1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,080 # Have I the right to hold you? 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:07,400 # You know I've always told you 3 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:11,560 # I've loved you from the very start 4 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:17,320 # Come right back, I just can't bear it 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,080 # I've got some love and I long to share it 6 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:24,840 # Come right back, right back where you belong 7 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:28,600 # Oh, yeah, you belong. # 8 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,320 Happy birthday, Mum! 9 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,840 Oh, hello! Oh. 10 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,120 Wow. Where have all these come from? 11 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:01,720 Oh, Phil and Roger. Three each. 12 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,320 They're even then. Level pegging. 13 00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:06,760 Well, I can't compete with that. 14 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,400 Oh, but they're lovely. 15 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,240 Oh! Ooh, and soaps! Ooh! 16 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,960 Ooh, rhubarb and ylang ylang. 17 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,640 What is that? Not a clue. 18 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,080 THEY LAUGH 19 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,320 Oh, Mum. 20 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,040 Mum, this is Roger's stuff. 21 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,640 You're not doing his washing on your birthday. 22 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,600 I'm just getting it out of the way. 23 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,840 I will kill him. Oh, please don't, dear. 24 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,000 Not on my birthday. 25 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,760 There we are. 26 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,480 No more vases? No, sorry. 27 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:44,480 If Roger wants to ruin his life, that's his business. 28 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,560 I don't see why he should be allowed to wreck everyone else's. 29 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,600 He's just finding his feet. 30 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,080 He's found your feet. 31 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:52,800 He's very stressed. 32 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,080 Give me a break. 33 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,400 Oh, Phil. 34 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:58,760 Oh Phil, this is crazy. 35 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,560 Now, this has got to stop! 36 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,120 Never. 37 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,360 Sandra. 38 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:06,160 Will we have the pleasure of your company this evening? 39 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,240 I know how hard it is for you to find a window in that busy schedule of yours. 40 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,680 Not when it's my mum's 70th. 41 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,040 Oh, we are humbled and honoured. See you later. 42 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:21,920 So it's four to three, with Phil in the lead coming round the last bend. 43 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,760 IMITATES AIRCRAFT FIRE 44 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,200 Maybe I can hear you. I'm over the English Channel now. 45 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,480 Oh, who's got some glue? 46 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:58,840 It's OK. Tango, Foxtrot, Four. 15 here. I can see them below. 47 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,440 Tango Foxtrot Four, do you have blue? 48 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,000 Do you mind if I come in? 49 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,680 I did read the signs but they were 50 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,800 so OTT I assume that they were ironic, you know? 51 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:14,480 Please come in, I'm desperately short of company. 52 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:15,760 Very funny. 53 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:19,320 Otherwise, you would have...locked the door. 54 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:25,360 What do you want? I am very busy. So I see. 55 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,080 Oh. Airfix bomber, eh? I used to play with those. 56 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:31,520 Until I realised that it was time, as the Bible says, 57 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,400 to put aside childish things. 58 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,000 What do you want? Turn the radio off. I'll tell you. 59 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:48,320 Now, uh, would you care to blow up some balloons? Not much. 60 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,680 You know, in aid of your mother's birthday party. 61 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,480 Yes, yes, my mother's birthday. 62 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,680 Which you've managed to weaponize. 63 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:57,760 Weaponize? 64 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,920 You've always got to do more than everyone else, haven't you? 65 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,760 More cards, more chocolates, more... oh, more bombs, more rockets. 66 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,600 More balloons. More flowers. 67 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,160 Yes, I just gave Edith another bunch. 68 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,280 Of course you did. 69 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:17,320 I've been thinking, Roger, and I think I've hit on the perfect 70 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,680 birthday gift for you to... to give your mother. 71 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,880 You know, it will outrank any of the others. 72 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,320 Go back to your wife. 73 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,520 Look, you don't realise it yet, Roger, 74 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,040 but you'll never find another Wendy. 