1
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:15,819
Brad! Come on, let's go! Hurry up!
2
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:19,550
Hey, quiet down. Your mom's up
there trying to write that speech.
3
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:23,651
She's been working on that speech for
two weeks. When is she gonna finish?
4
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:26,890
Maybe never if she doesn't get
some peace and quiet.
5
00:01:26,953 --> 00:01:29,092
- Quiet.
- OK, OK.
6
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:30,998
Brad!
7
00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:34,038
Shh, quiet. What are you doing?
8
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,665
We're going to the park
to play Blade Warriors.
9
00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:39,505
Blade Warriors?
I don't like the sound of that.
10
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,546
I've got the net. Let's go.
11
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:46,050
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait here.
12
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,814
- What's the net for?
- Nothing.
13
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:53,324
These are not "nothing" faces.
14
00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:57,327
This would be a "nothing" face.
15
00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:59,829
- Yeah.
- No, no. Come here, come here.
16
00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:01,888
You guys wouldn't be going to the park
17
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:05,767
and snagging kids in this net, would you?
18
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:07,827
- Good idea, Dad.
- Yeah.
19
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,340
Bad idea. The net stays here.
20
00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:14,139
Brad, I buy safety equipment,
I intend for you to use it, all right?
21
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,680
Is that cologne you're wearing?
22
00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:19,649
This is the stuff
you bought at the car wash.
23
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,312
That's air freshener.
24
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:26,619
That came with some mud flaps.
You smell like a piña colada.
25
00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:29,091
He's wearing it for Jennifer Sadarski.
26
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,322
- That's it.
- Whoa!
27
00:02:31,384 --> 00:02:33,489
Take care of your brother.
28
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:36,557
Jill, I thought you were working
on that library speech.
29
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,830
Well, I came down
to get something to eat,
30
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,429
and I noticed
the refrigerator light was out.
31
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:42,802
So?
32
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:46,901
So I think it's very important
to have a nice, bright refrigerator light.
33
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:51,779
- Jill, you're procrastinating again.
- I am not procrastinating.
34
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:55,149
Ew. Look at this refrigerator.
It's filthy. I have to clean this now.
35
00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:58,316
Jill, why did you agree
to give this speech?
36
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:01,188
- I want to give this speech.
- Why aren't you working on it?
37
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:04,353
Because I had to replace
the refrigerator light.
38
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:08,126
Jill, this is an honor.
Who was it that raised
39
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,828
- more than $4000 for the new...
- 7000.
40
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:13,803
$7000 for the new computer system
for the library?
41
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,862
- I did.
- Who got all the volunteers
42
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,671
to collect money,
including a hundred bucks out of me?
43
00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:20,938
- I did.
- Who's perfect for the speech?
44
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,776
Somebody else.
45
00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:26,112
Jill, it's just a two-minute speech.
46
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:29,779
Yeah, but it's to 250 people.
47
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:33,289
You're making a lot more out of this
than it really is.
48
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:35,883
That's easy for you to say.
You do this for a living.
49
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:41,831
It doesn't bother you, you know? You
love attention and you have a big mouth.
50
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:45,358
Look, you don't have to do
anything the rest of the day
51
00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,905
except breathe and write that speech.
52
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,942
I'll keep the boys out of your hair.
I'll handle everything.
53
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:53,409
Just try to go upstairs
and finish the speech.
54
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,380
- Thank you, sweetie.
- Got it.
55
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,245
But first I'm gonna clean the house.
56
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:01,683
No. You're not getting off the hook.
Go upstairs, write the speech.
57
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,984
Stop procrastinating.
I will clean this house, top to bottom.
58
00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:09,618
Do you promise that you won't
rewire or blow up anything?
59
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:14,097
- Why are you so mean to me?
- Do you really think I can do this thing?
60
00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:16,895
Yes, of course.
You can do anything you want, Jill.
61
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:20,165
Nobody thought you could
land me as a husband and...
62
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:25,398
Well, that's certainly inspirational.
