1
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:17,560
Are you still there?

2
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:18,760
Yes, I'm still there.

3
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,080
I just saw a woman

4
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,920
display the suitcases on the street,

5
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,600
go in again and pick up the hand luggage

6
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:28,360
and when she's on her way out, a guy steals the mop bags.

7
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:29,480
Is she Jewish?

8
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,640
Do you really want me to go and ask?

9
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,480
That we are a Jewish newspaper

10
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,320
does not mean that we can not write
about national news.

11
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,760
I need a Jewish angle.

12
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,680
- It's in North London!
-Give me a Jewish angle.

13
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,840
Jews only drive mopeds
on Greek holidays.

14
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,360
A vegan baker has set up a stall in Finchley.

15
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:51,920
-Where do you have the Jewish angle there?
-She agrees to a half-page ad.

16
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,840
How about this, then?

17
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:57,960
Jewish man unfairly punished
for so-called "traffic crime".

18
00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,280
-Who?
-I!

19
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,000
If you notice the slightest trace of anti-Semitism, so be it.

20
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,400
-Okay, I have to hang up.
-Write about the vegan!

21
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,520
Certainly.

22
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,320
To you.

23
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,720
-Bread?
-Not just bread - ready cut.

24
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,560
Frozen?

25
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,840
Almost like you just took it out of the freezer

26
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:23,720
to ask me for a favor.

27
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,520
Can not a sister give her brother
a fucking loaf of bread?

28
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:27,560
What do you do later?

29
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,960
I'm going on a date and need a babysitter.
Please?

30
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,920
I can not. I am busy.

31
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,160
With journalism
or a real job?

32
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,480
I'm going on a blind date.

33
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,080
Mine goes before.

34
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,000
Why?

35
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,440
For I have met him
and he has shown interest

36
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:41,720
and you're lying.

37
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,280
Why did you book a date if you did not have a babysitter?

38
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:46,840
All Jewish teenagers in London

39
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,480
apparently going to a club tonight -
those bastards!

40
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,360
Your sensitive side is really
wasted on HR.

41
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:56,080
Do you love your nephew or not?
See you at 7.30 pm!

42
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,720
-I'm going to think about it.
-No!

43
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,840
Do not throw away the bread. That's good stuff!

44
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,800
Hi, it's me again.

45
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:09,640
You were here yesterday.

46
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:10,920
Yes it was me.

47
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,760
My key copies usually work.

48
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,360
I made two copies of this one.

49
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,640
The first is amazing,
like a knife through butter.

50
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,320
The other, on the other hand ...

51
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,320
Does it not work?

52
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:24,560
I have to push, turn, pull, screw.

53
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,800
Push, turn, pull, screw.

54
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,320
-Press, turn ...
-It works, then.

55
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,120
It does its job: to open the door.

56
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,520
-Yes, but not satisfactory.
-No problems. You get a new one.

57
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:38,920
But only this afternoon.

58
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,360
Can't you just do it now?

59
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,680
If you want one that does not work
I can do it now.

60
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,160
No, no, I already have.

61
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:47,240
I have to take a ridiculous course in speed awareness this afternoon.

62
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,320
-How fast did you drive?
-60 km / h.

63
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,840
-40 km / h on a 30-kilometer stretch. Swine.
-Pig.

64
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:56,360
Kids on bicycles with support wheels
drove around me.

65
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:57,320
Swine.

66
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,920
But it's better
than getting dots, right?

67
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,440
Because we connect over ...

68
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,080
- Do you live in the area?
-Yes.

69
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:07,120
-I'm leaving it when I close.
-Can you do that? The top!

70
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,640
Give me the master key
and keep the trouble.

71
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:10,680
Thanks.

72
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,720
You forget one thing.

73
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,680
-Sorry for being rude.
-Address?

74
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,080
What is your address?

75
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,360
108C Barnet Way.

76
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:36,960
I've done away with myself.

77
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,520
What? Hello!

78
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,840
I need to get a key sharpened.

79
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,120
The guy was going to leave it, but he asked for my address.

80
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,640
If I give him my address

81
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,240
does he have my home key
and knows where I live.

82
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,360
He may have acquaintances
in the underworld.

83
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,080
- He can.
-I do not know him.