75 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,040 Well, I won't be looking very hard, will I? 76 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:42,760 Look, look at it from Edith's point of view. You know? 77 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:47,600 Having a grown-up son that she's already brought up once 78 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,720 turn up again for a second go. 79 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,360 It's a bit dispiriting, isn't it? 80 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,360 Mmm, yes, I think I can tell that you're not on my side. 81 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,840 No, I am, I am, I mean, you are after all, Edith's son. 82 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,320 Go back to Wendy. 83 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,360 Never. 84 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,720 Never. 85 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,000 Never. 86 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,160 Think of all the shared memories, though. 87 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,440 Yes, shared memories. 88 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,280 Like, like little bits of glass embedded in my brain. 89 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,520 Oh, come on. 90 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,320 Right from the start, and from our wedding day. 91 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,720 Oh, not the seating plan, no, no, please. 92 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:24,840 Not the seating plan. 93 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:25,960 She made a fool of me. 94 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,080 That's what women do, Roger. That's what they're for. 95 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,200 I would never... 96 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,800 not...not in a million years have put Steven Watt next to 97 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:38,520 Veronica Darwin, and you can see, it's kind of catastrophic. 98 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,640 I imagine they got over it by now. 99 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:41,920 Oh, do you think so? Yeah? 100 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,120 Steven took holy orders and Veronica's just come out of rehab. 101 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,960 My seating plan was very carefully thought out. 102 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,400 Then along comes Wendy and changes it to male, female, male, female, 103 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,400 male, female, like the chain-linked fence, 104 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,800 cos that's the proper way to do it. It's 20 years ago. Just forget it. 105 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:02,120 Well, the crucifixion was two thousand years ago 106 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,160 and people still remember that. 107 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,160 That's a good point. 108 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,360 Oh, well. 109 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:09,400 Worth a try. 110 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:14,840 That happen often? 111 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:16,880 Never. 112 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,480 My dad built this shed. 113 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,600 I've decided that I am going to move the nail bar 114 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,800 and the salon under the same roof. 115 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,240 Then I can properly focus on the health food shop. 116 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,560 Well, that sounds sensible. 117 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,360 But there is a problem. 118 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,120 Right now, I just don't have the capital. 119 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,320 Ah. 120 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,560 I think you know what's coming next. 121 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:40,800 Go on. 122 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,840 If you sold this place, which must be worth a fortune now, 123 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:50,120 and moved in with me, it would solve all our problems at a stroke. 124 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,160 Oh. Yeah, you wouldn't be stuck with Roger. 125 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,160 I'd be there to take care of you. 126 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,360 You'd have a room of your own. 127 00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:00,680 A big one at the front, and cash in your hand. 128 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,400 Yes, well... 129 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,600 And I would give you a proper contract. 130 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,640 I'd pay you back inside of three years, no sweat. 131 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,200 Yes, but what about Phil? 132 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,840 Phil? 133 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,800 We're thinking of getting married. 134 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,640 Wow. 135 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,240 Really? 136 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:19,760 Phil. 137 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,320 You sure that's a good idea? 138 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,040 Quite sure. 139 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:29,600 Oh. Oh, Mum, well... Oh, that's great. 140 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:30,960 Fantastic. 141 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,320 Oh, to be honest, I could see it coming. 142 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,640 Well, it's still a bit up in the air. 143 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,000 What about his floozy? 144 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,360 Oh, that was years ago and she wasn't a floozy. 145 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,680 Whatever that is. 146 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:47,360 No, she was just a very unhappy girl with problems. 147 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,680 You're trying to put me off him? 148 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,200 Absolutely not. 149 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,560 But she was stalking him, wasn't she? 150 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,280 Well, she did follow him around for a bit, yes. 151 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,360 What a hoot. 152 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,320 Hey, you're talking about my future husband. 153 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,080 You've got to admit that's funny. 154 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,560 Well, it is a bit, yes. 155 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,440 You're not thinking of moving in with Phil and letting Roger stay here, are you? 156 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:17,040 Well, nothing's been settled. 