1 00:00:26,476 --> 00:00:33,076 06 The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - Eposode 1.6 1981 English 2 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,560 'The history of every major Galactic civilisation 3 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:43,920 'passes through three distinct and recognisable phases: 4 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:54,400 'For instance, the first phase is characterised by the question: 5 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,880 'The second by the question: 6 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,160 'The third by the question: 7 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,800 'Though it will take a large civilisation thousands of years 8 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,520 'to pass through the how, why and where phases, 9 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,560 'small social groupings under stressful conditions 10 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,320 'can pass through these phases with extreme rapidity thus... ' 11 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,360 How are doing? Badly. 12 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,040 Why? Shut up! 13 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:28,560 Excitement and adventure and really wild things. 14 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,960 'Excitement and adventure and really wild things 15 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,880 'have been dogging Arthur Dent for some days. 16 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:40,000 'He's had his planet demolished to make way for a hyperspace by-pass, 17 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,720 'and has been confronted with the disconcerting knowledge 18 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,920 'that the Earth was not what it appeared, 19 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,400 'but was in fact a gigantic super-computer 20 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:56,040 'designed to calculate the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. 21 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,520 'The answer to which is now known to be: 22 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:06,400 'He and his companions have been blasted far forward in time 23 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,160 'to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, 24 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,680 'from which they're returning in a ship 25 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:16,400 'which could not in all honesty be said to belong to them. 26 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,880 'Can they now relax for a while and take stock? 27 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,400 'No. 28 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:24,760 'The ship does in fact belong to Disaster Area, 29 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,600 'a plutonium rock band whose stage act traditionally ends 30 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:34,280 'with a black stunt ship on autopilot crashing into the heart of a nearby sun. 31 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:39,440 'Of this, however, Arthur Dent and his companions are totally unaware. 32 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,760 'They decide to relax for a while and take stock. ' 33 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,440 Listen, Earthman, you've a job to do. 34 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,760 The Question to the Ultimate Answer, right? 35 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,160 There's a lot of loot in that head thing of yours. 36 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,440 Where do we start? The Ultimate Answer's 42. 37 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,000 What's the question? How should I know? It could be anything. 38 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,880 What's six times seven? 39 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,120 - 42! - Yes, I know that. 40 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,200 I'm just saying it could be anything. Why ask me? 41 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:09,360 'Cause you were the last one! You were there at the Big Firework! 42 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,400 - I wish you'd stop saying that. - I know. 43 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,520 Shut up, this is organism talk. 44 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,840 It's printed in the Earthman's brainwave patterns, 45 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:21,880 but I don't suppose you'll be very interested in that. 46 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,400 You can read my mind? 47 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,480 - Yes. - And? 48 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,880 It amazes me how you manage to live in anything that small. 49 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,360 Abuse! 50 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,120 Ignore him, he's only making it up. 51 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:37,120 Making it up? Why should I want to do that? 52 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:41,160 Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it. 53 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,040 Marvin, if you knew all along, why didn't you tell us? 54 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:49,280 - You didn't ask. - We're asking now. What's the question? 55 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,600 - The Ultimate Question? - Yes! 56 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,960 - Of Life, the Universe and Everything? - Yeah! 57 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:59,560 - To which the answer is 42? - Yeah, come on! 58 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,160 You're not really interested. 59 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,640 Tell us, you motorised maniac! 60 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,120 This ship knows where it's going better than we do. 61 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,720 I could tell you weren't really interested. 62 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,000 - Who does this ship belong to? - Me. 63 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,680 - Who does it really belong to?! - Really me! 64 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,560 Property is theft, right? 65 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:29,080 Therefore theft is property, therefore this ship is mine. 66 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:33,240 - Tell the ship that. - Ship! This is your new owner speaking! 67 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:43,400 OK, channel 9 on power. Testing channel 15. 68 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:48,400 Channel 15, A-OK. Now in pre-sundive position. 