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05 The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - Eposode 1.5 1981 English
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'The story so far.
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'In the beginning,
the Universe was created.
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'This has made a lot of people
very angry
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'and been widely regarded
as a bad move.
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'Many races believe that it was
created by some sort of god,
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'though the Jatravartid people
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'of Viltvodle VI firmly believe
that the entire Universe
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'was, in fact,
sneezed out of the nose
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'of a being called
the Great Green Arkleseizure.
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'The Jatravartids,
who live in perpetual fear
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'of the time they call The Coming
of the Great White Handkerchief,
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'are small blue creatures
with more than 50 arms each,
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'who are therefore unique
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'in being the only race in history
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'to have invented the aerosol
deodorant before the wheel.
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'However, the Great Green
Arkleseizure theory
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'was not widely accepted
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'outside Viltvodle VI,
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'and so one day,
a race of hyperintelligent
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'pan-dimensional beings
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'built themselves a gigantic
super-computer called Deep Thought
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'to calculate, once and for all,
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'the answer to the ultimate question
of Life, the Universe
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'and Everything.
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'For seven and a half million years,
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'Deep Thought computed
and eventually announced
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'that the answer was, in fact, 42,
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'and so another even bigger computer
had to be built
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'to find out
what the actual question was.
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'And this computer,
which was called the Earth,
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'was so large that it was
frequently mistaken for a planet,
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'particularly
by the strange, ape-like beings
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'who roamed its surface
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'totally unaware
that they were simply part
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'of a gigantic computer program.
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'This is very odd, because without
that obvious piece of knowledge,
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'nothing that happened on Earth
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'could possibly
make the slightest bit of sense.
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'However, at the critical moment
of read-out,
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'the Earth was
unexpectedly demolished
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'to make way
for a new hyperspace by-pass,
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'and the only native Earth people
who survived the demolition
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'are now being shot at
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'behind a computer bank
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'on the lost planet of Magrathea,
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'along with their strange companions
from Betelgeuse,
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'who are currently singing
a Betelgeuse death anthem
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'on the very sensible grounds
that they are about to die.
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'This is what the computer bank
is about to do.
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'And the time
at which it is going to do it
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'is 4.2 seconds from now. '
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Good evening, madam, gentlemen.
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Do you have a reservation?
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- Reservation?
- Yes, sir.
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Do you need a reservation
for the afterlife?
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The afterlife?
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Is this the afterlife?
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Yeah. I mean, yeah!
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I mean, yeah...
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There's no way we could
have survived that blast in there.
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- No.
- None at all.
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I certainly didn't survive.
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I was a total goner!
Wham! Bam! And that was it!
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Yeah, we didn't stand a chance.
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We were blown to bits -
arms and legs everywhere!
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Yeah! Kerpow! Splat!
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Would you care to order drinks?
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Instantaneously zonked
into component molecules!
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Hey, Ford, did you get that thing of
your whole life flashing before you?
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Yeah! Did you get that, too?
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- Oh! Your whole life!
- Yeah!
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At least, I assume it was mine.
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I spent a lot of time
out of my skulls.
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- So...
- So what?
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- Here we are, lying dead...
- Standing.
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- Standing dead in this desolate...
- Restaurant.
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- Standing dead in this desolate...
- Five-star restaurant.
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Well, yeah.
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Odd, isn't it?
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Nice decor, though.
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You know, it's not so much
an afterlife, more sort of aprés vie.
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Hey, you dead guys! We're missing
some ultra important thing here -
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something somebody said
and we missed it!
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- I said it was more aprés vie.
- Don't you wish you hadn't? Ford?
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- I said it was odd.
- Shrewd but dull... Trillian?
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Er... um... pass.
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Would you care to discuss
the matter over drinks?
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Drinks! That was it!
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You see what you miss
if you don't stay alert?
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If the lady and gentlemen would like
to order drinks before dinner...
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Yeah, great!
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And the Universe will explode
later for your pleasure.
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Wow! What sort of drinks
do you serve in this place?
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I think sir has misunderstood me.
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I hope not!
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It is not unusual for customers
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to be disorientated
by the time journey.
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- Time journey?
- What time journey?
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You mean...
this isn't the afterlife?
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Afterlife?
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No, sir.
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Then we're not... dead?
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Aha!
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Sir is most evidently alive,
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otherwise I would not attempt
to serve, sir!
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Ha, ha. Then where the photon
are we?
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Hey, I've sussed it!
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This must be...
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Milliways!
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Milliways!