63
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:34,082
We've cut all our side panels,
64
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:37,417
and I've just finished drilling
the holes for our dowel joints.
65
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:41,015
If I were to put a hinge right here,
AI, we'd have a pretty swinging joint.
66
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:48,095
- Take it, Al.
- I don't think so, Tim.
67
00:04:48,154 --> 00:04:50,430
Anyway, next time,
Al and I will show you
68
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,868
how to complete the entire bookcase.
69
00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:56,873
And that brings us to the Tool Time
tip of the day - housecleaning.
70
00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:02,646
Oh, I can hear the guys
out there going, "Uuh?"
71
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:05,444
"Get the wife in here, Tim,
so she can hear this."
72
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:09,385
No, no, no, men.
Housekeeping, housecleaning,
73
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:13,754
house-taking-care-of is like
shop maintenance. It's for men, too.
74
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:17,693
Men, it's the 90s. We should share in
the housecleaning responsibilities, right?
75
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:21,591
I didn't hear anything.
76
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:26,296
You know, I'm judging
from the lack of enthusiasm
77
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:29,306
that you men are disinterested,
and maybe it's because
78
00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:33,003
they do not design housecleaning
equipment with men in mind.
79
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:36,878
- If they did, it would have what?
- More power!
80
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:41,112
You're darn right, more power.
And maybe a little style, too.
81
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,211
How can they expect us to clean a house
82
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,813
with housecleaning equipment
not designed for us?
83
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:50,293
Oh, the Daisy Soft Sweep Decor Series
in harvest gold.
84
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,126
The vacuum cleaner from hell.
What is this all about?
85
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:57,362
I want a man's vacuum cleaner.
How about an Indianapolis 500 version?
86
00:05:57,423 --> 00:06:00,927
All burnished chrome, matte black,
analog gauges, turbo boost in there...
87
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,272
More power to suck
the throat out of a parrot.
88
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:12,214
Whew. Maybe I stepped over the line
just a little bit just then,
89
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:15,411
but I think you get my point.
There's nothing wrong
90
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,386
with a man doing housework.
91
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,889
I mean, AI does a lot
of the cleaning around here.
92
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:24,292
- I do all the cleaning, Tim.
- Yeah, right, Al.
93
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:27,092
- I could use some help.
- We all could, AI.
94
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,735
I'm Tim Taylor.
I want to give a little tip here.
95
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,965
Half the dirt in the world is men's.
96
00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:37,234
Let's clean it up.
See you next time.
97
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:45,015
Come on, Dad.
We want to go back to the park.
98
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,711
I told Bob and Stinky that we'd be back.
99
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:58,229
Well, Bob and Stinky
are just gonna have to wait...
100
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:01,060
'cause we're gonna clean
this house up for your ma.
101
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,157
We do that to support our woman.
102
00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,600
- I don't have a woman.
- Well...
103
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:09,333
maybe Stinky could set you up with one.
104
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:11,068
I have a woman - Mommy.
105
00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:13,701
Your mommy can't be your woman, doofus.
106
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:17,145
A lot of men pay a psychiatrist
a lot of money to figure that one out.
107
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:25,017
We are gonna clean
the house the power way.
108
00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:26,818
Cleaning the house is a girl's job.
109
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:29,587
Hey, hey, hey.
We are enlightened men,
110
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:32,357
and enlightened men share
household responsibilities.
111
00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:36,889
- What's "enlightened"?
- It means "scared of Mom."
112
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:41,070
Cleaning the house can be a lot of fun.
This is Dodge City at high noon.
113
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:44,074
It's very dirty in here.
Quick, get to the windows, boys!
114
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,337
Cover us! Come on! Hyah, hyah.
115
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,470
All right, holster those weapons.
116
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:51,344
On three, give me that quick draw.
One, two, three, clean.
117
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:54,578
Hvah, hyah, hyah, hyah.
118
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,416
What about me, Dad?
What do I get to do?
119
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:01,516
You've got the most important job.
You're Sheriff Wyatt Dirt.
120
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:05,060
You've got to wipe out
the Dust Bunny Gang.
