1 00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:07,856 - I wasn't at your flat last night, OK? - OK. And nothing happened. 2 00:00:07,980 --> 00:00:09,971 No, nothing did happen. 3 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:14,816 - Fuck off! - Right, yeah. 4 00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:18,135 She's my secret lover. 5 00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:28,451 Whoever gets the newest member of the team to spend the night at their place is captain. 6 00:00:28,580 --> 00:00:30,889 - Why? - You're too late, I win! 7 00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:43,656 - I spoke to Holly yesterday. - Oh, yeah? Holly who? 8 00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:46,169 The one you spent six years with. 9 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:49,053 - She's getting married. - Really. Ow! 10 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:56,851 You're friends with Mac and Guy. Biggest scumbag? 11 00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:58,049 Guy. 12 00:00:58,180 --> 00:00:59,613 House-warming gift. 13 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:03,972 I know you've had a dreadful day and that I'm partly responsible. 14 00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:05,931 I am deeply sorry. 15 00:01:22,860 --> 00:01:26,648 I thought I'd find myself a new place after my wife died. 16 00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:29,419 Oh, I'm so sorry. Was it sudden? 17 00:01:29,540 --> 00:01:34,489 Well, I didn't notice it straight away - you know, sex was the same. 18 00:01:34,620 --> 00:01:37,737 But the dishes kept piling up. 19 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,096 I like a laugh, me. 20 00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:52,337 Right. 21 00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:59,975 Yeah, well, thinking about it, the room is... on the tiny side 22 00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:04,696 and has ridiculously low ceilings for a tall chap like you. And quite... smelly. 23 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,616 Oi! Wankers! 24 00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:16,975 Yeah, still got the magic. 25 00:02:31,660 --> 00:02:33,093 Hey. 26 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,656 - Hi, Lyndon. - Hiya. 27 00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:37,978 Hey, let me do that. 28 00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:39,897 All right? 29 00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:42,496 - Hi, Lyndon. - Hey. 30 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,457 Hey, Doc. 31 00:02:57,940 --> 00:03:00,170 Oh... If you see a really pretty blonde girl, 32 00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:03,736 about 5'7", green eyes, can you tell her I've gone to Radiology? 33 00:03:03,860 --> 00:03:05,612 I suppose so. What's her name? 34 00:03:05,740 --> 00:03:09,574 I've no idea. She might not even exist. But just in case. 35 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,975 Oh, are you looking for a lodger? 36 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,250 Yeah. All I've had so far are loonies. 37 00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:18,009 Thought I'd see if the staff here are more normal - ten fingers, no fur... 38 00:03:18,140 --> 00:03:20,335 - Why, are you interested? - No. 39 00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:25,739 I know someone who will be, though. There: "Desperately seeking accommodation". 40 00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:26,815 Angela. 41 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:30,899 Yeah. She was sharing a house, but she wants to go a bit more exclusive. 42 00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:33,375 - Want me to track her down for you? - Oh, no, no. 43 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:36,890 I'll see her later. And she'll probably see this anyway. 44 00:03:37,020 --> 00:03:39,580 Don't forget, 5'7", green eyes. 45 00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:41,736 I'll keep a lookout. 46 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:03,819 Wow! It's never done that for me. 47 00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:07,296 - What? - I said it's never done that for me. 48 00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:12,049 - Alloy, isn't it? - Yeah, yeah. It's a Kevlar-carbon composite. 49 00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:14,740 You need the protection if you're sitting astride 50 00:04:14,860 --> 00:04:19,012 what is basically a big kid's stupid and very dangerous toy. 51 00:04:19,140 --> 00:04:21,859 I'm thinking about getting an Adamantium helmet. 52 00:04:21,980 --> 00:04:26,053 Yeah? That's the stuff the Wolverine skeleton's made out of, isn't it? 53 00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:30,219 Yep. Hardest metal in the world. 54 00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:32,058 Indeed, indeed, yeah. 55 00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:34,774 Sadly, of course, a fictional metal. 56 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:40,054 So that would probably reduce its effectiveness in a crash-style scenario. 57 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,448 Good point. Good point. 58 00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:47,771 Still the hardest metal in the world, though. 59 00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:50,612 Fictional. 60 00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:58,693 Too close. 61 00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:06,695 You smell lovely, of beautiful garden centres. It makes me want you right now. 62 00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:12,019 Oh, do shut it, Alan. Unless you've got something useful to say, don't bother. 63 00:05:13,860 --> 00:05:19,218 If you boil a kettle with vinegar, it gets rid of the unpleasant residue. 64 00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:22,091 - Nick it. - What? 65 00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:24,654 Nick the chocolate bar. 66 00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:28,375 - I'll buy it for you. - No, if you really wanted me, you'd nick it. 67 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:31,936 Come on, Alan, where's your sense of danger? It might make me horny. 68 00:05:32,060 --> 00:05:34,779 - Oh, God! - Go on, just nick it. 69 00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:51,019 Ah... That's... 70 00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:56,418 - Excuse me. - Are you talking to me? 71 00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:59,612 Yeah. Could I have a word? Could you step to one side? 72 00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:00,616 No! 73 00:06:00,740 --> 00:06:02,617 - Pardon? - No, I won't! 74 00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:06,779 - You want it discussed in front of everyone? - Yes, yes, I do. 75 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,893 - OK, what have you got down your trousers? - Trousers? 76 00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:16,097 A Snickers 50% bigger size. I saw you through the two-way mirror. 