1
00:00:00,988 --> 00:00:03,455
Welcome to tool time.
I'm tim "the tool man" taylor,
2
00:00:03,456 --> 00:00:06,291
And you all know my assistant -
al "thinks he's getting
a christmas bonus" borland.
3
00:00:08,328 --> 00:00:13,432
Well, as you all can see,
it's yule time on tool time.
4
00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:16,902
Before we get into
our project today, we have
a special feature for you.
5
00:00:16,903 --> 00:00:19,872
That's right, tim.
Binford stocking stuffers.
6
00:00:19,873 --> 00:00:22,041
There's nothing that says
"peace on earth" better
7
00:00:22,042 --> 00:00:23,809
Than a binford
power tool.
8
00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:25,011
(grunts) yeah.
9
00:00:26,647 --> 00:00:30,349
Doesn't al just
jingle your bell
sometimes?
10
00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:32,351
Heidi, the stocking stuffers,
please.
11
00:00:32,352 --> 00:00:34,486
(♪ "deck the halls")
12
00:00:38,258 --> 00:00:40,793
Here you go, tim.
Thank you, heidi.
13
00:00:40,794 --> 00:00:43,829
Now, stocking stuffers
usually...
(music continues)
14
00:00:43,830 --> 00:00:47,033
...Generally have...
Klaus! Whoo-hoo!
(music stops)
15
00:00:47,034 --> 00:00:48,834
Thank you.
16
00:00:48,835 --> 00:00:51,370
Stocking stuffers
sometimes are difficult
to pick out for men.
17
00:00:51,371 --> 00:00:54,306
But binford
has made it easy this year
with stuff like this.
18
00:00:54,307 --> 00:00:57,376
The new binford
mini propane torch. Huh?
19
00:01:03,416 --> 00:01:06,318
Stand back. Stand back.
20
00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:08,654
It's small, but portable enough
you can fit it in a pocket.
21
00:01:08,655 --> 00:01:11,090
Whoa! Wouldn't put it
in there, though.
22
00:01:11,091 --> 00:01:15,761
You can remove facial hair
with it.
23
00:01:15,762 --> 00:01:18,363
You can do a little
soldering on the house,
melt glass tubing,
24
00:01:18,364 --> 00:01:20,499
Or if your wife's out,
melt her earrings down
25
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,467
And make handy fishing lures
out of them.
26
00:01:23,937 --> 00:01:27,973
Also, we have the binford 6100
digital torque wrench.
27
00:01:27,974 --> 00:01:31,310
It'll be the torque of the town
this christmas. Ho-ho-ho.
28
00:01:31,311 --> 00:01:34,346
That's right. They'll
also be torquing about...
29
00:01:37,117 --> 00:01:40,186
...The new
binford fiberoptic
flexible flashlight.
30
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:43,155
As odd as it seems,
this is actually
a great gift for guys.
31
00:01:43,156 --> 00:01:46,092
This thing can find auto parts
strewn around the garage,
32
00:01:46,093 --> 00:01:49,661
Look in dirty pipes or any
dark, dusty area you have.
33
00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:56,268
In one ear,
out the other.
34
00:01:56,269 --> 00:01:58,904
Just like your job, al.
35
00:01:58,905 --> 00:02:01,707
In one day, out the other.
36
00:02:01,708 --> 00:02:05,010
Now, finally, for the man
without a vice,
37
00:02:05,011 --> 00:02:06,879
A vise. (whistles)
38
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,048
The binford bench buddy 2000.
39
00:02:09,049 --> 00:02:11,283
It's got a swiveling base,
serrated steel jaws
40
00:02:11,284 --> 00:02:15,254
And a clamping capacity
of seven and one-half inches.
41
00:02:15,255 --> 00:02:17,123
(to "jingle bells")
♪ ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho...
42
00:02:17,124 --> 00:02:18,824
Actually, tim, the...
43
00:02:18,825 --> 00:02:20,226
♪ ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
44
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:23,428
♪ ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho-ho,
ho-ho-ho...
45
00:02:23,429 --> 00:02:26,331
The bench vise is too big
to be a stocking stuffer.
46
00:02:26,332 --> 00:02:28,700
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho,
are you ever right.
47
00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:30,736
If you want to stuff that
into a stocking,
48
00:02:30,737 --> 00:02:33,973
You need a special stocking,
like this one.
