1
00:00:03,223 --> 00:00:05,257
You want your bedroom
the color of a football.
2
00:00:05,258 --> 00:00:07,259
Your wife wants it
the color of a daisy.
3
00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:10,029
What color
do you prefer, men?
Football!
4
00:00:10,030 --> 00:00:11,497
Hey, hey!
Daisy.
5
00:00:12,866 --> 00:00:14,700
(cheering)
6
00:00:16,803 --> 00:00:19,972
Well, tim, I like my bedroom
to be light and airy.
7
00:00:22,208 --> 00:00:24,476
Just like al.
8
00:00:24,477 --> 00:00:26,612
We're going to paint the bedroom
the color of a football.
9
00:00:26,613 --> 00:00:28,781
Now, how do we match
this color perfectly?
10
00:00:28,782 --> 00:00:31,717
We use the binford
250 paint boy.
Right.
11
00:00:31,718 --> 00:00:34,286
It mixes the color
and analyzes the pigments.
12
00:00:34,287 --> 00:00:38,024
Would that be
the three little pigments?
13
00:00:38,025 --> 00:00:39,558
No, tim, it wouldn't.
14
00:00:39,559 --> 00:00:41,761
Sure it would.
Take your football,
15
00:00:41,762 --> 00:00:45,364
Set it underneath
the electric eye,
press your color key,
16
00:00:45,365 --> 00:00:48,668
And boom -
we've got ourselves
touchdown brown.
17
00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:51,103
And this works with more
than just footballs.
18
00:00:51,104 --> 00:00:53,205
You can duplicate
any of your favorite colors.
19
00:00:53,206 --> 00:00:54,473
That's right.
20
00:00:54,474 --> 00:00:59,178
Antifreeze green,
roadkill gray... Oh.
21
00:00:59,179 --> 00:01:02,181
Smash-your-thumb-
with-a-hammer purple.
22
00:01:02,182 --> 00:01:04,349
But today, we develop a color
just for tool time -
23
00:01:04,350 --> 00:01:06,052
The color al.
24
00:01:07,554 --> 00:01:08,688
Excuse me, tim?
25
00:01:08,689 --> 00:01:10,690
I'm gonna make a color
out of you.
26
00:01:10,691 --> 00:01:13,525
You'll be bigger
than fuchsia.
27
00:01:13,526 --> 00:01:15,427
This is
absolutely ridiculous.
28
00:01:15,428 --> 00:01:17,730
Let's show 'em
what the machine can do.
Play along, al.
29
00:01:17,731 --> 00:01:19,765
That's not what
the machine...
30
00:01:19,766 --> 00:01:22,034
Al, just put your finger
in there.
31
00:01:22,035 --> 00:01:23,635
There you go.
32
00:01:23,636 --> 00:01:25,204
Ok.
33
00:01:27,808 --> 00:01:30,776
One part pasty white,
two parts flannel. Ok.
34
00:01:33,847 --> 00:01:35,581
I don't wanna be a color.
35
00:01:35,582 --> 00:01:38,818
Neither did red,
and look how well
things turned out for him.
36
00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:43,756
Computer's in.
All right.
37
00:01:43,757 --> 00:01:46,726
(burbling)
oh, yeah.
38
00:01:46,727 --> 00:01:51,697
Now we got a bucket of al,
and I'm ready to paint
with big al here. Ok.
39
00:01:51,698 --> 00:01:55,768
Of course, al is economical
in the gallon size here.
40
00:01:55,769 --> 00:01:58,470
Al goes on smooth,
just like that.
41
00:02:25,132 --> 00:02:27,599
The al paint can be cleaned up
with soap and water.
42
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,302
Unlike the real al,
which needs turpentine
and a wire brush.
43
00:02:32,739 --> 00:02:35,775
For larger jobs -
industrial buildings
and warehouses -
44
00:02:35,776 --> 00:02:38,644
We suggest a roller
and a couple of gallons
of al's mom.
45
00:03:51,751 --> 00:03:54,186
What do you think? Could we
put the kids in the middle?
46
00:03:58,825 --> 00:04:01,393
Hey, tim.
Hey, joe. What's up?
47
00:04:01,394 --> 00:04:03,395
Hey,
what are you doin'?
48
00:04:03,396 --> 00:04:05,898
Taking my hot rod apart.
49
00:04:05,899 --> 00:04:08,300
Didn't you just
put this thing together?
Or am I nuts?
50
00:04:08,301 --> 00:04:10,469
Bingo on both counts.
51
00:04:12,038 --> 00:04:13,839
I'm taking it apart
piece by piece,
52
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,108
Send it to my paint guy -
fred axleby.
