1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,045 Is there a statue of a recently deposed dictator 2 00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:07,215 dominating the discourse of your downtown square? 3 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,968 Got a monument to a wicked White racist 4 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,012 that you want gone by yesterday? 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:16,141 {\an8}Has an iron and/or marble effigy to a shameful past 6 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,726 fallen on one of your friends, 7 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,811 smashing them to absolute smithereens? 8 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:20,770 Oh, no! 9 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:21,980 Ooh! 10 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,607 Then you need to call me, Steven Santelmo, 11 00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:28,403 from Steven Santelmo Statue Removal and Supply. 12 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,740 Me and my adult children will come to wherever you are 13 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:35,618 {\an8}to remove the eyesore that you saw before you called me. 14 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,287 We've got the toppling tools 15 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,330 - you need to get a fresh start. - (hammer chinking) 16 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,290 Next card. 17 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,417 While you're at, I shouldn't... 18 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:43,335 All right or me? 19 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:44,836 You probably... 20 00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:46,921 So come on down to our showroom, 21 00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:48,631 which is near my family's home. 22 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,009 The home that I have been in a lengthy legal battle 23 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:53,261 with my siblings over for years. 24 00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:56,765 Let's just say there's no statue of my brother Barry there. 25 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,641 Yeah, right. Barry couldn't even pay 26 00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,769 the fucking property taxes where I live. 27 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,062 He's a dud. 28 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,230 His kid's a dud, his wife's a dud, 29 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,815 - even his fucking dog's a dud. - (dog barking) 30 00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:07,233 That's why you gotta call me. 31 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,860 And even though my rat brother 32 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,071 is no longer involved in the company, 33 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,781 this is still a family business. 34 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:13,782 Come on, come here. 35 00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,116 Give Daddy a hug. 36 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,201 There we go. 37 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,452 Hey, can you smile? 38 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,788 Jesus fucking Christ, 39 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,581 you're on a commercial with me. 40 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:24,584 (melodious instrumental music) 41 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:27,962 (theme music) 42 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:34,636 MEL: History of The World, Part Two. 43 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:39,391 (theme music) 44 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,936 The Story of Jesus. 45 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:45,855 APOSTLE: No, no, just the one. 46 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,607 I got about nine of them here. 47 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,484 (British accent) Anybody need a cable? 48 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:52,529 MEL: In 33 AD, Jesus and his apostles 49 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,489 were the hottest group in Jerusalem. 50 00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:57,033 But with the Romans looking to arrest Jesus, 51 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:59,202 the group got together to record 52 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,830 what would be his final sermon. 53 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,039 Here we go! 54 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:05,291 These are The Last Supper Sessions. 55 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:06,668 Go baby. 56 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,420 MARK (British accent): Here we go, here we are. 57 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:09,921 Hello, hello, hello. 58 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:12,632 It's another Peace and love. 59 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:13,925 Another beautiful morning. 60 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,844 Another camera morning. 61 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,762 PETER: Peace be with you, lads. 62 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:19,931 MARK: Ooh, we had a rough one last night. 63 00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,600 - APOSTLE: Mm. - Little bit too much of the myrrh. 64 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,269 PETER: You can overdo it on the myrrh. 65 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,438 - (British accent) Hello, lads. Hello. - PETER: Judas! 66 00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:28,231 - How are you? - You guys remember Harry? 67 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,524 MARK: Hello, Harry. 68 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,735 Luke. Good to see you, mate. 69 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,821 - Mark. - Did you, change your hair there, friend? 70 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,656 Oh yeah, I'm just trying this new thing. 71 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,743 What do you think? Uh, can I get away with it? 72 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,327 I don't play that White dread shit, 73 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,328 - but, you do you. - Mm-mm. 74 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:46,750 JUDAS: Yeah. Hey Peter, could you get me some milk for my cup of tea? 75 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,252 Judas, that's not what I do around here. 76 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,046 I'm a sound engineer. 77 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,882 I will say it is, uh, half past sand. 78 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,383 Someone's late again. 79 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:57,427 He thinks he's bigger than Jesus Christ. 80 00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,012 Well, he is Jesus Christ. 81 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,430 - JUDAS: Point taken. - MARK: Right, he is, he is. 82 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:01,848 JUDAS: Point taken, Luke. 83 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:02,932 MARK: Oh, speak of the devil. 