1
00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:03,567
- Guys, what are you doing?
- We're watching the game.
2
00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:05,160
We're playing sumo wrestlers.
3
00:00:05,238 --> 00:00:08,696
You can't be watching the game and
playing sumo wrestlers at the same time.
4
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:11,107
Yes, we can. We're gifted.
5
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,847
And I am so proud.
Now take it outside.
6
00:00:14,914 --> 00:00:17,974
Come on, pass the ball.
Pass the ball. Pass the ball!
7
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,782
Yes! But not to the other team, you idiot.
8
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,846
Oh, come on. Not now,
I'm listening to the game. Come on.
9
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:25,447
No. I want you
to look at some of this stuff.
10
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,323
Oh, come on. It's tied and the Wolverines
need me. Please? Please?
11
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:30,693
No, I need you.
Come on, you can miss an inning.
12
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,789
Inning?
13
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,527
Why do you always bug me
during the football game?
14
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,331
Did I bug you during childbirth?
15
00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:41,140
No, but you bugged me
during conception.
16
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,309
There, see? It's a commercial.
You can talk to me.
17
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,674
All right.
You got two minutes. Hurry up.
18
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:49,647
You know, these are bits and pieces
of wills that we started and never finished.
19
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,776
The will? It's that again?
Didn't we just do this?
20
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:58,085
Yeah, this is real recent.
"In the event that we have children."
21
00:00:58,158 --> 00:00:59,557
You see,
I think you're avoiding this again.
22
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,925
Every time we go to make an appointment
with the lawyer we end up canceling it.
23
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,829
Usually because you come up with
some bizarre physical ailment.
24
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,266
- Do not.
- Last time it was because your hair hurt.
25
00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,394
It tightens up on me every so often.
26
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,597
Oh, game's on.
27
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,606
Tim, I'm gonna make an appointment
with the lawyer.
28
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,869
If you're even thinking about getting sick,
go see a doctor.
29
00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:21,642
- Honey, I'm healthy as a horse.
- Then see a veterinarian.
30
00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:24,808
When was the last time
that you had a complete physical?
31
00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:28,047
Honey, I...
I go to the doctor all the time.
32
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:31,284
I'm not talking about
the emergency room.
33
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,652
(Jill) Well, what do you think?
Can we put the kids in the middle?
34
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:51,161
One,
35
00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:52,397
two,
36
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:54,064
three.
37
00:02:56,709 --> 00:02:59,337
- Yes, it works.
- That was awesome.
38
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:02,438
I bet if we both jumped on it
we could get twice the power.
39
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,073
Yeah.
40
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:09,480
- What else can we shoot across the yard?
- Hi, guys.
41
00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:12,786
Hey, Mark. Come here.
42
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,757
Have you ever played Rocket Man?
43
00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:19,889
- You wanna play with me?
- Well, yeah.
44
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,627
- And guess what.
- What?
45
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,532
- You're gonna be the rocket.
- Cool.
46
00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:26,572
Now you just stand there and wait.
47
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,870
And you might wanna
put your hands out like Superman.
48
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:33,037
- Like this?
- Yeah, that's perfect.
49
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,841
One, two...
50
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:36,882
Wait! Hold it there!
51
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:39,077
But, Mom, I'm gonna fly.
52
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,347
This flight is grounded.
Mark, you go inside.
53
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:47,018
You two, you just stay right where you are.
Don't even think about moving.
54
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:49,823
But, Mom, they wanted to play with me.
55
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:53,423
Mark, when Brad and Randy say they
wanna play with you, always ask yourself:
56
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:56,866
"What do they want to do to me?"
57
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:58,961
OK. Hi, Dad.
58
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:02,599
Hello, my lucky little offspring
and my even luckier wife.
59
00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:05,200
Well, you're in a zippy mood.
60
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:09,078
I took your advice. Saw Dr. Brody
today, got a complete physical.
61
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:14,586
- Really?
- He said I'm fitter than a Greek god.