84
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,080
You do not.

85
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:54,880
He can be part of a big one

86
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,760
underground gang conspiracy.

87
00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:58,760
Just.

88
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:02,280
You can be kidnapped, drugged
and sold as a sex slave in Romania.

89
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,120
I'm serious.
I had to find an address.

90
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:07,640
Jaha?

91
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:10,000
So the key should be left at a non-existent address?

92
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,680
I panicked.

93
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,400
I said 108C The Child Way.

94
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,600
I would not even like to visit that address.

95
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:17,800
Not to mention burglary.

96
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:23,400
-What are you doing this afternoon?
-I'm going on a date with my family doctor.

97
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,640
-Where then?
-Her clinic.

98
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,680
So you have a doctor's appointment.

99
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,160
Semantics. Do it yourself.

100
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,000
I'm going on a speed awareness course.

101
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,920
108C Barnet Way,
it's Mill Hills Golf Club.

102
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,040
Damn it too.

103
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,120
You have two choices:

104
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,640
Join an expensive golf club today
and say you're expecting a delivery,

105
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,920
or tell where you actually live.

106
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,240
Wonderfully. I can just as easily give him my card and my code.

107
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:48,000
Or we have alternative C.

108
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,840
Good dinner, everyone.

109
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,440
Welcome to today's course
in speed awareness.

110
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,160
You have all driven faster than 50 km / h
on a 50-mile stretch.

111
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,320
What will be the punishment then? Hanging?

112
00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,640
Arquebusering?

113
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,760
Fatal injection?

114
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,320
Why do you look so sad?

115
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,760
It is much worse to drive over 65 km / h.

116
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,600
We do all three.

117
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:13,840
Then we will listen to
what everyone has done.

118
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:14,880
Who starts?

119
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:16,680
I am waiting...

120
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,760
I am waiting.

121
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,760
Bingo!

122
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,000
My name is Paul. I drove at 60 km / h.

123
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,000
Lewis Hamilton.

124
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,080
-But it was on Finchley Road.
-No but here, Paul.

125
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,640
#It's not fair.

126
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,240
# Absolutely Right - no, it's not!

127
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:36,480
Who wants to continue?

128
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,520
My name is Julie. I drove at 65 km / h.

129
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,160
-No phones, please.
-I'm going out.

130
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,040
Let it go fast!

131
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,000
How is the fictional blind date going?

132
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,520
Yes, okay, I'm babysitting. See you later.

133
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,040
Rather babysitter.

134
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,400
"Babysitter" is the accepted term.

135
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,840
He is five years old.

136
00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:01,400
As I said: I have the opportunity to babysit if needed.

137
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,640
He has no cradle and does not eat banana puree - he is a child.

138
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,160
Do you say no because of
my choice of words?

139
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:11,000
Yes! Why are you even fussing about it? You have no fucking children of your own!

140
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,960
Should I look after your child,
yes or no?

141
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,120
Yes!

142
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,000
Hello.

143
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,280
Five centimeters open?

144
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,280
Fantastic, this should go fast.

145
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,480
I love you. Love you.

146
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:23,160
Button head.

147
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,360
Well, what have we learned today?

148
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,080
Raise your hand if you agree

149
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:31,120
driving at over 50 km / h is dangerous.

150
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,040
Wait wait...

151
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,520
Here we go!

152
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,200
I can raise my hand
if it makes you happy.

153
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,320
No danger, Paul.
We love getting feedback.

154
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:45,440
If my car drives on a child at 50 km / h
it's bad,

155
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,960
but a bus would flatten the kid
completely.

156
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,680
So if a bus is allowed to run at 50 km / h,
which it gets,

157
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,360
then I should be able to drive faster.

158
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,600
Write to the Minister of Transport.

159
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,120
So ... Yes, Paul?

160
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,480
One more thing.
Parents with children in the back seat ...

161
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,840
"I want a club!
I want a club!"

162
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,640
I have no children.
I have full concentration.

163
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,520
Faster reaction rate -
fewer dead children.

164
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:12,280
It's also an interesting idea.
Well, where were we now?

165
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:13,760
Yes?

166
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,040
Those who are just distracted, then?
And has poorer ability to concentrate.

