1
00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:05,864
Today we get to mess with a Binford
60-pound upright electric jackhammer.
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:08,703
You know, Al, they say
that breaking up is hard to do.
3
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:12,438
Evidently, Neil Sedaka never
played with one of these bad boys.
4
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:17,472
This can make some real noise.
130 pulsating decibels of jackhammer.
5
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,711
Ar-ar-ar-ar-oh-oh-ar-ar-ar
6
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:24,687
You're right, Tim.
That's why we'll be protecting our hearing
7
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:28,023
with these soft, foam-filled,
plastic-cushioned earmuffs.
8
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:33,589
That's right, Al, and as any ZZ Top fan
knows, hearing loss begins at 85 decibels.
9
00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:36,191
At 100 decibels you have your
ordinary 10-inch table saw.
10
00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:38,134
(table saw whines)
11
00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:44,242
At 120 decibels you have
your 12-inch radial arm saw.
12
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:46,244
(radial arm saw whines)
13
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:50,682
And very dangerous, at 180 decibels,
14
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,742
you have your unbelievable 68-inch
mother-in-law.
15
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:55,583
(woman sings)
16
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,948
(singing cuts off)
17
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:00,390
Just kidding, Nana.
18
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,052
Al...
19
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,959
Earmuffs on.
20
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:11,564
All right, plug me in, Al. I'll need to get
AC power to this thing quick, all right?
21
00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:14,064
Plug it in, Al.
22
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,074
Al!
23
00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:17,970
Al!
24
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,710
Fly's down.
25
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,180
You're fired!
26
00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:31,383
(laughs)
27
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:37,290
You know, ladies, as Al's best friend,
I'd like to talk you about him
28
00:01:37,363 --> 00:01:40,230
for a minute if I could.
29
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,997
The beard,
pretty cheesy-looking, isn't it?
30
00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,368
And those flannel shirts
do nothing for me.
31
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:52,275
And as Al's dating record will attest,
they don't do much for him either.
32
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:05,240
Well, what do you think?
Can we put the kids in the middle?
33
00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:09,519
Here's the last of them.
34
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:13,457
It's really nice of your mom
to give us these encyclopedias.
35
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,926
- What are you doing with the trunk?
- Putting books in it.
36
00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:19,692
This thing's gonna weigh a ton! You know,
I've got two boxes in the garage for this.
37
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:23,702
Well, that's silly. We'll just use this
and you don't have to make two trips.
38
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:27,536
Right. I'll be making two trips anyway.
One to the garage and one to the hospital.
39
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:32,670
Oh, honey, you can do this. You used to
bench-press your body weight in college.
40
00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:36,704
You're heavier now,
you should be able to lift more.
41
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,546
If that were true,
you should be able to lift the whole...
42
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,711
The whole what?
43
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,952
The whole-wheat bread over there.
44
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:47,682
I got the lead!
45
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:48,818
- Oh!
- Yeah!
46
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,726
My baby got the lead!
47
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,628
- Oh, he's gonna play Peter Pan.
- Good going, buddy!
48
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:56,100
I knew it! I knew that he had that spark,
you know, that thing that says:
49
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,364
- "I am an artist. I live for the theater."
- Down, Jill. Down
50
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:01,100
I told you this, you know,
when he was in that Christmas pageant
51
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:07,010
all the other kids stood up on the stage.
Randy... stood up... on the stage.
52
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,911
Well, he probably gets it from you, hon.
53
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:12,543
'Cause you don't just burn meatloaf,
you bu-u-urn meatloaf.
54
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:17,946
I'm just glad I finally have a kid
who appreciates culture.
55
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:22,518
Yeah, and the best part is
I get to miss social studies for a month!
56
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:25,887
- Honey, what is this?
- Nothing.
57
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,592
Oh, yeah?
58
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:30,067
- "Desires Passion in the Wind"
- It's nothing.
59
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:32,104
I just bought it in the grocery store line.
60
00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:33,832
- And these?
- No...
61
00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:36,204
"Desires Real Passion"
62
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,335
"The Sweet Kiss of Desire"
63
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:41,005
"Desire and the Leprechaun"
64
00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:44,406
Cut it out.
65
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,076
You know, I didn't know
you liked books like this.