69 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,960 Put in under control of central-stage coordination. 70 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:57,200 Ship locked into stage computer A-OK. Stand by for sundive. 71 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,520 - Turn it off! - What does sundive mean? 72 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,880 The ship is going to dive into the sun. 73 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,720 Sun. Dive. It's very simple to understand. 74 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:12,840 What do you expect if you steal Disaster Area's stunt ship? 75 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:17,960 Marvin, what makes you think it's Disaster Area's stunt ship? 76 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,040 Simple... 77 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:23,400 I parked it for them. 78 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,640 Then why...? 79 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,680 Why didn't you tell us?! 80 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:32,480 You said you wanted excitement and adventure and really wild things. 81 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:35,600 This is awful! 82 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,880 That's what I said. 83 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,440 Hi, there, Galactic rock fans! 84 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,760 Fine weather for the concert this afternoon. 85 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,040 I'm standing here on stage in the desert, 86 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,120 and with my hyper-binoctic glasses 87 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:59,520 I can just make out the huge audience on the horizon all around. 88 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,640 Behind me, huge speaker stacks rise like a cliff face, 89 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:06,440 high above the sun is shining and doesn't know what's going to hit it. 90 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:10,880 The environmentalist lobby do know and claim the concert will cause 91 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:17,160 earthquakes, tidal waves, hurricanes and other things they always go on about. 92 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:22,240 But I've just heard that Disaster Area met with the environmentalists 93 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:23,960 and had them shot! 94 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:30,760 So now nothing stands in the way of the concert going ahead today. 95 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,520 - Know what I'm thinking? - I think so. 96 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,600 Tell me what you think I'm thinking. 97 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:40,080 - It's time to get off this ship. - I think you're right. 98 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,120 I think you're right. 99 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:47,639 - How? - Quiet, we're thinking. 100 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:51,720 So this is it? We're going to die. 101 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,040 I wish you'd stop saying that. 102 00:06:55,280 --> 00:07:00,400 'One of the things Ford Prefect found hard to understand about human beings 103 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:08,080 'was their habit of continually stating and re-stating the very, very obvious, as in: 104 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:21,320 'First, Ford formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. 105 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:26,080 'If human beings don't exercise their lips, he thought, 106 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,520 'their mouths probably seize up. 107 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,920 'After a while, he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. 108 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,600 'If they don't exercise their lips, he thought, 109 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,560 'their brains start working. 110 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,880 'In fact, this second theory is more literally true of the Belcerebon People 111 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,240 'of Kakrafoon Kappa. 112 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:52,440 'The Belcerebons used to cause great resentment amongst neighbouring races 113 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,280 'by being one of the most enlightened, accomplished 114 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:59,560 'and, above all, quiet civilisations in the Galaxy. 115 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,600 'As a punishment for this behaviour, 116 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,200 'which was held to be offensively self-righteous and provocative, 117 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:11,120 'a Galactic tribunal inflicted on them that most cruel of all social diseases: 118 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,120 'telepathy. 119 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:20,480 'Now, in order to prevent themselves broadcasting every slightest thought 120 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,840 'to anyone within a five-mile radius, 121 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,680 'they have to talk loudly and continuously about the weather, 122 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,720 'their little aches and pains, the match this afternoon 123 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:34,520 'and what a noisy place Kakrafoon has suddenly become. 124 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,720 'Another method of temporarily blotting out their mind is to play host 125 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,200 'to a Disaster Area concert. ' 126 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,480 This is it! We're starting to dive! 127 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,880 We're heading straight into the sun! 128 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,520 - How many escape capsules are there? - None! 129 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,520 - You counted them? - Twice! Raise the crew on the radio? 130 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:14,120 - I said there were people on board. - And they said? 131 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:15,600 "Hi, there!" 132 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:19,200 - You told them who you were? - Yeah. They said it was a great honour. 133 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,320 What does "teleport" mean? 134 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,240 What did you say? 135 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,920 - Probably the wrong moment. - Where's the teleport? 136 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:31,800 Under this sign that says "Out of order". There. 