1
00:00:07,828 --> 00:00:11,030
Well, we continue
our week-long salute...
2
00:00:11,031 --> 00:00:14,100
(toilet flushes)
3
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,635
...To bathrooms.
4
00:00:15,636 --> 00:00:18,037
We've already finished
our basic plumbing
installation process.
5
00:00:18,038 --> 00:00:19,905
Now we move on
to a thing called style.
6
00:00:19,906 --> 00:00:23,275
Women call this
"accessorizing the bathroom."
7
00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:27,346
We gotta talk
about some of this stuff.
Like, what are these things?
8
00:00:27,347 --> 00:00:30,249
This is a flower decal
to prevent slipping
in your tub.
9
00:00:30,250 --> 00:00:33,152
I have these at home.
10
00:00:33,153 --> 00:00:35,855
Why doesn't that surprise me?
11
00:00:35,856 --> 00:00:37,990
Now, men, what do you wanna do?
Stand on a decal like this,
12
00:00:37,991 --> 00:00:41,961
Or the new m1 battle tank
series?
13
00:00:41,962 --> 00:00:45,364
Or you could use
what I use at home -
the al decal.
14
00:00:47,433 --> 00:00:51,637
So you step all over me
like you do here?
I like taking my work home.
15
00:00:51,638 --> 00:00:54,807
Toilet seat and seat covers.
Seat covers?
16
00:00:54,808 --> 00:00:58,778
Men don't need a seat cover.
We don't even need a squishy
seat like this.
17
00:00:58,779 --> 00:01:02,081
Toilet seats were just invented
so women won't fall in.
18
00:01:02,082 --> 00:01:04,449
(woman screams)
(splash)
19
00:01:06,119 --> 00:01:08,587
Now, here's a toilet seat, huh?
20
00:01:12,492 --> 00:01:15,094
What is in this?
Barbed wire.
21
00:01:16,496 --> 00:01:18,898
And these - a woman's idea
of soap by the bath.
22
00:01:18,899 --> 00:01:23,235
(lisps) little roses
and little hearts and pigs.
23
00:01:23,236 --> 00:01:25,771
How do you lather up
with a pig?
24
00:01:25,772 --> 00:01:28,808
Goodness knows you've tried.
25
00:01:28,809 --> 00:01:32,912
What men need...
Big bruiser soap like this.
26
00:01:34,981 --> 00:01:38,884
Football soap.
Football soap
on a rope, al.
27
00:01:38,885 --> 00:01:41,687
Perfect for the underarms,
28
00:01:41,688 --> 00:01:44,090
The ears...
(soap squeaks)
29
00:01:45,491 --> 00:01:47,827
Al, get naked, go long.
30
00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:52,865
You were gonna do that
for a minute, weren't you?
31
00:03:02,735 --> 00:03:05,204
Well, what do you think?
Should we put the kids
in the middle?
32
00:03:10,110 --> 00:03:12,644
Whoa, mom, why did we get
such a big turkey?
33
00:03:12,645 --> 00:03:15,881
I thought grandma and grandpa
aren't coming over
for thanksgiving.
34
00:03:15,882 --> 00:03:20,119
Well, who can blame them
after the food fight
you started last year?
35
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,722
Hey. Nana got in a couple
of nice shots, all right?
36
00:03:25,826 --> 00:03:27,793
The reason we have
such a big turkey
37
00:03:27,794 --> 00:03:30,529
Is because al and ilene
are coming.
38
00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:32,331
Al's bringing a girl?
39
00:03:32,332 --> 00:03:36,268
Yeah, she's that dentist
who makes
all the teeth jokes.
40
00:03:36,269 --> 00:03:38,003
She's an orthodontist.
41
00:03:38,004 --> 00:03:41,240
And the way your teeth
are coming in,
you'd better be nice to her.
42
00:03:41,241 --> 00:03:42,975
Ok, guys,
will you go back out
43
00:03:42,976 --> 00:03:45,244
And get the rest
of the groceries?
44
00:03:46,579 --> 00:03:48,147
Honey, great news.
45
00:03:48,148 --> 00:03:50,282
The lumber showed up
and I'm ready to roll.
