1 00:00:02,656 --> 00:00:05,791 Fuses in, wired up. 2 00:00:05,792 --> 00:00:07,827 I'm gonna try the horn. Cover your ears, mark. 3 00:00:09,462 --> 00:00:11,631 Aah! 4 00:00:15,535 --> 00:00:18,370 Dad, the horn is blinding me! 5 00:00:21,074 --> 00:00:23,009 Just a crossed wire, son. 6 00:00:23,010 --> 00:00:25,011 That's what it's gonna say on your tombstone - 7 00:00:25,012 --> 00:00:27,579 "it was just a crossed wire." 8 00:00:27,580 --> 00:00:31,350 We've gotta get in the kitchen and start making those cupcakes for the school carnival. 9 00:00:31,351 --> 00:00:35,320 Honey, there's one thing you should know about men - we don't make cupcakes. 10 00:00:35,321 --> 00:00:38,257 Come on, you promised me that you'd help me. 11 00:00:38,258 --> 00:00:42,361 Another thing you should know about men - we lie. 12 00:00:42,362 --> 00:00:44,997 Tim, I have thousands of those things to make. 13 00:00:44,998 --> 00:00:48,267 I can't believe you're not gonna pitch in and help with this carnival. 14 00:00:48,268 --> 00:00:49,635 I did pitch in. 15 00:00:49,636 --> 00:00:51,837 Don't forget about my "stump the tool man" booth. 16 00:00:51,838 --> 00:00:53,172 How could I forget? 17 00:00:53,173 --> 00:00:57,109 Last year, you kept getting stumped by that 12-year-old. 18 00:00:57,110 --> 00:01:00,012 Did you get the cardboard cutouts for the photo booth? 19 00:01:00,013 --> 00:01:02,447 Yeah, right over here. 20 00:01:02,448 --> 00:01:04,016 This is for the men... 21 00:01:07,854 --> 00:01:11,456 (imitates arnold schwarzenegger) maria! Maria! 22 00:01:11,457 --> 00:01:14,193 I can't itch my own back! 23 00:01:15,295 --> 00:01:16,996 And for the women... 24 00:01:16,997 --> 00:01:18,731 (jill laughs) 25 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,902 Hi. It's lovely, tim. 26 00:01:22,903 --> 00:01:26,638 Her thumb is on the wrong side of her right hand, and she has no left arm. 27 00:01:29,009 --> 00:01:31,744 I didn't even notice that she had any arms. 28 00:02:42,182 --> 00:02:44,549 What do you think? Could we put the kids in the middle? 29 00:02:50,090 --> 00:02:53,358 Gotcha! Gotcha again! Gotcha back! 30 00:02:53,359 --> 00:02:55,360 What are you guys doing? 31 00:02:55,361 --> 00:02:58,764 We're doing our taxes. What's it look like? 32 00:02:58,765 --> 00:03:00,032 I got winner. 33 00:03:00,033 --> 00:03:01,934 I was here first. I've got winner. 34 00:03:01,935 --> 00:03:04,036 No way we're playing you. You stink. 35 00:03:04,037 --> 00:03:06,605 You stink even worse than dad. 36 00:03:06,606 --> 00:03:10,142 Hey, a little respect. I stink the most. 37 00:03:10,143 --> 00:03:12,044 I've seen mark play. He could beat you guys. 38 00:03:12,045 --> 00:03:13,312 No way. Gotcha! 39 00:03:13,313 --> 00:03:15,815 Gotcha! How about a little wager? 40 00:03:15,816 --> 00:03:18,617 If mark beats the winner, you both clean the basement. 41 00:03:18,618 --> 00:03:23,088 If you can beat him, the movies all afternoon on me. 42 00:03:23,089 --> 00:03:25,624 (computer) kill! 43 00:03:25,625 --> 00:03:26,658 Well? 44 00:03:26,659 --> 00:03:28,794 I accept the challenge. Have a seat. 45 00:03:28,795 --> 00:03:30,896 One game, winner take all? 46 00:03:30,897 --> 00:03:33,199 You guys got your jockstraps on? 47 00:03:35,035 --> 00:03:36,568 All right, here we go. 48 00:03:36,569 --> 00:03:38,938 One, two, three, go! 49 00:03:38,939 --> 00:03:40,672 Go, go. What are you doing? 