1 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:12,670 Merry Christmas. lt's Yule time here on Tool Time 2 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:18,446 Merry Christmas. You know, Christmas always reminds me of my childhood. 3 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:21,419 l used to build a snowman every year. 4 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:27,222 l used a carrot for its nose, cookies for its eyes, licorice for its smile. 5 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:32,458 Ah, that's a great story, Al. Unfortunately, Al's mom usually ate the snowman. 6 00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:37,667 One year. 7 00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:44,040 She used the carrot to make coleslaw. 8 00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:47,807 Today's Tool Time isn't about a plaid lad's Christmas. 9 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,248 Today's Tool Time is about a man's Christmas. 10 00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:57,552 And nothing says Christmas to a man like a block of ice and a Binford chainsaw. 11 00:00:57,624 --> 00:01:00,092 That's right. And today's special Tool Time guest 12 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,152 uses a chainsaw to make beautiful ice sculptures. 13 00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,720 That's right. Our guest, Chas Jensen, 14 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:10,293 is here for the Plymouth lnternational lce Sculpting Spectacular. 15 00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:13,862 So let's give him a warm... Wait. Let's give him a cool Tool Time welcome - 16 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,669 Chas Jensen! 17 00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:21,605 - Welcome to Tool Time - Thank you, Tim. 18 00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:22,875 - Chas. - Thank you, Al. 19 00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:25,247 Now, rumor has it that you can actually make 20 00:01:25,318 --> 00:01:27,912 a Christmas tree out of this block of ice in 30 seconds. 21 00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:32,321 - l can. Would you like me to demonstrate? - We didn't invite you on the show to sing. 22 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,484 OK. 23 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:01,677 (applause) 24 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,058 You know, that is fabulous. 25 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:11,120 However, the presents you put under it should be waterproof. 26 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:10,712 Oh, no. lt's the Christmas lighting contest again. 27 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:16,423 l hope you're not gonna go overboard. We could try a little subtlety for a change. 28 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:19,192 Got it covered. 29 00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:21,665 Oh, Tim! 30 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:26,264 - They were all out of the big ones. - Right. 31 00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:30,833 - Hey, no running in the house. - Mom, l have to go to the bathroom! 32 00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:34,505 Hey, hurry up, Mark, get outta there. l gotta go really bad. 33 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,742 - Why don't you use your bathroom? - l can't. 34 00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:39,114 Aunt Nancy's in there giving the babies a bath. 35 00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,346 - Use ours. - Uncle Marty's in there, 36 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:44,447 and he took five magazines with him. 37 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:49,659 Go get some of those stick matches. Whoo! 38 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:50,957 l'm out. 39 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,055 (Jill) Tim? 40 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,467 Will you please set the highchair up for lunch? 41 00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:59,300 l'll just eat at the counter. 42 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:03,776 Oh, it's so great to have babies in the house again. 43 00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:08,212 Yeah. There's nothing like a little projectile vomit to brighten up the holidays. 44 00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:10,442 Oh, come on. 45 00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:14,384 Gosh, l think this is going to be the perfect Christmas. 46 00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:18,754 You're not kidding. l think this year, my decorations are gonna beat Doc Johnson. 47 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:23,660 No. l was referring to your brother's family being here, and my parents coming. 48 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,597 Don't set yourself up. Every year your parents come, 49 00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:31,933 you end up locked in your bedroom going, ''Why did l even invite them?'' 50 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:40,277 Know what present l'd like your dad to give me? Call me ''Tim'' instead of ''Hey, you.'' 51 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:46,241 lf you heard what he called you behind your back, you'd be happy with ''Hey, you.'' 52 00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:49,288 - (doorbell) - Oh, they're here. 53 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,659 Mom, it's so wonderful to see you! 54 00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,925 lt's amazing you're seeing us at all. 55 00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:04,231 Your father didn't use the turn signal once, all the way from Texas. 56 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,829 - Hello, dear. Hello, Tim. - Hi, Lillian. 57 00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:10,239 l didn't use the signal because there was no one behind me, Lillian. 58 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,211 Then what was that truck that almost sideswiped us? 59 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:16,373 He had no business being on the interstate, big truck like that. 60 00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:17,973 Hi, Daddy. 61 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,281 Hello, sweetheart. 62 00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:21,718 Hey, you. 63 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,822 - Grandpa, Grandma! - Here come the crew! 64 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,989 - Hello! Give me some sugar. - Grandma. 65 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,397 All right, men. Here's your mission. 66 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:37,698 There is a vehicle in the driveway that needs unloading. 