77 00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:18,336 Yes. Yes, you did. 78 00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:21,369 - Hand it over. - Yes, I will. 79 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,378 I will, yes, because there we have it. 80 00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:31,178 The... So other colleagues... putting... for reasons best known... 81 00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:33,689 And that's why we have this situation. 82 00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:35,970 Ugh! It's all melted. 83 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:39,649 Yes, those were my exact words to... to them. 84 00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:43,739 And therefore I accept your apology. Goodbye. 85 00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:54,818 Ooh! Ooh, Men's Health? "Ten steps to a flatter stomach". No need. 86 00:06:54,940 --> 00:06:58,569 "Sex: what she wishes you knew". Yes, yes, duh, obviously. 87 00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:02,170 They like that... Sucking's better... And they like it hard and rough. 88 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:06,088 "Combat hair loss". "Get a harder body in ten minutes a day". Got one. 89 00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:09,929 "How to click with women". Already can. Clickety-click, click-click. 90 00:07:14,820 --> 00:07:18,449 Do you sell cigarettes? I need cigarettes - do you sell them? 91 00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:23,335 - You do know this is a hospital? - I know. I work here. Look, Dr Caroline Todd. 92 00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:25,849 You should know better then, shouldn't you? 93 00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:28,210 Perhaps you can tell me where I can get some? 94 00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:32,174 Don't they say 70% of all ill people are ill because they smoke? 95 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:37,328 Did I say "lecture"? Sorry, I meant directions to the nearest shop. Real shop, that is. 96 00:07:37,460 --> 00:07:40,258 - Caroline... - Careful, Angela, I might bite. 97 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:43,816 Somebody might be about to die if I don't find some cigarettes. 98 00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:45,737 Oh, I see. 99 00:07:45,860 --> 00:07:49,489 - How's your house? Is it OK? - My house? Yeah, it's great. 100 00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:52,134 Will you be all right living there all by yourself? 101 00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:55,570 Yeah, yeah. I'm a big girl - figuratively. 102 00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:58,692 So you're not looking for lodgers any more? 103 00:08:00,340 --> 00:08:01,819 Sorry? 104 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,170 Boyce told me about your advert. 105 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:08,816 Yes. Yes, yes, I'm looking for lodgers. Sorry, I misunderstood you. 106 00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:10,851 Nicotine deficiency. 107 00:08:10,980 --> 00:08:12,971 Dah-nah! 108 00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:16,410 - Am I too late? - No. All I've had so far is psychopaths. 109 00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:19,816 Oh, great. Well, I'm not a psychopath. 110 00:08:19,940 --> 00:08:22,056 I'm not. So can I come and see the room? 111 00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:24,410 Well, no, the thing is, do you smoke? 112 00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:26,337 - No, I don't. - I do. I did. 113 00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:28,769 I gave up, but my lungs are sentimental 114 00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:31,494 and when I'm under pressure they start to woo me. 115 00:08:31,620 --> 00:08:33,736 Quit Line! 116 00:08:34,420 --> 00:08:36,615 So can I come and see the room? 117 00:08:36,740 --> 00:08:41,450 Yes, please do. Yes, please do come. Absolutely. I won't take no for an answer. 118 00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:43,696 Thanks, Caroline. 119 00:08:55,380 --> 00:09:00,932 I wasn't aware that the actual act of smoking causes lines to form around the mouth. 120 00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:02,732 What, cos of the... ? 121 00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:07,809 Well, yeah. I mean, you do that 20 times a day, it's going to have an effect, isn't it? 122 00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:20,178 Bloody hell! 123 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,495 - You all right? - No, I'm not. 124 00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:26,977 I hate it when men say, "I can't remember saying that", or, "I was only joking". 125 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:31,139 - Or, "I didn't mean it like that". - Or, "You only hear what you want to hear". 126 00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:33,933 Yeah. Or, "I'm actually a woman". 127 00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:35,937 Exactly. 128 00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:39,250 A man's actually said that to you? 129 00:09:39,380 --> 00:09:40,813 Yep. 130 00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:45,536 Harriet, did you get the contract document sorted for the smoke unit... stroke unit? 131 00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:47,332 Yeah? Great. 132 00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,615 Stop smiling, dear. 133 00:10:45,420 --> 00:10:47,376 - Hey. - Hi. 134 00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:51,459 - Hey, Debs. - Hi. 135 00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:57,170 - Er, my domain. - Sorry? 136 00:10:57,300 --> 00:11:03,250 You are entering my territory, yeah? I am the master of all I survey. 137 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:08,252 In here... I perform the most delicate and intricate 138 00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:11,053 operations and procedures on the human body. 139 00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:16,777 If, God forbid, something should go wrong, somebody dies. 140 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:20,256 That's it. The end. 141 00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:22,572 You've killed them. 142 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:27,091 No, but it's over. You can't just buy another one. 143 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,292 Yeah? You can't just... Sorry. 144 00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:38,577 You can't just swap up to a G4 megahertz kilodrive whopper thing, whatever, OK? 145 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,895 I'm at the cutting edge. 146 00:11:41,740 --> 00:11:46,973 Stand aside please, information-technology boy, somebody needs my help. 147 00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:51,894 - Nurse, what have we got? - Knee arthroscopy. 148 00:11:52,020 --> 00:11:54,011 Right, tricky, yeah. 149 00:11:54,140 --> 00:11:58,019 You see, it's not all about a pretty-boy face around here. 150 00:11:58,140 --> 00:12:01,416 All right, little lady, let's get this show on the road. 151 00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:05,452 Oi! Back off, butcher! 