157 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:20,080 Oh, he is such a slime. 158 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,560 That's why he's come here. Can't you see? 159 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:26,800 He just wants to keep an eye on the place and safeguard his inheritance. 160 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:30,520 He didn't know about Phil and me until he came back. 161 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,880 No? He's not as dim as he looks, you know? 162 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:37,120 Well, nobody could be that dim. 163 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,480 If you and Phil sell, 164 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:43,040 then you're going to want somewhere to invest that money, aren't you? 165 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,480 Well, we haven't thought that far ahead. 166 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:46,640 I'll talk to Phil. 167 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,040 No, if anyone's going to talk to Phil, it will be me. 168 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,640 Oh, Mum, would you? 169 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,280 Oh! 170 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,240 I don't need a huge amount. 171 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,800 Around 50k would do it. 172 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:18,160 The thing is, Roger, your mother's got her own life to lead. 173 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:24,560 And I'm going to help her do that with my terrific birthday present. 174 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,040 I'm not going to tell you what it is. 175 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,720 I don't wish to know. 176 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,840 You're burning with curiosity. 177 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:31,880 No, I'm not. 178 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,280 I've tracked down Mrs Gale. 179 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:39,240 Mrs...Gale? 180 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,240 She used to help Mum years ago. 181 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,240 You mean when you were little? Yeah, she bought me my first Beano. 182 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,040 Ah, clearly a remarkable woman. 183 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:51,000 Yeah, she's agreed to come and help Mum around the house. 184 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,280 You won't be able to top this. 185 00:09:55,320 --> 00:10:00,640 Roger, you do know that your mother is going to sell the house. 186 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,440 Sell it? Yeah. 187 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,520 I want to sell mine too, you see? 188 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,320 And then we'll buy something somewhere together. 189 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:11,160 I've actually been looking at property prices in, er, in Gozo. 190 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,400 Gozo? 191 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,480 Sell the house? 192 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,640 No, I wouldn't want that. 193 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,160 No, I wouldn't want that at all. 194 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,160 Strangers living here. 195 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,200 Strangers? Yeah. Strangers. No, not that. 196 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,800 But they wouldn't be strangers. Would they, Roger? 197 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,560 Not if they own the house. And you wouldn't be here. 198 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,680 No, well, I'd refuse to move out. 199 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:39,920 And eventually when I die, I'd haunt them. 200 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,800 I wouldn't give them a moment's peace. 201 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,800 Roger, are you on any kind of medication? 202 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,800 Just get out the way. What? 203 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,240 Ah! 204 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,640 Sturdy stuff! 205 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:01,640 You're just an old fart who's frightened of getting old and dying alone. 206 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,640 Spot on! 207 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,080 You're not completely without empathy, are you, Roger? 208 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,520 What about Desiree? What? 209 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,040 You know, that floozy who was stalking you? 210 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:17,960 Oh, she wasn't a floozy. 211 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,240 I mean, she looked like one, 212 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,560 but that was years ago and she wasn't stalking me. 213 00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:23,880 She was just following me. Yeah, why? 214 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,200 She wanted to know the time and she thought I was a policeman. 215 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,600 Oh. 216 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,680 I saw her the other day. 217 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:37,320 Oh, very unlikely. She moved to Warrington or Walsall. 218 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,160 Are you sure? Absolutely. 219 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,400 Yeah, she was driving one of those Hotfoot delivery vans. 220 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,240 Don't be ridiculous. 221 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,240 Good god. Where was this? 222 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,360 Oh, she was just pulling out of the petrol station. 223 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,720 It was last Wednesday. 224 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,040 I don't believe this. She's on your tail. 225 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,640 No, no, no. No, no. 226 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:04,400 Oh, well, um, if I were to order something, then she might 227 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,160 deliver it and then you'd know for certain one way or the other. 228 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,600 Wouldn't you? 229 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:12,120 Do you really want to spoil your mother's happiness 230 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:16,480 by blackmailing me into persuading her not to sell the house? 