1
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,040
- You been busy?
- Aye, fairly.

2
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:54,480
I was watching a documentary the other morning about that Hadron Collider.

3
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,200
Is that the wrestler?

4
00:00:56,200 --> 00:01:00,600
It's a big metal pipe in Switzerland that's going to tell us how the Big Bang started.

5
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,560
Well, that's easy.

6
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,720
It started wi' a big bang.

7
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:09,120
True enough, son. Exactly like it says on the tin, eh?

8
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,000
Bet that cost them a fortune as well.

9
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,840
Aye. Probably thousands.

10
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,720
Aye. Shockin'.

11
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,240
Switzerland should just stick to what they're good at, eh?

12
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,920
Toblerone.

13
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,120
What is that?

14
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,160
Corned beef sushi.

15
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,360
What do you think?

16
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,440
Mmm.

17
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:43,480
Oh, look at you two, eh?

18
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:47,400
- Aye, we were the talk of the town back then.
- Like, in a bad way?

19
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,640
Nah, "the well-dressed couple." That's what they used to call us.

20
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,360
I'm glad you're back home for the anniversary, son.

21
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,480
Can you believe it? 15 years since your mother passed.

22
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,760
I know. I'm just glad I'm back this year.

23
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,880
Sorry about last year. They had me working late at the office.

24
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,200
- In Afghanistan.
- Aye.

25
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:11,040
I notice your work hasn't been on the telly much these days.

26
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:15,280
And that Bin Laden fella hasnae made one of his films for ages.

27
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,960
Aye. He's back to making his own wee Jihad mix tapes.

28
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,080
Aye, your mother loved them.

29
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,520
The reggae band.

30
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:27,280
- The reggae band, Jihad?
- Aye.

31
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,240
Do you mean Aswad?

32
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:35,640
Oh, Aswad, that's right.

33
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,440
Aswad. Aye, your mother loved them.

34
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,160
I remember me and her and Auntie Margaret

35
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,320
went to see them in concert.

36
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:45,880
# Shine, shine, shine like a star

37
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,040
# Shinin' so bright

38
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,720
# Like the star that you are

39
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,000
# Come on and shine. #

40
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,080
That was lovely.

41
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,120
It was like all of Aswad were in the room.

42
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,600
Oh, thanks very much.

43
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,840
Aw, Lynda.

44
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,120
- She was bonny then, eh?
- Aye.

45
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,400
You were punching well above your weight.

46
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,080
No, we never even argued.

47
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,480
15 years tomorrow. You still remember her?

48
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,280
I remember her sittin' right here.

49
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:20,000
She used to burn the toast every morning before school.

50
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,080
You said that in your speech at the crematorium.

51
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,560
Ooh, your Auntie Margaret didnae like that.

52
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:29,320
She didnae. I didnae mean it, like, you know, in bad taste.

53
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,000
Or bad toast.

54
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,440
- Oh, Dad... 
- I knew you didnae mean it.

55
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,680
She wouldnae have minded.

56
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,600
- Naw.
- She'd a fair sense of humour about her.

57
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,800
Remember that time she put that big plastic spider in your bed for a joke?

58
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,560
I never slept for a week.

59
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,680
I know! That's brilliant.

60
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,320
Have you thought about what I said about your mum,

61
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:56,840
her new home and that?

62
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,480
Aye, but why now?

63
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,240
Do you no' think she's happy on the mantelpiece?

64
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,360
I suppose. It's just sometimes I look at her there in the urn,

65
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,000
and, well, I know it sounds silly,

66
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,360
but it's a long time to be cooped up in there.

67
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,920
Aye. She doesnae get much light.

68
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,400
Exactly. I mean I love having her here to talk to,

69
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,880
but sometimes I think she'd rather be somewhere else.

70
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,560
Somewhere she liked going to.

71
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,120
Like the swimming pool?

72
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,040
I was thinking about the park.

73
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:28,200
Remember that place we all used to go sledging?

74
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,680
We could do it tomorrow before everyone comes round for the do.

75
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:35,960
Aye. She did like that bit where we went sledging, eh?

76
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,440
You're no' talking about pushing her down the hill?

77
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,400
Oh, she'd have loved that.

78
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,720
Aye. Aunt Margaret wouldnae like that.

