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<b>04 The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - Eposode 1.4 1981 English</b>

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'Arthur Dent,
a perfectly ordinary Earthman,

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'was rather surprised
when his friend Ford Prefect

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'suddenly revealed himself
to be from a small planet

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'in the vicinity of Betelgeuse

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'and not from Guildford after all.

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'He was even more surprised
when, minutes later,

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'Earth was unexpectedly demolished

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'to make way
for a new hyperspace by-pass.

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'But this was as nothing
to their joint surprise

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'when they were rescued from certain
death by a stolen spaceship

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'manned by Ford's semi-cousin,
the infamous Zaphod Beeblebrox,

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'and by Trillian, a rather nice
young astrophysicist

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'Arthur once met at a party
in Islington.

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'However, all four of them are soon
totally overwhelmed by surprise

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'when they discover that
the ancient world of Magrathea,

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'a planet legendary for its trade
in manufacturing other planets,

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'is not as dead
as it was supposed to be.

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'For Zaphod, Ford and Trillian,

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'surprise is pushed to its
very limits when THIS happened... '

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'And when Arthur encounters
Slartibartfast,

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'the Magrathean coastline designer

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'who won an award for his work
on Norway

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'and learns that the history
of mankind

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'was only being run for the benefit
of a few white mice,

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'surprise is no longer adequate

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'and he is forced to resort
to astonishment. '

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Mice?!

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Mind your head.

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E-Excuse the mess.

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Most unfortunate-a diode blew in
one of the life support computers.

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When we came to revive
our cleaning staff,

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we discovered they'd been dead
for 30,000 years.

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Who's going to clear away the bodies?
That's what no one has an answer for.

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Mice? Look, are we talking
about the same things?

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Mice are white furry creatures
with a cheese fixation,

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women standing screaming on tables
in early '60s sitcoms.

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Earthman, it is sometimes hard
to follow your mode of speech.

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I have been asleep
inside this planet of Magrathea

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for... um... five million years

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and know little of these early '60s
sitcoms of which you speak.

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These creatures you call mice
are not quite as they appear.

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They are merely the protrusion
into our dimension

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of vast hyper-intelligent,
pan-dimensional beings.

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This business with the cheese
and the squeaking is just a front.

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They have been experimenting on you.

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Ahh! No, look, you've got it wrong!
It was us! We experimented on THEM!

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Making them run down mazes,
ring bells, eat bits of cheese!

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And, by analysing their behaviour,

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were learned all sorts of things
about ourselves!

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- Such subtlety!
- Well...

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Well, how better to disguise
their true natures,

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how better to guide your way
of thinking,

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than to be right down there
amongst you?

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Suddenly running down the maze
the wrong way,

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eating the wrong bit of cheese,

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unexpectedly dropping dead
of myxomatosis.

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Finely calculated,
the cumulative effect is enormous.

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Just sit... back... back.

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I must tell you
that your planet and people

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have formed the matrix
of an organic computer

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running a 10-million-year
research programme

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into the ultimate question of Life,
the Universe... and Everything.

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They are particularly clever,
hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings.

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<i>Attention! Slartibartfast
and the visiting Earth creature</i>

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<i>report to the work's reception area
immediately... Repeat, immediately!</i>

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However, in the field of management
relations, they're shocking.

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- Really?
- Every time they give me an order,

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I want to jump on a table and scream.

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Yes, I can see
that would be a problem.

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'There are many problems
connected with life,

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'of which some of
the most pressing are...

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'Why are people born?

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'Why do they die?

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'And why do they spend
so much of the intervening time

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'wearing digital watches?

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'Many millions of years ago,
a race of hyper-intelligent beings

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'became so fed-up with the bickering
about the meaning of life

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'that they decided to sit down
and solve it once and for all.

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'To this end, they built themselves

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'a stupendous super-computer
called Deep Thought

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'that was so amazingly intelligent

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'that even before its data banks
had been connected up,

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'it started
from first principles with:

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'And deduced the existence
of rice pudding and income tax

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'before anyone managed
to turn it off. '

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Do not be alarmed.

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'Only after Deep Thought
has been programmed

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'with all the knowledge
in the Universe, do two men,

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'selected of all their race,
approach it. '

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<i>What is this great task
for which I, Deep Thought,</i>

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<i>the second greatest computer
in the Universe</i>

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<i>of Time and Space,
have been called into existence?</i>

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- Your task, O computer...
- No, wait a minute!

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Did he say "second greatest"?

