1 00:00:01,372 --> 00:00:03,669 - Marry me. - Is this some sort of bet? 2 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:07,619 No, no, no, no. This is me, here and now, asking you to marry me. 3 00:00:07,752 --> 00:00:10,416 Criminals always get caught. Don't you watch TV? 4 00:00:10,538 --> 00:00:13,123 - We're not going to prison! - They'll look for us. 5 00:00:13,244 --> 00:00:16,068 Why? Where's the motive? Why would we murder a dwarf? 6 00:00:16,192 --> 00:00:17,685 Why would you kill a dwarf? 7 00:00:17,807 --> 00:00:20,425 So if I just went for it one day, say, I said, you know... 8 00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:23,654 asked her to marry me, she would turn me down flat, would she? 9 00:00:23,783 --> 00:00:26,930 - Well, I know you. You wouldn't do that. - Right. Wouldn't I? 10 00:00:27,054 --> 00:00:29,305 - Get out of the van. - It's a mobile home. 11 00:00:29,436 --> 00:00:31,446 Right, get out of the mobile home, then. 12 00:00:31,576 --> 00:00:33,551 No, I can't see you. 13 00:00:35,291 --> 00:00:37,186 No. I can't see you. 14 00:00:37,310 --> 00:00:39,285 Suppose you were conducting some routine tests 15 00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:42,832 and you stumbled across something significant, something serious? 16 00:00:42,964 --> 00:00:47,522 You've got to actually go and tell the patient that he's gonna die, which is... I hate that. 17 00:00:48,011 --> 00:00:52,203 "Meet me at the station at 6:43. Wear something special." 18 00:00:52,332 --> 00:00:56,121 - Christ, I'd better go! - Martin, I think it's for me. 19 00:00:56,612 --> 00:01:02,424 I forget I have a first name sometimes. People always... Well, they call me Mac. 20 00:01:02,548 --> 00:01:05,534 I'm so very, very sorry. 21 00:01:05,657 --> 00:01:07,793 Caroline! 22 00:01:07,918 --> 00:01:09,893 Mac. 23 00:01:13,168 --> 00:01:17,521 - Let's not succumb to feeble-minded panic. - Are we nearly there yet? 24 00:01:17,650 --> 00:01:19,464 Oh, my fucksy! 25 00:01:19,588 --> 00:01:24,262 He's let me down again, hasn't he? Life's just a game. 26 00:01:24,394 --> 00:01:26,564 A sheep! 27 00:01:32,461 --> 00:01:33,959 This is just weird. 28 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:36,215 - What? - Déjà vu. 29 00:01:36,709 --> 00:01:39,696 - Yes. - What? 30 00:01:39,819 --> 00:01:43,401 Yes. Yes to what you asked me earlier. 31 00:01:44,624 --> 00:01:45,864 Really? 32 00:01:59,888 --> 00:02:04,769 # All things bright and beautiful 33 00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:10,821 # All creatures great and small 34 00:02:10,952 --> 00:02:15,707 # All things wise and wonderful 35 00:02:15,838 --> 00:02:21,569 # The Lord God made them all 36 00:02:21,693 --> 00:02:27,343 # Each little flower that opens 37 00:02:27,467 --> 00:02:32,543 # Each little bird that sings 38 00:02:32,676 --> 00:02:38,488 # He made their glowing colours 39 00:02:38,612 --> 00:02:44,458 # He made their tiny wings 40 00:02:44,588 --> 00:02:49,309 # All things bright and beautiful 41 00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:55,084 # All creatures great and small 42 00:02:55,572 --> 00:03:00,453 # All things wise and wonderful 43 00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:05,415 # The Lord God made them all 44 00:03:05,546 --> 00:03:07,153 Bully for him. 45 00:03:07,282 --> 00:03:10,303 Come, my sweet. Let's not let our predicament dampen our spirits. 46 00:03:10,432 --> 00:03:13,177 It's not our predicament, it's you. 47 00:03:14,631 --> 00:03:17,295 Ah, the smell of the country! 48 00:03:17,418 --> 00:03:21,207 Don't try that one again. I know when it's you. 49 00:03:22,223 --> 00:03:24,841 Where shall we go to, my lovely? 50 00:03:24,969 --> 00:03:28,150 We need to go to the last place anyone would think of looking for us. 51 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,094 - Hunstanton. - No. 52 00:03:30,218 --> 00:03:32,595 - Os-Oswestry. - No. 53 00:03:32,722 --> 00:03:34,616 - Chippenham. - No. 54 00:03:34,741 --> 00:03:36,313 - Clitheroe. - No. 55 00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:37,562 Swansea. 56 00:03:37,688 --> 00:03:41,559 How long would you just go on naming random towns for if I let you? 57 00:03:41,686 --> 00:03:43,776 Not sure. 58 00:03:43,907 --> 00:03:46,319 Whitstable. 59 00:03:53,558 --> 00:03:55,532 Death. 60 00:03:56,505 --> 00:03:58,480 It's awful. 61 00:04:00,705 --> 00:04:04,046 Really makes you ponder the meaning of things. 62 00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:06,762 Makes you feel isolated. 63 00:04:06,883 --> 00:04:09,295 Insignificant. 64 00:04:09,427 --> 00:04:11,919 Alone. 65 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,026 A bit horny. 66 00:04:15,928 --> 00:04:19,718 How can you think about sex at a time like this? 67 00:04:19,845 --> 00:04:22,142 Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 68 00:04:22,268 --> 00:04:26,459 I was... I was being inappropriate. I'm so sorry. 69 00:04:28,446 --> 00:04:30,536 Guy, what are you doing? Put it away. 70 00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:33,607 I couldn't be at my sister's funeral at the same time as this 71 00:04:33,736 --> 00:04:36,434 so I thought I'd phone up and see how that one was going. 72 00:04:36,563 --> 00:04:39,870 - Your sister? - Yeah, my stepsister. 73 00:04:39,995 --> 00:04:44,152 You know, I didn't know her that well, so it's not that sad. 74 00:04:44,275 --> 00:04:46,732 Plus this funeral was nearer. 75 00:04:47,708 --> 00:04:50,085 And really sad, obviously. 76 00:04:52,795 --> 00:04:56,103 # Day-o 77 00:04:56,349 --> 00:04:58,726 # Day-o 78 00:04:58,852 --> 00:05:02,355 # Daylight come and I want to go home 79 00:05:02,487 --> 00:05:05,955 # Come, Mr Taliban, tally me banana 80 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,629 # Daylight come and I want to go home 81 00:05:09,755 --> 00:05:13,338 # I got a very big banana 82 00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:17,053 # Daylight come and I want to go home 83 00:05:17,185 --> 00:05:20,526 # Give me the bag with the big Chihuahua 84 00:05:20,658 --> 00:05:24,896 # Daylight come and I want to go home 85 00:05:25,019 --> 00:05:27,510 # Day-o 86 00:05:30,309 --> 00:05:33,891 God, I've got a boner the size of that coffin. 87 00:05:39,475 --> 00:05:41,404 Was that inappropriate? 88 00:05:41,534 --> 00:05:44,762 And now on behalf of all the hospital staff, 89 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:48,274 Dr Martin Dear is going to say a few words. 90 00:05:54,294 --> 00:05:59,865 Dr Dear would like to express some thoughts and feelings 91 00:05:59,988 --> 00:06:02,974 for his friend and colleague. 92 00:06:38,753 --> 00:06:41,084 This is super, isn't it? 93 00:06:41,216 --> 00:06:46,625 Miles away from responsibility, jobs, hospitals, everything. 94 00:06:48,323 --> 00:06:50,413 It's fucking quiet, isn't it? 95 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,368 - Peewit! - Shithead. 96 00:06:53,492 --> 00:06:58,855 No, just there. Peewit. It's a lapwing. Uh, th-the green plover. 97 00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:02,532 - Make your mind up. - No, it's the same bird, different names. 98 00:07:02,658 --> 00:07:07,620 The peewit, so called because of its distinctive call or cry, peewit. 99 00:07:07,746 --> 00:07:11,375 P-p-p-pee-wee. Peewit. Peewit. 100 00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:13,913 Peewit. It's lovely. 101 00:07:38,273 --> 00:07:40,765 Oh, it's lovely. 102 00:07:40,898 --> 00:07:42,872 Lovely. 103 00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:47,513 Alan, are you humping the ground? 104 00:07:49,741 --> 00:07:51,590 Possibly. 105 00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:42,719 Oh! 106 00:08:42,841 --> 00:08:47,435 Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! 107 00:09:08,119 --> 00:09:10,174 I can't believe it. I just... 108 00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:13,079 I can't get over the waste. It just seems so unfair. 109 00:09:13,207 --> 00:09:16,917 - Yeah, should have been someone like him. - Stop it. 110 00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:22,930 All that hair wasted, that lovely, lovely hair. 111 00:09:23,060 --> 00:09:27,573 You're right. I mean, that is... that is some prime muff going six feet under back there. 112 00:09:27,703 --> 00:09:30,609 Guy, do you think you could show just a little bit of respect? 113 00:09:30,732 --> 00:09:34,648 Sorry. I'm just not very good with sad things that bring out the worst in me. 114 00:09:34,770 --> 00:09:37,182 I'm not... not good at handling pain. 115 00:09:37,314 --> 00:09:41,552 Apart from spanky-spanky on-the-botty kind of pain. 116 00:09:41,675 --> 00:09:44,499 Hey, you gotta face it. You didn't like Angela that much. 117 00:09:44,623 --> 00:09:48,734 How can you say that? She was my dear, dear friend. 118 00:09:48,863 --> 00:09:53,261 We worked together every day of our working days. 119 00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:55,969 I hate funerals. 120 00:09:56,091 --> 00:09:59,398 I don't know why, but they just make me feel really... 121 00:09:59,523 --> 00:10:01,497 sad. 122 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:07,994 Maybe it's cos I fancy Angela a little bit, you know, cos she had really nice hair. 123 00:10:08,124 --> 00:10:10,098 Yeah. 124 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,096 - I thought he might come. - Who? 125 00:10:14,221 --> 00:10:16,437 Him. Mac. He was her real friend. 126 00:10:16,563 --> 00:10:19,791 That's Mac all over, isn't it? Just selfish. He's always thinking of himself. 127 00:10:19,915 --> 00:10:22,211 - Can you get off her, please? - Guy... 128 00:10:22,338 --> 00:10:24,508 He is taking the piss. 129 00:10:38,086 --> 00:10:40,060 Mac. 130 00:10:40,993 --> 00:10:44,221 - How could he? - Yeah, cos he's selfish, that's why. 131 00:10:44,345 --> 00:10:46,676 No, I mean, he's here. 132 00:10:46,808 --> 00:10:49,633 - Yeah, I can smell perfume as well. - Where? 133 00:10:49,756 --> 00:10:51,730 There. 134 00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:57,786 Argh! Argh! 135 00:10:57,913 --> 00:11:00,497 - What? - Oh, God, Angela! 136 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:04,649 I... I just think it's starting to hit me about her. 137 00:11:04,777 --> 00:11:08,601 - I know. I know. - Oh, that bloody moose! 138 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:12,650 - I know. Poor Angela. - I just... 139 00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:16,241 - Lovely, lovely Angela. I know. - Oh, God! 140 00:11:25,371 --> 00:11:27,346 Angela. 141 00:11:37,768 --> 00:11:42,568 You know, it was either the puppies or a view of the local church, so I went for puppies. 