79
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:46,280
- We could gi' her a wee push an' all. 
- Gary.

80
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,280
Sorry.

81
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,000
He's a funny one, eh, Osama.

82
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:59,240
He's an intriguing fellow cos he's quite eccentrics, eh?

83
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,360
Cos he's famous and he lives in a cave,

84
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,880
but when you're famous you can get away wi' stuff like that, eh?

85
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,560
Although some folk say he's dead, but I dinnae think he is.

86
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:12,600
Cos if he was, right, someone's gran would know.

87
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:18,280
Ken that way? They'd be like that, "I was speaking to Mary,

88
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,520
"he passed just last week.

89
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:24,560
"In his cave.

90
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,080
"It's a crying shame."

91
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,360
But I dinnae think he is.

92
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,440
- Hello.
- Hiya.
- You're here.

93
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,440
I was worried that you weren't, but you are. Aren't you?

94
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,120
- Aye, I am. It's me, Gary.
- Good.

95
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,520
Do I look OK? Is it too bright?

96
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,000
I know it's too bright for a memorial, but you said no black,

97
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,880
so I was thinking like, this isnae black.

98
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,320
I was hoping your mum would have liked it. Would she?

99
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,280
She'd think it was perfect. For you.

100
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:03,840
- Thanks. Is that a nice thing?
- Aye.

101
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,560
Oh, good. I've trainers in my bag.

102
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,280
- Good.
- Just in case.

103
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:11,960
Just in case what? We get chased?

104
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,880
No, Gary. In case my feet hurt.

105
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,920
I'm dead pleased I remembered.

106
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:21,840
Good for you. Next stop, Auntie Margaret.

107
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,080
- STOP!
- What is it?

108
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,280
Oh, I did bring them.

109
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,560
- On you go.
- Thanks.

110
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,040
Gary.

111
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,120
Aunt Margaret!

112
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,040
How... are you?

113
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,440
Fine. I have been ready all morning.

114
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,560
MOBILE PHONE RINGS

115
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,480
Hello, WWF. Wildlife, no' the wrestling.

116
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:09,040
No, it's me. Gary. I don't know, just look for them.

117
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,000
Try a bald person's shop.

118
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,560
Right, no, you've got to get them, right? No.

119
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,800
I'll try and get away, right? 5pm. Might be difficult. Right! OK.

120
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,520
See you later. Bye ba-ba-ba bye.

121
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,760
Manners used to be important in my day.

122
00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,760
But then it would be rude no' to answer, eh?

123
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,400
Shall we?

124
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,280
THEY MOUTH CONVERSATION

125
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,520
Hello.

126
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,720
Julie, maybe you'd like to sit in the back?

127
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,520
Aunt Margaret likes to sit in the front.

128
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,600
Thank you, dear.

129
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,960
You're welcome, Mrs Auntie Margaret.

130
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,000
CLOCK CHIMES TUNE

131
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,000
Nice to see you, Margaret.

132
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,000
Nice to see you too, Martin.

133
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,640
Nice to see you as well, Julie.

134
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,280
Nice to see you too, Mr McLintoch.

135
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,560
Nice to see you, Gary.

136
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,800
Nice to see us...

137
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,240
To see us, nice!

138
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,560
GIBBERISH

139
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,800
That's a brazzy suit, Mr McLintoch.

140
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,880
- Did you buy it for today?
- No, Julie.

141
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:07,480
This is from back in the day. Gary's mother used to love me in this.

142
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,200
Real velveteen.

143
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,760
Wow.

144
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:14,400
That's like the stairs at the cinema, eh?

145
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,760
So, what's the itinerary, Martin?

146
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,760
Well, I thought we'd go up the park.

147
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:23,280
A spot that Lynda enjoyed. Then we'd say a few words about Lynda, if you want.

148
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,240
And then back here for a few drinks

149
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,600
and a bit of food wi' a few friendly faces.

150
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,400
MOBILE PHONE RINGS

151
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,960
Hello, Battersea Dogs Home.

152
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,840
No, Charlie. It's me, Gary. Try somebody else.

153
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,520
I don't have time to look at it.

154
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,120
Right, well, just Google it.

155
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,560
Google it. Just Google it.

156
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:46,080
Hold on. Nah, it's for me.

157
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:51,600
- Right.
- Gary! Put that phone down. We've got guests.