53
00:04:16,109 --> 00:04:18,710
Should be all ready to go
in two months.
54
00:04:18,711 --> 00:04:21,347
Two months? I got
a paint guy who'll
spray it in one hour.
55
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:23,548
You don't even have to
get out of the car.
56
00:04:24,951 --> 00:04:27,753
In one hour?
Will he develop my film?
57
00:04:27,754 --> 00:04:32,157
Oh. Sorry. So,
is marie over here?
58
00:04:32,158 --> 00:04:34,193
She and jill are in
looking at dresses
59
00:04:34,194 --> 00:04:36,195
For that library
fund-raiser thing.
60
00:04:36,196 --> 00:04:38,764
Which is why
I'm in the garage.
61
00:04:38,765 --> 00:04:41,466
Women and clothes! Why
do they make such a big deal
out of what they wear?
62
00:04:41,467 --> 00:04:43,335
It's important.
63
00:04:43,336 --> 00:04:47,039
In my case, I'm thinking about
a three-piece pin-striped
blue suit
64
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,774
With tasseled loafers.
65
00:04:48,775 --> 00:04:50,675
But I'll almost certain
I'm gonna go with
66
00:04:50,676 --> 00:04:52,677
The off-the-shoulder
taffeta gown with the pumps.
67
00:04:52,678 --> 00:04:54,813
Can't. That's what
I'm wearing.
68
00:04:54,814 --> 00:04:57,816
I'll go with the sling-backs.
That's a good look for you.
69
00:04:57,817 --> 00:04:59,051
Ok.
70
00:04:59,052 --> 00:05:02,388
Ohh.
That is beautiful!
71
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:06,725
I don't know.
It is really expensive.
72
00:05:06,726 --> 00:05:10,229
Oh, god!
Even my butt looks good.
73
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:15,000
Come on, jill. You know
you deserve this dress.
74
00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:17,069
The library
is halfway at its goal
because of you.
75
00:05:17,070 --> 00:05:19,405
Why else do you think
we're having a dinner
in your honor?
76
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:22,474
No, I can't. I don't even know
if I can sit down in this thing.
77
00:05:22,475 --> 00:05:25,710
So what?
It's a buffet.
78
00:05:25,711 --> 00:05:27,646
Hey, hon. Hey, jill.
(jill) hi, joe.
79
00:05:27,647 --> 00:05:30,416
Tim, how sensational
does jill look in this dress?
80
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,151
Wow!
81
00:05:32,152 --> 00:05:34,486
She looks good.
I've always liked her
in that dress.
82
00:05:36,589 --> 00:05:39,724
Tim, this is brand-new.
You've never seen it before.
83
00:05:39,725 --> 00:05:42,694
On you.
I've seen it.
84
00:05:42,695 --> 00:05:45,530
Al's got that dress.
85
00:05:45,531 --> 00:05:48,500
Tim, tell her
to forget about the money
and buy the dress, please.
86
00:05:50,603 --> 00:05:54,006
Honey, buy the dress.
You never do anything
nice for yourself.
87
00:05:54,007 --> 00:05:55,341
You know how you are.
88
00:05:55,342 --> 00:05:57,376
What do you mean?
How am I?
89
00:05:57,377 --> 00:05:59,979
You're... Tight, thrifty,
cheap, cheap-o.
90
00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:02,747
I am not cheap!
I'm... Frugal.
91
00:06:02,748 --> 00:06:05,184
Frugal? You save
pickle juice.
92
00:06:05,185 --> 00:06:08,354
I re-use it
in the tuna fish.
93
00:06:08,355 --> 00:06:11,590
If you like the dress, buy it.
We'll save money some other way.
94
00:06:11,591 --> 00:06:14,159
We won't feed the kids
for a couple of months.
95
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,496
Hey, I got a dress guy
who'll get you the same thing
for half.
96
00:06:17,497 --> 00:06:19,731
No. Really? For half?
Mm-hmm.
97
00:06:19,732 --> 00:06:21,766
Not a knockoff?
Not a second?
98
00:06:21,767 --> 00:06:24,103
The same exact dress.
It's completely
on the up and up.
99
00:06:24,104 --> 00:06:26,972
Wow. Ok.
What's his name?
100
00:06:26,973 --> 00:06:29,208
Can't say.
101
00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:30,509
Well, what's his number?
102
00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:32,944
No, you don't call him.
He calls you.
103
00:06:32,945 --> 00:06:37,582
And when he calls,
you say, "the swallows
fly... At midnight."
104
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,055
No, really. Is this on
the up and up? You swear?
105
00:06:43,056 --> 00:06:46,791
I guarantee it.
I've known the guy for years.
I'll have him call you tomorrow.