49
00:02:33,974 --> 00:02:37,209
Like one of al's mom's
thermal hunting socks.
50
00:02:43,316 --> 00:02:45,317
Don't let her in here.
51
00:02:45,318 --> 00:02:46,351
(thundering footsteps)
52
00:02:46,352 --> 00:02:48,187
It's your mom, al.
53
00:04:05,732 --> 00:04:07,900
What do you think? Could we
put the kids in the middle?
54
00:04:12,372 --> 00:04:15,841
(jill) you are gonna be
the cutest little choirboy
in the whole service.
55
00:04:15,842 --> 00:04:17,542
You don't think
I look geeky?
56
00:04:17,543 --> 00:04:20,179
No. You look christmassy.
57
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:23,715
If this were veterans day,
you'd look geeky.
58
00:04:23,716 --> 00:04:27,419
Jill, you won't believe
what doc johnson's doing.
Hi.
59
00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:29,989
Oh, hi, mark.
Nice robe.
60
00:04:31,992 --> 00:04:36,661
What's the "n" mean?
"naked under this robe
and no one can tell."
61
00:04:36,662 --> 00:04:40,332
Hey, show a little respect.
You're talking to the "n"
in "noel."
62
00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:42,368
I still think
I look geeky.
63
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,436
You look very handsome.
64
00:04:44,437 --> 00:04:46,838
Now, let's get this thing off
65
00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,741
Before your brothers
come home and see you.
66
00:04:49,742 --> 00:04:52,011
Here. There we go.
67
00:04:52,012 --> 00:04:54,579
Jill, what would you say
if I told you
68
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:57,549
That doc johnson
has dancing elves
up on his roof?
69
00:04:57,550 --> 00:05:01,186
I'd say he'd better
get those elf traps
out right away.
70
00:05:01,187 --> 00:05:03,855
I'm talking about
the neighborhood
decorating contest.
71
00:05:03,856 --> 00:05:06,325
I hate to say it,
but I think I might lose.
72
00:05:06,326 --> 00:05:10,562
You've lost nine years
in a row. I'd think you'd
be used to it by now.
73
00:05:10,563 --> 00:05:14,366
This year, I had
a really good feeling
about winning. It's odd.
74
00:05:14,367 --> 00:05:17,369
Every decoration I put up,
doc johnson's put up before me.
75
00:05:17,370 --> 00:05:21,006
Ah, it's just a coincidence.
Coincidence?
76
00:05:21,007 --> 00:05:24,376
I went to put a plastic santa
up there today... (laughs)
77
00:05:24,377 --> 00:05:27,546
...And guess what
old doc johnson's
got up on his roof.
78
00:05:27,547 --> 00:05:29,481
Chimney?
79
00:05:29,482 --> 00:05:32,017
A plastic santa.
80
00:05:32,018 --> 00:05:36,688
Gosh, I wonder what made him
think of using a santa claus
as a decoration at christmas.
81
00:05:38,325 --> 00:05:41,193
(groans)
82
00:05:41,194 --> 00:05:43,628
I'll tell you what else
he's got up there.
83
00:05:43,629 --> 00:05:47,232
My seven swans a-swimming
and my six geese a-laying.
84
00:05:47,233 --> 00:05:51,770
♪ and a tool man
in a nut tree ♪
85
00:05:51,771 --> 00:05:54,639
Hey, brad.
Guys, guess what.
86
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:58,043
Tom wheeler's family invited me
to go skiing at boyd mountain.
87
00:05:58,044 --> 00:06:00,212
All right! Boyd mountain!
I love it up there.
88
00:06:00,213 --> 00:06:03,415
Tobogganing, skiing,
fractures, sprains,
broken bones,
89
00:06:03,416 --> 00:06:06,785
Laying at the bottom of the hill
in a stretcher...
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
90
00:06:06,786 --> 00:06:08,787
When are you going?
91
00:06:08,788 --> 00:06:11,156
That's kinda what I need
to talk to you about.
92
00:06:11,157 --> 00:06:13,392
Well, it better not
be this weekend.
93
00:06:13,393 --> 00:06:16,828
We're running
a tool time marathon.
94
00:06:16,829 --> 00:06:19,831
40 straight hours
of tim and al high jinks.
95
00:06:19,832 --> 00:06:22,901
It's also christmas.
It's also christmas.
96
00:06:22,902 --> 00:06:26,605
Well, it is this weekend.
