1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,000 # Have I the right to hold you? 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:07,160 # You know I've always told you 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:11,840 # I've loved you from the very start 4 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:17,000 # Well, come right back I just can't bear it 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,520 # I got some love and I long to share it 6 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:25,080 # Come right back Right back where you belong 7 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:28,680 # Oh, yeah, you belong. # 8 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,520 SHE HUMS TO HERSELF 9 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,160 SHE SIGHS 10 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,000 Jars and bottles, plastic bottles. Ah! 11 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,920 Tops, tops... 12 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,040 SHE SIGHS 13 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,040 SHE SIGHS 14 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:54,200 Do you consider yourself a tree lover? Oh, it's you. 15 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,680 And my morning's been going so well. 16 00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,240 A tree lover? 17 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,840 Well, I see you performing your civic duty by, er... 18 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,880 ..letting him fertilise this tree here. 19 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,600 Where did you ever get that idea? 20 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,720 Well, has it ever occurred to you that a steady diet of dog poo 21 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,840 and dog pee might not be beneficial to a tree? You know, 22 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,080 might actually harm it? 23 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:21,320 No, I can in all honestly say it never has, no. Never. 24 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:25,480 Which could be why this particular tree's lost its 25 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,560 snap, crackle and pop. 26 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,000 I don't think you should worry 27 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,440 your already overburdened head with any of this. 28 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:32,720 I think we can leave the dogs 29 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,760 and the trees to sort all this out amongst themselves. 30 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:40,040 This from Professor Dugdale, head of symbiotic tree 31 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:44,760 and dog studies at the "Do The Bears Defecate In The Woods?" Institute. 32 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:48,520 No, I'd say you're a man in need of a holiday. 33 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,880 So would I, so would I. 34 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,960 Yes. Well, good to see you. Keep up the good work. 35 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,080 And don't stop feeding the dog. 36 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,600 Oh! Morning, Phil. 37 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,480 Bloody Dugdale. 38 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,000 He's very regular. 39 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,120 Yes, he is. 40 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,520 So's his dog. 41 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,720 SHE CHUCKLES 42 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:32,600 More exciting hints... on recycling etiquette. 43 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,200 Yes, all changed again. 44 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,000 You must have had one, too. Yes, I did. 45 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,760 Newspapers must not co-mingle with kitchen paper. 46 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,800 Co-mingle, eh? 47 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,480 Let me put the kettle on. OK. 48 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,000 "Let me put the kettle on." 49 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,480 You make it sound so alluring. 50 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:55,080 Oh, shut up and have a biscuit. All right. 51 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,440 Edith... 52 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:05,560 I'm not sure, Phil, I really don't know. Why, what was I going to say? 53 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,160 Well, what you always say when you eat the first biscuit. 54 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,120 Well, that's why you make the biscuits - 55 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,080 it's to start our usual conversation. 56 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,480 So how about it? 57 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,800 Look, if we were married I wouldn't have to cross the road 58 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,480 every day, would I? 59 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,960 What other advantages would there be? 60 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,960 Apart from you not having to cross the road? 61 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,000 Well, I've told you, we'd pool our resources. 62 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,840 I'd sell my house, you'd sell yours, 63 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:34,040 and we can buy a place in the sun in another country. 64 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,200 It could give us ten more years. Or finish us off. 65 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:41,120 Why are you being so timid? You never used to be timid. 66 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,640 When we were young... Hm-hm! 67 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,880 I wouldn't like to die abroad. Who's dying? 68 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,440 I don't imagine we're going to live forever. You're quite wrong. 69 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:55,760 Due to medical science, I am now over 25% titanium. 70 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,440 Better than I've ever been. Oh, dear. 71 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,280 Droves of bionic crumblies all wandering about 72 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:04,080 trying to remember where we put our bus passes. 73 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:09,600 You should have married me in the first place. You never asked me. 74 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,000 Well, that was your mother. She thought I was no good. 75 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,960 Very perspicacious, my mum. 76 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:17,960 Hm. 77 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,280 SHE GRUNTS 78 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,040 Colin was a good bloke. 