46
00:03:50,283 --> 00:03:53,819
Lumber? What's that for?
Uh... (laughs)
47
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:55,988
I went by the lumberyard.
I had a vision.
48
00:03:55,989 --> 00:03:58,190
Yeah, you have a vision
every time you go
by the lumber yard.
49
00:03:58,191 --> 00:04:01,460
That's why when I'm in the car
we never go that way.
50
00:04:01,461 --> 00:04:03,195
Remember, you said this year
51
00:04:03,196 --> 00:04:05,697
You didn't wanna take
the same old boring
christmas card photo.
52
00:04:05,698 --> 00:04:09,468
Yeah. Now, what are
you building?
And don't even think about it.
53
00:04:09,469 --> 00:04:11,470
This'll be great.
I got this vision
54
00:04:11,471 --> 00:04:13,906
That'll capture
the real spirit
of the taylor family,
55
00:04:13,907 --> 00:04:15,207
Just like we really are.
56
00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:17,776
Oh, tim, these pictures
are going out to my family.
57
00:04:17,777 --> 00:04:20,946
I don't want them to know
who we really are.
58
00:04:22,315 --> 00:04:24,049
You're not sharing my vision.
59
00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:27,353
That is what makes
our marriage work.
60
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:28,854
Could you just listen
to me, please?
61
00:04:28,855 --> 00:04:30,389
I'm thinking
of something simple.
62
00:04:30,390 --> 00:04:32,691
You know, decorating the tree,
hanging the tinsel,
63
00:04:32,692 --> 00:04:35,494
Stringing popcorn,
that kind of stuff.
64
00:04:35,495 --> 00:04:38,397
I was thinking
the exact same thing.
Oh.
65
00:04:38,398 --> 00:04:43,435
Except we'd be wearing costumes
at the north pole.
66
00:04:45,738 --> 00:04:49,108
And the "exact same thing" part
would be what?
67
00:04:49,109 --> 00:04:52,711
Wait. Hey, guys, guys, guys,
come here. Come here.
68
00:04:52,712 --> 00:04:57,283
Which would you rather do
for this year's
christmas card photo?
69
00:04:57,284 --> 00:04:59,919
String popcorn, hang tinsel,
get around the tree,
70
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,255
Or dress up
in real cool costumes
71
00:05:03,256 --> 00:05:06,959
And join me in tim taylor's
christmas village?
72
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,128
They both sound stupid.
I agree.
73
00:05:09,129 --> 00:05:11,863
Me too.
74
00:05:11,864 --> 00:05:13,865
They'll come around.
Honey, come on.
75
00:05:13,866 --> 00:05:15,867
We can start a new tradition.
Think of the possibilities.
76
00:05:15,868 --> 00:05:18,003
This year,
the christmas village.
Next year -
77
00:05:18,004 --> 00:05:21,873
Manger on the moon.
You'd be in a spacesuit.
78
00:05:21,874 --> 00:05:23,875
I don't wanna be on the moon.
79
00:05:23,876 --> 00:05:26,045
Besides, everybody knows
a spacesuit adds 20 lbs.
80
00:05:26,046 --> 00:05:27,746
Oh, honey.
81
00:05:27,747 --> 00:05:30,082
Look, whatever happens,
82
00:05:30,083 --> 00:05:31,750
If you don't like it
I guarantee you
83
00:05:31,751 --> 00:05:34,753
We'll change it
and do it your way.
84
00:05:34,754 --> 00:05:38,623
You promise
you won't get carried away?
85
00:05:38,624 --> 00:05:40,459
Yes.
86
00:05:42,462 --> 00:05:43,829
Ok.
87
00:05:43,830 --> 00:05:45,931
(doorbell)
88
00:05:45,932 --> 00:05:48,434
It'll be perfect,
and don't worry about anything.
89
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:51,437
It'll be tasteful and simple.
90
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:52,771
Hey. Ooh.
91
00:05:52,772 --> 00:05:55,740
I got a reindeer here
for a tim taylor.
92
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:04,083
Does everybody know
what time it is?
Tool time!
93
00:06:04,084 --> 00:06:06,085
That's right. Binford tools
is proud to present
94
00:06:06,086 --> 00:06:09,254
Tim "the tool man" taylor!
