1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,926
Remember to make the final strokes
with just the tip of your brush.
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,131
That way, you'll end up
with a beautiful finish,
3
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:08,834
just like on this
American walnut cabinet.
4
00:00:08,908 --> 00:00:12,139
Tim, it's not American walnut.
It's English walnut.
5
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,874
Wrong, Al. That's American walnut.
6
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,178
I don't think so, Tim.
7
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:20,617
Pardon me. (sniffs)
8
00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:24,446
English walnut.
9
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,515
(sniffs)
10
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,887
American bearded nut.
11
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:40,265
I've trained myself to distinguish wood not
only by sight and feel, but also by smell.
12
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:44,174
And smelling wood
must come real handy at parties, huh?
13
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:46,872
As a matter of fact, Tim, it does.
14
00:00:46,946 --> 00:00:49,107
If you're a beaver.
15
00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:51,776
If you were lost in the forest
in the middle of the night,
16
00:00:51,851 --> 00:00:56,254
you'd be grateful for this talent because
you could sniff your way back to safety.
17
00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:58,847
Or you could buy a cellular phone.
18
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,818
What's with you, anyway?
19
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,125
Well, Tim, all I can say is,
if push came to shove,
20
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:07,598
I believe I could
identify wood blindfolded.
21
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:10,431
Well, maybe the audience would like to see
22
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:14,803
a little demonstration
of Al's wood-sniffing skills? Huh?
23
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:24,874
OK, then. On the next Tool Time.
we'll put Al "Nostrils" Borland to the test.
24
00:01:25,718 --> 00:01:27,709
For now, the Tool Time tip of the day:
25
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:30,620
don't inhale the varnish
and definitely don't drink it.
26
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:34,990
It would be a sad end,
but a beautiful finish.
27
00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:37,052
See you next time.
28
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,361
(Jill) Well, what do you think?
Can we put the kids in the middle?
29
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:58,673
This is perfect.
This is how we can get the McGurns.
30
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,474
The McGurn boys are poopheads.
31
00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,640
What happened to you?
32
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:06,617
They got mad that you threw mud balls
at 'em so they made me into Mudman.
33
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,746
Don't worry.
We're gonna get 'em back good.
34
00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:11,813
- Look at this.
- What is it?
35
00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:14,291
It's a catapult. Look at the picture.
36
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,488
In Middle Ages, when you wanted
to storm an enemy's castle,
37
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:23,400
you'd get a dead and diseased horse
and fling it over the castle walls.
38
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,331
You don't have a dead horse.
39
00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:32,601
Hey. Maybe we could get
Mrs. Bauscher's dog.
40
00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:35,671
- He's not dead.
- Well, almost.
41
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:40,518
We just need something that stinks.
42
00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:45,590
I don't stink.
43
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:47,921
Garbage.
44
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:51,521
We could build one of those things
and fling it into the back of McGurns' yard.
45
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,589
All right. Yes.
46
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:57,900
Oh, no. What are you doing now?
47
00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:01,566
I souped up the weed whacker, baby.
48
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:04,439
I thought you bought that one 'cause it was
the most powerful one in the store.
49
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:06,944
Now it's the most
powerful one on the planet.
50
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,776
I put a little miniturbo in here.
51
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:14,946
I think I can get this two-cycle motor up to
33,000 rpm's. Just call me Robowhacker.
52
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:19,590
- Excuse me, Mr. Whacker.
- Huh?
53
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,924
- There are no weeds in November.
- I know that.
54
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:26,898
I'm just going to do a little trial spin
before I put it to sleep for winter.
55
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,957
(doorbell rings)
56
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:36,334
Karen. Dave.
Dave and Karen. Happy couple. Hi.
57
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:38,604
- Hey, sweetie.
- You want some coffee?
58
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:41,306
- Yes. Yes.
- Where's Tim?
59
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:45,750
Oh, he's outside
trying some new weed whacker thing.
60
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,809
(weed whacker buzzing)
61
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:58,555
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ha-ha-ha.
62
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,292
Whoo!
63
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,633
That's whacking some weeds. Dave!
64
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:09,140
- Hey, Tim.
- How you doin', buddy?