79 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,720 And you were happy with Celia. 80 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,160 Mm! Mm! 81 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,160 Alternate days. 82 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,640 I am old now. 83 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,800 I'm ancient. I'm on my own. 84 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,680 I need rescuing by you. 85 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,800 On your own? You're here most of the time! 86 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,280 Well, I want to be here all of the time, I want us 87 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,840 to get married, I'm... I'm... I'm very conventional, you know? 88 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,080 I'm not like you used to be - a hippie. 89 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,600 I was never a hippie. I was... 90 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,240 I was a mod if I was anything. Mod! 91 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,960 THEY LAUGH 92 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,560 I can't do this much more. 93 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:37,880 Was it something I said? 94 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,920 Probably. 95 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:41,960 Usually is. 96 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,320 Listen, I... I won't do this any more, I promise. 97 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,640 You... You... You're right, it's time just... 98 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,680 ..to let it go. 99 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,760 Let it go? Oh, dear. 100 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,600 Are you kidding? 101 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,840 Is this what I think it is? 102 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:03,840 Oh, thank God! 103 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,960 You planned this - you knew all along! 104 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,320 Well, not planned exactly, not all along. 105 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,080 Bloody hell, you got me then! 106 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:15,800 I'll never trust you again. You once accused me of being reckless. 107 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,560 Well, if this is reckless, bring it on! 108 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:19,600 Ohh! 109 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:20,800 DOORBELL 110 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,640 Don't get it. No, don't... 111 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,120 HE GROANS 112 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:28,960 HE LAUGHS 113 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,240 Hello, Mum. Roger! Hello, dear. 114 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,880 Where are you off to? I've come home. 115 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:40,680 Home? I've left Wendy, that's it, it's over. What? I've left her. 116 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,680 Left her? But what about the children? 117 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,160 I've especially left them. 118 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:49,160 Something must have happened. Stuff, Mum. Stuff? 119 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,400 Yeah, and then some. 120 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:54,080 I mean, we had kids, we spent nearly 20 years together. 121 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,040 Well, that can't be it. That can't be all. 122 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,160 Quite enough for me! 123 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,480 What are you going to do? 124 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,480 And seriously, what about Jason and Jennifer? 125 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,960 Oh, Mum, don't go all sentimental on me. They're your children! 126 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,720 No, they're almost entirely Wendy's. 127 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,720 I only contribute to the colour of their hair. 128 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,720 And Jason's shaved his off and Jane, she's dyed hers orange. 129 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,480 But teenagers are always difficult. Yeah, evidently. 130 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:24,600 They'll grow out of it. I might be dead by then. Oh, dear. 131 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,400 Don't worry, Mum, it's OK. It's better this way. 132 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,760 I'm feeling happier already. When did you decide to leave? 133 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,480 About 19 years ago. Still, better late than never. 134 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,640 I'll just take this stuff up to my bedroom. 135 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:40,960 Love a cup of tea, Mum. 136 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,760 I'll put the kettle on. Oh, great. 137 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,040 Oh! 138 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,040 No work today, then? Oh, packed it in. 139 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:53,480 What? I handed in my notice. You didn't. This morning. Roger! 140 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:57,000 I want to do something else. What? I don't know... 141 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,840 I'm waiting for inspiration. A sign. A sign? 142 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,800 Something'll come up. 143 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,720 What? And when? And what are you going to live on? 144 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,440 I've got a few savings. 145 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,600 Enough for a few months. 146 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,240 God, it's great to be home, Mum. 147 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,680 I can't tell you! 148 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,040 Whoo! 149 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,080 HE LAUGHS 150 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,640 Phil's here. Phil from across the road. 151 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,080 Didn't he die? 152 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,080 No, he dropped in for a cup of tea. 153 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:30,080 Oh, he's in the habit of doing that, is he? Well, yes, yes, he is. 154 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,640 Yes, he's a... He's a good friend. 