1 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,160 It's not his, Holly's kid. She lied, dyed his hair. 2 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,271 She's history. 3 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,793 - You forgotten what he put you through? - Forgotten - no, forgiven - perhaps. 4 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,398 I think I'm having a breakdown. 5 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,511 So am I. 6 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:27,668 Did you ever think that maybe we just weren't supposed to get together? 7 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,155 Hah! I'm here! 8 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:35,993 (screams ) 9 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,793 Oh, God! 10 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,237 ( ''Tired of Waiting'' by The Kinks ) 11 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,271 So tired 12 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,311 Tired of waiting 13 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:53,389 Tired of waiting for you 14 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,956 - Morning, Mac. - I was a lonely soul 15 00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:00,550 I had nobody till I met you 16 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:05,036 But you keep me waiting 17 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:06,957 All of the time 18 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,036 What can I do? 19 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,071 - It's your life - Coming. 20 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,715 And you can do what you want 21 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,434 Do what you like 22 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,916 But please don't keep me waiting 23 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,558 Please don't keep me waiting 24 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,478 Cos I'm so tired 25 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,477 Tired of waiting 26 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,434 Tired of waiting for you 27 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,278 (gargles ) 28 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,311 So tired 29 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,271 Tired of waiting 30 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:48,110 Tired of waiting for you 31 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,195 For you 32 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,717 Nearly there. 33 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,796 Nearly. 34 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,989 - It's all yours. - About bloody time. 35 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,475 - Do you wanna... - What? 36 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,551 - Put some makeup on? - Oh, thanks. 37 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,989 No, no, no. I mean, you look great, but... 38 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,348 - No! - What? 39 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,630 - Oh, you've spoiled it! - Spoiled what? 40 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,752 - The mirror. I'd written in it. - Really? What did you write? 41 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:21,716 Well, you know, it doesn't matter now, but if you must know, it was ' I love you' . 42 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,996 - You bloody narcissist. Now, get out. - Well... 43 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,839 - No, go on. - Are you gonna see Ginger Nuts today? 44 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,111 - We work with Ginger Nuts. - Can't we go to a different hospital? 45 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,800 - What? - You and me do our stuff somewhere else. 46 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:37,195 No. Go away. 47 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,756 - Oh, let me brush your teeth. - No. Get out. 48 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,636 I'll do the top and you do the bottom. 49 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,836 Sue White. 50 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:51,915 Yeah. 51 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,555 Don't mind me. Just feeling a little Morrissey today. 52 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:59,832 Ah, like an attention-seeking dilettante wallowing in teenage angst 53 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:03,396 whilst displaying a spurious nostalgia for the working classes. 54 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,751 - Aye, that's the fellow. - Yep. For you. 55 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,676 A restraining order? 56 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:20,150 - But why, Mac, why? - Because life is too short. 57 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:24,319 Read it, learn it by heart, never bother me again. 58 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,359 - Can I do it if I don't actually touch...? - No, no, no. 59 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:33,951 What about if I spoke in Portuguese? (speaks Portuguese) 60 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:35,755 No. 61 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,031 Not in any language ever. 62 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,673 I could sniff your intoxicating trouser fragrance. (sniffs ) 63 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,315 Look, don't you think you sound like an ink-jet printer? 64 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,795 Go away or go to jail. 65 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:59,358 But what about the wee bairn? 66 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,470 Harriet, what the fuck? 67 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,832 Ian found out about Lyndon and threw me out. Told me to take what I needed and leave. 68 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,428 And I couldn't find a suitcase. 69 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,710 It's very hot in here. 70 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,511 What happened to you? 71 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,596 I got really drunk last night. 72 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,633 The hen party padlocked this to my testicles. 73 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:33,432 (howls ) 74 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,279 Sorry. It didn't hurt you, did it? 75 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,356 - Morning, guys. - Hiya. 76 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,276 (knocking) 77 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,236 Who's there? 78 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,396 Hm? 79 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,554 Is that you? 80 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:10,630 You, back from the grave to wreak your dwarfish vengeance upon me? 81 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,513 Well, I won't have it! You... I won't! 82 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,596 So... 83 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,875 You're not real. You get out! You're not real. 84 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,958 You're just a midgety figment of my imagination. Be gone! 85 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,559 Oh, bloody... 86 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,636 Hello, Alan. 87 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,788 - I can't go into my office. - You're in my cupboard. 88 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,480 - I can't face people. - You're in my cupboard. 89 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,592 - Oh, Jesus, Alan, we're going to prison. - No, we're not. 90 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,995 - D'you what'll happen to me in prison? - What? 91 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,429 I'll be lady-bummed. 92 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,869 I'll end up some bitch's bitch. 93 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,468 I won't let them. You're my bitch. 94 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,034 Criminals always get caught. Don't you watch TV? 95 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,594 - We're not going to prison! - They'll look for us. 96 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,632 Why? Where's the motive? Why would we murder a dwarf? 97 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,990 - Why would you kill a dwarf? - You shut up! 98 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,476 You shut up with your...! I've had it up to here with dwarves! 