1 00:00:09,456 --> 00:00:15,856 The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - Eposode 1.1 1981 English 2 00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:23,117 'This is the story 3 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,870 'of the Hitchhiker's Guide To The... 4 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,117 'perhaps the most remarkable, 5 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,470 'certainly the most successful book 6 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:36,629 'ever to come out of the great publishers of Ursa Minor. 7 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,958 'More popular than The Celestial Home ('are Omnibus, 8 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:43,949 'better selling than Fifty-three More Things To Do In Zero Gravity, 9 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:47,994 'and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy 10 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,955 'of philosophical blockbusters, Where God Went Wrong, 11 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,152 'Some More Of God's Greatest Mistakes 12 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:58,796 'and Who ls This God Person Anyway? 13 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,516 'And in many of the more relaxed civilisation: 14 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,838 'on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, 15 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,590 'the Hitchhiker's Guide has already supplanted 16 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,552 'the great Enqdopaedia Galactica 17 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:15,594 'as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, 18 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:21,000 'for though it has many omissions and contains mud! that is apocryphal 19 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,840 'it scores over the older, more pedestrian work 20 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,792 'in two important respects. 21 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:30,710 'First, it is slightly cheaper and, secondly, it has the words: 22 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:35,709 'inscribed in large, friendly letters on the cover. 23 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,196 'To tell the story of the book, 24 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:43,349 'it is best to tell the story of some of those whose lives it affected. 25 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,837 'A human from the planet Earth was one of them, 26 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,678 'though, as our story opens, 27 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,837 'he no more knows his destiny 28 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,715 'than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company. 29 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,754 'His name is Arthur Dent, he is a six-foot-tall. ape descendant, 30 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:04,273 'and someone is trying to drive a bypass through his home.' 31 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:09,031 [RUMBLING] 32 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,433 [BIRDS TWITTER] 33 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:58,599 Come off it, Mr Dent - you can't win, you know. 34 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,156 You can't lie in front of the bulldozers indefinitely. 35 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,636 I'm game. We'll see who rusts first! 36 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:09,277 You're going to have to accept it. This bypass has got to be built. 37 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,198 Why': it got to be built? 38 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,472 What do you mean - why': it got to be built? 39 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,320 It's a bypass! You've got to build bypasses. 40 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,376 You were entitled to make suggestions or protests at the appropriate time. 41 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,755 Appropriate time?! 42 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,919 The first I heard about it was when a workman arrived yesterday. 43 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,316 I thought he'd come to dean the windows. 44 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,557 He said he'd come to demolish the house! 45 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,149 He didn't tell me straight away, of course. 46 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:38,991 He wiped a couple of windows and charged me £5! Then he told me! 47 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,840 But, Mr Dent, the plans have been available 48 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,600 in the planning office for the last nine months! 49 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,430 Yes, of course. As soon as I heard, I went straight round to see them. 50 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:53,510 You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to draw attention to them! 51 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,996 But the plans were on display! 52 00:03:56,200 --> 00:04:00,114 On display? I eventually had to go dawn to the cellar! 53 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,436 - That's the display department! - With a torch! 54 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:04,278 - No lights. - No stairs! 55 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,632 - But you did see the notice? - Oh, yes. 56 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:11,231 It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet, 57 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,796 in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door, 'Beware of the leopard!' 58 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:19,631 Ever thought of going into advertising? [ENGINE STARTS] 59 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,755 And you don't get me like that either! 60 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,709 Mr Dent... 61 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,675 have you any idea haw mud! damage this bulldozer would suffer 62 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,917 if I were to let it run over you? 63 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,077 How much? 64 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,351 None at all! 65 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,478 'By a strange coincidence, 'None at all' 66 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:49,799 'is exactly haw mud! suspicion the ape descendant Arthur Dent had 67 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:54,119 'that one of his closest friends was not descended from an ape, 68 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,118 'but was in fact from a small planet 69 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,278 'somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse. 70 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:03,030 'Arthur Dent's failure to suspect this 71 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:07,552 'reflects the care with which his friend blended into human society, 72 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:11,879 'after a fairly shaky start, when he first arrived 15 years ago. 73 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,789 'The minimal research he had done suggested to him 74 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,630 'that the name Ford Prefect would be nicely inconspicuous. 