158
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,360
I've got to go. We've got guests.

159
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,200
Right, OK then. Right, Google it. See ya. Bye.

160
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,760
Sorry. Shall we?

161
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:05,120
Well, only if you've finished your important business.

162
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,120
- May I use the bathroom first? 
- Aye, upstairs, on the left.

163
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,920
Hold on, Margaret.

164
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,240
It's runnin' a little low up there.

165
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,600
I'm not sure how much you're going to use, but just in case.

166
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,440
- That enough, Martin.
- I hope it is.

167
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:41,960
THEY ALL LAUGH

168
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,840
Aw, Dad.

169
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:09,600
# Just a small town girl

170
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,320
# Livin' in a lonely world

171
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:19,640
# She took the midnight train goin' anywhere

172
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:32,240
# A singer in a smoky room

173
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:36,880
# A smell of wine and cheap perfume

174
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,600
# For a smile they can share the night

175
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:44,520
# It goes on and on and on and on

176
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:48,840
# Strangers waiting

177
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:52,480
# Up and down the boulevard

178
00:11:52,480 --> 00:12:00,640
# Their shadows searching in the night

179
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:04,560
# Don't stop believin'

180
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,400
# Hold on to that feelin'

181
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:12,160
# Streetlight people

182
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:16,440
# Oh, oh... #

183
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,320
Aw, no. That surely can't be right.

184
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,080
They can't have built on Lynda's park.

185
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,040
< Hamburgers!

186
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,160
I cannae believe this.

187
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,440
So it wasn't like this before, then?

188
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,040
< Hot dogs!

189
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,520
I cannae remember sledging past a crane.

190
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:43,800
This is not suitable at all.

191
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:47,520
Gary, could you not have checked beforehand?

192
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:51,200
What about that other bit that she liked? You know, up at the duck pond.

193
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,680
Good call, Gary. The duck pond, aye.

194
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,520
She loved feedin' they ducks.

195
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,000
What if they've built a skyscraper on the duck pond?

196
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,440
What if the ducks are there, cos they're confused that the water's gone?

197
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,320
There's just a big building, but they cannae swim in it?

198
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,680
Oh, naw. What would we do?

199
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,800
I tell you what you're going to do. Is take a few deep breaths.

200
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:14,600
OK? That's it. Right, give me a sec.

201
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,040
No' to worry, Julie. Ducks are resourceful wee fellas.

202
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:22,400
- They'd be fine.
- Aye. They'd probably just build a new pond.

203
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:32,640
Excuse me. You used to be able to get to the duck pond this way.

204
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,600
Is there, like, another way round?

205
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,360
Not a duckin' chance, mate!

206
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,120
Not a duckin' chance.

207
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,080
Whole bit's fenced off.

208
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,480
- CHEESEBURGERS!
- Any luck?

209
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,200
Sorry, Dad. It's all been built on.

210
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:50,560
Well, not to worry, son. You tried your best.

211
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,480
I'm sorry, Lynda.

212
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,720
I don't quite know what to suggest now.

213
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,960
I could buy you a burger to cheer you up?

214
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,200
Do you know, Julie, that'd be lovely.

215
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,760
What about you, Aunt Margaret? Do you fancy anything?

216
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,520
BURGERS! CHEESEBURGERS! HOT DOGS!

217
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,160
FRIED ONIONS! CHIPS AND CHEESE!

218
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,160
CHEESE! COLD DRINKS!

219
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,000
Did you catch all that?

220
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:27,960
Not bad, eh?

221
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,280
Would you like a bit?

222
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:34,760
- No, thanks. I don't eat tinned meat. 
- No. It's a hot dog.

223
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,720
Here, I'll have a go. I've no' had a hot dog in years.

224
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,040
MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

225
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,880
Lynda liked hot dogs.

226
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,200
Aye, she did, aye.

227
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,720
Great taste, my mum.

228
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,560
I remember the first time she ever tried one.

229
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,200
We were very young.

230
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,200
We'd gone to the shows as a family.

231
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,840
Lynda loved the shows.

232
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:05,640
"Scream if you wanna go faster!"

233
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:09,160
Sorry.

234
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:13,160
She'd been pestering Mum all day to get her a hot dog.

235
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,440
And eventually Mum gave in and got her one.