67 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,431 Dismissed. 68 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,997 - lt's packed to the ceiling with presents. - Charge! 69 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,977 Your father piled the presents up so high in the back seat, 70 00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:48,206 he couldn't even see out the window. 71 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,805 Don't blame me. 72 00:05:49,882 --> 00:05:54,148 l wanted to put the presents in the front seat and you in the back. 73 00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:58,487 That would have certainly made things more pleasant for me. 74 00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:02,324 Oh, it's gonna be a perfect Christmas. 75 00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:06,897 - Would anybody like some eggnog? - Oh, no. Your father can't eat eggs. 76 00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:11,903 l can eat eggs. l just don't know what the hell ''nog'' is. 77 00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:15,796 Oh, look! You remember Tim's brother, Marty, and his wife, Nancy. 78 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,537 And this is Claire, and l think that's Gracie. 79 00:06:18,611 --> 00:06:21,739 Oh, aren't they little angels? 80 00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:24,112 Yeah, take a good look. They're clean. 81 00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:27,482 We're clean. lt only happens once a day. 82 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,852 lf you're thinking about a career, think army. 83 00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:34,450 All he ever talks about is the army, the army, the army. 84 00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:37,428 - You'd think he'd never retired. - Never should have. 85 00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:43,436 After spending two days in a car with you, the Korean War was a picnic. 86 00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:46,563 Well, l really enjoyed my two days riding with you. 87 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:51,702 Of course, l could've had more scintillating conversation with a crash dummy. 88 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,371 - You calling me a dummy? - Would you please just stop... 89 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,439 - Jill? - ...standing there, 90 00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:00,543 so we can talk about Christmas lights? 91 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:03,088 Tim is entering a contest. Tell them, honey. 92 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,647 l'm entering a contest. 93 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:13,292 Get down here. Let's see what Grandma and Grandpa got us for Christmas. 94 00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:16,824 - Hear anything good? - No, l don't hear anything. 95 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:19,235 (both) Clothes. 96 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,909 Oh, there they go. 97 00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:27,241 Don't stay out too long. When you get back, 98 00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:30,441 you can help me put the icing on my famous sticky buns. 99 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:31,915 All right, Grandma. 100 00:07:34,587 --> 00:07:39,388 Now, don't worry, Jill. You can go back on your diet after Christmas. 101 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,825 l'm not on a diet, Mom. 102 00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:44,658 Oh! Oh, oh, well. 103 00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:47,858 Then you don't have to worry at all. 104 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:51,631 So, are you and Dad OK in Brad's room? 105 00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:54,366 Oh, as OK as we are anywhere else. 106 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,705 You have no idea what your father's like these days. 107 00:07:57,777 --> 00:07:59,870 Right. l'll grease those baking pans... 108 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:03,882 Ever since he retired, he just sits like a lump in his den, 109 00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:07,750 and watches the same old war movie over and over and over. 110 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:10,789 - Margarine or butter? - Patton 111 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:17,493 He's seen it so many times, l know everything that George S. Patton ever said. 112 00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:23,559 ''OK, men. We're going through those enemy lines like crap through a goose.'' 113 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:30,066 - Well, about these sticky buns... - And l can't get him to do anything. 114 00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:34,238 l thought we'd get to travel, and go to ltaly, 115 00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:38,215 do all the things we never had time to do when he was working. 116 00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:44,587 Just when l thought we'd be getting closer together we seem to be growing apart. 117 00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:49,253 Mom, don't you think you ought to talk to Dad about this, not me? 118 00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:53,059 Well, it's no use. He's established a stronghold in that den. 119 00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:58,263 l'd have to put a grenade under his Barcalounger to get him out of there. 120 00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:01,636 (Colonel shouts) Lillian! Where'd you put my tape of Patton? 121 00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,868 l want to show it to the boys. 122 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:07,106 l threw it out of the window in St. Louis. 123 00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:11,013 lf you're serious, we're going back to get it! 124 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:14,450 All right, all right. l'll find it. 125 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,321 Tim, Tim, wait a second. l want to talk to you. 126 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,920 Not now. l gotta go light up a camel. 127 00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:29,032 l talked with my mother. She's upset with Dad. 128 00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:33,504 l know l said l wouldn't get involved, but l think l have to say something to my father. 129 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,565 Before you do, let me say something. Don't say something. 130 00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:40,408 This is not their usual bickering. lt seems like they're really unhappy. 