152 00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:32,496 No... 153 00:12:33,660 --> 00:12:35,412 Mm... 154 00:12:45,380 --> 00:12:48,258 Just came to get the Jarvis MRI file for Dr Macartney? 155 00:12:48,380 --> 00:12:49,256 Yes. 156 00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:53,692 - I didn't know you were a recorder player. - I have many strings to my bow... recorder. 157 00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:56,050 Great. So, can I have the file? 158 00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:58,011 Er, yes. 159 00:12:58,780 --> 00:13:02,329 OK... Erm, I think Mac needs it quite urgently. 160 00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:05,770 Nearly there. Ready in a minute. 161 00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:10,212 - OK. Shall I get it? - No, it's complicated. It's one of many. 162 00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:14,013 I'll... Erm... 163 00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:21,096 - So, this is... - Don't touch my sopranino! 164 00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,697 I have it. 165 00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:26,012 No, no... 166 00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:28,893 Oh, my God! What the fuck is that?! 167 00:13:30,340 --> 00:13:32,058 Erm... 168 00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:36,332 You're probably thinking that in some bizarre way 169 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:41,978 that my playing the recorder has caused, erm, an expansion down below. 170 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:46,218 - I wasn't thinking that, but I am now. - If you were, you'd be sorely mistaken. 171 00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:48,979 Of course, cos most people think of bouncing breasts. 172 00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:52,217 - As I do. - Good, good. Good. 173 00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:54,296 So, does it work if anyone plays it? 174 00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:58,379 No, don't put my instrument in your lips! Oh, dirty! Filthy! 175 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,458 - Cheerio. - Man spittle! 176 00:14:12,860 --> 00:14:16,489 You know that thing about bringing in animals for patients to stroke? 177 00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:19,498 Oh, God, yeah. Cancelled. Lack of funds. 178 00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:22,293 What?! What?! Fuck! 179 00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:27,856 Oh... 180 00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:32,018 OK, come on now, shoo. Shoo, shoo. 181 00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:35,257 Come on, shoo-fly. Come on, kum ba yah. 182 00:14:37,020 --> 00:14:40,376 You want to think a wee bit about personal hygiene, darling. 183 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,616 Now come on, let's get out of here. 184 00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:56,576 Aarrgh! 185 00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,009 I want nicotine! 186 00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:06,971 Then I'd like to meet a nice man and have a sexually charged, no-speaking affair. 187 00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,138 Guess who? 188 00:15:56,260 --> 00:15:58,376 No idea. Jack Nicholson? 189 00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,535 No. 190 00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:01,571 God, you're so predictable! 191 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:05,534 - What do you mean? - Every day you do this hand-on-arse thing. 192 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:08,413 Well, I thought you... I thought you liked it. 193 00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:13,216 It wouldn't be so bad if you changed it a bit, if you used something other than your hand. 194 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:17,538 But, oh no, hand on arse, hand on arse, every bloody day! 195 00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:21,778 Erm, I was just... Oh, I've dropped my pen there. 196 00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:27,378 No, no, that's no good. That was my suggestion. It's got to come from you. 197 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,092 - Derek... - Wednesday. 198 00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:33,259 You've got to be more exciting, a bit more, you know, spontaneous. 199 00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:37,498 - I'm sure that can be arranged. - No, no, no. 200 00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:40,851 It can't be arranged, that's the point. You've got to just do it. 201 00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:45,496 - All right, but when? - Don't ask me. It should be spontaneous. 202 00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:49,249 - Right, I'll have a think. - No, don't think. 203 00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:53,009 What do you mean, don't think? Where would we be if nobody thought? 204 00:16:53,140 --> 00:16:56,177 No art, no literature, no music, no medicine. 205 00:16:56,300 --> 00:17:01,693 We'd just be in the jungle like rutting, sweaty, dirty beasts. 206 00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:04,336 Well, that's a start. 207 00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:14,376 Can I just warn you both, Mac's had some difficult news. 208 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,616 - Oh, really? News? - Yeah, about Holly. 209 00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:19,732 Ah, Holly, the tear-your-life-apart baby-killer. 210 00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:25,014 She's a friend of mine, and that's a bit unfair. She just wasn't ready to start a family. 211 00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:29,292 - That's what Mac calls her. - It broke his heart splitting up with Holly. 212 00:17:29,420 --> 00:17:30,773 What about her? 213 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:34,131 I'm only telling you this so you can be supportive to Mac. 214 00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:38,936 She's getting married. Also, although I haven't found time to tell him this, she's pregnant. 215 00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:41,699 - Who's pregnant? - Holly the baby-killer. 216 00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:46,371 I'm sorry, Mac. I was going to tell you and I haven't found the moment. 217 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:50,698 I think we're out of milk, so I'll probably steal some from the nurses. 218 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:54,369 Oh, well done, Fartin! Nice and subtle. I like your style. 219 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:57,731 - Who's she marrying? - John James Wyard. 220 00:17:57,860 --> 00:18:00,010 He's a hot consultant at St Thomas's. 221 00:18:00,140 --> 00:18:03,052 I know him. He's a really good bloke. Absolutely loaded. 222 00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:05,171 - Who's loaded? - Martin! 223 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:07,609 - Martin is? - No. 224 00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:13,690 Holly's fiancé. Loaded. John James Wyard? Really, really decent chap. 225 00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:16,015 Tall, muscular, plays rugby. 