236
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,760
I can see it now.

237
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,560
That first bite, and all the red sauce

238
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,920
dripping down onto her pristine white dress.

239
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,080
Oh, no! Did she get upset?

240
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,240
Oh, no. Not at all.

241
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,480
She laughed and laughed and bit again,

242
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:36,240
so that more red sauce would fall onto her dress.

243
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,160
She was very silly.

244
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,320
I never knew that, Margaret.

245
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,040
Did she get the stain out?

246
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,520
I don't know, Gary. I hope so.

247
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,680
I hope so. I was eating something last week

248
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,040
and I had a white shirt on and it was brown sauce

249
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:54,000
and it dripped doon and it got on my shirt, and I was like,

250
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,680
"Dinnae rub it in," cos that's the temptation...

251
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,200
- That's enough, Gary.
- Right.

252
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,440
Maybe you'd like to be heading back now, Martin?

253
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,760
What about the place...

254
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:05,240
Oh, where was it we used to go for walks wi' my bike when I was wee?

255
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,320
What was it? The Ignorant Railway?

256
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,960
The Innocent Railway! Oh, perfect.

257
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,240
Aye, me and Lynda used to find that name funny because

258
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,280
that's where we had our first, er...

259
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,040
Your first what?

260
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,480
Walk, Julie.

261
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:25,760
That's all, a wee walk. That's all we had.

262
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:29,440
Just a wee quick walk and then we walked home.

263
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,520
Aw, that's dead romantic.

264
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,240
I think it's left here, son.

265
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,800
Oh, no. Right.

266
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,400
I'm sorry, everyone. I was sure it was round here.

267
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:58,960
Maybe someone wasn't paying attention to your directions.

268
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,960
Excuse me. Excuse me.

269
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,760
All right. Yous looking for the Old Kettle Inn?

270
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:09,880
- Naw.
- I always get asked for that. It's shut. Been shut five years.

271
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,560
Actually, we're looking for the Innocent Railway.

272
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:13,640
Have you heard of it?

273
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:17,120
Heard of it? Heard of it? Aye.

274
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,640
Come here.

275
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,040
Open that door, will you?

276
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,440
Well, easier if I just show you.

277
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:34,440
- This is very kind of you, um... 
- Douggy.

278
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,000
And, er, who's this cute wee thing?

279
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,080
That's Doug.

280
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,600
- As in... Doug the Dug?
- Aye, good, eh? Doug the Dug.

281
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:48,280
I thought of that myself! Took me a week, but it was worth it though, eh?

282
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,960
Doug the Dug. Ain't you, pal, eh?

283
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,240
# Yo! Back up now and give a brother room

284
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,720
# The fuse is lit and I'm about to go boom

285
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,720
# Mercy, mercy, mercy me

286
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,080
# My life is a cage

287
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,600
But on stage I'm free

288
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,800
# Hyped up, psyched up ready for wil'in'

289
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,320
# Standing in a crowd of girls like a island

290
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,640
# I see the one I want, I said Come here, cutie

291
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,000
# I flip 'em around and then I work that booty

292
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,520
# Work the body work, work the body

293
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,240
# Slow down, girl you're 'bout to hurt somebody

294
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,360
# Hold up, ya'll let's get just one thing clear

295
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,760
# There's only one reason why I came here

296
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,120
# Ya really don't want me to t-t-t-tell you what's up

297
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,840
# Go! Ya really don't want me to t-t-t-tell you what's up. Go!

298
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,440
# Ya really don't want me to t-t-t-tell you what's up

299
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,000
# Go! I came here tonight to hear the crowd go

300
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,680
# Boom! Shake-shake-shake the room

301
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,920
# Boom! Shake-shake-shake the room

302
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,560
# Boom! Shake-shake-shake the room

303
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,000
# Tic-tic-tic-tic, boom!

304
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,480
# Well, yo, y'all ready for me yet? Pump it up, Prince... #

305
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,680
This is the bit I was thinking of.

306
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,360
Aye, fond memories.

307
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:02,200
It's lovely. I hope they don't build a supermarket on it.

308
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,760
I hope not, too.

309
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,560
Well, what do you think of this spot then, Lynda?

310
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:12,960
- I think Mum would like it. 
- I think so. Margaret?

311
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,760
If it's what you feel, Martin.