62
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,981
Just call me Baklava.
63
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:23,594
As a matter of fact, he was so impressed
he wanted to know if he could
64
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:27,963
frame my chest x-rays
and hang them in the waiting room.
65
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,901
Good thing he's not a proctologist.
66
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:35,539
- What are you doing?
- Working on the will.
67
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,872
I told you I was healthy.
We don't need to do this now.
68
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,572
You don't have to do it,
I'm doing it.
69
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:44,811
This first part is just about
listing your personal assets.
70
00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:46,181
I'm not doing this.
71
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:48,686
You don't have to do it.
I told you, I'm doing it.
72
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:52,657
"Upon your death, how and to whom
do you want your assets to be distributed?"
73
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:55,751
Why are we always talking about
my death? Let's talk about your death.
74
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:59,924
Statistics show it's much more common
for the man to die first.
75
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:02,991
Yeah? Well,
look what we have to live with.
76
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:09,402
And it's remarks like that
that lead to those early deaths.
77
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:12,171
Now, let me see.
Tim's tools...
78
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,736
- go to his brother Steve.
- No. No, no! No!
79
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,408
- They don't go to Steve. Don't...
- I thought you weren't participating.
80
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,747
I'm not participating. My tools are mine.
They don't go with anybody.
81
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:23,050
- I want to be buried with them.
- Oh, no.
82
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:26,785
You're not being buried.
I'm having you cremated.
83
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:30,761
No, you're not. Put me in some stupid urn
up here on the bookcase? Forget about it.
84
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,128
No, I'm not gonna do that.
I'm gonna put you in a mayonnaise jar
85
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,997
behind the wing nuts.
86
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:41,105
Rinse it out before you pour me in it.
87
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,972
There is something
that we do have to talk about.
88
00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:46,910
And that is who is gonna get the kids
if we both die.
89
00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:48,742
Wedgie patrol!
90
00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:51,716
Hey! Come on.
No wedgie patrol.
91
00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:56,153
Why wait till we're dead?
Won't somebody take them now?
92
00:05:56,222 --> 00:05:59,453
No, really. I'm serious about this.
What about one of my sisters?
93
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:01,686
You know,
Katie or Robin would take them.
94
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:04,525
If we gotta give them away, give them
to my brother Jeff. The boys love Jeff.
95
00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:06,224
Of course they do,
he's the only human being
96
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,268
who can belch
"The Star-Spangled Banner."
97
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,667
No, look. Let's just...
We'll just talk about this part later.
98
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:14,798
We'll go back to the other thing.
You know, we don't have to itemize.
99
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:19,004
It basically just says that if I die you get
everything and if you die I get everything.
100
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:21,876
My stuff's so much cooler than your stuff.
101
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:27,113
If you die, what do I end up with? That
weird little pig oven mitt and that blender.
102
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:30,280
If I die, you get
the Binford 18-piece chisel and punch set.
103
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:34,725
Oh, well, now you see why
I'm so desperate to get this down on paper.
104
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:38,662
But let's say I die
and you remarry a young stud named Paco
105
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,665
who's a bullfighter in Mexico.
Then what happens?
106
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,566
I learn Spanish.
107
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:49,669
Anyway, before we say goodbye, Al's got
a little project he'd like to talk about.
108
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:54,304
That's right, Tim. I've recently
bought land up near Houghton Lake.
109
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:56,143
I'm building my own log cabin.
110
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:59,912
(grunts/makes monkey noises)
111
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,412
Log cabin. Oh, yeah, yeah.
112
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,480
A man, a log, and his tools.
113
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:07,924
(grunts)
114
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:11,486
Al comes from pretty hardy pioneer stock.
115
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:13,725
I do.
116
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,736
As a matter of fact, we have a picture
of the matriarch of the Borland clan,
117
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:21,433
Al's great-great-grandmother,
Sal Borland.
118
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:24,870
(neighing)
119
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,071
(gunshot. then crash)
120
00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:31,641
How long have you been working
on that cabin, Al?