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Yes, this is Milliways.
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Milliways?
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The Restaurant at the End
of the Universe!
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- End of what?
- The Universe.
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- When did that end?
- In just a few minutes, sir.
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Now, if you will order drinks,
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I will show you to your table
in the main part of the restaurant.
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I suppose there's no chance
of a cup of tea?
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None.
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'The Restaurant at the End
of the Universe
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'is one of the most
extraordinary ventures
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'in the entire history of catering.
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'A vast time bubble has been
projected into the far future
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'to the precise moment
of the End of the Universe.
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'You can arrive
without prior reservation,
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'because you can book
retrospectively
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'in advance, as it were,
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'when you return to your own time.
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'You can visit it
as many times as you like
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'and be sure of never meeting
yourself
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'because of the embarrassment
this usually causes.
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'You just deposit one penny in
a savings account in your own era,
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'and when you arrive
at the End of Time,
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'the operation of compound interest
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'means that the fabulous cost
of your meal has been paid for.
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'... which is why
the advertising executives
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'of the star system of Bastablon
came up with this slogan:
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This way, please.
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Wowee! Zappo!
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Incredible! The people...
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the things!
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The things are also people.
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The people? The also people?
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The lights!
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The food!
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The clothes!
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The clothes?!
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Yeah, the clothes!
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The End of the Universe
is very popular.
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People dress up for it.
Gives it a sense of occasion.
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Hey, everybody's here. You know -
everybody who was anybody!
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Hi, guys! How did you do?
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Hi!
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Hey, Zaphod! There's an old mate
of mine. Look, see!
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It's Hotblack Desiato!
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See the big guy in the platinum suit?
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Oh, yeah.
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Wow! Did he ever make it megabig.
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Bigger than the biggest thing ever -
other than me.
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- Who is he?
- Hotblack Desiato?
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You never heard of Disaster Area?
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- No.
- The biggest, loudest...
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- Richest...
- Rock band in the history of...
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- History itself!
- Yeah!
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No.
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We're at the End of the Universe
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and you haven't even lived yet!
Hey, did you miss out!
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Hey, waiter, bring me volume three
of the wine list.
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Hey, Hotblack!
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How you doing? Great to see you,
big boy! How's the noise?
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You are looking great!
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Really very, very fat and unwell.
Amazing!
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Remember the old days?
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Wow! We used to hang out!
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The Bistro Illegal, remember?
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The Evildrome Boozarama?
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Slim's Throat Emporium?
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Great days, eh?
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When we were hungry,
we'd pose as health inspectors
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and confiscate meals and drinks,
and get food poisoning!
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And you were up all night trying to
write songs, and we all hated them!
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You didn't care, but we did
because we hated them so much.
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You said you didn't want to be a star
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because you despised
the star system,
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and we said we didn't think you had
the option. And what do you do now?
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You BUY star systems!
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Here is a guy who buys star systems!
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What's that number you do? That
really huge one? How does it go?
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Er... da... da... da... something.
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And in this stage act, it ends with
the ship crashing right into the sun
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and you actually DO it!
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I mean, ship... sun... bang!
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I mean, forget lasers.
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You guys are into solar flares
and real sunburn,
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and terrible songs!
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Yeah! Let's have a drink!
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Yeah!
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Hotblack?
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Kid. Beat it!
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Who are you?
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00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,960
I'm the guy
that's telling you to beat it,
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before it gets beaten for you.
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Now, listen,
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I am one of Hotblack's oldest friends
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00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,080
and I...
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00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,320
And I am Mr Desiato's bodyguard
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00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,720
and I'm responsible for his body,
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00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,880
and I am not responsible for yours,
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so take it away
before it gets damaged!
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00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,240
Now, wait a minute...
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No minutes.
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00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,520
No waiting.
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00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,280
Mr Desiato speaks to no one.
215
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,320
Well, perhaps you'd better
let him speak for himself.
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00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,320
He speaks to no one.
217
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,480
Oh, why? What's the matter with him?
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'The Hitchhiker's Guide
To The Galaxy notes that:
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Oh, hi, there, Ford. Did you talk
to your big-noise friend?
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Hot... Hotblack?
Yeah, I sort of spoke to him, yeah.
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Well, what did he say?
222
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,320
- Er... not a lot. He's, um...
- Yeah?
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00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,720
Spending a year dead
for tax reasons.
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00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,720
Oh, yeah? Neat!
225
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,920
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
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00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,480
Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,800
the Universe as we know it
has been in existence
228
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,640
for 170,000 million billion years,
229
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,640
and will be ending
in a little over ten minutes' time.