155 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,280 He's... He's company. 156 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,320 You've got me for company now, haven't you, Mum? 157 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,280 It'll be just like old times. 158 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:42,560 Got any biscuits? 159 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:43,960 I... I just made some. 160 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:48,160 Fantastic. You see? Ha-ha! You knew I was coming! 161 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,920 Are there any biscuits left? 162 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,600 Yeah, a few. Are you all right? 163 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,560 I'm not sure. Well, who was that? 164 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:02,520 Roger. He's come home. 165 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,840 Home? That's what he says. 166 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,760 He says he's left Wendy and come home. 167 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,280 And he's left his job in the bank. 168 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,160 He's not bringing the kids, is he? 169 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,640 No, he says he's especially left them. 170 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,880 Thank God - last time they were here they scratched my car. 171 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:23,480 It's a bit of a blow, isn't it? Yes, yes, it is. So what are his plans? 172 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,000 I'm not sure he's got any other than to come here. 173 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,720 But he can't... He can't stay here. I mean, we're going away. 174 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,960 It won't be for long. Certainly won't. 175 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:35,160 Well, I can't refuse him, can I? Of course you can refuse him. 176 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,960 Of course you can. You know what's going to happen, right? 177 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:41,080 You'll be shopping and cooking and washing and...and... 178 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,240 ..and ironing before you know what's going on. 179 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:47,600 I shouldn't think so. Oh, I know you, Edith, you're too NICE. 180 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,800 You mean a pushover? No, no. 181 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,800 No, you're... You're kind. 182 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,400 That's what I love about you. You've got to give him an ultimatum. 183 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:57,760 You know... 184 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,040 Two weeks and out. 185 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,200 Well, we'll see. 186 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,200 SPOONS CLATTER DOWN 187 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,920 You don't WANT him to come back here, do you? 188 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,600 What makes you think that? 189 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:13,040 You might be thinking... "he's my son". Well, he is. 190 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,240 Yeah, I know, but there are limits. 191 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,680 I can still see him in that little red pedal car with his silly hat on. 192 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:19,960 Edith, please. 193 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:27,960 Don't let this change your mind about us. No! 194 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,480 Oh, no, I wouldn't do that. My mind's made up. 195 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,880 Hello, Phil. Hello, Roger! 196 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,960 Mum... Oh, just leave them on the chair, I'll do them later. 197 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,760 Thanks, Mum. 198 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:42,800 HE GROANS 199 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,040 Oh, back trouble? No, no, no, that's the least of my worries. 200 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:51,400 So, we've just been talking about your domestic... 201 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,440 Oh, yeah, yeah. Mum told you? 202 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,560 Yeah, have you tried counselling? 203 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,640 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopeless. 204 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,400 Once a week for two months. 205 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,040 Dr Duckworth. 206 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,120 I mean, Wendy thought he was wonderful, of course. 207 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,320 It was hopeless. 208 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,480 The main problem was he was trying to save the marriage. Ah! 209 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,240 If he'd have listened to me in the first place, then... 210 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,480 You found Dad's old dressing down! 211 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:15,720 I'd been going to cut it up for dusters, just never got round to it. 212 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,200 Yes. Have some biscuits. 213 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,360 Mum. Have you seen my gear? 214 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:36,760 What gear, dear? 215 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,720 Well, my Scalextrics, my Matchbox vintage car collection, my comics. 216 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,880 Oh, those things. Oh, they've gone. 217 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,080 Gone? Years ago. Gone where? 218 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,240 Well, Dad had a big clear out. 219 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,280 What? When he did the rewiring. 220 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:54,240 So where are they? What did he do with them? I can't remember. Mum! 221 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,880 It was ages ago. Mum. 222 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,760 Erm... 223 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:02,440 I think he might have given them to the charity shop. The charity shop? 224 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,520 Yes, you know, Oxfam or the animal one. 225 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,760 Dad gave my comics to Oxfam? 226 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:10,400 Well, they've been there a long time. 227 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,640 Well... That's my collection! 