231 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,840 Cos that's what this is about, isn't it? 232 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,400 Well, you see, I see it more as saving her 233 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,600 from a bleak exile with you in Bozo. 234 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,600 Then you'd do better to think about my original offer. 235 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:30,040 What was that? Go back to Wendy. 236 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,640 Oh, that was an offer. 237 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,160 My last and best offer. 238 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,360 Just get out of the way. We'll do it again. 239 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:40,960 Go on. 240 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,880 After you. 241 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:44,600 Oh, you know that photo of Desiree at the petrol station. 242 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,640 Would you like a copy? 243 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,400 DOG GROWLS Please! 244 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,280 He saw you behaving suspiciously. 245 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,760 Did he now? Lurking like that. 246 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,920 Would he like to see my passport? 247 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,040 Is he going to insist on an explanation or would 248 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,960 he just like to escort me to wherever it is dogs take people 249 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,720 when they go to interrogate them. 250 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:44,040 He's a clever dog and you were behaving oddly. 251 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,080 Oddly. Oddly for some people. Normal, I suppose, for you. 252 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,800 If he's such a clever dog, why didn't you realise that? 253 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,200 I mean, we've known each other for years. 254 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,280 He's been leaving deposits at my gate as long as I can remember. 255 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,400 I mean, we're virtually old pals. 256 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,800 He takes things on a case by case basis. 257 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,640 Well, for his information, 258 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:06,080 I was doing a bit of neighbourhood watching. 259 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,360 Oh, were you? Very public spirited of you. 260 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,200 Well, there'd been reports of strange behaviour from the 261 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:16,080 couriers that work for Hotfoot and I thought I'd just check it out. 262 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,000 What sort of strange behaviour? 263 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,200 Well, it's hard to be specific, quite honestly, 264 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,600 but it's the sort of thing you develop an instinct for. 265 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,800 Do you? 266 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,560 I'm surprised your dog didn't pick that up. 267 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,080 Very puzzling. 268 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,800 Mmm, well, maybe he's right. 269 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,720 Maybe these are just rumours, you know, baseless rumours. 270 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:40,000 Yes, well, there are a lot of those around here, too. 271 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,600 Well, must be going. 272 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,520 Something in the oven. 273 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:46,560 Ah. 274 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,560 That's what it is. 275 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,200 Sandra was here? Yes. 276 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,800 What for? 277 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,480 To wish me happy birthday. She'll be back later. 278 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,320 She's after money, isn't she? 279 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:11,440 Well, she did mention needing capital to expand her business, yes. 280 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,120 Didn't I say? A loan. 281 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,440 Oh, Mum, you're such a pushover. 282 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,360 I daresay, but I don't want to discuss this now. 283 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,600 Mum. Yes. 284 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,840 Phil says you want to sell the house. 285 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,120 I have been thinking about it, yes. 286 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,680 Do you have to? 287 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:33,960 Well, it is a bit on the big side and there seem to be more and more stairs every year. 288 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,400 And when Phil and I get married... And when will that be? 289 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,120 Um, spring of next year. 290 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,000 Maybe. And then you'll go to Bozo? 291 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,040 Bozo? 292 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,800 I was born in this house. Yes. 293 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,680 I wouldn't like you to sell it. 294 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:52,240 I might have to. Yeah, I wouldn't like strangers living here. 295 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,360 I love this house. 296 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,800 Sandra, she just cares about the money. 297 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,800 Roger, you and Sandra used to get on so well together. 298 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,920 Yes, because I used to be a pushover, too. 299 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,240 What does that mean? 300 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,160 She used to trick me out of my pocket money. 301 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,520 I'm sure that's not true. It is true. 302 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,440 She'd insist on playing shop 303 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:13,160 and then buy all my jelly beans with a few rusty washers. 304 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,680 You never said anything. 305 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,080 It's cos she threatened me. 306 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,960 She said, "Don't tell Mum or I'll duff you up." Roger... 307 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,760 I only stopped when I got bigger and cynical. 