167
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,440
How would we rate it?

168
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,840
You may be able to include final grades in the calculation.

169
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,320
Those who have an average grade of 19
can drive a little faster.

170
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,840
-Everyone with over 17.5.
-I am a PhD in quantum physics.

171
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:31,280
Yes. Yes, Julie. You can drive faster than me.

172
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,720
I only have an average grade of 15.

173
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,560
We can lower the bar a little.

174
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,360
We can say 15.

175
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,800
-What did you have? Clause 7.6:

176
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:44,880
If the instructor considers someone to be aggressive or disruptive

177
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,520
may not complete the course!

178
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,000
It must have gone really bad.

179
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,400
I dropped out when I was 16,
so what can I drive?

180
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:52,960
I do not know. 15?

181
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,480
-15 km / h?
-You would have put in more effort.

182
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:56,440
I made an effort!

183
00:07:56,520 --> 00:08:00,280
You're just not that smart, so you have to drive a little slower.

184
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,880
You're failed.

185
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,480
I have your Jewish angle on the course.

186
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,640
I'm all ears.

187
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,440
-It is held by anti-Semites.
-How do you know that?

188
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,120
-They toothed me! Is that the reason?

189
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,280
-Yes, they toothed me, damn it!
-I need more.

190
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,040
You have to give me more. Go vegan.

191
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,400
Yes, I'm going there now.

192
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,440
And a new organic kosher butcher
opens on Sunday.

193
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:25,840
We can show both sides.

194
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,920
Great idea.

195
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,040
It even gave me a half-heartedness.

196
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,080
Yummy.

197
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,840
Thanks. Do you want milk in?

198
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,520
We have soy, almonds, coconut and hemp.

199
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,680
Hemp, is not it a kind of rope?

200
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:44,960
It's a seed.

201
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,640
You can make ropes out of it
when it is fully grown.

202
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,120
Then it will be rope milk.

203
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,360
Vegan is in vogue right now, right?

204
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,920
It is useful for oneself
and for the planet.

205
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,800
I could not handle it.
I love meat too much.

206
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,000
I still miss sushi.

207
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,680
Shall I sneak away
and buy you a salmon roll?

208
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:08,400
No, I would actually feel physically ill then.

209
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,360
-Is it not good?
-No.

210
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,400
You get used to it. Do you want honey?

211
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:16,400
Do you eat honey?

212
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,800
Yes, if it is organic and locally produced.

213
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,560
Locally produced? Then it tastes
well diesel. Diesel with rep.

214
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,800
Good slogan. You can use it.

215
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:24,880
Thanks.

216
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,160
So you are not convinced
by the diesel tea with rope?

217
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,160
Would a vegan let me have this jacket?

218
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,440
There is artificial leather.

219
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,960
Yes, but I love the smell.

220
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,560
It's your own choice.

221
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,760
We are not fools.

222
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,520
All my vegan cakes
are homemade,

223
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,960
and 100% free from animal products

224
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,040
as well as by-products.

225
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,520
So they are 100% kosher.

226
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,440
It should appeal to the Jewish group.

227
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,560
-I got it!
-What?

228
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,880
A fly landed on your banana and caramel brownie.

229
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,040
That was a perceptive creature!

230
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,960
But it felt nothing.

231
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,040
Dog directly. Do not sell that piece.

232
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,000
You could have waved it off!
Why did not you do that?

233
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,960
Then it had landed on your walnut loaf.

234
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,760
They carry billions of bacteria.

235
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,600
It's my stand, and my choice!

236
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:17,680
You may not sell cupcakes
full of feces.

237
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:18,720
Full of?

238
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,440
I did not realize that shit is vegan.

239
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,200
I did it again. No!

240
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,120
No luck with the doctor, then?

241
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,520
On the contrary. She says I have high cholesterol

242
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,200
and she wants to see me again in three months.

243
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,080
She must be interested.

244
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,000
Hello?

245
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,440
-Veganen wants to withdraw the ad!
-She's crazy!

246
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:41,920
Advertisements pay your salaries.

247
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,000
I said you'll be there tonight
and sort it out.

248
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,320
Incredible.

249
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,280
I could expose anti-Semitism within the Labor Party.