142 00:11:42,694 --> 00:11:45,795 - And what have you put? - "Dear Martin, hope you're well." 143 00:11:45,925 --> 00:11:50,483 "Thanks for calling the AA. Sorry to have pushed you out of the van." 144 00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:54,319 "It was for your own good, witness the happy fact of your survival." 145 00:11:54,445 --> 00:11:59,486 - "Love from your mummy." - "From your mother." 146 00:11:59,613 --> 00:12:02,841 No. Well, no, she's dead, and she never knew Martin anyway, so... 147 00:12:02,965 --> 00:12:05,870 No, his mother. Me. And leave out the "love" bit. 148 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:10,473 Oh, right, OK. So it's just "From your mother". 149 00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:14,547 The postmark'll be a problem. You'll need to give it to someone else to post. 150 00:12:14,675 --> 00:12:16,811 - There you go. - Not to me. 151 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:20,726 To someone different going somewhere different from where we're going, like... 152 00:12:20,853 --> 00:12:22,748 - Good idea. ...Brazil, maybe. 153 00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:29,373 I could put a couple of red herrings in, such as "Visited the Copacabana. Met Pelé." 154 00:12:29,495 --> 00:12:33,491 Look, I said maybe Brazil. We don't know yet. Depends who we can find to post it. 155 00:12:33,613 --> 00:12:39,103 - Could be bloody Shetland. - Maybe a Copacabana nightclub there? 156 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:44,550 "P-P-Pelé met me on holiday... 157 00:12:45,445 --> 00:12:47,419 in the Shetlands." 158 00:13:04,262 --> 00:13:07,443 - Don't I know you from somewhere? - I'm often mistaken for Mick Hucknall. 159 00:13:07,573 --> 00:13:11,489 - Are you? - Yeah. No, actually, I'm not, really. 160 00:13:11,611 --> 00:13:14,068 A month's leave, they said. You're back early. 161 00:13:14,195 --> 00:13:18,273 Yeah. Yeah. Well, I love my work. Couldn't keep away. 162 00:13:18,395 --> 00:13:22,392 - Awful about Angela. - Mm. Yeah, I know. I... 163 00:13:22,514 --> 00:13:26,143 - Only the good-looking die young. - That can't be right, can it? 164 00:13:26,269 --> 00:13:31,311 No. Well, no, it isn't, but I wanted to say something complimentary. 165 00:13:38,666 --> 00:13:40,997 Can I just ask why? 166 00:13:41,129 --> 00:13:44,953 Uh, cos she just died and I was very fond of her. 167 00:13:45,086 --> 00:13:46,774 No, I mean why have you been away? 168 00:13:46,903 --> 00:13:50,452 They said it was personal. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. 169 00:13:50,578 --> 00:13:53,679 It's... it's a family matter. 170 00:13:53,808 --> 00:13:55,979 Oh. I don't wanna pry. 171 00:13:57,806 --> 00:13:59,976 I hope it's all OK now? 172 00:14:02,046 --> 00:14:03,619 Yes. 173 00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:05,269 It's OK. 174 00:14:05,397 --> 00:14:07,372 Good. 175 00:14:12,989 --> 00:14:15,401 By the way, you forgot to meet me at the station. 176 00:14:15,533 --> 00:14:17,864 Oh! Thought I'd nearly got away with that one. 177 00:14:17,996 --> 00:14:20,580 No, sorry. 178 00:14:20,702 --> 00:14:23,193 Yeah. I did try to call you. 179 00:14:23,326 --> 00:14:25,542 Engaged, was I? There's a funny thing. 180 00:14:25,668 --> 00:14:29,584 I didn't really know what to say. Um... 181 00:14:29,706 --> 00:14:33,451 "I'm on my way" would have been good. 182 00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:36,764 Yes. The thing is, um... 183 00:14:36,894 --> 00:14:38,823 Forget it. It's history. 184 00:14:38,953 --> 00:14:41,538 It's cool, it's fine, etcetera. 185 00:14:42,991 --> 00:14:44,404 Good. 186 00:14:44,647 --> 00:14:46,622 Good. 187 00:14:49,937 --> 00:14:52,107 So, what have I missed? 188 00:14:52,238 --> 00:14:54,823 Oh, you know, this and that. 189 00:14:54,944 --> 00:14:58,573 - Oh, and one quite big thing. - An elephant? 190 00:14:58,699 --> 00:15:02,168 I think Guy might want to tell you himself. 191 00:15:02,293 --> 00:15:04,188 Guy? 192 00:15:04,312 --> 00:15:06,322 - He hasn't managed five in a bed? - No. 193 00:15:06,452 --> 00:15:08,944 That was always his life's ambition. 194 00:15:09,077 --> 00:15:11,052 - Things might have changed. - Right. 195 00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:16,862 I hope so, anyway. That sort of thing can really screw up a honeymoon. 196 00:15:31,811 --> 00:15:33,786 Lovely morning. 197 00:15:36,212 --> 00:15:39,152 - What happened to you? - Did you not hear? 198 00:15:39,281 --> 00:15:42,026 I fell out of a window. 199 00:15:42,148 --> 00:15:46,226 - Well, who'd you land on? Estée Lauder? - Kim, you are silly. 200 00:15:46,348 --> 00:15:49,816 You couldn't get me a cup of tea, could you? I'm ever so thirsty. 201 00:15:49,942 --> 00:15:53,203 - What are you doing? - I'm scared of her. 202 00:15:54,141 --> 00:15:58,977 Well, I just... I didn't want to do just, like, a song or a poem. Everyone does that. 203 00:15:59,108 --> 00:16:02,577 - Yeah, but a mime? - I think it worked. 204 00:16:02,702 --> 00:16:06,205 - It was beautiful, Martin. - Thank you. Or should I say... 205 00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:09,599 Don't do it again. 206 00:16:09,728 --> 00:16:13,391 Mac! You're back! Oh, brilliant. We missed you so much. 207 00:16:13,524 --> 00:16:16,785 - Give me some skin, man. - Yeah, man, here's some skin for you. 208 00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:20,625 - Nice. Nice one. - Yeah. See? Oh, yeah. 209 00:16:20,752 --> 00:16:23,290 - This is the, um, happy couple? - Yep. 210 00:16:26,082 --> 00:16:28,252 - Oh, hi, didn't see you there. - Hi. 211 00:16:28,384 --> 00:16:33,828 Ah, welcome back. So, yeah, you've heard. Good news does travel fast, doesn't it? 212 00:16:33,956 --> 00:16:36,896 Caroline and I won't be single for very much longer. 213 00:16:37,025 --> 00:16:39,402 - Yeah, nice one. - Thank you. 214 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:43,960 - Thanks. - Congratulations. 215 00:16:44,091 --> 00:16:46,147 Thank you. 216 00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:50,384 Right, so we'd better be getting along because we have a seating plan to arrange, 217 00:16:50,512 --> 00:16:53,819 because we're getting married. 218 00:16:53,944 --> 00:16:56,482 Guy? Could you get me a coffee, please? 219 00:16:56,609 --> 00:16:59,273 - No. - Sorry? 220 00:16:59,395 --> 00:17:04,196 Uh, yeah, OK, sure. But don't look into his eyes, OK? 221 00:17:14,376 --> 00:17:16,788 So, did you miss us all while you were gone? 222 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,850 Yeah, yeah, you know. 223 00:17:18,980 --> 00:17:21,518 - Some more than others, obviously. - Right, yeah. 224 00:17:21,645 --> 00:17:24,102 - Mac, about Guy... - Did I miss anything? 225 00:17:24,229 --> 00:17:25,676 - No. - Great. 226 00:17:25,804 --> 00:17:29,996 Well, Mac, you must do us the honour of coming to our little wedding. It's in a castle. 227 00:17:30,125 --> 00:17:32,582 - Ah, bouncy one. Love them, love them. - Oh, yes! 228 00:17:32,709 --> 00:17:34,282 - No, a bricky one. - Oh, shit. 229 00:17:34,405 --> 00:17:38,999 It's costing about 23 grand all in, including the honeymoon. 230 00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:45,136 - Right. Well, that'll be worth every penny. - Yeah, you'd better believe it. 231 00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:49,783 - I'll be cutting people up if you need me. - Yeah, yeah, me too. 232 00:17:49,911 --> 00:17:52,977 Did I miss a spectacular promotion while I was away? 233 00:17:53,101 --> 00:17:55,271 What? Oh! 234 00:17:55,403 --> 00:17:59,560 I was just, you know, I was talking metaphorically. Yeah. 235 00:17:59,683 --> 00:18:02,543 So, get cuttin'. 236 00:18:02,671 --> 00:18:04,646 Let's get cuttin'. 237 00:18:08,244 --> 00:18:10,908 Oh-ho-ho! Oh, yeah. 238 00:18:11,030 --> 00:18:13,614 Sorry, sit down. If you like. 239 00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:19,783 Got to ask now, haven't you, with women's lib and everything? 240 00:18:19,913 --> 00:18:22,291 Wanna do some more snogging? 241 00:18:24,396 --> 00:18:28,909 This is a hospital canteen, Guy, not a school disco. 242 00:18:32,835 --> 00:18:36,625 It's so weird. I keep forgetting you're mine. 243 00:20:25,698 --> 00:20:27,351 Aww. 244 00:20:27,474 --> 00:20:30,059 Sweet, silly doctor. 245 00:20:31,593 --> 00:20:34,533 - There. - Less milk. 246 00:20:36,237 --> 00:20:38,292 - I like new Karen. - Thanks. 247 00:20:38,417 --> 00:20:40,392 Feisty. 248 00:20:49,078 --> 00:20:52,098 You still think she might have said yes if you'd asked her. 249 00:20:52,227 --> 00:20:54,846 - That is irrelevant. - Yeah, it is irrelevant, yeah. 250 00:20:54,973 --> 00:20:58,717 It's become obvious that I am the right choice. The healthy option. 251 00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:01,468 - What are you now, a margarine? - Who's a margarine? 252 00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:05,787 - Fiancée! Are you ready to play Mr and Mrs? - What do you mean? 253 00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:09,626 Mac earlier on asked me some questions about you. 254 00:21:09,752 --> 00:21:14,071 Now he's going to ask you for your answers and if your answers and my answers match, 255 00:21:14,194 --> 00:21:19,075 then we are the perfect couple and we win a car or something. OK? 256 00:21:19,201 --> 00:21:21,176 - OK. - OK, go. 257 00:21:22,512 --> 00:21:27,233 OK, question one. You're on your honeymoon with Guy and you get back to the hotel 258 00:21:27,358 --> 00:21:32,848 and you see sitting in the bar, having a drink, your all-time favourite film star. 259 00:21:32,971 --> 00:21:37,691 So, what do you do? Do you (a) rush over and say hello and tell Guy not to wait up for you? 260 00:21:37,816 --> 00:21:41,319 (b) Get together and go over with Guy and say hello? 261 00:21:41,451 --> 00:21:44,712 Or (c) completely ignore the celebrity 262 00:21:44,843 --> 00:21:49,275 and just rush straight upstairs with Guy to the honeymoon suite? 263 00:21:49,406 --> 00:21:51,621 - Go and say hello. - Take your time. 264 00:21:51,748 --> 00:21:55,905 You've got as long as you want to say, you know, and what you think, and think. 265 00:21:56,028 --> 00:21:58,118 - I'd say hello. - You wouldn't really. 266 00:21:58,249 --> 00:22:00,787 - Yeah, it's a once-in-a-lifetime chance. - All right. 267 00:22:00,914 --> 00:22:03,498 You're saying that you would say a quick hello 268 00:22:03,619 --> 00:22:07,007 and then you'd rush up to the honeymoon suite to see me? 269 00:22:07,132 --> 00:22:10,796 - Yeah, I'm not sure that's what she's saying. - You can fuck off! 270 00:22:10,928 --> 00:22:14,270 - You would be so good in the real TV show. - This is important. Think. 271 00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:17,467 - I have thought. - Think harder. 