1 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:07,190 So no recollection of anything in the 24 hours prior to the accident 2 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:11,074 and patchy - I would say, 20 to 80% - during the previous eight weeks. 3 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,875 You know that I'm trying to get Mac to piece together what happened between him and me, 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,276 and yet, at this very crucial time, there you go filling his head with your complete bollocks. 5 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:22,712 I've just been in the bush there having... having sex with an attractive young lady. 6 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,991 - I hope you're not upset or jealous at all. - No, not jealous. 7 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:30,910 (squeaky voice) ' Pregnancy can produce a number of conflicting emotions...' 8 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,320 - Act normal. - Dr Secretan, good morning. 9 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,749 Good mummy. 10 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,235 Oh, Jesus! 11 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,233 - Oh, hello. You're in early. - So are you. 12 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,996 (retches ) 13 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,835 (groans, then spits ) 14 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,349 There we are. All done. 15 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,232 - I know what you're thinking. - OK. 16 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,194 - But I give a surprisingly effective blow job. - I'll be sure to pass that on. 17 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,276 Marvellous. 18 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,633 'Scuse me, he'll do full-frontal nudity if you want. 19 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:36,993 Yeah, only if there is no artistic justification and these two guys get to be my fluffers. 20 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:42,676 I don't get these documentary people. They said they'd ring about what they wanted. 21 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,839 Oh, I forgot to say. I got a call yesterday from the, uh, producer thingy. 22 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,279 - You did? - Yeah. 23 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,439 They've asked me to present something - a sort of token member-of-staff thing. 24 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:53,675 What? 25 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,473 They said I look like that person from Animal Hospital. 26 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,910 - Rolf Harris? - No, no, no, no, no. Trudy? Trude? 27 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,951 You know, the blonde, sexy one. 28 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:06,915 I can't see it myself, but they are the professionals. 29 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,190 I was supposed to do that. 30 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,311 I got a special outfit and everything. 31 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,398 Oh, let's see. Where is it? 32 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,594 Oh, oh. It's nice. 33 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:26,039 - So where's Guy? Missed the bus? - (both ) Banned. 34 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,197 - So a taxi, then? - (both ) Banned. 35 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,550 - Perhaps he's walking. - (scoffs ) 36 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,432 What, he's banned from walking? 37 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:37,348 Not a bad idea. It's all very well some court taking away his driving licence, 38 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:41,553 but did they consider who they are letting loose on the pedestrian community? 39 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,229 - What's a fluffer? - Come on. I'll show you. 40 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,039 Right, thank you. Pay attention, everybody, please. 41 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,469 OK, good morning, filmy people. 42 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,875 A few ground rules, one or two do's and don'ts. 43 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,117 As some of you may already know, my name's Joanna Clore, and... 44 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,710 I'm Sue White and everything comes through me. 45 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,991 That's not to say I've got bowel problems. A bit of trapped wind. 46 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,635 What it does mean is that I am in charge of staff liaising and media... 47 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,910 What are you doing? 48 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,672 Laying down the law. 49 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,836 You're not the sheriff in this town. I am. 50 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:36,318 You can take your pointy star and shove it up your back crack! This is my area of expertise. 51 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,829 What? High-pitched squealing and scary eyes? 52 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,030 I do liaising and organising. 53 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,470 Which is your specialist field? Being tall and menopausal? 54 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,318 Right, that's it. Get to your room. 55 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:51,753 You're not to speak to the film crew for the rest of the day. D'you hear me? Come on. 56 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,917 OK. I arrange things in this hospital. 57 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:59,238 I'm the lone arranger. I make the impossible possible. 58 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:03,672 Yeah, and you'd think it was impossible, but Joanna here used to be a John. 59 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,234 Check out the big clown feet - huge. 60 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,079 And the, uh, stubble. It's a dead giveaway. 61 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,031 Get to your room. 62 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,515 And she's still got a jobby-jabber. 63 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,074 Get inside. Go away. 64 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:30,669 You know, I was thinking, those bits of my memory that seem to have got mislaid, 65 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:34,554 they're probably wiped for good, but I'm very glad that I'm catching up. 66 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:38,798 - It feels like you and I probably got on well. - Sorry, do I know you? 67 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,717 - Very good. - What's very good? 68 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,559 That bit when you pretend to be mean to me - love that. 69 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,877 - Who are you? What do you want? - Ahem. Um... 70 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,070 Are you going to be like this all the time? 71 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,191 I may have to call Security. 72 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,356 Are you going to do this in theatre? 73 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,711 - You can have too much of a good thing. - Oh, ha-ha. 74 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,717 I know what's happened here. 75 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:04,597 You must be talking about my identical twin sister Caroline. 76 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:09,999 - Pardon? You're... you're Caroline. - No, no. No, no. I'm actually Baroline. 77 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,632 - Baroline? - Yes. You see, it was an alphabetical thing. 78 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,115 I was born slightly earlier. 79 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,356 And... and you are? 80 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,835 Uh... Dr Macartney. 81 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,397 Dr Macartney, pleased to meet you. 82 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:29,911 I hope we enjoy working together as much as my twin sister probably did. 83 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,871 - Thanks very much. - See you later. 84 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,150 See you later. 85 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,396 Dr Statham. 86 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,353 All right, I'll be right with you. 87 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,509 - We can probably just pop those back on. - Right. 88 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,274 Shit! Sorry. 89 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,960 Sorry. Didn't you hear me honking? 90 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,071 I was... You... 91 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,351 It's OK, I'm a doctor and you'll be fine. 92 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,391 Look into my eyes. 93 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,318 What's wrong with you? Come on! 94 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,874 Pulled out in front of me. 95 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:22,192 - Oh, sorry I'm late. The kids. - Took forever to get ready? 96 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,470 - Yeah, and then the traffic. - Was terrible? 