1 00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:04,000 These are some of the best ways to give your garden tools a good spring tune-up. 2 00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,039 - Right, Al? - That's right, but before we go, 3 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:10,338 we'd like to make an announcement I'm sure you all have been waiting for. 4 00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:13,174 Al is a woman trapped in a man's body. 5 00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:19,549 No. I'm sure our audience knows that's not true. 6 00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:20,950 I'm just kidding, Al. 7 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,115 We invited our viewers to vote for their all-time favorite guest here on Tool Time. 8 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,987 and today we'll announce the winner. 9 00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:29,324 That's right. You were able to go down to your local hardware store 10 00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:33,662 and pick up a ballot that listed every single guest we've ever had on Tool Time. 11 00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:37,567 although Bob Vila was left off that list. 12 00:00:38,671 --> 00:00:40,536 Computer error, Al. 13 00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:45,841 Anyway, our three finalists are George Foreman, Mario and Michael Andretti, 14 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:49,848 and Dwayne, from the K&B Construction Company. 15 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:54,018 From our ever-widening audience, we've had thousands of viewers write in. 16 00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:57,386 - Lisa, what's the final count? - 112 postcards, Tim. 17 00:00:57,457 --> 00:01:01,325 Thank you, Lisa. And the winner for the most popular guest here on Tool Time is... 18 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:04,192 (fanfare) 19 00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,664 I got goose bumps, I really do. 20 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,159 What? No. 21 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,639 Mario and Michael Andretti. 22 00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:18,434 (AI stutters) 23 00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:20,775 Tim, that's not what... That's not what it... 24 00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,337 - That's not what it says. - Yes, it does. 25 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,712 - No, it... No, it doesn't. - Yes, it does. 26 00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:25,944 - Does not. - Does too. 27 00:01:27,053 --> 00:01:29,214 Bob Vila. 28 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,854 It can't... It can't be... It cannot be Bob Vila. 29 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,990 It can't be Bob Vila. I erased his name... 30 00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:42,591 Computer error took his name off that list. 31 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:46,765 Well, maybe the viewers did what I did and wrote his name in. 32 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,138 That's what I did. 33 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,677 Write-ins weren't allowed, Lisa. 34 00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,144 - Al told me I could. - He did, did he? 35 00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:56,205 Yes, I did. 36 00:01:57,550 --> 00:02:02,112 So please join us next time when we'll meet our winning guest, Bob Vila. 37 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:05,749 So popular that, even though he was deliberately left off the ballot, 38 00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:08,191 won with a write-in campaign. 39 00:02:08,261 --> 00:02:09,751 So join us next time on Tool Time. 40 00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:13,094 when Bob and Al discuss how to remove crusty food from their beards. 41 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:15,566 See you next time on Tool Time 42 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,033 (Jill) Well, what do you think? Could we put the kids in the middle? 43 00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:37,441 Jill, this is unbelievable. I've never won anything before. 44 00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:39,542 A day of beauty for two at Adriana's. 45 00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:44,818 It is so great that it is for two. Can you imagine a whole day of being pampered? 46 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,984 What? Tim doesn't pamper you? 47 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,085 Yeah, right. 48 00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:54,361 Tim's idea of pampering me is to wear his pants to breakfast. 49 00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,028 (oven timer dings) 50 00:03:57,103 --> 00:04:00,095 Jill, are Brad and Randy planning to do some gardening? 51 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,198 Hey! Hey, guys! 52 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,638 Where are you going with that shovel and that rake? 53 00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:10,274 - Nowhere. - Don't go near the cemetery again. 54 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,840 Cemetery? 55 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,182 Yeah. Last week they dug a hole near the cemetery wall, 56 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,951 and told Mark that one of the bodies escaped. 57 00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:22,927 We're just going down to the creek to build a dam. 58 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,590 Forget the dam, beaver boy. 59 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:28,156 - Lose the shovel. Lose the rake. - Aw, man. 60 00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:31,362 Now, listen, if you guys get back before Karen and I do, go to Wilson's. 61 00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,997 Mark's gonna be over at Billy's. 62 00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:36,735 - Morning, Tim. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 63 00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:41,075 Ah, it's nice to see that Tim is his usual charming, bubbling self. 64 00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:44,674 Oh, ignore him. He's always in a snit when Bob Vila's on the show. 65 00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:48,710 Isn't he the guy that has that national tool show that Tim ripped off? 66 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,881 Don't start, Karen, please. 67 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:54,017 All I've heard all week long is, "Bob Vila this, Bob Vila that." 68 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,425 - What does Bob Vila have that I don't? - High ratings. 69 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,487 - Fans. - Big salary. 70 00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:03,935 - Are you through? - Oh, pookie. We're just kidding. 71 00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:07,666 Remember, you have something to be proud of that Bob Vila does not have. 72 00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:09,833 - Oh, yeah. What? - Al. 73 00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,776 (giggles) 74 00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:15,109 Normally I would have seen that coming. 75 00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:17,741 I'm very vulnerable right now. 76 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,617 Tim, you're so tense. Maybe you should come and pamper yourself at Adriana's. 77 00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:24,657 Yeah, yeah. They have manicures and pedicures for men. 78 00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:27,249 Let me tell you two gals something. 79 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,352 Men don't let other people touch their feet. 80 00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:35,026 A real man clips his own toenails and flicks them in his wife's hair. 81 00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:38,694 Does everybody know what time it is? 82 00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:40,636 Tool Time! 83 00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:47,112 That's right. Binford Tools is proud to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. 84 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:54,483 Thank you, Lisa. Welcome to Tool Time I'm your host, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. 85 00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,784 You all know my assistant, Al. 86 00:05:56,856 --> 00:06:00,986 - Well, Tim. This is the big day. - It sure is. We get to that subfloor. Ooh. 87 00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,585 I don't think that's why the audience is watching today. 88 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,654 I'm sure that, like me, they're all excited 89 00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:09,133 about seeing our favorite-guest-contest winner. 90 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,534 Aren't we all, Al. Aren't we all. 91 00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:14,732 - Now, the subfloor will start... - Tim. 92 00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:17,935 Why don't we introduce our favorite guest? 93 00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:21,138 Why not? Our favorite guest is someone a few of you may know... 94 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,012 I think we all know Bob and love him. 95 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,809 Are we gonna have to hose you down, Al? 96 00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:33,687 Let me introduce the paterfamilias of home repair, Mr. Bob Vila. 97 00:06:36,829 --> 00:06:39,559 Thank you. Thanks for that warm welcome. 98 00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:42,601 Mr. Vila, I just want you to know I'm one of your biggest fans. 99 00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:45,330 In my opinion, you've completely redefined television home repair. 100 00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,462 Lisa. 101 00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:48,939 Right. 102 00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:50,669 - Good to have you here again, Bob. - Thanks. 103 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:54,235 - That goes double for me. - Thanks, Al. It's always good to see you. 104 00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:57,248 I was so thrilled to find out I was picked your favorite guest here. 105 00:06:57,316 --> 00:07:01,776 Well, I encouraged a lot of people to vote for you. 106 00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:03,481 Bob, why don't you take a seat right here? 107 00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:06,047 Now, a lot of people think there's a big rivalry between Bob and I, 108 00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,956 but actually there's a lot of mutual respect between us. Right, Bob? 109 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:10,461 Absolutely, Jim. 110 00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:12,997 It's Tim. 111 00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:17,126 I was just pulling your leg, buddy. Just kidding. 112 00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:23,639 I don't... I don't know if we can have Bob on the show anymore. 113 00:07:23,709 --> 00:07:27,076 My... my sides are about to split. 114 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,307 Al, you've got a wonderful sense of humor. 115 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,873 Doesn't he, though? 116 00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:36,254 Well, you know, Bob is also here to promote one of my favorite charities. 117 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:40,349 The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Flannel. 118 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:44,260 Actually, Tim, I'm supporting the Metropolitan Detroit Children's Fund. 119 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,661 I'm just pulling your leg, actually. 120 00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:48,461 It's a wonderful charity and I bet they're excited that you're their chairperson. 121 00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:51,094 I understand that you're working on a lawn mower race. 122 00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:54,105 That's right. And I'm having a tough time getting some competition. 