131 00:09:40,479 --> 00:09:45,678 Well, of course they are. They've been married 42 years! 132 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,416 (martial music and gunfire on TV) 133 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:05,030 Look, girls. There's General George S. Patton. 134 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:09,438 He was the most powerful military leader in the world. 135 00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:14,168 Phew! Speaking of powerful. 136 00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:20,985 l think one of those babies just dropped a bomb. 137 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,657 There they are. 138 00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,626 Oh, they were crying, so l decided to calm 'em down 139 00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:32,790 by letting 'em watch Patton's invasion of North Africa. 140 00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:37,131 At home, we just put them to sleep with old tapes of Tool Time 141 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:41,595 Whoa! Somebody's stinking up the joint over here. 142 00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:44,006 Randy! 143 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:49,843 Boys? Boys, would you go upstairs for a while? l want to talk to Grandpa alone. 144 00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:51,815 We're right in the middle of Patton 145 00:10:51,884 --> 00:10:56,651 Well, go upstairs and ask your grandma to act out the rest of it for you. 146 00:10:56,722 --> 00:11:00,749 Hey, Brad, will you take Claire up to Nancy? Here. 147 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,158 Bye-bye. 148 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,929 What are you doing? l was watching my favorite movie. 149 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,232 l hear that's what you spend most of your time doing now, watching old war movies. 150 00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:16,502 Oh, for cryin' out loud. Your mother been talking to you? 151 00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:20,443 Dad, it's not uncommon when a man retires to go through something like this. 152 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,980 Something like what? 153 00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:25,848 Well, l think that you're experiencing a little bout of depression. 154 00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:28,751 You know, this is just like you. 155 00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:32,917 The second we walk through the door, you stick your nose in our business. 156 00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,688 Now wait a second. l've been trying to stay out of this. 157 00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:38,127 The second you walked in, you started arguing. 158 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:41,963 That's not true. We started arguing in Texas! 159 00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:47,701 Well, it's 2,000 miles. You could have finished by Missouri. 160 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:56,211 Doc Johnson's amazing. l swear his Santa looks real. 161 00:11:56,282 --> 00:12:01,345 Just put the binoculars down. Give me a hand with the Virgin Mary, will you? 162 00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:04,617 l'm sorry, Marty. Are you all right? 163 00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:09,218 l don't know. l'm still numb from when you beaned me with the pig. 164 00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:12,059 Tim, can you come down here? l need to talk to you. 165 00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:13,962 - Can't it wait? - No. 166 00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:17,161 Aw! Marty, l'll be right back. 167 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:19,204 l really blew it this time. 168 00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:22,866 l tried to talk to Dad about Mom and now he is really mad at me. 169 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,410 We decided that you weren't gonna get involved. 170 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:29,642 Young lady? Could l see you for a minute, please? l am so mad at you. 171 00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:35,153 - Great. Now they're both mad at me. - Congratulations! Two for two. 172 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,721 Did you tell your father that l said he was depressing? 173 00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:43,523 l didn't say he was depressing. l said he was depressed. 174 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,292 He said that you said that l said he was depressing. 175 00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:50,096 No, no. l said that he was exhibiting all the classic signs of depression. 176 00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:52,433 l don't think that one semester of psychology 177 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,372 qualifies you to diagnose retired colonels. 178 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,001 l was just trying to help you get through to him. 179 00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,545 l don't need help to get through to my husband. 180 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,104 Then why did you come to me complaining about him? 181 00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:06,413 l was just letting off steam. lf you hadn't opened your mouth, 182 00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:12,355 your father and l could have just been mad at each other and had a lovely Christmas. 183 00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:16,893 - Band-Aids? - Um, upstairs, top three drawers. 184 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,991 - Which room? - Every room. 185 00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:29,571 Tim? Can you come down here? l have to talk to you. 186 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,542 - Again? - Yeah. 187 00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:33,942 Oh, come on. 188 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:40,383 - OK, what did you do now? - Hi-de-ho, neighbors. 189 00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:43,649 Never mind. l'll talk to Wilson instead. 190 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,784 l'm gonna install an escalator. 191 00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:49,259 Wilson, l'm really having a problem. 