121
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:07,427
- What?
- Here, hold that.
122
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:11,895
All loaded.
123
00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:15,369
Saddle up, boy.
124
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,873
Hvah, hyah!
125
00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:23,379
All right! Hi, hon.
126
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:27,213
You are obviously just playing around.
You're not cleaning the house.
127
00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:33,750
Wait a minute. I see some outlaw dust
villains on the coffee table. Go at it.
128
00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:37,454
Guys, make sure you get
the outside of the doors.
129
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,020
I thought you were upstairs
writing that speech.
130
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:43,124
- Well, may I please get a soda?
- Certainly.
131
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,170
- Ooh, yeah.
- What is that smell?
132
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:49,365
Their favorite lunch -
beanie-weenie casserole.
133
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:53,501
Touch of Spam in there, beef jerky,
and potato chip dressing on top.
134
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:56,638
- What do you think?
- I'll pass.
135
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:01,147
- How you doing?
- Oh, I'm fine. Just taking a little break.
136
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,448
- Can I see it?
- It's not very good.
137
00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:06,956
- Let me see it. Maybe I can help.
- I don't feel like it. You can't make me.
138
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:10,290
Let me ask you this. Have you gotten
past the point where you say,
139
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,556
"Good afternoon.
It's a pleasure to be here today"?
140
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:15,030
Can I use that?
141
00:09:15,087 --> 00:09:17,294
You haven't written your first line yet?
142
00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:19,495
Yes, but yours is better.
143
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,300
What have you been doing up there?
144
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,806
I feel self-conscious
getting up in front of a group.
145
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:26,969
- You don't like the way you look?
- What's wrong with the way I look?
146
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:29,013
Nothing. That was just a question.
147
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,548
Why was that the first question you asked?
148
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:33,311
Here's another first question.
149
00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:36,046
Are you so attractive and thin
you're afraid to go up?
150
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:39,783
So, what, you're saying I'm fat and ugly?
151
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:47,155
I'm not gonna win at this, am I?
152
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:51,292
It's not looking good.
OK, look. Give me that first line again.
153
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:54,634
- "Good afternoon..."
- "lt's a pleasure to be here today."
154
00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:58,506
"lt's a pleasure to be here today."
155
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:00,976
Wait, I think I've got
the last line for you.
156
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:04,310
"Thank you very much.
It's been a pleasure being here today."
157
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:12,151
"Good afternoon.
It's a pleasure to be here today."
158
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:14,782
No, it's not.
159
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:17,054
I think I'll just take a nap.
160
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:20,063
Who is it?
161
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,362
- It's me, Mom.
- Oh, come in, Randy.
162
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:27,337
I just wanted to see how you were doing.
163
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:31,000
Come give me a hug.
164
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:34,203
Mmm, I'm much better now.
165
00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:37,770
I've got a great joke for you. You can
use it in your speech, if you want.
166
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,578
Oh, OK. Shoot.
167
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:46,289
OK, I got it.
168
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:49,622
If a snake married an undertaker,
169
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,719
what would their towels say?
170
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:56,358
A snake and an undertaker.
I don't know. What?
171
00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:58,766
"Hiss" and "hearse."
172
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,962
That's good. That's really good.
173
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,305
Maybe I could work it into my speech.
174
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:07,844
Randy!
175
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,902
What are you doing in here?
176
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,142
You're supposed to be
helping me finish dusting.
177
00:11:12,204 --> 00:11:16,914
I'm just up here telling Mom a joke.
I'm being a good son.
178
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,388
Bull. You're just trying
to stay out of work.
179
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:23,393
- Am not.
- Are tun.
180
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:28,160
That was pretty good, Mom.
181
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:32,532
I'm not gonna finish this
unless you stop interrupting me.
182
00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:35,197
- I was just trying to help.
- Kissing up, huh?
183
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,672
- Am not.
- Are too.
184
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:38,868
Enough! Enough.
185
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:41,605
How's your dad doing
with all that housecleaning?
186
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:44,739
- OK.
- Yeah, OK.