123 00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:58,940 Well, you know, Bob, Tim has a very powerful lawn mower. 124 00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:02,904 I tweaked out my lawn mower at home and dumped a big motor in it. 125 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,507 Mine isn't homemade. 126 00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,053 I actually had mine designed and built by professionals. 127 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,883 Yeah? Well, I... 128 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:13,392 I dumped a 300cc Harley with a special cam in it. 129 00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:17,088 That sounds like the junior model. Bob here put in a 410. 130 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,563 - Good for Bob. - Bad for you. 131 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:23,966 I've got an elongated throttle. I've actually been clocked at 42 miles per hour. 132 00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,901 (both) 42? 133 00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:27,963 - You have a lawn mower that goes 42? - Yeah. 134 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,100 Well, Bob, I think it's time to kick some grass. 135 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,804 What do you say? Are you up to the challenge? 136 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:36,872 To... I... You know... Yeah, why not? Sure, I'll race you. 137 00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:40,077 - Great. - Sure. That'll be good. A lot of fun. 138 00:08:40,152 --> 00:08:41,949 (Tim) For charity. 139 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,650 Well, Tim, I just hope you're not a poor loser. 140 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:48,751 Al, I think the audience knows just what kind of loser I am. 141 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,762 Experienced. 142 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,095 - (Jill) Tim! - Yeah. Out here. 143 00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:57,032 Timmy! 144 00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:03,807 I thought you guys were going to that spa. 145 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:07,606 We've been there six hours. 146 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,546 - You look fabulous. - Thank you. 147 00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,208 Come to the garage. I'll show you something. 148 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,776 - Time for the unveiling. Come on. - Unveiling of what? 149 00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:19,086 - What are you up to now? - Prepare to be amazed, girls. 150 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,527 I'm amazed. 151 00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:26,156 - You like it? - Like it? I hate it. 152 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,223 - What is it? - What is it? 153 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:33,705 It's a riding lawn mower with a jet engine off a Chinook helicopter. 154 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:40,473 Are you out of your mind? You put a jet engine on a lawn mower? 155 00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:43,413 No, but thanks for thinking I could. 156 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:47,350 I borrowed this. It's on loan from the US Lawn Mower Racing Association. 157 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,445 Why would anyone do this? 158 00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:53,016 Think about it. You got riding lawn mower, you got jet engine. 159 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:56,926 Sooner or later, somebody was gonna put 'em together. 160 00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:59,464 Tell me you're not gonna race this thing. 161 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,899 Technically it won't be a race. It's just an exhibition with... 162 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:05,938 - Bob Vila. - I should have known. 163 00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:08,667 Whenever Bob Vila's on the show, you turn everything into a competition. 164 00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:11,335 - Jill, this is for charity. - No, it's not. It's to compete. 165 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:14,777 Honey, this is no competition. This is gonna be a slaughter. 166 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:18,305 I'll be at the finish line and Bob Vila will be back there at the starting post 167 00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:21,842 picking mulch out of his beard. "See you, Bobby." 168 00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:27,086 - How fast does this thing go? - Right now, this gearing, about 62. 169 00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:30,526 But if I regear it, 94 I'll get out of it. 170 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:35,858 And after they pry you out of this with the crowbar, I'll turn to the crowd and say: 171 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:40,269 "He was a nice man, a good man, but not a bright man." 172 00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:46,201 Honey, this'll mow a football field in 11 seconds. 173 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,742 Hi, guys. Where did you go? 174 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:54,217 We went down to the creek and caught some tadpoles. 175 00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:55,947 Why didn't you come and get me? 176 00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:58,286 We looked all over and we couldn't find you. 177 00:10:58,357 --> 00:10:59,881 I was in my room. 178 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:03,554 Boy, Brad. The one place we didn't look. 179 00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:06,393 Why don't you take me anywhere with you guys? 180 00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:08,592 It's because you always rat on us. 181 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,728 - Promise I won't rat on you again. - Oh, really? 