65
00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:11,369
- Nice slacks.
- Karen.
66
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,607
- Nice legs, Chicken Little.
- Thanks, Mouth Big.
67
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:18,617
- What are you guys doing over here?
- We're going to the opera tonight.
68
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,619
Aah!
69
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,155
Jill, I need to borrow your opera glasses.
70
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:26,953
- OK. Which one are you going to see?
- La Boheme
71
00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:30,985
- La Boheme?
- Yeah. La Boheme The Bohemian.
72
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:34,727
It's a very romantic opera,
but they're a very romantic couple,
73
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:39,101
just as I knew they would be
when I first set them up.
74
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,402
Hey, Tim. Why don't you guys
come and join us tonight, huh?
75
00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:43,772
Dandy idea, Dave.
76
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,073
But I'm married now.
77
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:48,375
You only have to go through
that opera hell when you're dating.
78
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:53,317
- OK. Mr. Cynic.
- Goes both ways, Kar-Kar.
79
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,854
You dated.
You pretend you like football don't you?
80
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,117
Just so happens
that I really like football.
81
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,957
Just last weekend we curled up
on the couch and watched a whole game.
82
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,122
Really? Who played?
Don't say anything. Who played the game?
83
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,962
It was that team
that has the animal name.
84
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:11,162
And they were playing
opposite that team with the quarterback
85
00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:13,728
with the really long hair
and the high cheek bones.
86
00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:15,273
- Maraschino.
- Marino.
87
00:06:15,341 --> 00:06:17,332
Marinovich.
88
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:20,035
- Very hunky guy.
- Very hunky.
89
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,478
Of course,
you know what I like about football?
90
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,538
- What's that?
- (both) The butts.
91
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:26,818
Then they get in that circle,
you know, and cuddle.
92
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,649
They huddle in the circle.
93
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:33,886
Tim. Why don't you come and show me
this new weed whacker, all right?
94
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,761
What is this?
95
00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:43,131
Never seen a professional football before?
96
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:45,102
Needs air.
97
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:48,470
Listen, Tim. I need a favor from you.
98
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,406
Name it, buddy.
99
00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:53,775
- You and I had lunch together yesterday.
- I was at the project house all day.
100
00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:59,079
Yeah. I know you were, but if Karen asks,
you and I had lunch together.
101
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,747
- It's a tiny favor, Tim.
- It's not a tiny favor. This is a major favor.
102
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,813
Come on. Karen's Jill's best friend.
103
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:09,351
- I don't think I should know about this.
- All right, all right, all right.
104
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,556
- I'm seeing someone else.
- I don't want to hear about this.
105
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,098
- She's very nice.
- I don't want to know her.
106
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:16,693
- She's tall. She's blonde.
- Cut it out. Come on, Dave, Dave, Dave.
107
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:20,136
I don't see what the big deal is. I mean,
I've only been dating Karen for a month.
108
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:23,767
She'll think it's a big deal.
She's single and over 35.
109
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:26,869
Do you know what
a month is in ovarian years?
110
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,072
(door opens)
111
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:31,515
Dave. We gotta get going.
We don't want to be late for that opera.
112
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:33,575
Be right there, honey.
113
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:34,915
- (sighs)
- (door closes)
114
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,922
Tim, you gotta help me out.
I don't want to hurt Karen.
115
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,754
Then stop dating tall blondes.
116
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,727
Look, I gotta be honest with you.
117
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:46,094
I already told her that I had lunch
with you yesterday, so it may come up.
118
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,189
What?
119
00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:50,861
Boxing Cat Grill.
Ham and cheese on rye. Extra mustard.
120
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:54,498
Dave, Dave. Come here. David. Dave!
121
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,142
(clipping noise)
122
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:02,579
- Wilson?
- Hi-di-ho, neighbor.
123
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,240
What? Are you over there
eavesdropping, huh?
124
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,945
Oh, heavens, no.
125
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:09,180
Just giving myself a little haircut.
126
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:11,883
You know, Wilson.
I was thinking about friends today.
127
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,825
You mean old two-timer Dave?
128
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,694
- I thought you said you weren't listening.
- No, no, no, no.
129
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:22,291
Just a few juicy tidbits
did waft over the fence.
130
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:24,362
He's put me in a real awkward position.
131
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:29,807
Well, are you referring to the ham
and cheese, the opera, or the tall blonde?
132
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:34,074
A few juicy tidbits, Wilson? Sounds like
you ended up with the whole tid.
133
00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:37,912
Well, you heard the whole situation.
What do you do?
134
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:41,385
Defend your buddy
or hurt Karen with the truth?
135
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,149
(mumbles)
136
00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:48,785
Well, Tim. I'm reminded
of what Aristotle said about Plato.
137
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:54,731
"Keep the lid on tight otherwise
it'll all dry out." That's what I tell Mark.
138
00:08:56,002 --> 00:09:00,371
No, no, no.
No, Tim. Not Play-Doh.
139
00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:02,737
Plato. The philosopher.
140
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:07,108
Oh, yeah. Very introspective guy. Wore
the tunics. Very nice guy. I understand.
141
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:12,845
Aristotle said, "Plato is dear to me,
but dearer still is truth."
142
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:17,481
"Piety requires us
to honor truth above our friends."
143
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,855
Yeah, of course.
So if it comes up, I should tell the truth.
144
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:23,054
Well, Tim. There's no easy answers.
It's the age-old dilemma.
145
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:26,690
The high road or the low road.
The lady or the tiger.
146
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:28,597
Door number one, door number two.
147
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:33,401
(grunts) Yeah. Firing squad, electric chair.
It's all the same to me.
148
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,104
Tim, you should say goodbye.
They're going.
149
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:38,666
- Bye, you guys.
- Yeah. We have to pick up Dave's suit.
150
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:42,703
He didn't get a chance to get it yesterday,
'cause you two guys got together for lunch.
151
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:46,013
Yeah, right. Lunch. Let's go, honey.
152
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:50,249
So, Tim. Did you like the Boxing Cat Grill?
It's one of our favorite places.
153
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,883
- Yeah.
- Did you try the pea soup?
154
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,255
No. Ham and cheese on rye.
155
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,595
Well, it was fun.
Thanks again for lunch, Tim.
156
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:03,726
Hey, Dave. Come to think of it.
Remember who paid the bill?
157
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:07,068
I think you owe me 20 bucks, don't you?
158
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:14,069
(grunts) Oh-ho.
159
00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:18,846
- There you go.
- Thanks.
160
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,216
- See ya.
- Bye.
161
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,346
- Thanks a lot, you guys.
- See you later.
162
00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:24,855
- You're welcome. Bye.
- Bye-bye.
163
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:28,860
Have fun at the opera.
Like that's humanly possible.
164
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:33,297
- I'm gonna go change out of these pants.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Not so fast.
165
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,300
You didn't have lunch with Dave yesterday.
166
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,233
Yeah, I did. He just covered his check.
167
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:42,036
You told me that you were
at the project house all day long.
168
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,009
Yeah, but... Except for the part
where I had lunch with Dave.
169
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:47,841
But Dave works downtown.
That's, like, 20 miles away.
170
00:10:47,913 --> 00:10:51,508
That's why we met halfway
at the Boxing Cat Grill.
171
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:55,020
What happened to the lunch
that I packed for you?
172
00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,612
I took that with me.
173
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,590
To the restaurant?
174
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:04,256
We couldn't get in,
so we had to eat in the car.
175
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:10,667
- Then why did he give you the 20?
- I sold him my sandwich.
176
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,532
There is something fishy going on here.
177
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,009
Either you did something wrong
or Dave did.
178
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:22,070
Those are my only options?
179
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,548
Is he seeing somebody else?
Don't lie to me.
180
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,847
- Don't lie to you.
- Look at me.
181
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:32,186
Look me in the eye and tell me
that he isn't seeing someone else.
182
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:40,190
- Define "seeing."
- Oh, no. I've got to call her now.
183
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,291
Don't call her. This is none
of your business. Jill, hang the phone up.
184
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:46,361
Karen is my best friend. I mean,
I set the two of them up. I'm responsible.
185
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,236
I've got to tell her
that jerk is fooling around on her.
186
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:50,901
- We don't know if that's true.
- Is it?
187
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:52,943
No.
188
00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:54,775
I know you. You're covering for Dave.
189
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,008
When you say no,
you really mean yes, don't you?
190
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,415
- No.
- See.
191
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:03,053
- So two noes make a yes?
- Yeah.
192
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:04,680
- Does that yes mean no?
- No.
193
00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:05,883
What?
194
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:07,789
I gotta call her,
or leave a message on her machine.
195
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,259
- Stay out of this, please. Stay out of this.
- What?
196
00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:11,057
- Stay out of this.
- OK. Look.
197
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:14,896
I will stay out of this if you call Dave and tell
him that he's gotta come clean with Karen.
198
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:18,232
Got a better idea. Let's split the 20.
199
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,005
Tim!
200
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,871
All right. All right.
Take the whole thing.
201
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,934
You gotta call him.
202
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:27,979
Jill, you don't understand.
I can't call him and talk to him about this.
203
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:30,447
Men do not call each other
and talk about relationships.
204
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:31,983
Well, they talk about sex.
205
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:35,145
So? That has nothing
to do with relationships.
206
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,181
Except in ours.
207
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:44,193
Until now.
208
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,567
Youch. What do I owe you for this?
209
00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:58,872
Hey. For the way you covered for me
with Karen yesterday, that's on me.
210
00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:02,476
Dave. Let's talk
about yesterday for a minute.
211
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,413
Keep the 20. It was a good touch.
212
00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:07,850
You really put me on the spot, Dave.
213
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,512
I know. I'm sorry, man.
214
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:12,580
Hey, but you handled it great.
Karen did not suspect a thing.
215
00:13:12,658 --> 00:13:14,922
Let me tell you something
about Karen and I.
216
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,053
Hi, honey. Look who's here.
217
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:20,621
- Hey, Jill. How are you doing?
- Fine. Thanks.
218
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:24,226
Dave brought the right distributor, so now
maybe we can time this thing correctly.
219
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:27,761
Well. Timing's everything.
Isn't it, Dave?
220
00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:34,278
You guys want me to make you some
sandwiches? Ham and cheese, perhaps?
221
00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:37,611
That'd be great.
And get some coffee for us too.
222
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:45,017
I'll make the coffee, though. I'll do it.
223
00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:50,518
- She knows?
- No.
224
00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:54,623
- You told her.
- No, I didn't.
225
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:57,897
- And she's told Karen already. Hasn't she?
- I told her not to tell Karen.
226
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,495
Great.
227
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,871
Now, is Jill going to act weird
every time I see her?
228
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:06,070
I don't think you'll
be seeing her that much.
229
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:08,841
- That's a joke, Dave.
- Why did you tell her, Tim?
230
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:14,784
She's my wife. I have a hard time lying
to her. She made me look her in the eye.
231
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:18,649
Now I have to tell Karen
because if I don't, Jill will.
232
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:21,158
- Probably.
- You have sunk me with Karen.
233
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,127
No, Dave.
You sunk yourself with Karen.
234
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,322
You torpedoed this whole thing
and you tried to drag me into it.
235
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,456
- Don't get all mad at me over this.
- Thanks for the lecture, Tim.
236
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:30,024
Oh, come on, Dave.
Wait. One more question.
237
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:34,061
Is this the high-pull model
with the dual points on there?
238
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:36,869
Come on, Dave. Dave, lighten up.
239
00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:41,135
All right. Thanks.
240
00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:46,010
- No luck?
- I cannot find a distributor anywhere.
241
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:48,246
Of course, Dave's got the one I want,
242
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,345
but he hates me now,
so I won't be getting that one.
243
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:53,414
- That's what I get for being honest.
- You did the right thing, honey.
244
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:58,054
Try to remember that
when you're pushing my hot rod up l-75.
245
00:14:58,130 --> 00:15:01,099
"Honey, we got to pass this truck."
"I'm pushing as hard as I can."
246
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,896
(phone rings)
247
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:05,766
Hello.
248
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,703
Hi, Dave.
249
00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:09,764
Uh-huh.
250
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:13,706
Yeah.
251
00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,974
She did, yeah.