97
00:06:26,606 --> 00:06:28,140
Brad!
98
00:06:28,141 --> 00:06:30,442
But, mom, it's perfect.
99
00:06:30,443 --> 00:06:34,946
I don't have school,
and I can take your presents
with me and open them there.
100
00:06:37,083 --> 00:06:41,086
Do you feel the love
in this room? Do you?
101
00:06:41,087 --> 00:06:45,324
Brad, the family
is always together
at christmas.
102
00:06:45,325 --> 00:06:48,860
We open our stockings together,
we talk to the relatives
on the phone...
103
00:06:48,861 --> 00:06:52,531
You have your new saxophone.
You could play along
while we sing carols.
104
00:06:52,532 --> 00:06:53,965
And I'm gonna make
105
00:06:53,966 --> 00:06:55,967
Nana's special
oyster pecan stuffing.
106
00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:57,169
Ugh!
107
00:06:58,638 --> 00:07:02,408
Do you suppose there's room
for one more skier in that car?
108
00:07:02,409 --> 00:07:04,543
Mark is singing
in the choir. Come on.
109
00:07:04,544 --> 00:07:07,546
The wheelers will ask you
to go skiing some other time.
110
00:07:07,547 --> 00:07:09,814
But, mom, I don't wanna go
another time.
111
00:07:09,815 --> 00:07:12,017
It's gonna be great
skiing conditions.
112
00:07:12,018 --> 00:07:15,387
A lot of kids from school
are gonna be there.
113
00:07:15,388 --> 00:07:17,556
Honey, I can tell
this is important to you,
114
00:07:17,557 --> 00:07:20,025
But this family
is always together
at christmas.
115
00:07:20,026 --> 00:07:23,262
Even when your father
fell down the chimney,
we were together.
116
00:07:23,263 --> 00:07:26,831
We were in the emergency room,
but we were together.
117
00:07:26,832 --> 00:07:29,535
So you're saying I can't go?
No way.
118
00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:32,337
Dad!
119
00:07:34,006 --> 00:07:36,341
No, no, no, no.
120
00:07:36,342 --> 00:07:38,544
Come on, it's christmas.
A special time.
Your mom's right.
121
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:41,012
It's not gonna be
a special time for me.
122
00:07:41,013 --> 00:07:43,748
So much for
a merry christmas.
123
00:07:46,719 --> 00:07:48,353
(tim) ♪ jingle bells,
shotgun shells
124
00:07:48,354 --> 00:07:50,456
♪ granny's on the run
125
00:07:50,457 --> 00:07:52,791
♪ oh, what fun...
126
00:07:52,792 --> 00:07:53,992
Hi-dee-ho-ho-ho-ho,
good neighbor.
127
00:07:53,993 --> 00:07:56,295
And a merry christmas
to you, too, wilson.
128
00:08:03,303 --> 00:08:06,405
Well, tim, I see the holidays
find you among friends.
129
00:08:06,406 --> 00:08:09,007
Yeah. This is for
the roof display.
130
00:08:09,008 --> 00:08:11,610
These are the three
wise tool guys.
131
00:08:11,611 --> 00:08:16,748
Oh. They come from so far,
yet seem strangely familiar.
132
00:08:16,749 --> 00:08:19,485
Yes, don't they?
Mm-hmm.
133
00:08:19,486 --> 00:08:22,654
Halloween's over.
You can put away
the witch's broom.
134
00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:26,225
Tim, this is not
a witch's broom.
This is a julenek.
135
00:08:26,226 --> 00:08:28,427
A what-a-nek?
A julenek.
136
00:08:28,428 --> 00:08:30,895
It's a scandinavian
christmas tradition.
137
00:08:30,896 --> 00:08:34,533
Families bind sheaves of grain
to a long spruce pole,
138
00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:38,003
And that provides nourishment
for the sparrows in the winter.
139
00:08:38,004 --> 00:08:43,475
I wish
I could bind up doc johnson
and twist his little julenek.
140
00:08:43,476 --> 00:08:45,877
Tim, that's hardly
the christmas spirit.
141
00:08:45,878 --> 00:08:49,548
I know. I really thought
I could beat him this year
at the christmas display,
142
00:08:49,549 --> 00:08:51,716
But he's always seems to be
one step ahead of me.
143
00:08:51,717 --> 00:08:56,221
You know, so I see.