84 00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:04,768 - PETER: Jesus! - MARK: There he is. 85 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,019 {\an8}Aah. Sorry, we're late, lads. 86 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,979 {\an8}We had a little problem with rolling stone. 87 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:10,065 We almost got run over by a boulder. 88 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,983 Almost smooshed us like a lakka. 89 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,485 Well, now that we got the whole band here, 90 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:14,778 just wondering if we thought about 91 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,696 where we were gonna play the concert, you know? 92 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,073 It's a big concert film. 93 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,992 So, you know, one thought that I had was Rome. 94 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,869 You know, we could play in Rome. 95 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,996 Got a lot of friends in Rome. 96 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,499 - LUKE: Meh, I-I don't, I don't know, man. - (Jesus whistles) 97 00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:29,584 Nobody likes Judas' idea? 98 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,086 MARK: No, it's not that. 99 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,212 It's a tough crowd. 100 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,880 I'd love to do the Apollo Temple. 101 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,131 - MARK: Oh, Apollo. - PETER: Mm. 102 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,049 Apollo's very nice. 103 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,884 Oh, acoustics are good there. 104 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,135 - Sure. - You know, we could always 105 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,720 go to the top of Masada. 106 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:41,930 You know? 107 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,723 The kids up there are, uh... 108 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,642 They're little too horny, maybe. 109 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:49,229 Kids from Long Island, they're feeling each other up. 110 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,273 (laughing) Hate to be cliche, but what would Jesus do? 111 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:53,400 What would he do? 112 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,110 - What would you do? - (Luke laughs) 113 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,278 JUDAS: Certain people want to know. 114 00:03:57,278 --> 00:04:00,407 Lads, I would just focus on the music. 115 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,574 MARK: Oh. 116 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,493 JESUS: Just write the psalms, you know? 117 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,870 Our message will bring people in. 118 00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,248 Well, it's easy to say when you control all the publishing, 119 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,709 some of us only make money off the live gigs. 120 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,293 That's so materialistic. 121 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,587 We should just play in our souls. 122 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,424 - JESUS: We should. - MARY: Don't you think? 123 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,092 (Jesus and Mary laughing) 124 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,260 JUDAS: All right. 125 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,511 Can somebody, uh, just tell me, 126 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,097 when exactly did Mary join the band? 127 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,348 LUKE: Oh. 128 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,350 JUDAS: I mean, I thought we were the fab 12, 129 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,769 but I guess it turns out we're the fab 13. 130 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,187 That's an unlucky number, isn't it? 131 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,106 I mean, she's one of us, isn't she mate? 132 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,108 I wrote the chorus for Let It Baa. 133 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,110 JUDAS: Hmm, don't remember that Psalm. 134 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,695 - ♪ Let it ♪ - ♪ Baa ♪ 135 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,904 - ♪ Let it ♪ - ♪ Baa ♪ 136 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,156 - ♪ Let it ♪ - ♪ Baa ♪ 137 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,532 - ♪ Let it ♪ - ♪ Baa ♪ 138 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,534 Hey, lovely Peter milky maid, 139 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,369 you wanna get me that cup of tea and toast? 140 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,747 - JESUS: Ooh. - MARY: Unleavened please. 141 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:49,956 MARK: Thank you, Peter. 142 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,542 Now it's time to make some hit psalms. 143 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:55,378 JUDAS: And figure out where we're gonna perform! 144 00:04:57,005 --> 00:05:00,633 MEL: Previously, on The Civil War. 145 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:04,095 Ulysses Grant and Honest Abe Lincoln's son. 146 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,056 (grumbles indistinctly) 147 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,184 We are three union soldiers on a rescue mission. 148 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:10,852 - Hang 'em! - Shit. 149 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:11,978 - You nervous about dying? - Nope. 150 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,146 - Need a drink. - (gunshot) 151 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,814 - (gunshot) - ROBERT: What's going on? 152 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,149 ULYSSES: We're escaping, that's what. 153 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,776 Thought they was gonna save Grant 154 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:20,111 without my help. (scoffs) Dumb asses. 155 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,447 {\an8}(bird screeches) 156 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,491 {\an8}(yawns) 157 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,702 General Lee, I, again, apologize. 158 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:31,790 General Grant should be here, momentarily. 159 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,209 It's just here in the South, 160 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,795 we afford people common courtesy. 161 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:38,254 Not all people. 162 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,714 Hmm. 163 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,216 Hmm. 164 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,218 Robert E. Lee is not gonna surrender 165 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:45,220 to a man in his goddamn skinnies. 