97 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,750 Yes, wasn't it? Then I had to stop off at... 98 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,598 Oh. 99 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,473 Well, who did I leave at the vet's, then? 100 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,757 (chirrups ) Puss, puss, puss, puss, puss? 101 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,159 - No pets allowed! - (Harriet screams ) 102 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,236 (cat squeals ) 103 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,593 Oh, for God's sake! Uh... 104 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:55,713 Here, look. Just fly, it'll all come back to you when you get up there. Ready? 105 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,671 You'll be fine. Here you go, OK? 106 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,951 On the count of three. One, two, three. 107 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:12,148 My-my testosterone levels have been pushed up to an enormous 896. 108 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,157 Oh, so that's... that's quite high. 109 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:18,512 Yes. My body has become considerably hairier. 110 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:23,236 I've... I've had to move up a pant size and I feel a lot more grr. 111 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,318 Oh, dear. Just lend yourself to me. 112 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:31,673 You see, I used to have an outlet, a highly charged sexy sex colleague, 113 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:36,920 but she's seen fit to turn her sexy back, as have I, it's reciprocal. 114 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,874 Unfortunately now my love cup rather runneth over. 115 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,993 You know, the juices have nowhere to, um, dissipate. 116 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,792 - Can you feel that? - No. 117 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,717 - That? - No. 118 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,953 Oh, yeah, I'm coming through. 119 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,832 You call those backpacks? 120 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,633 You should get a real deal, you loser! 121 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,557 Slate 45, take one. 122 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,035 (man ) And action. 123 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,996 - Angela, what are you doing? - I was filming a continuity shot. 124 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:17,070 No, no, no, no, no. That was dressage, was it? And what's this? 125 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,351 A delusional woman finally losing her grip on reality? 126 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:24,189 No, no, no, no. This. What's this? What's this? 127 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,469 Cellulite? 128 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,270 A wiggle. You were walking with a wiggle. I've never seen you wiggle. 129 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,675 - Haven't you? - No. You don't have a wiggle. 130 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,519 - You're faking it for the camera. - I don't think so. 131 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:38,110 I'm not the one who has to invent quirky habits to get attention. 132 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,595 And they all seemed to like it. 133 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,679 Ooh, men like wiggly bottoms. Hold the front page! 134 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,793 Angela, it's a documentary. It's supposed to show what we're really like. 135 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:53,948 Why aren't you wearing unflattering slacks and some mismatched top, then? Oh, you are. 136 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,833 Shall we take another shoot? 137 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,389 Whaaaat? 138 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,830 - I want to report a murder threat. - Right. Who are you going to kill? 139 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:20,270 - No, it's me. I might be killed. - Right. 140 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,550 I have got a video tape. 141 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:27,514 - Really? Is it Thumbelina? - No, I gave that back. 142 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:33,590 Guy has made a camcorder tape of him doing it with his... well, with our mother. 143 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,276 (spits ) A tape? (clears throat) 144 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,710 - Are you tugging my squirrel? - No. Guy made a tape for a bet. 145 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:52,594 Did he? Right. Well, why did he give the tape to the king of the elf people? 146 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,553 - He thought I looked like a priest. - Were you in a pulpit? 147 00:09:55,680 --> 00:10:00,037 No. I had a black T-shirt on with a white T-shirt underneath. He could kind of see that. 148 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:04,392 He was very, very drunk and he wanted absolution, and I looked a bit priesty. 149 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,672 And, to be fair, I was hiding from Karen and so I had a false beard and some glasses. 150 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:13,510 Even though he thought I was a priest, he threatened to kill me if I told anyone. 151 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,872 - Just as well you haven't told me, isn't it? - I know. 152 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,236 Chop, chop, chop it. Cut. Cut it. 153 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,268 That's, um... 154 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,551 Welcome to our humble palace of miracles. 155 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:38,435 At committee level I could have pooh-poohed your plan to disrupt medical science 156 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:43,315 for the sake of televisual titillation, but luckily I gave you the benefit of any dubiety. 157 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:48,195 You stick with me and everything should run like the proverbial baby's bottom. 158 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,595 - Smoothly. - And you are? 159 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:55,953 Dr Alan Statham, con... con... consultant radiologist. 160 00:10:56,080 --> 00:11:00,870 Oh, dear, it's a bit rude. Should actually say cunt... sult... contuntant. 161 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,468 - But I've ordered a new one. - Right. 162 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:11,077 I just thought, you know, murder threat, tell someone. 163 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:17,313 OK, right. Just... I've not been in here, OK? 164 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,876 I've not told you anything. We'll just leave it at that, yeah? OK. 165 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,355 Slow down, shortie! 166 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,512 Where is this tape now? 167 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,598 - Well, it's not in my pants. - No? 168 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,636 I-I can't give that to you. 169 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,957 - Don't do anything bad with it. - No. 170 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:58,394 I also would like to say that I dabble in humorous writing. 171 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,551 Yes. No. There it is. 172 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:06,879 And should you require any addenda to your scripts, with an informed medical slant, 173 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:11,471 yet at the same time having a slightly sardonic or satirical... 174 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,875 - Addenda? - Excuse me. 175 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,558 - Addenda? - Plural of addendum. 176 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,672 Addendum. Yes, yes. 177 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,917 Would your contributions be in English or Latin? 178 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,873 - Could be either. - I think early Aramaic might be best. 179 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,310 - That's just... - They've gone. 180 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:32,274 Oh right. Vale. Valete. 181 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,316 (sings ) 182 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,558 Hallelujah, hallelujah 183 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:51,118 Hallelujah 184 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:52,992 Yes! 185 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,753 - You're joking? - Yeah. Then he said I was crap in bed. 186 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,313 I was fucking devastated! 187 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,319 But it turned out what he was trying to say was that I'd crapped in the bed. 188 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,237 I had been very pissed that night. 189 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,715 So that was OK. 190 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,871 - Sue White wants you to go to her office. - What? 191 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,956 - Sue White wants you... - Yes, I heard. 192 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,595 Tell the caber-tossing tart I have rank. She comes to my office. 193 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,029 Ah, she said you'd say that. She said to say, 194 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,470 she's got something on her desk... Well, she made me write it down. 195 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,431 Something to do with your son 196 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,711 putting his undersized sausage in your catering-sized oven 197 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:45,550 and it getting burnt, and it all being hilariously caught on camera. 198 00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:49,958 Yeah. She wants to show it to you as she's thinking of sending it to You've Been Framed. 