66
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:51,351
I know it sounds silly, but, you know,
they're actually very well-written.
67
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,949
Really?
68
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,655
(clears throat)
69
00:04:56,729 --> 00:05:00,426
"Her heart stood still
as Derek swept her into his arms."
70
00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:06,694
"His sinewy biceps rippled
as he carried her up the stairs
71
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:10,903
to a night of eternal ecstasy."
72
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,309
Oh, please.
73
00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:17,746
OK, so I enjoy
cheap romance and drama.
74
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:22,049
Fine. I'll bring some
hand puppets to the bedroom.
75
00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:25,648
Come on, I'll help you get this
over out to the garage.
76
00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:28,250
Whoa. This is a lot heavier
than I thought it was.
77
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:32,594
Maybe Derek could help you
with those sinewy biceps.
78
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,429
He probably could.
He's only 21.
79
00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:39,399
- Step aside, little lady.
- Oh, come on, Tim. I was just teasing you.
80
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,235
A minute ago
you were asking me to carry it.
81
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:45,038
No, no, no.
That was before I knew how heavy it was.
82
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:50,947
- You don't think I can carry this?
- Maybe, if there weren't any books in it.
83
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,076
- I can lift it with the books.
- Oh, come on, Tim!
84
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:54,619
- You're gonna hurt yourself.
- Oh.
85
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:58,145
Watch my biceps ripple one by one.
86
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:02,118
(Tim grunts)
87
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,293
Trunk of desire.
88
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,527
It's all in the legs, babe.
89
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:13,803
Oh! Oh!
90
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,033
Oh!
91
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:17,372
Oh! Gee!
92
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,274
Argh!
93
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:21,343
Argh!
94
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:36,454
- Do you have to go to the bathroom, Dad?
- I don't think I...
95
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:39,828
I don't think I'm ever
gonna go to the bathroom again.
96
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,730
Oh!
97
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:46,495
- What happened?
- I pulled my groin.
98
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,841
- What's that?
- My very favorite muscle.
99
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,176
- I'll get Mom.
- No, no, no, no. Don't tell your mother.
100
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,475
Don't tell your mother.
101
00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:58,540
Why not? Whenever I get hurt
she makes me feel better.
102
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:01,985
Well, that's regular pain,
this is man pain.
103
00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:05,046
How do you know if you have
regular pain or man pain?
104
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:09,788
If you do something stupid
it's probably man pain.
105
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:13,059
But if you don't tell Mom,
isn't that lying?
106
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,892
Not if you don't say the words.
If you said the words it'd be lying.
107
00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:19,699
- What if she asks me?
- Lie!
108
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:22,696
Lisa.
109
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:26,108
Al, Al. Can you come here?
I need some help.
110
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:30,172
I don't believe that's
part of my job description, Tim.
111
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:35,320
Just stand there and block my view
and tell me if anybody's coming, OK?
112
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,582
Mm-hm.
113
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:40,853
Butterfly's loose.
114
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:45,055
Do you ever feel like
your whole groin is on fire?
115
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,691
Every night, Tim.
116
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,802
- 15 seconds, guys.
- Thanks, Lisa.
117
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:54,897
What happened is I pulled
a groin muscle yesterday at home.
118
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:58,808
I went to the doc's this morning. He said
I'm not supposed to lift anything heavy.
119
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,472
So we have to change the format
of the show a little bit today.
120
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:06,348
- You're gonna have to do all the work.
- And what would the change be, Tim?
121
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,284
(Lisa) Does anybody
know what time it is?
122
00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:09,582
(audience) Tool Time!
123
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,749
That's right!
Binford Tools is proud to present
124
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:16,090
Tim "the tool man" Taylor.
125
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,091
Thank you.
126
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,101
Ah, thank you very much.
127
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:26,070
Welcome to Tool Time
I'm your host, Tim "the tool man" Taylor.
128
00:08:26,138 --> 00:08:29,369
And, of course, we all know my assistant,
Al. Al, what are we up to today?
129
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,034
Well, Tim,
today we're gonna be showing you
130
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,772
how to patch up your
sidewalk or driveway.
131
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:39,045
And to do that we're gonna
need to mix up some concrete.
