1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,005 MEL BROOKS: The Oslo Peace Accords. 2 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,090 HANS: This is really historic. 3 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:09,300 We have agreed in principle 4 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:11,761 to a real and everlasting Peace Accord 5 00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:14,014 {\an8}between Israel and Palestine. 6 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,475 {\an8}Now, if I could just get some general agreement noises 7 00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,894 {\an8}from the room, like just to sort of like a... 8 00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:22,689 {\an8}(group murmuring) 9 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,650 {\an8}Good, good, and perfect. Good. 10 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,360 {\an8}Thank you. That was just right. 11 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,613 {\an8}Okay, now I'm gonna get this ready for the signings, yeah? 12 00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:33,116 {\an8}There's just one more thing, concerning who gets to claim 13 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,159 {\an8}the homeland of hummus, 14 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,494 but we can iron that out afterwards, yeah? 15 00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:38,371 {\an8}(group murmuring) 16 00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:40,707 {\an8}This is not a small thing. 17 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,208 AMIR: We must settle on who created 18 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,335 {\an8}hummus before we sign 19 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,170 {\an8}or we can never have true peace. 20 00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,339 {\an8}- Of course. - This is very simple, really, 21 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,174 when you think about it, because Israel, 22 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,633 {\an8}well, you know, created hummus. 23 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,218 {\an8}(Amir chuckles) 24 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:55,013 I didn't realize I was watching Family Matters right now. 25 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,348 {\an8}What are you talking about? 26 00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,308 Oh, because you are like Steve Urkel, 27 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,310 {\an8}in that you are making me laugh. 28 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,479 {\an8}Did I do that? No. 29 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,731 My Palestinian ancestors did that. 30 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,025 What do you think the Jews were eating 31 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,527 in the desert for 40 years, Amir? 32 00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:11,780 {\an8}- Wet sand? - That's exactly how you 33 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:12,906 {\an8}describe Israeli hummus. 34 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,616 {\an8}- Fuck you, man. - Oh, fuck you. 35 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:15,784 {\an8}Ooh! 36 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,535 Guys, guys, guys. Come on now. 37 00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:20,413 {\an8}We agreed, the only F word we're gonna use in this room 38 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:21,664 {\an8}is friendship. 39 00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:22,957 {\an8}Go friendship yourself. 40 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,377 Excuse me, but, uh, make no mistake, 41 00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,170 {\an8}Egypt created hummus. 42 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,714 {\an8}(group laughs) 43 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:32,634 {\an8}Yes, of course. 44 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,260 {\an8}I have heard enough, okay? 45 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:40,141 {\an8}Because it is Greece who has invented hummus. 46 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:42,811 It's as Greek as naked wrestling. 47 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:45,063 And may I just say, Christos, 48 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,856 that the only thing the Greeks invented 49 00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:49,234 was being a shitty little asshole. 50 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,486 {\an8}- Oh, snap. - Everybody knows that 51 00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:53,113 {\an8}Turkey is the home of hummus. 52 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,406 Turkey is the home of hummus? 53 00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,741 - ELIF: That's right. - Okay. This is rich, okay? 54 00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:59,911 Because your country is called Turkey, 55 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:03,081 but you make absolutely no claim to that food. 56 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,624 - Don't want. Don't want it. - CHRISTOS: Okay. 57 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:08,420 {\an8}What you should be called instead is Bullshit, 58 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:11,047 {\an8}because that is all you make. 59 00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:12,924 Please, please, no, no no. You guys. 60 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,260 And I think your country is called Greece 61 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,595 {\an8}because your food is so greasy. 62 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:21,349 Oh, no! Spanakopita is oily, okay? 63 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:22,559 It's not greasy. 64 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,436 Hey, hey. Why don't we sit down, right? 65 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:25,937 - Why are we standing? - Of course. Of course. 66 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,188 There's no need to stand. 67 00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:28,189 Guys. Guys, I don't even 68 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,524 {\an8}know why we're discussing this. 69 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,401 To be honest, I put it in there as a joke. 70 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,945 {\an8}It was just like a little funny thing before lunch. 71 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,447 {\an8}- Lunch! - (group agreement chattering) 72 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,158 No. We are going to sign whatever the hell 73 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,535 you want us to sign and we're going to get the F out here. 74 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:43,329 {\an8}Oh, yes! Wonderful! Yes, let's sign it, please? 75 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,206 {\an8}- Oh god. - We'll just go to my place. 76 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,208 The Israeli embassy will have lunch. 