199 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:54,153 So that's good, isn't it, because you get GBP250 for every clip they show. 200 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,317 (Joanna moans ) 201 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,396 (squeals ) 202 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:13,310 She's a bit overexcited cos her cookery clip might be shown on You've Been Framed. 203 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,037 (Caroline) I'm just saying it's a male-dominated workplace. 204 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,115 Bollocks! 205 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,390 I've got a few other points you could prove. 206 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:27,832 - There are women everywhere. - (Mac) Crunching underfoot everywhere. 207 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:32,112 Have you ever paid for a woman to walk on you? I have. It's pointless. It really hurt. 208 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,231 It's like working with Germaine Greer. 209 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,749 She was all right in her time. Bit tall. 210 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:40,236 - (Mac) Big mouth. - Yeah, not a hindrance. 211 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,749 Not a hindrance at all. 212 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,348 Because, you see, I've got a great big cock. 213 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:50,314 - (Caroline) Guy, shush. - And massive testes. 214 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:56,231 (Mac) Dr Todd, a little fiddly bit coming up now, so if we can just... 215 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,591 They're like cricket balls. They're like tennis balls. 216 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:03,076 Well, no, boules. They're like boules de pétanque. 217 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,875 You know, huge, throbbing nut sacks. 218 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,072 Massive quivering gonads. 219 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,192 What? What are you staring at? Mr average ginger bollocks. 220 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,993 They're like two tiny Scotch eggs. You've got no balls at all. 221 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:21,078 (Caroline) You're right. I'm a great big freak. 222 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,640 They're like that, sort of. 223 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,353 You insane Caledonian bitch! 224 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,835 I want to tear your face off 225 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,315 and eat it. 226 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,472 Please, please give me the tape back. 227 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,034 I-I'll give you money. 228 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,074 What do you want? 229 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,471 - Put them in. - Bugger off! 230 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,160 I desire you to put them in. 231 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,196 Let's play 232 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:29,110 ' find the lady accidentally having sex with her son' . 233 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,992 Ready? 234 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,160 - That one. - Sorry! 235 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,680 - That one. - Oh, dear. 236 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,437 That one. 237 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,994 Just tell me what you fucking want! (sucks ) 238 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,439 - A couple of things. - Yes? 239 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,552 You to know your place. 240 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,398 Yes. And? 241 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,557 I want to fly, like a bird... 242 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,272 like a plane. 243 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,949 - Well, that's impossible. - Oh, now, come on, eh? 244 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,959 You, the ' lone arranger' , the ' one that makes the impossible possible' . 245 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,640 It was a figure of speech. 246 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,799 Like a tiny bird woman, I want to glide in the air. 247 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,629 Now leave me. I must rest my scary eyes. 248 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,716 The teeth! 249 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,760 They were my grandmother's. 250 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:40,669 She used to lick the dog's balls with them. 251 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,995 (barks ) 252 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,797 It's just such a rush. Whizz! 253 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,514 It's a real surge of whoosh. 254 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:55,272 A bit da-da, a bit oo-ah. One more minute and those babies might not have made it. 255 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,995 It's making those split-second decisions and getting it right 256 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,031 that makes my job so satisfying. 257 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,469 Aaah, aaah. 258 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,795 And cut. 259 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,512 - Yes! - Wow! 260 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,119 You are brilliant. 261 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,994 - Thanks. I am feeling a bit horny. - Blood makes you horny? 262 00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:16,076 - No, putting my hand up women. - Oh. 263 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,555 - And delivering babies. It's amazing. - Right. 264 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,069 - Want some action in the delivery room? - Please. 265 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,555 Let me lead you in. 266 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,949 I knew she could act, but I didn't know Angela could do slut. 267 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,071 Yeah, and talking of doing sluts, 268 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,670 I went down on a Guide leader the other night. 269 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:40,031 - She gave me a special badge. - And we're back. 270 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:44,118 What was that, then? Vag badge? 271 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:45,992 - Advanced cock knotting. - Oh. 272 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,309 No. No, no, you naughty... No, you may not... 273 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,876 You may not smack my bare bottom, you... 274 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,070 It's absolutely... 275 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,997 Oh, dear. You've caught us. 276 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:06,398 We thought you were away. While the cat's away, we thought we mice would have a play. 277 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:11,548 Yeah, not in the mood, Alan. Possibly the worst day of my life. 278 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,999 Oh, dear. Oh, dear, oh, dear. 279 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,997 Oh. 280 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:24,590 - It's Quim, uh, Kim, isn't it? - Yeah. 281 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,870 Kim. Kim, Kim, Kim. 282 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,912 Tell you what, if you and I were related, 283 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,919 you would be my kith and Kim. 284 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:38,511 Yes, you see. I don't suppose they'd let us have a kith, would... 285 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,108 - Are you trying to be funny? - Hm. Yes, well... 286 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:45,074 Careful, because when the rapier of my wit is fully unsheathed, 287 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:49,796 I can make a woman laugh until she fills her shoes with piddle. 288 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,797 You don't say. 289 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,434 (mutters ) 290 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,198 So... 291 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,357 I've got it. I've got it. There it is. That's fine. 292 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,710 - Can I help you? - Well, no, you know, nothing. 293 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:05,310 Just, um, enjoying the... you... 294 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,477 the view... view of you, not, um... 295 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,353 Do you want a closer look? 296 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,233 Well, yes, I do. Yes, I do. 297 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,032 Oh, dear. 298 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,038 I think we're probably married now. I just said, ' I do' . 299 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:25,109 Well, seeing as we're married, perhaps we should have a kiss. Do you think? 300 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,117 Kiss... kiss me so she sees. 301 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,198 - OK. Are you ready? - Oh, my God! 302 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,437 - Close your eyes. - Wait! Joanna, look. We're doing kissing. 