Whoo!
95
00:06:13,493 --> 00:06:16,128
Thank you, heidi.
96
00:06:16,129 --> 00:06:18,797
And welcome
to tool time's salute...
97
00:06:18,798 --> 00:06:20,199
(toilet flushes)
98
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,600
...To bathrooms.
99
00:06:21,601 --> 00:06:23,135
Hi, I'm tim "the tool man"
taylor.
100
00:06:23,136 --> 00:06:24,636
You all know my assistant al
101
00:06:24,637 --> 00:06:28,340
"it's my potty, I'll cry
if I want to" borland.
102
00:06:29,976 --> 00:06:32,211
You can't resist
the bathroom humor,
can you, tim?
103
00:06:32,212 --> 00:06:35,547
Not during our salute...
(toilet flushes)
104
00:06:35,548 --> 00:06:37,149
...To bathrooms.
105
00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:38,783
You remember last time
I was telling you
106
00:06:38,784 --> 00:06:41,253
How bathrooms have become
a woman's domain.
107
00:06:41,254 --> 00:06:42,821
Well, not anymore,
since the crew and I
108
00:06:42,822 --> 00:06:44,890
Designed and built
the bathroom for men only.
109
00:06:44,891 --> 00:06:47,592
Guys, bring out my bathroom.
110
00:06:47,593 --> 00:06:50,095
(♪ "also sprach zarathustra")
111
00:07:11,451 --> 00:07:14,753
The man's bathroom.
100%, you guessed it,
stainless steel.
112
00:07:14,754 --> 00:07:17,722
That's right.
A man's can. A john's john.
113
00:07:17,723 --> 00:07:20,859
This will be on every man's
christmas list this year.
114
00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:22,928
We're gonna take you
through a typical male day
in the bathroom.
115
00:07:22,929 --> 00:07:25,230
Al, what's the first thing
you do when you get up?
116
00:07:25,231 --> 00:07:27,799
I say to myself, "oh, boy,
another wonderful day
117
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:32,371
Of working side by side
with tim."
118
00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:34,506
What's the second thing
you do, al?
119
00:07:34,507 --> 00:07:37,909
I consider calling in sick.
120
00:07:37,910 --> 00:07:39,378
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
121
00:07:39,379 --> 00:07:41,480
Why don't we go
through my typical day then?
122
00:07:41,481 --> 00:07:46,051
I get up, I scratch,
I get in the bathroom.
123
00:07:46,052 --> 00:07:48,253
First I wanna get rid of
that horrible morning breath.
124
00:07:48,254 --> 00:07:51,156
You got everything here
you need.
You got your soap.
125
00:07:51,157 --> 00:07:54,259
You got a little bit
of your mouthwash.
126
00:07:55,761 --> 00:07:58,497
No, that's the soap.
That's the mouthwash.
127
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:03,702
To get that deep-down,
manly dirt off,
128
00:08:03,703 --> 00:08:06,438
You gotta jump
in your multihead shower.
129
00:08:06,439 --> 00:08:08,607
(satisfied moans)
130
00:08:11,544 --> 00:08:13,778
Hop out, stand over
your built-in floor drain.
131
00:08:13,779 --> 00:08:16,281
Gotta get dry real quick.
132
00:08:16,282 --> 00:08:18,450
(dryer buzzes)
133
00:08:21,554 --> 00:08:25,790
I'm dry. Well, ready to shave.
I can't shave in the dark.
134
00:08:25,791 --> 00:08:27,826
I'll need my trusty...
135
00:08:27,827 --> 00:08:29,928
Headlights!
136
00:08:29,929 --> 00:08:34,199
Also useful in case a deer
wanders into your bathroom.
137
00:08:36,269 --> 00:08:40,005
For those pesky nose hairs,
you flip on your brights.
138
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:49,881
All right, all right.
139
00:08:49,882 --> 00:08:53,051
Well... The bathroom
has everything,
140
00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:57,656
Including the brand-new
la-z-bowl reclining toilet.
141
00:09:10,270 --> 00:09:13,104
It's plush when you flush.