77 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,669 CHRISTOS: Greek embassy lunch is on me. 78 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,296 ELIF: The Turkish embassy is open. 79 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,881 HANS: Or we can also just eat here 80 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,049 at the Norwegian embassy. 81 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,425 RIFKA: Fuck you. 82 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,302 Well, okay. It's more sheep's head 83 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,012 for me then, right? (chuckles) 84 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,848 (exciting music) 85 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,063 MEL BROOKS: History of the World, Part Two. 86 00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:13,902 (theme music playing) 87 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:20,408 ♪ From Barbados to Brooklyn, then to DC ♪ 88 00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:22,660 ♪ She's the first Black Congresswoman ♪ 89 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,703 {\an8}♪ She's Shirley ♪ 90 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,080 {\an8}♪ It's been a long hard road ♪ 91 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,873 {\an8}♪ But hope was never lost ♪ 92 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:30,794 {\an8}♪ 'Cause that girl Shirley's unbought and unbossed ♪ 93 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:35,173 {\an8}-♪ Ooh, ooh, Shirley ♪ - (audience cheers) 94 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,466 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Shirley! is filmed 95 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,468 in front of a live Black audience. 96 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,763 {\an8}(theme song ends) 97 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,600 Wow. This place is so futuristic. 98 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,395 Well, that's 'cause for our anniversary, 99 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:51,856 I wanted to take you out of this world. (chuckles) 100 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,692 I'm talking hotel sex. 101 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,652 (audience laughs) 102 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,196 I promise, no work this weekend 103 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:01,658 no campaigning, no speeches, no candidate. 104 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,660 I am just your wife. 105 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,662 (chuckles) Alright. 106 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,665 - (Conrad clearing throat) - (audience laughs) 107 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,166 What about that jacket? 108 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,210 It's the only one I have with pockets. 109 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,170 (audience laughs) 110 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,048 Welcome to the Watergate Hotel. 111 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,217 Yes, reservation's under Chisholm. 112 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:22,053 I booked a room with a heart shaped bathtub 113 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,431 and a fireplace that roars. 114 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,849 Yes, it's in the notes. 115 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,017 We don't have that. 116 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,893 What? Come on now. 117 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,270 I made this reservation weeks ago. 118 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,229 Gloria? 119 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,107 The most famous feminist in the world? 120 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,233 Gloria! 121 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,527 Shirley Chisholm! 122 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,320 Are you here for our conference? 123 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,530 Am I? 124 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,824 Does a woman only make 56 cents 125 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,492 for every dollar a man makes? 126 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,536 (laughs) Oh, Shirley! 127 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,080 Of course I'm here for your conference, yeah! 128 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,332 Well, it's so great that you're here 129 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,209 and I will see you in Ballroom One. 130 00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:54,961 Absolutely. I'll see you inside. 131 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,963 - Okay. - Twin beds? 132 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,174 Come on now. That's not cool. 133 00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,593 - Shirley Chisholm. - (audience cheers) 134 00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,219 Reverend Jesse Jackson! 135 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:07,057 Shirley, now you are a sister that is no nonsense. 136 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:10,268 I can only assume you are here for our conference. 137 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,853 (audience laughs) 138 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:15,023 Jesse, I am here and I got your back. 139 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:18,693 I came for your conference and yes, it is Black. 140 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,280 I cannot wait to share my ideas that are new. 141 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:26,076 I look forward to seeing you in Ballroom Number Two. 142 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,411 - Thank you. - (audience laughs) 143 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,955 Shirley, baby, I'm getting a bad vibe about this place. 144 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:32,874 - Let's just go home. - No, we can't. 145 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,167 We just started the farce. 146 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:37,170 - The farce? - I mean, the, the, the force. 147 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,757 The force of our love and romance. 148 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,175 - Just get the key! - (audience laughs) 149 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,135 Okay. All right. I'll take it. I'll take it. 150 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:47,055 ANNOUNCER: Coming up on the next episode of Shirley! 151 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:51,017 Flo, the feminists and the Black caucus are here at the Watergate. 152 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,977 I wanna get them both to endorse me. 153 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,063 I need you to bring me two different outfits. 154 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,315 While I'm downstairs, I need you to stay here 155 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,025 and keep Conrad in the bathtub. 156 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,736 CONRAD: Shirley, should I put on one of those mud masks? 