228 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,920 Well, there did seem to be rather a lot of them. 229 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,560 Exactly, well, that's the point, that's what collections are, 230 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:18,600 aren't they? 231 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,560 They're quantities of things saved and left to mature somewhere... 232 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,080 ..somewhere safe. 233 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:27,680 So that you can find them for later when you want them. 234 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:31,240 But you don't lovingly spend years collecting things 235 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,960 and putting them somewhere safe and out of the way so that just 236 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,800 at the point when they become really valuable they can be chucked out! 237 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,280 Oh, they weren't chucked out! 238 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,680 Thrown away. Bloody hell! 239 00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,800 Oh, Roger! What? Oh, grow up! 240 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,400 It's all right. It's not all right. 241 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,640 It's all right for you. Hm? 242 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:52,920 I had every Beano and Dandy from 1964 to '72 in mint condition - 243 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,920 a priceless collection. 244 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,040 It was worth thousands. Oh, dear. 245 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,400 Not the thousands, a couple of hundred at most! 246 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:04,800 The Scalextric and the vintage car collection were...as good as new. 247 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,040 They made millions of them. My David had one. 248 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,560 I mean, they're worthless. 249 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,040 Yes, well, I wouldn't expect you to understand 250 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,400 the significance of cultural and social ephemera. 251 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,480 Oh, why wouldn't I? It's social history. 252 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,960 I'm writing a book on the seminal influence of The Bash Street Kids. 253 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,920 I haven't started it yet, but I'm going to. 254 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,080 HE GUFFAWS 255 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,560 I wouldn't have missed this for the whole world. 256 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,560 Roger? 257 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,600 I'm going round to see Annie. 258 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,920 Annie? Next door. Annie Harris? 259 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:37,200 Annie Harris. 260 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,080 Well, she went to Canada years and years ago - 261 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,760 just before you started at St Edmund's. 262 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,920 I need to see her. What for? I should have married her. 263 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,840 You were only seven. That's right. 264 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,560 We were innocent. 265 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,720 And that's how I know it was genuine. True and pure. 266 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,760 It was the real thing. 267 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,000 Ye Gods. 268 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,080 We were made for each other. Oh. 269 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,920 I used to sneak out and see her, then climb back in through the... 270 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,000 ..through the little window in the sitting room. 271 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,800 Oh? Did you? 272 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,880 And she felt the same way as I did. 273 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:19,480 Unfortunately, events intervened and tore us apart. 274 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,400 Otherwise it would have all been quite different 275 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,320 and I wouldn't be standing here today. 276 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,240 Oh? No, I'd be in Canada. 277 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:33,680 Running my own TV station or my own international shipping company. 278 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:37,080 Or Prime Minister - I mean, don't sell yourself short. 279 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:41,840 Roger! 280 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,840 SHE SIGHS HEAVILY 281 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:49,200 He's not right, is he? He's unhappy. Well, who's happy? 282 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,920 TYRES SCREECH 283 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,680 What now? 284 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:56,000 It's Wendy. She just drove past. 285 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,960 I thought I heard somebody go by in second gear with a handbrake on. 286 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,360 Yeah, she's checking out the house. 287 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,080 She'll park out of sight and then walk straight back. 288 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,560 You know, sort of typically sneaky behaviour. 289 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,920 Don't tell her that I'm here. 290 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,760 Roger, you've got to talk to her. 291 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:16,160 No, I can't. I can't even be in the same room as her. 292 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,960 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 293 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,240 With that little smile of hers. 294 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,160 Oh, Wendy's got a lovely smile. 295 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,040 Yeah, not when you're on the sharp end of it. 296 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,400 And not when it's intended to destroy your soul 297 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:30,360 and to squeeze every drop out of you and to freeze dry your brain. 298 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:31,560 Roger! 