75 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:26,795 'He will. enter our story in 30 seconds and say, 76 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,957 "Hello, Arthur.' 77 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:32,596 'The ape descendant will greet him in return 78 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,475 'but, in deference to a million years of human evolution, 79 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,751 'won't attempt to pick fleas off him. 80 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,430 'Earthmen are not proud of their ancestors 81 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,233 'and never invite them to dinner.' 82 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,951 Hello, Arthur. 83 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,117 Ford, hi. Haw are you? 84 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,038 Fine. 85 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,713 Look, are you busy? 86 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:10,551 Busy?! Well. I've just got this bulldozer to lie in front of, 87 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:14,719 or it'll knock my house dawn, but otherwise no, not especially. Why? 88 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:19,232 - Good. Anywhere we can talk? - What? 89 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,398 - We've got to talk. - Fine! Talk. 90 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,240 And drink. It's vitally important that we talk and drink. Now! 91 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,193 - We'll go to the pub. - You don't understand. 92 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,516 He wants to knock my house dawn. 93 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,839 - He can do it whilst you're away. - I don't want him to! 94 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,031 Ford? What's the matter? 95 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,436 Nothing... nothing's the matter. 96 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,871 I've got to tell you the most important thing you've ever heard. 97 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:46,630 - I've got to tell. you NOW in the pub. - why? 98 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,356 - Because you'll need a stiff drink! - No! No! What about my house? 99 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,473 - He wants to knock your house dawn? - Yes. 100 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,150 - But you're lying in the way? - Exactly! 101 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:03,069 I think we can come to some arrangement. 102 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,356 - Excuse me! - Hello? Yes? 103 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,756 Has Mr Dent come to his senses yet? 104 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,873 ('An we, for the moment, assume he hasn't? 105 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,559 Well? 106 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,071 ('An we also assume that he's going to be staying there all day? 107 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:20,873 SQ? 108 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:25,756 So all your men are going to be standing around, doing nothing. 109 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,829 Could be, could be... 110 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:34,876 If you're resigned to that, you don't actually need him to lie there? 111 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:38,198 Not as such. Not exactly 'need'... 112 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:43,190 So pretend he's there. Then we could go to the pub. How does that sound? 113 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:47,075 Er... that sounds perfectly reasonable I suppose. 114 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:51,035 And if you want to pop off for a quid; one yourself later on, 115 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,312 we'll. always cover for you in return. 116 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:59,276 Yes, thank you very much. That's very kind. 117 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,471 So if you'd just like to lie dawn... 118 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,318 What? 119 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:05,033 It's very simple. 120 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,038 Mr Dent will stop lying in the mud 121 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,312 - on condition that you take over. - What? 122 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,431 5orry?? 123 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:16,679 You want me... to come and lie dawn there? 124 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:21,477 - Yes. - In front of the bulldozer? 125 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,274 - Yes. - Instead of Mr Dent? 126 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:28,189 - Yes. - In the mud? 127 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:32,155 In, as you say, the mud. 128 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:37,719 In return for which, you will. take Mr Dent down to the pub? 129 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,319 Yes. 130 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,431 Promise? 131 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:42,914 Promise. 132 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:49,638 - Get up and let the man lie dawn. - Thank you. 133 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:01,234 And no sneaky knocking Mr Dent's house down while he's away. 134 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,513 The slightest thought hadn't even begun to speculate 135 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:09,554 about the merest possibility of crossing my mind. 136 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,719 - But can we trust him? - To the end of the Earth. 137 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,276 - Yes, but haw fars that? - About 12 minutes away. 138 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,154 Come on. We've got to get some alcohol 139 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,910 'Here's what the Enqdopaedia Galactica has to say about alcohol 140 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:28,034 'It says that alcohol is a colourless volatile liquid 141 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,834 'formed by the fermentation of sugars, 142 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,873 'and also notes its intoxicating effect 143 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,037 'on certain carbon-based lifeforms. 144 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:40,199 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy also mentions alcohol 145 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,198 'It says the: 146 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,957 '..the effect of which 147 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:03,119 'is like having your brain smashed out with a slice of lemon... 148 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,709 'wrapped round a large gold brick. 149 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,355 'The Guide also tells you 150 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:13,555 'on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, 151 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,798 'how much you can expect to pay for one 152 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:21,471 'and what voluntary organisations exist to help you rehabilitate. 153 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,593 'The man who invented this mind-pummelling drink 154 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,794 'also invented the wisest remark ever made, which was this: 155 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,160 'His name is: 156 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,990 'and we shall learn more of his wisdom later.' 157 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:59,030 Six pints of bitter. And quickly, please. The world's about to end. 158 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,516 Oh, yes, sir? Nice weather for it. 159 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:05,350 - Going to the match today, sir? - No. No point. 160 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,039 Foregone conclusion, then? 161 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,754 - Arsenal no dunce? - No, the wand': about to end. 162 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:14,591 Oh, yes, sir. So you said. Lucky escape for Arsenal if it did. 163 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:20,000 - No, not really. - There you are, sir. Six pints. 164 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,793 Keep the change. 165 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,877 What? From a fiver? Thank you, sir! 166 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,276 You've got ten minutes to spend it! 167 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:35,438 What the hell's going on? I'm losing my grip on the day. 168 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:39,395 - Drink up. Three pints to go! - Three pints? At lunchtime? 169 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,240 Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. 170 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:47,071 Send that in to the Reader's Digest. There's a page for people like you! 171 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,840 - Drink up. - Why three pints? 172 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,793 Muscle relaxant. You're going to need it. 173 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,276 Did I do something wrong this morning 174 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,915 or has the world always been like this, 175 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:01,192 and I was too wrapped up in myself to notice? 176 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,155 I'll try to explain. 177 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:11,197 - How long have we known each other? - Er, five years, maybe six. 178 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,392 Most of it made some kind of sense at the time. 179 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:18,878 Haw would you react if I told you I'm not from Guildford after all. 180 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,869 But from a smell planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse? 181 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,391 Why - do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say? 182 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,877 Drink up. The world is about to end. 183 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:34,438 This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays. 184 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,917 'On this particular Thursday. 185 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,715 'Things were moving through the ionosphere. 186 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:46,038 'Many miles above the surface of the planet, 187 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,358 'several huge yellow slab-like something's... 188 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,791 'huge as office blocks, silent as birds, 189 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:57,312 'they hung in the air exactly the same way that bricks don't. 190 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,989 'The planet was almost totally oblivious of their presence. 191 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,396 'They went unnoticed at Goonhilly, 192 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,479 'they passed over Cape Canaveral without a blip, 193 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,116 'and Woomera and Jodrell Bank looked straight through them. 194 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:16,154 'A pity, because it was the sort of thing they'd looked for for ages. 195 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:21,389 'Arthur Dent, too, had other things on his mind.' 196 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,114 [RUMBLING] What's that? 197 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,960 - They haven't started yet. - Good. 198 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,958 - Probably your house. - What? 199 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:33,233 - Five minutes to go. - Damn you and your fairy stories! 200 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,670 Stop, you vandals! You home Wreckers! 201 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:39,555 - You half-crazed Visigoths, stop! - Arthur! Stop! It's pointless! 202 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,196 Barman, quickly, can you just give me four packets of peanuts? 203 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,596 I'm just sewing this gentleman. 204 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,110 He's going to die shortly! Come on! 205 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,630 Just a minute, sir. 206 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,750 Do you mind, sir? 207 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,399 Pork scratchings... 208 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,592 - Peanuts! How much? - What? 209 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,314 Have it. 210 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:09,353 Have it. Keep it! 211 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,678 Is the world really going to end this afternoon? 212 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,872 Yes, in just over 3 minutes and 5 seconds. 213 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,755 - But isn't there anything we can do? - No, nothing. 214 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:24,079 I thought we were meant to lie down or put a paper bag over our head. 215 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,351 Yes, if you like. 216 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:31,077 - Oh, will that help? - No. Excuse me. I've got to go. 217 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,669 Oh, well. then... 218 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,752 Last orders, please! 219 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,838 You pin-striped barbarians! I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! 220 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,798 I'll have you hung, drawn, quartered, 221 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,719 and whipped and boiled... until.. 222 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,196 Until you've had enough! 223 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:59,633 Arthur, don't... There's no point. There's only a minute or so left. 224 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,990 And then I'll do it some more! 225 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:06,558 I'll take all the little bits and jump on them till I get blisters, 226 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:10,515 or I think of something [DRONING] What the hell's that? 227 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,876 Arthur, quid'! Over here! 228 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,435 What the hell is it? 229 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,439 It's a fleet of flying saucers - what do you think it is? 230 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:27,914 Hold this. 231 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,351 - What do you mean, flying saucers? - A Vogon constructor fleet. 232 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,551 - What? - A Vogon constructor fleet. 233 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:38,391 I picked up newts of their arrival a few hours ago on my sub-etha radio. 234 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,831 I can't cope with this. I'm going to have to have a lie-dawn. 235 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,395 No, stay here. Stay calm. 236 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,511 Take hold of this... 237 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,954 [HOOTER] 238 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,752 People of Earth, attention, plum! 239 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,834 People of Earth, attention, please! 240 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,997 This is Prostetnic Vogon jellz 241 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,999 of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning CounciL 242 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,396 As you are probably aware. 243 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,514 The plans for the outlying regions of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy 244 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,236 require a hyperspace express route to be built through your star system, 245 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:02,195 and, regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. 246 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:05,870 The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. 247 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,356 ([Thank you my mun'). 248 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,997 [ANGRY, CONFUSED SHOUTING] 249 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:17,273 - Gel: out of it! - No! No! No! Go away! 250 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,277 All. the planning charts and demolition orders 251 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,836 have been on display in your local planning department in Alpha Centauri 252 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:29,553 for SO Earth years, 253 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,390 and so you've had plenty of time to lodge any complaints. 254 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,591 It's far too late to make a fuss now! 255 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,553 [ANGRY SHOUTING] 256 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,991 What do you mean you've never been to Alpha Centauri? 257 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,795 Oh, for heaven's sake, mankind! It's only four light years away! 258 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,517 Sony, but if you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, 259 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:54,190 that's your own lookout! Energise the demolition beam! 260 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,792 God I don't know! Apathetic bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all! 261 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,318 - I bought some peanuts. - Uh...? 262 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,399 We've just been through a matter-transference beam. 263 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,796 You've lost some salt and protein. 264 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,196 The beer should have helped. 265 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,392 - Haw do you feel? - Like a military academy. 266 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,750 Bits of me keep passing out! 267 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:18,558 Ford, if I asked you where the hell we were, would I regret it? 268 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,637 We're safe. 269 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,353 Ah, good. 270 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:26,349 We're in a cabin of one of the ships of the Vogon constructor fleet. 271 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,916 Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' 272 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,794 I wasn't previously aware of. What are you doing? 273 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,593 Looking for the light. 274 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:39,033 - How did we get here? - We hitched a lift. 275 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:43,313 Excuse me! Are you telling me we just stud; our thumbs out 276 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,636 and some green bug-eyed monster said, 277 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:49,390 'Hop in! I can take you as far as Basingstoke roundabout'? 278 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,876 Well. the thumb': a sub-etha device, 279 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,720 and the roundabouts at Bamards Star, but that's more or less right. 280 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,673 - And the bug-eyed monster? - ls green! 281 00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,712 Fine. 282 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:05,359 - When can I go home? - You can't. Ah! 283 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:10,680 Good grief! ls this really the interior of a flying saucer? 284 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,679 Yes. What do you think? 285 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,633 It's a bit squalid, isn't it? 286 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,798 [GROANING] 287 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,676 - What the hell is it, Ford? - Come on! Let's get out of here! 288 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,837 It's going to attack us. 289 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:31,113 No, no, no, it just wants us to turn the lights out. 290 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,557 Come on. 291 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:40,958 Shh! Sleeping quarters. We woke them up. 292 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,391 Ford, they were... 293 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,671 What? 294 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,518 Aliens? 295 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,199 Dentrassi. 296 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,473 But, Ford... 297 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,391 What's going on? 298 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,558 - Here, have a look at this. - What is it? 299 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:02,549 The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, an electronic book. 300 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,196 - It'll. tell. you everything. - I like the cover. 'Don't panic'! 301 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:11,110 - First helpful thing anyone's said! - That's why it sells so well Shh! 302 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,958 What? 303 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,910 'Don't panic'! 304 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,679 Look... 305 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,677 Fast wind index... V. 306 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,839 Vogon Constructor Fleets. Enter that code and see what it says. 307 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,758 I'll. keep watch. 308 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:39,196 [BEEPING] 'Vogon Constructor Fleets: 309 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,870 [BURP] 310 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,230 What an extraordinary book! 311 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,592 - Haw did we get on board, then? - The Dentrassi let us on board. 312 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,996 - You said Bogons. - Vogons. 313 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,635 - Not Dentrassi? - No. 314 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,958 Dentrassi are the in-flight: caterers. 315 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:51,199 Hey. Hagra biscuit! The greatest! 316 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:57,316 You'll lave these guys! They cook the hoopiest frood food in the West Galaxy! 317 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,591 Here, have a bite. 318 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:04,351 Go on, try it. Your mouth will lave you for the rest of your life. 319 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,520 It's revolting! 320 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,553 Oh, come on! This stuff is the greatest. 321 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,115 Mmm! 322 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,394 I think those guys must really hate the Vogons. 323 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,559 Now, remember this - Dentrassi hate Vogons. 324 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:32,550 That's why they let us on board. Let's go! 325 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:37,834 But if they let us on board, why doesn't the Guide mention them? 326 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,190 Oh, it's not very accurate. 327 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:41,720 Oh? 328 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,799 I'm researching the new edition. 329 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,916 Ah, storeroom. 330 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,476 Where are we going? 331 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,355 Who knows? Off this ship, that's for sure! 332 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:08,919 We've only just arrived. Shouldn't we say hello and thank you and things? 333 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,555 Listen, this is a Vogon spaceship. 334 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,230 We just pick up what we need and get off it! Right? 335 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:16,999 Right. 336 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,159 - Stun guns. - Any good? 337 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:24,759 NO. 338 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,589 Ford, who are you? 339 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,872 I told you - I'm a field researcher for the Guide. 340 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,037 Telecom systems. 341 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,516 [WHOOP] 342 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,872 I got stud; on Earth longer than I meant. 343 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,471 Went for a week, got stud; for 15 years. 344 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,390 Telepsychic helmets. 345 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,593 Huh-huh! 346 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,553 Haw did you get here in the first place? 347 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:59,960 Easy. I got a lift with a teaser... Hypno rays? 348 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,673 Teasers? 349 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:03,871 Rid! kids with nothing to do. 350 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:05,718 They cruise around the Galaxy 351 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,515 looking for planets that no one': made contact with yet and buzz them. 352 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,519 - Buzz them? - Yeah. They find some isolated spot, 353 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,315 land right by some unsuspecting soul that no one's ever going to believe, 354 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,797 and strut up and dawn in front of them, making beep-beep noises. 355 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,230 Rather childish, really. 356 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,991 Ah! 357 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,110 A towel! Keep this. 358 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,391 - Guard it with your life. - Huh? 359 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,716 Listen, it's a tough universe. 360 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:39,437 All sorts of people trying to kill you, rip you off. everything... 361 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,790 If you're going to survive out there, 362 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,913 you've really got to know where your towel is. 363 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:49,477 Now, fish. 364 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,353 Huh? 365 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,756 Fish. Over here, I think. 366 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,678 Fish? 367 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:05,271 [ELECTRONIC WHIRRING] 368 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,629 Fish. 369 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,354 - Very nice. - Very, very usefuL 370 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,752 [BLEEPING] 371 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,839 - What do I do with it? - Stick it in your ear. 372 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:22,034 It's only little! [GURGLING] Listen... 373 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,311 - What? - The Vogon captain. 374 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,832 - But I can't speak Vogon. - Put this in your ear! 375 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,680 Should have a good time. Message repeat... 376 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,669 This is your captain speaking, so pay attention. 377 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:38,872 First of all. I see from our instruments 378 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:43,233 That we have a couple of hitchhiker's on board. Hello, wherever you are! 379 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:47,798 I just want to make it totally clear that you are not at all welcome. 380 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,560 I worked hard to get where I am today 381 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,195 and I didn't become captain of a Vogon ship 382 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:58,031 simply to turn it into a taxi service for a lot of degenerate freeloaders. 383 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,390 I have sent out a search party 384 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,194 and, as soon as they find you, I shall turn you off the ship. 385 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:07,075 If you're very lucky, I might read you some of my poetry first. 386 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,591 Secondly. we are about to jump into hyperspace! 387 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,633 For the journey to Bamards Star. 388 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,470 We will stay in dock for 72 hours and all planet leave is cancelled. 389 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,069 I've just had an unhappy lave affair, 390 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,033 so I don't see why anybody else should have a good time. 391 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:25,914 - Message ends. - Poetry? 392 00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:27,793 What are you doing? 393 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:32,631 Preparing for hyperspace. It's unpleasantly like being drunk. 394 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:37,118 - What's so wrong about being drunk? - Ask a glass of water. Lie down. 395 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:41,871 - Grip the towel between your ankles. - What? 396 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:43,878 Just do it! 397 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,873 Like this? 398 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:48,753 Right. 399 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,709 Now wait... 400 00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:00,434 What exactly am I doing with this fish in my ear? 401 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,554 It's translating for you. Look in the book under Babel Fish. 402 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,350 [WHOOSHING] What's happening? 403 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:15,110 We're going into hyperspace. 404 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,073 I'll never be cruel to a gin and tonic again! 405 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,351 Hey, this towel': moved! 406 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:22,191 Yes. That's a six-light-year jump. Good. 407 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,835 We must be near Bamards Star. 408 00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:27,509 - We can jump a ship there. - ('an we? 409 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,839 Ford, I hate to ask this, but what am I doing here? 410 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,395 Simple. I rescued you from the Earth. 411 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,399 - What happened to the Earth? - It's been disintegrated. 412 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,878 - Has it? - Yes. just boiled away into space. 413 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,073 Listen, I'm a bit upset about that... 414 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,270 Oh, well.. 415 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,990 All gone? Nothing left? 416 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,636 What about the book? Maybe the book's got something! 417 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,036 [WHIRRING] 418 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,436 It doesn't seem to have an entry. 419 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:04,677 Yes, it does - at the bottom. 420 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:08,714 Under Eccentrica Gullumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Emticon 6. 421 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,594 Oh, yes. What does it say? 422 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:17,751 - 'Harmless'. One word? Harmless? - Well, it's the old edition. 423 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,600 There are 100 billion stars in the Galaxy. 424 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:26,034 - No one knew mud! about Earth then! - I hope you managed to rectify that! 425 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:31,792 - I sent a new entry to the editor. - What does it say new? 426 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,560 - Mostly harmless. - Mostly harmless? 427 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:38,230 I think that's pretty good coverage for a disintegrated pile of rubble! 428 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,478 That's meant to make me feel better? 429 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,674 Come on! Let's get to the teleport. 430 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,396 [ROARING] 431 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,637 What's the hell's that? 432 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,117 If we're lucky, it's a Vogon come to throw us out into space. 433 00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,470 And if we're unlucky? 434 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,310 The Vogon captain might want to read us some of his poetry first.