157 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:02,821 It's all in the mole. 158 00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:04,614 (mimicking Shirley) That sounds good, baby! 159 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,782 I got this, girl. 160 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,495 MEL BROOKS: Typhoid Mary. 161 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,706 Don't breathe on me, please. 162 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:16,459 (upbeat music) 163 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:19,129 Hey, it's me, Mary, 164 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:22,215 {\an8}or as I'm known in some circles, Typhoid Mary. 165 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,883 And welcome to my cooking channel, 166 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,177 Eat, Drink, and be Mary. 167 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:29,139 Just to catch you up, I have been accused of giving typhoid, 168 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:32,475 {\an8}a highly contagious and fatal disease spread through food, 169 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,477 {\an8}to hundreds of people that I've cooked for. 170 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,312 Which, you know, while it's ridiculous, 171 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:39,232 I do appreciate the opportunity to create a brand. 172 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,650 Now, today we are going to be making 173 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,820 corned beef and cabbage, a classic Irish dish, 174 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:47,032 as traditional to Ireland as alcoholism and shame. 175 00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:51,828 (coughs) 176 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,248 (sighs) Okay. 177 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,876 - So, before we get going... - (stomach gurgling) 178 00:06:57,876 --> 00:06:59,169 - Uh-oh! - (Mary farts) 179 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,712 I got something cooking 180 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,630 and no, it's not in the oven. 181 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:03,923 It's in my pants. 182 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,425 - (Mary farts) - I gotta go have a shit. 183 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,136 Don't you go anywhere. Love you! 184 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:15,101 MEL BROOKS: And now, back to The Last Supper Sessions. 185 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,646 LUKE: ♪ Frogs and locusts, frogs and locusts ♪ 186 00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:20,148 ♪ So in love ♪ 187 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,941 MARK (heavy British accent): I think the whole thing 188 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,360 would work better lower. 189 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,487 JESUS (heavy British accent): Too high for me, mate. 190 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:28,531 How come Jesus isn't wearing any shoes? 191 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:32,452 Maybe you should be asking why you're wearing shoes. 192 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,330 - (guitar strumming) - Far out, man. 193 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,915 Ugh, this is so frustrating. 194 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,041 Nothing's working. 195 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,334 I think, respectfully, 196 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,586 you need to pick up your accent, mate. 197 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,004 You're from Nazareth. 198 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:45,256 Mm. No, I'm from North Carolina. 199 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:47,425 Nobody told me that when I signed up for this, 200 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,927 I had to have a Liverpoolian accent. 201 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,428 Are we dropping the accent? 202 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,180 - Yes! We're dropping the accent! - MARK: No. 203 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,556 - We're-- No. - Oh, thank god! 204 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,016 We're committing to the bit. 205 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,351 We're keeping the accent. 206 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:58,311 Lads, lads, lads, listen. 207 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,979 We're just in a bit of a rut. 208 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,773 We need a pick me up, that's all. 209 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,358 - Okay? - Is it possible 210 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,360 turn this goat milk to rose? 211 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,029 Mate, no. 212 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,656 THOMAS: (laughing) Hey, Jesus, 213 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:10,949 look who I found. 214 00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,118 - LAZARUS: What's up, fellas? - Yes! It's Lazarus! 215 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,244 MARK: Whoa. 216 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,538 - JESUS: L! L! Lazarus! - (gasps) Lazzie! 217 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,997 I played with Laz out in Galilee. 218 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,000 - He's wild, man. Wild. - LUKE: Wild. 219 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,669 Hey, now that show was out of sight. 220 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,045 - (Lazarus and Jesus laughing) - MARK: Oh. 221 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,672 - (laughs) - Wow. 222 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,008 - (hands slapping) - Oh, wow. 223 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,467 Hey, where-- where's Judas? 224 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,137 LUKE: Uh, you know... 225 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,472 Judas left the band. 226 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:35,432 - Oh. - He did. 227 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,058 And so we're missing a whole 228 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:40,020 dimension of sound, you know? 229 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,981 JESUS: We really haven't spoke about it. 230 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:44,774 Why don't you play something for us, mate? 231 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,276 - LAZARUS: Me? - JESUS: Yeah, mate. 232 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,694 I mean, we'd love to have you, mate. 233 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,070 MARK: You could give us the extra 234 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,989 - dimension we're looking for. - JESUS: Yeah, mate. 235 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,907 Wow, yeah. I guess I could try something. 236 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,659 - I'll try something out. - See what it's all about. 237 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,162 - (lively keyboard) - JESUS: Bring us back from the dead, mate. 238 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:59,205 - MARK: Yes! - JESUS: Yes, wow! 239 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:00,957 It's good. 240 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,500 Pure butter. 