303 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,551 Mm. No. What's... 304 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,513 No, don't. 305 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,278 - What's going on? - She's... 306 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,391 - He tried to have me on my desk. - Is it true? 307 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,080 - She stapled me. - Did you try to have her on this desk? 308 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,509 No, why would I have her on the... why try... 309 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,278 No. 310 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,675 - All right. - Get out, Alan. Come on. 311 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,109 Don't come back or I'll prosecute. 312 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,231 Plenty more ties like this... 313 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,718 Yes, what do you want, freak? 314 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,115 I was just about to watch a really hot video. 315 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:07,313 - Oh, look, I haven't got time for games. - Funny. You did when you filmed this. 316 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:11,513 (French accent) Monsieur, you must be more careful with your camcorder tapes. 317 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,473 - Not exactly a pair of lookers. - How did you get that tape? 318 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,875 How? How, how, how, how, how, how? 319 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,956 How do you solve a problem like Maria? 320 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:20,911 Listen to me, OK? 321 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:24,271 - If anyone else sees that tape, I'll... - You'll what? 322 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,799 - I'll kill you. - Really? 323 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:29,196 - I'll shoot your pointy face off. - That's highly unlikely. 324 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:33,791 I could, however, be persuaded to postpone distribution. 325 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:38,630 - Well, what do you want? - Two things. Firstly, secret of fire. 326 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:39,954 And? 327 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:46,428 Let's keep the Trodd from entangling herself in the lion's mane. Set the lion free, free. 328 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,394 Right. You want me to get an actual lion... 329 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:55,116 No, I want you to keep Dr Macartney away from Dr Caroline. 330 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,071 I know! 331 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,112 I'm playing your game. It's such an easy game to play. 332 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,595 ' Oh, look at me. I'm mad and I'm Scotch.' 333 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,473 - You weren't there then. - Yeah. Deep-fry yourself. 334 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,909 Half Swiss beats mad Scotch any day of the week. 335 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,316 Right, listen to me. Do anything. Marry her if you have to. 336 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,795 I was thinking of marrying her at some point. 337 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,957 Dream on. Just keep them apart, would you? 338 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:21,756 Or this starts doing the perv circuit. 339 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,677 Oh, shitting Jesus! 340 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,360 Just do it. I must rest. 341 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,835 Do my bidding. 342 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,793 - You take that back, Mr Boyce. - No. 343 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,831 - I insist that you take it back. - No. 344 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,552 - Take it back, please. - No. 345 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,113 - You take it back. - No. 346 00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,476 - You take it back. - No. 347 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,717 Take it back, take it back, take it back, take it back, take it back... 348 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,717 All right! You're not a pedant. 349 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:53,116 - Properly. - I'm sorry. You're not a pedant. 350 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,869 - Bloody. You said bloody. - You're not a bloody pedant. 351 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,149 Good. Thank you. 352 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,555 Now, then. Where were we? 353 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,593 Well, ten minutes ago it was one minute past 12 and I made the heinous... 354 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,712 - Heinous. - ..heinous error of saying good morning. 355 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:08,795 The rest is history. 356 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,879 Well, Mr Boyce, where would history be without its great sticklers for detail? 357 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:17,471 Would Louis Pasteur have said, ' Good morning' if it was clearly the afternoon? 358 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:21,070 - I think he would have said, ' Bonjour' . - No. Forgive me. 359 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,193 He would have said, if it was a minute past midday, ' Bon après-midí . 360 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,791 I don't think he would have said anything to you, let alone given you the time of day. 361 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,309 - That is disrespectful. Take that back now. - No. 362 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,079 All right, well, I've got all day. 363 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,197 Right, everybody leave. Go on. 364 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,231 Right, see you in five minutes, yeah? 365 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:50,672 Not you, Mr Boyce. You stay here until you take it back. 366 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,759 - I'm not going to take it back. - (mumbles ) 367 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,758 I'm glad... You should have learnt your lesson. Hm? 368 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,314 I've got things to do. 369 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,951 You, stop. Where are you going? 370 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,914 - You said stick with you until I take it back. - I didn't mean follow me around. 371 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,749 - So, take it back. - All right. I take it back. You take it back. 372 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,156 - No. - In that case, I take back my take back. 373 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,397 So, does that mean I do have to stay with you? 374 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,192 No, no. 375 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,880 - So take it back. - No, I won't. 376 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:36,909 Oh, dear. Shall we open up another one of those, uh, thingumajigs? 377 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,429 Wait. I know this one. Is it, um, body? Body? 378 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,039 Body. Body. Body. 379 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,232 Well, I think we'll soon have one of those through here... 380 00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,237 - Good, good, good. - ..in the... 381 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,237 - Cinema? - ..theatre. 382 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:50,715 Theatre, right. Doh. 383 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,750 Huh. 384 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:02,112 - What? - What? Oh, it's just a bit weird. 385 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:03,639 - What? - What, the... 386 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:08,515 Oh, just seeing you be nice to her, you know. You know, the ' sarcastic witch' . 387 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,757 Your words. Not mine. You probably won't remember. 388 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,677 No, I'd never say anything like that. 389 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:18,954 Well, normally you wouldn't, no, but you really hated her. 390 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,278 - Why would I hate her? - Beats me. I got on well with her, but... 391 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:28,110 Well, actually, she did use to criticise you a lot. All the time, actually. 392 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:32,279 She used to call you clumsy in theatre, arrogant, emotionally sterile. 393 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:33,992 No, I'm not clumsy in theatre. 394 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:36,588 No, you're not. That's the whole point. 395 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,599 She'd call you arrogant and emotionally sterile in social situations. 396 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:44,235 She said you were a bike-obsessed, fop-haired git, which is... 397 00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:45,873 - Really? Really? - Yeah. 398 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,514 It's all right, though. It's no big deal, is it? 399 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,790 - We have to work together. - You'll be fine. 400 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:54,037 - She seems civil enough now. - Yeah, yeah. Doesn't she? 401 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,799 That's because she's putting on a really good front. 402 00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:01,471 It's probably because you've been unwell, but that was what was making me laugh. 403 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,558 Oh, yeah. Anyway, yeah. Right. 