187
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:47,546
I don't like the looks of that look.
What's going on?
188
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:51,577
- Uh... nothing.
- Dad's not doing anything.
189
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,420
What exactly is Dad not doing?
190
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,824
He's not rewiring the vacuum.
191
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,486
- No, Mom...
- Mom!
192
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,896
- Tim!
- Finish your speech?
193
00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:04,833
- Where is it?
- Hmm?
194
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,892
Ahh.
195
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:11,108
You know where it is.
Same place it's always been.
196
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:21,350
I'm serious.
Where is the vacuum cleaner?
197
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:25,822
Oh, you mean the Daisy Soft Sweep
Decor Model in burnt almond?
198
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:28,552
- That's the one.
- I think you're gonna like what we did.
199
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:30,890
Mark, plug her in.
200
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,263
Well, that doesn't look too bad.
201
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:44,775
On the outside, it maintains
that feminine allure.
202
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:48,277
On the inside, I've doubled
its chromosome count.
203
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:52,146
- Did you rewire it?
- I tweaked it.
204
00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:55,515
Well, it sounds the same.
205
00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:59,784
That's because it's in the "whisper"
mode, for light cleaning.
206
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:02,382
If you want to get the deep-down dirt,
207
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:07,193
we turn to the new "power suck" mode.
208
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,568
I thought you guys
were staying at the park.
209
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,169
Jennifer left,
so Brad didn't want to stay.
210
00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:25,078
I guess the car air freshener
wasn't a big hit, huh?
211
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:28,084
She said I smelled like her dog
after he had a shampoo.
212
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:31,610
Brad. Brad. Come here.
213
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:33,554
Come here.
Tell me what happened.
214
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:35,888
- I think she likes me.
- How do you know?
215
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:39,225
She hit me in the arm, twice.
216
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:40,855
- Hard?
- Yeah!
217
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,366
- You're in, dude.
- Dude.
218
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:47,735
- Hey, Wilson.
- Hmm.
219
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:51,070
- What are you doing?
- Just carving out a canoe, Tim.
220
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:01,445
- Sounds hard.
- Not really, Tim.
221
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:05,717
You just take a big block of wood and
chip away everything that's not a canoe.
222
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:11,454
Say, Wilson, are you afraid
of speaking in public?
223
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,555
To be honest with you, Tim,
I don't go out in public.
224
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:21,367
Jill's got to give a speech today
and she's really concerned about it.
225
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:25,273
- Perfectly natural.
- It's not natural. I like speaking in public.
226
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,244
I talk all the time. I get in
conversations with people I don't know.
227
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,678
- I mean, I'll talk and talk. Sometimes I...
- Tim.
228
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:32,807
- What?
- I get the point.
229
00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:37,183
I want to help her. I wonder what she's
so concerned about speaking in public.
230
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:40,520
She's probably just afraid
of appearing foolish in public.
231
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:43,788
- I believe Samuel Clemens said...
- Samuel Clemens?
232
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:45,829
You'd know him better as Mark Twain,
233
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:49,025
but that was just a pseudonym,
a sobriquet.
234
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:53,400
Of course - a pseudonym, a sobriquet.
235
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:56,167
Spell one of those. Pick one. Just...
236
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,640
- Let's just say pen name, Tim.
- OK.
237
00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:00,608
Anyway, he said,
238
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,545
"Better to have people think you're a fool,
239
00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:07,448
than to open your mouth
and remove all doubt."
240
00:15:12,611 --> 00:15:15,148
My, my, my, my.
241
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:18,195
What do you think about that, Tim?
242
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,457
Tim?
243
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:26,902
B-L-A before B-L-U.
244
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,599
Blue, blue... Brown. B-R...
245
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,666
That's easy. Brown, brown...
246
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:35,041
- Hi. I made you some tea.
- Hi.
247
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,410
- Oh, thank you.
- How's it going?
248
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:39,745
It's going great.
I'm just working on my speech.
249
00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:41,716
I can see that.
250
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,983
You know, Jill,
I think I've got the problem licked.