121
00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:34,777
About four and a half months, Tim.
122
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:38,085
But that's only because
I'm doing it the old-fashioned way -
123
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:40,455
the sweat of my brow and an ax.
124
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:43,256
A pox on your ax, Al.
125
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,156
This is what you need, buddy.
126
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:48,223
(chainsaw motor runs)
127
00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:54,429
You know, the Binford 8200.
82cc's, 42-inch pro bar,
128
00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:56,998
silicone pistons, steel bucking spike.
129
00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,135
(makes monkey noises)
130
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:03,346
That's fine, Tim, but I'm trying
to build it the way my forefathers did.
131
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:06,010
But, Al, three out of four fathers
recommend this.
132
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:08,144
(chainsaw motor runs)
133
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:16,494
I prefer the ax, Tim.
You power that yourself.
134
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:19,429
Fine. Build it the wimpy way, Al.
135
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,797
But next time on Tool Time
I'm gonna show everybody
136
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:24,530
just how to use the Binford 8200.
137
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,595
(chainsaw motor runs)
138
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:34,045
That way you can all learn
how to build your own log condominium.
139
00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:36,581
Well, Tim, I think you should point out
that that particular chainsaw
140
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:38,082
is very powerful and dangerous...
141
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,742
(chainsaw motor runs)
142
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:41,047
...and should not be...
- (chainsaw motor runs)
143
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,815
...should not be used without...
- (chainsaw motor runs)
144
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:45,881
(chainsaw motor switches on and off)
145
00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,427
(chainsaw motor runs)
146
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:56,765
(chainsaw motor stops)
147
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:05,272
This particular chainsaw should not be
used without the assistance of a trained...
148
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,676
(chainsaw motor runs)
149
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:11,809
Do you guys know what a will is?
150
00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:15,386
It's a paper that says
who's gonna get your stuff when you die.
151
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:18,912
Yeah, it's good to have one
in case we kill you.
152
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:21,221
Mom and Dad are making one now.
153
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:24,024
- I get the hot rod.
- No way. Why?
154
00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:26,894
'Cause I'm the oldest.
I get all the good stuff.
155
00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:28,763
- No, you don't. I want the hot rod.
- Too bad.
156
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:31,302
Yeah, too bad, huh?
157
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,800
Hey. Good leg sweep, Randy.
158
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:39,611
Who gets the hot rod when you die?
159
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,773
When I die? That's all you're worried
about - who gets the hot rod?
160
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:46,340
Fine, forget the hot rod.
Who gets the stereo?
161
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:50,554
Why don't you let me worry about that
and you worry about setting the table.
162
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:53,251
I'll figure out my will myself.
163
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,453
(quacking noise)
164
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,456
- Is that you, Wilson?
- Yes, indeedy, good neighbor.
165
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,593
Actually what you heard
was Anas platyrhynchos.
166
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:06,570
more commonly known as the mallard.
167
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:10,405
Wilson, Jill and I are working on our will
and it's really getting to me.
168
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:14,469
Actually, Tim, it's quite appropriate
that you're contemplating death.
169
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:15,741
Yeah, why's that?
170
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:19,649
Well, you see, when you rearrange
the letters of your name, Tim Taylor,
171
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,584
it spells the word "mortality."
172
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:24,316
Oh, I hate to hear stuff like that, Wilson.
173
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:26,381
Does that disturb you, Tim?
174
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,758
Not as much as the fact
that you know that.
175
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:33,924
Now, Jill Taylor,
on the other hand, would be...
176
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,729
"jolly trail."
177
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:43,539
There's been no jolly trail over here.
We've been arguing about that will.
178
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:45,008
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
179
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:49,013
I hate wills. I wonder who started them.
Where'd they come from?
180
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:52,175
Well, Tim, I'm sure you could trace it
back to some chiseled drawing
181
00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:54,742
on the cave wall of Cro-Magnon man.
182
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:58,048
Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting.