142
00:09:13,105 --> 00:09:15,574
And jukebox, phone
and a rack
143
00:09:15,575 --> 00:09:17,809
For your hot rod magazines
within easy reach.
144
00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:20,111
If there were
a refrigerator in here,
145
00:09:20,112 --> 00:09:22,581
You'd never have to leave.
146
00:09:22,582 --> 00:09:25,250
Did you say "if"?
147
00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:34,993
Brewski?
You bet, buddy.
148
00:09:34,994 --> 00:09:37,028
Between the beer
and the bathroom,
149
00:09:37,029 --> 00:09:40,199
We call this
a male recycling center
150
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,235
Guys are going, "jeez, tim,
you spend so much time
in the bathroom,
151
00:09:43,236 --> 00:09:45,070
You won't know what's going on
in the big game."
152
00:09:45,071 --> 00:09:47,673
Got it covered.
153
00:09:50,810 --> 00:09:52,777
Go, go, go, go!
154
00:09:52,778 --> 00:09:54,779
(both) touchdown!
155
00:10:10,796 --> 00:10:16,268
Man, once my friends
see this christmas card,
I'm dead.
156
00:10:16,269 --> 00:10:20,472
There's no way
I'm wearing these ears.
Me neither.
157
00:10:20,473 --> 00:10:22,474
What?
158
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:26,211
Dad can't make us do this.
159
00:10:26,212 --> 00:10:29,080
Yeah. I mean, you can't
make your kid be an elf.
160
00:10:29,081 --> 00:10:31,416
There's gotta be a law.
161
00:10:34,019 --> 00:10:37,289
Hey, dad, we have something
to talk to you about.
162
00:10:37,290 --> 00:10:38,823
Hey.
163
00:10:40,826 --> 00:10:43,495
Welcome to
santa's christmas village.
164
00:10:43,496 --> 00:10:45,930
Dad, we don't
wanna be elves.
What?
165
00:10:45,931 --> 00:10:49,934
Yeah. We thought you said
we could all be elvis.
166
00:10:51,537 --> 00:10:55,340
(jill) I can't believe
this is the outfit
you chose for me.
167
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,582
Mrs. Claus would never wear
anything this skimpy.
168
00:11:03,583 --> 00:11:05,384
Sure she would,
if santa were out of town
169
00:11:05,385 --> 00:11:08,119
And mr. Mountie
was stopping by.
170
00:11:10,055 --> 00:11:12,624
I thought you said
you were gonna
keep this simple.
171
00:11:12,625 --> 00:11:14,459
It is simple.
Guys, get into position,
please.
172
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:18,297
Dad, we don't wanna do this.
Oh, pipe down.
Just one shot.
173
00:11:18,298 --> 00:11:20,198
Tim, look, you know,
thanksgiving's tomorrow.
174
00:11:20,199 --> 00:11:22,334
I got pies in the oven,
a million things I gotta do.
175
00:11:22,335 --> 00:11:26,305
Relax, all of you. Let me make
a few tweaks on my little
snow-making machine here.
176
00:11:26,306 --> 00:11:29,308
Why do we have
to have snow?
Well, if there's no snow,
177
00:11:29,309 --> 00:11:30,975
People won't believe
that we're really
in the north pole.
178
00:11:30,976 --> 00:11:33,077
You are so deluded.
179
00:11:37,917 --> 00:11:41,453
All right.
You're all there? Ok.
(randy) come on, dad.
180
00:11:41,454 --> 00:11:42,987
All right. Quiet!
Big smiles.
181
00:11:42,988 --> 00:11:45,924
Get the ears on. Smiles.
Timer's on.
182
00:11:48,461 --> 00:11:50,462
Start the snow.
All right.
183
00:11:52,632 --> 00:11:54,966
Hey, dad, there's no snow.
184
00:12:11,517 --> 00:12:13,218
(tim) I'll just get
a new window in it.
185
00:12:13,219 --> 00:12:16,488
Where are you gonna get
a pane of glass the night
before thanksgiving?
186
00:12:16,489 --> 00:12:19,023
There's plenty of
24-hour glass places open
on the holidays.
187
00:12:19,024 --> 00:12:21,326
Yeah, right.
188
00:12:21,327 --> 00:12:25,230
What's that smell?