99 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,239 - No more dwarf! - Yes, that's right, thanks to you. 100 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,316 You... 101 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,116 Alan? (knocks ) 102 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,955 - What? - I'm hungry. 103 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,750 And I need a pee. 104 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,795 I'll... I'll look after you. 105 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,676 I love you. 106 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,793 - (groans ) - Mm-hm. 107 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:39,909 (groans ) 108 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,679 - I love her. I love her. - Do you? 109 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,756 - Yeah. - (laughs ) 110 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,193 - Oh, how sweet. - What? 111 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,073 - No, it is. That's sweet. It's cute. - It's not cute. 112 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,634 - Oh, it is, it is. - It's... it's... 113 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:58,198 - Well, then, just let her go. Let her go. - I don't... I wanna keep her. 114 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,311 Suit yourself, then. Taxidermist. 115 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,035 You'll need to kill her, have her stuffed before she'll stay with you. 116 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,879 You know nothing about love. You don't know a thing. 117 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,797 - Well, go on, why don't you tell me about it? - Why don't I? 118 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,148 - Do you know about it? - Yeah. 119 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,033 - Go on, then. Let's hear it. - Right. 120 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,758 Love... 121 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,916 is... 122 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,998 waking up in the middle of the night... 123 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,350 - That's about as far as I've got. - Is it? 124 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,994 - Yeah. - Right. It's not great, is it? 125 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,076 Well... 126 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,556 (groans ) 127 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,359 Have a chocolate cock. They're quite cheering. 128 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,710 No, not both of them. 129 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,273 They are actually quite cheering. 130 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,469 - (Joanna ) Vodka? - No, my darling, I think not. 131 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,353 - No vodka for you. Maybe a coffee or... - (knock at door) 132 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,029 Hi. We were just wondering whether you'd cancelled today's session. 133 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:26,950 - We thought maybe it would be in here. - Right. Yes. Cancelled. Hm. 134 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,435 Is that smoke? 135 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:33,712 Yes. It's... it's a smoking... It's my... my smoking cupboard. 136 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,308 - Oh, right, yeah. There might be a fire. - No. No. 137 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,558 - They say, ' No smoke without fire.' - That is precisely what a fool might think. 138 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:43,797 A fool who also thinks that I might keep a person in storage 139 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:48,675 and, not only that, but give them a cigarette to smoke within. 140 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,756 - (Joanna whispers ) Alan? - Shut up. 141 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,996 - What? - Shut up. 142 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,759 Well, not you. Her. No, him. Him. 143 00:08:55,880 --> 00:09:00,715 - Did you say anything? - No, well, shut up, nobody. Just... 144 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,630 Is... 145 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,991 - Is that a glass of wee? - No, no, that's apple juice. 146 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:15,240 - Oh, that's funny, cos it... it smells like wee. - No, it's... it's or-organic. 147 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,112 That's... 148 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,949 - (Boyce) Chin-chin. - Chinny chin-chin and, er, bottoms. 149 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,036 (gibbers ) 150 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,198 - Oh, yes. - Refreshing. 151 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,151 Lovely. It's-it's the, um... 152 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,952 (gibbers ) 153 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,036 Yes. Mm. 154 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,916 ( drill) 155 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,751 Thank you very much, cupboard lady. 156 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:08,829 (retches ) 157 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,678 - I love it when patients give you things. - Apart from venereal disease. 158 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,791 - He's on his last legs. - Who, yo-yo man? 159 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,878 - I'm assuming he had a real name. - But you can't remember it. 160 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:34,437 - Can you? - No, but you're the moral one, so it's worse. 161 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:40,912 - You know yo-yo man died. - Yeah. He had a name, actually. 162 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:45,318 - I can't remember what it was. - Yeah, neither can we. 163 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,477 You know, the last thing he said to me was: 164 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,512 ' Don't die alone like me in a place like this.' 165 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,596 ' Find someone you love.' 166 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:58,953 ' Ask them to marry you, raise children together and live a full and rich, happy life.' 167 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,070 I don't get it. 168 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,316 Walk the dog. 169 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,635 Catch the monkey. 170 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,716 Chase the rabbit. 171 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,630 Open the fridge. 172 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,716 Rearrange the kitchen. 173 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,990 - Wise words. - Yeah. Good old yo-yo man. 174 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,471 Stroke the beaver. 175 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,556 Smell the witch. 176 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,795 Oh, count the ants. 177 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,276 All I'm saying is that you will never be a one-woman man. 178 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,356 - That's rubbish. I am. I am. - Yeah? 179 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:51,549 Yeah. 180 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,877 - What about that new blonde girl in ENT? - Not interested. 181 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,309 - Not interested? - No. No. I've changed. 182 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,396 How about Graham in dermatology? 183 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,637 Changed, as in I think I'm ready for commitment. 184 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,069 I'll sign your commitment papers today. 185 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,873 - Commitment with a woman. - Ah. 186 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,275 I can see myself with about a dozen children. 187 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,709 - That's illegal, isn't it? - Mac! 188 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,308 - What would you do with them? - Teach them Guyball. 189 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,317 - I'd buy them a train set. - A train set? 190 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,115 - I love train sets. - You do. It's supposed to be for the children. 191 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,516 - I was never allowed one. - Nothing wrong with wanting a train set. 192 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:28,792 That's a very good quality in a wife. Woman. Doctor. 