106
00:06:46,792 --> 00:06:50,695
Great. Ok. But make sure,
because I gotta have this
by the end of the week.
107
00:06:50,696 --> 00:06:54,166
There's the designer,
this is the dress size.
Don't tell anybody.
108
00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:57,602
I'd better get this off
before I do something to it.
See you later, marie.
109
00:06:57,603 --> 00:06:59,604
And thank you, joe!
Sure.
110
00:06:59,605 --> 00:07:01,606
Tim, the photo lab called.
111
00:07:01,607 --> 00:07:03,742
They said you didn't
bring in the picture yet.
112
00:07:03,743 --> 00:07:05,477
Picture?
113
00:07:05,478 --> 00:07:08,080
The picture of jill
you were supposed to
bring in three weeks ago.
114
00:07:08,081 --> 00:07:09,814
Picture?
115
00:07:09,815 --> 00:07:11,816
The one we're gonna blow up
and have everyone sign
at the dinner.
116
00:07:11,817 --> 00:07:13,552
The picture.
117
00:07:13,553 --> 00:07:15,587
You gotta get it
to the photo lab by six
118
00:07:15,588 --> 00:07:17,456
If we're gonna have it
on Saturday night.
119
00:07:17,457 --> 00:07:20,692
No problem.
All right.
You know, it's 5:30 now.
120
00:07:20,693 --> 00:07:24,196
Big problem.
Huge problem. I know.
121
00:07:24,197 --> 00:07:28,133
I can't believe the dress
isn't here yet. We have to
be there in 25 minutes.
122
00:07:28,134 --> 00:07:30,569
Why did I ever get involved
with joe's dress guy?
123
00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:33,272
Because you're frugal.
(jill sighs)
124
00:07:33,273 --> 00:07:35,907
You should never have let me
return that dress.
125
00:07:35,908 --> 00:07:38,377
I tried to talk you into
buying the dress.
126
00:07:38,378 --> 00:07:40,812
Don't argue with me now,
please.
127
00:07:40,813 --> 00:07:42,847
We've got to get out of here.
Come on. You look great.
128
00:07:42,848 --> 00:07:44,950
I'm wearing a bathrobe!
129
00:07:44,951 --> 00:07:46,952
Put on some slippers.
Let's go.
130
00:07:46,953 --> 00:07:50,222
Wait. Why don't you wear
that slinky blue dress
that's low-cut...
131
00:07:50,223 --> 00:07:52,224
I don't have a blue dress.
132
00:07:52,225 --> 00:07:54,226
Then who was that?
133
00:07:54,227 --> 00:07:57,596
Oh, I remember.
Oh, ho-ho!
134
00:07:57,597 --> 00:07:58,663
(doorbell rings)
135
00:07:58,664 --> 00:08:00,332
Oh, good.
He's finally here.
136
00:08:03,303 --> 00:08:05,537
Oh, no. It's just al.
137
00:08:05,538 --> 00:08:08,006
It's not exactly
"glad to see you,"
but I'll take it.
138
00:08:08,007 --> 00:08:10,476
Sorry. It's just that
I'm waiting for somebody.
139
00:08:10,477 --> 00:08:12,377
Well, you look great.
140
00:08:12,378 --> 00:08:15,947
I'm wearing a robe.
Doesn't anybody notice?
I'm wearing a robe!
141
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:19,251
Hey, guys.
Hey, al!
142
00:08:19,252 --> 00:08:21,987
All right! Yeah! Hey!
143
00:08:21,988 --> 00:08:24,356
I got a big evening planned
for us tonight.
144
00:08:24,357 --> 00:08:26,758
Can we go see
blood-sucking vampires
from mars?
145
00:08:26,759 --> 00:08:29,628
No, you're not
seeing that movie.
Why not?
146
00:08:29,629 --> 00:08:32,097
I wanna see that
as a family.
147
00:08:32,098 --> 00:08:34,600
No, we're not gonna
go see a movie tonight.
148
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:37,869
I thought we'd do something
a little more interactive.
149
00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:41,673
How does... Miniature golf
at the putt putt panorama
sound?
150
00:08:41,674 --> 00:08:44,876
Hey, cool! They have
an awesome video arcade.
151
00:08:44,877 --> 00:08:46,211
No, no, no!
152
00:08:46,212 --> 00:08:48,247
You don't go to putt putt
to play video games.
153
00:08:48,248 --> 00:08:51,983
You go there for one thing
and one thing only -
miniature golf.
154
00:08:51,984 --> 00:08:53,285
All right! Let's go!
155
00:08:53,286 --> 00:08:56,921
I don't know.
I'd rather see a movie.