226 00:18:16,140 --> 00:18:18,938 - Yeah, he sounds like a great bloke. - Oh, yeah, he is. 227 00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:24,214 Spent, you know, a year in Kenya curing sick children, and he leads his field... 228 00:18:24,340 --> 00:18:26,979 Cool. They'll probably be very good together. 229 00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:28,249 Yeah. 230 00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:35,013 And obviously he's got really good genes. That is going to be one good-looking baby. 231 00:18:35,140 --> 00:18:36,459 Yeah. 232 00:18:37,220 --> 00:18:39,290 Fuck you! 233 00:18:41,940 --> 00:18:46,855 Well! Sense-of-humour failure there from the quip-meister. 234 00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:48,652 What? 235 00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:54,056 I'm going to... get a thing from the whatsit. 236 00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:47,574 OK, swab on a stick. 237 00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:53,699 So, Dr Macartney, this man that Holly is marrying... 238 00:19:53,820 --> 00:19:59,577 She's only been with him since Christmas, and yet you were with her for... six years? 239 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,930 Leave it. I'm serious, leave it. Scissors. 240 00:20:02,060 --> 00:20:06,133 He must be quite something. A real man. 241 00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:09,377 The kind of man a woman can imagine spending her life with. 242 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,092 OK. 243 00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:19,369 All that she wants is another baby 244 00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:26,813 All that she wants is another baby, yeah 245 00:20:26,940 --> 00:20:28,419 Scalpel. 246 00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:33,375 Have you ever seen The Terminator? It's about this cyber-woman that gets pregnant... 247 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:34,899 Ow! 248 00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:39,409 Good, thank you very much. I think we're ready to close here. 249 00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:43,931 Let's close her up. Thank you very much. I'll deal with you in a minute. 250 00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:49,736 Hi, Caroline... 251 00:20:52,980 --> 00:20:56,052 Joanna, it's me. That should get you wondering. 252 00:20:56,180 --> 00:20:59,172 Er, if you come down to my office in five or six minutes, 253 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:04,499 then something entirely spontaneous may be occurring. 254 00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:10,776 Wanker. 255 00:21:19,140 --> 00:21:22,018 OK, guys, can you finish him off for me? 256 00:21:22,140 --> 00:21:24,415 - Yep, can you finish me off? - Not you. 257 00:21:24,540 --> 00:21:27,100 - I'll be fine. - Thank you. 258 00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:34,419 I wasn't sure at first, but I reckon he's all right. 259 00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:38,897 Who, Mac? Depends what you mean by "all right", I suppose. 260 00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:41,454 Well, he seems to have his heart in the right place. 261 00:21:41,580 --> 00:21:45,175 Yep, mm-hm. Outwardly, I suppose. 262 00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:48,814 - Something I should know? - I shouldn't really say. 263 00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:51,249 - What? - Hm... 264 00:21:52,580 --> 00:21:56,858 Went out with this girl Holly, she got pregnant, he dumped her. I'll say no more. 265 00:21:56,980 --> 00:21:59,448 - Is that true? - Yeah, on my life. 266 00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:02,936 I shouldn't really go into details, and don't say I told you. 267 00:22:03,060 --> 00:22:06,530 God. You never can tell. Is there something wrong with your arm? 268 00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:09,538 Ah, no, it's... Mac stabbed me. 269 00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:12,855 - Did he? - Yeah. I'm all right. 270 00:22:13,740 --> 00:22:15,856 Bastard. You never can tell. 271 00:22:15,980 --> 00:22:19,814 - You can't. You're doing a great job there. - Thanks. 272 00:22:20,620 --> 00:22:23,498 What I'm trying to say is I'm stressed out about my exams. 273 00:22:23,620 --> 00:22:25,212 - OK, I've got you. - Yes. 274 00:22:25,340 --> 00:22:29,219 And that stress is getting bigger and bigger, snowballing into more stress. 275 00:22:29,340 --> 00:22:30,659 Snowball? 276 00:22:30,780 --> 00:22:33,533 Yeah, something that gets bigger as it rolls along. 277 00:22:33,660 --> 00:22:36,777 - Just leave the snowball out of it. - OK. I'm just saying... 278 00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:40,256 - Snowball... - It's just a vicious circle of stress, 279 00:22:40,380 --> 00:22:44,692 and I want to be able to break that circle, and I don't know how to. 280 00:22:44,820 --> 00:22:49,098 Right. Well, it seems to me you're under stress. 281 00:22:49,220 --> 00:22:51,051 Yes. 282 00:22:51,180 --> 00:22:54,377 If you stopped being stressed, things would be a lot easier. 283 00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:56,218 Yes. 284 00:23:00,740 --> 00:23:05,530 Dr Secretan? Some post for you. It went to department office by mistake. 285 00:23:05,660 --> 00:23:08,732 - They're from abroad. - From Switzerland, from my father. 286 00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:11,135 - Gosh, is he Swiss? - Yep. I'm half Swiss. 287 00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:14,377 - What's the other half? - English, as far as I know. 288 00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:17,617 - You don't know your mother? - No, she died when I was born. 289 00:23:17,740 --> 00:23:19,492 - Oh, my God, how awful. - Hm. 290 00:23:19,620 --> 00:23:22,453 You never knew her. How sad. 291 00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:27,857 As you came into the world, she departed, so in fact she gave her life for you. 292 00:23:27,980 --> 00:23:30,414 God, that's beautiful, yet so... 293 00:23:30,540 --> 00:23:33,577 Yeah. Whenever I close my eyes, all I can see is her. 294 00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:36,260 - Stop! - Yeah, yeah... 295 00:23:36,380 --> 00:23:42,774 But I sense her presence. I feel her soft eyes and her loving face. 296 00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:48,896 Apparently she used to sing to me when she was pregnant, when I was in the womb. 297 00:23:49,020 --> 00:23:51,250 What did she sing? 298 00:23:51,380 --> 00:23:53,496 You know that song... 299 00:23:54,740 --> 00:24:00,417 "Where's your mother gone? Where's your mother gone? Far, far away". 300 00:24:01,220 --> 00:24:04,178 Last night I heard my mother singing a song 301 00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:08,009 Oo-ee, chirpy-chirpy cheep-cheep 302 00:24:08,140 --> 00:24:12,179 - I think it must've been before... - Well, anyway, she loved me and she died. 303 00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:15,736 And I will never know a mother's love, never. 