241 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,462 ALL: ♪ Don't get me down ♪ 242 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,006 JESUS: ♪ From the cross, yeah ♪ 243 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,884 {\an8}- (Mary Magdalene vocalizing) - ALL: ♪ Don't get me down ♪ 244 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,845 {\an8}JESUS: ♪ I came to die here for your sins ♪ 245 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,973 ALL: ♪ Don't get me down ♪ 246 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,768 (applauds) 247 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,644 - Hey, Jude. - JUDE: You know, I want you 248 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:24,689 to know, I had my come to Jesus moment and... 249 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,486 ...told me to come back to Jesus. 250 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,240 JESUS: Of course, lad. You're forgiven. 251 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:36,826 Honk! 252 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,749 Honk if I love Jesus and I do. 253 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,126 MARK: Aw, they're friends again. There we go. 254 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,545 All right. So, have we decided where we're gonna play? 255 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,922 LUKE: Oh. 256 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,174 Why don't we just do it on the bloody roof? 257 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,676 It'd be great for my hair, wouldn't it? 258 00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,052 Your hair would look great. 259 00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:57,138 Your hair would look problematic. 260 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,682 - Yeah. - MARK: All right then. 261 00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,433 - All right. - Look at my man, Judas. 262 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,018 It's the end of the session. 263 00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,479 (Mary grunting) 264 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,022 MARY: Oh, that's straight water. 265 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,273 There's no substance to that at all. 266 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,608 It just fell right after there. 267 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,151 Oh! 268 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,069 (Mary farting) 269 00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,445 I don't have any toilet paper. 270 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,947 I'll get this guy right here. 271 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,282 Ah, resourceful! 272 00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:20,328 (Mary grunting) 273 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,497 Oh! 274 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:25,291 ♪ Ooh, ooh, Shirley ♪ 275 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,337 REV. JESSE JACKSON: The White politicians continue to fuck us 276 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:32,590 and that's why we started our own Black political caucus. 277 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,384 - (audience laughs) - That's "fauk-us". 278 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,885 - Jesse! - Shirley! 279 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,221 What's happening, Jesse? Gimme five! 280 00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,556 Black inside! 281 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,807 Down low. 282 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,183 You're too slow! 283 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,477 (audience laughs) 284 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,688 So, as a member of the Black community, 285 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:50,275 I was hoping that I would get your support in the election. 286 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,359 Well, maybe you will, 287 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,570 if you give a speech at the podium. 288 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,530 - Pig in a blanket? - Not for me. 289 00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:56,614 Too much sodium. 290 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:57,615 (audience laughs) 291 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,034 How do you do that? 292 00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:01,286 Doesn't matter. Why don't we do it right now? 293 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,205 I'd love to hear you speak. 294 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:07,042 Uh, that would be fun, but you cannot take the podium 295 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:09,461 until Mr. Charlie Rangel is done. 296 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:10,420 (audience laughs) 297 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:13,840 (Conrad scatting) 298 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,676 (audience laughs) 299 00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,429 Did you lock up either endorsement? 300 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,472 Not yet. 301 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:21,473 (audience laughs) 302 00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,016 I'm telling you, a song 303 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,517 would really win them over. 304 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,935 No, no. 305 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,145 No song, 306 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,482 - no gimmicks, no catchphrases. - Oh. 307 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,525 You can Shirley count on that. 308 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,402 (audience laughs) 309 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,237 So, how's it going with Conrad? 310 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,948 CONRAD: Shirley, who are you talking to? 311 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,576 BOTH: Nobody, baby! 312 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,204 (audience laughs) 313 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,413 CONRAD: You better be getting ready 314 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:48,833 'cause I am shaving myself clean in here. 315 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,585 (audience laughs) 316 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,212 You owe me for this. 317 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,880 (mimicking Shirley) Oh, that's good, baby. 318 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,466 I love you silky smooth. 319 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,884 (audience laughs) 320 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:02,180 ALL (chanting): Burn, baby, burn! Burn, baby, burn! 321 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,265 Burn, baby, burn! 322 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,393 (crowd cheers) 323 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:10,271 Yes, yes, yes! Shirley! 