166 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:46,471 Well, I think you look great, sir. 167 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,306 Todd, I've put on 20 pounds since Gettysburg. 168 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,308 I need a uniform. 169 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,935 You, Private! 170 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,186 Strip down! 171 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,146 Okay, Daddy. 172 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,607 I need to end this war so I can get a drink. 173 00:05:57,607 --> 00:06:00,193 - (moaning breaths) - ULYSSES: Come on, come on! 174 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,278 Why would you let me take that guy's uniform. 175 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,280 You said to never correct you ever again, sir. 176 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,200 Correction: Not all the time! 177 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,744 Have you been watching anything good recently? 178 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:13,248 Oh, I've been binging Campfires. 179 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,833 - Hmm. - You? 180 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,419 I tried watching Rivers, but I just couldn't get into 'em. 181 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,838 Ooh, stay with it. 182 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,256 - Aah! - (door bursting open) 183 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:23,883 (grunts) 184 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:27,220 Sorry I'm late but I'm here now in my uniform. 185 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,931 Why don't we sign this treaty and end this war? 186 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,683 All right, here we go. 187 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,101 Right here. 188 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:34,310 Ah, ah, ah. 189 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:35,937 Bobby, you're up. 190 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,274 This is truly the most difficult thing 191 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,359 - I have ever been called on to do. - Uh, yeah. 192 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:44,654 - Just go ahead and sign it. - I pray that this never happens again. 193 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,739 Right next to where I put mine. 194 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,449 As a boy, my father taught me to, 195 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,950 - you fight. - Oh, what'd he tell you? 196 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,911 You fight. You fight for the sign to end the war. 197 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,329 Huzzah! 198 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,706 Who wants a drink? 199 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,374 - I do. - ULLYSSES: You want a drink? 200 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,709 You want a drink? 201 00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,669 - I'm buying. I'm buying you a drink. - My God! 202 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,172 This place was impossible to find. 203 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,673 I had to parallel park my own horse. 204 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,342 Who are you? 205 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,468 Who am I? 206 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,802 (chuckles) 207 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,137 Who am I? 208 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,765 (chuckles) 209 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,308 Who am I? 210 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:17,354 Ah yes, I am Maurice Cheeks. 211 00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:20,231 Notary Public. I am the official that makes anything 212 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,026 you wanna make official, officially officialized. 213 00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,320 - Oh! - I also perform the occasional bris. 214 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,239 Sir, we've already signed the treaty. 215 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:29,157 You what? 216 00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,826 You signed the treaty? 217 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:34,079 Who told you you can sign? 218 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:37,832 You can't sign without the notary public present! 219 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,542 Tell you what, you signed nothing! 220 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,086 - This treaty is useless. - Whoa. 221 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,337 - It's garbage I tell you! - ULYSSES: No! 222 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:43,838 Garbage! 223 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,548 The civil war is still on! 224 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,508 - ULYSSES: Ah! - MAURICE: On! 225 00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:49,427 Jesus Christ, why didn't somebody tell me 226 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:50,804 my ass was this big? 227 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,389 Sir, this is important. 228 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,724 What if I said, "pretty please"? 229 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,726 With sugar on top? 230 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,437 - Please? - Well, I do have a sweet tooth. 231 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,398 - Alright. - Alright but next time 232 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,024 you two follow directions, get it? 233 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,484 - Yes, sir. - Alright. 234 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:05,777 - We need a new treaty. - New treaty! 235 00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,153 - New treaty. - New treaty. 236 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,614 - New treaty. - New treaty. On the table, alright, 237 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,492 now you in the oversized uniform, you sign right there. 238 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,828 Yes, sir. Right there. 239 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,871 Nicely done, and you hot Santa, 240 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:18,081 right over there you sign. 241 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:22,293 (soldiers groans) 242 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:23,378 LEE: Sorry, boys. 243 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,881 Alright, let's make this official. 244 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:30,385 Goddammit, I brought my mohel bag. 245 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:33,054 Useless, unless anybody wants to take a little off the top. 246 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:33,972 No thanks. 247 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:36,307 Alright, we'll improvise. 248 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:39,686 Improvising. (spits) There it is, official! 