(gasps) oh, gosh.
It's my pies.
189
00:12:25,231 --> 00:12:27,232
Oh, no!
190
00:12:28,534 --> 00:12:30,502
Oh, tim!
191
00:12:30,503 --> 00:12:33,405
You promised me
this was gonna be simple.
Now look -
192
00:12:33,406 --> 00:12:37,041
I have burnt pies,
a broken window and a snow
blower in my family room!
193
00:12:38,578 --> 00:12:42,381
You're not gonna let this
dampen your spirits, are you?
194
00:12:42,382 --> 00:12:44,416
I am way past damp.
195
00:12:47,353 --> 00:12:49,755
Well, I'll just make
a little adjustment.
We'll be back in business.
196
00:12:49,756 --> 00:12:52,023
No. Forget it.
You had your chance,
197
00:12:52,024 --> 00:12:55,761
You blew it - big surprise -
and now...
198
00:12:55,762 --> 00:12:58,029
It's my turn.
199
00:12:58,030 --> 00:13:00,965
Honey, honey, honey.
200
00:13:00,966 --> 00:13:03,835
It'll be great.
We could make
christmas card history here.
201
00:13:03,836 --> 00:13:07,238
Why can't you just ever
do anything on a small scale?
202
00:13:07,239 --> 00:13:09,708
I don't think that way.
203
00:13:10,643 --> 00:13:12,977
Pick a number.
What?
204
00:13:12,978 --> 00:13:15,146
Just pick a number.
Seven.
205
00:13:15,147 --> 00:13:19,284
See?
I would've picked 13,000.
206
00:13:19,285 --> 00:13:22,621
Why? Because I think big.
207
00:13:22,622 --> 00:13:25,824
Can you burn the turkey
so it matches those pies?
208
00:13:32,932 --> 00:13:34,566
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
209
00:13:34,567 --> 00:13:36,568
What is that I smell?
210
00:13:36,569 --> 00:13:39,871
Burnt pumpkin pie
with a touch of cinnamon...
211
00:13:39,872 --> 00:13:43,274
Maybe a tad too much nutmeg?
212
00:13:43,275 --> 00:13:45,276
That is amazing.
You can smell that
from over there?
213
00:13:45,277 --> 00:13:48,212
Oh, yes, indeedy, tim.
I inherited my father's
olfactory sense.
214
00:13:48,213 --> 00:13:50,214
Your dad has an old factory?
215
00:13:50,215 --> 00:13:53,452
No, tim. I was referring
to my sense of smell.
216
00:13:53,453 --> 00:13:56,521
What does that have to do
with your dad's old factory?
Let it go, tim.
217
00:13:57,957 --> 00:14:00,792
Do you have any use
for a slightly used
santa village?
218
00:14:00,793 --> 00:14:05,096
Uh-oh.
Trouble in santa's workshop?
219
00:14:05,097 --> 00:14:08,934
Mrs. Claus doesn't understand
I'm trying to do
something groundbreaking.
220
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,269
Mm-hmm. Well, I see
you've already done
some window-breaking.
221
00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:14,706
Wilson, I break a lot of things
around here because I think big.
222
00:14:14,707 --> 00:14:16,708
I get these visions,
I have to carry them out.
Ok?
223
00:14:16,709 --> 00:14:19,277
Oh, so you think of yourself
as a visionary,
224
00:14:19,278 --> 00:14:21,279
Like socrates or marco polo.
225
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,414
(grunts)
226
00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:28,319
But jill thinks
I got double vision.
227
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,289
Well, to paraphrase seneca,
the roman moralist,
228
00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:35,259
There is a fine line
between genius and madness.
229
00:14:39,732 --> 00:14:42,000
Do you think
I've stepped over that line?
230
00:14:42,001 --> 00:14:43,668
Tim, why don't you ask me
that question
231
00:14:43,669 --> 00:14:47,071
When you're not wearing
that mountie uniform?
232
00:14:47,072 --> 00:14:49,508
Oh, yeah.
That would be a good idea.
233
00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:52,611
I think you're overlooking
something here.
What?
234
00:14:52,612 --> 00:14:56,447
The true vision
is right there.