193 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,717 If you're looking for a wife/woman/doctor... 194 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,353 Aren't you looking for a wife/woman/doctor? 195 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:36,917 Well, I haven't placed an advert in Wife/Woman/Doctor Weekly this week. 196 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,511 - Which week might you put an ad in, then? - Maybe he will never put an ad in. 197 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:45,110 - Is that true? - Well, it depends. It's difficult, placing an ad. 198 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,471 Sometimes you get your hopes up and then the person 199 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:53,355 who answers the ad can let you down, then suddenly you're back to where you started. 200 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:57,075 I think you need to be very sure before you place the ad. 201 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,078 Suppose you're waiting for the ad from a specific person? 202 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:05,797 Do you wait for that ad or do you go with another ad, one that's maybe got a typo in it? 203 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,832 I think you have to know exactly what you want. 204 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,315 - I see. - What do you mean by typo, exactly? 205 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,795 Yeah, I'm not sure. 206 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,071 - Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. - (Joanna moans ) 207 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,760 Yes, oh, oh, oh, oh! Ah, ho, ho, ho, ho! 208 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,110 - (grunts ) - (Joanna moans ) 209 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,673 Dr Statham? 210 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,473 Oh. Erm... 211 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,591 You may be thinking, erm... 212 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,633 There's no need to stare. It's not dirty. It's not a cupboard. It's a woman. 213 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,150 But she won't come out, hence the need for... for this. 214 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,589 (grunts ) 215 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,676 - Wait. No. - (Joanna moans ) 216 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,236 No, sorry. M-magic has gone. 217 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,759 And I think I may have a splinter. 218 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,956 ( hums ) 219 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,911 Two, four, six, eight! We've got a message from your mate! 220 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,190 Give us an M! 221 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,150 Excuse me. 222 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,430 Give us an M! 223 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:28,709 Er, M. 224 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,071 - Give us an A! - A. 225 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,395 - Give us a... - Is it a C? 226 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,829 It's an R. 227 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,029 Oh, R. 228 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,311 Give us a T-I-N! 229 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,236 - Martin. - Yeah! 230 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,631 Marry him! Marry him! Marry him! Marry him! 231 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,716 Marry me. 232 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,477 Sorry, Martin. 233 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,750 - She said no. - What? 234 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:05,796 She said no! She said no! She said no! She said no! She said no! She said no! 235 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,154 Yeah! 236 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,837 What's that? More apple juice? 237 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,076 No, Mr Boyce, it's coffee. 238 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,114 (laughs ) 239 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,674 - No, it is coffee. Look. - No, not that, this. 240 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,997 No, it's about a gentleman of restricted growth. 241 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,908 Y-you mean the-the thing, the pixie, the dwarf, is it? 242 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,429 - If you like, yeah. - Oh. W-well, why is it funny? 243 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:37,678 He owned a small business and here they've referred to him as a small businessman. 244 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,837 - Do you get it? Fantastic journalism. - And what does it say? 245 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:45,954 It says, ' The disappearance of Alistair Taylor took an interesting twist today 246 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:51,438 when it was discovered that the small businessman had debts of over GBP2.3 million.' 247 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,312 Ooh! Ah. 248 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:57,672 Yeah. His... ' His disappearance is now being treated by police as suicide.' 249 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,473 Oh, y...! (laughs ) 250 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,559 That's very... You made me spill my coffee. So funny. That's... hah! 251 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,717 - You all right? - Oh, yes. You have it. You have the coffee. 252 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,593 Oh! Ha-ha! 253 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,516 You can come out. Come on! Out, out, out! 254 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,710 - We're in the clear. Yes! - No. 255 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,230 Come on, yes. I mean, it's in the paper. Everything... They think... 256 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,399 they... they... they think... they... they think... they think it's a suicide. 257 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:41,638 It's... it's in the... Th-th-the dwarf was a bankrupt. 258 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,320 - I'm not coming out. - No, come on. You must come out. 259 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,113 - I'm not coming out. Get off me. - Come out, out, out. 260 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,434 - I'm not... - Come out! 261 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,393 - Me! - Get out, you! Come out. I'll pull you out. 262 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,988 Right, come on. Out, come on. Right. 263 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:59,035 Now, come on. Pull yourself together. Pull yourself together. Now, listen. Listen. 264 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,276 Everything's fine. We've done it. 265 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,960 - We are beyond the law. - No. 266 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,116 Yes, yes! Come on! 267 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,310 Come on! 268 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,998 Hm? Hm? Hm? 269 00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,111 Come on, w-we... This is our time. 270 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,390 Yes. Come on. Yes. 271 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,556 Yes. 272 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,079 Come on. Come on. 273 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,633 Oh. 274 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,512 We got away with it. 275 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,915 Yes, my sweet. 276 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,395 We didn't just cross the line. 277 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,670 Maybe there is no line. 278 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,552 - No rules. - No. 279 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,035 We could do anything. 280 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,116 Anything. 281 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,595 Oh. 282 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,910 Oh. 283 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,359 No, not the pens. 284 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,715 - Hi. - Hi. 285 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,513 I... I wanted to talk to you about earlier. 