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O Deep Thought, are you not,
as we designed you to be,

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the greatest, the most powerful
computer of all time?

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<i>I described myself as
the second greatest and such I am!</i>

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Can we just clear this up?

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O Deep Thought,
are you not a greater computer

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than the Milliard Gargantubrain which
can count all the atoms in a star?

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<i>A Milliard Gargantubrain?
A mere abacus! Mention it not!</i>

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Are you not a greater analyst
than the Googleplex Star Thinker

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in the 7th Galaxy
of Light and Ingenuity?

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<i>The Googleplex Star Thinker?</i>

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<i>Molest me not
with this pocket calculator stuff!</i>

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But are you not
a more fiendish disputant

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than the Great Hyperlobic Omnicognate
Neutron Wrangler on Ciceronicus 12?!

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<i>The Great Omnicognate
Neutron Wrangler</i>

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<i>could talk all four legs
off an Arcturan megadonkey,</i>

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<i>but only I could persuade it
to go for a walk afterwards!</i>

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Then... what is the problem?

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<i>There is no problem!</i>

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<i>I speak of none but the computer
that is to come after me!</i>

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I think this is getting
needlessly messianic.

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<i>A computer whose merest
operational parameters</i>

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<i>I am not worthy to calculate,</i>

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<i>but which it will be my destiny
eventually to design!</i>

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Can we get on and ask the question?

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Oh, all right.

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O Great Computer, the task we have
designed you to perform is this.

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We want you to tell us the answer.

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<i>The answer?</i>

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<i>- The answer to what?
- Life!</i>

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- The Universe!
- Everything!

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<i>Tricky.</i>

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But... can you do it?

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<i>Yes, I can do it.</i>

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You mean... there IS an answer?

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<i>- A simple answer?
- Yes.</i>

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<i>Life, the Universe and Everything.</i>

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<i>There is an answer.</i>

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<i>- There is an answer! At last!
- But I'll have to think about it.</i>

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- We demand admission!
- Now what?

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- You can't keep us out!
- We demand you cannot keep us out!

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- Who are you? Get out of here!
- I am Majkthise!

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And I demand that I am Vroomfondel!

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It's all right,
you don't need to demand that!

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All right, I am Vroomfondel...

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and that is not a demand,
that is a solid fact!

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What we demand is solid facts!

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No, we don't! That is precisely
what we DON'T demand!

143
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We don't demand solid facts!

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What we demand is a total absence
of solid facts!

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I demand that I may, or may not,
be Vroomfondel!

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- Who are you?
- We are philosophers.

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- Though we may not be!
- Yes, we are!

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We are definitely here
as representatives

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of the Amalgamated Union
of Philosophers, Sages, and Luminaries,

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and we want the machine off now!

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We demand that you get rid of it!

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- What's the problem?
- The problem is demarcation, mate!

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We demand that demarcation
may or may not be the problem!

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Let the machines
get on with the adding up

155
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and WE'LL take care
of the eternal verities!

156
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By law, the quest for ultimate truth

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is the inalienable prerogative
of your working thinkers!

158
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Any machine goes and finds 'em,
we're out of a job!

159
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:30,320
What's the use of our arguing
half the night whether there may...

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- Or may not!
- be a god...

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if this machine gives you
his phone number in the morning!

162
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That's right!

163
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:42,600
We demand rigidly defined areas
of doubt and uncertainty!

164
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Might I make an observation
at this point?

165
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Keep out of this!

166
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We demand that that machine not be
allowed to think about this problem!

167
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<i>If I might make an observation!</i>

168
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<i>All I wanted to say was this.</i>

169
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<i>My circuits
are now irrevocably committed</i>

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<i>to calculating the answer</i>

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<i>to the ultimate question
of Life, the Universe and Everything,</i>

172
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:23,880
<i>but the program will take me
a little while to run.</i>

173
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<i>- How long?
- Seven and a half...</i>

174
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:35,520
<i>- What, not till next week?!
- million... years!</i>

175
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:40,400
<i>- How long?!
- I said I'd have to think about it.</i>

176
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<i>And it occurs to me that running
a program like this</i>

177
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<i>is bound to create
considerable interest</i>

178
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<i>in the whole area
of popular philosophy.</i>

179
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,160
<i>- Yes?
- Keep talking.</i>

180
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,360
<i>Everyone's going to have
his own theory</i>

181
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,600
<i>about what answer I'm eventually
going to come up with</i>

182
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,560
<i>and who better to capitalise
on that media market</i>

183
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,200
<i>than you yourselves?</i>

184
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:13,240
<i>So long as you can keep violently
disagreeing with each other</i>

185
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,440
<i>and slagging each other off
in the popular press,</i>

186
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:20,800
<i>and so long as
you have clever agents,</i>

187
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:27,280
<i>you can keep yourselves
on the gravy train for life!</i>

188
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:33,000
Bloody hell!
Now, that's what I call thinking!