249 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,521 The civil war is over. 250 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,481 And now we triple kiss. 251 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:45,567 ALL: Mwah! 252 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:50,613 Who am I? 253 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,992 I just wanna know, why am I the way I am? 254 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:55,994 Why do I like the things that I like? 255 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,579 I have a hard time eating dairy, 256 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,414 and I always wondered why that is. 257 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:02,000 I love riding horses. What is that about? 258 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,502 I'll tell you what it's about. I'm Kublai Khan, 259 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:07,464 and I had sex with all these people's ancestors. 260 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,216 And you can find out if you are my progeny as well, 261 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:13,470 by signing up for khancestry.com. 262 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,555 When I first heard of khancestry.com, 263 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,350 I thought, $600 is a lot of money, 264 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,768 but I've learned so much about myself. 265 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:23,521 {\an8}I knew my mom's second cousin was Flip Wilson's wife, 266 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,106 {\an8}but this is way cooler. 267 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,859 I've always had this overwhelming urge 268 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,779 {\an8}to conquer and unify Eurasia. 269 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,447 So you might be asking yourself, 270 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:33,948 what's all this shit about? 271 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,659 Genghis Khan, AKA my grandpa Genghi, 272 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,996 started the biggest empire the world's ever seen. 273 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:43,291 And I took that shit to the next level 274 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,126 by creating trade routes to the west, 275 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:48,421 {\an8}establishing currency, and balling my brains out. 276 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,383 My empire even extended into Russia. 277 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,511 {\an8}That makes sense though, because see, my ma is Russian. 278 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:55,887 {\an8}My dad's Italian, though. 279 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:56,805 {\an8}Hey, oh. 280 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,139 {\an8}All right, so a few years ago 281 00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,307 I started growing out my ponytail 282 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,975 and my coworker started making fun of me. 283 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,686 They asked me if I worked at Guitar Center, 284 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,271 and then I realized that I was related to Kublai Khan, 285 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,856 who also had a ponytail. 286 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,483 So fuck you, Corey! 287 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,903 I cheated on my wife for years, but I never knew why. 288 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,448 It's literally in my DNA to spread my seed 289 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,367 {\an8}as far and as wide as possible. 290 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,786 So I told this to my wife, Gloria, and she said, 291 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,162 "Nah, that's bullshit." 292 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,123 You know, I'm related to Kublai too, 293 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,458 but, I didn't fuck the babysitter. 294 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,211 First of all, it's not like a teenage babysitter. 295 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,421 This woman is 48. 296 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,839 And second of all, she's a nice lady. 297 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,090 She's going through a rough time. 298 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,675 I'm just trying to help her get on her feet. 299 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:36,177 Yeah, 'cause she spending a lot of time on her back, 300 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:39,514 with you on top of her, like a big ol' fucking manatee. 301 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,474 After I got my khancestry.com results, 302 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,351 I took dairy out of my diet 303 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,395 and the rash on my back cleared up within weeks. 304 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:48,648 Oh yeah, I can't do dairy, also cashews. 305 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,316 So that means no almond milk? 306 00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,277 No, no tree nuts of any kind. 307 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,528 Let me tell you something 308 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,196 about little miss perfect over here. 309 00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:57,741 She tells everyone that she was in The Rockettes. 310 00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:00,326 She was not in The Rockettes! 311 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:01,703 You don't listen, Barry. 312 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:04,080 The Rockettes are a group of my girlfriends 313 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,417 who are fans of the Rocky movies. That's all. 314 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,085 I walk around the street and I'm like, 315 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,212 "Are you the spawn of Khan? Are you the spawn of Khan? 316 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,505 "I'm the spawn of Khan." 317 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,341 Everyone thinks I'm insane. 318 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,510 With the right leader, we could unify the tribes. 319 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,888 The Golden Hoard is coming for you. 320 00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,806 - Khan! - Khan! 321 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,641 Khan! 322 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,311 Go to khancestry.com and get a testing kit today. 323 00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:27,687 Find out who you are, 324 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,273 so you can be the best you, you can be. 325 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,192 - Which is me. - Which is me. 326 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,194 - Which is me. - Which is me. 327 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,196 - Which is me. - Which is me. 328 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:40,658 (melodious instrumental music) 329 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:44,913 MEL: And now, back to The Last Supper Sessions. 