312
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,760
Yeah.

313
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,200
It is.

314
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,640
So, I was thinking, if, er, you have a few words you want

315
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,400
to say, I'll say my words last, and then let Lynda...

316
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,280
You know.

317
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,360
Does anyone want to go first?

318
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:41,680
Sorry. I can sense the wee man's burstin' on a shite here.

319
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,920
We'll scoot. But happy scattering.

320
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,160
Right you are, Douggy.

321
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,040
Come on. Come on.

322
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,240
Julie. Would you like to start?

323
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,360
Um... OK.

324
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,360
Hiya, Mrs McLintoch.

325
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:08,040
Nice urn, by the way.

326
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,000
Eh, well, I just wanted to say that I'll always remember you fondly

327
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,320
cos, see when I was seven, I remember I was in the queue

328
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,640
for the ice cream van,

329
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:20,480
but I was too wee to see what ice creams they had, so I got really upset.

330
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,720
But then you and some other men lifted me up so I could see.

331
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:27,560
So thanks for that. I had an orange Calippo.

332
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,800
That was my favourite. But it's not now.

333
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,000
I like Feasts. Bye!

334
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,800
That was lovely, Julie. Well done.

335
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,840
Margaret?

336
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,520
Um...

337
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,720
Rest in peace, Lynda.

338
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,280
Gary?

339
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,040
Hiya, Mum!

340
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:04,200
Um, I'm really glad we found this bit.

341
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,720
I don't know if you were listening earlier,

342
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:10,280
but they're building a supermarket where the duck pond used to be.

343
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,720
Shockin', eh? But, er,

344
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,880
I hope you enjoy it here.

345
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,000
Dad was saying this is the first place you...

346
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,840
..walked.

347
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,600
So...

348
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,120
miss you.

349
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,240
MOBILE PHONE RINGS

350
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,480
Gary! Turn that bloody phone off!

351
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,080
- I know, but it's really important. 
- And this isn't?

352
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,560
Hello, wrong number. Gary speakin'.

353
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,160
Right, brilliant. OK, I'll see you there.

354
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:50,240
No, it'll be fine. OK. See you. Bye, bye. I'm sorry.

355
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,360
Well, Lynda, there's no' a day I don't think o' you.

356
00:21:56,360 --> 00:22:00,360
No' a moment you're no' with me.

357
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:05,200
You were so much fun, a great sense o' humour.

358
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,680
Remember when you chose this suit for me?

359
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:14,440
Well, Lynda, time for you to get some air.

360
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,600
Dad. Dad, I'll...

361
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,640
Do you want me to have a shot? I opened a jar of gherkins last week. Nae offence.

362
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,160
None taken. On you go.

363
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:55,560
- Oh, for Pete's sake. What an idiot. 
- Martin! She's just a bit slow.

364
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,880
Superglue, Margaret, superglue.

365
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:03,080
- I superglued the lid shut years ago. 
- Is that why it won't open?

366
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,960
I think so Julie, yeah. Why did you do that?

367
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,960
Well, you'll no' remember, son,

368
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,520
but a few years after your mother passed,

369
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,760
you went through a wee clumsy phase.

370
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,960
- No, I never!
- I remember that time.

371
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,320
You could hardly put one foot in front of the other without falling.

372
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,800
Well, I remember I was a particularly graceful teenager.

373
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:27,440
Idiots.

374
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,280
Well, I think we should head back now.

375
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,960
- What do you think, Lynda? 
- "Yes, please!"

376
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,480
Julie, I think that's enough.

377
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:41,800
- Yes.
- It is, isn't it? Can we go now?

378
00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:49,280
All right? Are yous done? We are.

379
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,440
Any chance o' a lift back?

380
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,360
Aye. Of course, Douggy.

381
00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:57,920
Do we need nuclear weapons?

382
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,240
Aye, course we do.

383
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,600
Cos other folk have got them, right.

384
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:07,240
If we didnae have them, we'll be like that kid at school that had the crap trainers.

385
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,280
And, I'm sorry, but it's a harsh factoid of life,

386
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,640
but that kid at school wi' crap trainers had a really tough time.

387
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,040
And it's no' his fault that he had crap trainers.

388
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,680
That was his mum and dad's fault.

389
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,400
But we dinnae want to be that kid.