137 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,320 Hell's donkeys! 138 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:41,800 It seems OK. Just the automatic where-we're-going system is cocked up. 139 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:46,560 - Who cares? Let's just go! - Someone has to operate it manually. 140 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:50,360 - Whoever it was would... would... - Wouldn't... 141 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,360 Escape. 142 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,520 Hey, Marvin, kid! 143 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,160 How you doing? 144 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,280 Very badly, I suspect. 145 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:12,840 - How would you like to... - lay down my life selflessly for you? 146 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,040 - Make the ultimate sacrifice? - Yeah. 147 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:22,040 Consign my brain, which is the size of a planet, to death in a blazing sun, 148 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,720 so that you can all pursue your futile little lives? 149 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:33,320 Yeah. Nothing personal. You don't count as a person, do you, kid? 150 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,880 All right. 151 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:40,440 - Come on, guys! - Better all get into the teleport. 152 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:44,520 Marvin, you stupid tin can, shift it! 153 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:48,120 We really appreciate this. 154 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,840 I suppose some people might expect better treatment 155 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:59,360 after having waited 576,000 million years in a car park. 156 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,840 But not me. 157 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,240 I may just be a menial robot, 158 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:09,800 but I'm far too intelligent to expect anyone to think of me for a moment. 159 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:15,240 In fact, I'm so intelligent, I've probably got time to go through the five mill... 160 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,400 Ford? 161 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,160 Ford? 162 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,560 Ford? 163 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,760 Arthur! 164 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,320 - Arthur! - Ford! 165 00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:59,040 - Zaph? - Trillian? Where've they got to? 166 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:04,080 There's no reason why we should all end up in the same place. 167 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,920 - Ah, well. - Trillian? 168 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,080 They could be anywhere. So could we, for that matter. 169 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:11,560 Zaphod? 170 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,400 What's that? 171 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,200 Feet! Let's move! 172 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:23,800 - That's the way they're coming from. - No, that's the way! 173 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,280 You're right! 174 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:32,720 This way! 175 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,280 Joggers! 176 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,720 - A funeral parlour? - Wild! 177 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:29,120 - What's so great about dead people? - I dunno. What is so great? 178 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,440 Look, a plaque. 179 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,600 And a serial number. 180 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,800 - A dead telephone sanitiser? - Best kind. 181 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,960 - What's he doing here? - Not a lot! 182 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,520 This one's a hairdresser. 183 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:49,080 This one's an advertising account executive. 184 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,480 A second-hand car salesman, third class. 185 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,400 Are you sure these are coffins? They're terribly cold. 186 00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:01,480 All right! Put your hands up and turn around slowly. 187 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:06,240 - Why isn't anyone ever pleased to see us? - You're my prisoners. 188 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,400 - All right. - Move! Move! 189 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,680 - Move? - Move! 190 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:15,920 Left, right, left, right! Keep in line! Left, right, left, right! 191 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:20,640 Left, right, one, two, three! 192 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,640 - Captain? - Yes, Number Three? 193 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,480 I've had a sort of report-thingy from Number One. 194 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:53,600 - Oh, dear... - Something about finding prisoners. 195 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:59,120 Perhaps it'll keep him happy for a bit. He's always wanted some. 196 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,880 - Captain, sir! - Hello, Number One. Having a nice day? 197 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:08,560 I've brought the prisoners from Freezer Base 7, sir. 198 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,400 Hello! Excuse me not getting up, just having a quick bath. 199 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,200 Well, gin and tonics all round, then! Look in the fridge, Number Three! 200 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,040 Certainly, sir! 201 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,280 Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir? 202 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,480 Why on Golgafrincham should I do that? 203 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:26,120 To get information out of them, sir, find out why they came here. 204 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:30,680 No, no. I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you? 205 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,840 But, sir... they're my prisoners. Can't I interrogate them a little bit? 206 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,240 Oh, very well. 207 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,320 - Ask them what they want to drink. - Thank you, sir. 208 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,320 All right. 