183
00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:02,292
I, Grog - ting, ting, ting, ting, ting -
184
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:05,660
leave my wheel - ting, ting, ting, ting -
185
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:08,859
to Grog Jr. - ting, ting.
186
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:12,700
To my loving wife - ting, ting, ting, ting -
187
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:17,038
whose shrill cry scares the mastodon
- ting, ting, ting, ting -
188
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:20,471
I leave this stick.
189
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:28,482
You see, Tim, wills are the natural
outgrowth of our mortality consciousness.
190
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:29,543
Huh?
191
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,819
I'm just saying the human being
is the only animal, from an early age,
192
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:36,589
that realizes that it's going to die.
193
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:39,631
It may know it's going to die,
but it doesn't know when.
194
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:44,068
Oh, I wouldn't worry, neighbor.
You probably have 50 more good years.
195
00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:46,730
Or I could die tomorrow.
196
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,902
(quacking noise)
197
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:06,291
- Honey, what are you doing?
- I'm working on my hot rod.
198
00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:08,121
It's 4:30.
199
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:11,595
I wanted to get an early start on it today.
Did I wake you up?
200
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:15,464
No, I'm starting my paper route
this morning.
201
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,369
I'm sorry.
202
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:23,604
- Are you thinking about the will?
- No.
203
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,940
Well, I have been.
204
00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:29,009
I've decided that you're right.
205
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,379
Maybe we should
let your brother Jeff have the kids.
206
00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:32,644
- No.
- They love him.
207
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:36,814
Jeff doesn't know how to raise kids.
He's demented.
208
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:41,952
He used to put honey on my butt
and make me sit in red ant piles.
209
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,924
I thought that you said
that that was who you wanted.
210
00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:49,024
Well, I changed my mind.
211
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:52,434
- Then who do you want?
- I don't want anyone.
212
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,996
Tim, what is bothering you?
213
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:57,565
- Nothing is bothering me.
- Come on, there's something.
214
00:12:57,643 --> 00:13:00,111
Is it anything to do with your dad?
215
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,669
No.
It has nothing to do with my dad.
216
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:04,875
I just don't think anybody's qualified
to take care of the boys.
217
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,885
I guess you and I just can't die.
218
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:10,945
You don't think
you're being a little irrational?
219
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:15,050
Easy for you to say.
You're "jolly trail."
220
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,788
- What?
- See, I'm not being irrational.
221
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,329
I just know too much.
222
00:13:18,397 --> 00:13:22,026
If I were an animal
I would be unconscious.
223
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,592
Think about that.
224
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,971
Thank you.
225
00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:35,673
Welcome to Tool Time
I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor,
226
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:39,275
and you all know Al,
the great-great-grandson of Sal Borland.
227
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:41,478
(loud cheering)
228
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:50,928
Al, you perchance
have some friends in the audience today?
229
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,623
More than friends, Tim.
230
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:54,859
I'd like to introduce
a group that I inspired.
231
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,596
People without personalities.
232
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:02,806
No, Tim. I'd like to introduce a group
that's in our studio audience today,
233
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:05,605
the Al Borland Fan Club.
234
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:11,149
Welcome, members of ABFC.
235
00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:14,009
Al, do you call it a club
236
00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:19,114
'cause you've gotta beat these guys
over the head to get them to join?
237
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:21,819
(all) I don't think so, Tim.
238
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:33,269
Well, since your fan club's here, why don't
I let you introduce the project for today, Al?
239
00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:39,372
Today, Tim will be demonstrating
log cutting with the Binford 8200.
240
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:42,744
And to help him out, we have
a couple of lumberjacks with us today,
241
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,682
Red Jenkins and Phil Gaxton.
242
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,011
This way.
243
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:51,613
Thanks, men.
244
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:55,023
- Here you go, Al.
- Thanks for the buttons.
245
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:02,363
Golly, it's a lot bigger
than it looks in the picture, isn't it?
246
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:04,664
Hope you have life insurance.
247
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:08,905
They don't call it
the Widow Maker for nothing.