50 00:03:40,673 --> 00:03:42,842 Ha-ha! 51 00:03:42,843 --> 00:03:44,810 (computer) kill! I win! 52 00:03:51,051 --> 00:03:53,219 When you guys are down there cleaning that basement, 53 00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:55,855 Don't touch those hot-rod magazines. That's your inheritance. 54 00:03:58,624 --> 00:04:00,625 How could you let him beat you? 55 00:04:00,626 --> 00:04:03,395 I was overconfident. I'm used to playing dad. 56 00:04:04,865 --> 00:04:06,431 Hi, sweetie. Hi, mom. 57 00:04:08,168 --> 00:04:10,769 Hi, jill. Hi. 58 00:04:10,770 --> 00:04:13,505 I just heard the most depressing story. 59 00:04:13,506 --> 00:04:16,775 I suppose you're gonna share it with me? Yes, I am. 60 00:04:16,776 --> 00:04:19,444 I've been researching that article on plastic surgery. 61 00:04:19,445 --> 00:04:23,715 I just interviewed a woman who bought herself a whole new body 62 00:04:23,716 --> 00:04:28,020 Because her husband left her for a younger woman. 63 00:04:28,021 --> 00:04:31,090 They were married 12 years, had four kids. 64 00:04:32,859 --> 00:04:34,860 She made a big mistake. 65 00:04:34,861 --> 00:04:37,129 I'm glad you feel that way. 66 00:04:37,130 --> 00:04:41,300 Had she had this surgery some time ago, she could have saved the marriage. 67 00:04:47,407 --> 00:04:49,441 You've come a long way, tim. 68 00:04:49,442 --> 00:04:52,511 Listen, jill... After 12 years of marriage and all those kids, 69 00:04:52,512 --> 00:04:55,847 Women tend to let themselves go, spread out. 70 00:04:55,848 --> 00:04:58,150 Most men aren't as forgiving as I am. 71 00:05:01,988 --> 00:05:06,858 Excuse me. Did you say that you have forgiven me for letting myself go? 72 00:05:06,859 --> 00:05:09,528 No, that's not what I said. 73 00:05:09,529 --> 00:05:13,933 That is exactly what you said. 74 00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:16,168 Well, I didn't mean that. 75 00:05:16,169 --> 00:05:17,937 What did you mean? 76 00:05:25,645 --> 00:05:29,114 I... I mean... 77 00:05:29,115 --> 00:05:32,717 Those tigers have a shot at the pennant with good pitching this year. 78 00:05:35,188 --> 00:05:37,189 Does everybody know what time it is? 79 00:05:37,190 --> 00:05:39,191 (all) tool time! 80 00:05:39,192 --> 00:05:41,193 That's right. Binford tools is proud to present 81 00:05:41,194 --> 00:05:43,695 Tim "the tool man" taylor! Whoo! 82 00:05:48,568 --> 00:05:51,736 Thank you, heidi, and welcome to tool time. 83 00:05:51,737 --> 00:05:53,238 I'm tim "the tool man" taylor, 84 00:05:53,239 --> 00:05:55,874 And you all know my assistant - al "table for one" borland. 85 00:05:57,477 --> 00:06:00,112 Need I remind you that I now have a significant other? 86 00:06:00,113 --> 00:06:03,315 Oh, I'm sorry. It's al "table for two" borland. 87 00:06:03,316 --> 00:06:07,286 But if his mom's dining with him, it's al "table for seven" borland. 88 00:06:07,287 --> 00:06:11,056 "al, where's the salad bar?" (moos) 89 00:06:12,625 --> 00:06:14,860 We're gonna show you how to refinish a table today, 90 00:06:14,861 --> 00:06:17,463 And we'll show you the steps necessary using these three tables, 91 00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:20,499 All of which we bought for $3 at a garage sale. 92 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:23,135 Actually, I bought them, and you haven't reimbursed me yet. 93 00:06:23,136 --> 00:06:26,071 Before we refinish, let's decide what kind of wood we're dealing with. 94 00:06:26,072 --> 00:06:29,674 A simple pat underneath will tell you if you're dealing with raw wood or - 95 00:06:29,675 --> 00:06:31,477 Eww - old chewing gum. 96 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,545 Al can actually determine what flavor it is 97 00:06:33,546 --> 00:06:35,680 Just by tasting it. Take a try. 98 00:06:35,681 --> 00:06:38,017 I don't think so, tim. 99 00:06:38,018 --> 00:06:41,387 Now, the underside of this table has been painted, 100 00:06:41,388 --> 00:06:43,455 So, marv, if you wanna come down here... 101 00:06:43,456 --> 00:06:46,358 We're gonna chip away a little bit of the paint there, 102 00:06:46,359 --> 00:06:48,360 Find out what we're dealing with. 103 00:06:48,361 --> 00:06:52,297 It's maple, one of my favorite types of wood. 104 00:06:52,298 --> 00:06:54,299 Yeah, and syrup. Ha-ha-ha. 105 00:06:57,070 --> 00:07:02,474 All right, so next step after you've identified the type of wood 106 00:07:02,475 --> 00:07:05,044 Is, uh, stripping the wood. 107 00:07:05,045 --> 00:07:07,079 Now, obviously, we've stripped this side. 108 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,848 We used insta-strip by binford. 109 00:07:09,849 --> 00:07:12,684 After you finish stripping, acknowledge your applause, 110 00:07:12,685 --> 00:07:14,653 Gather up your clothes and head back to your trailer. 111 00:07:19,292 --> 00:07:22,394 All right, now we're ready for sanding. 112 00:07:22,395 --> 00:07:26,598 In this case, you wanna use binford's 6100 palm sander. 113 00:07:26,599 --> 00:07:28,600 If you don't own a palm sander, 114 00:07:28,601 --> 00:07:30,602 Use a sanding attachment to any binford drill. 115 00:07:30,603 --> 00:07:32,637 Don't use an attachment on fine furniture 116 00:07:32,638 --> 00:07:35,006 Because it will leave unsightly swirl marks. 117 00:07:35,007 --> 00:07:36,575 Says who? Everybody. 118 00:07:38,311 --> 00:07:40,379 And you listen to what everybody says? 119 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:41,947 Unless it's you. 120 00:07:47,587 --> 00:07:49,588 I'll show you, al. I'll prove it to you. 121 00:07:49,589 --> 00:07:52,357 Heidi, my super-sander, please. 122 00:07:52,358 --> 00:07:54,926 Here you go, tim. Thank you, heidi. 123 00:07:54,927 --> 00:07:56,161 Thank you. 124 00:07:57,730 --> 00:07:59,965 Before you sand this table, will you reimburse me? 125 00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:10,775 It's stuck in the middle! Move it around! 126 00:08:10,776 --> 00:08:14,446 Don't leave it in one spot! You'll wreck it! 127 00:08:14,447 --> 00:08:16,215 How do you know? 128 00:08:23,889 --> 00:08:27,726 Now all we need is a square peg. 129 00:08:27,727 --> 00:08:29,495 Al, hop in! 130 00:08:38,238 --> 00:08:40,272 Whoa! 131 00:08:40,273 --> 00:08:43,775 Check out this babe on dad's hot-rod magazine. 132 00:08:45,845 --> 00:08:48,580 Whoa. One question. 133 00:08:48,581 --> 00:08:51,950 Who works on a car in a bikini and high heels? 134 00:08:51,951 --> 00:08:54,853 I do. Oh! 135 00:08:57,890 --> 00:08:59,891 Unless I'm working under the car. 136 00:08:59,892 --> 00:09:02,827 Then I go with a halter top and flats. 137 00:09:02,828 --> 00:09:06,265 You're supposed to be working on the basement, not gawking at my car magazines. 138 00:09:06,266 --> 00:09:09,635 Dad, we've been working all morning. We needed a babe break. 