209 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,240 You scum! 210 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,560 - You vermin! - Steady on, Number One! 211 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,800 What do you want to drink? 212 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,200 Gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur? 213 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:57,680 Yes! 214 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:02,240 With ice or without? 215 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,440 With, please. 216 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,880 Lemon? 217 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:13,000 Yeah. Do you have any of those little biscuits, the cheesy ones? 218 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,520 I'm asking the questions. 219 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,760 Number One, push off, will you? 220 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,120 I'm trying to take a relaxing bath. 221 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:26,360 May I respectfully remind you that you've been in that bath for over three years? 222 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,800 Well, one needs to relax a lot in a job like mine. 223 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,280 Can I just...? 224 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,920 Could I just ask you what your job is? 225 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,120 - Your drinks. - Thanks. 226 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,760 - I couldn't help noticing the bodies. - Bodies? 227 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:44,040 Dead telephone sanitisers and account executives. 228 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:49,920 They're not dead, no! They're just frozen. They'll be revived. 229 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:54,400 - You've a hold full of frozen hairdressers? - Millions of them. 230 00:16:54,640 --> 00:17:00,280 Hairdressers, tired TV producers, insurance salesmen, personnel officers. 231 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,000 Security guards, public relations executives. 232 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:07,200 Management consultants. We're going to colonise another planet. 233 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,880 - What? - Exciting, isn't it? 234 00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,240 - With that lot?! - Don't misunderstand me. 235 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,560 We're just one of the ships of the Ark Fleet. We're the B Ark. 236 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:21,240 Excuse me, could you run a little more hot water for me? 237 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:25,160 - Yes, sure. - Thanks. 238 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:37,440 - What's a B Ark? - Well, our planet was doomed. 239 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,760 - Doomed? - Yes, so everybody said, 240 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:44,160 Let's pack the whole population into giant spaceships 241 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,280 - and settle on another planet. - A less doomed one? 242 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:51,600 Precisely. So it was decided to build three gigantic ships. 243 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,920 Three gigantic Arks in space. 244 00:17:55,160 --> 00:18:00,800 The idea was that into the first ship would go all the brilliant leaders, scientists, 245 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,720 the great artists, you know, all the achievers. 246 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:09,160 Into the third ship would go all the people who do the actual work, 247 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,400 who make things and do things. 248 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,960 Then into the B ship-that's us - would go everyone else, the middlemen. 249 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:20,040 Of course, we were sent off first. 250 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,680 - What was wrong with your planet? - It was doomed. 251 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:29,120 Apparently it was going to blow up or crash into the sun or something. 252 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,920 That's not what I was told. 253 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,720 My commander swore that the entire planet was about to be eaten 254 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,480 by a mutant star goat. 255 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,440 - Really? - Yes. 256 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:44,280 He said how lucky I was to be going off in the first ship. 257 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:50,600 But they made sure they sent all you lot off first, anyway. 258 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:55,360 Oh, yes! And everyone said - very nice I thought - 259 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:59,600 how important for morale to feel that they were arriving on another planet 260 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:04,880 where you could get a good haircut and where the phones were clean. 261 00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,920 Yes. I can see that'd be very important. 262 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,920 - Can you? - Sh! 263 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,520 And the rest of the ships followed on after you? 264 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,040 Funny you should mention that, 265 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,880 'cause curiously enough we haven't heard a peep out of them 266 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:25,080 since we left five years ago, yet they must be behind us somewhere. 267 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,800 Yes... 268 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,360 Unless they're all eaten by the goat? 269 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:34,400 The goat! 270 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:41,160 Funny... Now that I come to tell the story to someone else... 271 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,960 Don't you find it a bit odd, Number Three? 272 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,760 - Well... - It is a bit odd, isn't it? 273 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,480 - It's odd. - Yes, well... 274 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,440 I can see you've a lot to talk about. So thanks for the drink. 275 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,600 Could you drop us off at the nearest convenient planet? 276 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,200 That's a little difficult, you see. 277 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:04,080 Our trajectory thingy was pre-set before we left Golgafrincham. 