192 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:52,695 Oh. Experiencing a little seasonal stress, Jill? 193 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:56,792 My dad is having trouble adjusting to retirement, it's driving my mother crazy, 194 00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:59,064 so l tried to help, and now they're mad at me. 195 00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:00,605 Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm. 196 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:04,803 You got caught in the middle. That is a familial landmine, and a Noel no-no. 197 00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:07,505 Yeah. 198 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,014 Course, Tim told me not to get involved... 199 00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:12,642 Yes, l did. 200 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:15,346 But is it really so bad for me to try to help my parents? 201 00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:18,549 - Yes, it was. - Shut up, Tim! 202 00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:20,990 Well, Jill, when parents are having problems, 203 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:24,427 it's natural for a child, regardless of age, to want to help. 204 00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:26,088 Did you hear that, Tim? 205 00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:29,760 But it's natural for parents to not want their children's help. 206 00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:31,632 You hear that, Jill? 207 00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:36,797 Wilson, what are you saying? What am l supposed to do about my parents? 208 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:40,744 Well, l can tell you what they do in the Nuer tribe in Africa. 209 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:45,045 They bring in a wise member of the tribe, usually an older Nuer, 210 00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:48,814 who counsels the disputing parties and helps resolve their differences. 211 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,948 So what l need is an objective third party? 212 00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:55,016 - Exactly. - Wilson, please! 213 00:14:56,562 --> 00:15:00,396 No, Jill. l would love to, but l'm going to a Filipino Christmas party. 214 00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:04,926 - Well, when are you gonna be back? - Couple of weeks. lt's in the Philippines. 215 00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:09,998 Man! Well, there goes my fantasy of a perfect Christmas. 216 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:13,010 Thanks anyway, Wilson. Have a nice trip. 217 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:16,377 How about you, Tim? You would qualify as an objective third party. 218 00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:19,849 Forget about it. l'm the kind of guy that likes to stand his ground. 219 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,648 Whoa-oa-oa-oa! 220 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,052 Ow! Ow! Ow! 221 00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:29,657 - You all right? - Oh, yeah. Oh... 222 00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:34,488 Yeah, l just was tired of using that ladder. 223 00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:42,499 So, what did you get me for Christmas? 224 00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:43,836 Why? 225 00:15:43,909 --> 00:15:46,969 'Cause l want to know if l got you the same thing you got me. 226 00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:49,344 l didn't get you anything. 227 00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:51,645 Same thing l got you. 228 00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:55,347 Those sticky buns are for breakfast tomorrow. 229 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,981 You guys aren't sneaking any, are you? 230 00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,217 No. 231 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,623 Why not? Nobody's looking. 232 00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,562 - Hey, Colonel. - Hey, you. 233 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:15,072 - What are you doing? - l'm watching Patton 234 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:19,042 How about pausing it and helping me string these lights up on the roof there? 235 00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:24,811 l have no interest in your battle with an 80-year-old proctologist. 236 00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:28,718 Yeah, you're right. Guy's probably gonna win anyway. 237 00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:32,154 You know how tough those old navy guys are. 238 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:39,822 - Did you say ''navy''? - (grunting) Yes, l did. 239 00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,426 No way we're gonna let a navy guy beat us. 240 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:48,564 All right. With your help, l think we can beat the old doctor. 241 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,938 - Now, let me see the enemy. - Watch your step. 242 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:55,310 Across the street there, red brick, white trim. He's walking on the roof there. 243 00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:59,044 He's got so many things up there, l can't see which one is Doc Johnson. 244 00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:02,281 He's the one wearing the rubber gloves. 245 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,422 All right, we got a lot of work to do. 246 00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:10,462 Hand me the sheep, you plug in the pig. 247 00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,359 There you go. 248 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:17,300 Colonel, it's great to have you on my team. 249 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:20,338 lt's great to be back in action again. 250 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,641 From what Jill says, you haven't been too active lately, though. 251 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:29,113 Yeah, here we go. Now there's another monkey in the middle. 252 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:31,172 l'm not a monkey in the middle. 253 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:35,812 l'm an objective third party, like the African Manure tribe. 254 00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:39,255 What the hell are you talking about? 255 00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:43,761 Jill says you've been spending a lot of time in the den, and Lillian's not happy about it. 256 00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:48,926 Lillian doesn't understand how my life has changed. 257 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:54,439 l used to command 2,000 troops, who worshipped the ground l walked on. 258 00:17:54,506 --> 00:18:00,809 Now l spend all my time with one woman who vacuums the ground l walk on. 259 00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:05,742 You're retired from the army, not from life. 260 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:10,312 - l'm not retiring from life. - You're retreating from your marriage. 