272 00:22:17,591 --> 00:22:21,668 I would like to go and have a drink in the bar, if that's all right by you. 273 00:22:21,790 --> 00:22:26,028 - Well, it's not bloody all right with me! - That doesn't bode well for the relationship. 274 00:22:26,151 --> 00:22:27,357 Honour and obey! 275 00:22:27,484 --> 00:22:30,906 I'm not saying those words if I can't have a drink as and when I feel like it. 276 00:22:31,037 --> 00:22:34,506 And you feel like it when there's a chance of getting into some film star's pants! 277 00:22:34,631 --> 00:22:38,904 Why would I want to get into Dame Judi Dench's pants?! 278 00:22:43,232 --> 00:22:46,620 Ah. Oh, oh, oh, oh. 279 00:22:48,441 --> 00:22:51,301 - Who did you think it was? - That question is null and void, 280 00:22:51,429 --> 00:22:56,632 because my fiancée has some lezzy blind spot when it comes to choosing a film star and... 281 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,251 I love you. 282 00:23:03,665 --> 00:23:05,916 - She's a bit of a mess, isn't she? - Well, no. 283 00:23:06,047 --> 00:23:09,435 Fair's far. She's been on the road, no makeup, so make allowances for the old girl. 284 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,007 He means the van. 285 00:23:11,135 --> 00:23:14,362 I was talking about the van. but now you mention it, I take your point. 286 00:23:14,486 --> 00:23:16,898 It wasn't my point, I thought it was your point. 287 00:23:17,030 --> 00:23:21,222 - Time takes its toll on all of us, doesn't it? - What about the van? 288 00:23:21,351 --> 00:23:24,372 The rear axle's knackered, innit? What have you been up to? 289 00:23:24,501 --> 00:23:28,371 Up to? N-nothing, nothing. Up to, up to, up to... 290 00:23:28,498 --> 00:23:31,645 It's not easy driving through... Not stolen and over the... 291 00:23:31,769 --> 00:23:35,593 No dwarfs were killed... On the edge of the cliff... There was no cliff. 292 00:23:35,726 --> 00:23:38,586 - Are you all right? - Kids. Some kids did it. 293 00:23:38,715 --> 00:23:41,046 So, Prince Charming, can you fix it or not? 294 00:23:41,178 --> 00:23:43,716 I'd have to get parts. Might take a couple of weeks. 295 00:23:43,843 --> 00:23:46,013 That's no shitting good! 296 00:23:46,145 --> 00:23:50,095 - Look, is it dangerous to drive? - You'll get away with it for a month or two. 297 00:23:50,223 --> 00:23:52,600 - Get away with it? - My advice is don't bother. 298 00:23:52,726 --> 00:23:57,895 Yeah, and my advice is keep your advice to yourself, grease monkey. 299 00:23:58,016 --> 00:24:00,347 Come on, you. 300 00:24:00,479 --> 00:24:03,017 Well, yes. What-what-what she said! 301 00:24:03,145 --> 00:24:07,945 You bloody greasy, whatever, m-monkey. 302 00:24:19,256 --> 00:24:21,266 Oh, dear. Wrong gear. 303 00:24:22,164 --> 00:24:24,541 It's all right, I'll sort it. 304 00:24:33,753 --> 00:24:37,014 - Is he upset? - No, not any more. 305 00:24:37,548 --> 00:24:41,821 - I hope he doesn't report us. - I don't think he will. 306 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,703 Sorry about not noticing the falling out the window thing. 307 00:24:49,824 --> 00:24:52,281 - That's all right. - You had a lucky escape. 308 00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:54,786 There's not a scratch on you. 309 00:25:00,686 --> 00:25:03,546 And my nose whistles when I orgasm. 310 00:25:11,912 --> 00:25:15,093 So, I'm going to need three weeks off for my honeymoon. 311 00:25:15,223 --> 00:25:17,394 - It's never gonna happen. - What? 312 00:25:17,525 --> 00:25:19,614 You and Plod, never gonna happen. 313 00:25:19,746 --> 00:25:22,237 - Yes, it will. - No, it won't. 314 00:25:22,370 --> 00:25:24,782 - Yes, it will, I love her. - No, you don't. 315 00:25:24,914 --> 00:25:28,302 - Yes, I do. - No, you don't. She doesn't love you. 316 00:25:28,427 --> 00:25:30,839 - Yes, she does. - No, she doesn't, she loves Mac. 317 00:25:30,971 --> 00:25:33,556 - No, no, she doesn't. - Yes, she does. 318 00:25:33,677 --> 00:25:38,236 Every woman in the whole wide world loves Mac and they all hate you. 319 00:25:38,361 --> 00:25:39,808 - No, they don't. - Yes, they do. 320 00:25:39,936 --> 00:25:42,347 - Oh, no, they don't. - Oh, yes, they do. 321 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,490 - Oh, no, they don't. - She'll never marry you. 322 00:25:44,620 --> 00:25:45,825 - She will. - She won't. 323 00:25:45,952 --> 00:25:47,766 - Yes, she will. - No, she willnae. 324 00:25:47,891 --> 00:25:49,705 - Yes, she will-ee. - No, she couldnae. 325 00:25:49,829 --> 00:25:51,919 - Yes, she could-ee. - No, she willnae. 326 00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:54,105 - Yes, she will-ee. - No, no, she won't. 327 00:25:54,230 --> 00:25:56,159 - Oh, yes, she will. - Oh, no, she won't. 328 00:25:56,290 --> 00:25:59,471 - Oh, yes, she will. - She's behind you. 329 00:26:02,266 --> 00:26:04,930 Oi, what? 330 00:26:05,052 --> 00:26:07,992 Come out, you pixie woman! 331 00:26:08,121 --> 00:26:10,096 Come out. 332 00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:13,727 She loves me! 333 00:26:13,855 --> 00:26:15,784 Right, this isn't over. 334 00:26:15,914 --> 00:26:17,924 Oh, yes, it is. 335 00:26:18,055 --> 00:26:20,351 - Oh, no, it isn't. - Oh, yes, it is. 336 00:26:20,477 --> 00:26:22,165 - Oh, no, it isn't. - Oh, yes, it is. 337 00:26:22,416 --> 00:26:25,723 - Oh, no, it isn't. - Oh, yes, it is. 338 00:26:41,273 --> 00:26:43,328 I hate cocking camping! 339 00:26:43,454 --> 00:26:49,139 It's not for long. The main thing in our situation is just to blend in. 340 00:26:53,226 --> 00:26:57,464 Oh! Actually, I think I'll, um... I'll blend in here. 341 00:26:57,587 --> 00:27:02,583 No, no, there's no need to blend in just exactly there, necessarily. 342 00:27:02,715 --> 00:27:06,539 No, no. You're right, we've got to stop somewhere. Might as well be here. 343 00:27:06,672 --> 00:27:09,003 - We need to use the amenities. - Well... 344 00:27:09,135 --> 00:27:10,949 - Fancy a game? - Yeah, I'll play. 345 00:27:11,074 --> 00:27:13,898 - No, I'll play, uh, Lucy! - Lucy? 346 00:27:14,021 --> 00:27:18,661 Yes, that's our fugitive names. I've worked the whole story out. You're Lucy, I'm Gareth. 347 00:27:18,786 --> 00:27:20,761 We're on our honeymoon. You're a widow. 348 00:27:20,886 --> 00:27:23,183 I'm a bachelor finally ready to make a commitment. 349 00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:27,662 - Fuck off! I don't want to be Lucy. - Well, the main thing is just blending. 350 00:27:27,791 --> 00:27:30,042 - Hi, I'm Jonny. - Hi. Hi, Jonny. 351 00:27:30,173 --> 00:27:33,561 I'm Cherry and this is Merle. 352 00:27:33,687 --> 00:27:34,685 Hm? 353 00:27:34,817 --> 00:27:38,320 - So, are you two together? - God, no! Brother and sister. 354 00:27:38,451 --> 00:27:39,738 Th-there. 355 00:27:39,865 --> 00:27:44,218 Well, I'm having a barbie later. Just bring your meat and booze, and come meet the gang. 356 00:27:44,347 --> 00:27:46,402 - Great. - No. Great. 357 00:27:46,527 --> 00:27:49,272 It is that, but unlikely. 358 00:27:49,394 --> 00:27:53,713 - The offer's there if you're around. Here. - Great. 359 00:27:53,836 --> 00:27:57,178 - Merle. What's Merle? - Well, it's better than Gareth. 360 00:27:57,309 --> 00:27:59,640 I don't think this barbecue's a very good idea. 361 00:27:59,772 --> 00:28:03,929 Do what you want, Merle, but I'm staying for the barbie. I fancy a bit of Jonny's sausage. 362 00:28:04,052 --> 00:28:07,475 I'll have it. Give it, give it, give it, give it, give it. 363 00:28:07,606 --> 00:28:09,580 Here I am! 364 00:28:31,188 --> 00:28:35,184 Right. Good day, everyone. 365 00:28:35,307 --> 00:28:39,625 Some of you may have heard that Dr Statham is currently unavailable, 366 00:28:39,748 --> 00:28:45,078 so I'll be filling in for him for the time being. The textbook I'll be referring to... 367 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,370 Sorry, you've been filling in Dr... 368 00:28:47,501 --> 00:28:52,096 Don't you fucking dare interrupt me while I'm talking! 369 00:28:54,528 --> 00:29:00,132 I don't think we'll be playing your little games from now on. Do you? 370 00:29:05,511 --> 00:29:09,255 Marvellous. Right, well, let's get on with some teaching now, shall we? 371 00:29:09,387 --> 00:29:12,810 If you turn to page 16 in the Watkinson and Adams, 372 00:29:12,941 --> 00:29:16,938 the gastrointestinal tract. 373 00:29:22,390 --> 00:29:24,364 Oh! Oh! 374 00:29:26,872 --> 00:29:28,847 Oh! Got it! 375 00:29:39,188 --> 00:29:41,358 Got it! I bloody got it! 376 00:29:50,091 --> 00:29:51,503 - Whoops. - Hi. 377 00:29:51,625 --> 00:29:53,956 Haven't seen our scraggy mother recently? 378 00:29:54,088 --> 00:29:56,626 Oh, she's fine. She's on holiday with Dr Statham. 379 00:29:56,753 --> 00:29:59,165 You know, they've gone to live in the hills. 380 00:29:59,297 --> 00:30:02,525 Yeah, they're going to build a new life, a quiet life, and then... 381 00:30:02,649 --> 00:30:05,669 I don't know, probably make up a home, get some money together, 382 00:30:05,798 --> 00:30:09,186 then they're gonna send for us and then we'll be like a proper family. 383 00:30:09,312 --> 00:30:14,227 Great. Oh, I can't wait. That's what I've always wanted, to be part of a real, proper family. 384 00:30:14,359 --> 00:30:17,862 Really? Brilliant, yeah. It's going to be really cool. 385 00:30:17,993 --> 00:30:21,300 Yeah. Martin, do you really think she's going to send for you? 386 00:30:21,426 --> 00:30:23,355 - Do you think that, do you? - Yeah. 387 00:30:23,485 --> 00:30:27,676 Yeah? She doesn't like you. She doesn't like anyone. She doesn't even like herself. 388 00:30:27,806 --> 00:30:30,585 She's empty. No heart, no soul. 389 00:30:31,965 --> 00:30:34,456 You miss her, don't you? 390 00:30:34,590 --> 00:30:38,505 Yeah, you should just accept to yourself that you love her. 391 00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:42,210 You're angry, but you were inside her once. 392 00:30:50,661 --> 00:30:52,716 I meant inside her womb, 393 00:30:52,841 --> 00:30:54,816 not up her. 394 00:30:59,746 --> 00:31:03,088 # Should I stay? 395 00:31:03,219 --> 00:31:07,089 # Would it be a sin? 396 00:31:07,217 --> 00:31:10,237 # But I couldn't help 397 00:31:10,366 --> 00:31:14,363 # Falling in love with you 398 00:31:14,485 --> 00:31:17,632 # Take my hand 399 00:31:17,756 --> 00:31:21,787 # Take my whole life too 400 00:31:21,915 --> 00:31:25,418 # For I couldn't help 401 00:31:25,549 --> 00:31:29,948 # Falling in love with you 402 00:31:37,542 --> 00:31:41,734 Right. Or, instead of me killing you, 403 00:31:41,863 --> 00:31:45,090 you could fall in love with someone else. 404 00:31:45,214 --> 00:31:47,189 Someone else? 405 00:31:48,445 --> 00:31:50,822 - Someone else. - Mm. 406 00:31:50,948 --> 00:31:54,290 Someone else who would love you back. 407 00:31:54,421 --> 00:31:58,612 Love me back? Oh, well, that's quite a good idea. Right, thanks. 408 00:31:58,742 --> 00:32:01,360 I'll take that. It's just got blanks. 409 00:32:01,488 --> 00:32:02,981 Jesus! 