He just put three wise men
up on his roof, too.
144
00:08:56,222 --> 00:08:58,590
What?
145
00:08:58,591 --> 00:09:02,127
Where?
Over there.
146
00:09:02,128 --> 00:09:04,429
How does that guy
keep beating me
to the punch?
147
00:09:04,430 --> 00:09:08,200
Well, maybe the good doctor's
got esp.
148
00:09:08,201 --> 00:09:11,370
Now, what does having
a cable sports channel
have to do with this?
149
00:09:14,541 --> 00:09:17,142
No, I'm talking about
extrasensory perception.
150
00:09:17,143 --> 00:09:19,744
The ability to read
someone else's mind.
151
00:09:19,745 --> 00:09:22,181
Really?
Mm-hmm.
152
00:09:22,182 --> 00:09:24,283
Maybe he should try
reading this.
153
00:09:30,590 --> 00:09:34,025
(♪ saxophone played badly)
154
00:09:34,026 --> 00:09:36,728
Lemme guess. Brad's practicing
on the saxophone,
155
00:09:36,729 --> 00:09:39,264
Or there's an elephant
giving birth upstairs.
156
00:09:39,265 --> 00:09:40,265
Saxophone.
157
00:09:44,937 --> 00:09:47,038
Brad's so depressed
about not going on
the skiing trip,
158
00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:49,508
He's trying to play the blues.
159
00:09:51,644 --> 00:09:54,112
I should be playing the blues.
Hey, randy.
160
00:09:54,113 --> 00:09:56,748
I went to put
the three wise tool guys
up on the roof,
161
00:09:56,749 --> 00:09:59,718
And guess who's
already got 'em up.
162
00:09:59,719 --> 00:10:02,120
Doc johnson.
Bingo.
163
00:10:02,121 --> 00:10:04,289
I swear to god
he's got this house bugged.
164
00:10:04,290 --> 00:10:05,724
Excuse me?
165
00:10:05,725 --> 00:10:07,759
How else is he getting
this information?
166
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,062
Wait a minute.
You might be right.
167
00:10:11,063 --> 00:10:12,897
What's up, doc?
168
00:10:14,734 --> 00:10:18,169
No, not tonight.
You-know-who's gonna be here.
169
00:10:18,170 --> 00:10:21,607
Do you actually think
that's funny?
Yes.
170
00:10:24,344 --> 00:10:26,778
Honey, he's stealing
all my lighting ideas.
171
00:10:26,779 --> 00:10:30,716
Tim, you really think
doc johnson has nothing better
to do than spy on you?
172
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:34,686
He's a retired proctologist.
Spying on us is a lot more fun
than what he used to do.
173
00:10:37,590 --> 00:10:38,690
What is that?
174
00:10:38,691 --> 00:10:40,992
It's rudolf's nose.
175
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:46,965
I don't even wanna see
the rest of him.
176
00:10:46,966 --> 00:10:48,333
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
177
00:10:50,035 --> 00:10:52,304
Dad.
What is it?
178
00:10:52,305 --> 00:10:56,508
I think
I know where doc johnson's
been getting his information.
179
00:10:56,509 --> 00:11:00,779
Me too. I think it's your mom.
She's a double agent.
180
00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:02,046
No.
181
00:11:02,047 --> 00:11:05,150
He's been getting
his information from me.
182
00:11:05,151 --> 00:11:07,586
Wait a minute.
Say that again.
183
00:11:07,587 --> 00:11:11,690
Well, you see, I was
talking to doc johnson's
granddaughter, lauren,
184
00:11:11,691 --> 00:11:14,225
And I kind of mentioned
a few things.
185
00:11:14,226 --> 00:11:16,261
I can't believe
you'd do that.
186
00:11:16,262 --> 00:11:20,432
You know there's
no secret more important than
a family's lighting strategy.
187
00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:23,402
She's really cute.
188
00:11:23,403 --> 00:11:25,804
She kept pumping me
for information.
189
00:11:25,805 --> 00:11:28,907
No matter how hard
I tried to resist,
I couldn't.
190
00:11:28,908 --> 00:11:30,709
Mmm.
191
00:11:30,710 --> 00:11:32,243
Been there.
192
00:11:36,015 --> 00:11:37,949
She smile at you like this?
193
00:11:39,552 --> 00:11:42,954
If she'd smiled at me like that,
I would've thrown up.