299 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,840 You see, people think I exaggerate, which makes it harder to bear, 300 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:38,000 of course. But I am determined to be strong. 301 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,880 DOORBELL 302 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,360 I'm not here. You've got to see her! 303 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,320 Bloody hell. 304 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,120 I'll be in the shed. Right. Don't tell her that. 305 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,320 Of course not. 306 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:53,440 Now, you help me out a bit here, Phil, and I might return the favour. 307 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,920 Gotcha. Oh, go on through. He's in the kitchen. Oh, hello, Wendy. 308 00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:00,040 Hello, Phil. Where's Roger? 309 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,320 He's in the shed. Oh, right. 310 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,280 Avoiding me, no doubt. How are you, Phil? 311 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,480 Well, I'm very well, thank you. And your back's better? Yes, yes. 312 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:11,320 Well, better than it was. Oh, good. I'm very glad. Yeah, me too. 313 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,160 And you won't have to have surgery? No, no. 314 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,640 Well, that's a blessing, isn't it? 315 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,960 Well, they don't always work, do they, these operations? 316 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,440 Not always, no. And when they do you can't be sure you won't catch 317 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,640 one of those dreadful infections, can you? 318 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,520 That's right, and you go to Switzerland, you know, to recuperate 319 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,800 in a sanatorium, and you get hit by a passing snowboarder and then 320 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,160 you lose a leg in the subsequent botched emergency surgery. 321 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,440 Well, if you need...any help with anything, anything at all. 322 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,880 That's very kind of you. No, really. I mean it. Yes, I know you do. 323 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,320 Where's Roger? Oh, in the shed. He doesn't want to see me, does he? 324 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,760 Uh... 325 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:48,120 Well, we have some serious things to talk about later, Edith, 326 00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:51,000 so I'll just pop the bubbly in the fridge. 327 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,920 Right. Just for the moment. 328 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,680 Have I come at an inconvenient time? 329 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,240 Well, you know, I think inconvenient... 330 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,600 ..is an extremely good word. 331 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,080 You know, because we were there celebrating 332 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,040 the pleasures of tranquillity 333 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:07,840 and quietness and peace, and enjoying the time together alone. 334 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,760 Phil, later. 335 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,760 Oh, please don't go on my account! No, no, no. 336 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,440 I've got to paint my lawn. Oh. 337 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,840 Otherwise the barnacles start building up. 338 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,440 Well, if you need any help... No, no. I'll manage. 339 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,040 I only need one coat. Phil, would you mind telling Roger Wendy's here? 340 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:27,720 He won't come in. Well, of course he will. No, no, he won't. He hates me. 341 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:32,080 He doesn't hate you. He does - he said it often enough. 342 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,320 We all say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment. 343 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,040 Well, he said it in the heat of the moment 344 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,360 and then subsequently in several periods of calm. 345 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:42,040 Total calm. I used to hate my brother Joe. Did you really? 346 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,280 Yeah, back then. Oh, but not now? Not now. 347 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,040 Oh, well, that's nice to hear. 348 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:50,680 I consulted a witch doctor and he gave me a small wax replica 349 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:54,320 of Joe and I used to push drawing pins into it over the weekend. 350 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,280 Eventually a tree fell on him. 351 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:58,640 Oh! 352 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,240 Phil... 353 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,440 OK. 354 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,680 See you later. 355 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,440 DOOR CLOSES 356 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:10,000 Such a nice man. Well, quite a nice man. 357 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:24,200 Would you like some coffee? Oh, well... If you're having one. 358 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,720 I am. Are you sure? Absolutely. 359 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:30,080 Really, really? Absolutely, positively. Oh, well, OK, then. 360 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,640 All right, I'll have one. Thank you. Only if you're having one. 361 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:33,960 SHE SIGHS 362 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:40,480 Wendy, I haven't had chance to talk to Roger about all this. 363 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,200 I'm sure he blames me. I should think that's normal, isn't it? 364 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,600 Par for the course. I should think you probably blame him, don't you? 365 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:52,760 Not really. No? Mainly I blame the way he was brought up. Oh. Yes. 366 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,640 You mean me? Oh, good heavens, no. Absolutely not. 367 00:19:56,640 --> 00:20:00,280 No, I'm talking about the times. You know... 368 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,000 Mothers used to spoil their sons in those days, didn't they? 369 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,240 In those days? 370 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,600 Well, there has been quite a lot of changes in the last 30 years. 