308 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,720 Roger, stop it. And now she's bullying you into selling the house. 309 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,120 That's not how it is at all. Yeah, Phil. 310 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,480 Phil and Sandra. 311 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,920 Yeah, they've hooked up on this. 312 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,800 Yeah, Sandra wants the money and Phil wants to see the back of me. 313 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,480 Well, I think I've spiked his guns. 314 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:35,880 What does that mean? 315 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,080 I'll be devastated if you sell up. 316 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:44,040 When and if, IF, I sell the house, 317 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,640 I shall settle the money equally on you and on Sandra. 318 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:53,520 And that way, you can buy a flat or you might even go back to Wendy. 319 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,760 Never. Oh, dear. 320 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,840 Sorry, I don't want to upset you, Mum. 321 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,720 Not on your birthday. 322 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,400 Not now. Not ever. 323 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,880 Mum, you do know that I love you, Mum, don't you? 324 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,480 Of course I do. 325 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,840 I love you too. 326 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:17,680 Mum, do you remember Mrs Gale? 327 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,440 Queenie? Well, of course I do. Why? 328 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,280 She's your surprise birthday present. 329 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,640 What do you mean? 330 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,720 Well, I know I'm extra trouble so I've asked her to come and help. 331 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,800 Just once a week. I'm paying her. 332 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,760 What?! It's great isn't it? You liked Queenie, didn't you? 333 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,680 But in small doses. 334 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,680 To be quite honest, she wasn't always easy. 335 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,520 Actually, some of the time, she could be a liability. 336 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,160 But you are pulling my leg, though, aren't you? 337 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,520 No. 338 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,360 Roger. It's out of the question. 339 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:57,240 But, but, but I've asked her. She's coming. Well, she can't! I couldn't cope. 340 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,760 I mean it. Roger, you've got to stop her. 341 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,160 Yeah, I'll go... I'll tell her. 342 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:02,320 Please do! 343 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:04,240 Yeah, I'm sorry. 344 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,920 I know you meant well. 345 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,600 Edith. Mmm? 346 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,120 I've been thinking. Tell me. 347 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,960 Well, I'm... 348 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,160 I'm coming round to... to Roger's point of view. 349 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,840 What's that? 350 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,480 Well, that you shouldn't sell the house yet. 351 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,480 Really? Wha... What's made you change your mind? 352 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,280 Well, you don't need the money. 353 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,320 I've got quite enough for the two of us, right? 354 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,640 And if you do sell the house, then Roger will follow us. 355 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,760 I mean, he's perfectly capable of following us to 356 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,240 the ends of the Earth, whereas if you don't sell the house, 357 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,960 he'll almost certainly live here. 358 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:10,320 Right? So, there's no real point in selling the house yet, is there? 359 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,120 Sandra wouldn't be pleased. 360 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:14,880 I think Sandra's perfectly able to look after herself. 361 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,440 I mean, it might not be for long. 362 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:20,200 After all, I mean, Roger... Well, you know, he might get better. 363 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,640 Do you think so? Do you really think so? 364 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,720 Well, stranger things have happened. 365 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,120 I heard all that. 366 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:29,640 I was standing outside the door. 367 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,360 Oh, Roger, for heaven's sake. 368 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,120 I think it's a good idea. 369 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,440 Nothing's been settled. 370 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,760 And you know why Phil suggested it, don't you? 371 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,960 Because when all's said and done, he's a decent bloke. 372 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,840 That's why. 373 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,720 Aren't you, Phil? A decent bloke. 374 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:58,200 We had a long chat about it and Phil is 100% on my side. 375 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:03,480 Aren't you, Phil? Which is very decent, all things said and done. 376 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:07,000 DOORBELL CHIMES 377 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,120 Oh, I wonder who that can be. 378 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,440 Ah! A delivery van. 379 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:20,120 Yes, a Hotfoot delivery van. 380 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,680 Maybe a nice surprise for Phil. 381 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,200 Phil, what's up? 382 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,520 Hmm? 383 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,640 Hello! 