330 00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,122 MARK: Oh! 331 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,791 - JUDAS: Yep. - MARK: Wow-ee. 332 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,460 Come on down to the carnival. 333 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,795 It's the carnival. 334 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,464 You know, last night Yoko, was, um-- 335 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:57,258 - I'm sorry who? - Mary. I said, Mary. 336 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,718 MARK: You said Yoko, mate. 337 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,220 JUDAS: She's so clearly Yoko. 338 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,889 It's not one-to-one, but she's clearly Yoko. 339 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:06,309 Right, but it's not, just not one to one. So, don't, don't try to make 340 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,019 - direct comparisons. We're not-- - Lads, you're distracted 341 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,312 from the point, mate. 342 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,856 Like last night she was doing her body art 343 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:12,941 - on me - MARK: Mm. 344 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,734 and shrieking in my ear, 345 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,613 and I-I just had this divine inspiration, right? 346 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:19,781 And it was a lyric. 347 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,783 "Lovely Lucy, lovely". 348 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:24,202 ♪ Lovely Lucy ♪ 349 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:28,581 ♪ Lovely Lucy was a pharaoh's daughter ♪ 350 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:32,585 ♪ Pushing camels through a needles eye ♪ 351 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:35,005 - ♪ Woo ♪ - Ooh. What if lovely Lucy 352 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,214 was a little bird, 353 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,507 and she flies down, 354 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:40,343 and she's wearing little wellies 'cause it's raining out 355 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,345 and she's splashing in little puddles? 356 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,557 And it's, it kind of, like, rainbows start kind of-- 357 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,267 - Yeah. Yeah. - You see little rainbows 358 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,393 in their eyes, you know. 359 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,228 - I think keep going, mate. - Anything for the chorus? 360 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,813 Do you have anything, anything for the chorus? 361 00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,606 JESUS: What if we, what if we try, uh... 362 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,941 (electric guitar plays) 363 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,943 ♪ Give back ♪ 364 00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,653 ♪ Give back ♪ 365 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,572 ♪ Can't you just take it with ya ♪ 366 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:02,073 ♪ Gotta give back ♪ 367 00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:04,701 LUKE: Woo, you're beating around the bush too much. 368 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,411 - You're talking about giving back. - JESUS: Uh-huh. 369 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,704 You just gotta say cash. 370 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:08,830 You change the verse. 371 00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,623 ♪ Give cash ♪ 372 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,584 ♪ Give cash ♪ 373 00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:15,462 ♪ Or you can go to Hell and burn the fuck up ♪ 374 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:16,755 See what I'm saying? 375 00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:18,340 JESUS: You're the best marketer I've ever met, 376 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,799 but I just want to bring people in, in it. 377 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:20,925 MARK: It's about peace and love. 378 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,302 Peace and love, mate. 379 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,678 JUDAS: Peace and love. 380 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:24,929 Yeah, I get you. 381 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:27,599 {\an8}(band music playing) 382 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:31,811 ♪ Lovely Lucy was a pharaoh's daughter ♪ 383 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:35,565 ♪ Pushing camels through a needles eye ♪ 384 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:39,694 ♪ She said, give back, give back ♪ 385 00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:44,616 ♪ If you wanna get to Heaven, gotta give back ♪ 386 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,534 ♪ Ooh ♪ 387 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,120 - ♪ Woo ♪ - ♪ Woo ♪ 388 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,914 MARK: That was a nice one there. 389 00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:54,125 - Yes! - PETER: Oh, lads. Lads, I'm sorry. 390 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,211 (sighs) I recorded nothing. 391 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:59,673 The shells, they were all turned the wrong way. 392 00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:00,924 - JUDAS: Nothing? - PETER: I'm sorry. 393 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:02,467 JUDAS: Are you fucking kidding me, Peter? 394 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,510 Oh God. 395 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:04,844 Peter, this is the third time 396 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,554 you've garbed up the shells, mate. 397 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,139 I'm sorry, Jesus. 398 00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,600 I didn't mean to betray you. 399 00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,229 (sighs) 400 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,358 (blows shofar) 401 00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:24,531 Oh the fucking shofar is broken, Peter. 402 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,619 Statues, statues, statues. 403 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,037 Steven Santelmo, 404 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,873 from Steven Santelmo Statue Removal and Supply. 405 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,792 Maybe you love statues. 406 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:38,128 Well, we are the number one reseller of statues 407 00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,504 in the tri-state area. 408 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:40,672 We have thousands, and thousands, 409 00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,757 and thousands of used statues. 