410 00:32:03,103 --> 00:32:06,042 Oh, my bag. Excellent. Right. 411 00:32:06,172 --> 00:32:08,629 So long, Dr Macartney. 412 00:32:08,756 --> 00:32:11,133 Someone else, someone else. 413 00:32:22,404 --> 00:32:26,355 - Coleslaw? - Oh, no, I think it's a spot, actually. 414 00:32:26,483 --> 00:32:29,102 - No, there's a bowl of coleslaw over there. - It's a joke. 415 00:32:29,229 --> 00:32:32,168 Of course I haven't got a spot. I've got good skin. Feel it. 416 00:32:32,298 --> 00:32:35,284 - I'm sure it's fine. - Just feel it. See, it's very smooth. 417 00:32:35,407 --> 00:32:41,172 - Um, I think I should interpose myself. - I'd rather you didn't. What do you want? 418 00:32:41,302 --> 00:32:45,047 My-my-my sausage is not very well cooked. It's a bit pink. 419 00:32:45,179 --> 00:32:46,913 Oh, here, have some of mine. 420 00:32:47,036 --> 00:32:49,816 - No. - I'm here all week. How long you here for? 421 00:32:49,944 --> 00:32:51,758 - The whole week. - Not very long. 422 00:32:51,882 --> 00:32:54,259 Go and sort your sausage out. 423 00:32:56,849 --> 00:32:59,513 - So, what does your brother do? - My brother? 424 00:32:59,635 --> 00:33:02,897 Oh, he, uh... he keeps bees. 425 00:33:03,027 --> 00:33:05,001 Wow. 426 00:33:49,181 --> 00:33:52,409 - I've been meaning to ask. Is he attached? - Attached to what? 427 00:33:52,533 --> 00:33:56,931 Like, is he with anyone? I mean, I wouldn't want to tread on anyone's toes. 428 00:33:57,055 --> 00:33:58,950 - I'm not mistaken, am I? - Bugger! 429 00:33:59,074 --> 00:34:02,221 You know, the shorts and the tache. 430 00:34:02,345 --> 00:34:03,918 No, no, no, he's, um... 431 00:34:04,041 --> 00:34:08,072 Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, you're right, absolutely. Go for it. 432 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,175 Um, Merle. 433 00:34:10,300 --> 00:34:12,356 Merle? 434 00:34:12,481 --> 00:34:15,179 Merle? Merle? 435 00:34:15,307 --> 00:34:19,626 - Yeah, he's a bit deaf in that ear. Oi, Merle! - Merle. 436 00:34:19,749 --> 00:34:22,815 Merle, Merle. Oh, hello. 437 00:34:22,939 --> 00:34:28,015 Look, I was thinking, you know, we might take a walk along the river bank. 438 00:34:28,148 --> 00:34:31,455 Oh, well, that would be lovely. I'm not sure, um, uh... 439 00:34:31,581 --> 00:34:35,210 Cherry would be very interested in walking by a muddy river bank, but... 440 00:34:35,336 --> 00:34:37,184 No, I meant just you and me. 441 00:34:37,314 --> 00:34:39,645 Oh, well, that... Really? I'd love... 442 00:34:39,778 --> 00:34:43,407 Do you hear that, Cherry? Jonny here is abandoning you. 443 00:34:43,533 --> 00:34:46,840 Oh, no, no, that's fine. No, you two boys go and enjoy yourselves. 444 00:34:46,965 --> 00:34:50,353 - We might catch a glimpse of a heron. - That'd be great. 445 00:34:50,478 --> 00:34:53,142 - Or a kingfisher. - Oh, they're my favourite. 446 00:34:53,265 --> 00:34:55,722 Really? Often people take the mickey out of me 447 00:34:55,849 --> 00:34:58,709 when I start blathering on about our feathered friends. 448 00:34:58,837 --> 00:35:01,616 - In this day and age? - Well, yes, I'm afraid so, yes. 449 00:35:01,744 --> 00:35:03,432 - Well, shall we go? - Yes, please. 450 00:35:03,562 --> 00:35:05,249 - Come on. - Oh, right. 451 00:35:05,379 --> 00:35:08,043 Big... big strong hands, haven't you? Yes. 452 00:35:08,165 --> 00:35:11,346 Might even see... might even see a peewit. 453 00:35:11,476 --> 00:35:13,451 Oh, really? 454 00:35:19,027 --> 00:35:22,255 Did I ever tell you the story about my mate Mouse Cock Ben? 455 00:35:22,379 --> 00:35:26,008 Um... no. 456 00:35:26,134 --> 00:35:28,465 He got really, really pissed 457 00:35:28,597 --> 00:35:30,653 and he fell asleep in a barn 458 00:35:30,778 --> 00:35:34,648 and a mouse chewed off half his penis. 459 00:35:34,775 --> 00:35:39,174 Is that how he got the nickname in the first place? 460 00:35:39,298 --> 00:35:44,294 Oh... yeah, yeah. I think it was, actually, to be honest with you. 461 00:35:44,426 --> 00:35:47,011 Hm. Talking of honesty, I, um... 462 00:35:48,424 --> 00:35:50,755 There's something I have to tell you. 463 00:35:50,887 --> 00:35:52,977 Uh... 464 00:35:53,108 --> 00:35:56,898 I have to tell someone. Which is, um... 465 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,299 Hm. Um... 466 00:36:01,426 --> 00:36:03,401 I-I'm dying. 467 00:36:05,222 --> 00:36:07,967 What? 468 00:36:08,089 --> 00:36:10,064 I'm dying. 469 00:36:11,683 --> 00:36:13,657 What? 470 00:36:16,650 --> 00:36:18,624 I'm dying. 471 00:36:20,607 --> 00:36:23,753 Are you trying to tell me that... What? 472 00:36:23,878 --> 00:36:25,772 You... 473 00:36:25,897 --> 00:36:28,561 What? What are you dying? What of? 474 00:36:28,683 --> 00:36:31,060 Gingeritis? 475 00:36:31,186 --> 00:36:34,092 Are you dying of a small cock? 476 00:36:34,215 --> 00:36:36,190 - Hm. - What? 477 00:36:38,576 --> 00:36:40,907 Um... 478 00:36:41,039 --> 00:36:45,839 Is it in there? Are you dying of something in there? 479 00:36:45,966 --> 00:36:50,560 - What are you dying of? - It's got an a and an e in it. 480 00:36:50,690 --> 00:36:53,710 Acne? You're dying of acne? 481 00:37:00,906 --> 00:37:03,318 Shit! 482 00:37:05,348 --> 00:37:07,805 Oh, no. 483 00:37:07,932 --> 00:37:09,701 How long have you got? 484 00:37:09,830 --> 00:37:13,494 Yep. Just a few, uh... 485 00:37:13,626 --> 00:37:16,486 - Just a few weeks. - You're joking. 486 00:37:17,704 --> 00:37:21,528 But please do not tell Caroline. 487 00:37:21,662 --> 00:37:25,658 I just don't want to make it feel all weird for her and... 488 00:37:25,780 --> 00:37:27,549 - Yeah? So schtum. - Yeah. 489 00:37:27,678 --> 00:37:30,342 - Promise? - Yeah. Jesus. 490 00:37:30,464 --> 00:37:32,439 That's... 491 00:37:34,583 --> 00:37:36,961 That is absolutely... 492 00:37:39,792 --> 00:37:42,778 What were we talking about again? 493 00:37:42,902 --> 00:37:44,831 It was something to do with a mouse. 494 00:37:44,961 --> 00:37:49,555 Oh, yeah, my mate had half his cock chewed off by a mouse! 495 00:37:51,139 --> 00:37:53,114 Oh, fuck! 496 00:37:54,612 --> 00:37:56,024 Oh, fuck! 497 00:37:56,146 --> 00:37:58,925 You twat, why are you dying? 498 00:38:01,073 --> 00:38:04,414 - I don't know. - Actually, I wish I was dying. 499 00:38:04,545 --> 00:38:08,783 - I bet I'd be better at it than you are. - I wish you were dying. 500 00:38:09,976 --> 00:38:11,951 I can't believe it. 501 00:38:12,076 --> 00:38:14,454 I can't believe Guy told you. 502 00:38:14,580 --> 00:38:17,600 I thought Elysian Fields was in Dorset, 503 00:38:17,729 --> 00:38:21,439 and then when I looked it up on the map, I couldn't find it. 504 00:38:21,566 --> 00:38:28,388 And so I asked, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and... 505 00:38:28,511 --> 00:38:31,256 And you lost the ability to complete a sentence. 506 00:38:31,378 --> 00:38:35,569 ...and, and, and then I realised you're not going to Dorset, 507 00:38:35,699 --> 00:38:38,443 you're going to he... 508 00:38:39,494 --> 00:38:41,469 heaven. 509 00:38:45,592 --> 00:38:49,783 You're gonna die. You're going to-to die. 510 00:38:49,912 --> 00:38:52,531 You're dying. You... 511 00:38:52,658 --> 00:38:54,633 You die! 512 00:38:57,665 --> 00:39:01,903 You're not going to have a child, or-or get married to the woman you love, 513 00:39:02,026 --> 00:39:05,609 or grow old with her, or see me qualify. 514 00:39:05,741 --> 00:39:10,221 Hey. I don't think anyone's going to live that long, are they? 515 00:39:10,345 --> 00:39:12,722 You're just saying that! 516 00:39:14,988 --> 00:39:17,366 I heart you, Mac! 517 00:39:17,492 --> 00:39:19,146 Hey, hey. 518 00:39:19,269 --> 00:39:21,646 I heart you too, yeah? 519 00:39:22,984 --> 00:39:25,923 I heart you too. 520 00:39:26,578 --> 00:39:29,402 - It's very quiet today. - It's because she's not here. 521 00:39:29,525 --> 00:39:31,535 - Who? - Joanna. She's gone. 522 00:39:31,665 --> 00:39:33,917 Oh. Where? 523 00:39:34,048 --> 00:39:37,964 - Yeah, where has she gone? - I've actually no idea. 524 00:39:38,086 --> 00:39:43,495 I actually think she may not be coming back. I'm a bit psychic now. 525 00:39:46,122 --> 00:39:48,096 Arsehole! 526 00:39:49,836 --> 00:39:51,811 See? 527 00:40:19,799 --> 00:40:22,785 What the fuck did those people do in this bin? 528 00:40:22,908 --> 00:40:26,698 Entertain themselves, I suspect. 529 00:40:27,834 --> 00:40:30,774 - Uh, bezique? - No. 530 00:40:30,903 --> 00:40:32,350 - Pontoon? - No. 531 00:40:32,478 --> 00:40:33,971 - Kipper? - No. 532 00:40:34,093 --> 00:40:36,344 - Uh, whist? - No. 533 00:40:36,476 --> 00:40:38,727 - P-pommes frites? - No. 534 00:40:38,858 --> 00:40:41,315 - My lady's hat? - No. 535 00:40:41,442 --> 00:40:43,980 Or horse... horses? 536 00:40:44,107 --> 00:40:45,313 No. 537 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:47,576 There's the... there's the thimble? 538 00:40:47,701 --> 00:40:49,998 - No. - No, right, OK. 539 00:40:50,124 --> 00:40:52,501 More strange. Pel... 540 00:40:52,628 --> 00:40:54,798 - Pelham's return? - No. 541 00:40:54,929 --> 00:40:58,398 Right. Well, come on, you must know a game. 542 00:40:58,523 --> 00:41:00,498 Um... 543 00:41:01,955 --> 00:41:03,930 Hide it, Larry? 544 00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,585 - Do you know any games? - Poker. 545 00:41:09,708 --> 00:41:11,718 Poker it is, right. Poker. 546 00:41:45,929 --> 00:41:48,754 - Right, pair of queens. What have you got? - That. 547 00:41:48,877 --> 00:41:52,621 - Yeah, well, I win. - Do you? Right. Bad luck. 548 00:41:52,754 --> 00:41:54,442 - Take something off. - Pardon? 549 00:41:54,571 --> 00:41:56,224 Take something off. 550 00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:58,759 - Take something off. - Oh. 551 00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:01,062 Right, OK. Off it goes. 552 00:42:02,162 --> 00:42:06,112 Right, well, I can see where this is leading. 553 00:42:26,754 --> 00:42:28,924 Now wash your hands. 554 00:42:34,264 --> 00:42:37,330 I don't know why you're smiling. What's there to smile about? 555 00:42:37,454 --> 00:42:40,153 I wasn't smiling, I've got indigestion. 556 00:42:40,281 --> 00:42:45,117 - Can you stop moping about? Life goes on. - Yeah, well, not for Mac, it won't. 557 00:42:45,248 --> 00:42:48,072 Let's not turn this into a who's-sadder-than-who contest. 558 00:42:48,196 --> 00:42:52,273 - Yeah, well, no one's sadder than me. - Eureka. 559 00:42:52,395 --> 00:42:55,220 Anyway, you promised him you wouldn't tell anyone. 560 00:42:55,343 --> 00:42:58,444 Um, I... I was drunk, actually. I had to tell people. 561 00:42:58,573 --> 00:43:03,213 The main thing was that I didn't tell Caroline. He was very clear about that. 562 00:43:03,338 --> 00:43:07,048 So as long as you, Boyce and Sue White keep your big mouths shut, 563 00:43:07,174 --> 00:43:10,884 he'll die a happy ginger bunny. 