189
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:37,200
'Ere, Vroomfondel, how come
we never think of things like that?

190
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,040
Dunno.

191
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:45,400
I think our minds must be
too highly trained, Majkthise.

192
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,880
Very salutary, but what about
the Earth and mice?

193
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,760
All will become clear to you.

194
00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:01,800
Are you not anxious to hear what the
computer said 7.5 million years later?

195
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:06,680
Erm... yes... quite.

196
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,640
The time is nearly upon us!

197
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:36,319
7.5 million years we've waited.

198
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,640
75,000 generations

199
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:42,920
since our ancestors set this program
in motion and, in all that time,

200
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:47,160
we shall be the first to hear
the computer speak.

201
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,520
It's an awesome prospect.

202
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,960
Deep Thought is about to speak!

203
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:02,040
<i>Good evening.</i>

204
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,920
G-Good evening.

205
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:17,080
O... Deep Thought...

206
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,520
do you have... Have you...?

207
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,280
<i>An answer for you?</i>

208
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,040
<i>Yes, I have.</i>

209
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,640
<i>- There really is one?
- There really is one.</i>

210
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:32,560
To everything?
The secret of the Universe?

211
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,560
The great questions of Life
and Everything?

212
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,400
<i>- Yes.
- Are you ready to give it to us?</i>

213
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,920
<i>- I am.
- Now?!</i>

214
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:43,920
<i>Now!</i>

215
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,800
Wow!

216
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,280
<i>Though I don't think
you're going to like it.</i>

217
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,280
Doesn't matter! We must know it!

218
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,880
<i>- Now?
- Yes... now.</i>

219
00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,560
<i>All right.</i>

220
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,840
<i>- Well?
- You're really not going to like it.</i>

221
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,480
Tell us!

222
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,960
<i>- The answer to the great question...
- Yes?</i>

223
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,680
<i>of Life, the Universe
and Everything...</i>

224
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,360
<i>- Yes?
- Is...</i>

225
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,880
<i>- Yes?
- Is...</i>

226
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:31,840
<i>- Yes?!
- 42!</i>

227
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,800
<i>It was a tough assignment.</i>

228
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,880
42?!

229
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:46,320
Is that all you've got to show
for 7.5 million years' work?!

230
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,480
<i>I think the problem</i>

231
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,040
<i>is that you've never known
what the question is.</i>

232
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,640
But it was the GREAT question,

233
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:59,640
the ultimate question of Life,
the Universe and Everything!

234
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:03,760
<i>Yes, but what actually is it?</i>

235
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,640
Well...

236
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,800
just everything!

237
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,040
You know... everything!

238
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,200
<i>Exactly.</i>

239
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:18,160
<i>You have to know
what the question actually is</i>

240
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,400
<i>in order to know
what the answer means.</i>

241
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,960
Well, can you please tell us
the question?

242
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,040
<i>- The Ultimate Question?
- Yes!</i>

243
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:32,400
<i>Of Life, the Universe
and Everything?</i>

244
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:36,840
<i>- Yes!
- Tricky.</i>

245
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,880
But can you do it?

246
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,640
<i>No.</i>

247
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,280
<i>But I'll tell you who can.</i>

248
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:49,840
Tell us!

249
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:57,800
<i>I speak of none but the computer
that is to come after me.</i>

250
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:01,960
<i>A computer whose merest
operational parameters</i>

251
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,120
<i>I am not worthy to calculate!</i>

252
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,280
<i>Yet I will design it for you!</i>

253
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:13,520
<i>A computer which can calculate
the Answer to the Ultimate Question,</i>

254
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:17,880
<i>a computer of such infinite
and subtle complexity</i>

255
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,040
<i>that organic life itself</i>

256
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,840
<i>shall form part
of its operational matrix.</i>

257
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:29,480
<i>You yourselves shall take on new
forms and go down into the computer</i>

258
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:34,160
<i>to navigate
its 10-million-year program!</i>

259
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:38,240
<i>Yes, I shall design
this computer for you</i>

260
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,400
<i>and I shall name it also unto you</i>

261
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:47,480
<i>and it shall be called the Earth!</i>

262
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,680
Oh, what a dull name.