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So, welcome one and all
to Milliways,
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the Restaurant at the End
of the Universe!
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I am your host for this evening,
Max Quordlepleen,
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00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,600
and I have come straight from
the very, very other End of Time,
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00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,320
where I've been hosting a show
at the Big Bang Burger Bar,
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where we had a very exciting
evening, ladies and gentlemen,
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and I will be with you
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right through
this tremendous historic occasion -
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00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,000
the end of history
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00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,920
itself.
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So...
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now, ladies and gentlemen,
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take your places at the table.
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00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,520
The candles are lit,
the band is playing,
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00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,720
and as the force-shielded dome
above us slides apart
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00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,480
revealing a dark and sullen sky
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00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,760
hung with the ancient light
of livid, swollen stars,
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00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:20,120
I can see we are in for
a fabulous evening's apocalypse!
248
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,040
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
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I'll be back again in a moment.
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00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,920
Would you all like to see the menu,
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00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,480
or would you care to meet
the dish of the day?
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00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,520
- Meet?
- What is it?
253
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,920
It's an Amiglion Major cow.
I'll bring him over.
254
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,560
OK, we'll meet the meat. That's cool!
255
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,400
Beugh... A-hem...
256
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,440
Good evening, madam and gentlemen,
257
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,600
I am the main dish of the day.
258
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,960
May I interest you
in parts of my body?
259
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,520
Huh?
260
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,880
Oh, well.
261
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,960
Something off my shoulder, perhaps?
262
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,600
- Braised in a white wine sauce?
- Your shoulder?!
263
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,720
Well, naturally mine, sir.
264
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,120
Nobody else's is mine to offer!
265
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,520
The rump is very good, sir.
266
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,400
I have been exercising
and eating plenty of grain,
267
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,440
so there's a lot of good meat there.
268
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:22,360
Or a casserole of me, perhaps?
269
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:26,360
You mean this animal
actually wants us to eat it?
270
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,400
Me? I don't mean anything.
271
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,400
It's the most revolting thing
272
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,920
- I've ever heard!
- What's the problem?
273
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,800
I don't want to eat an animal
that's inviting me to!
274
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,680
It's better than eating an animal
that doesn't want to be eaten.
275
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,920
That's not the point.
276
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,320
Well, maybe it is the point.
277
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,080
I don't want to talk about it.
278
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,920
I'll have a green salad.
279
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,760
May I urge you, sir,
to consider my liver?
280
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,440
It must be very rich and tender
by now.
281
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,720
I have been force-feeding myself
for months.
282
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,840
Green salad, please.
283
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,400
A green salad!
284
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,600
Is there any reason
why I shouldn't have a green salad?
285
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:12,040
I know many vegetables that
are very clear on that point, sir,
286
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,800
which is why it was decided to cut
through the whole tangled problem
287
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,840
by breeding an animal
that actually wanted to be eaten
288
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,800
and was capable of saying so
289
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,480
clearly and distinctly.
290
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,640
And here I am!
291
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,440
A glass of water...?
292
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:31,000
Listen, we want to eat! We don't
want to make a meal of the issues.
293
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,920
- Four rare steaks, please.
- Very wise choice, sir.
294
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,480
I'll just nip off
295
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,120
and shoot meself.
296
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:39,760
Oh, God!
297
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,440
Don't worry, sir.
298
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,360
I'll be very humane.
299
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,960
What's eating you, Earthman?
300
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,520
Hello, ladies and gentlemen!
301
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,680
Is everybody having
one last wonderful time?
302
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,000
Good.
303
00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,800
And now,
304
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,040
as the photon storms gather
in swirling clouds around us,
305
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,960
preparing to tear apart
the last of the red hot suns,
306
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,080
I hope you will all enjoy with me
307
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:11,040
what I know you will find
a tremendously exciting
308
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,320
and terminal experience.
309
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,480
Believe me, ladies and gentlemen,
310
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,160
there is nothing penultimate
about this one.
311
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,200
This one, ladies and gentlemen,
312
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,800
is the proverbial IT!
313
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,280
After this,
314
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:26,880
there is void,
315
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,440
emptiness,
316
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,120
oblivion,
317
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:33,560
absolute...
318
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,640
nothing.
319
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,480
Except of course
for the sweet trolley
320
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,080
and our fine selection
of Aldebran liqueurs!
321
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,160
And for once, ladies and gentlemen,
322
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,680
there is no need to worry about
having a hangover in the morning,
323
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,720
for there will be no more mornings!