564 00:43:11,010 --> 00:43:13,755 Gollum, will you stop whimpering, for Christ's sake! 565 00:43:13,877 --> 00:43:17,460 It's all right for you, you haven't got any feelings! 566 00:43:17,592 --> 00:43:22,347 For the rest of us, it actually hurts. It hurts that my best friend is dying, OK? 567 00:43:22,478 --> 00:43:27,199 I love Mac. I don't care if you say, "Oh, that's poofy", because I-I don't care. 568 00:43:27,324 --> 00:43:31,240 He was there for me all the time. Now he's not going to be there for me ever again. 569 00:43:31,362 --> 00:43:35,025 You say, "Oh, Mac's my best friend," yeah? I don't see you really bothered 570 00:43:35,158 --> 00:43:38,385 by the fact that your friend's going to die in a couple of weeks. 571 00:43:38,509 --> 00:43:41,656 You're more concerned in letting us know how great you've done 572 00:43:41,780 --> 00:43:45,249 in not letting Caroline know that he's dying. Well, well done, you! 573 00:43:45,374 --> 00:43:47,544 Ow! 574 00:43:50,664 --> 00:43:52,834 Is Mac dying? 575 00:43:57,972 --> 00:43:59,304 - No. - Is Mac dying? 576 00:43:59,426 --> 00:44:00,838 Yeah. 577 00:44:00,961 --> 00:44:04,026 You said you wouldn't tell Caroline! 578 00:44:08,471 --> 00:44:10,481 I... Hey, oi! 579 00:44:10,611 --> 00:44:13,677 Oh, bloody fiancées! 580 00:44:21,110 --> 00:44:24,176 Any ideas? Anybody want to have a go? 581 00:44:24,300 --> 00:44:26,195 OK, Herbie, what do you think? 582 00:44:26,319 --> 00:44:28,938 - "Hickory Dickory Dock"? - Very close. 583 00:44:29,065 --> 00:44:32,453 It was actually "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran. Very good. 584 00:44:32,578 --> 00:44:36,770 - Can I ask you something? - This is Caroline. She has a question for us. 585 00:44:36,899 --> 00:44:40,930 Why didn't you tell me you were dying? Sorry, this isn't really a hands-up... 586 00:44:41,058 --> 00:44:45,135 No, this is very good, very good. I'd like to hear. Courtney, what do you think? 587 00:44:45,258 --> 00:44:47,347 Was it because you had a sore throat? 588 00:44:47,478 --> 00:44:52,727 That's... that's a very good answer. I like it, yeah. Not quite right. Caroline? 589 00:44:52,849 --> 00:44:55,100 Is it true that you're... 590 00:44:55,231 --> 00:44:57,241 d-y-i-n-g of? 591 00:44:57,372 --> 00:44:59,749 Y-e-s. 592 00:45:01,410 --> 00:45:03,787 Why didn't you tell me? 593 00:45:05,973 --> 00:45:08,350 Because I thought you wouldn't like it. 594 00:45:08,476 --> 00:45:10,451 I don't. 595 00:45:12,878 --> 00:45:16,105 Caroline's a little bit upset today because... 596 00:45:16,229 --> 00:45:21,753 Well, she's sad because Ginger, her little hamster, 597 00:45:21,882 --> 00:45:24,213 is not very well at the moment. 598 00:45:25,274 --> 00:45:27,652 Is that why Ginger didn't want to get married? 599 00:45:27,778 --> 00:45:28,742 No. 600 00:45:28,868 --> 00:45:33,910 Ginger just thought maybe it would be better for you to marry a different type of hamster, 601 00:45:34,037 --> 00:45:36,414 a hamster with dark, curly fur, 602 00:45:36,540 --> 00:45:41,214 one that would go round and round the wheel for years and years. 603 00:45:42,274 --> 00:45:45,857 You're not gonna get away with this, you know. 604 00:45:55,559 --> 00:45:57,937 He's just gone, just... 605 00:45:59,032 --> 00:46:02,052 He's just gone. He's just disappeared. I don't know... 606 00:46:02,182 --> 00:46:05,363 It's great, isn't it? No more C-3PO wandering around the hospital. 607 00:46:05,493 --> 00:46:10,087 Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't miss him or anything. I mean, his big stupid face 608 00:46:10,217 --> 00:46:14,168 and the curl of his moustache 609 00:46:14,296 --> 00:46:16,432 in the wind. 610 00:46:18,657 --> 00:46:22,239 Right, I'll put in a few calls, see if I can track him down. 611 00:46:22,372 --> 00:46:24,220 - Really? Yeah. - Yeah. 612 00:46:24,350 --> 00:46:26,969 - Great. Thanks. Thanks. - Uh-uh! 613 00:46:27,096 --> 00:46:30,117 You must not leave until you've paid the piper. 614 00:46:30,246 --> 00:46:32,737 - Really? - Really. 615 00:46:32,871 --> 00:46:34,364 How much? 616 00:46:34,486 --> 00:46:37,552 - A bushel. - A bushel of what? 617 00:46:37,676 --> 00:46:41,224 I don't know. Just surprise me. Run along. 618 00:46:47,690 --> 00:46:51,400 No. No! Not until you do your forfeit. 619 00:46:59,602 --> 00:47:04,001 Come on, then, you bandy-legged scrote. See if you can keep up. 620 00:47:14,341 --> 00:47:16,477 Thank you. I think we've seen enough. 621 00:47:16,602 --> 00:47:18,658 We'll let you know. 622 00:47:22,094 --> 00:47:24,069 - Joanna Clore? - Yes. 623 00:47:24,194 --> 00:47:27,857 Would you drop your trousers please? 624 00:47:37,963 --> 00:47:41,351 It was bad enough when they let you operate when you'd lost your memory. 625 00:47:41,476 --> 00:47:43,371 Mm-hm. When was that? 626 00:47:43,495 --> 00:47:45,907 When you... when you lost your memory. 627 00:47:46,968 --> 00:47:49,380 - Did I? - That's not funny, OK? 628 00:47:49,512 --> 00:47:54,312 Don't even joke about that cos you're scaring me. I mean, I'm sc... We're scared. 629 00:47:54,438 --> 00:47:56,528 - I'm not scared. - She's just saying that. 630 00:47:56,659 --> 00:47:59,244 - Cos you know her so well? - I do know her so well, actually. 631 00:47:59,365 --> 00:48:01,420 - She doesn't want to hurt you. - Whereas you do. 632 00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:05,094 No, just where's our guarantee you won't conk out in the middle of this? 633 00:48:05,220 --> 00:48:08,930 Your guarantee? Did you not get it? It was in the box. Did you fill it our and send it off? 634 00:48:09,056 --> 00:48:11,066 You could well be a liability. 635 00:48:11,196 --> 00:48:15,112 It's very clear, Guy. Mac's condition is irrelevant at the moment. 636 00:48:15,234 --> 00:48:17,933 He's able to work if he so wishes, and that's what he's chosen. 637 00:48:18,061 --> 00:48:21,885 Well, that's just completely mad, isn't it? I mean, that's just ridiculous. 638 00:48:22,018 --> 00:48:27,014 If you know you're gonna die, you know you're gonna die, you've just got carte blanche. 639 00:48:27,146 --> 00:48:30,488 You've just got carte blanche! You could do anything you like. 640 00:48:30,619 --> 00:48:33,076 That's fucking brilliant! That is brilliant. 641 00:48:33,203 --> 00:48:36,224 You could do any... You could throw yappy dogs into the river. 642 00:48:36,353 --> 00:48:39,982 You could trip up old people. You could... 643 00:48:40,108 --> 00:48:44,748 You could hide in nuns' dressing rooms and see if they wear petticoats under their... 644 00:48:44,873 --> 00:48:46,527 under their... under their... 645 00:48:46,650 --> 00:48:50,038 If you were that sort of person, you could do that. 646 00:48:50,163 --> 00:48:53,103 If you were that sort of... If you... lf. 647 00:48:56,785 --> 00:48:58,520 Hi. 648 00:48:58,643 --> 00:49:00,617 - Any news? - Bushel. 649 00:49:00,743 --> 00:49:03,407 Yeah. I couldn't get a bushel so I got a furlong. 650 00:49:03,529 --> 00:49:05,665 A furlong of bras. 651 00:49:19,156 --> 00:49:20,810 - Well, that is impressive. - Yeah. 652 00:49:20,933 --> 00:49:23,712 - I'm... I'm... I'm impressed. - Thanks. 653 00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:27,067 - OK, I've got some information. Ready for it? - Yeah. 654 00:49:27,192 --> 00:49:29,890 - Yeah? Can you take it? Take it like a man? - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 655 00:49:30,018 --> 00:49:32,958 - Yep? On the chin? - OK. 656 00:49:33,087 --> 00:49:37,084 Right. According to my sources, he's untrackdownable. 657 00:49:37,206 --> 00:49:39,261 - What? - Out of range. 658 00:49:39,386 --> 00:49:40,512 - What? - Gone. 659 00:49:40,638 --> 00:49:42,728 Oh. What? 660 00:49:42,859 --> 00:49:44,513 Gonnnne. 661 00:49:44,636 --> 00:49:46,852 He's... 662 00:49:46,978 --> 00:49:49,229 gone. 663 00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:51,852 No Statham, no bushel. 664 00:49:51,985 --> 00:49:54,155 - Furlong. - Furlong. 665 00:50:07,652 --> 00:50:09,225 Steady, steady. 666 00:50:09,348 --> 00:50:11,358 That's it. Steady as she goes. 667 00:50:11,489 --> 00:50:13,303 That's it. 668 00:50:13,427 --> 00:50:16,172 That's it. No, no. Come on. Come on. 669 00:50:16,294 --> 00:50:18,878 Up. No. Come on. 670 00:50:18,999 --> 00:50:22,582 Oh, for fuck's sake! I said a fucking chicken! 671 00:50:22,714 --> 00:50:25,654 No, I... It's all I could find. Come on, you bloody thing! 672 00:50:25,783 --> 00:50:27,873 Come on. Hup. Hupsy. 673 00:50:28,004 --> 00:50:29,290 Hupsy. Hupsy. 674 00:50:29,417 --> 00:50:33,288 - All right, let's do it this way, then. - Get the bloody thing in. 675 00:50:33,415 --> 00:50:35,470 Go on. Hup. Hup. 676 00:50:35,596 --> 00:50:39,511 That's it, come on. Up you go. Up you go. There we are. 677 00:50:40,885 --> 00:50:42,814 Drive! 678 00:50:57,401 --> 00:51:00,467 How would you like to be my best man? 679 00:51:03,862 --> 00:51:09,915 - I don't think Caroline would be too pleased. - No, that's my problem, not yours. 680 00:51:13,512 --> 00:51:16,131 I would be honoured. 681 00:51:16,258 --> 00:51:19,681 That's great. That is great. Oh. 682 00:51:19,812 --> 00:51:23,360 - Thank you. I'll put your name on the list. - Excuse me? 683 00:51:23,486 --> 00:51:27,116 Draw takes place a week before the wedding. Should your name be first out the hat, 684 00:51:27,242 --> 00:51:32,283 you will be notified by email and/or text. Be lucky. It could be you. 685 00:51:38,185 --> 00:51:40,596 This office is now closed until further notice. 686 00:51:40,729 --> 00:51:44,840 All enquiries should now be directed up your arse. 687 00:51:44,969 --> 00:51:47,713 - There. I've just ordered some kittens. - What? 688 00:51:47,836 --> 00:51:51,832 - I've just ordered some kittens on account. - Nice. 689 00:52:00,273 --> 00:52:02,247 I... No, I... I... 690 00:52:02,372 --> 00:52:05,071 Um... Oh! 691 00:52:05,199 --> 00:52:07,978 No, I can't do it. I won't. 692 00:52:08,106 --> 00:52:09,955 Here. 693 00:52:12,871 --> 00:52:14,237 No. No, I can't! 694 00:52:14,365 --> 00:52:17,788 Well, you should have thought about that before you stole it. 695 00:52:17,919 --> 00:52:20,055 Just club it. I'm starving. 696 00:52:20,180 --> 00:52:23,246 Look at its lovely black eyes. It's so... it's so trusting. 697 00:52:23,370 --> 00:52:27,608 It just wants to be with its sheepie friends. Don't you? 698 00:52:28,902 --> 00:52:32,049 Are you a sheepie friend? Are you? 699 00:52:32,173 --> 00:52:34,309 Let's cuddle. 700 00:52:35,848 --> 00:52:38,949 - Come on. Come on. Let's go to the van. - Have you got a stiffie? 701 00:52:39,078 --> 00:52:42,419 Oh, off we go. Hup. Off we go. 702 00:52:42,551 --> 00:52:44,525 It's all right. 703 00:52:45,781 --> 00:52:47,917 Come on. Hupsy, hupsy. 