248
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:11,204
W-W-Widow Maker?
249
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:14,508
That's right.
But I'm sure you'll do all right, Tim.
250
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,140
Al, this would be
the perfect project for you.
251
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:19,616
Tim, it's your show.
252
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:24,320
I wonder if your fans would like to see you
take the reins of this bad boy.
253
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,483
What about it, Al pals? Ha ha!
254
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:34,060
You see, Tim, an Al pal's first duty
is to watch out for Al.
255
00:15:38,737 --> 00:15:43,800
And it's my first duty to fire you
for not doing what I say, Al.
256
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:47,471
Red, Phil,
why don't you bring out Al's log?
257
00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:48,945
Here's a lesson for you kids at home.
258
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:52,245
Always have your coworker
do the dangerous stunts.
259
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,013
Sure, the girls
are gonna think he's cooler,
260
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:58,580
but you'll get the girl in the end
because you survived.
261
00:15:58,657 --> 00:16:01,057
Remember, safety first.
262
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,193
You've seen it cut through wood.
263
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,892
you've seen it cut through concrete.
but that's not all
264
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,562
The Kasaki steak knife will also
cut through this two-inch exhaust pipe
265
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,504
Oh.
266
00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:17,865
Uh-huh. OK. I found it.
267
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:21,970
Expiration is 7/93.
268
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:24,242
Right.
I want the whole Kasaki set.
269
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:27,945
The super set, right.
I get that leather pouch, right?
270
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:30,580
Oh, that just looks like leather? Oh.
271
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:34,820
All right, but I ordered a whole set so
I get that titanium cheese slicer too, right?
272
00:16:34,893 --> 00:16:36,724
Great. Thank you.
273
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:38,126
Hey.
274
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:42,133
What are you doing up, little man?
It's 3:00 in the morning.
275
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:44,226
Can't sleep?
276
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:48,672
- What's the matter?
- Dad, are you gonna die?
277
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,539
Not till I've paid for these knives.
278
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:55,003
Come over here.
What's the matter with you?
279
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,811
- You told Wilson you're going to die.
- You heard that?
280
00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:00,943
I was in the tree.
281
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:05,423
Well, I didn't mean I was gonna die now.
I'm gonna live for a long, long time.
282
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:08,255
But your dad died
when you were a kid.
283
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,956
That doesn't mean
anything's gonna happen to me.
284
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,967
But what if it does?
285
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:20,467
Well, I'll find somebody really cool
to take care of you.
286
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,598
Like Al?
287
00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:30,437
He'll assist that person.
288
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:35,283
If you're not gonna die,
why do you need a will?
289
00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:36,878
'Cause, uh...
290
00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:38,855
Honey?
291
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:42,917
That's just something
that every responsible adult has to do.
292
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,793
That's what I was gonna say.
293
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:47,491
You don't have to worry about that stuff.
294
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:51,935
No, you only have to worry
about vegetables,
295
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,973
and cleaning up your own room,
296
00:17:55,040 --> 00:18:00,444
and making sure your brothers
don't rocket you over the house.
297
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,548
Besides, you don't have to worry about
that. Just know that your mom and I...
298
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:07,483
Shh.
299
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:21,429
So I guess you're not the only one
that's been losing sleep over this.
300
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,901
Yeah, but he gets to ask questions.
I gotta answer them.
301
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:27,404
Guess that makes you the dad.
302
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:32,338
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
303
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:37,445
- What are you thinking about?
- The car.
304
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,920
Hot rod?
305
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:45,650
A 1957
306
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:48,056
Ford Fairlane 500 Skyliner.
307
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:51,961
It was two-tone,
deep emerald green and ivory.
308
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,926
Why are you thinking about that?
309
00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:57,757
Uh...
310
00:18:57,836 --> 00:19:00,134
That was the...
311
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:06,110
That was the car that Dad and my brothers,
we used to goof around with on Saturdays.
312
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:08,169
And, God, it was...
It was a hardtop convertible.