371 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,160 Sandra definitely thinks so. 372 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:14,720 I should say that Roger and Sandra were both equally spoilt. 373 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,960 That's not what Sandra says. 374 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,240 She's sure that Roger was more spoilt than she was. 375 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,800 Well, she's wrong. She's grateful now, of course. Grateful? 376 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,080 She feels rather sorry for Roger. Oh? 377 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,760 She's got a better grip on reality than he has. 378 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,520 She says he suffers from... delusional expectation syndrome. 379 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:35,560 Well, I don't know what that means. There's nothing wrong with Roger. 380 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:40,120 I should think he's just having a perfectly routine midlife crisis. 381 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:45,000 I mean, he is nearly 50. We're all entitled to one of those, aren't we? 382 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,680 I should think he needs a decent holiday. 383 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,960 He's never stopped since the children were born, 384 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,440 and you moved into that enormous house. 385 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,320 KNOCKING 386 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,920 What? What is it? I think you'd better call the fire brigade. 387 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,560 What? 388 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,640 He's stuck. Roger! 389 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,000 Well and truly stuck. 390 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,920 Mum! I'm coming. 391 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,160 Ohh! 392 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,280 I think it's got caught. 393 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,200 Scissors, scissors! Why is he there? 394 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,800 What was he doing? He's practising his housebreaking techniques. 395 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,840 Well, it's a good idea. He's got to get a new job soon. What? 396 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,800 Hurry up, I can't breathe! Oh! 397 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:33,280 Wendy, Wendy, can you fetch me the kitchen steps, please? Quickly. 398 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:38,000 If you give me a shout I'll give him a push. I don't want a push. 399 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,560 What are you going to do? 400 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,760 Cut it away. It's caught, you see. 401 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,720 Well, don't do that. That's a perfectly good dressing gown. 402 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,200 It's ancient! I was going to cut it up anyway! 403 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,000 Just cut it away, cut it away! 404 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,360 There are poor people out there 405 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,960 who'd be very glad of a dressing gown like that. Poor people... 406 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,080 Bugger poor people! 407 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,720 Why don't you worry about me for a change?! Oh, Roger, how can you? 408 00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,640 I worry about you all the time. 409 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,520 Now, if you were less selfish and thought about other people from time 410 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,000 to time you might not get yourself into this kind of situation. 411 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,760 I'm stuck in a window, you daft woman, and I can't breathe! 412 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:12,040 Roger, shut up and hold your breath! Why are you stuck in the window? 413 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,360 I can give him a push from this side, or I can come in there 414 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,480 and you push him that way, but I can't pull. 415 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:20,360 You know, not with my back. Yes. No, don't push. Oh? No pushing. 416 00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,360 No pulling. Why don't you just go home, you old lecher? 417 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,040 Roger! He's trying to help! You haven't answered me. What? 418 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,640 You tried to climb through the window to avoid me, didn't you? 419 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,760 What an outlandish idea. Yes, you did. 420 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,400 It was a trip down memory lane. 421 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:39,120 What? This is the way I used to get back in after I'd been to see Annie. 422 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:41,280 The musical? 423 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,920 No, no, the woman I should have married. 424 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,120 That's a cruel lie that will rebound on you, Roger. 425 00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,080 I'm truly sorry for you. 426 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,760 Bog off. Look at you. 427 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,600 You are surrounded by kind and decent people trying to help. 428 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,520 There's Phil, who's half crippled, your mother who's far too old 429 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,720 and frail to be put through this sort of thing. Wendy! 430 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,880 No, it's all right, Edith. Someone's got to tell him how it is. 431 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,360 I thought a squirt of washing up liquid would help. 432 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,000 I thought we were supposed to be mates. 433 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,400 This would all be a lot easier if we'd just shut up for a minute! 434 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,120 What I don't understand is why you should try and climb in 435 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:15,080 through this window when you could come in through the door. 436 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,720 What? Or through a larger, more convenient window. 