139 00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,803 Don't call her that. She's got a name. 140 00:09:11,804 --> 00:09:14,473 Ohh... 141 00:09:14,474 --> 00:09:18,310 That's miss dual exhaust 1984. 142 00:09:18,311 --> 00:09:21,346 Get back to work, guys. Let me do the gawking. 143 00:09:21,347 --> 00:09:24,383 Well, you're allowed to gawk, aren't you, dad? 144 00:09:24,384 --> 00:09:27,619 I don't gawk. I've got all the babe I need right upstairs. 145 00:09:27,620 --> 00:09:29,921 Does mom know about her? 146 00:09:31,924 --> 00:09:37,162 All right, wise guy, come here and look at these. 147 00:09:37,163 --> 00:09:38,564 Who's that? 148 00:09:38,565 --> 00:09:41,233 Whoa! 149 00:09:42,468 --> 00:09:44,736 She's a babe! 150 00:09:44,737 --> 00:09:47,172 She's your mom! 151 00:09:50,042 --> 00:09:53,212 I just called my mom a babe. 152 00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:56,248 Who's the good-looking guy next to her in this picture? 153 00:09:56,249 --> 00:09:59,518 That would be... Not me. 154 00:09:59,519 --> 00:10:02,954 There's a lot of "not you's" in this box, dad. 155 00:10:02,955 --> 00:10:06,291 The important thing is, I'm with her now, beanhead. 156 00:10:06,292 --> 00:10:10,229 Why would mom pick you out of all these good-looking guys? 157 00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:12,431 I was good-looking as these guys once. 158 00:10:12,432 --> 00:10:14,799 You had to be better looking than that geek. 159 00:10:16,703 --> 00:10:19,705 I'd say that geek's pretty good-looking, actually. 160 00:10:23,276 --> 00:10:25,744 The geek is dad. 161 00:10:35,388 --> 00:10:37,589 This is what tim picked for the carnival. 162 00:10:37,590 --> 00:10:40,592 It figures. That's what all men want. 163 00:10:40,593 --> 00:10:42,628 Oh, no, not al. 164 00:10:42,629 --> 00:10:45,997 Al too. Last time we went miniature golfing, 165 00:10:45,998 --> 00:10:49,368 There was a woman ahead of us wearing a skin-tight t-shirt. 166 00:10:49,369 --> 00:10:52,771 It's the only time I've ever seen al go 28 over par. 167 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,575 I'm so disillusioned. 168 00:10:56,576 --> 00:10:57,909 All right, let me try. 169 00:11:01,281 --> 00:11:03,482 I bet you those aren't even real. 170 00:11:06,486 --> 00:11:09,421 They're a lot more real than some I've been seeing lately. 171 00:11:09,422 --> 00:11:11,222 Excuse me? 172 00:11:11,223 --> 00:11:14,125 I'm doing research for that article on plastic surgery. 173 00:11:14,126 --> 00:11:16,595 I even have this computer program that shows you 174 00:11:16,596 --> 00:11:19,731 How you can change your appearance. You gotta see this. 175 00:11:19,732 --> 00:11:23,902 You can change your lips, your butt, your thighs, your waist, anything. 176 00:11:23,903 --> 00:11:26,538 Here, let me... Yeah, well... 177 00:11:26,539 --> 00:11:28,307 Ok, watch this. 178 00:11:30,142 --> 00:11:32,444 That's amazing. 179 00:11:32,445 --> 00:11:34,946 Now watch this. If you press b, 180 00:11:34,947 --> 00:11:38,583 Your breasts just get bigger and more torpedo-like. 181 00:11:39,652 --> 00:11:43,021 Ew, isn't that gross? 