384 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,080 Mrs G! 385 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,600 Didn't you get my message? 386 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,600 Oh Roger, you haven't changed a bit. 387 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,800 Edith, you remember years ago, 388 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,840 that mad woman that I had some trouble with... 389 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,200 Deidre or... Desiree. 390 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:57,240 Something like that. Anyway, there are rumours that there've been sightings of her. 391 00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,080 I just wanted to tell you that I have had absolutely nothing 392 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,280 to do with the... with the fact that she... 393 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,600 SHE WHISPERS: Oh, my God! Mrs Gale! Nothing to do with... 394 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,160 Ooh, it's nice in here, now.> Mrs Gale? 395 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:12,760 Oh, yes, she's your surprise birthday present. 396 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,080 Roger was supposed to stop her! 397 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:20,120 Hello! Queenie! What a lovely surprise. 398 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:21,800 Hello, Edith. 399 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,240 Happy birthday. 400 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,680 Oh, oh, thank you. 401 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,640 Oh, they're lovely. Oh, you shouldn't have. 402 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,960 Blimey, it's a bit like a mausoleum in here, isn't it? 403 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,360 Queenie, this is Phil. 404 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:35,800 Oh, pleased to meet you. 405 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,200 Aren't you the Phil that was connected with that... 406 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,280 Distinguished campervan company. Yes. Yes. 407 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,400 Queenie used to help me with the housework 40 years ago. 408 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,640 Yeah, those were the days. Good times. 409 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:48,800 Happy times. 410 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,080 So, when Roger got in touch, I was as pleased as punch. 411 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,200 Yes, you see, I didn't know that Roger... 412 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,480 I know. 413 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,280 I'm the big birthday surprise. 414 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,880 Well, he said he was back home causing trouble 415 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,680 and you needed help looking after him. 416 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,280 Er... Yeah. 417 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:04,520 I know, Roger. 418 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,040 You scallywag. 419 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,760 You're back home. Your mum needs reinforcements. 420 00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:12,720 Queenie, I'm terribly sorry, and I don't quite know how to put this. 421 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,600 Oh, you're not going to tell me I'm too old. 422 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,600 No, you're not going to tell me I'm too old. 423 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,280 No, of course not, no. It's just... 424 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,000 And by the way, I don't want paying. 425 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,120 I don't need the money. No, I'll do it for love. 426 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:26,480 And for all those precious memories. 427 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,760 Queenie. I'm paying. Roger... 428 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,760 I am, I've sold the car. It's a done deal. 429 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,680 And how long would that last? 430 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:36,600 You'll be down the tuck shop squandering it on gobstoppers 431 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,120 and liquorice laces. 432 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,160 That's very astute of you, Mrs Gale. 433 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,360 Oh, no, Queenie. Call me Queenie. 434 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,440 And so, you've been, you've been away? 435 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:51,080 Yes, I've been to Tasmania, Canada, Holland. 436 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,960 All with different husbands. All dead. 437 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:57,600 Nobody will marry me now because they think I've got the evil eye. 438 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:03,240 Mrs Gale! How amazing is that! 439 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,680 Oh, you've not forgotten me, then. 440 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,480 Uh, not a chance. 441 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,000 No, I wouldn't forget you either, Sandra. 442 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,320 Queenie's my birthday present from Roger. 443 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,120 I'm the big birthday present. 444 00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:15,520 - I'll coming to give her a hand. - Really? 445 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,440 Well, with Roger back home, she needs all the help she can get. 446 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,240 Yeah, well, she certainly does, but not for long, we hope. 447 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,600 How's that? Mum has plans. 448 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,880 Well, if you're referring to the selling of the house, 449 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,680 then things have changed. Oh? 450 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,920 Please, can we not talk about this now? 451 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,120 Roger wasn't the only troublemaker then, was he? 452 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:39,200 Do you remember when you took your clothes off in front of the vicar? 453 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,160 - No. - How old were you? 454 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,960 19. She was four. 455 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,720 And the reverend Bruce and his wife were both very amused. 456 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,320 Really? What has changed? 457 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:53,160 Oh, Phil thinks that selling the house is a bad idea. 458 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:54,600 Uh, later, later. 