404 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:31,275 That was nice. Gentle, but firm. 405 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,470 Yeah. Um... 406 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:38,196 Uh, what I wanted to say was... 407 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,470 - Yeah? - Um... 408 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,352 Doof! 409 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:52,678 Why don't me and you have an open relationship? 410 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,950 You mean see other people? 411 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,116 Yeah. 412 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,674 But I don't want to see other people. 413 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,633 Do you want to see other people? 414 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,512 Me? Um... 415 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:12,308 Uh, I've not really thought about it, to be honest, but, yeah, if you want. 416 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,477 How often would we see each other? 417 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:19,149 I don't know, maybe once... every year. 418 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,510 - What? - Well, ten months, then. 419 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:26,919 Once every ten... I mean, it's just... It's fluid, you know? That's the point. 420 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,794 - So what do you think? - I'm going to say no. 421 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:36,074 Yeah, but it could be once every two days. It would depend on circumstances, yeah? 422 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,988 I mean, think about it and get back to me. 423 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:42,270 Oh, love you. 424 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,757 I've decided you can leave. You don't have to take it back. 425 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,836 No. I'm not leaving until I take it back. 426 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,111 Everything's back. I release you from all future take-backs. 427 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,913 - It's not and you can't. - I can. You can't be here. 428 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,632 - I can and I will. - You shan't. 429 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,159 - Could. - You wouldn't. 430 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:06,872 - I wod. - You wodn't. 431 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,479 - I nod. - You nodn't. 432 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,990 - I did do. - You didn't do. Now look away, I'm... 433 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:14,315 - You peed. You ped. - I peedn't! I pedn't! 434 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,635 - You pedant! - No, I... You pedant. 435 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,910 - No. Take it back. - No, you take it back. 436 00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:23,192 - No, take it back. - You take it back. No, don't you... No! 437 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,958 - Hey. - Hi. Hi. 438 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,832 Hi. 439 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,956 I, um... 440 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:43,793 - This is difficult. - Really? 441 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,876 Yeah. 442 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:51,757 I just wanted to say that I know that there was maybe something going on between us 443 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,599 before the accident. 444 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,870 - You know? - Yeah. 445 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,869 Well, I know that I behaved in a certain way and you behaved in a certain way. 446 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,673 I think that maybe there was... 447 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:09,955 like a misunderstanding. 448 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:16,116 - A misunderstanding? - Yeah, maybe we got our wires crossed. 449 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,516 I'm sorry. It was probably my... well, it was definitely my fault. 450 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,189 Basically what I'm saying is it shouldn't have happened. 451 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,880 - Are you sure? - Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yeah. 452 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:33,438 I thought maybe we could start again with a clean slate, put all that shit behind us. 453 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,756 What do you think? 454 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,876 If you say so. 455 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,039 Great. 456 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:46,912 Cool. 457 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:57,876 Penny for your thoughts? 458 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,908 Yeah, yeah. 459 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,589 I used to box. I used to box in the navy, yeah. 460 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:22,475 Ow! 461 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,433 What the hell were you thinking of? Making a bloody tape! 462 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,950 Yeah, all right, good point, but I needed proof for a bet. 463 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,992 Bet? What bet? You had a bet? 464 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:37,194 Let me finish. For a bet-ter way of improving my technique. 465 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,118 I do it with my golf swing as well. I video that. 466 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:46,190 To check the stance and the grip and the position of the shaft on impact. 467 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,112 See where you're going wrong. 468 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,515 - You're sicker than I thought. - Yeah. 469 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,438 And how did that evil Scottish harpy get her talons on it? 470 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,472 Frankly, this is the disgusting bit - I gave it to a priest, 471 00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,068 and the bastard seems to have fucked me over. 472 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:01,838 You gave it to a priest? 473 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,918 I was pissed at the time. Confessing seemed like a good idea. 474 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,554 You don't expect to get shat on by the clergy, do you? 475 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,477 - This is a nightmare. - Yeah. 476 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:13,957 I'm going to be her gimp for the rest of eternity. 477 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,316 (phone rings ) 478 00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:21,876 (phone stops ) 479 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,116 (phone rings ) 480 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,436 (phone stops ) 481 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,316 (phone rings ) 482 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,476 (phone stops ) 483 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:57,955 Having trouble making her look real? 484 00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,071 What is she doing working in a hospital? 485 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,077 Working? Not since you've been here. 486 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,235 - Wasted. - What? 487 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,112 She is completely wasted. 488 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,800 I think she had a couple of vodkas this morning. 489 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,388 I mean, she just ticks every box. 490 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,592 Face: yes. Voice: yes. Body: yes. 491 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,393 It's almost unheard of, isn't it, having all three. 492 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:17,919 - Hello. - Hiya. 493 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,270 Guess what? Patrick's going to Toronto. 494 00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,356 - Bye. - No, no, no, no, no. Next week. 495 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:26,359 To make a part-improvised doc-rom-com. He wants me to go with him, the madman. 496 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:30,359 It is not mad. It is about the sanest thing I've ever done in my life. 497 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:35,429 - That is worrying. Do they let you drive? - The crystals are aligning for me right now. 498 00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:41,476 We're almost there with the funding and now this angel has just fallen into my lap. 499 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:45,479 - Sometimes you just get a gut reaction. - I'm getting a strong one as we speak. 500 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,798 Toronto sounds so exciting. Just part of me thinks I should just bloody go! 501 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:55,119 Well, you can't miss out on a doc-rom-com-pompom. 502 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,198 - No. No pompoms. - Are you sure? 503 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,436 Maybe you play a cheerleader. 504 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,313 - That's a good idea. - Or a poncho. 