324
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,920
And now, at the risk
of putting a damper
325
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,840
on this wonderful atmosphere
of doom and futility,
326
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,920
I'd like to welcome a few parties.
327
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:03,080
Now, do we have a party from the
Zansellquasure Flamarion Bridge Club
328
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,320
from beyond the Vortvoid of Qvarne?
329
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,560
Last bids now, and no cheating!
330
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,760
This is a very solemn moment!
331
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,920
And a party of minor deities
332
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,080
from the halls of Asgaard?
333
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,280
And a party of young Conservatives
from Sirius B?
334
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,840
This is all your fault, of course!
335
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,800
And lastly,
a party of devout believers
336
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,400
from the Church of the Second Coming
337
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,120
of the Great Prophet Zarquon.
338
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,360
Still waiting for the second coming.
339
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,440
Well, fellas, let's hope he hurries.
He's got eight minutes left!
340
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,320
But seriously, though,
no offence meant.
341
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,240
I know one shouldn't make fun
of deeply held beliefs,
342
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,600
so I think a great big hand
for the Great Prophet Zarquon...
343
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:05,560
wherever he's got to!
344
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,680
It's marvellous to see
so many of you here tonight.
345
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,320
No, isn't it, though?
346
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,240
Because I know so many of you
come time and time again
347
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,440
to watch this final end
of everything,
348
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,400
and then return home
to your own eras
349
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,200
and raise families,
350
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,360
strive for new and better societies,
351
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,240
and fight terrible wars
for what you know is right.
352
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:30,560
It gives one real hope
for the whole future of lifekind...
353
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,200
except, of course,
354
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:33,960
we know it hasn't got one!
355
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,400
Excuse me, sir.
356
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,200
Who, me?
357
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,560
- Mr Zaphod Beeblebrox?
- Er, yeah.
358
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,600
There is a phone call for you, sir.
359
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,360
- Hey, what?
- Here?
360
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,920
Who knows where I am?
361
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,640
Maybe the Galactic Police
have traced you here.
362
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,720
So they can arrest me
over the phone?
363
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,720
Could be. I'm a pretty
dangerous dude when cornered.
364
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,920
Yeah, you go to pieces so fast,
people get hit by the shrapnel!
365
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,520
- Hey, what is this? Judgement Day?
- Is it that as well? Terrific!
366
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,640
Who's the cat on the phone?
Pass the wine, Ford.
367
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,600
I am not personally acquainted
with the metal gentleman, sir...
368
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:14,080
Metal?
369
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,680
But am informed
he has been awaiting your return
370
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,960
for a considerable number
of millennia.
371
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,480
You left here
somewhat precipitately.
372
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,120
Left here? We've only just arrived!
373
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,680
Indeed, sir,
374
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,760
but before you arrived here,
you left.
375
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,240
You're saying
that before we arrived here,
376
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,000
we left here?
377
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,160
That is what I said, sir.
378
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,440
Put your analyst
on danger money, baby!
379
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,560
Wait.
380
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,680
Where exactly is here?
381
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,760
The planet Magrathea, sir.
382
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,840
But we just left there.
383
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,320
We're at the Restaurant at the End
of the Universe, I thought!
384
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:52,960
Precisely, sir.
385
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,320
The one was constructed
on the ruins of the other.
386
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:00,080
Ah, I see! So you mean we've
travelled in time but not in space?
387
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,840
You semi-evolved simian!
Go climb a tree!
388
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,120
Go bang your heads together,
four eyes!
389
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,320
No, no. Your monkey has got it right.
390
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,480
You jumped forward
many millions of years in time
391
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,120
whilst retaining
the same position in space.
392
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:16,000
Your friend has been awaiting you
in the meantime.
393
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,640
Marvin! It must be Marvin!
394
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,360
The paranoid android!
395
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,160
Space cookies! Hand me
the rap rod plate, captain!
396
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:24,840
I beg your pardon, sir?
397
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,400
The phone, waiter!
398
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,880
You guys are so unhip, it's a wonder
your bums don't fall off!
399
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:32,360
The phone, sir.
400
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,400
Hi, Marvin. How are you doing?
401
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,320
I think you ought to know
402
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,440
I'm feeling very depressed.
403
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,440
Yeah? We're having a great time -
wine, food,
404
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,080
and the Universe going foom!
405
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,640
Where are you, Marvin?
406
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,880
You don't have to pretend
to be interested in me, you know.