313
00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:12,707
Those are tough to get. You can't
find them. Boy, that was a great car.
314
00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:15,514
You know, and then, you know, he died.
315
00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:23,022
Uncle Harry took the car and he sold it.
We never seen it again.
316
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:28,431
And that was the best thing
I ever remember about my dad.
317
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,435
Honey,
318
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:35,564
isn't that the perfect reason
for you to sign a will?
319
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:38,269
Well, that would be
the perfect reason. Sure.
320
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,641
Then why don't you sign it?
321
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,074
Dad was, uh...
322
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:47,983
only three years older
than I am now when he died.
323
00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:52,387
And he had all boys
and I have all boys.
324
00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:56,052
And he, you know,
he built a Ford in the garage and...
325
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:59,063
I got a Ford in the garage, and I don't want
my kids growing up without their dad,
326
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:03,659
and I kinda figure that if I sign that will
it means I'm gonna die.
327
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,533
But you know that's not true.
328
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,269
Besides there's...
329
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:17,343
there's one big difference
between you and your father.
330
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:19,350
What's that?
331
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,784
His car worked.
332
00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:29,286
- I miss my dad an awful lot, honey.
- I know, I know.
333
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,092
- Wanna go upstairs and go to bed?
- All right.
334
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:39,729
Gonna be awful tired tomorrow.
335
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:42,330
- Can you carry Mark up?
- Sure.
336
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:44,136
OK.
337
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:11,797
Oh, like that's believable - a steak knife
that could cut through a tree trunk.
338
00:21:11,870 --> 00:21:16,864
What kinds of idiots call up these shows in
the middle of the night and order this junk?
339
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:20,105
Huh! It takes all kinds, honey.
340
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:28,911
Mom?
341
00:21:28,987 --> 00:21:31,478
Will you give my will to the lawyer?
342
00:21:31,556 --> 00:21:35,083
You made a will?
That is so responsible of you.
343
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:39,290
Let's see. "I give my piggy bank,
my Rollerblades and all my toys to Mom."
344
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:43,596
"Except my G.I. Joe
that Brad pulled the head off."
345
00:21:43,669 --> 00:21:48,106
"I leave that to Randy
'cause I think he knows where the head is."
346
00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:53,774
Maybe we can take care of that
while you're still alive.
347
00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:56,609
- He gave everything to you?
- Yep.
348
00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:59,344
Just like you.
349
00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:02,182
You know, honey,
I've been thinking.
350
00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:05,519
If I die first,
I want you to remarry.
351
00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:07,785
Thanks.
352
00:22:07,859 --> 00:22:11,192
- Would you?
- You just said I could.
353
00:22:12,597 --> 00:22:15,430
Yeah, I know,
but would you?
354
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,593
Uh, are you sure you're dead?
355
00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,261
Yeah.
356
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,863
- How long?
- Years.
357
00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:24,539
OK, I'd remarry.
358
00:22:24,609 --> 00:22:27,009
What kind of woman would it be?
359
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:31,209
Well, I guess I'd look
for a woman that was alive.
360
00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:34,718
That would make it easier
to get the blood test.
361
00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:36,686
Maybe I'd...
362
00:22:36,755 --> 00:22:39,383
Well, I'd want someone
who's a good mom,
363
00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:42,427
sensitive and caring,
364
00:22:42,494 --> 00:22:45,952
good sense of humor,
and loving.
365
00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:51,697
You know, because I'd like my second
marriage to be a lot better than this one.
366
00:22:55,841 --> 00:22:58,435
I'll haunt you.
367
00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:03,810
The Binford 8200.
368
00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:05,873
Huh? 42-inch pro bar,
369
00:23:05,951 --> 00:23:07,646
silicone pistons.
370
00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:10,586
Huh? Steel something or other.
371
00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:14,820
...and should not be...
- (chainsaw motor runs)
372
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:16,622
...should not be used without...
- (chainsaw motor runs)
373
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:19,664
(chainsaw motor turns on and off)