263
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,480
So there you have it.

264
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:58,680
Deep Thought designed the Earth,
we built it and you lived on it.

265
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,840
The Vogons destroyed it 5 minutes
before the program was completed.

266
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,400
10 million years of planning
and work gone.

267
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,840
Well, that's bureaucracy for you.

268
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,200
Do you know, this explains a lot,

269
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,640
because all my life
I've had this feeling in my bones

270
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,000
something sinister was happening
in the Universe.

271
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,160
No one would tell me what it was.

272
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,560
That's just perfectly normal
paranoia.

273
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,360
- Everyone in the Universe has that.
- Everyone?

274
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,320
Everyone.

275
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,480
Maybe that means something!

276
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,640
That outside the Universe we know,
some alien intelligence is...

277
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,800
Maybe. Who cares?

278
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:41,160
Perhaps I'm old,
but the chances of finding out

279
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,320
what really is going on
are so absurdly remote

280
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,960
the only thing to do is to say, "Hang
the sense of it" and keep occupied.

281
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:53,680
Look at me. I design coastlines.
I got an award for Norway.

282
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:57,560
Where's the sense in that?
None that I can make out.

283
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,920
I've been doing fjords all my life.

284
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:04,920
For a fleeting moment, they become
fashionable. I get a major award.

285
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,640
In this replacement Earth,
I've been given Africa to do.

286
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:12,800
I'm doing it with with fjords
because I happen to like them.

287
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:17,080
I'm old-fashioned enough to think
they give a lovely baroque feel

288
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,240
to a continent.

289
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,320
They tell me it's not equatorial
enough. What does it matter?

290
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,200
Science has achieved
wonderful things,

291
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,320
but I'd far rather be happy
than right any day.

292
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:33,240
- And are you?
- No. That's where it all falls down.

293
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,720
Pity. Sounded like
rather a good lifestyle otherwise.

294
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:41,760
<i>Slartibartfast and the Earth
creature report to the reception area.</i>

295
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,000
Now? To meet mice?
You want me to meet mice now?

296
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,440
It won't be a great social occasion.

297
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,400
<i>At once!</i>

298
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,320
I seem to be having difficulty
with MY lifestyle.

299
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,080
- I beg your pardon?
- What? Sorry.

300
00:19:55,320 --> 00:20:00,160
- Fatuous thing to say, really.
- I thought so.

301
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,560
'It is, of course, well known
that careless talk costs lives,

302
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,200
'but the full scale of the problem
is not always appreciated.

303
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,760
'At the very moment Arthur said:

304
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,960
I seem to be having difficulty
with MY lifestyle.

305
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:18,560
'A freak wormhole opened up in the
fabric of the space-time continuum

306
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,160
'and carried his words
far back in time

307
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,760
'across almost infinite reaches
of space to a distant galaxy

308
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,120
'where strange and warlike beings

309
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:32,840
'were poised on the brink
of frightful interstellar battle.

310
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:36,040
'The two leaders
were meeting for the last time.

311
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,040
'A silence fell across
the conference table

312
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:44,560
'as the commander of the VI'hurgs,
in his red jewelled battle shorts,

313
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:49,040
'gazed levelly at the G'Gugvunt
leader squatting opposite him

314
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,120
'in a cloud of green,
sweet-smelling steam

315
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,320
'and, with a million
be-weaponed star cruisers

316
00:20:55,560 --> 00:21:00,280
'poised to unleash electric death
at his single word of command,

317
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,760
'challenged the vile creature
to take back what it said

318
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,000
'about his mother.

319
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:10,480
'The creature stirred
in its sickly broiling vapour

320
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,640
'and at that moment the words...

321
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,400
<i>I seem to be having difficulty
with MY lifestyle.</i>

322
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,760
'... drifted across the table.

323
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,520
'Unfortunately,
in the VI'hurg tongue,

324
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,480
'this was the most dreadful insult
imaginable

325
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:29,280
'and there was nothing for it
but to fight terrible war!'

326
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,840
'Eventually, after their galaxy
had been decimated

327
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,600
'over a few thousand years,
it was realised

328
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,560
'the whole thing
had been a ghastly mistake.

329
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:01,720
'So the two opposing battle fleets
settled their differences

330
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,880
'in order to launch
a joint attack on our galaxy,

331
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:09,320
'now positively identified as
the source of the offending remark.