407
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:52,000
I know perfectly well
I'm only a menial robot.
408
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,520
Yeah, but where are you?
409
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,080
"Reverse primary thrust, Marvin,"
410
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,840
that's what they say to me.
411
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,000
"Open airlock number three, Marvin.
412
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,600
"Marvin, can you pick up
that piece of paper?"
413
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,000
Here I am,
brain the size of a planet,
414
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,160
picking up a piece of paper!
415
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,040
Yeah. Marvin...
416
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,440
But I'm quite used
to being humiliated.
417
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:13,640
I can even go and stick my head
418
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,040
in a bucket of water if you like.
419
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,360
I mean, if that's what
you really want.
420
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:23,040
Would you like me to stick my head
in a bucket of water?
421
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,880
- I've got one ready.
- Marvin, um...
422
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:27,440
What's he saying, Zaphod?
423
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,560
Nothing. He just phoned
to wash his head at us.
424
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,440
Marvin, will you please tell us
where you are!
425
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:37,360
- I'm in the car park.
- What are you doing in the car park?
426
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:41,200
Parking cars. What else
does one do in a car park?
427
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,720
OK, stay there.
I'll be down in a minute.
428
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,680
That makes two of us.
429
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:50,000
Come on, guys, let's go!
Marvin's down in the car park.
430
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:51,720
What's he doing there?
431
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,320
Parking cars, what else, dum-dum?
Come on, let's go!
432
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,920
Now, an interesting effect
to watch for
433
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,480
is in the upper left-hand quadrant
of the sky,
434
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,080
where you can see
the star system of Hastromil
435
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,280
boiling away into the ultraviolet.
436
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,360
Anyone here from Hastromil?
437
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,680
Well, it's too late to worry about
438
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,160
whether you left
the gas on at home now!
439
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,520
There he is! Marvin!
440
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,880
Hey, Marvin, kid,
are we pleased to see you!
441
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,920
No, you're not! No one ever is.
442
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,600
Suit yourself.
443
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,280
No, Marvin, really we are!
444
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:27,760
Quite.
445
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,960
Hanging around waiting for us
all this time!
446
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,440
The first ten million years
were the worst.
447
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,800
And the second ten million,
448
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,000
they were the worst, too.
449
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,120
The third ten million
I didn't enjoy at all.
450
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:44,520
After that,
I went into a bit of a decline.
451
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,200
Poor old Marvin!
452
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,840
It's the people you meet in this job
who really get you down.
453
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,080
The best conversation I had
454
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,960
was over 34 million years ago.
455
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,720
Oh, dear.
456
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,880
And that was with a coffee machine.
457
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,720
Hey, Zaph, look at this baby.
458
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,680
The tangerine star buggy
with black sun busters.
459
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,960
Hey, get this number.
460
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,640
Multicluster Quark drive
with perspulax running boards!
461
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,440
This has got to be
a Lazlar Lyricon custom job.
462
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,680
I was passed by one of these mothers
out by the Axel Nebula.
463
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,880
I was going flat out and this thing
just strolled past me!
464
00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,160
- It was incredible!
- Too much!
465
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:23,800
Ten seconds later
466
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,920
it smashed straight
into the third moon of Jaglan Beta.
467
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:28,640
Great-looking ship, though.
468
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:33,160
Looks like a fish, moves
like a fish, steers like a cow.
469
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,040
Yeah, that really is bad
for the eyes!
470
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:40,960
It's so black! You can hardly see it.
Light just falls into it.
471
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,880
Hey, feel this surface!
472
00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:45,240
Yeah... Hey, you can't!
473
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,400
It's just totally frictionless!
474
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,520
This must be one mother of a mover.
475
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,360
Well, what do you reckon, Ford?
476
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:55,120
You reckon we should just stroll off
with it? Do you think we should?
477
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:56,680
- No.
- Neither do I.
478
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,240
- Let's do it.
- OK.
479
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,560
We'd better hurry. In a few seconds,
the Universe will end,
480
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,760
and all those creeps will come
for their bourgemobiles.
481
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,040
Hey, Zaph. How do you get into it?
482
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,400
Just don't spoil
a beautiful idea, Ford.
483
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,360
- Maybe the robot can figure it out!
- Hey, Marvin!
484
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,040
We've got a job for you.
485
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,680
I won't enjoy it.
486
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,600
Yes, you will. There's a whole new
life stretching out in front of you!
487
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,000
- Oh, not another one!
- Shut up and listen!
488
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,680
There'll be excitement and adventure
and really wild things!