324 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,606 Yeah, so Gloria, are you ready to take 325 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,233 that photograph now for the magazine? 326 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,442 You know what, in a few minutes 327 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:15,985 because right now we're burning our bras. 328 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,363 Oh, well, uh, uh, count me in. 329 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,740 - Yes! - (crowd cheers) 330 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,409 - That smells like freedom! - Yes. 331 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:25,995 - Ah! - (crowd cheers) 332 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,957 Um, so how long does this take? 333 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,250 The D-cups take about four minutes 334 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,876 and the B-cups about two minutes. 335 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:35,588 Okay. I would say this is like a C average room, 336 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,008 - so three minutes. Got it. - GLORIA: Okay. 337 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,634 - (audience laughs) - GLORIA: Yes, throw them in, women! 338 00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:40,969 Throw them in! 339 00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,512 (crowd cheers) 340 00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,973 (tense music playing) 341 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,475 (door closes) 342 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,311 (audience laughs) 343 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:57,944 Write this down. 344 00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,487 We want James Brown. 345 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,489 (audience laughs) 346 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,658 I don't wanna push, I'm not gonna preach 347 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:06,036 but I'm going up there and giving a speech. 348 00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,412 I want you up there 349 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,747 for the boasts you will earn, 350 00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,081 but I'm sorry to say, 351 00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:12,959 it is Ron Dellum's turn. 352 00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,252 Ron Dellum! 353 00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:15,628 Dammit! 354 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,548 (audience laughs) 355 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,636 - Now are we making it a walk or a march? - (Shirley coughs) 356 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,722 Oh! Oh, Shirley. 357 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:26,973 You changed? 358 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,558 Yes. 359 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,560 Oh! Um... (chuckles) 360 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,312 Burning that bra felt so good, 361 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,606 I just burned the rest of my outfit. 362 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,984 - (audience laughs) - Can we please take that picture now? 363 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:41,821 Yes, everyone! Photo with presidential candidate, Shirley Chisholm. 364 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,156 Get in here, Bella. 365 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,991 Let's do it. Let's go. Here we go. 366 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,369 - (fire alarm rings) - Oh, my-- Oh, fire! 367 00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:49,037 - Fire! Everyone, get out! - (crowd screaming) 368 00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,914 Let's just-- Let's take the picture first! 369 00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,290 Come back! Let's take-- 370 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:55,001 Ladies, let's take-- Let's take the picture first! 371 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,005 If we don't take the photo, the men win! 372 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,590 (audience laughs) 373 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:03,927 (fire alarm continues) 374 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,847 This is my best bra! 375 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,641 (audience laughs) 376 00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:10,975 ANNOUNCER: Shirley! will be back 377 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,978 after some commercials starring OJ Simpson. 378 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:21,277 MEL BROOKS: The Mongolian Empire. 379 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:27,701 {\an8}Kublai Khan controlled more land than any person 380 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:30,453 in The History of the World, Part Two. 381 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:33,957 But as the saying goes, behind every great man 382 00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:36,584 is 10,000 women. 383 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,378 (upbeat music) 384 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,589 CHABI: I'm Chabi. I'm not a wife of Kublai Khan. 385 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:44,092 I'm his number one wife. 386 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,427 EHRI: I'm Ehri, 387 00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:49,931 and in Xanadu, you Xana-don't wanna cross me. 388 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,057 NAMBUI: My name is Nambui 389 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,726 and I'm grateful for the Khan. 390 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:55,603 Now my parents have fresh meat to eat everyday. 391 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:58,481 CRYSTAL: I'm Crystal, and these other concs don't scare me 392 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,400 because I'm from Beverly Hills. 393 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,152 KAYLA: I'm Kayla. 394 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,820 KAYLAH: And I'm Kaylah. 395 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,781 BOTH: And we're double the fun and double the trouble. 396 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,825 {\an8}(sheep bleating) 397 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,202 {\an8}(sheep bleating) 398 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,663 (sheep bleating) 399 00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,457 ALL: And we're the Real Concubines, 400 00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,000 and we're the Real Concubines, 401 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,376 and we're the Real Concubines, 402 00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:22,839 {\an8}and we're the Real Concubines of Kublai Khan. 403 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:26,885 Welcome to The Real Concubines of Kublai Khan reunion. 404 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:29,512 - (sheep bleats) - I'm your host, Andy Kahn. 405 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,097 We have a great show tonight. 