250
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:55,000
They probably know that. Is the vegan woman single?

251
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,360
No clue.

252
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,160
-Sweet?
-Yes.

253
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,640
If she's a sweet single, is it okay if I hook up?

254
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,240
I told her she's crazy.

255
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,680
I'm not getting married to her.
I can be your helper.

256
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,440
My God, look!

257
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,920
It's Goebbels from driving school.
He has knee pads!

258
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,720
-Knäpommes?
-Distractive knee pads.

259
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,600
And chicken wings.

260
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,840
Take a photograph!

261
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,080
-Take a photograph!
-Okay, okay.

262
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,080
So there.

263
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,320
I'll appeal the dots. If I lose, I'll lower him.

264
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,000
Would french fries be enough?

265
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,440
One hand is enough for smaller maneuvers,

266
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,160
but should one give way to type ...
a deer,

267
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,600
then you need two hands! Ten to two.

268
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:41,600
Not one at two o'clock and the other
digging for knee pads.

269
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,600
-Half past two.
-Half three, yes.

270
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,240
Teeth me
and holds hands at half past two.

271
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,120
Here I am - punctual.

272
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,840
What the hell is he doing here?

273
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,800
He keeps me company in babysitting.

274
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,040
I am an adult.

275
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,280
He stays outside.

276
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,560
Va? Had you not "moved on"?

277
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,240
Well, that's why I have a date. Outside!

278
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,240
-Where is Joshie?
-He is sleeping.

279
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,160
What is this?

280
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,480
That's my key.

281
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:09,560
Explain.

282
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,440
I had to give the key maker an address.

283
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,680
I could not give my own,
if he is a thief

284
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,720
or moving in thieves' circles.

285
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,280
So you gave a stranger my address, which he passed on to thieves

286
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,400
who are now waiting for me to go out

287
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,160
so that they can get in,
but it is not possible - what happens next?

288
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,720
Then the thieves go their way.

289
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:28,840
Maybe they do.

290
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,560
Or out of sheer irritation
over that key bastard

291
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,320
does not fit, because it is the wrong house,

292
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,840
they slam my door and smear dog shit on the walls.

293
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,600
It was nice that he left it.

294
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:39,400
-Fuck off!
-Can I get the key?

295
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,120
Make sure my address thieves are removed
from the key thieves.

296
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,840
-Yes, okay.
-I do not want dog shit on the wall!

297
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:45,840
Outside.

298
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,120
Please, do not smear dog shit on my sister's walls.

299
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:54,640
Va?

300
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,360
-Can I go straight to the point?
-The straighter the better.

301
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,600
You seem to be a very honest guy,

302
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,920
but you have my home key
and my address

303
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,240
and you may well use them
for shameful purposes.

304
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:08,200
That's why I gave you my sister's address.

305
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,520
Did I leave the key with your sister?

306
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,800
What's on 108C Barnet Way?

307
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,000
Mill Hills Golf Club.

308
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,520
Do you live at the golf club?

309
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,200
No, you're misunderstanding.

310
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,120
I live at 63 Bedford Street.

311
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,200
I get it.

312
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,240
I may have made two keys.

313
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,160
One for you, one for me,

314
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,080
and used my
to steal from you.

315
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,960
Not necessarily you.
Maybe you have a cleaner?

316
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:34,640
Is my cleaner a thief?

317
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,280
Think of it this way:

318
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,320
When to leave,

319
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,520
do you then book the taxi to your or your neighbor's house?

320
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,720
-My.
-You are really gullible.

321
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,440
Do you book a taxi to the neighbor's house?

322
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,200
-Of course.
-In the house next door?

323
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,520
Not always. Sometimes I book
to two or three doors away.

324
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,440
The point is, the taxi company knows you're on vacation

325
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,640
and can send their thieves there.

326
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,200
They might rob your neighbors.

327
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,360
No, because they are at home.

328
00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,640
I'm on holiday.

329
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,880
They are not on vacation. They are home.

330
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,960
Just leave my sister's house.

331
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,240
Please.

332
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,640
Check out!

333
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:19,560
Oh my God,

334
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,680
do not say
that you actually own it there.

335
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,400
Cancer Research! Four pounds,
four pounds. These are mine.