286 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,312 Who? 287 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:58,390 You know, as in earlier on today when you wrote ' I love you' on-on the mirror. 288 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,632 You know, when you wrote ' I love you' on the mirror. 289 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:10,636 Well, someone who looked and sounded just like you did. 290 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,194 It was meant for me, wasn't it? 291 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,918 Right. 292 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,679 It's a shame, because I realise that I... 293 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,713 I didn't take the person who did it seriously at the time. I wanted to thank them. 294 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,796 - Thank them? - Yeah. 295 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,189 I, er... I, um... 296 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,311 I-I liked it. 297 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:35,592 I liked that they wrote that. I-I like... them. 298 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,631 - But, you know, as it wasn't you... - Marry me. 299 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,557 What? 300 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,035 - Marry me. - Is this some sort of bet? 301 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,597 No, no, no, no. This is me, here and now, asking you to marry me. 302 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,676 Marry me. 303 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,913 - Oh, my God. - Yeah, I get that a lot. 304 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,110 - I'm sure you do. - Please don't say no. 305 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,913 Say maybe. Say you'll think about it, but don't say no. 306 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,837 OK. 307 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,599 - OK, you'll think about it? - OK, I'll think about it. 308 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,676 - Really? - Really. 309 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,678 Kiss me again while I think about it. 310 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,794 Oh, yes. (laughs ) 311 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,310 - This is what you've always wanted to do? - Yes, yes. 312 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,113 We can do anything. Let's do something exciting. 313 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,676 - Come on, make the call. Go on. - All right. 314 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:04,795 Hello. Can you tell Mr Boyce he's wanted in Dr Statham's office right away, please? 315 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,276 - Yeah, thank you. He's on his way. - Oh, good, good. 316 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,278 It'll be very funny. This will be very funny. Oh! 317 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,678 No, turn it, turn it, turn it so the slit's forward so I can see when to jump out. 318 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,756 (laughs ) 319 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,676 ( door closes ) 320 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:28,873 - You are really good at that. - I practise a lot. 321 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,753 Of course, if you say yes, 322 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,030 I'll just practise on you. 323 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,835 - Too much? - A bit. 324 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,916 Yeah. Sorry. 325 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,954 He'll never do that. 326 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,150 He-he never sees anything through. 327 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,430 You'll be waiting forever. 328 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,994 And-and he kisses like a newt. 329 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,714 I'm told. 330 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,038 (knock at door) 331 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,799 Dr Statham, you wanted to see me? 332 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,676 (Statham ) Um... 333 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,153 yes. 334 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:26,398 Is it about the reports I did last? I mean, I can do them a lot better. 335 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,875 No, they're fine. Very good. 336 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,918 - Right. Can I... can I go? - Um, yes. 337 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,996 OK. See you. 338 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,876 - Are you gonna do any work today? - Not till I know it's safe. 339 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,514 - What's the problem? - I thought I saw a Clanger. 340 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,676 Jesus! 341 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,552 - A what? - A Clanger. 342 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,238 Oh. 343 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,033 I thought you said ' shark' . 344 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,116 (makes Clanger noises ) 345 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,876 Stop it! 346 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,718 - Come in. - I am in. Are you blind as well as Scottish? 347 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,434 - What do you want? - You're fired. 348 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,313 Go on. Pack your bags and piss off. 349 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,596 Have you got official confirmation of this in writing, perhaps? 350 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,075 - Yeah. - Can I see it? 351 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:39,309 - ' I love you.' - ' Bye-bye, bitch.' 352 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,159 Any particular reason at all? 353 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,511 - Yeah, you're fat. - Yeah. Fair enough. 354 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,990 Hello. How are you? 355 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,957 What, no quips? No witty asides? 356 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:01,915 No hilarious gags? Are you feeling all right? Is there something wrong? 357 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,996 No. 358 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,958 Oh, God, no. You bloody, bloody man! 359 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,435 You had to go and show off, didn't you? 360 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,791 Mac, I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me. It just happened. 361 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,276 My brain got all fuzzy. It never meant anything. It was just a kiss. 362 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,709 Quite a long kiss, and there were two of them, 363 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:24,994 but I have to assure you that I feel absolutely nothing for Guy. 364 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,790 He didn't tell me. 365 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,516 - Oh. - Hm. 366 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,514 Are you all right with the fact that we kissed? 367 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,950 - We never kissed. - No, me and Caroline. 368 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,469 Fine, yeah. 369 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,830 Are you all right with what she said? 370 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,713 Yeah, fine. It was all a bit vague, really. 371 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,071 ' I feel absolutely nothing for Guy.' That was vague, was it? 372 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:13,035 Oh, that bit. Well, yeah, I mean, she was just trying to... spare your feelings. 373 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,674 We all work together. She had to be diplomatic. 374 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,349 Right. So if I just went for it one day, say, I said, you know... 375 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,552 asked her to marry me, she would turn me down flat, would she? 376 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,036 - Well, I know you. You wouldn't do that. - Right. Wouldn't I? 377 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,276 No. 378 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,356 Dr Todd, hello. 