489
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,640
- Sounds awful.
- But, Marvin...
490
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,080
I suppose you want me to help you
491
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,320
to get into this spaceship...
492
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,280
Marvin, will you just listen!
493
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,160
And open the door for you.
494
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:37,800
What?
495
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,120
Er... Yeah.
496
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,200
Well, I wish you'd just tell me
497
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,000
rather than try to engage
my enthusiasm,
498
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,520
because I haven't got one.
499
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:54,720
Abracadiodularservosystems.
500
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,320
How did you do that, Marvin?
501
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,920
Oh, didn't I tell you I've got
a brain the size of a planet?
502
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,480
Oh, yeah.
503
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,160
Hey, Zaph,
come and have a look at this.
504
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:11,920
Hey! Weird!
505
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,720
It's so black.
506
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:18,760
Everything in it
is just totally black!
507
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,000
Well, this is very pretty,
I must say!
508
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,480
Yeah, I like a change of scene!
509
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:41,560
Hey! This is one ace
wonderful ship, eh, Ford!
510
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,040
Yeah.
511
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,920
Pity it doesn't seem to work,
isn't it?
512
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,680
- Ah, well.
- Hey, where are you going?
513
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,920
To find another ship. One
with a single red button suits me.
514
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,680
Hey, listen, Ford. This is the most
stylish heap I have ever been in!
515
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:00,640
We are gonna make it work, OK?
516
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,400
YOU make it work!
517
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,320
I can make any ship work!
518
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,800
You hear that, ship?
519
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,920
Hey! I did it!
520
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,080
OK, guys, we're on our way!
521
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:14,680
Where?
522
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,640
Who cares where? We just go!
523
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,720
Yeah!
524
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,320
Ladies and gentlemen, the moment
you've all been waiting for!
525
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,280
The skies begin to tremble!
526
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,120
Nature collapses
into the screaming void!
527
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:30,760
In 15 seconds' time,
528
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,680
the Universe itself will be
at an end!
529
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:39,360
See where the light of infinity
bursts in upon us!
530
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,320
What's this? What's happening?
Who's this?
531
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,400
I don't believe it!
532
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,400
Ladies and gentlemen,
a big hand, please,
533
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,240
for the Great Prophet Zarquon!
534
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,960
Er, hello, everybody. I'm sorry
I'm a bit late. Had a terrible time.
535
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,840
All sorts of things cropping up
at the last moment.
536
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,160
How are we for time?
537
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,400
'One of the major selling points
538
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,120
'of that wholly remarkable book:
539
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,480
'apart from its relative cheapness,
540
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,960
'and the fact it has
the words "Don't Panic"
541
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,320
'in large friendly letters
on the cover,
542
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:23,960
'is its compendious
and occasionally accurate glossary.
543
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:25,600
'Its simplistic style
544
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,400
'is partly explained
by the fact that its editor,
545
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,680
'having to meet
a publishing deadline,
546
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,600
'copied the information off the back
of a packet of breakfast cereal,
547
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,280
'hastily embroidering it
with a few footnotes
548
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,320
'in order to avoid prosecution
549
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:44,560
'under the incomprehensibly tortuous
Galactic copyright laws.
550
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,920
'It is interesting to note
that a later and wilier editor
551
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:49,800
'sent the book backwards in time
552
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:51,680
'through a temporal warp,
553
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,160
'and then successfully sued
the breakfast cereal company
554
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,240
'for infringement of the same laws.
555
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:03,000
'Here's a sample in both headings
and footnotes:
556
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:07,120
Basically, what you're telling me
is that the ship is out of control!'
557
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,280
The weird colour scheme freaks me.
558
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,680
Every time I try to operate
one of these weird black controls,
559
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:16,440
a small black light lights up in
black to let you know you've done it.
560
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:18,800
It it some kind
of Galactic hyper hearse?
561
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,640
Maybe the designer had eyes that
respond to different wavelengths.
562
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:24,320
Or had no imagination!
563
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,120
Perhaps he was feeling
very depressed.
564
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,520
It's beginning to make me
feel spacesick!
565
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,640
Timesick!
We're going backwards through time.
566
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:37,600
- Now I AM going to be ill!
- We could do with some colour here.
567
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:46,560
Oh, that's better! Have you managed
to make sense of the controls?
568
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:51,040
No. We just stopped
fiddling with them.
569
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,040
OK, Hotblack,
570
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,280
the black ship's ready to crash
into the sun of Kakrafoon.
571
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:01,360
Time to get there ourselves.