437 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:21,880 You just don't get it, do you? Frankly, no. This was an adventure. 438 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,640 I was on a quest. Getting through the little window was part of it. 439 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,960 Some kids have imagination. Oh! You were being creative. 440 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,480 That's one word for it. Ah! 441 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:33,720 Oh, no... 442 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,320 Ahh! Ohh! I can breathe. Brilliant. 443 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,920 Thank you. It's just typical of you, isn't it, Roger? 444 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,880 Well, we all know what's going to happen next. 445 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,880 The moment you're all right you'll clear off, 446 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,960 leave everybody else upset and in need of counselling. 447 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,800 And meanwhile, some unfortunate person - 448 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,640 someone far worse off than you, who have been very glad of this - 449 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,960 has to do without a perfectly good dressing gown. 450 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,680 We don't care about the bloody dressing gown! 451 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,480 It was an old worn-out dressing gown. 452 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:01,760 No-one would have wanted it, 453 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:03,760 no-one in their right mind would have wanted it! 454 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:07,560 Now, why don't you just go home and leave Roger be?! 455 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,040 SHE SOBS 456 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,080 Sorry. I'm so sorry. 457 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,440 MEN SNIGGER 458 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,360 And you can stop grinning! 459 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:20,200 Both of you! 460 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,000 # Sun is shinin' in the sky 461 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,920 # There ain't a cloud in sight 462 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:39,120 # It's stopped rainin' Everybody's in the lane 463 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:40,760 # And don't you know 464 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:45,160 # It's a beautiful new day Hey, hey 465 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,960 # Runnin' down the avenue 466 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:53,080 # See how the sun shines brightly in the city 467 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,560 # On the streets Where once was pity 468 00:24:55,560 --> 00:25:00,760 # Mr Blue Sky is living here today Hey, hey 469 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,840 # Mr Blue Sky Please tell us why 470 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:09,600 # You had to hide away for so long So long 471 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,560 # Where did we go wrong? 472 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,760 # Mr Blue Sky Please tell us why 473 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:20,480 # You had to hide away for so long So long 474 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,640 # Where did we go wrong? # 475 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,960 Where did he go this afternoon? 476 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:34,640 Oh, to see if the community centre still looked the same. Same as what? 477 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:39,040 As when he once played Frederic in The Pirates Of Penzance there. 478 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:40,920 You're joking? If only. 479 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,880 And then he went to search for Marigold morning emulsion paint 480 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,840 that they stopped making centuries ago. 481 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,000 For what? 482 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,160 So he could do up his room to look like it did when he was little. 483 00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:02,960 It's all becoming rather alarming, isn't it? Yes. Yes, it is. Mm. 484 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:05,600 HE SIGHS 485 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:06,640 Cheers. 486 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:07,680 SHE SIGHS 487 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:13,600 SHE SIGHS 488 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,680 This is all pretty rotten timing, isn't it? It's just awful. 489 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,920 But nothing's really changed, has it? 490 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:24,200 I mean, nothing's kind of... permanently happened. 491 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:25,880 Well, something's happened. 492 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:27,960 I'm trying to look on the bright side, Edith. 493 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:31,000 Give me a hand, throw me a life belt. 494 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:35,040 Oh, what, like, let's pretend we have no responsibilities 495 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,920 and go off, never to be seen or heard of again? 496 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:39,200 Perfect. 497 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,480 I mean, look. Putting our lives on hold at this juncture 498 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,160 when we've just made this wonderful decision - 499 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,840 I mean, isn't really going to help anyone, is it? 500 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:53,160 Least of all Roger. It wouldn't work. I'd be worrying. 501 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,160 Well, at first, but...later? 502 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:59,040 I would. And so would you. Try me. 503 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,480 Look, Edith... 504 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,560 Think of us somewhere far, far away 505 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,920 sitting on a balcony 506 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:11,640 looking out over the Mediterranean 507 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,720 with our Pinot Grigios in our hands, 508 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:22,200 sitting together watching the sun set slowly into the sea. 509 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,040 Hm?