379 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:36,390 So, erm... I was wondering if I could ask you something. 380 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:40,195 - No, you can't! - Well, what do you mean? 381 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,710 What? What? What, I mean, what do I mean? 382 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,910 No, no, sorry. Sorry. Carry on. Fine. 383 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,157 - Do you think that...? - No, wait! 384 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,350 Just... All right, just go on. 385 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,630 Be careful. Be careful. 386 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,515 (shouts ) 387 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,716 (shouts ) 388 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,596 (loud choking sounds ) 389 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:16,150 Would you consider an aortal incision to be worth the risk in this case? 390 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,677 I don't think I would, no. 391 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,997 She said no! Boo ya! 392 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:29,275 Although I appreciate Dr Macartney taking a moment to respect my professional opinion. 393 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,516 No, no, no, no, no. 394 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,110 Oh, dear. (strains ) 395 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,352 - You're a bit late. - Yes, I thought it's best 396 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:50,952 not to bother with your silly little meeting, as you're all a bunch of bloody oiks. 397 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:55,232 I come to inform you that the sandwiches you're eating have been tampered with. 398 00:25:55,360 --> 00:26:00,798 They contain traces of my very own poo. 399 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,071 So, what do you think of that, hm? Hm? 400 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,556 You're eating poowiches. You're playing Russian poolette. 401 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:09,272 So. Mm-hm. 402 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,753 Yes. 403 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,075 Ah. 404 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:17,910 These have been delivered by Turnbulls. They arrived five minutes ago. They're very good. 405 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,951 Care to try one? 406 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,674 (stammers ) Yes, they have. 407 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,839 Yes, exactly. And the ones with the clingfilm on that I put there? 408 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,190 Ah, I think those went to the patients. 409 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:34,394 The patients, yes. And-and hopefully they'll all die of poo. 410 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,476 You bloody fucksies. 411 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:39,959 Joanna. 412 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,832 Charles. 413 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,478 Right. Er... 46B, 414 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,556 complaints procedure. 415 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,676 (phones buzz) 416 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,317 - Kiss me. - What? 417 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,477 Kiss me. I need someone to kiss me now. 418 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,790 I went too far, didn't I? 419 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,436 (gasps ) Ow! 420 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:40,676 (whimpers ) 421 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,594 Oh, it doesn't matter, doesn't matter. 422 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,676 - Hi. - Hi. 423 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,713 - I wanted to... to ask you something. - Did you? 424 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:18,675 Yeah. Well, you know, hence me standing here saying I wanna ask you something. 425 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,951 - Yeah. What do you want? - Erm... 426 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,159 you. 427 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:29,432 Well, you've come to the right place, cos here I am. 428 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,593 Yeah. No, I, erm... 429 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,280 - I-I want you. - Oh. 430 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:40,869 Oh. 431 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,678 Oh. 432 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,438 Yeah. Erm... 433 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:45,754 OK. 434 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:50,874 Not really sure how... how this is gonna come out, so, um, it's a bit tricky, 435 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,956 but, um... 436 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,310 - Caroline... - Wait. Wait. 437 00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,432 - Are you... are you about to propose? - Um... 438 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,199 Only-only it'll be my third today. 439 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,356 Oh, great. Right. Quite a day. 440 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,391 - Yeah. - Yeah. 441 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:08,873 Yeah. 442 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:13,073 So, what did you say to these... these proposals? 443 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,351 A yes, no and a maybe. 444 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,031 Right. 445 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,630 So, what would I be? A yes, no or maybe? 446 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,638 Oh, you're the yes. 447 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:34,115 Of course, you realise that I didn't actually propose to you just now? 448 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:38,836 No... no, no, but then, you know, you were pacing about and looking nervous, so I... 449 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:44,717 Yeah, yeah, that's... No, that's cos I was building up to getting round to asking you 450 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,673 whether or not you would swap shifts with me tonight. 451 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,236 Short notice, I know, so you don't have to. 452 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:57,515 Really not a problem. I can ask someone else. So it's cool. 453 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:02,279 - You all right? - Yeah. 454 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,072 Good. Good. 455 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,031 No, I just thought... 456 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:10,119 - What? What did you think? - I... I thought you were going... 457 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,038 No, I was just... Well, I don't know what I was. 458 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,517 And anyway, who actually wants to get married these days? I mean, it's just so... 459 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:19,790 Absolutely. Absolutely. 460 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,993 - You could always move in with me. - What? 461 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:36,558 Well, that's what I was gonna ask you before I made up the bit about swapping shifts. 462 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,830 Why would you do that? 463 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,795 Cos, um... 464 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:49,119 I wanted to make really sure that I could live in the same house 465 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,198 as both your eyebrows. 466 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:59,071 - You can be very cruel sometimes. - Yes. 467 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,120 I don't think I'd quite finished. 468 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:46,476 Go! Go! 469 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,751 - Go! Run! Just go. - Just get off the... 470 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,391 Come on. Let's... 471 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,353 - Come on. Pull yourself together. - There's a police car! 472 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,552 - I know. I know. - They've... Oh, my God, they've come for me. 473 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,636 Quick, run! 474 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,075 Well, where are you? No, where are you? 475 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,111 Where are you? 476 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:21,598 I love Fridays, cos the afternoon doesn't really count, does it? 477 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:26,436 Well, then, I should be able to see you. 478 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,154 Where? 