132
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:42,849
That's right, concrete.
Cement, sand, gravel and water.
133
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:45,550
A man's Play-Doh. Ha-ha.
134
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,321
The best place to get concrete,
of course, is a cement truck.
135
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:52,330
But, of course, none of us have a cement
truck. But we'd all like one, wouldn't we?
136
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:57,529
Who wouldn't want 65,000 pounds out of
a hydraulic diesel-powered truck, oh yeah.
137
00:08:57,603 --> 00:09:03,098
Ten-yarder, 15 chutes spitting
water and gravel, churn... (barks)
138
00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:11,573
But quite frankly,
who needs 65,000 pounds of cement?
139
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:14,017
Nobody. Not unless you have
your mother-in-law visiting
140
00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:17,283
and you want to
make her some Loafers.
141
00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:19,483
Just kidding, Nana.
142
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,586
Speaking of loafers,
Al, why don't we mix up that concrete?
143
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,292
Well, since we'll only
be mixing up a small amount,
144
00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:30,858
all we'll need is a wheelbarrow,
water, sand and cement.
145
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:34,931
Sounds like that recipe
for the cookies you brought in yesterday.
146
00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:40,377
- My mother made those, Tim.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Hope she's dating a dentist.
147
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:43,607
- Here you go, Tim!
- No! I don't want...
148
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:55,089
We'll be right back
after these messages from B-Binfor...
149
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:56,219
(clunk)
150
00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,463
- (Randy) Hey, shut up, Brad.
- Boys.
151
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:01,329
Face it, you're the king of dorks.
152
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,701
Dad, look.
153
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:09,104
Oh, oh.
154
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:12,008
Yeah, this is my costume.
I look like an elf.
155
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:16,515
- No, elves have those pointed shoes.
- Yeah, like these?
156
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,642
Exactly like those.
157
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:22,279
Yeah. They even match
his sissy green tights.
158
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,617
Cut it out. They're not sissy.
159
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:27,352
All your superheroes wear tights.
Superman, Batman, Spider-Man.
160
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:29,394
- Wonder Woman.
- Hey, shut up!
161
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,056
You gotta wear tights if you fly,
it's an FAA regulation.
162
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,691
- It's aerodynamic or something.
- (Randy sighs)
163
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,894
Yeah, but I'm not gonna fly.
164
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:42,564
What do you mean, you're not gonna fly?
You gotta fly. You're the Pan man, man.
165
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:46,408
Yeah, well, Mrs. Mellor says
I'm supposed to, like, prance.
166
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,841
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
167
00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:52,816
No, no, no! No, stop doing...
Don't do that! No!
168
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:58,682
Men don't prance.
169
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:04,086
We walk, we run, we s... skip if no one's
looking, we jump, that sort of stuff.
170
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:07,030
But we don't ever, ever, prance.
171
00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:08,964
Oh, oh.
172
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:12,664
Yeah, but I can't fly.
The school doesn't have the equipment.
173
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:16,538
- They don't?
- No, and nobody knows how to build it.
174
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:20,602
- Nobody knows how to build it? (barks)
- Wait. Dad. Dad, no.
175
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,478
- Dad, cut it out. No. Dad.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
176
00:11:23,549 --> 00:11:25,779
You wanna fly?
I'm the guy who can fly you.
177
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:28,183
A double-ratchet pulley system.
Counterweight or something.
178
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:31,690
I can get you flying at 90mph
around that school.
179
00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:37,858
Well, yeah. I'd rather prance.
No one ever died in a prancing accident.
180
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:42,263
You know, as I see it, fella,
you got two choices.
181
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:46,930
One, you're soaring 30 feet in the air.
Swooping, diving, twisting,
182
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:48,564
turning over the audience,
they're looking up going:
183
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:51,508
"What's he flying for?
What's he... What's he gonna do to us?"
184
00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,044
Or...
185
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:56,513
prance around in that
dorky little green outfit
186
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:59,278
wearing elf shoes.
(bell jingles)
187
00:12:02,154 --> 00:12:05,180
- Fly me.
- Yes, yes, yeah, ow!
188
00:12:05,257 --> 00:12:07,157
Ow! Oh!
189
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:10,024
- I'm home!