406 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,932 Kublai Khan has so many wives 407 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:37,520 and we have so little time, so I wanna jump right into it. 408 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,272 - Chabi. - Hey, Andy. 409 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,524 Recently you and Ehri have had a little drama. 410 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,651 There's no drama, Andy. 411 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:46,780 My son is 100% heir to the throne. 412 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,406 - The Oracle confirmed it. - Nope. 413 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,742 And Ehri is just freaked out because she's insecure 414 00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:53,203 about her relationship with our husband. 415 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,996 Ha! Well, you know what they say. 416 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,791 - Oracles are for Whore-acles. - (concubines gasp) 417 00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:01,169 You know, Kublai calls you his number two for a reason. 418 00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:02,754 You stink like a pile of dung. 419 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:05,507 You don't know what Kub says or does to me 420 00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,342 the two minutes a week we're together. 421 00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:09,260 Two minutes? Only two minutes? I get four. 422 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,553 Now, this is not the first time 423 00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,889 Chabi and Ehri have gone at each other. 424 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:16,685 Everyone agrees the craziest moment of the season 425 00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:20,730 was the Festival of the Blood Moon Charity Gala. 426 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,107 Let's take a look. 427 00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:24,859 How dare you bring your son here? 428 00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:28,405 This is my son, Travis's, first Blood Moon festival. 429 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,074 You know what? It just so happens that this is also my son, 430 00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:33,702 who's also named Travis's, first Blood Moon Festival. 431 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,370 So you need to back off. 432 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:37,831 And you get that stinking finger outta my face. 433 00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,624 I swear to God, I don't know where it's been. 434 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,377 It's stinking 'cause it's been up our husband's ass(beep). 435 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:43,670 And maybe if yours had been, 436 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,963 your son would be the actual heir. 437 00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,715 - (crowd gasps) - What's up, ladies? 438 00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,008 Daddy's home! 439 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,844 (Chabi and Ehri yelling) 440 00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:51,970 Oh, shit. 441 00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,514 {\an8}- (censor beeping) - (sheep bleating) 442 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,600 (Chabi and Ehri yelling) 443 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,978 I am the mother of the spawn of Kublai Khan, bitch! 444 00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,021 You look like a fool. 445 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,480 - You look like a fool. - You look like a fool! 446 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,357 {\an8}- (sheep bleats loudly) - Shut the (beep) up! 447 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,359 - Flopsy, Flopsy, stop! - Bitch, I could have taken you! 448 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,194 - (censor beep) - (Chabi and Ehri yelling) 449 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,447 - I'm sure you're a virgin. - I'm a virgin? 450 00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:11,948 - I have a son! - ANDY: Hey, ladies sit down. 451 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,742 - (censor beeps) - Everyone stop. Everyone stop. 452 00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:17,996 Ladies, that clip did give us one of the biggest memes 453 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,289 of the season. 454 00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:23,168 It's been rewoven over ten times! 455 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,128 I wanna talk to the manager. 456 00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,297 I am the manager. 457 00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,798 Amazing. 458 00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:33,053 Nambui, what about you? Are you Team Chabi or Team Ehri? 459 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,055 You know, I have to say, I liked it better 460 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,890 when we were all a team, you know? 461 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,975 All of us concs have a bond, 462 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,644 or as I call it, a concu-bond. 463 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,605 (voice breaking) You know what? 464 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,440 You are so right. 465 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,610 And I have so lost sight of that. 466 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:52,655 (voice breaking) Me too. Like, you guys are my sister-in-laws. 467 00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:56,242 - Like, you're actually my sister wives. - KAYLA/KAYLAH: Aww. 468 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,244 - (Ehri sobs) - ANDY KAHN: Crystal, I gotta say. 469 00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,121 I've never seen you cry before. 470 00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,040 I'm not crying about them. 471 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,627 I'm crying because the Italian marble for my Malibu ran out. 472 00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:07,170 (voice breaking) It's on back order. 473 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,589 CONCUBINES: (gasping) Aww. 474 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:13,301 Well, this one ended on a really sweet note. 475 00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:14,803 Before we wrap things up, 476 00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:17,639 does anyone have a small business they wanna promote? 477 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,058 - (sheep bleating) - Okay, all of you. 478 00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,142 Uh, Chabi? 479 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:22,560 Thank you, Andy. 480 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,189 I am so excited to announce that my new hat line, 481 00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:29,109 Shy by Chabi, is dropping soon. 482 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:32,904 It's perfect for the nomadic but sassy lifestyle. 