278 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:09,360 I think it was partly due to the fact I'm not really very good at figures. 279 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,320 You mean... 280 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:15,560 We're stuck here on this ship? 281 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,360 When are you going to arrive at this planet? 282 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,680 We're nearly there. Nearly there. 283 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,920 I should be out of this bath, in fact... 284 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,400 Oh, why stop just when I'm enjoying it? 285 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:31,000 - We are about to land, then? - Not exactly land, no. 286 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,000 As far as I remember, we were programmed to crash on it. 287 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,720 Crash?! 288 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:41,440 Some reason for it, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. 289 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:45,799 You're all a load of useless bloody loonies! 290 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:50,880 Yes, that was it! That was the reason! 291 00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:03,160 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy has this to say about Golgafrincham: 292 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,880 'Meanwhile, the remaining useless third crash-landed 293 00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:42,720 'into the prehistoric dawn of a small blue-green planet 294 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:47,280 'at the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy. ' 295 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,320 It's odd, isn't it? 296 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:53,240 'With them are Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect. 297 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:58,560 'They, too, have been travelling widely in distant lands. 298 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,840 'Something is bothering them. ' 299 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,680 It's very, very odd. 300 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,080 There is one way to find out, of course. 301 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:13,920 - What, you mean by going to...? - Yes. 302 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,160 All right. 303 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,480 I said it was odd. 304 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:45,120 Yes, I remember you saying. 305 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,560 I can hardly believe it. 306 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,120 I find it very easy to believe things. 307 00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:52,200 I wonder how the Golgafrinchans are doing? 308 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,200 Do you? 309 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:13,400 All right! I'd like to call this meeting to some sort of order, if possible. 310 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,160 - Fancy a light trim, sir? - Not now, I'm in the bath! 311 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:21,080 - Anyone else like one? - Please, we're trying to have a meeting. 312 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:26,200 - If you'd all care to look at the agenda. - Hello! 313 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:27,720 Hello! 314 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,840 Who's that? 315 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,400 Remember me? 316 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:37,080 I... I made a discovery... I'd like to tell you about. 317 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:40,800 - Is it on the agenda? - Agenda? 318 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,720 Sorry, but speaking as a management consultant, 319 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:49,760 I must insist on the importance of the committee structure. 320 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,840 - On a prehistoric planet? - Address the chair! 321 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,320 - There isn't a chair, only a rock. - Call it a chair. 322 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,520 Why not call it a rock? 323 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,240 Will you two shut up?! 324 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,840 - I want to table a motion. - Boulder a motion, you mean! 325 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,560 Thank you, I made that point. 326 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,000 - Order, order! - If I could just say... 327 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:14,520 Order, order! 328 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,360 I would like to call to order the 573rd meeting 329 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:24,760 of the colonisation committee of the planet of Fintlewoodlewix. 330 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:32,240 This is futile! 573 meetings and you haven't even discovered fire yet! 331 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,320 If you care to look at the agenda, 332 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,680 we are having a report from the Hairdressers' Fire Development Sub-committee. 333 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,400 That's me. 334 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,240 That's you? 335 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,440 What have you done? 336 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:50,160 Well... they gave me a couple of sticks. 337 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,160 Yes. And? 338 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,840 Curling tongs? 339 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,880 You're going to die out, you know that? 340 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,040 You are obviously being totally naive! 341 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,640 When you've been in marketing as long as I have, 342 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:14,160 you know that before any new product can be developed 343 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,360 it has to be properly researched. 344 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:23,160 We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to its image... 345 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,760 - Stick it up your nose! - Precisely what we need to know. 346 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:31,400 Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally? 347 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,320 And the wheel! What about this wheel thing? 348 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,480 They say it's a fascinating project. 