182 00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:14,637 Hey, Brad. Maybe we should make him take the test. 183 00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:18,074 - Yeah, the test. - What test? 184 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,339 The tadpole secrecy test. 185 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,971 What's that? 186 00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:25,415 You have to put a live tadpole in your mouth. 187 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,577 Ew! No way! 188 00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:32,218 OK, fine. But then you don't get to come to the creek with us and build a raft. 189 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,781 See ya. 190 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,417 Wait. 191 00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:39,364 How long do I have to hold it in my mouth? 192 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:42,265 - Three seconds. - Three whole seconds? 193 00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:46,566 - I told you he'd be a chicken. - I'm not chicken. 194 00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,536 I'll do it. 195 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,880 Buddy, come here. 196 00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:01,647 Now, close your eyes. Open your mouth. 197 00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:08,316 - Ooh, yeah, a nice slimy one. - You'd better watch out. He's really wiggly. 198 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:12,262 Here he comes. Closer, closer. 199 00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:14,697 One thousand one. 200 00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,997 One thousand two. 201 00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,902 - One thousand three. - You did it. 202 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,550 Mark, you weren't supposed to swallow the tadpole. 203 00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:35,484 What's gonna happen? 204 00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:40,719 Well, it's gonna swim around inside you and grow into a frog. 205 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,188 - Ribbit, ribbit. - Shut up, Brad! 206 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:49,758 Hey, Mark. I wouldn't drink any water. Might make it grow faster. 207 00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,632 I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad on you. 208 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:55,435 Oh, yeah, like Mom and Dad are gonna believe that we made you eat a tadpole. 209 00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,135 Brad... 210 00:12:57,209 --> 00:13:00,007 I wouldn't use that argument. 211 00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,808 (Mark) Mom! 212 00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,640 Mom! 213 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,050 - Mom! - What is it? What is it? What's the matter? 214 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,520 Brad and Randy made me eat a tadpole. 215 00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:13,285 - A what? - A tadpole. 216 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,850 - Where are they? - They ran away. 217 00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:19,728 - Well, Mark, you're gonna be fine. - I'll get you a glass of water. 218 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,290 No! Not water! 219 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,227 OK. 220 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:28,731 - It's turning into a frog. - No, it isn't, honey. 221 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,276 This thing can't possibly survive inside of your stomach. 222 00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:35,109 Look, you're just gonna digest it like a piece of fruit. 223 00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:37,206 - You sure? - I'm positive. 224 00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:40,548 You're just gonna poop that thing right out. 225 00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:46,080 Now, just go outside and play. Listen, eating a tadpole's no big deal. 226 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,559 Aaargh! Gross! That is so gross. 227 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:52,358 Can you imagine having that slimy thing swimming around inside your stomach? 228 00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:55,025 - I know. Yuck! - I can't believe that they did this. 229 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,362 - Oh, it's so gross. - What happened? 230 00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,962 Brad and Randy made Mark eat a tadpole. 231 00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:03,234 (laughs) 232 00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:08,103 This is not funny. It's a terrible thing to do. 233 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:11,115 Oh, come on. They're boys. What's the big deal? 234 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,549 When I was little, I made one of my brothers eat spaghetti. 235 00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:16,383 - It had an earthworm in it. - Oh, Tim. Please. 236 00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:21,290 Steve didn't even know it was in there until one of the noodles tried to crawl back out. 237 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,487 It was great. Oh, he paid me back. 238 00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:25,757 He made me eat my mashed potatoes with a big cockroach in there. 239 00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:27,458 Oh! Tim! 240 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:31,367 Oh, quit ohing. They're good. They're crunchy. They're not bad. 241 00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:39,301 What's that smell? 242 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,744 It's clam chowder... 243 00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:47,411 - Mushrooms, raisin and little bits of liver. - Ugh! 244 00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:51,183 I want Brad and Randy to think it's tadpole soup. 245 00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:55,154 That's disgusting - I love it. 246 00:14:56,095 --> 00:15:01,192 I'm just going with the flow. Go out and tell them that the soup is on. 247 00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,428 (sinister laugh) 248 00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:08,535 Brad! Randy! Hustle up. Dinnertime. 