479 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,236 No, I can't see you. 480 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,468 No. I can't see you. 481 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:40,993 I can't see you. Look, just give me a call when you're back in the building. Yeah, OK. 482 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,429 Yeah, all right. Bye. 483 00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:58,238 Shh! 484 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:07,876 (phone rings ) 485 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,353 (foreign accent) Hello? No, Dr Statham, no, he... 486 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,199 (normal accent) H-hello. Is it you? Yes. 487 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,880 Yes. Yes, I'm ready. Hm? What? 488 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:29,636 W-w-where are they? 489 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,512 Oh, my fuck. Oh, my fuck. 490 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:35,030 - Well, what shall I do? Hm? - ( distant sirens ) 491 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:41,110 They're here. They're here. Just.... Don't... You wait. Wait. You stay. Wait. Wait for me. 492 00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,272 OK. 493 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:46,197 Ah. Hi, there. Hi. 494 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,153 Hi, I'm Dr Macartney. How are you feeling? 495 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:55,230 I need to borrow Dr Todd just for a moment, because it's... it's rather urgent. Excuse me. 496 00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,155 - Hi. - What now? 497 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:02,751 - I need to ask your advice. - Advice about what? 498 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:07,715 About whether I should apologise verbally or physically. 499 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,274 Physically? 500 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:15,118 Good. You see? 501 00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:17,595 Unbiased and instinctive. 502 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,232 - Whoa. - (giggles ) 503 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,113 - I accept your apology. - Good. Great. 504 00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:45,119 Um, I'd like you to try and get on with this as fast as you can, 505 00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:49,279 because we're gonna go away somewhere for the weekend. OK? 506 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,391 - But-but what about my shift? - Sorted. 507 00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,876 I've got you cover with Dopey Daniel. OK? 508 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,629 You are gonna be fine. Just lose some weight. 509 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,516 (she pants ) 510 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:25,477 - Martin. Erm... er... good luck. - With what? 511 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:30,515 Well, with everything. Your life, your... I can't stop now. I'm in a rush. 512 00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:34,519 All right. Well, it's good to see you, even though you are on the run, as it were. 513 00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:38,076 Oh, no, no, no. I'm not on the run, I'm on the... 514 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,792 - Game? - No, on the... 515 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,876 - Sauce? - No, no. I'm on the... 516 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:44,150 - Pill? - No! I'm on the... 517 00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,829 - Blob? - No, on the... on the... 518 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:52,351 - Sunny side of the street? - No, no. I'm on the... on the... on the... 519 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,835 - holiday. - Oh, holiday. 520 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,030 Oh, right. Well, have fun. 521 00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:01,278 Yeah, yeah, I will. I'd better... better go. I've got a... got a plane to catch. 522 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:04,995 Mexico, probably, or Puerto Ventura or... 523 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,076 Nowhere in England. 524 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:18,919 (screams ) 525 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,671 - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. - Oh, it's you. 526 00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:34,674 Didn't there used to be a yucca here or something? 527 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,950 No. 528 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,548 Oh. 529 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,873 The weasel is still in its cage. 530 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:47,476 The weasel is still in its cage. 531 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:53,072 The weasel is out of the cage. The weasel is out of the cage. 532 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,509 Fly, pelicans. Go, go, go. 533 00:36:55,640 --> 00:37:00,668 The weasel is returning to the cage, so pelicans to the kitchen. 534 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,155 Pelicans, go to the kitchen. 535 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,710 The... Go to the kitchen. 536 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,434 The kitchen. 537 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,916 It's the bush. The kitchen is the bush. 538 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,115 Just a minute. Where? 539 00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:18,435 - There. - Have you said kitchen? 540 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:21,518 The kitchen is the... Look, we've arranged all of this. 541 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:25,519 I've only heard bush. Well, you keep saying bush. Perhaps... 542 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:31,590 - Look, we-we worked on this, OK? The... - There's the policeman! Act normal. Kiss me. 543 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,396 No, me. 544 00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,829 (Joanna ) No... 545 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:44,518 No. I... 546 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,596 Wait, wait, wait. 547 00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:50,076 - Why don't we just go to a motel? - Oh! 548 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,760 - Good idea. Lie low. - Come on. 549 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,997 - Lie low. - He meant for us to all have sex together. 550 00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:57,599 Good kisser. 551 00:37:57,720 --> 00:38:00,359 Are you saying sex with... with Boyce? 552 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,436 (Sue screams ) 553 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,556 (howls ) 554 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:18,635 There's a train coming! There's a train! A train's coming! 555 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:23,390 Yeah, yeah, of course there is, Martin. This is platform 21. And I've said no. 556 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,397 What? No. This... 557 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:30,389 - Look! There's a train coming, I promise. - (whistle blows ) 558 00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:33,834 - Look. - (Caroline gasps ) 559 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,110 Look. 560 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:41,309 Oh, wow. 561 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,113 - Oh, wow. - Look, a map. 562 00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:49,232 ' Meet me at the station at 6:43. Wear something special.' 563 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:53,399 - Christ, I'd better go! - Martin, I think it's for me. 564 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,954 - Are you sure? - Quite sure. 565 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,548 God. I knew it was too good to be true. 566 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,313 - Hula Hoop. - A Hula Hoop? 567 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,079 Is that good? 568 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:09,079 I think it might turn out to be a very special weekend, Martin. 