304 00:24:15,860 --> 00:24:18,932 - Stop it, it's too sad! - It's so sad, you know. 305 00:24:19,060 --> 00:24:24,418 Snow fell, a carpet of white as they took out her young body, 306 00:24:24,540 --> 00:24:27,100 leaving behind her newborn son. 307 00:24:27,220 --> 00:24:30,451 I know. I know, I know. I know. 308 00:24:32,860 --> 00:24:35,328 Would you like to go out with me sometime? 309 00:24:35,460 --> 00:24:38,975 I could really do with a friend, and you kind of remind me of her. 310 00:24:39,100 --> 00:24:42,854 - You're young, you have all your life to lead. - Yes. Yes. 311 00:24:42,980 --> 00:24:45,016 - Thank you. - Yes... 312 00:24:47,140 --> 00:24:52,168 Nice. Must try that again on someone with smaller teeth. 313 00:24:52,300 --> 00:24:54,768 - Thanks. You've been really helpful. - No, I haven't. 314 00:24:54,900 --> 00:24:57,334 - Well, you've tried. - No, I didn't try either. 315 00:24:57,460 --> 00:25:00,657 No, we just filled a space in time really, didn't we? 316 00:25:00,780 --> 00:25:05,171 - Yeah, but that's all we can do, I suppose. - Yeah, that's the spirit. 317 00:25:07,540 --> 00:25:09,451 Now fuck off. 318 00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:15,210 Look, can I just ask, do you get stressed-out? 319 00:25:45,860 --> 00:25:47,816 Oh... Thanks. 320 00:25:52,620 --> 00:25:55,088 Next! 321 00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:33,296 Come in. 322 00:26:34,380 --> 00:26:35,608 Oh. 323 00:26:35,740 --> 00:26:38,891 Joanna said you had something for her. 324 00:26:42,940 --> 00:26:44,896 It's this. 325 00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:49,772 On you go, because she'll be waiting. 326 00:27:06,340 --> 00:27:11,972 So, Lyndon, computers. They're funny old things, aren't they? 327 00:27:12,100 --> 00:27:14,091 Not if you speak kindly to them. 328 00:27:14,220 --> 00:27:16,814 I think you have to be immensely clever 329 00:27:16,940 --> 00:27:21,058 to really get to grips with the fundamentals of the IT world. 330 00:27:21,180 --> 00:27:23,057 - Oh, dear! - Jesus! 331 00:27:23,180 --> 00:27:28,857 Oh, dear! I must have tripped over your enormous Neanderthal feet. 332 00:27:28,980 --> 00:27:30,538 Go away. 333 00:27:30,660 --> 00:27:34,175 It could've been your great big head with your shiny... 334 00:27:34,300 --> 00:27:37,929 - Oh, dear. - No, it's fine. No, don't worry. 335 00:27:38,060 --> 00:27:40,096 - Stop now. - Such a terrible thing... 336 00:27:40,220 --> 00:27:42,575 Come on. It's all right. 337 00:27:45,940 --> 00:27:47,658 You wanted to see me? 338 00:27:47,780 --> 00:27:52,695 Yeah. Now, I know it's sort of against hospital policy, but I've been thinking... 339 00:27:52,820 --> 00:27:56,369 Ah, yes, thinking. This is good. You may proceed. 340 00:27:56,500 --> 00:28:00,175 You see, I had an idea... 341 00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:08,369 I think you'll find me a reasonable woman. So please, tell me this idea of yours. 342 00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:13,369 Right, well, I was thinking about an indoor smoking area for staff - if they smoke. 343 00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:17,175 I know it might seem a bit retrogressive, as policies go. 344 00:28:17,300 --> 00:28:20,895 Yes, I would say it was unacceptable. A sign of weakness. 345 00:28:21,020 --> 00:28:23,056 I know we shouldn't really do it. 346 00:28:23,180 --> 00:28:26,934 But I think smoking areas would definitely make people's lives easier. 347 00:28:27,060 --> 00:28:32,498 As I see it, there's only one thing for it. We must contact Berlin without delay. Vorsprung. 348 00:28:32,620 --> 00:28:39,093 Berlin? Oh, what, some sort of centralised EU decision type thing... Hang on. 349 00:28:40,020 --> 00:28:42,898 Are you talking to me like a Nazi from a film? 350 00:28:43,020 --> 00:28:44,339 Erm... 351 00:28:44,460 --> 00:28:46,735 Nothing could be further from the truth. 352 00:28:46,860 --> 00:28:50,569 If you're talking like a Nazi from a film, I am going to complain to someone. 353 00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:54,010 I think zat zese things you are imagining. 354 00:28:54,140 --> 00:28:56,608 Right, you... 355 00:29:09,260 --> 00:29:11,649 Good luck, Tommy! 356 00:29:15,940 --> 00:29:17,817 - Bet you can't. - Bet I can. 357 00:29:17,940 --> 00:29:19,931 - Go on, then. - After you. 358 00:29:20,060 --> 00:29:22,733 - Promise you will too? - Tchah! 359 00:29:38,260 --> 00:29:41,172 - Not bad, Boycie, not bad. - Cheers. 360 00:29:54,420 --> 00:29:57,378 The point about public school is it's character-forming. 361 00:29:57,500 --> 00:30:01,379 Well, it certainly did form you into a rude, arrogant, selfish bastard 362 00:30:01,500 --> 00:30:03,775 with no interest in anybody but yourself. 363 00:30:03,900 --> 00:30:06,494 Thanks. But it also means that I know 364 00:30:06,620 --> 00:30:10,499 that "selfish" and "no interest in anyone but yourself" mean the same thing. 365 00:30:10,620 --> 00:30:14,977 Yes, yes. But so does "fuck off" and ... 366 00:30:15,700 --> 00:30:16,974 Piss off. 367 00:30:17,100 --> 00:30:19,409 - No, no, you piss off. - No, you piss off! 368 00:30:19,540 --> 00:30:21,496 - That's very interesting. - What is? 369 00:30:21,620 --> 00:30:27,331 We are just discussing the role of the public school in the creation of the Guy wanker. 370 00:30:27,460 --> 00:30:31,976 I always think it's terribly sad, those tiny kids being left to fend for themselves at school. 371 00:30:32,100 --> 00:30:35,490 That's the point. It teaches you to be self-reliant. 372 00:30:35,620 --> 00:30:38,817 Yeah, but these tiny kids turn up at this big Victorian building 373 00:30:38,940 --> 00:30:41,454 with their little shorts and all this luggage, 374 00:30:41,580 --> 00:30:44,777 and they won't see their parents again for months. 375 00:30:44,900 --> 00:30:49,291 Well, you see, no, it wasn't like that. For a start, my school was Edwardian. 376 00:30:49,420 --> 00:30:52,014 They don't know anyone, they're not sure where to go, 377 00:30:52,140 --> 00:30:56,099 they're scared of being bullied or homesick or crying and letting the side down. 378 00:30:56,220 --> 00:30:59,212 - It's just very sad. - Sad, yeah. Very, very sad. 379 00:30:59,340 --> 00:31:04,050 I don't know what you mean, because they were the happiest days, the happiest... 380 00:31:04,180 --> 00:31:08,139 I mean, what sort of a mother could do that to her own child? 381 00:31:08,260 --> 00:31:10,774 Guy's, probably. 382 00:31:14,220 --> 00:31:16,051 I have to go. 383 00:31:16,180 --> 00:31:18,216 - OK, see you later. - Yeah, see you. 384 00:31:18,340 --> 00:31:24,210 I'll see you after double Latin. I think Pongo's going to bring some tuck up to the dorm. 385 00:31:35,260 --> 00:31:37,694 Er... 386 00:31:38,420 --> 00:31:42,493 Yeah... Er, come... come in. 387 00:31:43,420 --> 00:31:45,650 Hi. You paged me, having problems? 388 00:31:45,780 --> 00:31:50,171 Yeah, with the computer, er... yeah. But with my personal life, no. 389 00:31:50,300 --> 00:31:53,690 This little computer's, you know, fucked itself up, 390 00:31:53,820 --> 00:31:57,415 and I'll be right up the shitter if I don't get these notes to Surgical. 391 00:31:57,540 --> 00:32:01,419 Oh, make way, stand for information-technology man. 392 00:32:01,540 --> 00:32:03,610 Is he the coolest guy in the hospital? 393 00:32:03,740 --> 00:32:08,768 God, someone's done a real job on this. It looks like a two-year-old's just gone mad. 394 00:32:08,900 --> 00:32:13,178 - It's going to take me some time. I'm sorry. - OK, no probs, big boy. 395 00:32:13,300 --> 00:32:14,699 Yes... 396 00:32:14,820 --> 00:32:20,053 I understand you're quite a hit with the hospital staff. 