410 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,385 When we take 'em down, everybody dances around, 411 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,678 then they go home. 412 00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,471 And with, these statues just sitting around, I'm like, 413 00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:50,223 "Alright, I'm gonna take these statues", you know? 414 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,474 We got Vladimir Lenin. 415 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:52,767 We got Robert E. Lee. 416 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:55,854 We got Nikolai Tchachesku, we got a wax Putin, 417 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,857 and we got the mother of old deposed dictators. 418 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,442 That's right ladies and gentlemen, 419 00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,902 we've got him, Saddam Hussein. 420 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,488 They couldn't find weapons of mass destruction, 421 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,700 but I found his fucking statues, not my brother Barry, 422 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,411 who couldn't find his own thumb if it was wedged up his ass, 423 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,620 which it is half the time. 424 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,330 Hey Barry, you're not allowed in the commercials. 425 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,499 I don't care what dad said before he died. 426 00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:18,626 - (horse neighing) - We got more horses. 427 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,421 I can't even tell you how many horses statues. 428 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:23,840 And you know, fun fact about horse statues, 429 00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:26,593 if one leg is up, I don't know what it means. 430 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:29,179 It's, but someone told me once and I could never remember. 431 00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:30,889 Anyways, come on down to 432 00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:34,309 Steven Santelmo Statue Removal and Supply 433 00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:36,728 for the deal of your dreams. 434 00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,571 MEL: Amelia Earhart. 435 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,117 Untouched beauty. 436 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,410 Private beaches. 437 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,620 AMELIA EARHART: Wild birds. 438 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,956 The Bermuda Triangle. 439 00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:01,628 Join me, Amelia Earhart, in this goddamn paradise 440 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,797 where we are fully open... 441 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,840 Bar. Open bar. 442 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,802 - (women laughing) - The triangle is a gift to women like me. 443 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,971 Just ask my roommate, Bessie Coleman. 444 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,307 It's a pilot's paradise. 445 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,227 Bessie, when did you know that you were a pilot? 446 00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:20,605 I felt my first longing for the air 447 00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,190 when I was in sixth grade, 448 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:27,028 but I didn't realize I was a pilot until high school. 449 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:29,948 And now you're a gold star pilot. 450 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,533 {\an8}That's right. 451 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:34,661 And this place is swarming with other pilots. 452 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,663 Traveling here is a breeze. 453 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,915 All you gotta do is get your father's permission 454 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,542 to go to aviation school. 455 00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,585 AMELIA: Take a three day exam to get your license. 456 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:44,963 BESSIE: Overcome your crippling fear of heights. 457 00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,631 Get your hands on a bargain barrel plane 458 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,967 that your friends and family will beg you not to fly. 459 00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,427 BESSIE: Then fly it anyway. 460 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,637 AMELIA: Crash land it in the scariest part of the ocean, 461 00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,639 thereby faking your own death. 462 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,725 So no one will find you. 463 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,685 Including your husband. 464 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,271 Not an easy journey, but worth it. 465 00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,440 The Bermuda Triangle, 466 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,734 - where no man dares to go. - (lively music playing) 467 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,944 And if one makes it here, we kill him. 468 00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,988 I love the Triangle. 469 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,156 (groans) 470 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:13,783 You hit some turbulence there, Cap? 471 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:18,079 Nope, I am a pilot in the '30s and I wanna dance. 472 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:19,706 Let's cut a rug. 473 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,166 - Wow! - Yeah. 474 00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,459 - You see this? - Uh-huh. 475 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,752 All the girls in New York City 476 00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,628 - are doing this. - It's, it's like an illusion. 477 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,798 - It's just a short flight to Wonderland. - (explosion) 478 00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:30,592 Now boarding. 479 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:39,434 MEL: And now, back to The Last Supper Sessions. 480 00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,852 INTERVIEWER: You and your friends 481 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:42,020 are here at the studio every day. 482 00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,313 May I ask why? 483 00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:45,106 Um, I like to hang around here 484 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,942 and just to see if I can catch any of the apostles? 485 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,028 Um, I'm totally a Judas girl. 486 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,947 He's just like a bad boy, and I like that. 487 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:57,702 We'll go under water and have fun with my magic sea horse. 