251
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:48,491
Best summed up by this wonderful quote -
252
00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:53,997
"lt is better not to open your mouth
and appear foolish,
253
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:57,057
than to open it and fool them."
254
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,438
Thank you, honey.
That's a big help.
255
00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:08,307
It's Mark Twain.
256
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:11,507
Tim, I just don't know anything
about giving a speech.
257
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:14,983
- I don't know what to do with my hands.
- Put them in your pockets.
258
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,611
What if I wear this dress?
It doesn't have any pockets.
259
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:21,988
Hey, nice-lookin'.
Well, put them down at your sides.
260
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:25,085
But don't itch at yourself like that.
Don't scratch.
261
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:29,223
- How's this?
- You look like a totem pole.
262
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:32,565
Loosen up.
Come on, loosen up. Do this.
263
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:38,534
- Do it.
- I don't think this is gonna help, Tim.
264
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:41,703
You're right, but it's fun
watching you do that.
265
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,145
Tim...
266
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:46,513
Don't think of the audience as a group.
267
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,950
When I first did Tool Time,
I was petrified,
268
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,750
so I tried to visualize it
as just one person.
269
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:55,622
The first time you did Tool Time
there was just one person.
270
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,683
That's not my point.
271
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,731
I tried to visualize that person
as being in their underwear.
272
00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:03,562
- He was in his underwear.
- He was not.
273
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:09,438
The speech isn't the problem.
What is going on here?
274
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:12,499
I'm gonna be standing up there
in front of 250 people.
275
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:16,341
That's 500 eyes watching me,
276
00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:19,679
500 ears listening to me.
277
00:17:19,738 --> 00:17:23,481
Ugh. That's 1000 organs.
No wonder you're nervous.
278
00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:29,281
You know, I am the only speaker,
and by standing up there,
279
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:33,387
it's like I'm saying that I'm
the most important person in the room.
280
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:37,332
- Well, you are.
- Well, I don't feel like it.
281
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:40,700
It's not like I'm the
president of anything.
282
00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:44,935
I don't run a corporation.
I'm not a celebrity.
283
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:47,876
I'm just your wife,
and Brad, Randy and Mark's mother.
284
00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:52,746
You're the chairperson of the
most successful money laundering...
285
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:58,084
- Fundraising!
- Fundraising drives in library history.
286
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:01,750
You're CEO of this family,
you're my career manager,
287
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,420
- and you're a life manager.
- Life manager?
288
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:08,158
- You manage to live your life with me.
- I should get an award for that.
289
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:10,461
You should get an award
for the money you made.
290
00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:12,058
Come in.
291
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:15,435
Here, Mommy.
I made you a milkshake.
292
00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:18,475
Oh, thank you, honey!
293
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:21,101
It looks like -
What did you put in that?
294
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,646
Peanut butter and jelly.
295
00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:27,114
Go ahead.
296
00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:38,460
Mmm! Mmm! Terrific... and thick.
297
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:42,192
- Have you finished your speech?
- Yeah.
298
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:45,394
- Can I hear it?
- She doesn't feel like it right now.
299
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:49,735
Come on, Mom. You always make me
show you my homework.
300
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,170
Well, you're right, I do.
301
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:57,009
- OK, OK. Fair is fair.
- You sure you feel like doing this?
302
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,675
Yeah. I'll just picture
you two in your underwear.
303
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:03,242
No, don't take off your pants.
It's just a technique.
304
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:09,490
- OK. Ahem. Are you ready?
- Yep.
305
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,989
"Good afternoon.
It's a pleasure to be here today."
306
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:16,589
- I wrote that.
- Very good.
307
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:21,536
OK, OK. "As you all know, the library
is the cornerstone of a good education."
308
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:24,870
"Books contain ideas
which can shape our planet,
309
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:28,036
and let's face it, right now our planet
is badly out of shape."
310
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,410
"Shape" and "out of shape."
I love it. It's good.
311
00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:34,212
Yeah? Well, it's easy in front of
you and Mark. I know you guys.