397 00:32:20,180 --> 00:32:23,616 Attractive man, big... big bits. 398 00:32:23,740 --> 00:32:27,289 Joanna Clore, I think her name is - personnel manager. 399 00:32:27,420 --> 00:32:32,369 I think she probably has need of your... your skills, does she? She's mine. 400 00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:35,139 Yeah, she has been having a few problems lately. 401 00:32:35,260 --> 00:32:38,252 Had to work late a couple of nights. She keeps losing files. 402 00:32:38,380 --> 00:32:39,893 - She's mine. - Sorry? 403 00:32:40,020 --> 00:32:42,898 - She's mine... It's fine, it's just lime. - Yeah? 404 00:32:43,020 --> 00:32:48,140 Yeah, well, I'd better go and... split. I save lives. 405 00:32:48,260 --> 00:32:50,820 Right. I'll page you when I've sorted this mess out. 406 00:32:50,940 --> 00:32:53,249 She's... she's mine. 407 00:32:56,300 --> 00:32:58,097 She's mine! 408 00:33:08,580 --> 00:33:11,048 Fuck off! 409 00:33:31,780 --> 00:33:36,137 Through fortitude and character 410 00:33:36,260 --> 00:33:39,218 We'll thwart the knavish hordes! 411 00:33:41,020 --> 00:33:45,138 And show through our resilience 412 00:33:45,260 --> 00:33:48,332 Of our destiny we are lords! 413 00:33:51,860 --> 00:33:54,010 S-s-s... 414 00:33:54,140 --> 00:33:56,700 Something something something 415 00:33:56,820 --> 00:33:59,288 Each and every day 416 00:33:59,420 --> 00:34:02,378 For Whiteleaf School we'll fight as one 417 00:34:02,500 --> 00:34:05,333 Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! 418 00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:08,179 What? Pleb! 419 00:34:22,700 --> 00:34:28,536 Apparently, if you eat lots of pineapple it makes your sperm taste nice. 420 00:34:28,660 --> 00:34:32,892 Right. Well, I'll keep that in mind for the future. 421 00:34:33,020 --> 00:34:36,615 And pubic topiary is the new pashmina. 422 00:34:36,740 --> 00:34:42,895 Oh, yeah, yeah. You could have a heart done, or your initial, or a lovely swan. 423 00:34:43,020 --> 00:34:45,409 I could have a C for "Caroline". 424 00:34:45,540 --> 00:34:49,328 Oh, no, people might think it's C for something else. 425 00:34:49,460 --> 00:34:51,291 "Crazy" or... 426 00:34:52,860 --> 00:34:56,296 Oh, yes, the nasty C word. 427 00:34:56,420 --> 00:34:59,332 - Yeah, wouldn't want that. - No. 428 00:34:59,460 --> 00:35:02,770 Well, I mean, you don't want to signpost it anyway, do you? 429 00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:09,135 It's pretty obvious to... to any, you know... visitors... 430 00:35:10,420 --> 00:35:12,297 there. 431 00:35:12,420 --> 00:35:14,376 Well, I'd hope so. 432 00:35:24,660 --> 00:35:28,733 - Mr Howell's ready in cubicle three. - Thank fuck for that. 433 00:36:08,420 --> 00:36:10,376 Dr Secretan. 434 00:36:12,020 --> 00:36:13,533 Are you OK? 435 00:36:13,660 --> 00:36:15,696 Don't touch me. 436 00:36:16,420 --> 00:36:21,335 - And you're hiding in the coats because... ? - I feel safe here. It reminds me of... 437 00:36:21,460 --> 00:36:25,169 Being locked up at boarding school for tampering with your down-belows. 438 00:36:25,300 --> 00:36:28,849 Yeah. No! I just wanted some space. Could you just go away? 439 00:36:28,980 --> 00:36:33,337 No. Now, what's the problem? I'm here to help, to listen, to sooth. 440 00:36:33,460 --> 00:36:36,657 - My mother's womb is no more. - Oh, dear. Hysterectomy? 441 00:36:36,780 --> 00:36:38,771 No, she died when I was very young. 442 00:36:38,900 --> 00:36:43,849 I'm motherless, and my life is just a shambles without her and it's getting worse. 443 00:36:43,980 --> 00:36:47,290 - I mean, look at my eyes. - You have very nice eyes. 444 00:36:47,420 --> 00:36:50,537 - If a little on the pokey side. - Don't be nice to me. 445 00:36:50,660 --> 00:36:54,096 Oh, all right, pull yourself together, you cretinous fuckwit! 446 00:36:54,220 --> 00:36:58,498 What sort of a man hides in other people's coats, rocking and whinging to themself? 447 00:36:58,620 --> 00:37:02,693 I'll tell you what sort of a man - a self-centred, egotistical wankpot! 448 00:37:02,820 --> 00:37:05,209 Now unhook yourself and stop being so weak. 449 00:37:05,340 --> 00:37:08,173 Men don't cry. They're strong hunter-gatherers. 450 00:37:08,300 --> 00:37:12,293 So go hunt, go gather, go be a total cunt, because that's what you do best! 451 00:37:12,420 --> 00:37:14,456 Fuck you, you ugly bitch! 452 00:37:14,580 --> 00:37:17,378 Oh, that feels so much better. Fancy a quick fiddle? 453 00:37:17,500 --> 00:37:22,255 I am tempted, cos I'm all fired up. But no, thanks, I'd rather lick my own armpit. 454 00:37:23,820 --> 00:37:25,651 Oh, you... 455 00:37:37,860 --> 00:37:39,976 - Are you going on holiday? - I wish! 456 00:37:40,100 --> 00:37:42,739 No, I'm just staying at a mate's tonight. 457 00:37:42,860 --> 00:37:44,452 Rach. 458 00:37:50,260 --> 00:37:52,694 That's so much better! 459 00:37:56,900 --> 00:38:00,495 Oh, Dr Macartney. Mac, Mac. Er, Dr Mac... 460 00:38:00,620 --> 00:38:03,418 Can I ask your professional opinion? 461 00:38:03,540 --> 00:38:06,134 Yes, it's definitely a chest. 462 00:38:06,260 --> 00:38:08,137 Yeah, yeah, I know that. 463 00:38:08,260 --> 00:38:10,490 Good. Be a bit of a worry if you didn't. 464 00:38:10,620 --> 00:38:15,614 Shall we have another look? I would say it's the chest of a ten-, eleven-year-old boy. 465 00:38:15,740 --> 00:38:18,573 - Fuck off! It's my chest. - Really? 466 00:38:18,700 --> 00:38:21,089 - Can you see why I thought it's a boy's? - No. 467 00:38:21,220 --> 00:38:24,769 I was just wondering if, erm, if you could see anything wrong? 468 00:38:24,900 --> 00:38:26,891 No, it looks pretty clear. 469 00:38:27,020 --> 00:38:30,535 You shouldn't really use hospital equipment for your own diagnosis, 470 00:38:30,660 --> 00:38:34,209 unless you are ill, and then you should consult another doctor. 471 00:38:34,340 --> 00:38:38,219 I'm consulting you, aren't I? I also have a very sore throat. 472 00:38:38,340 --> 00:38:42,379 Do you think it could be cancer of the oesophagus? 473 00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:45,173 I... No, I don't think it is. 474 00:38:45,300 --> 00:38:50,055 Well, you haven't even examined me. I mean, don't you want to check my throat to be sure? 475 00:38:50,180 --> 00:38:52,614 Yeah, OK, fine. Go on, open up. 476 00:38:55,060 --> 00:38:56,129 Hm... 477 00:38:56,260 --> 00:38:58,649 - Say "ah". - Ah. 478 00:38:58,780 --> 00:39:01,374 - Say "aah". - Aah. 479 00:39:01,500 --> 00:39:03,172 - Aaah. - Aaah. 480 00:39:03,300 --> 00:39:05,609 - No, aaaah. - Aaaah. 481 00:39:05,740 --> 00:39:07,378 - Aa-aah. - Aa-aah. 482 00:39:07,500 --> 00:39:09,809 Aarh... Aarh... Aarh... 483 00:39:09,940 --> 00:39:13,012 - You're a bastard! - You are completely fine. 484 00:39:13,140 --> 00:39:17,736 You know what you want to do? Maybe think about investing in some mouthwash. 485 00:39:23,260 --> 00:39:25,535 Ha-ha, minty fresh. 486 00:39:46,500 --> 00:39:49,572 Oh, God! God, sorry! I'm sorry. 487 00:39:49,700 --> 00:39:52,089 Good, good. No, that's good, that's excellent. 488 00:39:52,220 --> 00:39:56,418 I can assure you, Miss Clore, that your toe bone is certainly not broken. 489 00:39:56,540 --> 00:39:59,338 - It's probably just strained. - Thank you, Dr Statham. 490 00:39:59,460 --> 00:40:04,056 Using the, er, the old pre-radiology diagnostic technique 491 00:40:04,180 --> 00:40:07,570 of checking for broken bones, erm, orally. 492 00:40:07,700 --> 00:40:11,375 Now I'd better get on my way - plenty more bones to suck... check! 493 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:30,875 So what's your favourite colour? 