336
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,360
Unbelievable.
Polyester from head to toe.

337
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:28,720
It's vegan clothes.

338
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,080
Free from animal products
and by-products.

339
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,360
I'm just rigging the odds
in my favor.

340
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,120
Just try to behave.

341
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,960
-You should have taken jeans.
-I take no risks.

342
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,520
-Jeans are cotton.
-The label on the back is in leather!

343
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,760
-Hello again.
-Hejsan.

344
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,160
-Come in.
-Thank you.

345
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,160
I'm terribly sorry for yesterday.

346
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,640
Your editor told
about your mental illness.

347
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,680
Good good...

348
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,600
This is Simon, our photographer.

349
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,080
Animal welfare is my driving force in life.

350
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,160
Wow, that sparked us!

351
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,880
I have a boyfriend, this is a job -
and polyester is not nice.

352
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,000
Follow along.

353
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,720
Do you bake everything here at home?

354
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:16,800
Of course.

355
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,640
Is it okay if I ...?

356
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,280
Does not it.

357
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,200
Can we talk in private?

358
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,240
Of course. Simon, can you ...?

359
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,840
I'm a little nervous at the thought of
connecting the story

360
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,840
with the organic kosher butcher.

361
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,320
How can I help?

362
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,920
I had a coffee with a friend ...

363
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,400
Repkaffe.

364
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:47,560
She is on the more militant end of the vegan scale.

365
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:50,600
And I happened to mention the Jewish Enquirer.

366
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:51,480
Okay?

367
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:56,360
And she said that Jews read
on scrolls in the synagogue.

368
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:57,520
Toran.

369
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,760
-Which are made of parchment.
-It's right.

370
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,560
Which are processed animal skins.

371
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,400
-Is it?
-It is leather you can write on.

372
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,080
It does not smell like my jacket.

373
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:11,040
So you basically worship dead animals.

374
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:15,760
It's the Bible!

375
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:19,000
I understand, absolutely.

376
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,360
And I know they're really old,

377
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,400
but you must have to make new rolls.

378
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,800
Yes...

379
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,080
Then you can exhibit the old ones in museums.

380
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,000
Do you want us to get rid of our sacred scrolls?

381
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,240
That would be the most vegan friendly.

382
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,200
Should we burn them, do you think?

383
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,080
Now you are overreacting.

384
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,480
What should we write the new ones on?

385
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:39,920
Anything but dead sheep.

386
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,840
Some kind of dried sweet potato
or coconut shell?

387
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,000
I just wanted to bring it up.

388
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,040
No, no, no, forget it.

389
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,480
I'm not writing an article promoting an anti-Semite.

390
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,440
Simon, we're going!

391
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,280
I'm not an anti-Semite!

392
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:55,960
No, no, anti-Semitism is just a by-product, huh?

393
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,480
-Let's go.
-The shirt itches from just hell.

394
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,680
This house is built on anti-Semitism!

395
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,760
Forget it.

396
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,920
Good kebabs always strike sex
with a humor-free vegan.

397
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,240
-I would like to discover it for myself.
-Titta. Look!

398
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,600
Like a knife through butter.

399
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:12,760
Please, hurry up.

400
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,560
Feel free to borrow a sweater.

401
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,960
-And pants?
-If you wash them later.

402
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,560
Damn, there have been burglaries!
It's been a fucking burglary!

403
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,080
-Burglary?
-Yes.

404
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,840
-They were not there when I left.
-Va?

405
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,880
The cup bastards!

406
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,000
Okay. What has been stolen?

407
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:36,880
The TV is still on.

408
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,560
There are no signs of burglary.

409
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:42,720
It's the key maker.

410
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,600
He has my address, and now he's trying to prove something.

411
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,760
He can break in
and you can do nothing about it.

412
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,720
- Do you want to move in with me?
-No!

413
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,680
Check each room.
Make sure everything is locked.

414
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,280
I have to change the lock on the door bastard!

415
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,520
Wear a sweater!

416
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,280
-It's a Chub lock, huh?
-Best there is.

417
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:05,280
The top. How about a quick selfie?

418
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:07,880
-Why?
-For Instagram, only.

419
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,120
So there. Hold out the name tag.

420
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,920
There you go.