249 00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:12,236 - Hi-ho, neighbor. - Hi there, Wilson. 250 00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:14,302 You missed a snip. 251 00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:16,245 Mm-hm. 252 00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:19,079 I bet you can't guess what I've got in my garage. 253 00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:20,584 Well, just off the top of my head, 254 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:25,317 I'd say a small riding lawn mower with a jet engine attached. 255 00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:26,858 (grunts) 256 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,689 Mark told me. 257 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:33,289 Think about it, Wilson. I'll be driving the fastest riding lawn mower on earth. 258 00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:35,094 Uh-huh, uh-huh-huh-huh. 259 00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:38,694 I'm gonna be a lawn-mowing legend. (barks) 260 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:43,231 Well, Tim. It sounds to me like you're dealing with hubris. 261 00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:46,005 Hubris? What's that in English? 262 00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:49,411 It is English. It means "excessive pride." 263 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:52,578 Oh, yeah, I got that. (grunts) 264 00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:57,520 - Not necessarily a good thing. - I don't have that. I don't want it. 265 00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:00,717 I'm just in this lawn-mowing competition with Bob Vila. 266 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,455 Mm. Nothing like the rousing spirit of competition. 267 00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:06,020 Yeah. Jill and Karen think it's a stupid idea. 268 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:09,295 Well, Tim, competition can be a very healthy thing. 269 00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:11,427 That's what I think. I think competition inspires men - 270 00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:14,495 challenges us to build the biggest building, the fastest missile, 271 00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:18,236 the most absorbent bathroom tissue. (barks) 272 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,574 Competition brings out the best in product. 273 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:24,275 - You're darn right. - But sometimes the worst in men. 274 00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,250 (grunts) 275 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:30,721 - Hey, guys. I was just looking for you. - Hey, Dad. 276 00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:34,350 - We're really sorry. - Sorry about what? 277 00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:37,361 - Didn't you talk to Mark? - No. 278 00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:41,763 - Oh. Then we're sorry we're late for dinner. - All right. Your mom's got it ready for you. 279 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,825 Take those muddy shoes off before you get in the house. 280 00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:45,096 All right. 281 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,565 Tim, would the boys be in trouble? 282 00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:50,039 Big trouble. They made Mark eat a tadpole, 283 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:53,272 so Jill's making them think they're having tadpole soup. 284 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:56,337 Mm-hm. Well, if you want to try the real thing, 285 00:16:56,415 --> 00:17:00,249 why don't you come over to my house on Saturday night? 286 00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:03,447 Well, hello, Brad and Randy. 287 00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:05,217 Hi, Mom. 288 00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:08,384 - Where's Mark? - He's upstairs, playing. 289 00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:12,328 - Is he OK? - Yeah. He's fine. Why do you ask? 290 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:15,458 No reason. Just because we love him. 291 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,603 - Hope you're hungry. - Oh, yeah. 292 00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:23,800 Oh. Guess I'm done with this now. 293 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:27,175 - That had our tadpoles in it. - Not anymore. 294 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:30,704 - Soup, anyone? - What's up, guys? 295 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:33,251 - Hi, Mom. - Is Mark eating this? 296 00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:35,878 No, that's just for you. I'm having ice cream. 297 00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:38,115 Oh, sweetie, it's right over there. 298 00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:41,921 Well, hi. I've got the soup for the boys all ready. You want some? 299 00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:46,658 - Well, what's in it? - Oh, a tad of this, tad of that. 300 00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,795 Sounds a tad too rich for me. 301 00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:54,703 Oh, I get it. You want us to think the tadpoles are in the soup. 302 00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:57,765 Now why would your mother do something like that? 303 00:17:57,843 --> 00:17:59,674 Come on, dig in. 304 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,578 - Come on, Randy. This is just a big bluff. - Yeah. 305 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:05,310 Come on, boys. Hop to it. 306 00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:17,352 You know, it does taste kind of weird. 307 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:20,364 Yeah, but there's no way it's tadpoles. 