505 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,390 I know she's sworn us to secrecy, but I've got to tell you. 506 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,080 You and Caroline... before the accident, you know. 507 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:16,556 - What? We took cocaine together? - No, no, no, no. Big buddies, yeah. 508 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,832 Interesting, in that I just heard a slightly different story from Guy. 509 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,599 - Who do you trust more? Me or Guy? - It's a tricky one. 510 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:27,998 - Well, I'd swear on my penis. - Hm, then I would be forced to believe you. 511 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,078 Plus, of course, if I ask you, who would you trust more? 512 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,839 Guy or anyone else in the world? It's not going to be Guy. 513 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:37,953 - I didn't even need the penis thing. - Not really. See ya. 514 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,117 Oh, here we go. Coming up to the big 500. 515 00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,435 490. One, two, three, four... 516 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,074 Whoa! Ah, now you've dropped the rope. Shit! 517 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,998 - What did you do that for? You ruined it! - Sorry, sorry. 518 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,112 You know what I've done? I have thrown a spanner in the works. 519 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,071 Why would anyone want to do that? 520 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,556 Shit. I'd better go and ask my old friend Caroline Todd, 521 00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:01,116 cos apparently, apparently, we used to get on really well. 522 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,993 - Yeah, I can explain about that. - Leave it. Leave it. 523 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:08,318 This is ridiculous. You find something you can't have, so you have to destroy it. 524 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,432 - But that isn't it. - Save it. Save it. 525 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,438 - Jealousy does terrible things. - It's not jealousy. 526 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,152 - What was it, then? - Well... 527 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,236 - What was it? - I can't say. 528 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:23,957 - Ah! Finally run out of excuses. - No, no. All right. I was blackmailed into it. 529 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:28,949 Brilliant. There's one left right down at the bottom of the dirty, mucky little barrel. 530 00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,640 Blackmail? Yeah, love it. Brilliant. 531 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,716 I was! 532 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,272 You... 533 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,916 Kim, get me Sue White's file and look for dirt. 534 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,116 Anything. Arson, abuse, pilfering, embezzlement. 535 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:12,800 - (phone rings ) - Yeah? 536 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,229 And I want a chandelier. 537 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,635 - A chandelier. - (Sue) A motorised one. 538 00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:21,309 Oh, don't be rid... I'll see what I can do. 539 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,352 I shall drive it through the hospital waving at people. 540 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,232 Are you sure you mean a chandelier? 541 00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,112 Parp, parp. 542 00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:29,992 Wave. 543 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,231 Right. What have we got? Anything? 544 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,079 - Oh, wait. There's a complaints file. - I knew it. 545 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,509 (both ) Argh! 546 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,200 Damn, she's good. 547 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,389 Parp, parp, parp. 548 00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,590 Wave, wave, wave, wave. 549 00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:50,757 Parp, parp, parp. Honk, honk. 550 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,909 - What's that? - It's a card. 551 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:00,792 Ah. What's the occasion? 552 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:06,233 Um, nothing, you know. Just me getting out of the lift, I suppose. 553 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,828 - So can I have it now? - No, not yet. Not yet. 554 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,758 - No, because I'll give it to you... - (lift bell rings ) 555 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:13,518 ..now. 556 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,200 Oh, yeah. It jams sometimes. 557 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:20,393 No, don't open it yet. Hello. Can I get some help, please? We're stuck in the lift. 558 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,272 Please. Quickly! 559 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,073 - Can I have the card? - No, not yet. 560 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:28,033 - Go on. I want to open it. - It's best if you open it later. 561 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:29,388 No. You'll spoil it. 562 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,159 - Give me the card! - There you go. 563 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,628 Ah, a sad little puppy face. 564 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,752 ' So sorry you're leaving.' Sorry I'm leaving? 565 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:44,395 (groans ) Oh, my stomach. Argh! 566 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:48,877 ' Dear Karen, I do really like you, but I think we should stop seeing each other.' 567 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,912 Oh, my God. I've got cancer. That's what it is. Argh. 568 00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:56,716 ' Completely. No offence. Yours sorrowfully, Martin. Kiss.' 569 00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,479 - That is bizarre. Do you know what? - What? 570 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,990 Somebody has Tipp-Exed out my original message, OK, 571 00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,430 and written their own message in there, forged my writing. 572 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:10,519 What... I mean, why would somebody do that? It's just evil! 573 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,313 - That's probably Guy, just... - (lift bell rings ) 574 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,396 What's that? 575 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:27,710 - All right? - Fine. And you? 576 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:29,796 Yeah, good. 577 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:39,395 I wanted to say to you, please ignore what I said earlier about us wiping the slate clean. 578 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:41,795 - Apparently it was never dirty. - Wasn't it? 579 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,239 No. 580 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:49,117 No, sadly a rogue anaesthetist persuaded me that we were sworn enemies in a previous life. 581 00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:51,993 I now believe that to be a fabrication. 582 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:56,671 Oh, it is. It is. Yeah, yeah, a complete fabrication. 583 00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,553 Good. That's good. 584 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,238 Cool. 585 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,036 (sobs ) 586 00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:29,071 Ow! Bloody ow! 587 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,192 Ow! You've got the weirdest foreplay of any woman I know. 588 00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:35,278 I have got a bone to pick with you, Dr Secretan,... 589 00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:39,154 - I don't do surgery. I just knock 'em out. - ..about you lying to Mac. 590 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:43,592 Me? Lie? Oh, it's his funny brain, isn't it? He's probably forgotten what I said. 591 00:38:43,720 --> 00:38:47,429 - He remembers what you said, Guy. - Maybe you've forgotten what he said. 592 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,030 - No, no. I have an excellent memory. - They're both quite good. 593 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,196 - What? - Oh, I thought you said mammary. 594 00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:56,073 - Excellent memory. - Gotcha. You're like an elephant. 595 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,997 You're really winning me round now. 596 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,350 Not in a bad way. You're not big, fat and grey. 597 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,870 Don't say she's not big, fat and grey. She'll lower her standards. 598 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,117 It's Marvo the Memory Man. We were just talking about elephants. 599 00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:10,630 Have you seen the size of his ears? That's why he has long, girlie hair. 600 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:15,038 You're the one with the big nose that you keep sticking into other people's business. 601 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:18,550 With your donkey face, long trunk and hairy-caterpillar eyebrow. 602 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:23,435 All right, all right! Do I go round saying you look like a Harrier jump jet? 603 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:26,472 - I don't know. Do you? - I don't know. Do I? 604 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,033 Memory like a sieve. 605 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:30,151 - It's the drink. - I can handle my drink. 