390
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,800
We dinnae want to be turning up to PE in crap trainers

391
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,400
wi' folk laughing, saying, "Where did you get them?

392
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,600
"Poundies? Your Mum rakes bins." We dinnae want to hear that.

393
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,920
30 billion is a lot to pay for nice Trident trainers, right,

394
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,160
but if it means we dinnae get a slaggin',

395
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,600
then I think it's worth it.

396
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,600
Do you remember Reebok Pumps?

397
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:44,240
Pumps.

398
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:56,680
Corned beef sushi? Corned beef sushi? It's really nice.

399
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,760
It's really, em, corned beefy.

400
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,560
Ah, cheers.

401
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:05,280
- There you go, Duggy Duggy Duggy. 
- Corned beef sushi, Aunt Margaret?

402
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,480
No, thanks, Gary. I can see that you and Martin are busy,

403
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,160
and it's been quite a long day, so I might head off.

404
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,560
No, no, you cannae. You've got to stay here.

405
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,560
That's kind of you Gary, but, er...

406
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,440
No, no. Please, please. Just one sec. MOBILE PHONE RINGS

407
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,280
Hello, Farmfoods?

408
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,560
Right, OK, fine do it. On, yous go.

409
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,480
Margaret, you're surely not away?

410
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,920
I've got a whole suckling pig roasting at the back.

411
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,560
Yes. There's only so much rudeness I can take from Gary for one day.

412
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,520
Julie, you'd like Aunt Margaret to stay, wouldn't you?

413
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,160
Gary!

414
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,200
That is enough. You've offended Margaret.

415
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:46,600
And I know that's easy to do, but now you've offended me, son.

416
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,800
Yeah. I know.

417
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,920
Right. OK, then, right.

418
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,360
Brilliant, go, go, do it. Right.

419
00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:58,760
OK, if I could just...

420
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,280
If I could just maybe offend you all for just, like,

421
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,200
a few more seconds, OK?

422
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,840
Can I get everyone's attention, please? Everyone's attention.

423
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,280
OK, I would like to announce that,

424
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,800
tonight playing here is one of my mum's favouritest ever bands.

425
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,320
They've come a long way to get here tonight,

426
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:21,160
so please would you welcome to the living room... Aswad!

427
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:25,040
# Ooh ah, ooh ah

428
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:29,720
# Ooh ah, ooh ah

429
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,360
# Come on and shine shine like a star

430
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:37,560
# Shining so bright like the star that you are... #

431
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,200
Hold on, something's missing.

432
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:42,240
# Shine into the future

433
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:47,160
# Spreading your light wherever you are. #

434
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:06,640
Great stuff, lads.

435
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:10,880
Honestly, it was like having Aswad here in the room, it really was.

436
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,240
Well done, Gary. I get it now.

437
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,160
For a while back there, I thought you'd turned into an arse.

438
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,760
But you haven't.

439
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,480
Thanks, Dad.

440
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,840
Right, come on lads. Let's try these haggis fishcakes.

441
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,920
Well, quite a day.

442
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,600
Aye. We often like to end the day on a song here.

443
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,560
I'm sorry I was short with you today.

444
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,920
No, no. It's fine. I'm sorry it just took a few calls, you know?

445
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,360
Yes, I know. But she'd be very proud of you, you know, your mum.

446
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:49,440
Do you think?

447
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,560
Yes. Apart from maybe your singing.

448
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,640
Oh, right.

449
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,120
That's a joke, Gary!

450
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,440
Aw, nuh!

451
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:04,720
No, I knew it. Check you, Aunt Margaret crackin' a wee joke.

452
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,440
I knew you had it in you.

453
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,880
I knew you had it in you, I thought you cannae be grumpy for ever,

454
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,440
you and your face and that, but you've done it.

455
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,000
You've totally cracked a joke.

456
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,880
Well done, you. You know that!

457
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:20,120
That's enough, Gary. I'll see you soon.

458
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:21,880
Aye. You totally will.

459
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,520
It was a good joke an' all because I was, like, pitch perfect, eh?

460
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,760
Who'd have thought, eh?

461
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,760
Aunt Margaret crackin' a joke.

462
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:36,040
That's funny, eh? Funny Aunt Margaret.

463
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:58,160
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

464
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:01,520
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk