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03 The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - Eposode 1.3 1981 English
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'Far back
in the mists of ancient time,
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'in the great and glorious days
of the former Galactic Empire,
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'life was wild, rich
and, on the whole, tax-free.
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'Mighty starships plied their way
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'between exotic suns,
seeking adventure and reward
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'amongst the furthest reaches
of Galactic space.
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'In those days, spirits were brave,
stakes were high, men were real men,
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'women were real women,
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00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,760
'and small furry creatures
from Alpha Centauri
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'were real small furry creatures
from Alpha Centauri.
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'All dared to brave unknown terrors,
to do mighty deeds,
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'to boldly split infinitives
that no man had split before.
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'And thus was the Empire forged.
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'Many men, of course,
became extremely rich,
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'but this was perfectly natural
and nothing to be ashamed of,
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'because no one was really poor -
at least no one worth speaking of.
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'And for these
extremely rich merchants,
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'life eventually became rather dull,
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'and it seemed that none
of the worlds they settled on
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'was entirely satisfactory.
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'Either the climate wasn't quite right
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'in the later part
of the afternoon...
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'or the day
was half an hour too long...
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'... or the sea
was just the wrong shade of pink. '
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'And thus were created the conditions
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'for a staggering new form
of industry -
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'custom-made luxury planet building.
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'The home of this industry
was the planet Magrathea,
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'where vast hyperspatial
engineering works were constructed
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'to suck matter
through white holes in space
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'and form it into dream planets,
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'lovingly made
to meet the exacting standards
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'of the Galaxy's richest men.
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'And so successful was this venture
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'that very soon Magrathea itself
became the richest planet of all time
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'and the rest of the Galaxy
was reduced to abject poverty.
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'And so the system broke down.
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'The Empire collapsed
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'and a long, sullen silence
settled over the Galaxy...
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'Magrathea itself disappeared
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'and its memory soon passed
into the obscurity of legend.
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'In these enlightened days,
no one believes a word of it. '
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I don't believe a word of it.
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Listen to me, Ford, I've found it.
I swear I've found it!
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- Magrathea?
- Yeah!
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- A non-existent planet.
- Yeah, er, no... Listen... it's...
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Myth. Magrathea's a fairy story.
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What you tell kids if you want them
to grow up to become economists.
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We are currently in orbit around it!
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YOU may be in orbit around it!
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- Computer!
- Oh, no!
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Hi, there, this is Eddie,
your shipboard computer,
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and I'm feeling just great, guys.
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I'll get a bundle of kicks out
of any program you care to run!
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- Is this necessary?
- Computer, what is our trajectory?
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A real pleasure, fella!
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We are currently in orbit
at an altitude of 300 miles
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around the legendary planet
Magrathea. Golly!
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Proving nothing. I wouldn't trust
that computer to speak my weight!
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- I can do that!
- No, thank you
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I can even work out your personality
problems to ten decimal places.
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Take us down, Computer.
Take us down nice and low.
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What's going on?
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According to Zaphod,
Magrathea is this legendary planet,
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which no one seriously believes in.
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And now we're going to land on it.
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Oh? Is there any tea
on this spaceship?
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That is the planet
we're orbiting around
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and that is Magrathea!
They're the same!
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- Check, check, check!
- Check, check, check (!)
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Can we see it at all, Computer?
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- Hi, there.
- Can we see it
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From up here? No way!
You wouldn't want to anyway.
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It's just cold and grey
and a whole bunch of no fun.
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Great! For this,
I got my ears pierced!
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With half the Empire's wealth stored
on it, it can afford to look frumpy!
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- I don't believe you.
- Why not?
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You tend to lie a lot. I think
it's just any old dead planet.
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The suspense is killing me (!)
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'Stress and nervous tension
are now serious social problems
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'in all parts of the Galaxy,
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'and it is in order
that this situation
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'should not be in any way exacerbated
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'that the following facts
will now be revealed in advance.
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'The planet in question is,
in fact, Magrathea.
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'The missile attack
shortly to be launched
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'by an ancient
automatic defence system
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'will merely result
in the breakage of three coffee cups
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'and a mouse cage,
the bruising of someone's upper arm
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'and the untimely creation
and demise of a bowl of petunias...
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'and an innocent sperm whale.
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'In order that some sense of mystery
should still be preserved,
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'no revelation will yet be made
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'concerning whose upper arm
has been bruised.
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'This fact may safely be made
the subject of suspense
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'since it is
of no significance whatsoever.
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'Arthur's next question
is very complex and difficult
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'and Zaphod's answer is wrong
in every important respect. '
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Is it safe?
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Of course! It's been dead
for five million years.
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Greetings to you.
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Computer, what's this?
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A five-million-year-old holotape
being broadcast at us.
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This is a recorded announcement
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as I'm afraid we're all out
at the moment.
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The Commercial Council
of Magrathea...
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- A voice from ancient Magrathea!
- OK, OK!
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Regrets that the entire planet
is temporarily closed for business.
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Thank you.
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Leave your name
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and the address of the planet
where you can be contacted
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when you hear the tone.
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They want us to leave.
What do we do?
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- We keep going. Got that, Computer
- Got it!
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It is most gratifying
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that your enthusiasm for our planet
continues unabated...
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and so we would like to assure you
that the guided missiles
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currently converging with your ship
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are part of a special service
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we extend to all
of our most enthusiastic clients,
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and the fully-armed nuclear warheads
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are, of course,
merely a courtesy detail.
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We look forward to your custom
in future lives. Thank you.
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If that's their sales pitch,
what's the complaints department like?
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Listen, you semi-evolved simian!
Will you crowbar this into your cranium?
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We just triggered off
an ancient recording device.
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00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,120
- It doesn't apply to us.
- And the missiles?
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Missiles? You want to make me laugh?
Show me some missiles!
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I think they're going to have
a very good try at applying to us.
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What?
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00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:27,200
Terrific! They're trying to kill us!
You know what that means?
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00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,360
- Yes, we're going to die.
- Yeah... no... maybe...
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00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,936
It means there's something down
there they don't want us to have,
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00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,000
and if they don't want us
to have it that badly,
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- I want to have it even worse.
- So there is someone down there?
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No. It's automatic defence systems.
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- What are we going to do?
- Just keep cool.
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Is that all?
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Er, no, we're also going
to take evasive action.
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00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,240
Computer,
what evasive action can we take?
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00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,240
- Er, none, I'm afraid, guys.
- Or something...
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There's something
jamming my guidance systems.
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Impact minus 150 seconds.
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Sorry. I didn't mean that.
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00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:04,200
Please call me Eddie
if it will help you relax.
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Right, Computer, I want full
manual control of this ship now!
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00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,960
- You got it.
- But can you fly her?
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- No. Can you?
- No.
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- Ford?
- No.
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Fine. We'll do it together.
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- I can't either.
- I'd guessed.
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Computer,
activate the manual consoles.
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Sure thing. Good luck, guys.
Impact minus 125 seconds.
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Here goes!
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- We're veering too far.
- She's going into a spin!
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00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,360
Then, dive her out of it! Dive! Dive!
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'It is, of course,
more or less at this point
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'that one of our heroes sustains
a slight bruise to the upper arm.
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'This should be emphasised because,
as has already been revealed,
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00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,840
'they escape
otherwise completely unharmed,
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'and the deadly nuclear missiles
do not eventually hit the ship.
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00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,040
'Our heroes' safety
is absolutely assured. '
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00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,400
Impact minus 88 seconds, guys.
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You can't shake them!
We're going to die!
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# When you walk through the storm
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# Hold your head up high... #
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Shut that bloody computer up!
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00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,720
Zaph, do you think
we can stabilise at XO0547
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00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,960
if we split our flight path
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tangentially across the vector
of 9 GX 78
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00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,840
with a 5-degree inertial correction?
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00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:31,840
What? Yes, I expect so. Just do it!
Do you think she's bluffing?
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00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:35,200
Here goes!
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00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:41,600
Hey, where'd you learn
a stunt like that?
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Going round Hyde Park Corner
on a moped.
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00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,120
- What?
- I'll tell you later. Hold tight.
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# And you'll never walk alone... #
179
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:05,000
The missiles are gaining on us!
We are quite definitely going to die!
180
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,880
Hey! Why don't we use
the Improbability Drive?
181
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,720
Are you crazy? Without programming,
anything could happen.
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00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,440
Whereas, at the moment,
we just definitely die. Is that it?
183
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,560
Does anyone have a good reason for
not using the Improbability Drive?
184
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:28,320
It's been great getting to know
all you guys. God bless.
185
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:33,120
Does anyone have a good reason
for not using the Improb...?
186
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:49,200
- What the photon happened?
- Well, there's this switch here...
187
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,640
- Where are we?
- Exactly where we were, I think.
188
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,800
What about the missiles?
189
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:58,440
Well, according to this, they have
turned into a bowl of petunias
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00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,080
and a very surprised-looking whale.
191
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:07,400
At an Improbability Level
of 8,767,128 to 1 against.
192
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:11,400
- Did you think of that, Earthman?
- Well, all I did was...
193
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,080
That's a pretty hoopy piece
of thinking, you know that?
194
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,280
- It was nothing, really...
- Was it? Oh, well, forget it.
195
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,600
OK, Computer, take us in to land.
196
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,920
I say it was nothing...
Obviously, it was something.
197
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,280
I was just trying to say
198
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:28,320
that it's not worth making
too much of a fuss about...
199
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,720
saving everybody's lives...
200
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,360
'Another thing
that nobody made too much fuss about
201
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,520
'was that, against all probability,
202
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,680
'a sperm whale had suddenly
been called into existence
203
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,760
'some miles above
the surface of an alien planet.
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00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,440
'And since this is not a naturally
tenable position for a whale,
205
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:50,160
'this innocent creature
had very little time
206
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,400
'to come to terms
with its identity as a whale
207
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,800
'before it had to come to terms with
suddenly not being a whale any more. '
208
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,560
Ah! What's happening? Er, excuse me?
209
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,680
Who am I? Why am I here?
What's my purpose in life?
210
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,040
What do I mean by, "Who am I"?
211
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,480
Calm down! Get a grip now!
212
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,640
Oh, this is an interesting sensation.
213
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:15,560
It's a sort of yawning,
tingling sensation in my... my...
214
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,880
Well, I better start finding names
for things...
215
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,880
So let's call it my stomach.
216
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,960
So, a yawning, tingling sensation
in my stomach.
217
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,480
And that whistling, roaring sound?
218
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,240
That can be wind.
219
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,480
Perhaps I can find a better name
for it later...
220
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,960
Hey, what's this thing?
221
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,800
Let's call it a tail! Yeah, tail.
222
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:45,360
Hey, I can really thrash it about
pretty good, can't I? Wow! Wow! Hey!
223
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,680
Doesn't seem to achieve much,
224
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,880
but I'll probably figure out
what it's for later on.
225
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,360
Oh, hey, this is really exciting!
226
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,840
So much to find out about,
so much to look forward to,
227
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,760
I'm dizzy with anticipation...
228
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,920
What's this thing
suddenly coming towards me very fast?
229
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:06,040
Very, very fast...
230
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:10,880
so big and flat and wide,
it needs a big, wide-sounding word...
231
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:15,440
like round... round... ground!
232
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:19,880
That's it-ground! I wonder
if it will be friends with me?
233
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,640
'Curiously enough,
234
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:28,120
'the only thing that went through
the mind of the bowl of petunias was:
235
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,880
'Many people have speculated
236
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:36,080
'that if we knew exactly why the bowl
of petunias had thought that,
237
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,480
'we should know a lot more
about the Universe than we do now.
238
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,680
'Meanwhile,
Trillian is about to announce
239
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,160
'a discovery of huge importance,
240
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,160
'though this is not immediately
recognised by her companions. '
241
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:54,080
- Hey, my white mice have escaped!
- Nuts to your white mice!
242
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,120
- Are we taking the Paranoid Android?
- Yeah, we'll take him.
243
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,040
Don't feel you have to notice me (!)
244
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,560
What are you supposed to do
with a manically depressed robot?
245
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,120
You think you've got problems?
246
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:15,120
What are you supposed to do if
you ARE a manically depressed robot?
247
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,960
No, don't try to answer that.
248
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:22,840
I'm 50,000 times as intelligent as you
and even I don't know the answer.
249
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:28,160
It gives me a headache just trying
to think down to your level!
250
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,320
Good afternoon, boys.
251
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,480
- What's that?
- The computer.
252
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:36,920
It's an emergency back-up personality
that I thought might work out better.
253
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,520
Now, this is going to be
your first day on a strange planet,
254
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,960
so wrap up warm
and no playing with any monsters.
255
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,400
- A slide rule might be better (!)
- Who said that?
256
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,560
Open up that exit hatch, please.
257
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,200
Not until whoever said that owns up.
258
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:51,880
Oh, God!
259
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,840
I'm waiting.
I can wait all day if necessary!
260
00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:01,920
Computer, if you don't open
that exit hatch pretty damn pronto,
261
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,640
I shall go straight to your major
data banks with a very large axe
262
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:11,040
and give you a reprogramming
you'll never forget.
263
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,520
OK, get the axe.
264
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:21,240
Please enjoy your day
on this planet.
265
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:26,600
I can see this relationship
is something we'll have to work at.
266
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,800
OK, come on, you guys. Let's go!
267
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,280
Yeah!
268
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,960
It's fantastic!
269
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,320
Desolate hole!
270
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,000
It's so stark and dreary!
271
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:55,120
It's absolutely fantastic!
It's only just getting through to me.
272
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:59,720
A whole new alien world, thousands
of light years away from home...
273
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,560
Pity it's such a dump!
274
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:06,000
I could have a better time
in a cat litter.
275
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,360
What's this?
276
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:26,640
- Whalemeat.
- Eugh!
277
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,080
Come on, you guys,
we've got to get into this planet!
278
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,400
I'm not into it!
279
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,800
- INTO it!
- INTO it?
280
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,360
Would you stay out here
in a dump like this?
281
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,360
The Magratheans
all lived underground, you know.
282
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,000
Why-was the surface polluted
or over-populated?
283
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,240
No, they just didn't
like it very much.
284
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,440
There's an opening in the ground.
285
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,800
Looks like a tunnel.
286
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,680
OK, guys, here we go!
287
00:17:55,920 --> 00:18:00,000
Let's get on in there!
288
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,720
Into the interior of the planet!
289
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,040
That is where we have to go!
290
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:09,680
Down into the very depths
of time itself,
291
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,960
where no man has trod
these five million years!
292
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:18,680
We are not going to be great,
we are not going to be amazing -
293
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:23,840
we are going to be amazingly amazing!
294
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:29,200
- Sounds awful!
- Can it, Marvin!
295
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:38,800
Life, loathe it or ignore it -
you can't like it!
296
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,720
Are you sure
you know what you're doing?
297
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,120
We've been attacked once already!
298
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,280
Look, kid, I promise you,
299
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:52,040
the live population of this planet
is nil plus the five of us.
300
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,640
Let's get on in there, OK?
301
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,640
OK.
302
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,280
Hey, Earthman...
303
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,680
- Earthman...
- Arthur.
304
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,280
Yeah, could you just sort of keep
the robot with you
305
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,120
and guard this end of the passage?
306
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,920
Guard? What from?
You said there was no one here!
307
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,640
Yeah, well, just for safety, OK?
308
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,120
Whose? Yours or mine?
309
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:21,400
Good lad. OK, here we go!
310
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,320
Well, I hope
you all have a really miserable time!
311
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:31,640
- Don't worry! They will.
- Come on!
312
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,200
- Hey, spooky, eh?
- And dark.
313
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,240
You've still got your sunglasses on.
314
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,160
Too right!
315
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,000
Look at this!
316
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,200
Any idea what those strange symbols
on the walls are, Zaphod?
317
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,640
Yeah! They're strange symbols
of some kind.
318
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,080
It's hard to tell with my shades on!
319
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,200
I wish I had heads like you, Zaphod.
320
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:05,480
I could have endless fun
bashing them against walls!
321
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,720
Hey, don't bug me, Ford!
322
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,680
- Yeah!
- Yeah?
323
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:17,920
Yeah! These are the greatest shades
in the known sky! Look at the copy.
324
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,320
"Joo Janta 200 SuperChromatic
Peril-Sensitive sunglasses.
325
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,320
"To help you develop
a relaxed attitude to danger.
326
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,360
"At the first hint of trouble,
they turn black
327
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,720
"and thus prevent you from seeing
anything that might alarm you."
328
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,040
You're mad!
329
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:44,480
I thought I just saw a movement
down at the end of the corridor!
330
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:50,800
No... it's just shadows...
There's no one here.
331
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,400
Trust me.
332
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:57,920
Zaphod, mate, I'd trust you as far
as I could comfortably spit a rat!
333
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,760
This is a dead planet, man!
334
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,880
There's definitely something there.
335
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:06,560
No...
336
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:12,160
Listen...
337
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,120
Night's falling. Look, Robot,
the stars are coming out.
338
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:22,280
- I know. Wretched, isn't it?
- But that sunset...!
339
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:26,040
I've never seen anything like it
in my wildest dreams!
340
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,520
The two suns... It was like...
341
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:33,160
mountains of fire,
boiling into space!
342
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,680
I've seen it. It's rubbish.
343
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,360
We only had the one sun at home.
344
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,640
I came from a planet called Earth.
345
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:45,280
I know. You keep going on about it.
It sounds awful.
346
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,000
Ah, no! It was a beautiful place.
347
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,440
Did it have oceans?
348
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:54,560
Oh, yes, great, big, wide, rolling,
blue oceans.
349
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,840
Can't bear oceans.
350
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,480
Tell me, do you get on well
with other robots?
351
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:04,080
Hate them. Where are you going?
352
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,880
I think I'll take a short walk.
353
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:10,400
Don't blame you.
354
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,400
You choose a cold night
to visit our dead planet.
355
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,560
Who are you?
356
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,720
My name is not important.
357
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,440
You startled me.
358
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,920
Do not be alarmed.
I will not harm you.
359
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,280
But you shot at us. The missiles...
360
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,160
An automatic system.
361
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,200
Ancient computers
ranged in the long caves
362
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:47,760
deep in the bowels of the planet
tick away the dark millennia,
363
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:51,320
and the ages hang heavy
on their dusty databanks.
364
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,280
They take the occasional potshot
to relieve the monotony.
365
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,160
I'm a great fan of science, you know.
366
00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:58,640
Really?
367
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,680
Oh, yes.
368
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,360
Er...
369
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:07,840
Er...
370
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,480
You seem ill at ease.
371
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:17,000
OH! Yes, well, actually, I don't think we
expected anyone to be about, in fact.
372
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,680
No disrespect,
but I gathered you were all dead.
373
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,880
Dead? No, we have but slept
for five million years.
374
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:27,880
Nothing much seems to have changed.
375
00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:29,800
Slept?
376
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,160
Yes, through the economic recession.
377
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,440
Economic recession?
378
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,920
Five million years ago,
the Galactic economy collapsed,
379
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:43,400
and seeing that custom-built planets
are something of a luxury commodity...
380
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,360
- You know we built planets?
- Well, I had sort of gathered that.
381
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:50,120
Fascinating trade. Doing the
coastlines was always my favourite...
382
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:54,600
Used to have endless fun doing all
the little fiddly bits round fjords.
383
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,680
Well, anyway, the recession came,
384
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,440
and we thought it would save a lot
of bother if we just slept through it.
385
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:06,000
So we programmed the computers
to revive us when it was all over.
386
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,680
They were index-linked
to the Galactic stock market prices,
387
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,080
so that we'd all be revived
388
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:16,160
when everybody else
had rebuilt the economy enough
389
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,320
to be able to afford our services.
390
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,480
Isn't that rather unethical?
391
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,040
Is it? I'm a bit out of touch.
392
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,200
Is that your robot?
393
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,360
No, I'm mine.
394
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:31,040
If you'd call it a robot-it's more
like an electronic sulking machine.
395
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,520
Bring it.
396
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,040
"Bring it"!
397
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,520
On second thoughts, leave it here.
398
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,600
Bring it! Leave it!
I think I'll turn myself off!
399
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,800
You must come with me.
Great things are afoot.
400
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,280
Come. Come now or you will be late.
401
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,160
Late? What for?
402
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,560
What is your name, human?
403
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,760
Dent, Arthur Dent.
404
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,920
Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent.
405
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,760
It's a sort of threat, you see.
406
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,320
Never been terribly good
at them myself,
407
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:06,400
but I'm told
they can be terribly effective.
408
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,040
What an extraordinary person!
409
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:12,560
Pardon?
410
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,080
Er... nothing. Where are we going?
411
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,520
We are going deep
into the bowels of the planet,
412
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:24,200
where our race is being revived from
its five-million-year-old slumber.
413
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:28,160
Magrathea awakes!
414
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,040
Excuse me,
what is your name, by the way?
415
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,800
My name?
416
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,760
My name is Slartibartfast.
417
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,320
I beg your pardon?
418
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,240
Slartibartfast.
419
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:14,040
Slartibartfast?
420
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,960
I said it wasn't important.
421
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,680
'It is an important and popular fact
422
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:25,040
'that things
are not always what they seem.
423
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:27,160
'For instance...
424
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:28,840
'on the planet Earth,
425
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:33,080
'man had always assumed he was more
intelligent than the dolphins,
426
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,200
'because he had achieved so much -
427
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,760
'the wheel...
428
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,560
'New York...
429
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,720
'wars, and so on...
430
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,480
'whilst all the dolphins
had ever done
431
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,960
'was muck about in the water
having a good time.
432
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:51,840
'The dolphins believed they were
more intelligent than man
433
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,160
'for precisely the same reasons.
434
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,000
'Curiously enough,
435
00:26:56,240 --> 00:27:00,120
'the dolphins had long known
of the impending demolition of Earth,
436
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:03,760
'and made many attempts
to alert mankind of the danger...
437
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,000
'but most of their communications
were misinterpreted
438
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,480
'as amusing attempts to punch
footballs or whistle for titbits,
439
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:15,600
'so they eventually gave up and left
the Earth by their own means,
440
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,240
'shortly before the Vogons arrived.
441
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,400
'The last-ever dolphin message
442
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,440
'was misinterpreted as
a surprisingly sophisticated attempt
443
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,440
'to do a double-backward somersault
through a hoop
444
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,040
'whilst whistling
the Star-Spangled Banner...
445
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,560
'but, in fact, the message was this:
446
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,760
'In fact, there was only one species
on the planet
447
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,880
'more intelligent than dolphins,
448
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:45,040
'and they spent a lot of their time
449
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,160
'in behavioural research laboratories
450
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,840
'conducting frighteningly elegant
and subtle experiments on man.
451
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,800
'The fact that man once again
452
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:57,400
'completely misinterpreted
this relationship
453
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,360
'was entirely according
to these creatures' plans,
454
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,000
'as Arthur Dent
will shortly discover. '
455
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,280
Earthman, we are now
deep in the heart of Magrathea.
456
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,960
How d'you know I'm an Earthman?
457
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:13,320
These things will become clear -
clearer than they are at the moment.
458
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:14,960
Oh...
459
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:16,840
I should warn you
460
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,240
the chamber we are about to enter
461
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,920
does not literally exist
within our planet.
462
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:26,200
It is the gateway into a vast tract
of hyperspace. It may disturb you.
463
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:31,520
It scares the willies out of me.
Hold tight!
464
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,560
Welcome to our factory floor.
465
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:55,400
This is where we make
most of our planets, you see.
466
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,520
You're starting up again now?
467
00:28:57,760 --> 00:28:59,320
Good heavens, no!
468
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,440
No, the Galaxy isn't nearly
rich enough to afford us yet.
469
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:07,480
We've been awakened to perform
just one extraordinary function
470
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,040
for very... special clients
471
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,240
from another dimension.
472
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:13,960
It may interest you.
473
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,480
There-in front of us.
474
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,400
The Earth!
475
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,480
Well, the Earth Mark I, in fact.
476
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,680
We're making a copy
from our original blueprints.
477
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,840
Are you telling me
you originally made the Earth?
478
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,840
Oh, yes.
Did you ever go to a place...?
479
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,280
I think it was called Norway.
480
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,000
No, I didn't.
481
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,640
Pity. That was one of mine.
482
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:41,880
Won an award, you know.
483
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,040
Lovely crinkly edges.
484
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,600
I was most upset
to hear of its destruction.
485
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,840
YOU were upset?!
486
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,760
Five minutes later,
it wouldn't have mattered.
487
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,720
- Big cock-up. The mice were furious.
- Mice?
488
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,040
Earthman, the planet you inhabited
489
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:02,680
was commissioned,
paid for and run by the mice.
490
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:06,560
It was destroyed five minutes
before the completion of the purpose
491
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,760
for which it was built.
We have to build another one.
492
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,240
Mice?
493
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:59,000
'ARTHUR bruised his upper arm. '