194
00:11:45,257 --> 00:11:49,795
(♪ grunts "jingle bells")
195
00:11:54,266 --> 00:11:56,868
Hey, boys! Come on,
we're gonna be late.
196
00:12:00,406 --> 00:12:02,341
Brad, you're not
dressed for church!
197
00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:03,875
I know. I'm not going.
198
00:12:03,876 --> 00:12:05,877
If he's not going,
I'm not going.
199
00:12:05,878 --> 00:12:07,879
And if they're not,
I'm not.
200
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:11,316
Hey. You are all going.
You two, you go out and wait
in the car, all right?
201
00:12:11,317 --> 00:12:14,453
Brad, what do you mean
you're not going?
202
00:12:14,454 --> 00:12:18,523
Well, if I can't go skiing,
I don't see why I have to
go to church.
203
00:12:18,524 --> 00:12:21,760
Because god said,
"come and worship,"
not, "go and slalom."
204
00:12:24,864 --> 00:12:28,567
Honey, you can't stay home.
Mark's gonna sing tonight.
205
00:12:28,568 --> 00:12:30,034
So?
206
00:12:30,035 --> 00:12:33,338
So get up and
get dressed for church.
Be down in five minutes.
207
00:12:33,339 --> 00:12:36,842
Because mom wants
the whole stupid family
to be together?
208
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:38,710
If that's your attitude,
stay home.
209
00:12:38,711 --> 00:12:41,079
No. Don't let him off
that easy.
210
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:45,183
If he's gonna be obnoxious,
I'd just as soon he didn't
ruin christmas eve for us.
211
00:12:45,184 --> 00:12:47,786
You've already ruined it
for me.
Well, I am so sorry.
212
00:12:47,787 --> 00:12:49,621
Stay in your room.
213
00:12:49,622 --> 00:12:52,691
No sneaking downstairs
to watch that
tool time marathon.
214
00:12:57,196 --> 00:13:00,565
(♪ organist plays
"the first noel")
215
00:13:00,566 --> 00:13:03,502
Oh, the taylors!
Merry christmas.
Merry christmas.
216
00:13:03,503 --> 00:13:05,704
You look wonderful.
Merry christmas.
217
00:13:05,705 --> 00:13:08,072
Thank you, tim.
Same to you.
218
00:13:08,073 --> 00:13:11,376
Tim, I've never
seen you at church
without your earplug.
219
00:13:11,377 --> 00:13:13,978
No football game
on tonight?
220
00:13:13,979 --> 00:13:16,114
That was one Sunday,
all right, reverend.
221
00:13:16,115 --> 00:13:18,216
I-I-I pray
during halftime.
222
00:13:18,217 --> 00:13:19,885
Yeah, I remember
that prayer.
223
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:23,789
"o heavenly father,
please let the lions kick butt."
224
00:13:23,790 --> 00:13:26,991
Mark, maybe you should
change into your robe.
225
00:13:26,992 --> 00:13:28,993
Do I have to?
I look like a geek.
226
00:13:28,994 --> 00:13:31,763
Oh, honey,
you look great.
For a geek.
227
00:13:31,764 --> 00:13:33,264
(tim) randy.
228
00:13:33,265 --> 00:13:35,667
(jill) no, no, no, no, no.
229
00:13:35,668 --> 00:13:38,236
Reverend, the lights look
a little dim on the tree.
230
00:13:38,237 --> 00:13:40,138
I could boost the power,
get some lights for the service.
231
00:13:40,139 --> 00:13:42,574
No. No, thank you,
tim.
232
00:13:42,575 --> 00:13:44,609
I don't think tonight
is the night
233
00:13:44,610 --> 00:13:47,813
To test our new
sprinkler system.
234
00:13:47,814 --> 00:13:50,048
Where's brad
this evening?
Oh, boy...
235
00:13:50,049 --> 00:13:52,751
He's not feeling well.
Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that.
236
00:13:52,752 --> 00:13:56,421
Well, maybe we'll see
all the taylors together
next christmas.
237
00:13:56,422 --> 00:13:58,222
"not feeling well"?
238
00:13:58,223 --> 00:14:00,792
You lied in church
on christmas eve?
239
00:14:02,361 --> 00:14:05,196
Watch out for lightning bolts.
God doesn't like that stuff.