182 00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:45,290 Wow! What? 183 00:11:45,291 --> 00:11:46,958 Wow! 184 00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:50,094 Are you saying you think I'd look good like that? 185 00:11:55,501 --> 00:11:57,969 No. It was a general wow. 186 00:11:57,970 --> 00:11:59,738 General wow? 187 00:11:59,739 --> 00:12:03,308 The famous chinese military guy - general wow... 188 00:12:04,477 --> 00:12:06,945 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 189 00:12:06,946 --> 00:12:08,980 You saw that picture of me 190 00:12:08,981 --> 00:12:10,915 And said "wow" with your tongue hanging out. 191 00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:15,387 I did not. You can't say "wow" with your tongue hanging out... 192 00:12:15,388 --> 00:12:18,289 Wuhhhow. 193 00:12:18,290 --> 00:12:21,092 I guess this'd be a good time for me to be going. Bye, tim. 194 00:12:21,093 --> 00:12:23,528 Bye-bye. See you later. 195 00:12:23,529 --> 00:12:26,130 Thank you so much for helping me with all the cupcakes. 196 00:12:26,131 --> 00:12:30,736 Yeah, I love cupcakes. Big, ample cupcakes. 197 00:12:38,478 --> 00:12:40,512 Jill, you gotta see this. 198 00:12:40,513 --> 00:12:42,547 Now I know why they call it "the boob tube." look at this. 199 00:12:44,984 --> 00:12:47,352 Tim, what are you doing? 200 00:12:47,353 --> 00:12:49,755 I'm just playing around with the thing. 201 00:12:49,756 --> 00:12:51,857 They look like hot-air balloons. 202 00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,859 You could travel around the world with those. 203 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,694 Look out, honey, they're gonna blow! 204 00:12:57,830 --> 00:13:00,399 Could you be any more obnoxious? 205 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,434 Is that a request? I'm just playing with the thing. 206 00:13:02,435 --> 00:13:05,036 Tim, there are women whose self-esteem is so low, 207 00:13:05,037 --> 00:13:07,706 They're actually doing this to their bodies. 208 00:13:07,707 --> 00:13:10,409 That is horrible. Sorry. 209 00:13:10,410 --> 00:13:12,611 Now, how would I make your butt a little smaller? 210 00:13:19,619 --> 00:13:21,686 Maybe I'll just sleep down here tonight. 211 00:13:25,958 --> 00:13:28,226 You're done with your research. Why is the computer hooked up? 212 00:13:28,227 --> 00:13:31,362 Come over here. I want you to see something. 213 00:13:31,363 --> 00:13:33,364 Hey, there's a good-looking guy. 214 00:13:33,365 --> 00:13:35,767 Here. 215 00:13:35,768 --> 00:13:42,474 Take this keyboard and show me what you think is my ideal tim. 216 00:13:42,475 --> 00:13:44,242 Sounds like fun. What do I gotta do? 217 00:13:44,243 --> 00:13:46,678 You hit d for delts, b for biceps, 218 00:13:46,679 --> 00:13:49,414 W for waist, p for pecs. 219 00:13:49,415 --> 00:13:51,850 Are you sure p is for pecs? 220 00:13:54,687 --> 00:13:56,788 Just press the p. 221 00:14:00,993 --> 00:14:04,930 There we go. "the timinator." 222 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,632 You are so far off. 223 00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:10,869 Let me show you my ideal tim. 224 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,941 That's it? 225 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:17,976 Yeah. 226 00:14:17,977 --> 00:14:21,980 Tim... It's you that I find sexy. 227 00:14:21,981 --> 00:14:24,048 And whatever changes that you go through, 228 00:14:24,049 --> 00:14:26,417 I'm gonna find those sexy, too. 229 00:14:26,418 --> 00:14:28,587 Even if you look like this. 230 00:14:39,198 --> 00:14:40,999 Yikes. Or this. 231 00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:52,410 Ok, I've told you how I feel. I wanna know how you feel. 232 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,714 Do you want me the way I look now, 233 00:14:55,715 --> 00:14:57,749 Or would you like me to get my tummy tucked, 234 00:14:57,750 --> 00:15:00,685 My face lifted and breasts enlarged? 