252
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,448
What? That's amazing.
253
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:21,452
Not amazing.
I'm not happy about it, but...
254
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,181
No hard feelings. No.
255
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,255
Oh, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave.
Before you go.
256
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:29,226
Could I have that distributor back?
'Cause I...
257
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:30,990
Dave?
258
00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:35,795
- Well? What happened?
- Karen dumped Dave.
259
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,893
- Well, sure. After the blonde.
- No, no, no, no, no.
260
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:40,564
He didn't even tell her about the blonde.
261
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:42,630
She just said she
didn't want to see him anymore.
262
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:46,701
Really? Good for her.
Well, I guess her instincts were right.
263
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:47,803
Instincts?
264
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,939
Yeah, well, she mentioned
that there were some problems.
265
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,006
You know,
Dave wasn't really there for her.
266
00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:54,143
Wasn't there for her?
He went to the opera with her.
267
00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:58,622
- How much more "there" can a guy be?
- Not that kind of "there."
268
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:01,216
You know, emotionally present.
They weren't connecting.
269
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:04,660
She was thinking about
breaking up with him last week.
270
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:08,359
Wait a minute. You knew
she was going to break up with him?
271
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,597
- No. I knew that she was thinking about it.
- Why didn't you tell me that?
272
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,228
Well, because I didn't know
she was going to do it for sure.
273
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,739
Besides, I promised her I wouldn't.
274
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,675
Well, I promised Dave
I wouldn't tell you about the blonde.
275
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:22,976
Well, it's not my fault
that you can't keep a secret.
276
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,982
I can keep a secret.
277
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:28,417
Well, this wasn't the kind of secret
that you're supposed to keep.
278
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,320
Hold it a minute. Back the truck up.
279
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,090
There's some secrets
that you're supposed to keep,
280
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,184
and other secrets
you're not supposed to keep?
281
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:40,061
- Yeah.
- Is there a book on this somewhere?
282
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,595
Tell you what. If somebody tells you a
secret and you're not sure what kind it is,
283
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,661
tell it to me and then I'll tell you
whether you should keep it or not.
284
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:49,037
(grunts)
285
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:54,240
If you remember the last show, we were
promised a wood-sniffing demonstration
286
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:58,443
by our own Al "Dare to be Dull" Borland.
287
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,377
- Blindfold in place, Al?
- Yes, it is, Tim.
288
00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:04,581
OK. Step into position there.
289
00:17:04,656 --> 00:17:06,419
- Ready?
- Yes.
290
00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:08,483
Aim. Fire.
291
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:15,156
Just checking if you're breathing, Al.
That's all I'm doing.
292
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:18,567
As you can see, I've got our three samples
of wood laid out on the work bench.
293
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,332
I will hand him them now, one at a time,
294
00:17:20,406 --> 00:17:24,365
and he claims he can tell us
what type of wood it is just by smelling it.
295
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:26,377
We shall see.
296
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:29,437
Al Borland, name that wood.
297
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:34,744
(sniffs) Tim, that's hickory.
298
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:45,793
Can you believe it, ladies?
This man's single.
299
00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:51,325
Second sample.
Al Borland, name that wood.
300
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:56,004
- (sniffs) Cedar.
- Ha!
301
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,736
Wait.
302
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,568
(sniffs)
303
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,404
Western red cedar.
304
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:17,092
- You almost messed that one up, Al.
- Well, I'm fighting off a cold, Tim.
305
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,630
Well, this next sample...
306
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,825
(audience laughs)
307
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:25,097
...should be a little bit
more difficult to discern, Al.
308
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:29,698
Might have to take a big old whiff
of this thing to figure out what it is.
309
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,039
Well, I'm up to the challenge, Tim.
310
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,012
I certainly hope so, Al.
311
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:42,152
Al Borland, name that wood. (chuckles)
312
00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:45,917
(sniffs) Ohh! (coughs)
313
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:52,560
Well, it's a hardwood
from the Pacific Northwest.
314
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,997
And... ugh.
315
00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:03,732
Well, it's... This particular piece
seems to have some type of a fungus.
316
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,308
Well, uh... Uh...
317
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:13,374
Let me try this again.