606 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:34,717 Oh, yes. This from a man who thought Martin was a priest. 607 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:39,917 Excuse me? 608 00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,190 You mistook Martin for a priest. 609 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:44,993 Excuse me? 610 00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:49,033 OK. You staggered up to me, you went, ' Oh, I've just met a really nice priest' , 611 00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:52,118 you pointed at Martin, you fell over. 612 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:55,836 Excuse me. 613 00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,476 ( door shuts ) 614 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:18,989 Aha. Dr Angela Hunter. 615 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:22,396 Hunter by name, Angela by nature. 616 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,398 - I have a hypothetical question. - I have a hole punch. 617 00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,431 So let's not get bigheaded. 618 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,996 What would happen if a paediatric registrar were to resign? 619 00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:35,193 Well, he, she, or indeed it, would have to serve a minimum eight weeks' notice, 620 00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:37,595 unless otherwise stated in their contract. 621 00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:41,395 - Any way of bringing that time down a bit? - To how long? 622 00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:43,272 Just over three hours. 623 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,914 Do I look like a mug? Have I got a handle? 624 00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:49,749 Am I made of china? Am I kept in a cupboard or on a small wooden tree, hm? 625 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,950 Would you like to put your lips on my rim? 626 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:54,958 You may answer that question. The others were rhetorical. 627 00:40:55,080 --> 00:41:00,074 This is a chance of a lifetime. If it doesn't happen now, it may never happen! 628 00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,510 - Are we still on the rim thing? - No! My career change. 629 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:08,269 So are you going to be able to help me, or should I go straight to Joanna? 630 00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:13,428 Well, I think you'll find Joanna is currently my bitch. I am top dog, so to speak. 631 00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:18,918 But as it happens, I may, may, may be able to facilitate an early release. 632 00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:20,234 - Really? - Yes. 633 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,875 But I would, however, have to ask you to inform Dr Macartney 634 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:28,437 of Dr Todd's tragic hereditary disease. 635 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:34,510 You know me. There are certain times when I have absolutely no scruples whatsoever. 636 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:55,038 I can't believe you're just letting her... 637 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,396 It's just... 638 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:01,670 Look, can't you... 639 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,829 How did you get in? 640 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,235 Angela can't go, just like that. 641 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,670 Alas, she has gone to a better place. 642 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,633 It's telly. She hasn't died. 643 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:17,716 Not died. 644 00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:28,634 I know you're busy. We're all busy, and arguably I am busier than any. 645 00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,832 In fact, I would go so far as to say that, comparatively, 646 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,430 on the scale of busy-ness importance, 647 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,996 consultant: hm, director: er. 648 00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,510 Nevertheless, despite my busy-ness, I have managed to pen for you 649 00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:46,030 a rather amusing medical ditty as follows... 650 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,709 - A is for appendectomy, B is for barium - No. 651 00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,193 I knew you would say... 652 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:54,039 Right. Bird songs of Northern Europe. 653 00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:56,720 The corncrake... (twitters ) 654 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:02,556 Go away. 655 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,158 (sighs ) 656 00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,158 - Yep, it's a terrible thing. - Hm, yeah. Oh, yeah. 657 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:14,748 If I find out who told Sue White about that tape... 658 00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:19,317 Yeah, I know. It's a mystery. We should sleep on it. I just think... 659 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:24,430 Two people knew about it. Me. The priest. 660 00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:27,757 I'm the victim, so that rules me out. 661 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,440 Ah, yes, but does it? 662 00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:32,516 Yes, it does. 663 00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:35,279 No, because on Miss Marple you wouldn't be ruled out. 664 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:39,075 - It's always the one you least suspect. - Forget Miss Marple. 665 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:44,149 - No, because she's a very talented detective. - She looks like a scrotum in a hat! 666 00:43:47,240 --> 00:43:51,756 There are many strings to my bow. The final string I offer you is this: shadow puppetry. 667 00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:56,351 Wolf! See? Very eff... with the light and everything. Well, all right. What's this? 668 00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:59,313 - It's your hand. - Bloody ignorant Irish ponce! 669 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:00,714 Fuck off! 670 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:05,277 - I think he's gone. - Would... would that you had were. 671 00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:13,472 No. I think we need to concentrate on finding the identity of the priest. 672 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:17,309 Oh, no. Forget the priest. The priest is going to be gone, out of the country. 673 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:20,034 Not necessarily. I'd remember that face anywhere. 674 00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:21,878 - Really? - Yeah. 675 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,514 What was his name, now? 676 00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:27,915 Father... 677 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:32,636 Martin... O'Dear. 678 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,352 - Oh, dear. - Oh, dear. 679 00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:37,358 What? So you think I'm the priest? You think I'd betray you? 680 00:44:39,240 --> 00:44:43,677 I'm sorry it's come to this, Martin. We're friends and we're family. 681 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,439 - I wish things could've been different. - They could. 682 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,471 No, they can't. 683 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,431 This hurts me. 684 00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:53,518 - It's gonna hurts me too, isn't it? - Yeah. 685 00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:09,435 Fly! 686 00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:19,951 You little Scotch midge. Go on, swivel. 687 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:22,836 (phone rings ) 688 00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,754 Hello? Is my passport ready? 689 00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:42,033 - Do you want to sign Angela's leaving card? - Do I have to? 690 00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:45,118 You're the only one who hasn't, so she'll probably notice. 691 00:45:45,240 --> 00:45:48,630 - I haven't got time. - It's only going to take a minute. 692 00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,320 No, it'll take at least half an hour. It always does. 693 00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:53,829 Yeah? Why? 694 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:57,748 Because I have to write the wittiest thing on the whole card, OK? 695 00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:01,190 I see. Too late. I've already done that. 696 00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:06,153 - Here. - Oh, you have. 697 00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,794 Oh, that's not fair. You can't get wittier than that. 698 00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,593 - I know. - Well, can I put that too? 699 00:46:11,720 --> 00:46:14,518 I'm not sure it works if you put the same thing twice. 700 00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:17,359 Damn you. I could Tipp-Ex out ' Mac' and put ' Caroline' . 701 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:19,914 - I'd have to think of something else. - Don't care. 702 00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,315 OK, how about putting an arrow that says: 703 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:26,319 ' I told Mac to say this because he couldn't think of anything better.' 704 00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:29,750 - I love you. - I love you too. 705 00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:36,950 Uh, no. I mean, you know, I-I love you for helping me with that really good suggestion. 