308 00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:23,492 Oh, I guess I can't fool you guys. 309 00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:24,661 Ooh! 310 00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:27,330 Well, what is this? 311 00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:29,397 (boys scream) 312 00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:32,976 Yeah! 313 00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:36,572 It's just a rubber frog. How did that feel? 314 00:18:36,648 --> 00:18:39,048 Next time you feel like pulling something, maybe you'll remember 315 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:44,215 that I see all, hear all, and know all that goes on in this house. Do you understand? 316 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,950 We're sorry. 317 00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:49,790 OK. Now I'll fix your real dinner. 318 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:54,265 Honey, please. I think you've punished them enough. 319 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,891 (frog croaks) 320 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,904 Here we go, everybody. Stand by. 321 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:13,247 In five, four, three, two... 322 00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:15,183 (theme music) 323 00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:20,223 Hi. Welcome to this special edition of Tool Time 324 00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:23,659 I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. You know my assistant, Al. 325 00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:27,927 We're here at beautiful Memorial Park, ready for the big race with Bob Vila. 326 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,060 I've got this little helmet-cam, so you'll all see exactly what I see. 327 00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:33,400 Hey, Bob. Who do you think is going to win the race, huh? 328 00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:36,407 It's for charity, Tim. The real winners are the children. 329 00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:39,308 Of course they are, Bob. The winners are the kids. 330 00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:43,542 In second place, me. In a distant third, Bob. 331 00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:48,509 - Oh, boy. - What are you doing, Tim? 332 00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:51,522 Trying to show the folks at home if there's any critters crawling around in your beard. 333 00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:54,787 Well, I think we're about ready to go. Gentlemen, if you'll take your places. 334 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,851 OK. 335 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,465 - Good luck, Tim. - Thank you, Al. 336 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,933 - Bob, good luck. - Thank you, Al. 337 00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:07,335 - What is that? - Just a little old engine, Bob. 338 00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:13,100 Gentlemen, start your engines. 339 00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:15,339 (dramatic music) 340 00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:29,754 Ready. 341 00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:31,386 One. 342 00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:32,521 Two. 343 00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:34,429 Three. 344 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:40,364 - Nice mower, Bob. - Thanks, Tim. 345 00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:44,273 I'd love to sit and chat, but I gotta run. 346 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,609 Oh, boy! Whoa! Whoa! 347 00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:51,308 Look out, buddy! Look out. Look out. Look out! 348 00:20:57,022 --> 00:20:58,455 (screams) 349 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,895 (screams) 350 00:21:10,802 --> 00:21:12,565 (screams) 351 00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:19,102 Yeah, thanks, Officer. I'll make sure I get those tickets for Tool Time for you. 352 00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:21,543 You bet. 353 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,945 So... how was your day? 354 00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:26,145 Well... 355 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:30,484 When I heard on the news that there was a lawn mower 356 00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:33,547 running amuck down l-96, 357 00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:37,891 with a police helicopter in hot pursuit, 358 00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:40,955 I thought to myself, "Could this be my husband?" 359 00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:44,298 - Are you all right? - Pretty good chance of that. I'm all right. 360 00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:46,929 There's good news and bad news. The bad news is... 361 00:21:47,005 --> 00:21:50,202 I got a ticket and they impounded the lawn mower. 362 00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:52,971 - What's the good news? - Good news is... 363 00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:55,946 I mowed 40 lawns and made 186 bucks. 364 00:22:00,752 --> 00:22:02,379 What is this thing? 365 00:22:02,454 --> 00:22:05,685 This thing is a helmet-cam, so you could see my perspective during the race. 366 00:22:05,757 --> 00:22:09,818 I might add that you're looking pretty nice, honey. 367 00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:12,056 Thank you. 368 00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:15,463 - Where are the boys? - Across the street. 369 00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:22,234 - So we're alone, huh? - Don't even think about it, Tim. 370 00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:24,605 Come here, woman. Come here! 371 00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,013 (screams) 372 00:22:57,776 --> 00:23:00,836 (announcer) Jonathan Taylor Thomas! 373 00:23:03,582 --> 00:23:06,676 Zachery Ty Bryan! A big hand for Zachery! 374 00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:12,651 The fantastic Patricia Richardson! 375 00:23:14,493 --> 00:23:18,327 And Mr. Tim Allen! Right down here, Tim Allen. 376 00:23:20,532 --> 00:23:24,969 There we go. Give everybody a big round of applause!