240
00:14:05,197 --> 00:14:07,231
At least I'm not begging
the almighty
241
00:14:07,232 --> 00:14:09,801
For two touchdowns
and a field goal.
242
00:14:09,802 --> 00:14:11,937
Merry christmas.
Hi, al.
243
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:14,005
Merry christmas.
Merry christmas.
244
00:14:14,006 --> 00:14:17,342
Here, scooch over.
Don't crowd.
I'll take a pew behind you.
245
00:14:17,343 --> 00:14:19,511
Most people
use the bathroom, al.
246
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:25,951
Where's ilene?
247
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:28,620
She had
an orthodontic emergency
248
00:14:28,621 --> 00:14:31,089
At the junior-high
christmas play.
249
00:14:31,090 --> 00:14:34,359
Joseph and mary got their
braces stuck together.
250
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,895
I hope she gets here in time
to see mark.
251
00:14:36,896 --> 00:14:41,633
I just saw him down the hall
in his... His little robe.
252
00:14:41,634 --> 00:14:44,469
Boy, you know,
I always wanted to be
the letter "n."
253
00:14:46,438 --> 00:14:50,274
That's impossible, al.
The song specifically
says "no al."
254
00:14:56,248 --> 00:14:58,717
♪ no al, no al
255
00:14:58,718 --> 00:15:01,419
♪ no al, no...
Shh.
256
00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:02,654
♪ al ♪
257
00:15:04,891 --> 00:15:07,291
Well, where's bradley?
258
00:15:07,292 --> 00:15:09,928
He's spending christmas eve
alone in his room sulking.
259
00:15:09,929 --> 00:15:12,130
It's his way
of rebelling.
260
00:15:12,131 --> 00:15:13,999
Oh, yeah, well...
261
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,636
I remember my first
christmas rebellion.
262
00:15:17,637 --> 00:15:19,504
I was so mad.
263
00:15:19,505 --> 00:15:23,474
My parents went out and bought
an artificial tree.
264
00:15:23,475 --> 00:15:28,079
The whole christmas
I refused to sing
"o tannenbaum."
265
00:15:29,649 --> 00:15:31,816
Oh, my.
266
00:15:31,817 --> 00:15:35,420
You were a bad,
bad borland.
267
00:15:38,157 --> 00:15:40,358
You all right?
Yeah, I'm ok.
268
00:15:43,128 --> 00:15:45,063
It was a long time ago.
269
00:15:49,101 --> 00:15:50,435
I mean, are you ok?
270
00:15:50,436 --> 00:15:54,138
No. Mark's singing.
It's christmas.
271
00:15:54,139 --> 00:15:56,741
I want the whole family
to be together.
272
00:15:56,742 --> 00:15:59,077
Why'd you make brad
stay home?
273
00:15:59,078 --> 00:16:02,047
I'd have loved
to drag him here
against his will.
274
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:04,148
That's a great vision
for christmas -
275
00:16:04,149 --> 00:16:08,086
The four of us singing hymns,
you with brad in a headlock.
276
00:16:08,087 --> 00:16:12,824
It just
doesn't seem like christmas
without us all being together.
277
00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:20,899
Excuse me.
Where are you going?
278
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,534
Off to the little boys' room
to take a pew.
279
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:38,549
Jeez, dad, what are you
doing here?
280
00:16:38,550 --> 00:16:42,854
I came home to get you.
My question is, what are you
doing with the skis?
281
00:16:42,855 --> 00:16:45,289
Uh, I... I was gonna
donate 'em to the needy.
282
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:51,096
Yeah. Yeah, that's
just what they need down there
at the mission. Food and skis.
283
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,564
Look, dad, I explained it all
in the note.
284
00:16:53,565 --> 00:16:55,967
Well, it better
be a good one.
285
00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:03,008
"went skiing. Brad."
286
00:17:03,009 --> 00:17:05,543
Your mom and I
specifically said
you don't go skiing,
287
00:17:05,544 --> 00:17:07,545
And you were gonna
disobey us.
288
00:17:07,546 --> 00:17:09,514
I wasn't disobeying you.
289
00:17:09,515 --> 00:17:11,816
You said I couldn't
go with the wheelers,
and I'm not.
290
00:17:11,817 --> 00:17:14,519
Well, how are you gonna
get there?
Hitchhike.
291
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,521
Hitchhike?
Sit down over here.