318
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,784
(hyperventilates/sniffs)
319
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,581
- Paagh!
- Ohh!
320
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:31,993
- Here comes Mom.
- (Randy) Come on, cover up the catapult.
321
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,735
What's all this noise out here?
322
00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:42,371
We were just trying to build a fort.
323
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:45,541
Did your dad tell you you could do this?
324
00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:47,642
Yeah. It was his idea.
325
00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,058
Clean it up before you come in.
326
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,565
- No problem.
- OK.
327
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:04,559
Come on.
328
00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:11,042
- Hi.
- Hi.
329
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:17,007
- I was thinking about Karen and Dave.
- Aw, not that again.
330
00:20:17,082 --> 00:20:22,679
Yeah. On the way home tonight,
driving the car, I started to thinking...
331
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:26,080
You owe me an apology.
332
00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:29,020
- Get outta here.
- No.
333
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:32,359
I was more honest about Dave
than you were about Karen.
334
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:35,628
- So you apologize.
- Apologize. Forget it.
335
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,726
We're always supposed to apologize
when we do something wrong.
336
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:39,964
So say you're sorry.
337
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:42,370
Will that make you feel better?
338
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:45,239
- Yes.
- OK. I'm sorry.
339
00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:49,878
Is that it?
(imitates her) "OK. I'm sorry."
340
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:52,877
I'm very, very sorry.
341
00:20:55,220 --> 00:21:00,351
That's pathetic. You'd never let me
get away with an apology like that.
342
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:02,655
- OK.
- Now what?
343
00:21:10,736 --> 00:21:13,432
- Tim.
- Oh, Jeez.
344
00:21:13,505 --> 00:21:17,532
(Southern accent) I wronged you terribly.
345
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:21,204
I'm not fit to carry the name Taylor.
346
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:26,411
From henceforward on, I shall
be known only as "Jill, the wrong one."
347
00:21:26,485 --> 00:21:29,943
Please, please, please, please forgive me.
(makes kissing noises)
348
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:31,649
(normal voice) Hey, what are you doin'?
349
00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:34,055
(Southern accent) Say it like you mean it.
350
00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:37,825
No, because I was not wrong.
351
00:21:37,896 --> 00:21:42,959
- At least 'pologize for your lousy accent.
- Yours was worse.
352
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:44,195
- (normal voice) Was not.
- Was too.
353
00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:45,769
- Was not.
- Was too.
354
00:21:45,837 --> 00:21:47,702
All right.
355
00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:50,742
- Now I must spray you into submission.
- Don't even think about it.
356
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:52,970
It's diet, honey.
357
00:21:56,848 --> 00:22:00,181
- The McGurn boys are in their backyard.
- OK. Brad, hurry up.
358
00:22:00,585 --> 00:22:04,646
- All ready.
- OK. Everybody just stand clear.
359
00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:09,991
Hey, McGurns.
360
00:22:10,062 --> 00:22:11,893
(McGurn boys) Yeah?
361
00:22:11,963 --> 00:22:13,954
Eat garbage.
362
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:19,194
(McGurn boys) Oh! Garbage!
You're in big trouble.
363
00:22:22,474 --> 00:22:23,998
- Just say you're sorry.
- No.
364
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,101
- Just say you're sorry one time.
- No.
365
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:29,011
- Hey. What's this?
- I don't know. They said you knew about it.
366
00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,072
(grunts)
367
00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:35,647
It's so mediaeval looking.
368
00:22:37,255 --> 00:22:40,418
(Southern accent) You can run, but you
can't hide. I know where you live.
369
00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:42,289
(McGurn boys) Hey! Taylors!
370
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:45,057
- What do you want?
- (McGurn boys) Eat this.
371
00:22:50,802 --> 00:22:52,394
- Does that yes mean no?
- No.
372
00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:53,631
What?
373
00:22:53,705 --> 00:22:57,038
- I better call her. I'll just leave a message.
- Come on. Stay out of this. Stay out of this.
374
00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:59,100
- OK. Look.
- (drops phone)
375
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:08,712
(no audio)
376
00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:11,422
- Don't lie to me.
- Don't lie to you.
377
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:14,152
Look me in the eye...