156
00:08:56,922 --> 00:08:59,558
Yeah. I wanna see
the nuttiest raccoon.
157
00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:01,560
The nuttiest raccoon?
158
00:09:01,561 --> 00:09:04,996
Trust me, mark, it's
a big disappointment.
He was not that nutty.
159
00:09:07,166 --> 00:09:09,568
I can't believe
I had to wear this dress.
160
00:09:09,569 --> 00:09:11,570
Everybody's seen it.
I've worn it a thousand times.
161
00:09:11,571 --> 00:09:13,738
I've taken it in, out,
up, down...
162
00:09:13,739 --> 00:09:15,740
Jill, I'm really sorry
about this.
163
00:09:15,741 --> 00:09:17,643
But you'll be happy to know
that, as of this minute,
164
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:19,645
I'm getting
a new dress guy.
165
00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:22,981
Joe, don't take this
the wrong way, but...
I have to kill you.
166
00:09:22,982 --> 00:09:25,517
Honey, honey.
167
00:09:25,518 --> 00:09:29,488
The parking-lot attendant
loved this dress. He said
his mom's got one like it.
168
00:09:29,489 --> 00:09:31,523
Marie, come with me.
I gotta go fix my face.
169
00:09:31,524 --> 00:09:32,524
Good idea.
170
00:09:34,126 --> 00:09:36,328
Not that... There's
nothing wrong with...
171
00:09:36,329 --> 00:09:38,697
I didn't...
There's no reason...
172
00:09:38,698 --> 00:09:40,699
Boy, your wife
is really steamed.
173
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:43,168
Welcome to my world.
174
00:09:43,169 --> 00:09:45,204
There's jill's picture.
175
00:09:45,205 --> 00:09:48,106
I'll write something
nice on it. Maybe she
won't be so mad at me.
176
00:10:01,654 --> 00:10:03,955
That's the picture
you picked out?
177
00:10:03,956 --> 00:10:07,359
It looked a lot better
on her driver's license,
I'll tell you that.
178
00:10:09,061 --> 00:10:11,062
You blew up
her driver's license?
179
00:10:11,063 --> 00:10:13,632
It's all I could find.
She hid all the photo albums.
180
00:10:13,633 --> 00:10:15,634
Oh, boy, are you
in trouble.
181
00:10:15,635 --> 00:10:18,002
No. I'm dead.
182
00:10:18,003 --> 00:10:21,673
I'm past dead.
I'm deader than dead.
183
00:10:21,674 --> 00:10:24,409
You know, but
the good news is,
I'm off the hook.
184
00:10:26,846 --> 00:10:28,847
I'm gonna get
something to eat.
185
00:10:32,485 --> 00:10:34,919
Honey, honey. You don't
wanna go in there.
186
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,021
Why not?
187
00:10:37,022 --> 00:10:40,325
You're the guest of honor.
We gotta make a big hit.
Let's go in the back way.
188
00:10:40,326 --> 00:10:42,361
No, no, no.
There is no back way.
189
00:10:42,362 --> 00:10:44,596
There is no back way.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
190
00:10:44,597 --> 00:10:47,266
Let's go through the basement,
get in the heating ducts,
crawl up,
191
00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:50,135
At the right time,
pop through a vent,
"hi. I'm jill."
192
00:10:50,136 --> 00:10:51,570
What?!
193
00:10:51,571 --> 00:10:53,538
Trust me.
I have a tv show.
194
00:10:53,539 --> 00:10:56,074
In front of an audience,
it'll be huge!
195
00:10:56,075 --> 00:10:58,510
Tim, quit kidding.
I wanna show jill
the surprise we got her.
196
00:10:58,511 --> 00:11:00,945
No, you don't.
What surprise?
197
00:11:00,946 --> 00:11:03,114
The committee did something
special, but we can't take
all the credit.
198
00:11:03,115 --> 00:11:05,116
Remember, tim picked out
the picture.
199
00:11:05,117 --> 00:11:09,354
Oh, honey. You
gave me a surprise.
That's so nice.
200
00:11:09,355 --> 00:11:12,957
Gosh, darn it.
Why don't we all see
the surprise together?
201
00:11:12,958 --> 00:11:15,026
(gasps)
202
00:11:15,027 --> 00:11:18,397
You blew up
my driver's license
picture?!
203
00:11:18,398 --> 00:11:20,632
That's the surprise.
204
00:11:22,201 --> 00:11:24,836
I gotta go fix my face.
205
00:11:37,583 --> 00:11:39,584
Well, honey...
206
00:11:39,585 --> 00:11:42,788
All in all, it was
a pretty good evening,
wasn't it?