292
00:17:16,522 --> 00:17:18,823
All I wanted to do
was be with my friends.
293
00:17:18,824 --> 00:17:21,459
A lot of people I like
are gonna be down there.
294
00:17:21,460 --> 00:17:24,763
Christmas is not about
being with people you like!
295
00:17:26,365 --> 00:17:29,734
It's about being with
your family.
296
00:17:31,570 --> 00:17:34,873
Dad, it's just one christmas.
It's not that big a deal.
297
00:17:34,874 --> 00:17:36,975
Well, it is to your mom
and to me and to me.
298
00:17:41,647 --> 00:17:44,849
I can't believe
you'd be this selfish.
299
00:17:44,850 --> 00:17:47,385
Listen to me. Um...
300
00:17:47,386 --> 00:17:49,387
In a couple years,
you'll be 18.
301
00:17:49,388 --> 00:17:52,390
You'll be off to college...
Or a good trade school.
302
00:17:54,193 --> 00:17:55,994
And we won't see you.
303
00:17:55,995 --> 00:17:58,897
But, dad, I'll come home.
304
00:17:58,898 --> 00:18:01,900
You'll come a couple
christmases. But then you'll get
married, and I'll never see you.
305
00:18:01,901 --> 00:18:05,904
Your mom's family lives
in texas, mine's in colorado.
We never see them for holidays.
306
00:18:05,905 --> 00:18:10,108
You don't know how many
christmases we have together.
I won't be around forever.
307
00:18:10,109 --> 00:18:11,910
What do you mean?
308
00:18:11,911 --> 00:18:13,745
Face the facts.
309
00:18:13,746 --> 00:18:15,747
You've seen the stunts
I pull on tool time.
310
00:18:15,748 --> 00:18:17,682
I can't keep
dodging the bullet.
311
00:18:19,518 --> 00:18:22,486
I gotta get back to church
and see your brother sing.
312
00:18:22,487 --> 00:18:26,457
You can sit here and think about
what a merry christmas
you've made this.
313
00:18:40,873 --> 00:18:43,775
Well, I checked in every
stall in the bathroom -
314
00:18:43,776 --> 00:18:46,344
Men's and women's.
315
00:18:46,345 --> 00:18:48,546
Boy, was mrs. Lindsay
surprised.
316
00:18:48,547 --> 00:18:52,316
I wonder where he is.
317
00:18:52,317 --> 00:18:55,553
Maybe he decided to go home
and set up his christmas lights.
318
00:18:55,554 --> 00:18:59,390
You really think he'd
rather set up the lights
than hear mark sing?
319
00:18:59,391 --> 00:19:01,159
What was I thinking?
320
00:19:12,004 --> 00:19:13,304
Who's leon?
321
00:19:14,907 --> 00:19:18,709
Maybe leon was born
in the manger next door.
322
00:19:22,648 --> 00:19:24,215
(pitch pipe blows)
323
00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:28,987
♪ the first noel
324
00:19:28,988 --> 00:19:32,290
♪ the angels did say
325
00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:36,127
♪ was to certain
poor shepherds
326
00:19:36,128 --> 00:19:39,530
♪ in fields as they lay
327
00:19:39,531 --> 00:19:43,467
♪ in fields where they...
328
00:19:43,468 --> 00:19:46,070
Where've you been?
I-I went home and I...
329
00:19:46,071 --> 00:19:49,974
I was hoping to have
a little surprise for you,
and, um...
330
00:19:49,975 --> 00:19:52,343
Hi, mom.
Brad!
331
00:19:52,344 --> 00:19:54,578
Scooch over.
332
00:19:54,579 --> 00:19:58,249
Oh, honey.
I'm so glad you came.
333
00:19:59,685 --> 00:20:01,986
If you're so glad,
how come you're crying?
334
00:20:03,189 --> 00:20:06,624
I get a little emotional
around the holidays.
335
00:20:06,625 --> 00:20:08,659
I see I'm not the only one.
336
00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:10,695
Oh, no.
This isn't emotion.
337
00:20:10,696 --> 00:20:12,630
It's al. He's not wearing
any deodorant.
338
00:20:18,537 --> 00:20:20,872
I don't think so, tim.