235 00:15:00,686 --> 00:15:02,888 The way you are now. 236 00:15:02,889 --> 00:15:04,623 Thank you. 237 00:15:11,030 --> 00:15:12,430 Hey. 238 00:15:12,431 --> 00:15:14,032 Just out of curiosity... 239 00:15:14,033 --> 00:15:18,637 What would the other version cost us, the whole package, out the door? 240 00:15:27,379 --> 00:15:30,214 Maybe I should just live down here. 241 00:15:35,922 --> 00:15:38,156 (sniffs) something burning out here, wilson? 242 00:15:38,157 --> 00:15:40,324 No need to be alarmed, tim. 243 00:15:40,325 --> 00:15:42,827 I'm just smoking a fish. 244 00:15:42,828 --> 00:15:45,430 Regular or menthol? 245 00:15:45,431 --> 00:15:48,967 No, no, tim. I'm curing an alaskan salmon. 246 00:15:48,968 --> 00:15:51,469 My only concern is what wine to have it with. 247 00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:54,906 Love to help you, but I got a concern of my own. 248 00:15:54,907 --> 00:15:58,910 It started with me turning jill's breasts into hot-air balloons 249 00:15:58,911 --> 00:16:00,979 And getting kind of excited about it. 250 00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:03,014 I think you've finally found a problem 251 00:16:03,015 --> 00:16:04,816 That's out of my realm of expertise. 252 00:16:04,817 --> 00:16:07,085 No, you don't understand. 253 00:16:07,086 --> 00:16:09,087 She had this computer simulation 254 00:16:09,088 --> 00:16:12,256 That showed some cosmetic surgeon's alterations to her body. 255 00:16:12,257 --> 00:16:15,126 It reminded me of when she was young, when I first met her. 256 00:16:15,127 --> 00:16:16,795 I kinda liked it. 257 00:16:16,796 --> 00:16:22,734 Then, like a bonehead, I asked what it would cost to overhaul her whole body. 258 00:16:22,735 --> 00:16:25,971 Whoa, major faux pas. 259 00:16:25,972 --> 00:16:28,539 Major faux pas... 260 00:16:28,540 --> 00:16:32,410 Was he in the same campaign as general wow? 261 00:16:34,213 --> 00:16:36,748 Tim, I'm not familiar with general wow, 262 00:16:36,749 --> 00:16:39,317 But your situation reminds me of the naked ape. 263 00:16:39,318 --> 00:16:42,253 (grunts) 264 00:16:42,254 --> 00:16:44,222 That is the one exactly, tim. 265 00:16:44,223 --> 00:16:48,793 You see, the naked ape is a book which theorizes that men, like apes, 266 00:16:48,794 --> 00:16:51,496 Are instinctively drawn to younger, more fertile women 267 00:16:51,497 --> 00:16:53,531 In order to propagate the species. 268 00:16:53,532 --> 00:16:55,700 What's mrs. Naked ape attracted to? 269 00:16:55,701 --> 00:16:57,902 Unlike the male of the species, 270 00:16:57,903 --> 00:17:01,572 She instinct is be attracted to someone older and more experienced. 271 00:17:01,573 --> 00:17:04,442 Someone with more wisdom, sensitivity. 272 00:17:04,443 --> 00:17:06,978 Wait a minute. 273 00:17:06,979 --> 00:17:10,849 What you're saying is if I explain to jill it was my instincts talking, 274 00:17:10,850 --> 00:17:12,550 I'd be off the hook. 275 00:17:12,551 --> 00:17:15,053 No, no, no, no, tim. 276 00:17:15,054 --> 00:17:17,922 What I'm trying to say is you have to learn to understand your instincts, 277 00:17:17,923 --> 00:17:20,491 And then you won't be on the hook in the first place. 