207
00:11:45,558 --> 00:11:47,892
It was a great speech.
208
00:11:47,893 --> 00:11:50,395
Ah, that roast beef
was good, wasn't it?
209
00:11:50,396 --> 00:11:53,932
Who would've thought
of serving potatoes
with the roast beef?
210
00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:56,267
What was that sauce they had,
special sauce they had...?
211
00:11:56,268 --> 00:11:57,803
Gravy.
Gravy.
212
00:11:59,739 --> 00:12:02,641
But it was beef gravy,
it was spiced, it was so...
213
00:12:02,642 --> 00:12:05,109
Shut up, tim.
Oh.
214
00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:09,815
How could you blow up
my driver's license picture?
How could you do that?
215
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:12,451
Well, it was better-looking
than your passport photo.
216
00:12:12,452 --> 00:12:14,953
Were there only
two choices here?
217
00:12:14,954 --> 00:12:17,789
Tim, there's
tons of pictures of me
in this house.
218
00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:19,491
I didn't have time.
219
00:12:19,492 --> 00:12:21,025
Why not?
220
00:12:21,026 --> 00:12:23,294
'cause marie sprang this on me
at the last minute.
221
00:12:23,295 --> 00:12:24,496
The last minute?
222
00:12:24,497 --> 00:12:26,498
The very last minute.
223
00:12:26,499 --> 00:12:29,067
If she'd given me some time,
I'd have picked out
a perfect picture.
224
00:12:29,068 --> 00:12:32,637
Oh. So you're just saying
this was all marie's fault.
225
00:12:32,638 --> 00:12:34,639
I wouldn't want to point
the finger at her.
226
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,641
In fact, I wouldn't even
mention it to her.
227
00:12:36,642 --> 00:12:38,710
Who are you calling?
The time.
228
00:12:38,711 --> 00:12:41,380
Oh, I got the time.
It's 9:35.
229
00:12:41,381 --> 00:12:43,281
Hello, marie?
Oh, boy.
230
00:12:43,282 --> 00:12:46,585
How much time did you give tim
to get that picture?
231
00:12:53,092 --> 00:12:55,594
Three weeks. Yeah, yeah.
Thanks, marie. Bye.
232
00:12:55,595 --> 00:12:58,263
Hey, how's marie?
233
00:12:58,264 --> 00:13:01,833
Three weeks.
You said the last minute.
234
00:13:01,834 --> 00:13:03,702
Who are you
gonna believe?
235
00:13:05,304 --> 00:13:09,207
My... My guess
would be marie.
236
00:13:09,208 --> 00:13:13,244
Thank you for ruining
one of the most important
nights of my life.
237
00:13:13,245 --> 00:13:15,246
It didn't ruin it.
You raised all the money.
238
00:13:15,247 --> 00:13:17,282
People loved your speech.
Oh, come on.
239
00:13:17,283 --> 00:13:20,318
There is a bright spot.
Everybody was laughin'
so hard at the picture,
240
00:13:20,319 --> 00:13:22,754
They didn't see
that skaggy dress
you have on.
241
00:13:24,924 --> 00:13:26,691
(door slams)
242
00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:29,528
Hey, why don't I just
sleep on the couch?
243
00:13:31,964 --> 00:13:33,364
We're back!
244
00:13:33,365 --> 00:13:36,234
Hey, dad, I beat al.
I got a hole in one.
245
00:13:37,403 --> 00:13:39,404
Yes, he got a hole in one!
246
00:13:39,405 --> 00:13:41,506
Do we have to keep
hearing about it?
247
00:13:41,507 --> 00:13:44,509
Brad got a hole in one.
Yippee, yippee, yippee.
248
00:13:45,645 --> 00:13:48,647
Sounds like you ruffled
a few feathers.
249
00:13:48,648 --> 00:13:51,550
When he plays miniature golf,
he's like a different person.
250
00:13:51,551 --> 00:13:53,718
That could be a good thing.
251
00:13:53,719 --> 00:13:55,921
Dad, he's psycho golfer.
252
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,657
I happen to take the game
seriously.
253
00:13:58,658 --> 00:14:00,358
Al, it's just
miniature golf.
254
00:14:00,359 --> 00:14:03,695
Dad, he brought
his own clubs.
255
00:14:03,696 --> 00:14:06,531
Even a 7-iron.
256
00:14:06,532 --> 00:14:08,366
He made a little girl cry.
257
00:14:08,367 --> 00:14:11,035
Well, she walked
right in front of
the clown's mouth!
258
00:14:14,173 --> 00:14:16,942
Well, something
had to be said.
259
00:14:18,778 --> 00:14:20,779
The manager kicked us out.