488 00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:03,541 ♪ We'll go underwater and have fun with my magic seahorse ♪ 489 00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,335 She dropped it right in the fucking toast. 490 00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,586 JESUS: Mate, I, I don't think the 491 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,755 under the sea theme is working, mate. 492 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,048 Judas, what do you got? 493 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,716 Okay, I've got an idea. Okay, how about this? 494 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,094 It goes, I've got a feeling. 495 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,388 ♪ I've got a feeling ♪ 496 00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:18,556 That White guys can have dreads. 497 00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:22,560 ♪ I don't agree with that ♪ 498 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:26,439 You know, it's not that much of a big deal, 499 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,234 but if my ideas aren't going to be listened to, 500 00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,528 then I think I'm just gonna leave. 501 00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:32,904 - Hmm? - Judas? 502 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:34,280 JUDAS: I'm leaving the band now. 503 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,657 MARK: Just, just like that? 504 00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,325 Just walked out. 505 00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,494 Mate, who did his hair, mate? 506 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:42,455 - It's a mess. - And just to be crystal clear, 507 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,124 I'm leaving this band. 508 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:45,792 Okay? 509 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,753 Leaves me a lot more time with all my side projects. 510 00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,005 LUKE: Mm. 511 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:53,883 (exhales sharply) 512 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:58,054 But I still wanna know where the show's gonna be. 513 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,767 Sorry, I've forgot my keys. 514 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,103 Does anyone know where my keys are? 515 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,942 Steven Santelmo Statue Removal and Supply 516 00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:14,738 is going out of business and I'm selling everything. 517 00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:16,322 People that got canceled. 518 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,491 Hillary "Pizza-gate" Clinton, I got her. 519 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,077 Christopher Columbus. Nobody's touching one of those statues. 520 00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:23,538 This guy founded America, and I'll never forget. 521 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,874 (echoing) Everything must go. 522 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:28,752 Now you might be wondering why a profitable business 523 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:30,628 would be going out of business. 524 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,715 And the answer is simple, because of this fucking turd. 525 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,801 Him, his wicked wife, and his dud daughter 526 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:39,262 sued me for libel and defamation, 527 00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:41,306 because of my previous commercials. 528 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:43,391 Look at him. I couldn't believe I was related 529 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,268 to this piece of human shawarma. 530 00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:46,978 So then I pissed into a Snapple bottle 531 00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:49,356 and sent it to khancestry.com. 532 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:50,982 When I got my results, 533 00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:55,195 I realized that I too was related to Kublai Khan, 534 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,530 just like Barry Santelmo, 535 00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:01,618 which means that we were actually brothers. 536 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:05,080 And nothing is, (voice breaking) is more important than family. 537 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,831 Come on, guys. Come on out. 538 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,833 - Don't remember what we're doing. - Hey bro, how you doing? 539 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,293 What the fuck? 540 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:13,088 Finding out that we are both related to Kublai Khan 541 00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:15,048 has brought us closer together as brothers. 542 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:18,134 And the good news for you is that we are teaming up 543 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:22,013 to offer you the best Mongolian statues in the... 544 00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:24,057 - So and the good news for-- - Stop. Take your time, 545 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,892 - Okay-- Don't tell me how to do this. - No, no, no. 546 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,394 I've been doing these commercials for years. 547 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:28,311 - I know, I know. - Alright? 548 00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:30,355 We are teaming up as a family 549 00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:34,401 to offer you the best Mongolian statues we can find. 550 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,777 We got 'em all! 551 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,195 Genghis Khan. 552 00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:38,321 Kublai Khan. 553 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,322 Scott Khan. 554 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:40,573 Madeline Khan. 555 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,243 We also have a statue of Sylvester Stallone. 556 00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,285 Not for sale. 557 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,495 That's my sister-in-law. 558 00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:46,788 She's supposed to be doing the books, 559 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,289 but now she's on camera. 560 00:20:48,289 --> 00:20:49,916 I told you I was gonna be on camera. 561 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:50,875 - I told you. - I was with her 562 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:51,918 when she told you Uncle Steven. 563 00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,378 Oh, thanks, Raven. 564 00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:54,796 Please, her Christian name's Samantha. 565 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,423 I don't know when she changed her name. Why she-- 566 00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:59,384 At least, our daughter didn't get busted at junior prom 567 00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:00,593 for selling ketamine. 