332
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,960
'For thousands more years,
the mighty ships

333
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,720
'tore across the empty wastes
of space

334
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,320
'and finally dived,
streaming onto the planet Earth

335
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,800
'where, due to a terrible
miscalculation of scale,

336
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:28,400
'the entire battle fleet was
accidently swallowed by a small dog.

337
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,760
'Those who study the interplay
of cause and effect

338
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:36,040
'in the history of the Universe
say this goes on all the time,

339
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,640
'but that they are powerless
to prevent it.

340
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,720
'Meanwhile,
Arthur is about to be confronted

341
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:47,519
'with the terrible reality
of all he has learnt. '

342
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,760
Arthur, you're safe!

343
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,920
Am I? Oh, good.

344
00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:00,560
- Hi. Come in. Food.
- What happened to you?

345
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,440
Well, our hosts here
have been gassing us

346
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,160
and zapping our minds
and being weird,

347
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:10,240
and are now giving us this amazingly
keen meal to make it up to us.

348
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,800
Have some Vegan rhino cutlet!
It's exit!

349
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:15,960
Hosts? I don't see any hosts!

350
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,880
Ugh! There are mice on the table!

351
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:27,000
Yes... sorry.
I... wasn't quite prepared for...

352
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,960
Let me introduce you.

353
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,440
- This is Benjy mouse.
- Hi, there!

354
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:36,240
- And this is... Frankie mouse.
- Pleased to meet you!

355
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,440
- Aren't they...
- The mice I brought from Earth.

356
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:40,920
Well...

357
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,400
Try some grated Arcturan megadonkey.

358
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,680
Ahem! Excuse me!

359
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,520
Yes, Slartibartfast, you may go!

360
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,080
What?

361
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:55,480
Oh, very well, I'll go and get on
with some of my fjords, then.

362
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:57,640
They won't be necessary.

363
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,560
I don't think we'll be needing
the new Earth.

364
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,320
What?!

365
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:06,760
I've got a thousand glaciers poised
and ready to roll over Africa!

366
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,160
Thank you, Slartibartfast,
that will be all!

367
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,800
Yes, sir. Thank you very much.

368
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,440
Well...

369
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,760
goodbye, Earthman.

370
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,880
Sorry about your planet.
Hope the lifestyle comes together!

371
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:25,640
- Now to business!
- Oh, yeah. To business!

372
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,520
- To business!
- I beg your pardon?!

373
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,920
I'm sorry, I thought
you were proposing a toast!

374
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:37,440
Earth creature, we've been running
your planet for 10 million years

375
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,120
in order to find
the Ultimate Question.

376
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:43,480
As we were about to see the fruit
of millions of years of work,

377
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,680
you let your planet get blown up!

378
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:49,000
- The best-laid plans of mice.
- And men.

379
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,440
- What?
- Best-laid plans of mice and men.

380
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,040
What have men got to do with it?

381
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,560
We've got to have that Question!

382
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,400
I'm sorry I can't help you.
Shall we be off?

383
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:05,240
Get this, you are a last generation
product of that computer matrix.

384
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,560
You were there
before your planet got the finger.

385
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,440
Your brain was a part
of the configuration of the program.

386
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,640
Of the whatty?

387
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,400
- Drink?
- I will.

388
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,560
The mice seem to think the Question
might be buried in your brain.

389
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,520
- Is that what they think?
- Yes. They wanna buy it.

390
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,320
- What, the Question?
- No, no, your brain!

391
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,280
- What?
- What?

392
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:31,760
What?

393
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:35,480
- That's all right. Who'd miss it?
- Thank you!

394
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:39,280
I thought you said you could read
his brain electronically.

395
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,960
Yes, but we'd have
to get it out first.

396
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,920
- It's got to be prepared, diced.
- Thank you!

397
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,560
It could be replaced
if it's important.

398
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,040
Yes, an electronic brain.

399
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,760
- A simple one should suffice.
- Simple?

400
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:58,800
Program it to say "What?" and "Where's
the tea?" Who'd know the difference?

401
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,280
- What?
- See?

402
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,120
- I'd notice!
- You'd be programmed not to!

403
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:05,000
Let's get out!

404
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:09,160
- Sorry, mice, old mates, no deal.
- Let's not be hasty...!

405
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:13,520
<i>Emergency! Hostile
alien police in Section 8A!</i>

406
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,400
<i>- Defence stations...!
- Galactic police!</i>

407
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,560
Hell and bats' dos,
we gotta go whoosh!