260
00:14:20,780 --> 00:14:25,149
Al is now banned for life
from the putt putt panorama.
261
00:14:25,150 --> 00:14:27,385
Well, big deal!
262
00:14:27,386 --> 00:14:32,791
As soon as that manager
graduates from high school,
I'll be back.
263
00:14:32,792 --> 00:14:34,526
While you're waitin', al,
264
00:14:34,527 --> 00:14:37,328
Why don't you look into
miniature golfers anonymous?
265
00:14:37,329 --> 00:14:41,466
Oh, boy. That is a terrib...Ly
nice picture of you.
266
00:14:43,469 --> 00:14:44,536
Thanks a lot, al.
267
00:14:44,537 --> 00:14:47,171
(boys) hi, mom.
Whoa!
268
00:14:47,172 --> 00:14:51,743
Mom, is that you?
That's the worst picture
I've ever seen.
269
00:14:51,744 --> 00:14:55,914
Yeah. You look like
the nuttiest raccoon.
270
00:14:55,915 --> 00:14:58,449
Your father picked it out.
271
00:14:58,450 --> 00:14:59,851
Way to go, dad.
272
00:14:59,852 --> 00:15:03,488
Wouldn't wanna be
in your shoes, bud.
273
00:15:03,489 --> 00:15:06,858
Go to bed!
Brush your teeth!
274
00:15:10,195 --> 00:15:12,631
I'm... I'm real sorry
about this picture, jill.
275
00:15:12,632 --> 00:15:16,801
Look, I'm not just upset
about the picture.
276
00:15:16,802 --> 00:15:20,438
I'm upset because of the fact
that you never even realized
277
00:15:20,439 --> 00:15:23,474
How important
this whole night was to me.
278
00:15:23,475 --> 00:15:24,809
I know now.
279
00:15:24,810 --> 00:15:27,045
You should've known before.
280
00:15:27,046 --> 00:15:29,981
I've been talking about
the library fund-raiser
for months,
281
00:15:29,982 --> 00:15:32,216
And every time I do,
your eyes just glaze over,
282
00:15:32,217 --> 00:15:34,886
And you go,
"uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh."
283
00:15:34,887 --> 00:15:36,922
Uh-huh.
284
00:15:36,923 --> 00:15:37,989
Right.
285
00:15:37,990 --> 00:15:41,359
Honey, that's how
I concentrate.
286
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:45,864
So, you're saying that you
heard everything I said about
the library fund-raiser?
287
00:15:45,865 --> 00:15:48,266
Yeah. It's right up here.
Yeah?
288
00:15:48,267 --> 00:15:52,203
Well... What are we
raising money for?
289
00:15:52,204 --> 00:15:53,772
The library.
290
00:15:53,773 --> 00:15:57,308
What part of the library?
291
00:15:57,309 --> 00:16:00,879
The part of the library
that needs money
raised for it.
292
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,481
You see? It's useless.
293
00:16:03,482 --> 00:16:07,552
I guess it's too much to expect
you to put yourself aside
and think of me for a change.
294
00:16:07,553 --> 00:16:09,654
Wait a minute.
You don't always listen
295
00:16:09,655 --> 00:16:11,690
When I'm telling you stuff
that's important to me.
296
00:16:11,691 --> 00:16:13,892
Tim, when you talk,
I listen.
297
00:16:13,893 --> 00:16:15,126
Really?
Yeah!
298
00:16:15,127 --> 00:16:16,394
Uh-huh.
299
00:16:20,432 --> 00:16:22,734
What kind of carburetors
are on the hot rod?
300
00:16:22,735 --> 00:16:24,736
Holley double pumpers.
Holley... What?
301
00:16:26,305 --> 00:16:29,540
Holley double pumpers.
302
00:16:29,541 --> 00:16:31,542
I've told you
about the engine.
303
00:16:31,543 --> 00:16:33,612
What kind of engine do I have
in the hot rod? Huh?
304
00:16:33,613 --> 00:16:36,948
350 small block,
bored 30 over
with a 400 crank.
305
00:16:36,949 --> 00:16:38,617
Tires?
306
00:16:38,618 --> 00:16:40,151
185/60 r-14s.
307
00:16:40,152 --> 00:16:42,787
Aha!
308
00:16:42,788 --> 00:16:46,024
They're 195s!
309
00:16:46,025 --> 00:16:48,292
And you say you listen to me.
310
00:16:52,364 --> 00:16:54,899
Is it written on here
somewhere?
311
00:17:01,207 --> 00:17:02,807
Hi-ho, neighbor.
312
00:17:02,808 --> 00:17:05,010
Hidey-ho, wilson.
313
00:17:05,011 --> 00:17:08,246
Jill!