704 00:52:58,299 --> 00:53:02,376 - Just passing. - How'd you know you'd find me here? 705 00:53:02,498 --> 00:53:05,600 - I thought about something you said once. - Yeah? 706 00:53:05,729 --> 00:53:07,784 Yeah. You were talking about your childhood 707 00:53:07,909 --> 00:53:10,975 and how your parents took you to this old boathouse on a lake 708 00:53:11,099 --> 00:53:14,568 cos the car broke down and they were too tired to argue for the first time in years 709 00:53:14,693 --> 00:53:16,909 and you all watched the sun go down in silence. 710 00:53:17,035 --> 00:53:19,413 It was the only time you'd done something as a family. 711 00:53:19,539 --> 00:53:23,168 And after you told me, you fell asleep and I cried for about three hours. 712 00:53:23,294 --> 00:53:26,556 - Wow. - Indeed. 713 00:53:26,686 --> 00:53:29,465 It wasn't me. 714 00:53:29,594 --> 00:53:32,580 - No? - My parents never really argued, 715 00:53:32,703 --> 00:53:37,951 my dad kept the car in full working order, and I've never been here before in my life. 716 00:53:41,627 --> 00:53:45,497 Justin Havermann. I went out with him about five years ago. 717 00:53:45,624 --> 00:53:49,977 - Did his parents argue a lot? - Yeah, yeah. That's who I was thinking of. 718 00:53:50,107 --> 00:53:52,081 - Still... - Yeah. 719 00:53:59,394 --> 00:54:02,736 - Anyway, glad I found you. - I'm glad I found you. 720 00:54:02,867 --> 00:54:05,037 - I found you first. - Oh, let's not argue. 721 00:54:05,168 --> 00:54:08,637 We'll end up like Justin Havermann's parents. 722 00:54:11,185 --> 00:54:13,436 I wanted us to end up like parents, Mac. I did. 723 00:54:13,567 --> 00:54:18,207 Not with children with names like Justin, obviously, but... What am I gonna do? 724 00:54:18,332 --> 00:54:20,067 You're gonna... 725 00:54:21,119 --> 00:54:25,115 - You're gonna take the long-term option. - Yeah, but that can't be right. 726 00:54:25,237 --> 00:54:29,992 Of course it's right. You're perfect for each other. You are completely wonderful. 727 00:54:30,123 --> 00:54:33,351 And he is a complete twat. 728 00:54:33,475 --> 00:54:35,772 It's got to work. 729 00:54:35,898 --> 00:54:37,987 Hasn't it? 730 00:54:39,492 --> 00:54:43,281 Well, yeah. On paper, it can't fail. 731 00:54:49,465 --> 00:54:51,877 I just wanted you to know. 732 00:54:52,938 --> 00:54:55,557 I knew. 733 00:54:55,684 --> 00:54:57,659 I know. 734 00:54:59,116 --> 00:55:01,895 - We'd better be getting back. - Yeah. 735 00:55:07,233 --> 00:55:12,308 I can't really take you anywhere without a helmet. Bit dangerous. 736 00:55:13,451 --> 00:55:14,979 Yeah. 737 00:55:15,107 --> 00:55:18,046 I only parked the car over there and I'd have to come back, so... 738 00:55:18,176 --> 00:55:19,944 Yeah. 739 00:55:21,971 --> 00:55:24,831 - See you. - See you. See you. 740 00:55:36,306 --> 00:55:38,396 - What are you doing? - Disguising my voice. 741 00:55:38,527 --> 00:55:40,020 - What? - Dis... 742 00:55:40,142 --> 00:55:43,484 Disguising my voice. I'm the hunter-gatherer here, remember. 743 00:55:43,615 --> 00:55:45,993 - Just get on with it. - Right, I'm not prepared. 744 00:55:46,119 --> 00:55:48,093 Just go on. Go on. 745 00:56:06,470 --> 00:56:08,801 Can I help you? 746 00:56:10,549 --> 00:56:13,225 Are you all right? 747 00:56:13,658 --> 00:56:16,598 Would you like a glass of water? 748 00:56:30,577 --> 00:56:33,115 Oh, wanking cow turds! 749 00:56:33,242 --> 00:56:36,906 Stop what you're doing and step away from the cripple. 750 00:56:37,038 --> 00:56:40,265 - Come on. - No, I've got it under control. 751 00:56:40,390 --> 00:56:42,721 I was quite worried. He was going blue. 752 00:56:42,853 --> 00:56:45,069 Oh, that's normal for him. He's half Smurf. 753 00:56:45,195 --> 00:56:47,686 This is totally under control, so you back off. 754 00:56:47,820 --> 00:56:50,921 - Right. This is my robbery. - This is meant to be a robbery? 755 00:56:51,050 --> 00:56:54,277 Not "meant to be". It bloody is a robbery! I'm... I'm a... 756 00:56:54,402 --> 00:56:56,411 I'm a maniac! So, you be... 757 00:56:56,542 --> 00:57:00,205 I've killed a man and I'm... I'm... I'm out of control! 758 00:57:00,337 --> 00:57:01,991 Oh, you bloody... 759 00:57:02,114 --> 00:57:04,893 You bloody! 760 00:57:07,969 --> 00:57:12,081 So let's go through this again, OK? The champagne represents what you want to do, 761 00:57:12,209 --> 00:57:14,023 which is marry Caroline. 762 00:57:14,147 --> 00:57:17,650 Ah, Bollinger Grande Année, vintage 1997. 763 00:57:17,782 --> 00:57:23,513 Now, this, this represents what you should do. Which is? 764 00:57:23,637 --> 00:57:26,461 - Find out what she really wants. - Bitter. 765 00:57:26,585 --> 00:57:31,098 No, it's ale. Real ale with beards and twigs in it. So come on, let's give it a go. 766 00:57:31,228 --> 00:57:35,018 Right. What I wanna do, what I should do. 767 00:57:35,145 --> 00:57:38,648 - What I wanna do, what I should do. - Should do. 768 00:57:38,779 --> 00:57:41,157 OK, Guy. Do the right thing. 769 00:57:41,283 --> 00:57:44,384 - You can do it. - I can do the right thing. 770 00:57:49,117 --> 00:57:51,528 - You didn't even try. - I did! 771 00:57:51,661 --> 00:57:56,783 How am I supposed to do something that I don't want to do? It's madness! 772 00:57:56,910 --> 00:58:02,722 - That'll be £16.20 please. - Right, here's 5, 10, 15, and I... 773 00:58:02,846 --> 00:58:05,097 What? She's supposed to be giving you the money. 774 00:58:05,228 --> 00:58:08,938 Well, she gave me the money and I'm using it to pay... 775 00:58:09,993 --> 00:58:13,094 Oh, very clever. Hm? Very clever. 776 00:58:13,224 --> 00:58:18,185 Sorry, but you have to get up pretty bloody early in the morning to trick Alan St... 777 00:58:18,311 --> 00:58:20,448 Stath... Not his name, there. 778 00:58:20,573 --> 00:58:23,961 Look, she's fucking with us. You take care of her whilst I get the stuff. 779 00:58:24,086 --> 00:58:27,715 Right. All right. Um... Right. 780 00:58:27,841 --> 00:58:31,344 How are you? Would you like a cup of tea? 781 00:58:31,475 --> 00:58:34,381 Take care of her! You know, do something. Sit on her. 782 00:58:34,504 --> 00:58:39,339 - Just stop her from making any false moves. - Right, come on, you. Over here. 783 00:58:39,471 --> 00:58:41,767 Come on, lie down. On the floor, you. 784 00:58:41,893 --> 00:58:46,292 Don't move. No moving! No false move. Right, lie. Still. 785 00:58:48,072 --> 00:58:49,599 Got her. She's still. 786 00:58:50,696 --> 00:58:52,189 - Right. - Wanna. Should. 787 00:58:52,312 --> 00:58:54,321 Wanna. Should. 788 00:58:55,380 --> 00:58:57,355 - Use my left hand. - Nice. 789 00:58:57,480 --> 00:58:59,087 Ready? 790 00:59:00,145 --> 00:59:04,061 Cos it's unsullied by former disappointments. 791 00:59:04,183 --> 00:59:06,480 In we go. 792 00:59:06,606 --> 00:59:08,213 Yes. 793 00:59:11,331 --> 00:59:12,984 And again. 794 00:59:17,953 --> 00:59:20,169 - Right. OK, we can go. - Right. 795 00:59:20,295 --> 00:59:22,707 Right. Come on, you. Up you get. Come on. 796 00:59:22,839 --> 00:59:25,090 - Come on. Up you get. Up, up. Hup. - Is she all right? 797 00:59:25,221 --> 00:59:26,749 - Yes. Oh, yes. She... - Is she? 798 00:59:26,877 --> 00:59:32,125 Yes, yes. Yes, she's fine. She's just probably having a rest, you know. I believe. 799 00:59:32,247 --> 00:59:37,209 If everything's fine and you don't want to be disturbed, just lie there and say nothing. 800 00:59:37,335 --> 00:59:40,999 There, she's fine. Absolutely fine. Straight from the horse's mouth. 801 00:59:41,131 --> 00:59:43,106 Alan, she's dead. 802 00:59:46,219 --> 00:59:48,883 Oh, my crikey. I've sat on her to death. 803 00:59:51,670 --> 00:59:55,460 Right. We're gonna have to hide the body. 804 01:00:01,402 --> 01:00:03,377 Oh, my God! 805 01:00:15,010 --> 01:00:16,376 - Last time. - This is the one. 806 01:00:16,504 --> 01:00:20,696 - This is the one. - What I wanna do, what I should do. 807 01:00:23,288 --> 01:00:24,861 Yes. 808 01:00:26,195 --> 01:00:28,411 Haven't you got that yet? 809 01:00:29,668 --> 01:00:31,838 That feels better. 810 01:00:39,218 --> 01:00:41,113 What shall I do today? 811 01:00:41,237 --> 01:00:46,037 Will it be the five-star hotel with minibar and chocolates on the pillow? 812 01:00:46,163 --> 01:00:49,586 Or maybe the hairdresser's, get my shabby roots done. 813 01:00:49,717 --> 01:00:52,703 Yes, or maybe emptying the lavvy bucket. It is your turn. 814 01:00:52,826 --> 01:00:54,836 And, may I stress, no solids please. 815 01:00:54,966 --> 01:00:58,354 - You do it. - No. No! I will not do it. It is your turn. 816 01:00:58,479 --> 01:01:00,328 So... 817 01:01:01,629 --> 01:01:04,453 Right. Have you done solids? 818 01:01:04,577 --> 01:01:08,206 I'm not traipsing into the woods. I'm not a bloody animal. 819 01:01:08,332 --> 01:01:11,192 Typi... Right. That's your last warning. 820 01:01:11,320 --> 01:01:14,019 Or shall I just count shitty cows all day? 821 01:01:14,147 --> 01:01:16,157 - Come on. The world is our oyster. - Oyster? 822 01:01:16,287 --> 01:01:17,285 - Yes, oyster. - Oyster? 823 01:01:17,418 --> 01:01:19,875 - Oyster. - What sort of oyster are you talking about? 824 01:01:20,002 --> 01:01:23,665 Are you talking about the £6.50 we've got left in cash? 825 01:01:23,798 --> 01:01:25,692 No sodding clothes. 826 01:01:25,817 --> 01:01:28,722 Oh, actually, no sodding home and no sodding job, 827 01:01:28,845 --> 01:01:31,750 no sodding life cos we're wanted for sodding murder. 828 01:01:31,874 --> 01:01:35,824 Oh, dear. Oh, dear me. Bit of a morbid Mary this morning, aren't we? What's the matter? 829 01:01:35,952 --> 01:01:38,777 - Got out of bed the wrong side? - Like there's a choice of sides. 830 01:01:38,900 --> 01:01:42,610 Oh, you bloody shitty cow! 831 01:01:42,736 --> 01:01:44,505 Oh, you bloody shitty ponce! 832 01:01:44,634 --> 01:01:48,665 No, not you. The shitty, patty-poohing... 833 01:01:50,529 --> 01:01:52,539 bloody shitter! 834 01:01:52,669 --> 01:01:54,644 Right. Which one was it? 835 01:01:54,769 --> 01:01:56,698 You shitters! 836 01:01:56,829 --> 01:01:58,482 Come on. 837 01:01:58,605 --> 01:02:01,867 Come on. Who was it? Was it you? Brownie? Blackie? 838 01:02:01,997 --> 01:02:04,857 Right. Come on. 839 01:02:04,985 --> 01:02:07,891 There! You bloody shitter! 840 01:02:08,014 --> 01:02:12,332 That's what it's like. Yes, you see. The boot's on the other shoe now. Hoof! Isn't it? 841 01:02:12,456 --> 01:02:14,833 You hypocrite! 842 01:02:14,959 --> 01:02:17,899 Go on. Take the bloody poohs and wees. 843 01:02:21,380 --> 01:02:23,837 I don't believe it! Bloody sh! 844 01:02:25,418 --> 01:02:27,554 It's not funny! 845 01:02:33,655 --> 01:02:36,112 Halt! 846 01:02:36,240 --> 01:02:40,317 - This office is out of bounds. - We're in quarantine. 847 01:02:40,439 --> 01:02:41,805 Sorry. 848 01:02:41,933 --> 01:02:44,311 No, we are not! 849 01:02:45,487 --> 01:02:47,461 I slipped. 850 01:02:52,311 --> 01:02:55,492 We'd very much like you to take over on a temporary basis. 851 01:02:55,622 --> 01:02:58,562 - Say, for a couple of weeks. - Temporary? 852 01:02:58,691 --> 01:03:03,365 Yeah, well, we will be looking to advertise the position. 