568 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,053 - Hello? Your daughter. - Okay. 569 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,139 It was in the paper. It was in The Ledger, Steven. 570 00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:06,141 Okay, first of all, excuse me. It was molly. 571 00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:07,851 And second of all, it's senior prom. 572 00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:08,852 So, get your fucking facts straight, 573 00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:09,728 - all right? - Oh, oh, okay. 574 00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:12,397 First of all, uh, d-d-don't talk to my wife that way. 575 00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:14,774 What? And w-who are you texting, Barry? 576 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,526 No, it was a, it was a spam caller. 577 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,653 Oh, oh, what? Is that, is that your new girlfriend's name now? 578 00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:19,738 - Spam? - Oh, hey! 579 00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:21,156 - Huh? - It's in my DNA! 580 00:21:21,156 --> 00:21:23,491 Ah, yeah, your DNA is in every whore in town, Barry! 581 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,035 - Oh! - Okay. 582 00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:27,162 Hey, you say that in front of our little girl. Where were you? 583 00:21:27,162 --> 00:21:29,956 Bottom line is Santelmo's Statue Removal and Supplies 584 00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:33,168 is now Santelmo Mongolian Statue Depot. 585 00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:36,296 {\an8}We got the best deal for you because you're family, 586 00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:39,758 {\an8}'cause you're likely related to Kublai Khan as well. 587 00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:41,343 {\an8}We never would Kub-lie to you. 588 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:44,179 ALL: Our prices is Khan't be beat. 589 00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:46,097 Let me just do the last line myself. 590 00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:47,432 {\an8}Leave me something. 591 00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:50,477 (melodious instrumental music) 592 00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:56,274 MEL: And now, the grand finale of The Civil War. 593 00:21:58,151 --> 00:22:01,863 LEE: In conclusion, I pray that I will still be remembered 594 00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:05,450 as a man of great honor and dignity. 595 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,243 Alright, wrap it up and get on your horse. 596 00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:08,578 (grunts) 597 00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:10,080 - You're almost there. - Ye-- 598 00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:12,332 - (Lee farts) - (horse neighs) 599 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,626 (chuckles) 600 00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:16,127 ULYSSES: Don't come back now. 601 00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,254 (Lee farts) 602 00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:21,132 If I may be so bold. I know the war is over, 603 00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:23,051 but I would love to continue working with you. 604 00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:25,512 - Is that so, young man? - Yes, sir. 605 00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:29,182 If I could just assist you in any way, I'll do it. 606 00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:30,725 Well, if you really wanna help me, 607 00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,894 - there's one thing you could do right now. - Yes, sir. 608 00:22:32,894 --> 00:22:35,146 Get on the floor and fucking dance. 609 00:22:35,146 --> 00:22:36,439 Yes, sir. 610 00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:39,067 ♪ One more time ♪ 611 00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:41,111 (all party chattering) 612 00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:48,660 ULYSSES: Oh, whoa. Oh, gimme, gimme. Ooh, thank you. 613 00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:51,746 Woo! 614 00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,207 Woo! 615 00:22:54,207 --> 00:22:58,837 ♪ One more time, we're gonna celebrate ♪ 616 00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:02,298 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 617 00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:06,177 (cheering) 618 00:23:06,177 --> 00:23:07,220 ROBERT: Yeah! 619 00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:09,180 Fucking love you, dawg. 620 00:23:09,180 --> 00:23:11,391 HONEYBEARD: Wow, this party's fantastic. 621 00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:13,852 Well, the war is over, fellas. We can get back to our lives. 622 00:23:13,852 --> 00:23:14,978 Yeah. 623 00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:19,816 I gotta say, last 12 hours with you guys 624 00:23:19,816 --> 00:23:21,317 have been the most fun I've ever had, 625 00:23:21,484 --> 00:23:24,279 and I'm sorry, our show was hot fire. 626 00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,448 Yeah, we really pulled it together in like three minutes. 627 00:23:26,448 --> 00:23:27,699 I mean we cut so many bits. 628 00:23:27,699 --> 00:23:29,200 We have enough for a season two. 629 00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:32,203 Well, we'll always have those memories. 630 00:23:32,454 --> 00:23:34,664 What if we kept doing it? 631 00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:36,833 Have memories? Yeah, okay. 632 00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:39,377 No. Performing, singing, comedy. 633 00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:43,298 - Oh, my God, I am so in. - Let's leave right now! 634 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:44,257 But where do we go? 635 00:23:44,257 --> 00:23:46,426 I've been reading about this place called, uh, 636 00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:47,886 uh, California. 637 00:23:47,886 --> 00:23:49,512 I think it'd be perfect for some guys like us. 638 00:23:49,721 --> 00:23:50,764 Oh, I like this. 639 00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:52,265 A career in showbiz would be healthy 640 00:23:52,265 --> 00:23:53,350 for an introvert like me. 641 00:23:53,558 --> 00:23:55,643 I only have one question. 642 00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:57,687 Which way to California? 643 00:23:58,355 --> 00:24:00,523 Left, until we hit the ocean. 644 00:24:00,648 --> 00:24:04,486 - (horses neighing) - (melodious instrumental music) 645 00:24:09,866 --> 00:24:11,034 (traffic honking) 646 00:24:11,034 --> 00:24:13,244 This is insane, it's 2:00 p.m. on a Tuesday. 647 00:24:13,578 --> 00:24:15,246 MASON: Does anyone here have a job? 648 00:24:15,246 --> 00:24:16,790 MINGOS: Fuck, I'm gonna miss my audition. 649 00:24:17,499 --> 00:24:18,416 What's it for? 650 00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:19,793 Some Mel Brooks show. 651 00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:20,919 - Oh. - Oh. 652 00:24:20,919 --> 00:24:26,007 (melodious instrumental music) 653 00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:26,985 (fanfare) 654 00:25:26,985 --> 00:25:29,988 Captioned by Point.360