What a pleasant surprise.
314
00:17:08,247 --> 00:17:09,280
You're out late.
315
00:17:09,281 --> 00:17:12,350
Mm-hmm. Just doing
a little stargazing.
316
00:17:12,351 --> 00:17:14,953
You know, they say if you had
a strong enough telescope,
317
00:17:14,954 --> 00:17:17,421
You could look back in time
to very early man
318
00:17:17,422 --> 00:17:19,590
Before his brain
was fully developed.
319
00:17:19,591 --> 00:17:23,528
Come over to our house.
You can see the same thing
without a telescope.
320
00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:27,298
Trouble
in the taylor galaxy?
321
00:17:27,299 --> 00:17:29,500
Yeah. It's the big dip.
322
00:17:29,501 --> 00:17:31,435
Tim?
323
00:17:31,436 --> 00:17:34,739
I just don't think
he's ever gonna change.
324
00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:38,442
When I first met him, I thought
he had such great potential
for sensitivity.
325
00:17:38,443 --> 00:17:42,346
But here it is 15 years later,
and he's still stuck
at "potential."
326
00:17:42,347 --> 00:17:45,850
Well, jill,
I can understand
your frustration.
327
00:17:45,851 --> 00:17:47,585
You know, it's been said
328
00:17:47,586 --> 00:17:50,354
That men marry women
hoping they won't change.
329
00:17:50,355 --> 00:17:52,590
Women marry men
hoping they will.
330
00:17:52,591 --> 00:17:55,860
Are you saying
there's no hope?
No, not necessarily.
331
00:17:55,861 --> 00:17:58,129
In the time I've known tim,
332
00:17:58,130 --> 00:18:00,165
I've seen him progress
and evolve significantly.
333
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:03,467
We're talking about
tim "the tool man" taylor?
334
00:18:03,468 --> 00:18:06,037
Yes, indeed.
As a matter of fact,
when he first moved in,
335
00:18:06,038 --> 00:18:08,606
I had to remind him
when your birthday was.
336
00:18:08,607 --> 00:18:10,608
Now I just have to remind him
to get a gift.
337
00:18:12,211 --> 00:18:14,979
Well, I guess
that's some improvement.
338
00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:17,415
His table manners
are better.
339
00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:19,984
It's been a while
since I've seen him
shoot peas out his nose.
340
00:18:22,021 --> 00:18:24,022
Well, there you go.
341
00:18:24,023 --> 00:18:28,727
It's just...
He's evolving so slowly.
342
00:18:28,728 --> 00:18:32,697
Well, jill, I'm reminded
of an old chinese proverb -
343
00:18:32,698 --> 00:18:34,766
Be not afraid
of growing slowly.
344
00:18:34,767 --> 00:18:38,970
Be afraid
only of standing still.
345
00:18:38,971 --> 00:18:42,573
I'm sure that
tim will eventually become
the man you want him to be.
346
00:18:42,574 --> 00:18:46,277
Yeah, but with my luck,
he'll be 101,
347
00:18:46,278 --> 00:18:50,481
And he'll
listen to everything I say,
but he won't know who I am.
348
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:56,354
Today on tool time,
the name of the game is frames.
349
00:18:56,355 --> 00:18:58,957
You can frame a house.
350
00:18:59,959 --> 00:19:02,160
You can frame your lenses.
351
00:19:03,562 --> 00:19:05,997
You can frame... A co-worker.
352
00:19:11,771 --> 00:19:15,073
Tim, we're supposed
to be talking about
picture frames.
353
00:19:15,074 --> 00:19:18,542
A good frame can accentuate
the beauty of any subject.
354
00:19:18,543 --> 00:19:20,711
Of course,
there's exceptions
to every rule.
355
00:19:25,751 --> 00:19:29,387
We'll be cutting our wood
at a 45-degree angle
with our miter box.
356
00:19:29,388 --> 00:19:33,892
While al's busy working,
I'd like to veer off the subject
for a little bit, if I could.
357
00:19:33,893 --> 00:19:36,895
I don't think men
know just how selfish
we can be sometimes.
358
00:19:36,896 --> 00:19:38,897
It might come to a shock
to the audience here,
359
00:19:38,898 --> 00:19:41,166
But the old "tool man"
can be a little insensitive
at times.
360
00:19:41,167 --> 00:19:43,101
I know I'm taken aback.
361
00:19:45,570 --> 00:19:46,971
(mouths)
362
00:19:46,972 --> 00:19:50,474
How often do we
put ourselves aside
363
00:19:50,475 --> 00:19:54,745
And think about
the women in our lives
we cherish?
364
00:20:01,753 --> 00:20:05,756
I know all the wives out there
know I'm kidding around...