235
00:14:56,448 --> 00:14:58,884
An angry wife
with two burnt pies?
236
00:14:58,885 --> 00:15:02,420
No. No, tim -
a loving family.
237
00:15:02,421 --> 00:15:06,491
Yeah. Right as usual, wilson.
238
00:15:06,492 --> 00:15:08,894
Hey, hey, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
(wilson) yo.
239
00:15:08,895 --> 00:15:10,929
Pick a number.
Any number?
240
00:15:10,930 --> 00:15:14,198
Any number.
Well, off the top
of my head,
241
00:15:14,199 --> 00:15:16,668
762 trillion.
242
00:15:25,344 --> 00:15:28,212
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
243
00:15:28,213 --> 00:15:31,016
Oh.
244
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,684
I can't believe al.
245
00:15:32,685 --> 00:15:34,920
All he's done since we've got
here is watch football.
246
00:15:34,921 --> 00:15:37,923
Yeah, well, tim's idea
of the perfect thanksgiving
247
00:15:37,924 --> 00:15:39,658
Would be to push a button
on the remote
248
00:15:39,659 --> 00:15:41,660
And have the turkey
pop out of it.
249
00:15:41,661 --> 00:15:44,930
He's gone, he's gone!
Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go!
250
00:15:44,931 --> 00:15:46,932
Oh.
251
00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:49,534
Tim, take the helmet off
and come to dinner.
252
00:15:49,535 --> 00:15:52,604
It's not over yet, honey.
We have two more minutes left.
253
00:15:52,605 --> 00:15:56,908
What's the score?
Uh, 61 to three.
254
00:15:56,909 --> 00:16:00,679
Guess what. It's over.
Oh, honey!
255
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,782
Come on, come on.
(tim) all right, let's eat.
256
00:16:03,783 --> 00:16:05,784
Here you go.
You sit right there.
257
00:16:05,785 --> 00:16:07,686
(al) oh, boy,
the table looks great.
258
00:16:07,687 --> 00:16:09,688
Smells great.
Oh, yes.
259
00:16:09,689 --> 00:16:11,456
Thank you.
260
00:16:11,457 --> 00:16:14,993
Everything looks delicious.
Hey, what are those?
261
00:16:14,994 --> 00:16:17,996
Oh, these are the, um,
mashed rutabagas
that al brought.
262
00:16:17,997 --> 00:16:21,199
Made from a very old
family recipe.
263
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,335
Looks like you got 'em
from an old family.
264
00:16:24,336 --> 00:16:26,471
I love the way you guys
tease each other.
265
00:16:26,472 --> 00:16:28,907
I'm not teasing him.
266
00:16:28,908 --> 00:16:31,476
Ilene is no slouch
in the humor department.
267
00:16:31,477 --> 00:16:34,278
Tell them that joke you
told me on the way over.
Oh, no.
268
00:16:34,279 --> 00:16:36,982
Come on. We'd love to hear it.
269
00:16:36,983 --> 00:16:39,183
Ok. What do you call
270
00:16:39,184 --> 00:16:41,886
A big white animal
that's shaped like a tooth?
271
00:16:41,887 --> 00:16:44,322
What?
A molar bear.
272
00:16:48,594 --> 00:16:51,529
Stop.
You are such a wacky-doodle.
273
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,808
Uh... Somebody pass me
the gravy, please.
274
00:17:03,809 --> 00:17:06,011
You gotta try ilene's rolls.
They're homemade.
275
00:17:06,012 --> 00:17:08,246
Ooh, look at that turkey.
276
00:17:08,247 --> 00:17:11,616
(al) try my rutabagas.
Let me have some
mashed potatoes.
277
00:17:11,617 --> 00:17:15,553
Try the rutabagas.
I put sugar in them this year.
278
00:17:15,554 --> 00:17:19,124
Can I have some of this,
please?
One spoonful.
279
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,592
All right.
280
00:17:21,593 --> 00:17:25,496
I need the rutabagas.
All I need is some gravy.
I didn't get...
281
00:17:26,966 --> 00:17:30,001
Ah. I think before we eat,
282
00:17:30,002 --> 00:17:32,904
We should all think of something
that we're thankful for.