349 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:41,680 We're having a little difficulty there. 350 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:46,280 Difficulty? It's the single simplest machine in the entire Universe! 351 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:52,520 All right, Mr Wiseguy! You're so clever, you tell us what colour it should be! 352 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,320 O Mighty Zarquon! 353 00:25:55,560 --> 00:26:00,120 - Has no one done anything yet? - Yes! 354 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,160 I have declared war on the next continent. 355 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,000 Declared war? There's no one living there. 356 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,120 Yes. But there will be one day. 357 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:14,440 - So we've left an open-ended ultimatum. - What? 358 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,480 And blown up a few military installations. 359 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,440 - Military installations, Number Two? - Yes, sir. 360 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:25,080 Well, potential military installations. 361 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,760 All right, trees. 362 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,280 And we interrogated a gazelle. 363 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:36,280 And one of our surviving film producers rescued a camera from the wreckage. 364 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:40,160 He wants to make a documentary about you, Captain. 365 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:41,760 That's awfully nice. 366 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,280 Yes, he's got a really strong angle on it. 367 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:50,120 The burden of responsibility, the loneliness of command... 368 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:53,000 I wouldn't overstress that angle. 369 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:58,680 After all, one's never alone with a rubber duck. 370 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:03,120 If we could move on to the subject of fiscal policy? 371 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,320 Fiscal policy? 372 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:09,120 How can you have money if none of you produces anything? 373 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:11,040 It doesn't grow on trees. 374 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,880 But since we decided to adopt the leaf as legal tender, 375 00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:19,040 we have all of course become immensely rich. 376 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:24,480 But we have run into a small inflation problem owing to high leaf availability. 377 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,960 That means the current rate is something like 378 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:31,240 three major deciduous forests buy one ship's peanut. 379 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:36,320 In order to obviate this problem and revalue the leaf, 380 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:40,320 we've decided on an extensive campaign of defoliation 381 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,360 and burn down all the forests. 382 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:49,360 - I think that's a sensible move, don't you? - Fiscally shrewd! Fiscally shrewd! 383 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,480 You're mad, you know that, don't you? 384 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:57,840 Is it appropriate to inquire what you've been doing all this time? 385 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,720 You and that other interloper, missing for months? 386 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,880 We've been travelling. 387 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,160 We've... 388 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:10,880 We've been trying to find out something about this world. 389 00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:15,640 That does not sound very productive to me. No. 390 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,480 Well, have I got news for you! 391 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:22,560 It doesn't matter a pair of fetid dingos' kidneys what you do. 392 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,960 Burn down the forests. It won't make a scrap of difference. 393 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,560 You see, I've seen the future. 394 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,800 Two million years you've got, and that's it! 395 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:37,680 At the end of that time, your race will be dead. Gone. And good riddance. 396 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:42,320 Remember that. Two million years. 397 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,480 Strange chap. What about those documentary things? 398 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,360 Just time for another bath! 399 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:53,720 Sponge, somebody! 400 00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,320 No, no, no! Honestly! 401 00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:01,920 "Y" scores five, and it's on a triple word score. I explained the rules. 402 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:03,840 No, no, please! 403 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:07,960 Put down the jawbone. 404 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:12,840 All right, we'll start again. Please try and concentrate this time. 405 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:14,920 Hi, Arthur, what are you doing? 406 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,040 I'm trying to teach them Scrabble. 407 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:21,520 It's uphill work. The only word they know is "Ugh", and they can't spell it. 408 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,880 - What's the point in that? - To make them evolve. 409 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,480 Imagine a world descended from those cretins over there! 410 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,240 - We don't have to, we've seen it. - But honestly! 411 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,720 We've seen it. There's no escape. 412 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,840 - Did you tell them what we discovered? - What? 413 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,400 Norway. Slartibartfast's signature on the glacier. 414 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:44,280 - What will that mean to them? - It means this is the Earth! 