408
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,120
- Creatures, where are you going?
- Out, out, out!

409
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:27,760
But the Question!
Think of the issues at stake!

410
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,320
- Which way?
- Any way!

411
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,080
- This way!
- Don't you understand?

412
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:39,520
Don't you understand how much money
we can make appearing on chat shows?

413
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,080
All this fuss
about an Earthling brain!

414
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,080
- Let's go, let's go!
- Where are we gonna go?!

415
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:06,320
Over there!

416
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,080
Which way?

417
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,760
- At a wild guess, I'd say...
- This way.

418
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,240
Yeah.

419
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:18,880
OK, Beeblebrox, hold it right there,
we got you covered!

420
00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:22,280
- Cops!
- Anyone else want a guess?

421
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:26,280
Yeah... this way!

422
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,880
We don't wanna shoot you, Beeblebrox.

423
00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:33,000
Suits me fine!

424
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:37,840
- Back to the lift?
- Back to the lift!

425
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,720
Hey, I thought they said
they didn't want to shoot at us!

426
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,120
- I thought so!
- You said you didn't wanna shoot us!

427
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:51,360
It isn't easy being a cop!

428
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,120
- What did he say?
- It isn't easy being a cop.

429
00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:56,480
- That's his problem!
- I think so!

430
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:01,120
Listen, we've enough problems of our
own having you there shooting at us!

431
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:05,040
If you'd like to avoid laying
your personal problems on us,

432
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,080
I think we'd all find it
easier to cope!

433
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,440
Now, look, buddy,

434
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:15,320
you're not dealing with any dumb,
two-bit, trigger-pumping morons

435
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:20,800
with low hairlines, little
piggy eyes and no conversation!

436
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,440
We're a couple of caring,
intelligent guys

437
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:28,040
you'd probably really like
if you met us socially.

438
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,200
I don't go around gratuitously
shooting people

439
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,760
and then brag about it
in seedy space rangers bars.

440
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,640
I go around
gratuitously shooting people,

441
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,160
then I agonise about it afterwards
to my girlfriend!

442
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:45,320
- And I write novels!
- Yeah, he writes them in crayon.

443
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,680
Though I haven't had
any published yet

444
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:55,280
so I'd better warn ya,
I'm in a mean mood!

445
00:28:55,720 --> 00:29:00,080
- Who are these guys?
- I preferred them shooting.

446
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:04,280
So are you gonna come quietly
or you gonna let us blast ya out?

447
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:08,000
Which would you prefer?

448
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,400
You still there?

449
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,680
Yeah!

450
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,280
We didn't enjoy that at all.

451
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:26,120
- We could tell!
- Now, listen to this, Beeblebrox.

452
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:30,640
- And you'd better listen good!
- Why?

453
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:35,360
Er... because it's gonna be
very intelligent

454
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:40,120
and quite interesting... and humane.

455
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,160
OK, shoot. I mean, fire away!

456
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,800
No, no, I mean...!

457
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,840
Sorry, misunderstanding there.

458
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:56,080
Beeblebrox, either you all
give yourselves up

459
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,240
and let us beat you up a little,

460
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:03,000
though not too much because we are
firmly opposed to needless violence,

461
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:08,880
or... er... or we blow up
this entire planet!

462
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,520
And one or two others
we noticed on the way over!

463
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:14,960
That's crazy! You wouldn't do that!

464
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,120
Yes, we would!

465
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:21,160
- I think we would, wouldn't we?
- Yes, we'd have to. No question.

466
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,720
- But why?
- Tell her.

467
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,880
- You tell her!
- You tell her!

468
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,880
- You tell her!
- You tell her!

469
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,560
Will one of you tell her!

470
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:36,200
It isn't easy being a cop!

471
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:40,920
(Listen... if we keep them talking,
maybe their brains will seize up.)

472
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,280
Shall we... shoot them up again
for a while?

473
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,160
- Why not?
- Yeah.

474
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,440
Wait...

475
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:54,200
Well, that just about wraps it up
for this lifetime, I guess.

476
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:59,160
Well... it's really been nice
running into you again, Zaphod.

477
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:04,000
Zaglabor astragard

478
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:08,640
Hootrimansion Bambriar...

479
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,720
- What the hell are you doing?!
- A Betelgeuse death anthem.

480
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:18,200
It means, "After this,
things can only get better."

481
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:23,400
Zaglabor astragard!

482
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:29,920
Hootrimansion Bambriar...