706 00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:40,390 - I know what you meant, yeah. - Good, good. 707 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:57,919 (Martin ) Hiya, Mac. 708 00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:02,192 OK. That is the worst ' going to the toilet' I've ever seen. 709 00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,754 Yeah, Guy said that he was going to phone the gays. 710 00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:08,031 - Which gays? - Well, all of them. 711 00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:12,950 The thing about the gays is they're probably more scared of you than you are of them. 712 00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:14,069 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 713 00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,839 Cheers. Yeah, that does make me feel slightly better. 714 00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:19,076 - Shall I cut you down? - Yeah, if you could. 715 00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,839 Then I can get that tape back off Sue White. 716 00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,679 - What tape? - The, you know, the tape that... 717 00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,758 Oh, shit! I've done it again. 718 00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:38,712 You have got a rubbish vagina. 719 00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:42,594 And your cock is as thin and pointy as a pencil. 720 00:47:44,240 --> 00:47:46,470 (Statham ) Ow! 721 00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:49,990 Bye-bye, doggy dick! 722 00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,270 (Statham ) Ow! 723 00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:59,074 Oh, Dr Macartney, now, this is a late visit. 724 00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:01,077 Yeah, yeah. It's about a tape. 725 00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:03,395 A haaandbaaag? 726 00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:05,590 No, no, a tape. 727 00:48:05,720 --> 00:48:07,870 I know. I've just always wanted to say that. 728 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:11,993 Sue White, I need the tape of Guy and Joanna. 729 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:17,752 No. Oh, Dr Macartney, there are so many things I would give you, though. 730 00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,917 - Yeah. Shall we just start with the tape? - But why, oh, why? 731 00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:24,396 I'm going to give it back to them and they're going to destroy it. 732 00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,750 - But... - You can do this Sue. You can do this. 733 00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:31,396 Just show me, show me, show me that you have a heart. 734 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,034 - Oh, I admire your power. - Yeah. 735 00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:39,671 Ah, now. 736 00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:41,552 Aha! 737 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:47,596 My opinion regarding your nether regions still obtains. 738 00:48:48,720 --> 00:48:51,996 You-you have magical powers. You do. You are a... 739 00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:53,997 Yes? Yes? 740 00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:59,513 A queen, crazy... crazy with power, but you have a heart. 741 00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:02,551 Set them free. 742 00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:04,552 Set them free. 743 00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:06,875 It's in my pants. 744 00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:12,073 I want what's in your pants. 745 00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:22,592 Ah! 746 00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:26,592 No. 747 00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:35,515 Excuse me. Who is that? 748 00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,029 Just someone. I'm going to let him buy me a drink. 749 00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,072 - You can't. - I can. You dumped me. I can do what I like. 750 00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:43,953 But I didn't realise other people would be interested. 751 00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,878 It came as a bit of a shock to me, actually. 752 00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:48,877 Well, you're undumped. 753 00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,718 Oh, that's romantic. 754 00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:55,152 - Aren't you going to say something to him? - Yes. 755 00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,430 Um, excuse me. 756 00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:16,556 Set meal C for two, for one, please. 757 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,592 - For one? - Yes, for one. Just me, alone, nobody else. 758 00:50:19,720 --> 00:50:23,793 Obviously if she were here, she'd probably have pork balls, but, no, not any more. 759 00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:29,074 She'd probably rather be having dirty sex with her own son again. 760 00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:32,593 Bye. 761 00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:37,999 - So, Caroline, this is it, our fond farewell. - Yep, well, I'm happy for you. 762 00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:41,715 Are you? How mature of you. I thought you'd be seething with jealousy. 763 00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:47,710 But, no, thanks. We must finally be true friends. You must really like me. 764 00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:51,116 No, you're right. I hate your success, I hate your wiggle and I hate your flicky hair. 765 00:50:51,240 --> 00:50:53,515 - Now you're just saying that. - No, I mean it. 766 00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:55,915 I know. 767 00:50:57,040 --> 00:50:59,600 You're the perfect girlfriend. 768 00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:02,716 Easy, easy. 769 00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,633 - See you. - See you. Take it easy. 770 00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:22,394 Oh, God. It already feels a bit weird now she's gone. I feel very emotional. 771 00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,875 I feel a bit... a bit sad. 772 00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:28,997 - I just want a hug. - No. 773 00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:31,031 Give us a hug? 774 00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,151 - Give us a hug? Please. Hug? - No. 775 00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:35,032 No? 776 00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:39,276 (groans and sighs ) 777 00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:41,753 Tired. Very tired. 778 00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:46,590 I've been, uh... I've been in front of the camera all day. 779 00:51:46,720 --> 00:51:49,792 - Right. - Yes, I've been filming. Probably, yes. 780 00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:51,797 We wrapped. 781 00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:55,117 I have to say, the director - bit of a tit. 782 00:51:55,240 --> 00:51:59,279 A bit of an oafish, Irish-bog person. 783 00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,710 I had a song prepared and he wasn't prepared... he wasn't prepared, 784 00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:07,960 because he was, ' Oh, no. Oh, no, we haven't got time for the song.' 785 00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:11,072 I beg your pardon? What is the song, you ask? 786 00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:13,236 I think your food's almost ready. 787 00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,828 A is for appendectomy 788 00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:17,837 B is for barium 789 00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:21,270 C is for cystitis, defibrillate is for D 790 00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:25,188 That's how it goes. E is for echocardiography. It's quite complex, isn't it? 791 00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:29,154 F is for fucking director. G is for gobshites. 792 00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:32,431 He... he-he is a bastard is H. 793 00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:33,788 I is bloody pissed off! 794 00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,276 J is for jiggly jugs and K is for kicking arse. 795 00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:41,393 And lady lips is L. And M is mmm... 796 00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,432 N is nnn... And O... Ohh! 797 00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:47,313 Penis is for P. Q is for queer. 798 00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:50,512 No! I'm not queer. Not me, no. R is for rectum. 799 00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:53,950 S is for shits and slits and... and tiny tits is T. 800 00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:57,436 And U is a bastard. And V is for vagina. 801 00:52:57,560 --> 00:53:02,156 And V, W, X... W is for wanky wank and Y-fronts is for Y. 802 00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:05,192 And x-ray is for... and Z... No, don't... don't push. 803 00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:07,629 No, A is an arsehole, B is a bastard. 804 00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:10,957 And C is for... Oh, cock off! 805 00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:41,956 Go away. Shoo! 806 00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:44,230 Stop. Just hold... 807 00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:58,913 That should not have been erotic. 808 00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:35,116 Ach, well. 809 00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:44,395 Two more minutes. 810 00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:59,558 A haaandbaaag? 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net