421
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,960
Great.

422
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,680
ECOLOGICAL AND KOSHER!

423
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,280
Hi. I'm writing an article for the Jewish Enquirer.

424
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,960
-I'm coming soon.
-Okay.

425
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,400
-Hello?
-Can you buy burgers?

426
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,080
I'm standing outside. Joshie is sleeping in the back seat.

427
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,400
I work!

428
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,760
Then I wake him up
and take him in half asleep

429
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,080
and weeping.

430
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,320
Okay!

431
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,600
Where were you yesterday?

432
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,880
Worked, then I had a break-in.

433
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,200
Oh God! Are you okay?

434
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,120
Yes, that's the damn key maker!

435
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,920
My God, you were right!

436
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,880
He took nothing. He just rolled in

437
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,320
drank a cup of tea and stuck.

438
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,520
- Were there two cups in front?
-Yes.

439
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,200
-With Nelson Mandela motif?
-Yes.

440
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,320
Are you still putting the key

441
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,240
under the brick
to the left of the door?

442
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,080
You know I do.

443
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,760
Why are you breaking into my house?

444
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,360
I had dinner with Dad, then we passed you,

445
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,200
which was damn sisterly of me,

446
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,960
and you were not there,
so I made tea.

447
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,240
You could have written a note:

448
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,400
"Just me and Dad.
Absolutely no burglary."

449
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,600
-I thought you had a brain.
-A little note! A little note,

450
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,640
so I would have avoided putting £ 300
on a new lock!

451
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:41,320
Not a shit was stolen.
Why did you think it was a burglary?

452
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,920
Because you're a suspicious pussy!

453
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:44,960
Hello!

454
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,360
Sure, then I buy the burgers myself.

455
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,000
-Hello! God, what are you doing here?

456
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,200
Gives you a true story.

457
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,640
-Away with meat.
-Va?

458
00:19:58,720 --> 00:19:59,840
Away with meat!

459
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,160
Who the hell are you to tell me
what can I eat?

460
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,280
He called me anti-Semitic.
Away with meat!

461
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:07,760
-Usel ramsa.
-Not as cash as "burn the rollers".

462
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,040
Excuse me! Can I have a package of burgers?

463
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,800
-Stick! Just a packet of burgers!

464
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,320
Hello Darling.

465
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,360
AWAY WITH MEAT

466
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,960
Mr. Three dots.

467
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,040
-My name is Phil.
-Phil, just that.

468
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:23,120
There you are wrong! My name is Paul, Mr. No final grade.

469
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,200
You robbed my son of his Sunday lunch.

470
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:26,840
Blame him.

471
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,800
I blame who the hell I want.
Go and buy burgers for Joshie.

472
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,520
No, it goes against my principles.

473
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,320
I'm shitting if the cow is your reborn grandmother.

474
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,480
Send your boyfriend.

475
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:40,360
-I'm also vegan, I'm scared.
-So, how did the food from KFC taste?

476
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,240
-Va?
-Just it.

477
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,840
I saw you this evening
with your french fries.

478
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,720
-Knäpommes?
-Yes, your distracting knee pads.

479
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,280
They did not distract me.

480
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,080
Did you eat at KFC?

481
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,840
Wait, here it comes ...

482
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,760
A small ... value menu.

483
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,160
A little value menu
with the poor chickens?

484
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,880
Hello, he is a perceptive creature!

485
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,320
Hope you did not kiss him
with all the animal remains he has in his mouth.

486
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,400
Hello!

487
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,200
-An ant!
-So there, yes.

488
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,000
Front page story with a Jewish angle:

489
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:19,680
Neo-Nazi vegan violence against kosher butchers.

490
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:20,880
Release!

491
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,760
ÖVERRABBIN SHOPS AT M&S

492
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,440
CHOPPED HERRING -
CAN IT DESTROY YOUR SEX LIFE?

493
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,640
RABBIN EATS 12 MATZES IN 7 MINUTES

494
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,680
PHOTO LIBRARY ACCUSED OF HAVING TOO FEW JUDIC PHOTOS

495
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,800
ANTISEMITIC ATTACKS INCREASE
BY 0.03%

496
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,320
FLIGHT TO TEL AVIV LANDAR IN TIME