- H-honey, honey.
190
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:12,795
- Hi.
- Hi.
191
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:16,164
- Are the... the kids home?
- Randy just went upstairs.
192
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,566
Oh.
193
00:12:17,636 --> 00:12:20,127
You wanna help me with the groceries?
194
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:21,605
Jill.
195
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:26,043
I wanna tell you something.
Yesterday, when I lifted that trunk...
196
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:29,445
Oh, well, that is so weird
that you mention that.
197
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:31,574
'Cause I have been
thinking about it all day.
198
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:32,639
What?
199
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:35,448
- Well, I know that I told you not to do it.
- Yeah, you were right.
200
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:37,682
And I know that
I'm supposed to be way past this,
201
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,021
it's kind of embarrassing,
in fact, but I gotta tell you...
202
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,424
- I know, I know what you're gonna say.
...it really turned me on.
203
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,690
Huh?
204
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:48,932
Hey, Mom, is it OK if I go to Tommy's?
205
00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:51,333
Please.
206
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,166
(door closes)
207
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,507
When you heaved that trunk
208
00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:06,449
up onto those powerful arms
209
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:10,717
and I saw all those muscles rippling,
210
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,985
I thought, "Whoa."
211
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:16,152
"That is no boy.
That's my man."
212
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,426
- Where are we going?
- We're going upstairs.
213
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:22,330
Upstairs?
214
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:27,034
(Tim) Mm, mm.
215
00:13:27,106 --> 00:13:29,370
Mm, mm.
216
00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:32,644
- OK.
- (Jill giggles)
217
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:34,474
- We'll go upstairs.
- Tim.
218
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,879
What is it?
219
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,309
- Carry me.
- Huh?
220
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,879
- (crashing)
- (Tim) Aaarghhh!
221
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:53,355
Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
222
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:54,558
Honey, this isn't your fault.
223
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:58,399
No, it's not my fault.
I jumped into your arms.
224
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,866
OK, it was your fault.
225
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,704
What do you want me to do for you?
Shall I get you some ice?
226
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:06,711
Ice would be good. I'm no doctor,
but I think I pulled my groin muscle.
227
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,974
Oh, no.
228
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:13,212
- Mark, have you seen the ice pack?
- It's in the garage. I'll get it.
229
00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:15,753
What is it doing in the garage?
230
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:20,088
Brad made a parachute
for Mrs. Thomson's cat.
231
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,125
What?
232
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,354
It didn't work.
233
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:32,701
- Why do you need an ice pack?
- Well, Daddy hurt himself.
234
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:36,104
You mean he told you
about his man pain?
235
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:38,609
His man pain?
What man pain would that be?
236
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,108
It's pain I'm not supposed
to tell you about.
237
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:48,851
- Oh, I already know about that.
- You know he hurt his favorite muscle?
238
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:52,513
Sure.
239
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:55,950
I just don't know how he did it, you know.
How did he do that?
240
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:58,929
- Carrying the trunk.
- Oh, right.
241
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,989
Carrying the trunk.
242
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:04,194
- Is Daddy going to be OK?
- Oh, yeah. Daddy's gonna be fine.
243
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:07,637
Mommy's gonna take
good care of Daddy.
244
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:14,135
Oh, honey, I just... I feel so bad.
245
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:19,549
You know, I just... I never realized that
I weigh so much more than that trunk.
246
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:24,416
Honey, that trunk didn't
give birth to three kids.
247
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,356
That's right.
248
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:32,261
You know, I think maybe
you hurt me worse than I thought.
249
00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:34,925
Probably be a good idea if I just sat on
the couch all week and watched football.
250
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,560
I'd feel better I think.
251
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,900
Well, that's a good idea.
Oh, and you know what else?
252
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:44,568
I could... I could get you a little bell and you
could ring it whenever you need me.
253
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:48,704
- That's silly. If I need you I'll just yell.
- Oh. Good idea.
254
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,612
Here's your ice.
255
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,082
Hey, he-he-hey, hey!
256
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:53,482
Oh!
257
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:56,877
Well, pookums.
258
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,516
Did I hurt your man pain?
259
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:01,923
Mark, you squealer!
260
00:16:01,994 --> 00:16:03,484
(Mark) She tricked me!