459 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,960 Coo-eee! 460 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,680 Who invited her? Happy birthday, Edith. 461 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,320 I did. You absolute swine. 462 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:04,480 Wendy. How lovely. 463 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,960 I wanted to bring you a birthday cake. 464 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,600 Oh, that's so kind of you. Thank you. 465 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,200 It's just a bought cake, I'm afraid. 466 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:15,360 I would have made one but I didn't have all the ingredients as I... 467 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,800 ..as I... 468 00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:22,200 ..as I couldn't get to the shop. Sorry. 469 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,080 Wendy! Wendy! SHE SOBS 470 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,560 Is that the wife? Was the wife. 471 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,800 Wendy! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. 472 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,120 Wendy, it's all right. 473 00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:32,880 It's all right, calm down. 474 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,920 Birthdays can be very emotional occasions. 475 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,360 They're usually very happy occasions unless someone can't 476 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:40,760 stand not being the centre of attention for five minutes. 477 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,040 Roger, shut up! Oh, Wendy. 478 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:45,640 What is it? What's the matter? 479 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,320 He's... he's sold the car. 480 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,960 He sold my CARRRR! 481 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:55,360 I saw this coming. It's rather nice being right. 482 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,240 It wasn't your car! 483 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,800 It was more than half my car! Much more! 484 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,320 I'm the one who used it! 485 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,480 I've got to have a car, Roger. 486 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,800 I've got to go to work. I've got to pick the children up. 487 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,320 I use it all the time. You had no right to sell it. 488 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,160 He's ruined my life again. 489 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,440 I'm so sorry. I am so so sorry, Edith. 490 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,240 I promised myself I wouldn't say anything. 491 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,040 I'd just drop the cake in and say happy birthday and give you 492 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:22,120 a hug and go, and if I'd had the car, it would have been home-made. 493 00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:25,400 How did you buy the cake? What? Online! I had it delivered! 494 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,680 Well, then you could have bought the ingredients in the same way. 495 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,720 And then you could have made your home-made cake. Roger! Shut up! 496 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,800 You're trying to stop Mum selling the house. 497 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,640 Oh, yeah, yeah, and why do you want her to sell it, eh? Mm? 498 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,480 The money. That's all you've ever cared about, isn't it? Money. 499 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,080 I create things. What do you do? 500 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,320 Not a lot! Yeah, look, usual support from my ever-loyal wife. 501 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,040 You're getting the support that you deserve. 502 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,400 Why are you stopping your mum from selling? 503 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,520 Strangers. Strangers. 504 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,600 I don't want strangers here. Strangers. 505 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,360 What are you talking about? 506 00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,400 I need the car. Well, boo-hoo. 507 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,280 Too late. Get yourself another one. 508 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:05,640 Roger! Just listen to yourself. Will you stop this now? 509 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,400 He can't! Because he is incapable of not saying the first stupid 510 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,560 rubbishy thing that comes into his head! 511 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,920 I know! I know! 512 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,400 Every time! Every time! 513 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,440 Come on. Let's go. 514 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,360 Go where? The Crown. Come on. 515 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:21,120 But it's... it's your birthday. 516 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:24,160 Yes, exactly. Oh, go, go, I'm enjoying this. 517 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,880 I'm sorry, Phil. I know you've made a big effort. 518 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,000 No, no, no. You're absolutely right. 519 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,600 I mean, this is hell. 520 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,680 OK. Go. 521 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,040 Get a bit of peace and quiet. 522 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,520 Oh, and I'm taking pics so you won't miss anything. 523 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,920 They're going and it's all your fault, Wendy. 524 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,480 Roger. You despicable apology of a human being. 525 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,800 Ah! This is a Valentino! 526 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,080 Oh, we're off to a good start. 527 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,640 This was meant for you. 528 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,080 You horrible, horrible little cockroach. Yes! 529 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:04,480 You see, Mum? I told you Sandra always hated me. 530 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,920 Bloody right! WENDY: She's not the only one! I've had it with you, Roger! 531 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,920 So, the Crown has...beef stroganoff on Tuesdays, does it? 532 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,560 Yes, I know. Yum, yum.