278 00:17:20,492 --> 00:17:22,961 Oh, yeah, sure. That'd be good. 279 00:17:24,596 --> 00:17:26,865 Yesterday, we told you how to take an old beat-up table 280 00:17:26,866 --> 00:17:28,900 And turn it into fine furniture. 281 00:17:28,901 --> 00:17:31,703 Unfortunately, tim turned it into less valuable sawdust. 282 00:17:33,472 --> 00:17:36,607 Luckily, al was able to buy us a new table. 283 00:17:36,608 --> 00:17:38,543 I did not buy this table. 284 00:17:38,544 --> 00:17:39,978 But don't be too surprised 285 00:17:39,979 --> 00:17:43,081 If it shows up on your credit-card bill. 286 00:17:43,082 --> 00:17:46,151 A lot of us have tables like this around the house. 287 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,687 A little beat-up, scratches, stains all over it. 288 00:17:48,688 --> 00:17:51,622 That's right. So what you wanna do 289 00:17:51,623 --> 00:17:54,458 Is sand it down with a normal-size sander. 290 00:17:54,459 --> 00:17:57,528 Refinish it, you'll have yourself a brand-new table. 291 00:17:57,529 --> 00:17:59,530 I can't do this to this table. 292 00:17:59,531 --> 00:18:01,700 It's all right, tim. I'll do it. 293 00:18:01,701 --> 00:18:04,468 No. I am surprised and shocked that you're so superficial. 294 00:18:05,537 --> 00:18:07,438 What? You're superficial! 295 00:18:07,439 --> 00:18:10,008 Maybe on the surface. 296 00:18:12,912 --> 00:18:15,113 Tool time isn't just about home improvement. 297 00:18:15,114 --> 00:18:18,149 It's also about male improvement. 298 00:18:18,150 --> 00:18:20,819 You see, man, by nature, 299 00:18:20,820 --> 00:18:24,288 Is just a naked ape, chain-smoking salmon. 300 00:18:27,093 --> 00:18:29,260 Our instincts would be to make this table new, 301 00:18:29,261 --> 00:18:32,296 Make it look new with plastic filler in all the nicks. 302 00:18:32,297 --> 00:18:36,701 What we should do is learn to appreciate the natural beauty inherent in this wood, 303 00:18:36,702 --> 00:18:40,905 And over the years, it's become nothing but deeper, richer and warmer. 304 00:18:40,906 --> 00:18:43,174 And more interesting. 305 00:18:43,175 --> 00:18:44,909 What are you saying, tim? 306 00:18:44,910 --> 00:18:47,812 I'm saying this table is perfect the way it is. 307 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:53,118 So our project today is to stand here and stare at this table. 308 00:18:56,255 --> 00:18:58,823 No. We could pour oil on it, 309 00:18:58,824 --> 00:19:02,260 Rub it affectionately and show the table how we love it. 310 00:19:04,329 --> 00:19:05,930 Rub with me, al. 311 00:19:21,881 --> 00:19:23,681 I think I got him cornered. 312 00:19:23,682 --> 00:19:25,817 I think you're right. 313 00:19:25,818 --> 00:19:27,852 Kiss this game goodbye. 314 00:19:30,956 --> 00:19:32,490 Checkmate. 315 00:19:32,491 --> 00:19:33,758 Goodbye. 316 00:19:37,529 --> 00:19:39,530 The dustpan and broom are in the closet, 317 00:19:39,531 --> 00:19:42,633 And you know where the attic is. 318 00:19:42,634 --> 00:19:44,468 Aw, man! 319 00:19:44,469 --> 00:19:47,205 You guys keep losing to mark, we'll have this whole house cleaned up. 320 00:19:47,206 --> 00:19:48,873 Dad, do you wanna play chess? 321 00:19:48,874 --> 00:19:51,742 You do not wanna play your old man in chess. 322 00:19:51,743 --> 00:19:52,877 Why not? 323 00:19:52,878 --> 00:19:56,514 Because I don't know how to play chess. 324 00:19:56,515 --> 00:20:00,318 Never mind. I'll go and play with my computer. 325 00:20:00,319 --> 00:20:01,519 Ok. 326 00:20:03,622 --> 00:20:06,657 Hi, mom. Hi, sweetie. 