483 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:34,364 That's great. When are they coming out? 484 00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,323 September. 485 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,827 Summer, Spring. Spring. 486 00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:39,911 How about you, Ehri? 487 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:41,246 I am so thrilled to announce 488 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,540 the drop of my new alcohol brand, 489 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,875 Skinny Kahn Margaritas. 490 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,961 - Zero sugar, zero drama. - (beads rattle) 491 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,380 Bitch, you better tell your hat to shut the (beep) up! 492 00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:53,925 {\an8}ALL: We're the Real Concubines of Kublai Khan. 493 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,595 MARY: Step... (coughs) three. 494 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,848 I'm going to take my cabbage, 495 00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,016 and I never use a knife. 496 00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:03,643 I always use my fingers to tear it up. 497 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,520 If you get any little bits of cabbage 498 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,814 under your fingernails, well don't you worry. 499 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,608 {\an8}You just pick it out and throw them in the pot. 500 00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:13,194 It all ends up in the same place anyway, the toilet. 501 00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:15,405 (coughing) 502 00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:16,448 (retching) 503 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,874 ♪ Ooh, ooh, Shirley ♪ 504 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:27,667 (audience applauds) 505 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,461 SHIRLEY: I, I didn't plan any of this, 506 00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,921 but when I saw you two were here tonight, 507 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,382 I had to try to get both of your endorsements. 508 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:37,552 Baby girl, we love and support you. 509 00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,304 We just can't endorse you. 510 00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,221 (audience laughs) 511 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,514 REV. JESSE JACKSON: This is also true for us. 512 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,932 We think you're great. 513 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,684 It's just too much fuss. 514 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,145 - (audience laughs) - It's 1972. 515 00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:49,522 Don't you wanna see a Black woman as president? 516 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,649 We definitely want a woman. 517 00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:54,527 Just, one that can win, like George McGovern. 518 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,863 (audience laughs) 519 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,865 And we definitely want a Black person. 520 00:19:58,865 --> 00:19:59,949 Can't you see? 521 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:02,911 But just, maybe a Black man, 522 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:05,288 someone like me. 523 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,624 (audience laughs) 524 00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:09,918 Love your fro, but we gotta go. 525 00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,670 Okay, bye! 526 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:12,962 AUDIENCE: Aww. 527 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:18,510 - Shirley Saint Anita Hill Chisholm. - (audience laughs) 528 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:23,515 Looks like I figured out the mystery of the lying wife. 529 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:25,475 (audience laughs) 530 00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:29,896 Conrad in a robe in a hotel with my best friend? 531 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,022 How could you? 532 00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:34,442 Oh, stop it! He knows! 533 00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,528 I'm sorry, Conrad. 534 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,571 I got all caught up in the campaign 535 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,490 and then they started burning the bras 536 00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,701 and it set off the fire alarm. 537 00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:44,703 Oh, I, I pulled the fire alarm. 538 00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:47,706 Conrad was about the come out the bathtub naked. 539 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:48,748 I panicked. 540 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,000 (audience laughs) 541 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,627 That's only because I bring the heat. 542 00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:56,214 This weekend was supposed to be all about our anniversary 543 00:20:56,214 --> 00:21:00,218 and instead, I made it all about me and my job. 544 00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:01,261 AUDIENCE: Aww. 545 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,054 It's okay, honey. 546 00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:04,514 You know what they say. 547 00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:07,892 Politics makes for strange bedfellows. 548 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,895 Speaking of, why don't we go upstairs 549 00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,856 and turn up your heat? 550 00:21:12,856 --> 00:21:14,983 Ooh, there we go. 551 00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:17,610 And this is turning my stomach. 552 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,195 Where's that damn window? 553 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,281 (audience laughs) 554 00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:23,408 I love you, Conrad Chisholm. 555 00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:25,952 - AUDIENCE: Aww. - Excuse me? 556 00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:28,788 Sorry, I'm looking for the Democratic National Committee. 557 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,957 CONRAD: Oh, well, you're at the Watergate Hotel. 558 00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:32,792 You want the Watergate office building. 559 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,295 It's down the hall, out the exit, and across the alley. 560 00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:38,798 Thanks. Walk this way, boys. 561 00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:41,801 (audience laughs) 562 00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,636 Did they look suspicious? 563 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,263 No, I'm a private investigator. 