283
00:17:32,905 --> 00:17:34,906
Oh, that's a great idea.
284
00:17:34,907 --> 00:17:37,709
Al, you wanna go first?
285
00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:39,944
All right. Uh...
286
00:17:39,945 --> 00:17:43,848
Well, I'm...
I'm thankful that I have
such wonderful friends.
287
00:17:45,184 --> 00:17:47,518
And I'm... I'm thankful
288
00:17:47,519 --> 00:17:50,021
That I have such
a wonderful, special person
289
00:17:50,022 --> 00:17:53,524
To spend thanksgiving with.
290
00:17:53,525 --> 00:17:55,894
Well, I'm thankful that I have
such a wonderful place
291
00:17:55,895 --> 00:17:57,929
To come to on thanksgiving,
292
00:17:57,930 --> 00:18:01,399
And I'm thankful to jill
for introducing me to al.
293
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,135
That's sweet.
That's nice. Brad?
294
00:18:04,136 --> 00:18:05,970
Al, a tender,
295
00:18:05,971 --> 00:18:09,107
Warm and gentle man
296
00:18:09,108 --> 00:18:11,943
Who always puts my needs
above his own.
297
00:18:11,944 --> 00:18:14,079
Oh, that's great.
Brad, I think your mom wants...
298
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,415
A man whose quiet confidence
299
00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:20,185
And heroic vulnerability
300
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:23,454
Inspire me
to be a better person.
301
00:18:23,455 --> 00:18:25,023
It's my turn.
302
00:18:25,024 --> 00:18:28,026
I'm thankful that ilene's
finished with her tribute to al.
303
00:18:28,027 --> 00:18:30,862
Ow!
304
00:18:30,863 --> 00:18:34,099
And I'm thankful
that brad said that
instead of me.
305
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:36,134
Ow!
306
00:18:36,135 --> 00:18:41,039
I'm thankful you guys
are kicking brad and randy
instead of me.
307
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,108
Well... (clears throat)
308
00:18:43,109 --> 00:18:46,044
That was very touching, boys.
309
00:18:46,045 --> 00:18:48,012
Can I go next? Can I go next?
310
00:18:48,013 --> 00:18:50,181
I am thankful
for many things in my life.
311
00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:53,151
My family, my friends...
312
00:18:53,152 --> 00:18:54,819
My hot rod,
313
00:18:54,820 --> 00:18:57,856
267 power tools that I own.
314
00:18:57,857 --> 00:18:59,758
I know I get carried away
sometimes,
315
00:18:59,759 --> 00:19:01,692
Like my fellow visionary
marco polo,
316
00:19:01,693 --> 00:19:04,462
Who we all know
invented the sport shirt.
317
00:19:04,463 --> 00:19:07,732
But, unlike marco polo,
I have something
he does not have.
318
00:19:07,733 --> 00:19:12,703
I have the best,
most understanding wife
in the world,
319
00:19:12,704 --> 00:19:15,373
Jill.
320
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:22,647
Well, um, ok.
321
00:19:22,648 --> 00:19:25,016
I'm thankful
for good friends,
322
00:19:25,017 --> 00:19:27,685
For my children,
323
00:19:27,686 --> 00:19:31,289
For a husband who never ceases
to amaze and surprise me,
324
00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:35,660
A man who's blown out
every window in the house,
325
00:19:35,661 --> 00:19:37,996
Frozen his tongue to a hammer,
326
00:19:37,997 --> 00:19:41,699
Fallen off the roof,
through the roof,
327
00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:44,936
Hung upside down from the roof,
328
00:19:44,937 --> 00:19:47,272
And in spite of
all these things,
329
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:52,610
Or maybe even because of them,
330
00:19:52,611 --> 00:19:55,246
I love him more today
331
00:19:55,247 --> 00:19:58,716
Than I did the day
I married him.
332
00:20:02,221 --> 00:20:04,689
Would somebody hold me?
333
00:20:16,936 --> 00:20:20,371
All right, I'm all ready.
Come on.
Ok.
334
00:20:20,372 --> 00:20:23,241
You're ok with this?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's a perfect compromise.
335
00:20:23,242 --> 00:20:26,444
Your winter wonderland,
my little bit of dignity...