853 01:03:03,496 --> 01:03:08,492 Well, I thought once Joanna had left Human Resources, I'd be considered for the job. 854 01:03:08,624 --> 01:03:12,127 Yeah, well, the job specifications do... do change over time, 855 01:03:12,259 --> 01:03:14,474 and, of course, you know, people change. 856 01:03:14,601 --> 01:03:18,919 - Well, what have you got against me? - It's not... it's not a question of that, really. 857 01:03:19,042 --> 01:03:22,993 I'm overqualified, I'm a people person. I mean, I think you'll agree, I'm... 858 01:03:23,121 --> 01:03:25,257 You know, I'm good at dealing with people. 859 01:03:25,382 --> 01:03:29,861 I'm more than aware of your track record, it's just we're looking for someone a little less... 860 01:03:29,985 --> 01:03:31,673 - Attractive? - No. 861 01:03:31,803 --> 01:03:33,973 Well, say it. It's what you're thinking. 862 01:03:34,104 --> 01:03:36,160 - It really wasn't. - What is it? Is it my hair? 863 01:03:36,285 --> 01:03:38,019 - No. - Is it my telephone manner? 864 01:03:38,142 --> 01:03:41,887 No. There's... there's all sorts of factors involved, so... 865 01:03:42,019 --> 01:03:44,189 - Would you like some hazelnuts? - No, I wouldn't. 866 01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,065 Well... well... 867 01:03:47,187 --> 01:03:49,117 Well, fuck off, then! 868 01:03:49,247 --> 01:03:52,715 Yeah, now you're getting warmer. 869 01:03:54,860 --> 01:03:57,237 Hello? No, Sue White here. Yes. 870 01:03:57,363 --> 01:04:01,187 I'd really like you to come along and see her. Yes. Mm-hm. Uh-huh. Mm-hm. Uh-huh. 871 01:04:01,320 --> 01:04:03,135 Yes, thank you very much. 872 01:04:03,259 --> 01:04:07,416 What's wrong with that? Nothing! 873 01:04:12,950 --> 01:04:17,348 - That's really silly. What if we get thirsty? - You can use the taps. 874 01:04:17,473 --> 01:04:21,503 - The taps are out there. - Oh, that's great team spirit, that is. 875 01:04:21,632 --> 01:04:24,893 I don't mind a totem pole, just put the water at the bottom. 876 01:04:25,024 --> 01:04:27,320 - That would look stupid. - I don't think it would. 877 01:04:27,446 --> 01:04:32,776 - Who cares what you think, runty? - Who cares what you think, titty? 878 01:04:38,914 --> 01:04:41,499 Rachel, could you get off there? I built that podium. 879 01:04:41,620 --> 01:04:43,951 Fuck you, chubby! 880 01:04:44,083 --> 01:04:46,621 - I captured it. It's mine. - Right. 881 01:04:46,748 --> 01:04:49,769 You're all just stupid girls! 882 01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:53,928 Bloody fuzz. 883 01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:56,227 It's the bloody fuzz! 884 01:04:56,359 --> 01:04:58,333 Act normal. 885 01:05:14,045 --> 01:05:19,454 Can you take the keys out of the ignition and step out of the vehicle, please, sir? 886 01:05:19,577 --> 01:05:23,448 - All right. Oh! - It's all right. Sir, sir. I just want a word. 887 01:05:23,575 --> 01:05:26,113 Look, if this is about the pooh on the cow, 888 01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:28,824 can I just say that the cow started it? 889 01:05:28,945 --> 01:05:31,116 Is this your vehicle, sir? 890 01:05:31,247 --> 01:05:34,313 - What? This one? - Yes, sir. 891 01:05:36,900 --> 01:05:38,266 Yes. 892 01:05:38,394 --> 01:05:41,460 Can you tell me the registration number, please? 893 01:05:41,584 --> 01:05:43,755 What? Of this vehicle? 894 01:05:43,886 --> 01:05:46,377 - Yes, sir. - Front or back? 895 01:05:46,511 --> 01:05:48,727 Both. 896 01:05:48,853 --> 01:05:50,908 - Uh-uh. - Um... 897 01:05:51,962 --> 01:05:56,441 Has it got consonants? Is it a number? Is there a vowel? 898 01:05:57,010 --> 01:05:59,594 Can I see your driving licence and your insurance? 899 01:05:59,715 --> 01:06:03,631 Well, yes, yes, yes, if you had powerful telescopic vision. 900 01:06:03,753 --> 01:06:08,072 - All right, I'm arresting you on suspicion of... - Is there a problem, Officer? 901 01:06:09,983 --> 01:06:11,135 50303. 902 01:06:11,264 --> 01:06:16,914 In the van. Five minutes with my lovely sister and we'll forget all about the arrest? 903 01:06:17,038 --> 01:06:19,415 She's got a nice bottom. Yes? 904 01:06:19,542 --> 01:06:22,643 No, thank you, sir. 50303... 905 01:06:22,772 --> 01:06:25,356 Do something. Do something! 906 01:06:26,568 --> 01:06:28,336 05... 907 01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:32,658 Stop. What are you... what are you doing? 908 01:06:32,786 --> 01:06:35,692 - It's peanut butter. - What? 909 01:06:35,815 --> 01:06:39,398 He might have a nut allergy. He could get that anaphylactic shock thing. 910 01:06:39,530 --> 01:06:43,033 Are you aware of the percentage of the population that suffers from a nut allergy? 911 01:06:43,164 --> 01:06:44,852 - No. - It's tiny. Absolutely tiny. 912 01:06:44,981 --> 01:06:47,473 What were you thinking of? You've made it worse. 913 01:06:47,606 --> 01:06:51,763 - Well, you told me to do something. - Well, not just gratuitous smearing! 914 01:06:54,915 --> 01:06:56,889 Oh, my God! 915 01:06:58,872 --> 01:07:01,203 You see? You see? He's going blotchy. 916 01:07:01,335 --> 01:07:04,401 - That's unbeliev... You are so lucky. So lucky! - No, no. 917 01:07:04,525 --> 01:07:06,902 No, instinct. Some of us have it, some of us don't. 918 01:07:07,029 --> 01:07:09,889 We can't just leave him there. Put him... put him somewhere. 919 01:07:10,017 --> 01:07:13,244 - Someone will find him. Oh, my God! - Just get him in the van. 920 01:07:13,368 --> 01:07:15,746 Oh, my God! Jesus! 921 01:07:19,223 --> 01:07:21,198 Hello? 922 01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:28,019 Anyone here? 923 01:07:28,147 --> 01:07:31,616 - Bloody women! - Kill the doctor. 924 01:07:31,741 --> 01:07:34,969 Kill the doctor. Kill the doctor. 925 01:07:35,093 --> 01:07:38,113 - Actually, he's not a doctor. - Uh, no, I am a doctor. 926 01:07:38,243 --> 01:07:41,630 Kill the doctor. Kill the doctor. 927 01:07:41,756 --> 01:07:43,730 Kill the doctor! 928 01:07:43,855 --> 01:07:46,152 Mum! Help me! No! 929 01:07:46,278 --> 01:07:49,506 I don't think so, little man. Your mummy's gone. 930 01:07:49,630 --> 01:07:52,328 I'm the new mummy on the block. 931 01:08:00,129 --> 01:08:02,666 - Right, you, stand up. - What? 932 01:08:02,794 --> 01:08:05,251 Get up. Come on. I'm worried about my fiancée. 933 01:08:05,378 --> 01:08:07,468 - I'm all right. - No, you are not. Get up! 934 01:08:07,599 --> 01:08:10,987 Whoa! Why? What is your problem? 935 01:08:13,252 --> 01:08:14,779 You have to marry her. 936 01:08:14,908 --> 01:08:18,089 Right, I would, but actually I'm a little bit busy at the moment, dying. 937 01:08:18,219 --> 01:08:20,964 - Guy, what are you doing? - Marry her. Marry her. Marry her. 938 01:08:21,086 --> 01:08:23,946 Marry her. Marry her. Marry her. Marry her. Marry her. Marry her! 939 01:08:24,074 --> 01:08:28,231 - Stop it! - Why? What would be the use? 940 01:08:28,354 --> 01:08:31,179 What would be the... Fuck use! You love her! 941 01:08:31,302 --> 01:08:34,483 She loves you. You have to marry her, end of story. 942 01:08:34,613 --> 01:08:37,841 - Great. What about you? - Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. 943 01:08:37,965 --> 01:08:40,456 As soon as you're dead, I can have her back. Everyone's happy. 944 01:08:40,589 --> 01:08:45,069 - You really are a massive wanker. - Yeah, save the emotional stuff for later. 945 01:08:45,193 --> 01:08:50,361 - "Have her back"? I'm not a family heirloom. - You have some proposing to do. Now. 946 01:08:50,483 --> 01:08:52,974 Or else. 947 01:08:53,107 --> 01:08:55,117 Or else what? 948 01:08:55,247 --> 01:08:57,739 - Or else I'll smash you up. - Please don't do this. 949 01:08:57,872 --> 01:09:01,294 - You're gonna smash me up, are you? - Yeah. Up against the wall if I have to. 950 01:09:01,426 --> 01:09:05,296 - Oh, gosh. And, possibly, crikey. - I mean it. 951 01:09:10,309 --> 01:09:16,718 This actually is slightly about Caroline, isn't it? And not entirely about you. 952 01:09:16,851 --> 01:09:19,675 - Don't pretend I have feelings. - OK, I take that bit back. 953 01:09:19,799 --> 01:09:22,463 Good. Now say, "I love you" and, "Will you marry me?" 954 01:09:22,585 --> 01:09:25,605 I love you and will you marry me? 955 01:09:25,734 --> 01:09:28,031 Not to me. To her. 956 01:09:28,157 --> 01:09:30,742 I love you. Will you mar... 957 01:09:31,953 --> 01:09:34,651 Marry me? 958 01:09:34,780 --> 01:09:36,754 What? 959 01:09:48,105 --> 01:09:50,080 I love you. 960 01:09:52,224 --> 01:09:54,394 Will you marry me? 961 01:10:21,217 --> 01:10:23,674 You know what, Dr Macartney? 962 01:10:25,699 --> 01:10:28,076 I bloody will. 963 01:11:03,212 --> 01:11:06,554 - What's wrong with you? - The unexpectedly sour taste of victory. 964 01:11:06,685 --> 01:11:10,796 Ah, yeah. I always find victory tastes strangely of elderflower. 965 01:11:10,925 --> 01:11:13,336 Right. 966 01:11:13,469 --> 01:11:15,605 I've done a good thing. 967 01:11:15,851 --> 01:11:17,906 I've done a good thing. 968 01:11:18,032 --> 01:11:21,741 - I've done a good thing? - Guy, guess what just happened to me. 969 01:11:21,868 --> 01:11:23,842 That feels better. 970 01:11:50,538 --> 01:11:52,995 Hello? 971 01:11:53,122 --> 01:11:54,569 Hello, hello? Hello? 972 01:11:54,697 --> 01:11:58,728 Hello? Is that Boyce? Hello? 973 01:11:58,856 --> 01:12:00,670 Hello, Dr Statham, is that you? 974 01:12:01,158 --> 01:12:02,685 It's m... 975 01:12:02,813 --> 01:12:04,949 Oh... 976 01:12:05,074 --> 01:12:07,659 # Hello 977 01:12:07,780 --> 01:12:11,007 # Is it me you're looking for? 978 01:12:12,060 --> 01:12:15,241 # I can see it in your eyes 979 01:12:15,371 --> 01:12:19,195 # I can see it in your smile 980 01:12:20,217 --> 01:12:24,214 # You're all I've ever wanted 981 01:12:24,336 --> 01:12:27,437 # And my arms are open wide 982 01:12:27,566 --> 01:12:30,104 Dr Statham, are you serenading me with Lionel Richie? 983 01:12:30,231 --> 01:12:32,241 Boy... Boyce. 984 01:12:32,371 --> 01:12:35,070 No. No, I called to say... 985 01:12:36,288 --> 01:12:37,620 I... 986 01:12:37,742 --> 01:12:40,682 I just called to say that... 987 01:12:40,811 --> 01:12:44,279 the parrot and the parakeet 988 01:12:44,405 --> 01:12:47,953 are flying west by moonlight. 989 01:12:48,079 --> 01:12:50,376 OK. 990 01:12:51,915 --> 01:12:54,293 Bye. 991 01:12:59,022 --> 01:13:02,123 Right, come on. Come on, Alan. 992 01:13:28,621 --> 01:13:30,595 Uh... 993 01:14:03,509 --> 01:14:05,484 Excuse me. 994 01:14:15,139 --> 01:14:17,963 - Coincidence? - Go and get changed. 995 01:14:18,087 --> 01:14:20,142 I can't. It's glued on. 996 01:14:20,267 --> 01:14:22,001 - Brilliant! - I thought so. 997 01:14:25,597 --> 01:14:29,513 That's it, then. No more fucking petrol, no more fucking money, 998 01:14:29,635 --> 01:14:31,851 end of the fucking road. Cheers. 999 01:14:31,977 --> 01:14:35,079 Oh, no, no, my petulant little pessimist. 1000 01:14:35,208 --> 01:14:38,952 - I have been tinkering. - Have you been selling clothes pegs again? 