494 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,197 - Right now, black. - Black. Ah, I love black. 495 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,311 Hi. Long day? 496 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,432 If you're going to try and give me a shoulder massage, you can piss off. 497 00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:43,348 - I'll have whatever's making her hostile. - Sorry, sorry. 498 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,914 Yes, long day, and it's about to get worse. 499 00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,554 - Am I that terrible? I'll go. - No, not you. 500 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,478 - I've got to interview potential lodgers. - So I heard. 501 00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:53,830 One of them I'll find really hard to reject. 502 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,349 - Why? - A friend, sort of. 503 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,072 - Put them off. - I can't. 504 00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,919 It's easy. Go to Research Faculty, get a nice big rat. 505 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,075 Oh, please. 506 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,192 Dead rat by the toaster, bye-bye friend. I'll sort you out. 507 00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:09,029 A very thoughtful offer, but, at the same time, also quite disgusting. 508 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:13,312 It does work, cos Guy uses it in his flat to get rid of bunny boilers. 509 00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,556 - Are you still here? - Yeah, actually. 510 00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,114 Yeah, good joke, Mart! 511 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,670 - I got you something. - What is it? 512 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,473 What is the most valuable thing in the whole world? 513 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,909 - Plutonium? - Christ, where did you get that?! 514 00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,190 Your privacy. 515 00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:33,113 A lock? 516 00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:37,279 It's bound to happen: Roger the lodger accidentally stumbles into your room, 517 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,710 oh, what a surprise, he catches you in your underwear, 518 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:46,119 and it's all, "Oh, so sorry, I seem to have got the wrong room, haven't got my bearings yet". 519 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:50,392 It might be nice having a man around. I could pretend I can't unblock a U-bend. 520 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,875 He could shake the spiders from my shoes. 521 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:56,515 Yeah, you see, a spider here, a friendly word there, a nightcap, 522 00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:59,518 before you know it you're up against the kitchen units 523 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,313 with your tongues down each other's throats. 524 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:03,395 Who's Roger? 525 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:09,072 The thing is - and trust me here - not all men are gentlemen, like me and Mart. 526 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:15,196 I don't want to scare you, but I'd feel terribly guilty if I didn't try and warn you as a friend. 527 00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:21,951 Well, thank you. I do appreciate your concern. 528 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:28,391 Thanks for the lock. There isn't one on the bathroom and it'll be really useful. 529 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,988 Now you take care. 530 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,190 I will. 531 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,117 See you. 532 00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,311 That was really thoughtful, Guy. 533 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:46,070 Yeah, well, I'm not having some teenage runt porking her before I've had my turn. 534 00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,270 - I'll tell her you said that. - Oooh! 535 00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:52,791 Well, it'll make a change from "What's your favourite colour?" 536 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,873 - Coming for a drink? - Er, probably not. 537 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,117 - Really? - No. I'm going to go for a spin. 538 00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:10,356 Lovely. 539 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:13,957 Do you want a ride? 540 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:19,632 Isn't that a health hazard? And you wonder why they won't make you a consultant! 541 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:37,194 I don't have much storage space here. Do you have a lot of clothes? 542 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:39,117 Do you have any pets? 543 00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:40,992 Children? 544 00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:57,075 Hello. 545 00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:58,872 Hi. 546 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,150 I'm going to see a room tonight. 547 00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:07,389 Yeah, it's a really good area, and it's very handy, so it would be stupid to ignore it. 548 00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:09,556 The landlady's a bit weird. 549 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:13,309 I don't think I'll mention you just yet. I don't want to put her off. 550 00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:17,069 You know what these single saddos can be like about couples. 551 00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:22,399 So I think what I'm going to say is that, you know, I just see you from time to time. 552 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:27,235 What do you think? 553 00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,191 What do you think? 554 00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,834 - Oh, come on! - Oi! 555 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,838 What are you doing? I was listening to that. 556 00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:40,876 Yes - trying to stick your ears into the radio, even though the speakers are in the doors. 557 00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:54,756 Have you got an internet connection? 558 00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:58,475 Cos I like talking to internet ladies, you know, on the internet, 559 00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:04,550 with names like, er, "Hot 4 u" - you know, "Hot 4" and then a letter "u". I love all that. 560 00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:11,351 All right then, here's the choice. 561 00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:19,637 A bit of, er, Peter up the pantry passage, or, erm, holiday snaps of Crete, 1976? 