327 00:20:06,658 --> 00:20:08,659 Hi. Hi. 328 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:11,262 Did you watch tool time today? No. 329 00:20:11,263 --> 00:20:13,798 Too bad. We had a table on that reminded me of you. 330 00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:17,335 Why, was it big, flat, old and dented? 331 00:20:17,336 --> 00:20:19,503 Actually, it was quite lovely. 332 00:20:19,504 --> 00:20:21,639 Its warmth and color and character 333 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,242 Made it even more beautiful than when it was new. 334 00:20:24,243 --> 00:20:26,244 Al wanted to refinish it, 335 00:20:26,245 --> 00:20:30,315 But I really liked that table just the way it was. 336 00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:40,859 Oh, tim... It's gorgeous. 337 00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:44,595 Just like you. It expands in the middle. 338 00:20:49,869 --> 00:20:53,704 Not like you. It has extra leaves, so if we have company... 339 00:20:53,705 --> 00:20:55,773 Thank you. 340 00:20:58,077 --> 00:21:00,011 You said you wanted one for a long time. 341 00:21:00,012 --> 00:21:03,314 No, I don't mean just thank you for the table. 342 00:21:03,315 --> 00:21:08,353 I mean, thank you for listening and understanding what I was saying. 343 00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:11,356 I had one of the computer guys at work help me with that program. 344 00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:14,725 Oh, no. Oh, come on, come on. Sit down. 345 00:21:17,963 --> 00:21:21,599 Let's see if I remember. This is us... 346 00:21:27,406 --> 00:21:29,307 That's us? 347 00:21:29,308 --> 00:21:32,310 That's us in 2446. 348 00:21:32,311 --> 00:21:34,178 So we're, what, 400-some years old? 349 00:21:34,179 --> 00:21:36,514 450 years old. 350 00:21:36,515 --> 00:21:38,482 That's why we're not movin'. 351 00:21:41,287 --> 00:21:43,321 No matter how paunchy or wrinkly we get, 352 00:21:43,322 --> 00:21:45,823 We're still gonna be together and love each other. 353 00:21:48,493 --> 00:21:51,862 So I guess that just proves that love is blind. 354 00:21:51,863 --> 00:21:53,197 And there's good news. 355 00:21:53,198 --> 00:21:56,067 Our 425-year-old kids have finally left the house. 356 00:21:58,404 --> 00:22:01,172 So we can just sit around naked all day. 357 00:22:01,173 --> 00:22:03,607 No, that is a pretty picture. 358 00:22:03,608 --> 00:22:06,811 Two wrinkled-up old prunes just lying around together. 359 00:22:15,454 --> 00:22:17,388 Come on, make your move. 360 00:22:18,890 --> 00:22:20,358 I'm working on it. 361 00:22:26,332 --> 00:22:30,101 If chess is too hard for you, you could go back to tick-tack-toe. 362 00:22:32,071 --> 00:22:34,372 I'm thinking. 363 00:22:34,373 --> 00:22:37,775 Dad, you've been thinking for half an hour. 364 00:22:37,776 --> 00:22:40,178 That's a record for your father. 365 00:22:43,715 --> 00:22:45,683 Eat my dust. 366 00:22:50,055 --> 00:22:51,722 Checkmate. 367 00:22:51,723 --> 00:22:54,025 Dust my house. 368 00:23:03,469 --> 00:23:05,836 We'll show you the process on these other two tables 369 00:23:05,837 --> 00:23:08,506 That we all bought for $5 at a garage sale. 370 00:23:08,507 --> 00:23:10,741 Actually, I bought them, tim. You haven't re-bursed me yet. 371 00:23:18,550 --> 00:23:22,053 If chess is too hard for you, you could go back to tick-back-toe.