261
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:09,557
Hi-de-ho, neighbor.
262
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,000
Hey, Wilson.
263
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:15,037
- Now, what are you doing over there?
- Oh.
264
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:21,376
I'm designing a pulley system to fly Randy
for his school play. He's playing Peter Pan.
265
00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:23,847
- I notice you're hobbling there, Tim.
- Yeah.
266
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:26,646
I pulled my groin muscle
trying to lift this trunk for Jill.
267
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,710
Ow-Chihuahua.
268
00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:31,916
Well, if you needed help,
why didn't you call me?
269
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,789
Oh. I wanted to show her
that I could do it myself.
270
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:36,987
Oh, I see.
271
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:40,498
After all this time
you still want to impress your bride.
272
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:44,798
Yeah, that's kinda it. You know,
Jill and I have been married for 13 years.
273
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:47,464
- 14.
- 14 years, you know.
274
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,236
I still try to show off
for her now and then.
275
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:55,406
I think what you did
had a certain nobility.
276
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:59,508
- You see, Tim, you were being a peacock.
- (barks)
277
00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:04,551
- That's good, huh?
- Oh, yes.
278
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:08,559
You were trying to impress
your peahen by displaying your plumage.
279
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:12,222
God, and I pulled
the heck out of my plumage.
280
00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:15,032
Mm-hm-hm-hm-hm.
281
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:21,096
- What's really bothering you, Tim?
- It's nothing. Well, Wilson, I'm confused.
282
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,573
You know, I'm carrying this trunk of books
and I find out she likes these books
283
00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:25,303
about all these guys
with rippling muscles, you know,
284
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,073
so I wanted to, you know,
show her my rippling muscles
285
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:31,878
and these guys end up carrying
women off upstairs to ecstasy
286
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,009
and I pull a groin muscle.
287
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:37,749
Well, Tim, Tim, Tim, I think you've
got something over these young guys.
288
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:39,484
- You do?
- Uh-huh.
289
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:44,257
Yes, it's best summed up in an
ancient Chinese proverb. It goes:
290
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:46,490
(speaks Chinese)
291
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:57,441
W-w-wait, wait...
Is that Peking dialect?
292
00:17:57,509 --> 00:17:59,340
I am so sorry, Tim.
293
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:02,938
It may lose a bit in the translation,
but it goes:
294
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:09,583
"A great lover is not one who romances
a different woman every night."
295
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:15,287
"A great lover is one who romances
the same woman for a lifetime."
296
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,557
That's something to think about,
isn't it?
297
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:23,060
Is there anything
you don't know, Wilson?
298
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:25,103
I don't know.
299
00:18:27,906 --> 00:18:29,931
Pay attention, boys,
I'll show you how it's done.
300
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:32,306
Dad, when is
the ice-cream truck coming?
301
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:33,537
How am I supposed to know?
302
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:37,878
See, I told you, stupid, look.
Peter Pan is always played by a woman.
303
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,044
- No way.
- Look at the pictures.
304
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,714
Mary Martin, Sandy Duncan.
305
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,450
Oh, no.
306
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:48,857
- Dad, why isn't the ice-cream truck here?
- I don't know.
307
00:18:48,927 --> 00:18:52,863
Dad, why didn't you tell me
it's a girl's part? I can't do this.
308
00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:55,866
No, no. We're Taylors,
we're not quitters.
309
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:58,869
And besides, just 'cause a woman does it,
it doesn't mean a man can't do it.
310
00:18:58,937 --> 00:19:02,134
It's time for you to reclaim Peter Pan.
Make him your kinda guy.
311
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:04,607
You know, a guy that ice-skates
and goes on a skateboard,
312
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:07,577
a man's man,
a guy with a hairy chest. (barks)
313
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,136
Dad, is the ice-cream truck
coming soon?
314
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:12,081
Would you forget about
the ice-cream truck for a minute?
315
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,176
Oh. Oh.
316
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:19,854
- Brad, let's start flying. Pull the rope.
- Dad, there's no way we can fly you.
317
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:22,450
Yes, there is a way you can fly me.
You know why?
318
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:25,053
Because I've got all these
pulleys counterweighted, OK?