562 00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:21,557 Oh, Crete. 563 00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:24,194 - Sure? - Yeah. 564 00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:31,631 Doing that sort of thing, which is nice cos you can see what they look like. 565 00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:37,749 I'm an only child. 566 00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:42,997 Mummy and Daddy and me! 567 00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:45,636 I feel better now. 568 00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:54,394 That's the taverna, and there I am, eating some calamari and tzatziki... 569 00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:58,832 - Actually, it may be taramasalata... - Oh, is it taramasalata? 570 00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:02,236 There's Cathy again, in the Minoan palace of Knossos. 571 00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:03,998 - Knossos. - Knossos, yes. 572 00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:05,712 - Knossos. - Yes, yes, Knossos. 573 00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:09,674 And you can see she's got a bit of sunburn on the upper arms there. 574 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,917 - Poor Cathy's upper arms. Oh, boo-hoo. - Just stop it! 575 00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:16,077 - Stop it. - Don't say stop it when I'm saying stop it! 576 00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:21,354 No, I said stop it! You're just spoiling it! You're just like Simon shitting Mason! 577 00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:28,113 You know, "Oh, I'm so clever, I can make everybody in the class laugh at stupid Alan". 578 00:46:28,240 --> 00:46:31,312 Well, Simon, the picture was interesting 579 00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:35,797 and some people - Colin Cann, for instance - found it very interesting, so just shut it! 580 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,037 You just bloody shut it, and if you don't, I'll, I'll... 581 00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:42,072 - You'll what? - I'll tell a man about you. 582 00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:49,788 And not my dad, a big foreign uncle with big hands, which are bigger than your fffffface! 583 00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:55,153 So, Simon shitting Mason, you just shut it, or you'll crap your pants. 584 00:46:55,280 --> 00:47:00,832 And then everyone will smell your fear, and then... You just shut up! Shut up! 585 00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:02,951 Shut up! Just... 586 00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:06,795 I love you, Simon! 587 00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:31,232 Oh, hello. Sorry to call you so late. Is Tony Phillips still there, please? 588 00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,150 Thank you. 589 00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:36,077 - Tony speaking. - Tony, hello. 590 00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:39,351 - I was just reading your article about... - In "Men's Health"? 591 00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:42,074 - Yeah, yeah, that one. Sorry? - Call the helpline. 592 00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,839 - No, I'm a doctor. - Yeah... 593 00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,390 - No, I really am. - They all say that. 594 00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:51,796 No, I really am a doctor. Listen, Tony, I was just wondering, 595 00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:56,357 you know, when you measure it, do you measure it from where it joins the stomach, 596 00:47:56,480 --> 00:48:01,759 or from the actual base itself, the bit that goes down towards the general arse area? 597 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,394 - From the base. - From the actual base itself. 598 00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:07,193 Yeah, I thought so. Thank you... 599 00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:11,873 Yes! 600 00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:18,276 These floorboards are a bit loose. I don't think the police put them down properly. 601 00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:19,594 The police? 602 00:48:19,720 --> 00:48:23,952 Yeah. Four bodies, I think it was. You'd never think there was space under there. 603 00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:27,117 Still, the smell's gone now, pretty much. 604 00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:29,959 The "Checkout Girl" murders. 605 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,349 How exciting. 606 00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:36,597 Sometimes you can hear cash registers in the night. 607 00:48:36,720 --> 00:48:39,029 We could have a seance. 608 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,070 - OK, when do you want to move in? - Tomorrow? 609 00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:43,838 Hooray! 610 00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:47,153 Were you trying to put me off? 611 00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:51,072 Just, er, testing your commitment. 612 00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:55,239 I only want someone who really wants to be here. 613 00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,271 Very wise. 614 00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:14,475 It looks like I myself shall have to charm the mighty python. 615 00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:30,559 Oh, Princess Joanna, darling, 616 00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:36,437 the snake has risen from the basket and awaits your tender caress. 617 00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,155 Suzy? Babe? 618 00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:49,798 Oh, hello. Oh, hello, Frank. 619 00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:51,831 No, no, it's Geoff. 620 00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:56,029 Yeah. No, I'm an old school friend of Suzy's. 621 00:49:57,040 --> 00:50:00,669 I know she did, but I moved down when I was twelve. 622 00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:05,070 From... Derbyshire. 623 00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:08,589 Oh, do they? Which part? 624 00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:12,034 Which part? Which bit? 625 00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:20,392 Oh, I know I don't, but because I've got a bit of a cold at the moment and I'm a bit sad... 626 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:25,629 About... Well, about my... hedgerows. 627 00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:28,034 Yeah. 628 00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,516 I've got to go now. I've got to go to the Vale. 629 00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:34,989 The Vale of Pewter. 630 00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:39,870 Near... Derby. 631 00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:43,629 OK. OK, bye. 632 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,473 Think I got away with that. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net