365
00:20:05,757 --> 00:20:08,626
I know there's
some point to this,
but I'm not seeing it.
366
00:20:08,627 --> 00:20:11,262
I was thinking about
what you said,
367
00:20:11,263 --> 00:20:13,431
So I got you
something special.
368
00:20:15,334 --> 00:20:16,901
(gasps)
369
00:20:16,902 --> 00:20:20,104
Tim, I don't believe
you did this.
370
00:20:20,105 --> 00:20:23,007
I just wanted
everyone to see you
like I see you.
371
00:20:23,008 --> 00:20:25,076
Honey, that's really sweet.
372
00:20:25,077 --> 00:20:27,111
Not only did I get
the right picture
this time,
373
00:20:27,112 --> 00:20:29,513
I went and had everybody
re-sign it.
374
00:20:29,514 --> 00:20:32,416
Even that plastic surgeon
who wrote, "I hope you have
a good personality"?
375
00:20:35,254 --> 00:20:37,288
You should've
seen his face
376
00:20:37,289 --> 00:20:39,891
When I walked in
during liposuction
to get the signature.
377
00:20:39,892 --> 00:20:42,327
Oh... Tim.
378
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:45,230
This is so great
that you did this.
379
00:20:45,231 --> 00:20:48,699
But, um... You know,
I just gotta say,
380
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:52,570
It's really big.
So what are we gonna do with it?
381
00:20:52,571 --> 00:20:56,274
I'll buy you a big wallet.
(laughs)
382
00:20:56,275 --> 00:21:00,444
In the meantime, tonight
I'm gonna cook you
a fabulous dinner.
383
00:21:00,445 --> 00:21:03,248
Steak, mashed potatoes
and peas.
384
00:21:03,249 --> 00:21:05,716
That is so sweet.
385
00:21:05,717 --> 00:21:07,718
I'm gonna use those
little peas I can shoot
halfway across the room.
386
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,460
Two players,
one shot apiece.
387
00:21:16,461 --> 00:21:20,664
The 13-year-old versus
al "I got a slice" borland.
388
00:21:20,665 --> 00:21:22,733
Dad, this is so stupid.
389
00:21:22,734 --> 00:21:24,903
Afraid, huh?
390
00:21:24,904 --> 00:21:27,038
He's afraid of you?
I don't think so, al.
391
00:21:27,039 --> 00:21:30,074
Good! You got the whole thing
put together...
392
00:21:30,075 --> 00:21:33,778
Tim, I thought
we threw that away.
393
00:21:33,779 --> 00:21:35,947
I'm recycling.
394
00:21:35,948 --> 00:21:39,650
Could we have some quiet here?
I'm trying to line up my shot.
395
00:21:39,651 --> 00:21:42,620
Boy, take a pill,
will you?
396
00:21:42,621 --> 00:21:45,689
It's not your shot, anyway.
Brad the champion goes first.
397
00:21:45,690 --> 00:21:48,927
Champion, champion,
champion. Just go.
398
00:21:50,296 --> 00:21:53,564
Loosen up your swing.
Concentrate.
399
00:22:01,140 --> 00:22:03,341
(cheering)
400
00:22:09,581 --> 00:22:11,249
Can I... Can I go now?
401
00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:13,084
The game is not over.
402
00:22:16,888 --> 00:22:18,756
Pressure's on, al.
403
00:22:18,757 --> 00:22:22,994
Next up,
al "the double bogeyman"
borland.
404
00:22:26,465 --> 00:22:29,434
Al's always had trouble
on these greens here.
405
00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:31,635
Doesn't like
the concession... Area.
406
00:22:51,023 --> 00:22:52,590
And you can use this
with more...
407
00:22:52,591 --> 00:22:54,025
(garbles words)
(tim laughs)
408
00:22:55,995 --> 00:22:57,261
Aah!
409
00:22:57,262 --> 00:23:00,664
(stage manager)
again. 4, 3...
410
00:23:00,665 --> 00:23:04,335
And you can use this
with more than just footballs.
411
00:23:04,336 --> 00:23:05,736
(woman giggles)
412
00:23:05,737 --> 00:23:07,705
What's... What is...?
(giggling)
413
00:23:10,775 --> 00:23:13,711
What's the line?
(laughter)
414
00:23:13,712 --> 00:23:16,280
And this works with more
than just footballs.
Work with more than just...
415
00:23:16,281 --> 00:23:18,416
This works with more than
just footballs.
416
00:23:18,417 --> 00:23:20,951
You can also duplicate
any of your favorite colors.
417
00:23:20,952 --> 00:23:23,087
That's right.
(laughter)