261 00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,914 An army man never retreats. 262 00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:15,152 What are you doing in the den all the time? 263 00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:19,391 l'm watching the story of the greatest military hero of all time. 264 00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,626 How many scenes in that film 265 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:26,865 do you see Patton in his den, sitting on his butt, looking for his remote? 266 00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:36,915 Lillian? What are you doing up at 0600 hours? 267 00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:38,973 Well, l've been up all night. 268 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,918 Who could sleep with the two of you stomping on the roof? 269 00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:47,983 Oh, it was worth it. We're gonna surprise the hell out of that navy butt doctor. 270 00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:53,964 Well, you must be exhausted. You never came to bed. 271 00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:57,092 l was so excited, l didn't think about the time. 272 00:18:57,169 --> 00:19:00,263 Did think of some other stuff, though. 273 00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,933 Like getting off my butt and out of the den. 274 00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:05,568 Where you gonna go? The living room? 275 00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,205 No. 276 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:13,479 l realize l haven't been much fun to live with since l retired. 277 00:19:13,552 --> 00:19:18,319 What would you think about doing a little traveling? 278 00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:20,984 Maybe going to ltaly. 279 00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:27,495 Well, l've always wanted to go to ltaly. Especially Venice. 280 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,659 Well, l'd like to take you. 281 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:36,734 - Oh, you would, huh? - Yeah. We could... 282 00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:40,539 We could, you know, see the sights. Eat some pasta. 283 00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:43,137 Maybe go on a gondola ride. 284 00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:46,242 l thought you hated boats. 285 00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:49,310 - A gondola's a boat? - Oh, Fred! 286 00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,859 Merry Christmas. 287 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,765 l don't know what happened last night, 288 00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:08,636 but when we get back home, maybe you'd better spend more time on the roof. 289 00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:14,512 Jill? What are you doing there? 290 00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,071 Have you been eavesdropping on us? 291 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:21,017 - No, l'm sleepwalking. - You make coffee when you sleepwalk? 292 00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:24,988 Yes. That way it's ready when l wake up. 293 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,082 Oh, we should have some of these. 294 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:30,651 Who got into my sticky buns? They're half gone. 295 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:33,061 The boys must have. 296 00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:37,598 Those little scamps. 297 00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:43,107 Daddy, l'm so happy. Looks like we're gonna have that perfect Christmas after all. 298 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:46,372 - You bet. - l didn't think you were listening to me, 299 00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:48,709 but it seems like some of what l said sunk in. 300 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:51,840 lt wasn't you. lt was ''Hey, you.'' 301 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,075 Tim? 302 00:20:55,153 --> 00:21:00,250 You know, if you listen to what he has to say, he's not such an idiot. 303 00:21:01,393 --> 00:21:04,658 (Tim yelling) Whoa! Help me out! 304 00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:09,496 Colonel! Colonel! 305 00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:12,628 l need a little help out here. Colonel! 306 00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:21,210 Come on, they're coming. The judges are ready to look at the house. 307 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,271 Let's go see it. 308 00:21:23,348 --> 00:21:26,181 All l'm missing is a real baby for the manger. 309 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:33,080 - He wouldn't really. - He would, but we're not gonna let him. 310 00:21:33,158 --> 00:21:36,685 lt's not like you don't have one to spare. 311 00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:42,664 - (Lillian) You spent all night on this? - (Jill) Well, l don't even see a manger. 312 00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:46,500 They didn't see the Allies coming into Normandy either. And you know why? 313 00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:49,699 - (Lillian) Why? - Camouflage! 314 00:21:50,709 --> 00:21:51,801 Watch. 315 00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,412 (Jill) Beautiful! 316 00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:05,422 But you know what? l still don't see a manger. 317 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,390 Oh, yeah? Watch this. 318 00:22:10,228 --> 00:22:13,288 (Jill) Wow! Oh, that is so cool! 319 00:22:13,365 --> 00:22:15,629 Look, it just raises up right out of... 320 00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:19,159 - Tim, did you make a hole in our roof? - Oh, yeah. 321 00:22:19,237 --> 00:22:21,228 Just a little one. l'll repair it to... 322 00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:23,274 - Tomorrow... - Oh, no! 323 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,310 Uh-oh. 324 00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:36,048 Well, you know, l always wondered what l would look like frozen. 325 00:22:36,121 --> 00:22:38,282 Just look in the mirror, Al. 326 00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:43,022 His belt's a little wide. Let me take a little bit off that waist for you. 327 00:22:43,095 --> 00:22:45,620 Tim, do not touch frozen Al. 328 00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:47,995 l know what l'm doing, Al. 329 00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:51,593 Oh, great! Now you've taken a chunk out of frozen Al. 330 00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:53,831 Sorry. Don't worry about it, buddy.