415 00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,200 - My home. Where I was born. - Was? 416 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,360 - Will be. - In two million years' time. 417 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:54,000 Tell them that and see what they say. They'll chase you up a tree! Face it... 418 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:59,240 Those zeebs over there are your ancestors. Your Scrabble board won't save your race. 419 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:03,120 The human race is currently standing around a bath making documentaries! 420 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,600 - Surely we can do something? - It's all been done, we've seen it. 421 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:12,080 You know the history of the Earth and its demolition by the Vogons. 422 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,760 You can't change anything. 423 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:22,800 And all because the Golgafrinchans arrived here on their B Ark! 424 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:26,999 Ah, well. 425 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,120 Poor bloody cavemen! 426 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:33,800 It's all been a waste of time for you, hasn't it? 427 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:38,080 Out-evolved by a telephone sanitiser! 428 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:44,440 - He's pointing at the Scrabble board. - Probably spelt "library" with one R. 429 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,320 No, he hasn't. 430 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,320 No, look! 431 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,680 The experiment! 42! 432 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,440 Deep Thought's answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and whatever! 433 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,960 Everything! 42! 434 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:06,400 Of course! The experiment to find the question to that answer. 435 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,520 It's going on all around us, here. 436 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:13,520 The Earth. The ground. The trees. 437 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:18,800 The water. The rocks. The cavemen. 438 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:24,000 Terrific! We've cocked it up. 439 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,760 The Golgafrinchans, us, just by arriving here. 440 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,800 The caveman is part of the program, and they're dying out because of us. 441 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,840 Therefore, no question. 442 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:40,120 - What about my brain? - What about your brain? 443 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:43,520 Marvin said the question was printed in my brainwave patterns. 444 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:48,240 - Wrong question. It's still cocked-up. - It might give us a clue. 445 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,640 If it's in your brain, how are we going to get at it? 446 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:56,040 How about... if it's in my brain, and I can't reach it, 447 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,200 suppose we introduce some random element 448 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,840 - Shaped by the brainwave patterns? - Such as? 449 00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:05,880 Pulling out letters from the Scrabble bag. 450 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:10,040 - Brilliant! - Right! 451 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,800 Right. First four letters. 452 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:22,600 W... H... A... T. What. 453 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,600 Great. It's working. 454 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,960 D... O... Y... 455 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,920 Doy. Doyo! 456 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,600 U... G... Doyoug? 457 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,560 Ah! E... T... 458 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:43,960 Do you get. What do you get... 459 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,920 If... 460 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:51,960 Y... O... U... M... U... 461 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,400 Multi... 462 00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,400 P... Multiply! 463 00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:03,320 S... I... x... 464 00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,120 Six... by... 465 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:11,680 N... I... N... E. Nine! 466 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:16,040 Six... by... nine. 467 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,600 Is that it? 468 00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:20,400 That's it. 469 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:24,040 Six by nine? 42...? 470 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:28,000 I always said there was something fundamentally wrong with the Universe. 471 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,080 All for that! 472 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,080 Yep! 473 00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:37,400 It's very sad, you know. 474 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,320 Just at the moment it's a very beautiful planet. 475 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,840 It is. It is indeed. 476 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,200 The rich primal greens. 477 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,800 The river snaking off into the distance. 478 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,240 The burning forests. 479 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:57,760 And then in two million years, BANG! It gets destroyed by the Vogons. 480 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,600 What a life for a young planet to look forward to! 481 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,120 What a waste! 482 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:05,360 Well, better than some. 483 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,760 I read of one planet up in the 7th Dimension 484 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,840 got used as a ball in inter-Galactic bar billiards, 485 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,120 got potted straight into a black hole, killed 10 billion people. 486 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,200 Madness, total madness! 487 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,520 Only scored thirty points, too. 488 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:24,760 Where did you read that? Hm? A book. 489 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,280 - What book? - The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. 490 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,520 That thing!