564 00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:47,349 There's nothing suspicious about that. 565 00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:51,728 ♪ Ooh, ooh, Shirley ♪ 566 00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:55,565 MEL BROOKS: And now, for the conclusion of 567 00:21:55,565 --> 00:21:57,692 The Last Supper Sessions. 568 00:21:57,692 --> 00:22:01,404 - (crowd murmuring) - (light bass playing) 569 00:22:01,404 --> 00:22:02,989 MARK: Let's see what we got here. 570 00:22:04,282 --> 00:22:05,742 So, we're on the roof then. 571 00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,163 (instruments tuning) 572 00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,082 WOMAN: Hi, Mary! 573 00:22:12,082 --> 00:22:14,793 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 574 00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:17,754 You know, the acoustics up here are actually very lovely. 575 00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:21,841 - ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ - Now, look mate. It's loo-vely. Loo-vely. 576 00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:24,803 Let me try that. Ooh, ooh. Fuck yourself. 577 00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:26,346 Oh. (grumbling) 578 00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:27,806 JESUS: All right, lads. Are we ready? 579 00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:28,932 Let's do this, babies. 580 00:22:28,932 --> 00:22:30,308 One, two, three, four. 581 00:22:30,308 --> 00:22:32,519 - (electricity crackles) - MARK: Oh, no! 582 00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:34,396 - Peter, what the shit? - LUKE: Don't touch me. 583 00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:36,189 It's not the wiring! 584 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,774 Help him out, lad. He got zapped. 585 00:22:37,774 --> 00:22:38,900 Help him, Jesus. Help him. 586 00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:39,984 And rise. 587 00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,903 (gasping) Let's do this, babies. 588 00:22:41,903 --> 00:22:43,822 - Praise Jesus! - MARK: Jesus has brought 589 00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:45,532 Lazarus back from the dead! 590 00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:47,283 Lyric Boy, where are you? 591 00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:48,868 MARK: We need the lyrics to sing the song. 592 00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:50,161 Lyric Boy, come on. 593 00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:52,163 - LYRIC BOY: Here you go. - Okay, ready boys? 594 00:22:52,163 --> 00:22:53,707 One, two, three. 595 00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:56,501 (rock music plays) 596 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,630 ♪ Lovely Lucy was the Pharaoh's daughter ♪ 597 00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:04,634 ♪ Pushing camels through a needle's eye ♪ 598 00:23:04,634 --> 00:23:06,469 ♪ Her chance of heaven was slim ♪ 599 00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:08,888 ♪ So she cashed it all in ♪ 600 00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:12,350 - ♪ Now she got a taste for humble pie ♪ - I love you, Jesus! 601 00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:14,477 ♪ She said give back ♪ 602 00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:16,271 ♪ Give back ♪ 603 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:18,064 ♪ Girl, you can't take it with you ♪ 604 00:23:18,064 --> 00:23:21,901 ♪ Might as well give it back Give back ♪ 605 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,445 - All right, make way. - ♪ Come on, give back ♪ 606 00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,821 Let's go. Clear out. Heads up. 607 00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:26,114 ♪ If you wanna get to heaven ♪ 608 00:23:26,114 --> 00:23:28,491 ♪ Better give back ♪ 609 00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:30,326 (crowd cheers) 610 00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:33,788 (music continues) 611 00:23:33,788 --> 00:23:35,373 It's Jesus and his Apostles. 612 00:23:35,373 --> 00:23:38,043 They're ruining the bloody bazaar. 613 00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:41,671 How am I supposed to sell me dried donkey cock? 614 00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:43,673 ♪ Give back, give back ♪ 615 00:23:43,673 --> 00:23:45,300 ♪ Give something back ♪ 616 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:48,803 Come on, boys. Let's go deal with it. 617 00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:53,141 ♪ She said give back, give back ♪ 618 00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:54,809 ♪ Can't just be a taker ♪ 619 00:23:54,809 --> 00:23:57,187 - (crowd cheering) - ♪ Gotta give something back ♪ 620 00:23:57,187 --> 00:24:00,398 ♪ Give back, come on, give back ♪ 621 00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:02,484 ♪ If you wanna get to heaven ♪ 622 00:24:02,484 --> 00:24:04,611 ♪ Gotta give back ♪ 623 00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:06,029 COPICUS: All right, let's go. We're done here. 624 00:24:06,029 --> 00:24:07,155 That's about enough of this. 625 00:24:07,155 --> 00:24:10,241 And so the song has come to its natural conclusion. 626 00:24:10,241 --> 00:24:11,785 - MARK: Whoa, whoa. - LUKE: Hey, what the-- 627 00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:13,995 - MARY MAGDALINE: Jesus! - MARK: Whoa, what's all this? 628 00:24:13,995 --> 00:24:15,246 MARK: Hey! What is going on? 629 00:24:15,246 --> 00:24:17,749 Huh? Judas never showed up. Weird. 630 00:24:17,749 --> 00:24:20,335 (crowd booing) 631 00:24:20,335 --> 00:24:21,836 Pleasure doing business with you. 632 00:24:22,629 --> 00:24:24,631 I feel like a bit of a traitor, to be honest. 633 00:24:24,631 --> 00:24:27,092 You know who's a traitor is fucking Tom Brady 634 00:24:27,092 --> 00:24:29,552 and Johnny Damon and Babe Ruth. 635 00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:33,098 All fucking traitors, all fake like this fucking set. 636 00:24:33,098 --> 00:24:35,266 Look at this, this supposed to be a street? 637 00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:36,393 It's a fucking carpet. 638 00:24:36,393 --> 00:24:38,144 Man, I, I really don't know how you got on set, 639 00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:39,354 but I'm just tryna, 640 00:24:39,354 --> 00:24:40,647 - we're just trying to do our job. - Oh, I'm sorry. 641 00:24:40,647 --> 00:24:42,857 Am I ruining your little student film here? 642 00:24:42,857 --> 00:24:44,484 - Is that what's happening? - No, this is History of the World, 643 00:24:44,484 --> 00:24:45,527 Part Two for Hulu. 644 00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:47,445 - Mel Brooks, you ever heard of him? - Yeah, I heard-- 645 00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:49,489 There's no way that Mel Brooks is a part of this. 646 00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:50,740 Where's Crafty? 647 00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:52,909 I need a fucking warmer for my Dunkin. 648 00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:56,079 - (beep) - (rock music) 649 00:25:02,002 --> 00:25:05,922 (rock music continues) 650 00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:17,017 (rock music continues) 651 00:25:31,990 --> 00:25:36,619 (rock music continues) 652 00:25:56,306 --> 00:25:59,225 (fanfare) 653 00:25:59,225 --> 00:26:02,270 Captioned by Point.360