1001 01:14:39,084 --> 01:14:41,622 No, just a bit of basic surgery on the engine. 1002 01:14:41,749 --> 01:14:45,056 You don't know fuck all about engines. Or surgery. 1003 01:14:45,182 --> 01:14:51,556 No, no, bodies and engines are very similar in many ways. I just adapted it to run on biofuel. 1004 01:14:51,683 --> 01:14:54,703 It's using alcohol and fermented excrement. 1005 01:14:54,832 --> 01:14:56,727 You shat in my vodka? 1006 01:14:56,851 --> 01:15:00,159 Well, needs must, my darling. It's all a matter of priorities. 1007 01:15:00,284 --> 01:15:04,361 You bastard! My vodka! You said you didn't know where it had got to. 1008 01:15:04,483 --> 01:15:07,343 All right, just hand in the policeman and claim a reward. 1009 01:15:07,471 --> 01:15:12,961 I don't know, sell the bloody van and buy lots of vodka with the proceeds. I don't know! 1010 01:15:13,084 --> 01:15:16,312 Well, yeah. I suppose that's a thought. 1011 01:15:34,607 --> 01:15:36,858 Oh, my fucksy! 1012 01:15:36,989 --> 01:15:39,367 You twat! 1013 01:15:52,213 --> 01:15:55,876 You're Swiss. You should be wearing lederhosen. 1014 01:15:56,008 --> 01:15:57,857 I can't believe I let you wear a kilt. 1015 01:15:57,987 --> 01:16:01,535 Yeah, well, at least I didn't get mine from Dorothy Perkins. Look at him. 1016 01:16:01,662 --> 01:16:02,867 Yeah. 1017 01:16:02,994 --> 01:16:06,222 Kilts are brilliant. You get to wear a dagger in your sock. How cool is that? 1018 01:16:06,346 --> 01:16:08,320 - Sgian-dhu. - Bless you. 1019 01:16:08,445 --> 01:16:11,626 I did ask the man about maybe getting an Uzi semiautomatic, 1020 01:16:11,757 --> 01:16:14,617 but he said apparently for a wedding a dagger would be better. 1021 01:16:14,745 --> 01:16:17,524 I suppose it's quieter. It's not as efficient, though. 1022 01:16:17,652 --> 01:16:20,557 I could take out everyone here in about 30 seconds. 1023 01:16:20,681 --> 01:16:22,691 Speed dating now, are you? 1024 01:16:22,821 --> 01:16:24,589 Nice. 1025 01:17:06,754 --> 01:17:08,810 Welcome, everyone. 1026 01:17:13,700 --> 01:17:18,776 Yes. Of course, the Namib tribespeople would probably just dig a shallow trench 1027 01:17:18,909 --> 01:17:22,297 and then lie low for a few days. 1028 01:17:23,351 --> 01:17:27,749 Right. Option one, we give ourselves up. 1029 01:17:27,873 --> 01:17:29,722 Next option, please. 1030 01:17:29,852 --> 01:17:34,090 Option two, we try to cross the Channel and start a new life in Spain. 1031 01:17:34,213 --> 01:17:36,877 - Dear, no. Sounds hideous. - Why? What's wrong with Spain? 1032 01:17:36,999 --> 01:17:41,914 Nothing wrong with Spain. It's the Spanish. You know, the sort of sweaty, surly-browed, 1033 01:17:42,047 --> 01:17:45,917 hairy-arsed, siestary, lisping, 1034 01:17:46,044 --> 01:17:48,134 - Catholic... - My mother was a Catholic. 1035 01:17:48,265 --> 01:17:53,101 Yes, well, English Catholics are different. They're not quite so Spanishy. 1036 01:17:53,232 --> 01:17:56,494 Yes, all right, then. Option three, we kill ourselves. 1037 01:17:56,624 --> 01:17:59,403 - Is there an option four? - No. 1038 01:18:01,066 --> 01:18:03,730 Shame. 1039 01:18:03,852 --> 01:18:05,138 Oh, well. 1040 01:18:05,265 --> 01:18:07,321 Death it is, then. 1041 01:18:10,999 --> 01:18:13,411 And so to the vows. 1042 01:18:14,472 --> 01:18:15,884 Do you... 1043 01:18:16,006 --> 01:18:20,405 ...Macartney, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? 1044 01:18:22,831 --> 01:18:24,036 - I do. - No! 1045 01:18:24,163 --> 01:18:25,208 What? 1046 01:18:25,334 --> 01:18:27,872 I wanted to hear his real name. He won't ever tell me. 1047 01:18:27,999 --> 01:18:31,949 - Oh, well, get the man to go back a bit. - Did someone say no? 1048 01:18:32,078 --> 01:18:33,524 Um... 1049 01:18:34,662 --> 01:18:37,682 - Yeah, me. - Did you have an objection? 1050 01:18:37,812 --> 01:18:40,396 No, it's just that I didn't hear earlier, the... 1051 01:18:40,517 --> 01:18:42,814 I wonder if you could rewind and go back and do... 1052 01:18:42,940 --> 01:18:45,236 - Whoa, whoa. Hang on. - Guy, what are you doing? 1053 01:18:45,363 --> 01:18:48,670 Yeah, well, I've changed my mind. Marry me. Don't marry him, marry me. 1054 01:18:48,795 --> 01:18:51,207 - But you said... - Yeah, but look at me in my kilt. 1055 01:18:51,339 --> 01:18:53,153 I look fantastic, and you look OK in that. 1056 01:18:53,277 --> 01:18:58,319 And it's the sky and the arbour and everything. This is the moment. 1057 01:18:58,446 --> 01:19:00,616 - But I do love him. - Yes, right. Yeah. 1058 01:19:00,747 --> 01:19:03,446 - I do. - Yeah. I understand. 1059 01:19:04,503 --> 01:19:08,247 OK. Sorry. Please continue. 1060 01:19:09,348 --> 01:19:13,138 # We're going to die, we're going to die 1061 01:19:13,265 --> 01:19:15,643 # Ee-i-addy-o 1062 01:19:43,793 --> 01:19:46,250 You may kiss the bride. 1063 01:20:07,455 --> 01:20:08,949 Now, then. 1064 01:20:10,040 --> 01:20:14,036 This is for you to swallow. A little key. 1065 01:20:14,159 --> 01:20:16,938 This is for me to swallow. A little soldier. 1066 01:20:17,066 --> 01:20:19,363 - Explain. - For the pathologists. 1067 01:20:19,489 --> 01:20:21,578 Alan, I'm not a bloody Kinder egg! 1068 01:20:21,710 --> 01:20:26,108 Well, imagine them trying to work it all out. Do you see? Eh? 1069 01:20:26,232 --> 01:20:29,138 A small key, a tiny soldier, what's it all about? 1070 01:20:29,261 --> 01:20:31,752 We can drive them insane from beyond the grave. 1071 01:20:31,885 --> 01:20:33,091 - Come on. - Yeah. I like it. 1072 01:20:33,218 --> 01:20:35,595 - Yeah, go on. - Cheers. 1073 01:20:47,755 --> 01:20:50,167 That's got it. 1074 01:20:50,299 --> 01:20:53,159 It's not how I imagined it would be. 1075 01:20:54,337 --> 01:20:57,323 I suppose when I pictured it, there was music. 1076 01:20:57,446 --> 01:21:00,306 I don't know, sort of sad music. 1077 01:21:07,622 --> 01:21:10,562 - Oh... - Oh, do shut up! 1078 01:21:10,691 --> 01:21:12,184 Fair enough. 1079 01:21:13,517 --> 01:21:15,848 You lucky boy. 1080 01:21:15,981 --> 01:21:21,666 You know what they say. Look at the mother and that's what you'll get in 30 years' time. 1081 01:21:21,795 --> 01:21:24,092 Thank God I'm dying. 1082 01:21:31,769 --> 01:21:35,685 Have that. Drink it. It'll put hair on your chest. 1083 01:21:50,263 --> 01:21:53,812 - Hey. Hi. - Hey. Hi. 1084 01:21:53,938 --> 01:21:57,407 Do you remember when we had that fling? 1085 01:21:57,532 --> 01:22:03,297 You know how it is, it's history now, of course. We all have a big laugh about it. 1086 01:22:03,427 --> 01:22:05,563 You know, pretend it never happened. 1087 01:22:05,688 --> 01:22:07,744 - It never happened. - Hm? 1088 01:22:07,869 --> 01:22:11,452 Oh, well, yeah. That's the spirit. 1089 01:22:11,584 --> 01:22:16,143 Anyway, you know, I thought I was going to have to lower my standards a little, 1090 01:22:16,268 --> 01:22:20,425 but can I introduce you to Jeremy? Jeremy, darling. 1091 01:22:21,921 --> 01:22:24,666 - Hi, there. - Hello, mate. Nice to meet you. 1092 01:22:24,788 --> 01:22:27,613 Congratulations. You look stunning. Well, you both do. 1093 01:22:27,736 --> 01:22:31,124 - Thanks very much. - So, um... So who chose the music? 1094 01:22:31,249 --> 01:22:34,556 All right, you're boring us now, Corky. Come on. 1095 01:22:34,681 --> 01:22:37,139 - Bye-bye. Bye-bye. - Hey. 1096 01:22:50,672 --> 01:22:54,863 So, now that you're married, why don't you adopt me? 1097 01:22:54,993 --> 01:22:56,967 No. 1098 01:23:03,190 --> 01:23:06,129 OK? Look, it's gone now. 1099 01:23:14,456 --> 01:23:16,787 - Hey. - Hey. 1100 01:23:17,848 --> 01:23:21,351 So, what are you gonna have on your gravestone? 1101 01:23:22,411 --> 01:23:24,995 I thought maybe vertical stripes. Something slimming. 1102 01:23:25,116 --> 01:23:27,735 - Right. Have you made a will? - I left everything to you. 1103 01:23:27,862 --> 01:23:29,516 Good. That's good. 1104 01:23:29,639 --> 01:23:31,649 - Including your wife... - Except my wife. 1105 01:23:31,779 --> 01:23:36,741 I'm very good with widows. They like me. I'm very sensitive with the recently bereaved. 1106 01:23:36,867 --> 01:23:38,313 - I'm sure you are. - Yeah. 1107 01:23:38,442 --> 01:23:42,680 But I will wait until the wake before I make my move, as a mark of respect. 1108 01:23:42,803 --> 01:23:44,698 Oh. That is really decent of you. 1109 01:23:44,822 --> 01:23:48,772 Because graveside is when I'm at my best. Yeah. 1110 01:23:48,900 --> 01:23:53,012 A handkerchief, a shoulder to cry on, the comforting hug. 1111 01:23:53,140 --> 01:23:55,115 Thanks, mate. 1112 01:23:58,511 --> 01:24:02,829 Oh, and when I... when I make love to my wife tonight, 1113 01:24:02,952 --> 01:24:06,823 I shall smile to myself, safe in the knowledge that after me, 1114 01:24:06,950 --> 01:24:09,166 you will pale into insignificance, 1115 01:24:09,292 --> 01:24:13,002 in that even from beyond the grave I'm a better lay than you. 1116 01:24:13,128 --> 01:24:14,494 - No, you're not. - I am. 1117 01:24:14,622 --> 01:24:16,873 - No, you're not. - Oh, I am. 1118 01:24:17,005 --> 01:24:19,496 - No, you're not. - I am. 1119 01:24:19,629 --> 01:24:21,524 No, you're not. 1120 01:24:21,648 --> 01:24:25,921 Because I fuck better than a dead husband! 1121 01:24:32,511 --> 01:24:35,290 Last one in's a stinky hairdresser. 1122 01:24:50,803 --> 01:24:53,823 That is such a rubbish dance, isn't it? 1123 01:24:53,952 --> 01:24:56,364 I'm Swiss. 1124 01:25:16,283 --> 01:25:18,774 It's amazing. I can't believe we've finally made it. 1125 01:25:18,907 --> 01:25:22,652 - It was only three flights. - You know what I mean. 1126 01:25:23,713 --> 01:25:25,527 Yeah, I do. 1127 01:25:25,651 --> 01:25:28,063 I've always known what you've meant. 1128 01:25:28,195 --> 01:25:31,019 - Have you? - Yep. 1129 01:25:48,143 --> 01:25:51,003 - There's just one thing missing. - What's that? 1130 01:25:51,131 --> 01:25:53,508 No cake. 1131 01:25:53,634 --> 01:25:55,850 - You had cake. - I dropped it. 1132 01:25:55,976 --> 01:25:59,847 - Oh, you want your cake and eat it? - Yes, please. 1133 01:25:59,974 --> 01:26:02,110 OK, then, Mrs Mac. 1134 01:26:04,174 --> 01:26:06,310 Close your eyes and... 1135 01:26:07,364 --> 01:26:09,419 hang on a sec. 1136 01:26:13,138 --> 01:26:15,998 Isn't it funny how things turn out? 1137 01:26:19,033 --> 01:26:20,882 Whoa! Hang on! 1138 01:26:21,012 --> 01:26:22,987 Hold on. 1139 01:26:30,703 --> 01:26:33,402 Where's my bloody cake? 1140 01:26:34,459 --> 01:26:36,227 Whoo! 1141 01:26:46,411 --> 01:26:48,949 Open your eyes! 1142 01:26:49,076 --> 01:26:51,901 OK, I've got you, I've got you. I've got you. I've got you. 1143 01:26:52,024 --> 01:26:53,184 - Hold on! - I've got her. 1144 01:26:53,316 --> 01:26:55,406 - You're not wearing any pants! - Don't look. 1145 01:26:55,537 --> 01:26:57,788 - Look at your growler. - What? 1146 01:27:00,100 --> 01:27:04,579 I spent so long trying to get in there, and look at it! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net