569 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:13,034 Yeah, a weekend with lots of snacks, probably. 570 00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:17,198 Special, Martin. 571 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,598 A visit to the Hula Hoop factory! Cool! 572 00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:23,835 Yes! 573 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:25,916 Who is it? 574 00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:39,478 From the day we arrive on the planet 575 00:39:41,240 --> 00:39:45,518 And blinking, step into the sun 576 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,196 - Which car? - Doesn't matter. 577 00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,720 There's more to be seen 578 00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,559 Than can ever be seen 579 00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:03,470 More to do than can ever be done 580 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:09,232 - Get out of the car. Come on, out. - Why? 581 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,150 Why should they? I haven't got a gun. 582 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,238 Some say, ' Eat or be eaten' 583 00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:21,077 Some say, ' Live or let live' 584 00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,472 I'm a doc... nurse, and you are... 585 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,637 - I've got to get to the hospital. - We're at the hospital. 586 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,558 - Don't get clever with me, punk. - Oh, brilliant. 587 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:32,910 - Get out of the van. - It's a mobile home. 588 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:36,794 Right, get out of the mobile home, then. And you, missus, with your... 589 00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:38,638 - Come on, get 'em out. - Get out. 590 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,955 But all are agreed 591 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,469 As they join the stampede 592 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,352 - Erm... - Stay there. 593 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:50,038 You should never take more than you give 594 00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:53,799 That's my... 595 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,551 In the circle 596 00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,870 The circle of life 597 00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:06,393 (meows ) 598 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,200 - Come on. - (horn ) 599 00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,276 Come on! 600 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,431 No, I think we've lost them. Do you think we've lost them? 601 00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,836 - Well, they were on foot. - They were upset about losing their van. 602 00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:41,157 They were more upset that you called it a van. You can slow down. 603 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:45,319 No! No. What if they... if they jump into a taxi and say, ' Follow that van' ? 604 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:47,670 - They wouldn't say ' van' . - They can eat dust. 605 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:52,999 I've got this baby between my legs, I've got my foot on the floor, I'll burn some rubbers. 606 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:54,394 Go on! 607 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:56,351 Shut up. 608 00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:08,676 Dr Macartney, what a surprise! Although it isn't, cos I followed you. 609 00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,439 How are the people of Insania without their queen? 610 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,599 I left them Post-it notes with instructions. Would you like to look in my papoose? 611 00:42:15,720 --> 00:42:18,837 As I warned you, that is sexual harassment. Can you excuse me? 612 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:23,954 Yeah, all right. Have a look at it later. There's a gift for you... Daddy. 613 00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,548 (growling) 614 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:28,830 Did you just growl? 615 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,551 Might have done. 616 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:35,796 Could have done. Maybe I did. 617 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:38,436 - OK, decaf, no sugar. - Me. 618 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,391 OK. Erm... 619 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,988 Herbal, that's Harriet's. 620 00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,112 Er, black, no sugar? 621 00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:49,437 And that one's three sugars. That's mine. 622 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,471 So who's this? 623 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,955 Who has tea, milk, no sugar? 624 00:42:57,960 --> 00:42:59,916 Oh, well. 625 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,316 - Fucking cigarettes! - Well, it's better than smoking 'em. 626 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,396 Yes, very good. 627 00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,799 You've been in the business for a while. What is the worst thing about this job? 628 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,674 The worst thing is probably the white coats cos they make me look quite pale. 629 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:25,713 - Seriously. - Seriously, er, bureaucracy. 630 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,673 - No. - No? Er, lack of adequate funding. 631 00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:32,429 No, I'm thinking of something more specific, more patient-orientated. 632 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,835 Got you. Smelly patients. 633 00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:35,949 (sighs ) 634 00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:39,356 Not exactly. Suppose you were conducting some routine tests 635 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:43,393 and you stumbled across something significant, something serious? 636 00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,080 - Mm-hm. - Something like this. 637 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,956 Er, hm. 638 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,992 Nasty. I would say that is game over. 639 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,315 - Yeah? - Yes. 640 00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:58,715 That's definitely game over. 641 00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:00,717 Yes. 642 00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:05,233 Still, you've got to face facts, haven't you? You've got to be honest. 643 00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:10,354 Yes. Well, you've got to actually go and tell the patient that he's gonna die, which is... 644 00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:12,675 I hate that. I hate it. 645 00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:16,917 Quite. So. 646 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,190 Bearing that in mind... 647 00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:27,392 Imagine how I must be feeling right this minute. 648 00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:28,873 Yes. 649 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,560 Yeah, it's very difficult. 650 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,831 I don't actually quite follow what you... 651 00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,713 Whose results are these, anyway? 652 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,396 Fuck. 653 00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:06,516 Fuck. 654 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,956 And fuck. 655 00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:19,557 I forget I have a first name sometimes. People always... Well, they call me Mac. 656 00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,433 I'm so very, very sorry. 657 00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,236 Are you OK? 658 00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:32,236 OK. 659 00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,594 - May I? - Of course. 660 00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:43,233 We've explored all the options. 661 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,355 If you need any support... 