319
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:29,430
This isn't just piano wire, this is aircraft
cable. We could lift Nana with this stuff.
320
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,935
- Wow.
- You're darn right, wow.
321
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,939
All right, fly me like an eagle.
Pull it up like I showed you.
322
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:35,996
Argh!
323
00:19:36,074 --> 00:19:39,771
No wonder men don't play this part.
Guys, hold it. I don't have it rigged right.
324
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,813
Oh. No. Oh. Oh.
325
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,815
- Stop, please.
- Come on, Dad, think happy thoughts.
326
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:49,551
You're married. You're out of the house.
Now, go on. Get back. Get back.
327
00:19:49,621 --> 00:19:52,112
All right. Now, fly me.
Go! Go!
328
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,326
It's that simple.
329
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:08,396
- (Jill) Tim, what are you doing?
- He's flying, Mom.
330
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:09,906
Are you crazy?
331
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:12,808
Come on, guys,
fly me up so I can see my peahen.
332
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:16,644
- Mom, Dad called you a pea brain.
- That's not what I said.
333
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,205
Come on, guys, all together,
pull me up there.
334
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:21,844
- Get me up high.
- Mark, Randy, grab the rope.
335
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:28,052
- What are you doing?
- Just hear me out, hon.
336
00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:30,788
Well, stop it.
Get down from there!
337
00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:35,265
- I'm just trying to explain the groin thing.
- You don't have to explain.
338
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:37,894
I'm sorry I put the ice
down your pants.
339
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:41,098
Don't be sorry about that.
It melted. It felt great.
340
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,299
Just get down. Come on.
You can come inside.
341
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:44,672
I was just trying to impress you.
And you know what I thought?
342
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:48,270
I don't need a different
Chinese woman every night.
343
00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:52,113
- What?
- I just need you for the rest of my life.
344
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,216
- You see, after 13 years of marriage...
- 14.
345
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:02,419
14 years.
I want you still to be impressed with me.
346
00:21:02,494 --> 00:21:05,520
I am impressed with you.
Now, come inside before you hurt yourself.
347
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:06,859
I know what I'm doing.
348
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,332
I'm flying, honey!
349
00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:15,333
Backwards. That's not easy.
350
00:21:15,407 --> 00:21:18,934
I'm a peacock.
I'm spreading my wings for you.
351
00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:23,539
- Tim, peacocks can't fly.
- (music plays)
352
00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:25,139
(Mark) Ice-cream truck's here!
353
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:26,206
- (Randy) Ice cream!
- (Brad) All right!
354
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:29,482
Hey, guys. Don't let go of that rope!
Aaarghhh!
355
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:42,495
- Ah, I love that play so much.
- I wanna be Peter Pan when I grow up.
356
00:21:42,567 --> 00:21:48,563
When you told the audience
to save Tinker Bell, I clapped so hard.
357
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:52,076
Hey, Randy, what did I tell you? Did you
see all those people looking up at you?
358
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,669
I saw Jennifer looking at me.
359
00:21:54,746 --> 00:21:58,273
She wanted to know
where you bought your tights.
360
00:21:58,350 --> 00:22:01,911
All right, all right.
You guys fly up to bed.
361
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:04,717
- And don't forget to brush your teeth.
- (Randy) Good night, you guys.
362
00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:05,779
- (Jill) Good night.
- (Tim) Good night.
363
00:22:05,857 --> 00:22:07,688
(Brad) Good night.
364
00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:08,851
- Jill...
- Yeah?
365
00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:10,622
- I feel better.
- Well, that's good, honey.
366
00:22:10,696 --> 00:22:13,529
No, no, no.
I mean I feel a lot better.
367
00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:15,999
- Yeah.
- Oh.
368
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:21,301
OK, well, you lock up down here and
I'll go upstairs and wait for Mr. Peacock.
369
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:27,039
I've got the bad arm and bad leg, why don't
I just lock up? You can just walk upstairs.
370
00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:28,807
Peacock.
371
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:32,778
Oh. He left his hat down here.
372
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:34,910
- (bones crack)
- Oh!
373
00:22:39,391 --> 00:22:41,222
Jill!
374
00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:45,588
Jill!
375
00:23:14,693 --> 00:23:16,854
(barking)