312
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:39,222
- Pretend we're the library association.
- No, most of them are women.
313
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:42,282
OK, we'll be women.
Mark, come over here for a minute.
314
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:46,625
- What?
- Here, these go with your hair.
315
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:50,189
Oh, and these are me.
316
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:52,496
- Look at that.
- Tim, what are you doing?
317
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:56,973
We are supporting our woman...
by being women.
318
00:19:57,596 --> 00:20:02,067
Mark, you don't do this
outside the house, OK?
319
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,782
Tim, please.
You really don't have to do this.
320
00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:10,782
There's no Tim here anymore.
321
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:12,947
My name is... Ouch!
322
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:19,894
My name is Linda,
and this is my good friend, Rose.
323
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:24,094
- Hi, Mommy.
- Well, hello, Rose. Hello, Ouch.
324
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:29,401
Hello. Well, please get on with
your speech. We're all aflutter.
325
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:36,141
OK, OK.
326
00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:39,910
"The only way to get our planet back
into shape is to exercise our minds.
327
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,976
By upgrading and modernizing
our library, we can do that."
328
00:20:44,676 --> 00:20:49,386
Look how she gets us involved.
I love this.
329
00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:51,758
"Your generous dollars
have made that possible,
330
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:55,492
"and I hope that you will continue to
give in the future." It goes on from there.
331
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:59,934
Bravo, bravo. Give her the wave.
332
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:03,633
Isn't she the most spectacular
speaker you've ever seen?
333
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:06,574
It is OK, isn't it?
It's marvelous, hon. It's marvelous.
334
00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:09,909
No, I'm serious.
I mean, it actually makes sense.
335
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:12,574
- It's terrific.
- Are you just saying that?
336
00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:16,609
- No, it's good.
- So it was good, but not terrific?
337
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:19,451
Huh? No... that's the same thing, isn't it?
338
00:21:19,511 --> 00:21:22,981
No, no, no, no.
"Good" means that it's OK.
339
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:27,588
"Terrific" means that
I'd be a fool not to give this speech.
340
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:30,497
You would be a fool
not to give this speech.
341
00:21:32,491 --> 00:21:35,995
OK, then I'll give it.
Thank you, Linda.
342
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:38,234
Thank you, Rose.
343
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:45,943
Rather unprofessional
to kiss us like that, wasn't it?
344
00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:49,213
Do you suppose that's her real hair color?
345
00:21:49,274 --> 00:21:51,720
I don't think so.
Look at the roots.
346
00:21:53,178 --> 00:21:56,785
Ever got some phlegm caught in
your throat that you can't get out?
347
00:21:56,848 --> 00:21:59,522
You just don't see old women
going like this, do you?
348
00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:14,607
- I'm here.
- Oh, good. Tim, we're on in a minute.
349
00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:16,373
Where've you been? I was worried.
350
00:22:16,435 --> 00:22:18,210
We were watching Mommy
give her speech.
351
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:20,876
- She wowed them at the library.
- I did all right.
352
00:22:20,939 --> 00:22:22,577
- How you doin', AI?
- Hi, Jill.
353
00:22:22,641 --> 00:22:24,746
You wowed them.
They asked you back for next year.
354
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:27,051
Oh, God.
I don't want to think about that.
355
00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:30,582
- Hi, Mark. How are you?
- Good.
356
00:22:30,649 --> 00:22:34,825
- Do anything fun this weekend?
- Daddy and I dressed up like women.
357
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:39,268
- Oh, really?
- It's not like it sounds, AI.
358
00:22:39,324 --> 00:22:43,295
Daddy had Mommy's hat on
and we both wore earrings.
359
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:47,139
Well, of course. Earrings
would complete the ensemble.
360
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:50,874
Music. Stand by,
here we go, everybody.
361
00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:53,473
It's not like I had a bra on or anything.
362
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:55,916
Well, maybe next time, Tim.
363
00:22:55,974 --> 00:22:58,614
Does everyone know what time it is?
364
00:22:58,677 --> 00:23:01,180
It's Tool Time!