336
00:20:26,445 --> 00:20:29,380
Ok, al, I'm all set.
Uh, camera's loaded.
337
00:20:29,381 --> 00:20:32,150
Boys are in position.
Come on, look up straight.
338
00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:34,052
I added more touch,
added more snow
for the roof there.
339
00:20:34,053 --> 00:20:36,154
How does that look?
Oh, that's...
340
00:20:36,155 --> 00:20:39,557
That's an awful lot
of snow, tim.
341
00:20:39,558 --> 00:20:42,560
That's 'cause
I think big, al
it looks beautiful.
342
00:20:42,561 --> 00:20:45,063
Thanks, ilene.
Al, you wanna do the honors?
No.
343
00:20:45,064 --> 00:20:47,631
(tim) come on.
I'm just kidding.
344
00:20:51,136 --> 00:20:52,837
So much for the dignity.
345
00:20:52,838 --> 00:20:55,740
There's still time
for you to slip into
that mrs. Claus outfit.
346
00:20:55,741 --> 00:20:59,510
Later.
(grunts)
347
00:20:59,511 --> 00:21:01,612
Is this where
you're gonna stand?
Yeah.
348
00:21:01,613 --> 00:21:03,781
Get the snow in front.
Make sure the kids
are looking ahead.
349
00:21:03,782 --> 00:21:06,084
(al) ok, I got it.
All right,
I'm gonna count to three.
350
00:21:06,085 --> 00:21:08,119
One,
351
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:09,787
Two...
352
00:21:09,788 --> 00:21:12,223
Do you want that door open?
No.
353
00:21:12,224 --> 00:21:14,558
(creaking)
(al) three.
354
00:21:32,978 --> 00:21:35,880
Let's take one more
just to make sure.
355
00:21:46,491 --> 00:21:50,261
(tim) this is the life,
huh, al?
(al) I think so, tim.
356
00:21:50,262 --> 00:21:53,298
Nothing like a bowl game
on the bowl, huh?
357
00:21:56,235 --> 00:21:59,003
You know, I'm still
a little hungry.
No junk food.
358
00:21:59,004 --> 00:22:02,073
Let's order in.
Mexican, chinese,
what do you want?
359
00:22:02,074 --> 00:22:03,874
Oh, nothing too spicy.
360
00:22:03,875 --> 00:22:06,911
Al, I think you're
forgetting where you are.
361
00:22:10,950 --> 00:22:13,284
You're right.
Let's go a little crazy.
362
00:22:13,285 --> 00:22:16,220
How about a pizza
with sausage and chili?
363
00:22:16,221 --> 00:22:19,357
All right, buddy.
364
00:22:19,358 --> 00:22:21,059
(phone dials)
365
00:22:21,060 --> 00:22:23,594
Auto-dial.
366
00:22:23,595 --> 00:22:26,064
Yeah, tony's.
This is tim over here
at tool time.
367
00:22:26,065 --> 00:22:29,934
We need a big pizza.
Chili, anchovies...
368
00:22:29,935 --> 00:22:31,702
Half.
Half anchovies.
369
00:22:31,703 --> 00:22:34,372
We're not upstairs
in the office, though.
Come down to the...
370
00:22:34,373 --> 00:22:37,141
We're actually
in the bathroom. Yeah.
371
00:22:37,142 --> 00:22:40,378
What? Hello?
(dial tone)
372
00:22:40,379 --> 00:22:43,381
We're gonna have to
go pick it up, I think.
373
00:22:43,382 --> 00:22:46,184
Is that a smudge on that tv?
374
00:22:46,185 --> 00:22:48,853
Yes, I believe it is.
Not anymore.
375
00:22:56,161 --> 00:22:57,996
Yes!
376
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,201
Honey, great news.
377
00:23:03,202 --> 00:23:05,870
The lumber was delivered...
378
00:23:16,548 --> 00:23:19,550
I walked by the lumberyard
today and I had a vision.
379
00:23:19,551 --> 00:23:21,919
You get a vision
every time you go
by the lumberyard.
380
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,888
That's why when I in the...
When I'm in the car...
381
00:23:23,889 --> 00:23:26,157
(mumbles)