662 00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,550 Are you OK? 663 00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:58,636 Yeah. Thank you. 664 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,156 What's in the box? 665 00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:11,035 Oh. 666 00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:13,071 That's nice. 667 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,990 - They'll look for this vehicle. - No. There are thousands like this. 668 00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:22,032 Not being driven by a nurse with a moustache. 669 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,391 - Nobody knows where we are. - Least of all you. 670 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,512 Come on. Let's not succumb to feeble-minded panic. 671 00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:30,915 Are we nearly there yet? 672 00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,037 What the fuck are you doing here? 673 00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,754 - I stowed away. I saw you take the van. - Mobile home. 674 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,677 - Get rid of him! - I was worried. 675 00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:42,395 - You kept quiet about it. - I nodded off. Those beds are really comfy. 676 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,876 - People will think we kidnapped him. - What do you suggest we do? 677 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:49,390 - I don't know. We'll have to kill him. - Oh, typical. 678 00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:52,830 Oh, right. The penalty for murder's much less than for kidnapping. 679 00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:56,555 - Yes, well, we've already killed one pixie. - What? 680 00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:58,557 - Nice work. - He tricked me. 681 00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:00,557 - He didn't. - Yes. He said ' typical' . 682 00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,148 He tricked me. That's a trick word. 683 00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:08,149 - For Christ's sake, get a grip! - Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks. 684 00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:13,035 Rain, spout till you have drenched our steeples and drowned our cocks! 685 00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:15,720 - Give me the wheel. - I'm in charge of the vehicle! 686 00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,956 - Liar. - I'm driving... 687 00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:26,159 Oh, my fucksy, there's a field in the road! Get off me! 688 00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:28,635 (Joanna ) Give me the wheel! 689 00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,278 (Martin ) A sheep! 690 00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,716 ( ''Tired of Waiting'' by The Kinks ) 691 00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:43,637 So tired 692 00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:45,591 Tired of waiting 693 00:47:45,720 --> 00:47:50,669 Tired of waiting for you 694 00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,556 So tired 695 00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:55,477 Tired of waiting 696 00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:59,559 Tired of waiting for you 697 00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:14,196 (screaming) 698 00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:19,918 God. 699 00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:21,996 (groans ) 700 00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:26,157 - This is just weird. - What? 701 00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,236 Déjà vu. 702 00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:32,559 - We're going to have to sit here and wait. - For what? 703 00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:34,830 - Cliff rescue. - Who? Oh. 704 00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:43,476 Caroline! 705 00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:45,556 Mac. 706 00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,838 You? I thought it was Mac. 707 00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,474 No, it's... No, it's definitely me. 708 00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:30,869 I wanted to see what I could have had if I'd been a bit more... ginger. 709 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,275 Sad, isn't it? 710 00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,356 - A bit, yeah. - Yeah. 711 00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:38,555 Where's Mac? 712 00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:41,911 Well, he's let me down again, hasn't he? 713 00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,189 Life's just a game. Bastard. 714 00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:48,471 Well, no, I'm sure he had his reasons. 715 00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:52,234 He's actually not a bastard. 716 00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:55,397 He's, um... he's a really good bloke. 717 00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:03,432 - Yes. - What? 718 00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:07,109 Yes. Yes to what you asked me earlier. 719 00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,316 Really? 720 00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:15,752 You had a little snog and some touching with another girl when you were at school? 721 00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,519 No, no, no. Yes to the getting married thing. 722 00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:20,790 Oh. Oh. 723 00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:24,993 - It's hardly prepubescent lesbian fumbling. - No. Sorry. 724 00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:27,759 That's OK. 725 00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:29,836 Are you sure? 726 00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:33,477 Yeah. 727 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:37,798 I mean, I shared a bed with Marianne Selby when we were 15 and she rolled over and... 728 00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:41,310 No, I rolled over and touched her boob, but she was in a pair of pyjamas 729 00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:45,718 - so I don't think it really counts. - No, I meant about the marriage thing. 730 00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:47,353 Oh, oh. Erm... 731 00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:54,158 Yes, I'm sure. There's always been something between us. I think we both know that. 732 00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,236 Oh, my God. 733 00:50:57,720 --> 00:51:00,314 Oh, my God. 734 00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:02,510 Did you ever tell Mac? 735 00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:07,270 No. It's very easy to lie when you know that you're trusted implicitly. 736 00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:09,516 So very easy and so very degrading. 737 00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:12,438 - No, I meant about the lesbian thing. - Oh. No. 738 00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:16,830 I love you, Dr Todd. 739 00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,197 - What? What? - Sorry. Sorry. 740 00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:23,880 It's just I normally do the lunging, so... 741 00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:25,956 Oh. 742 00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:28,554 Oh. Oh, sorry. 743 00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:30,671 - See what I mean? - Yeah, yeah. 744 00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,349 - We... Why don't we...? - You go and I'll... 745 00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:43,271 (Statham ) A is for anus. 746 00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,356 - B is for bum hole. - Oh, is he off again? 747 00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:47,755 - C is for cunt. - Oh! 748 00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,155 (Statham ) D is for dogs' dicks. 749 00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,714 E is for ejaculation. 750 00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:55,308 F is for fuck. 751 00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:57,635 G is for gonads. 752 00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:59,716 H is for... 753 00:52:04,240 --> 00:52:06,435 - (whistle) - Er, yeah. 754 00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:09,472 - Oh, quick, quick, quick. - OK. I hope they've got a buffet. 755 00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:11,556 I'm starving. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net