339
00:20:26,045 --> 00:20:29,914
♪ noel, noel
340
00:20:29,915 --> 00:20:34,385
♪ noel, noel
341
00:20:34,386 --> 00:20:37,621
♪ born is the king
342
00:20:37,622 --> 00:20:41,492
♪ of israel
343
00:20:41,493 --> 00:20:45,563
♪ noel, noel
344
00:20:45,564 --> 00:20:50,068
♪ noel, noel
345
00:20:50,069 --> 00:20:53,271
♪ born is the king
346
00:20:53,272 --> 00:20:57,308
♪ of israel ♪
347
00:21:02,047 --> 00:21:05,416
Hey, guys, come on. Hurry up.
The contest's about to start.
348
00:21:05,417 --> 00:21:09,254
Gee! I don't know, tim.
There's an awful lot
of lights here.
349
00:21:09,255 --> 00:21:12,257
We'll have to
take out a mortgage
to pay the electric bill.
350
00:21:12,258 --> 00:21:14,893
All right, dad.
Let her rip.
351
00:21:14,894 --> 00:21:17,128
No, wait a minute.
I think we should
say a prayer first.
352
00:21:17,129 --> 00:21:20,531
Please, lord,
don't let our house blow up.
353
00:21:22,634 --> 00:21:23,935
Amen.
Amen.
354
00:21:23,936 --> 00:21:27,171
Wait, get back.
All right, guys.
355
00:21:27,172 --> 00:21:28,940
Cross your fingers. Ready?
356
00:21:30,109 --> 00:21:31,142
(all gasp)
357
00:21:31,143 --> 00:21:33,278
(tim laughs)
358
00:21:33,279 --> 00:21:36,814
(jill) looks wonderful.
(randy) awesome.
359
00:21:36,815 --> 00:21:38,783
(brad) cool.
(mark) wow.
360
00:21:38,784 --> 00:21:43,487
(wilson) oh, oh, oh, tim,
that is a lovely use of neon.
361
00:21:43,488 --> 00:21:46,991
Reminds me of the christmas
I spent in las vegas.
362
00:21:46,992 --> 00:21:48,793
(tim) you really like it,
wilson?
363
00:21:48,794 --> 00:21:51,662
You've reached the apex
of your christmas
decorating career.
364
00:21:51,663 --> 00:21:53,764
I hope I can convince
those stupid judges of that.
365
00:21:53,765 --> 00:21:55,900
There's only one judge.
Just one?
366
00:21:55,901 --> 00:21:57,168
Mm-hmm. And it's me.
367
00:21:57,169 --> 00:22:00,038
Did I say stupid?
I meant stupendous.
368
00:22:00,039 --> 00:22:02,240
(laughs)
369
00:22:02,241 --> 00:22:05,709
If you're the judge,
we've kinda got a leg up
on the competition.
370
00:22:05,710 --> 00:22:09,013
Well, I don't know.
Doc johnson's display
is very effective.
371
00:22:09,014 --> 00:22:11,715
Plus, I used to be
a patient of his.
Huh?
372
00:22:13,885 --> 00:22:17,655
Brad, you put blitzen's light
in rudolf's nose.
373
00:22:17,656 --> 00:22:20,358
Tim, does one bulb
make that big a difference?
374
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,261
Yes. I'm a perfectionist.
Wilson, hold off the judging
till I get this finished.
375
00:22:23,262 --> 00:22:24,262
Mm-hmm.
376
00:22:26,832 --> 00:22:29,633
Be careful up there.
It's slippery.
377
00:22:29,634 --> 00:22:30,734
Don't worry, honey.
378
00:22:30,735 --> 00:22:34,105
Yeah, I've heard that before.
379
00:22:37,409 --> 00:22:39,410
Oh.
380
00:22:39,411 --> 00:22:42,981
Hey, dad, be careful
if the light bulb is wet.
381
00:22:42,982 --> 00:22:44,315
It'll be fine.
382
00:22:44,316 --> 00:22:45,984
(electricity arcing)
383
00:22:45,985 --> 00:22:49,120
Well, good golly, taylors,
I think you won the contest.
384
00:22:49,121 --> 00:22:52,490
I did not realize
there was a full-size
electric tim on the roof.
385
00:22:54,493 --> 00:22:58,096
(brad) hey, dad,
we're coming up!
Hurry!
386
00:23:04,336 --> 00:23:05,903
Happy holidays!
387
00:23:05,904 --> 00:23:07,305
Happy holidays!
388
00:23:07,306 --> 00:23:09,607
(♪ all grunt "jingle bells")