1 00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:05,695 Welcome back to Tool Time and our week-long salute... 2 00:00:05,772 --> 00:00:09,833 (bugle plays reveille) 3 00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:10,933 ...to the military. 4 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,536 - A subject near and dear to my heart. - Tell them. 5 00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:17,913 Well, l was a Navy C.B. That, of course, stands for Construction Battalion. 6 00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:21,681 We are always the first ones in laying the groundwork for the other forces. 7 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,586 - We're the ones building the bridges. - Klaus! 8 00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:26,318 We're building the roads, the landing strips... 9 00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:28,691 (# theme music) 10 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,957 We're... 11 00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:37,835 Today we're talking about tools the military uses. OK? 12 00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:40,839 l needed help on today's show. An old high-school buddy of mine, 13 00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:45,810 Billy McDougal, will be here. We used to call him ''Moon Pie Face.'' But no longer. 14 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,905 lt's Lieutenant Colonel William McDougal of the United States Marine Corps. 15 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:52,543 Bring him out with a round of applause. Come on out here, Billy. 16 00:00:57,257 --> 00:01:00,988 Moon Pie, Moon Pie, Moon Pie. 17 00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:07,655 lt's amazing, you know? l guess they wanted a few good men and one big wuss. 18 00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:13,566 Tim, if l remember correctly, you were such a wimp, the Cub Scouts wouldn't take you. 19 00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:18,199 Yeah. But the Girl Scouts loved me. 20 00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:22,979 We played war as kids. What's it like playing war and getting paid for it? 21 00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:27,110 Timmy, l'm not playing war anymore. l'm a tank battalion commander. 22 00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:31,146 And today l've brought along a lot of the tools we use to work on the tanks. 23 00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:34,921 Well, let's bring 'em on out here. Heidi, the tools for the tanks, please. 24 00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:38,389 Here you go, Tim. 25 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:45,603 Thank you, Heidi. All right, let's start with the tool that we call ''The Dog Bone.'' 26 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,163 - Let me see that. - Hold onto that, Timmy. 27 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:53,939 Now, we use that as a jack to lift road wheels. 28 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:04,515 Next, we've got a tool that we call ''The Little Joe.'' 29 00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:07,958 Little Joe. lt looks more like Hoss to me. 30 00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:12,856 lt's definitely no Hop Sing, l'll tell you that. 31 00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:16,561 Well, let's cut to the chase. ls there any way that l could drive a tank? 32 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:21,164 - Come to California and we can arrange it. - All right! 33 00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:24,574 Excuse me, Colonel, but letting Tim drive a tank, well... 34 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:27,875 that's jeopardizing national security. 35 00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:31,041 - Let it go, Al, please? - Al, you got nothing to worry about. 36 00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:34,348 We've got 1 0,000 Marines on the base to keep their eyes on Tim. 37 00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:37,514 - Right! - lt's not enough. 38 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,811 - Jill! - Yeah, out here! 39 00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:39,410 What a great show today. We did our salute to the military, right? 40 00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:43,512 l got invited out to California to a military base to drive a tank. 41 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:47,686 Wow, that's so great! When do we go? 42 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:51,127 We? 43 00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:54,894 ls that ''we'' like in ''we,'' or ''we'' like in ''whee!''? 44 00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,734 You're not planning on going without me? 45 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:03,265 Well, l... no. l thought l'd make reservations at that spa in Palm Springs. 46 00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,641 - Yes! - You'll be at that hotel soaking in mud, 47 00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:08,408 and l'll be at the base driving through it. 48 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:16,447 Tim, l'm the army brat. lt'd be fun for me to go to a military base. 49 00:04:16,522 --> 00:04:20,549 - Driving a tank is not about fun. - What is it about? 50 00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:23,886 lt's about grown men driving heavy equipment 51 00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:27,490 while other grown men hide in bushes and act like bad guys. 52 00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:34,836 l do not want to hang around the hotel while you get to do all the cool stuff. 53 00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:36,499 - Oh, cool stuff? - Yes. 54 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,976 ln the desert, it's hot. You know how you are. 55 00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:43,880 (mocking Jill) ''lt's so hot. My hair is so sandy and my skin's so dry, 56 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:47,408 it's like a pair of alligator shoes. Look at this. lt's cracking.'' 57 00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:50,945 Tim, that is not me - that's you. 58 00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:55,285 - Now, why can't l go to the base? - What's the purpose of it? 59 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:58,762 The military doesn't allow women to drive tanks. You'd be bored. 60 00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:01,595 l would not. l'd be standing around trying to convince them 61 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:05,104 that women are perfectly capable of driving tanks. 62 00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:07,298 Well, there's a good time. 63 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:13,206 Oh, come on! How many times do we find something that we're both interested in? 64 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:17,375 Never. And l don't want to screw up a winning formula. 65 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:23,216 Come on! We'll have the boys stay with Al. What do you say? What do you say? 66 00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:29,159 Four words that seem to rule my life - ''Anything you want, Jill.'' 67 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,505 (knocking) 68 00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:44,270 Ah, just a minute... OK. 69 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,575 (Tim) Al, quit fluffing the pillows and let us in. 70 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:53,812 - Hey, all right! Come on in! How are ya? - Hey, watch the hair! 71 00:05:53,886 --> 00:05:55,717 OK. 72 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:59,053 Thank you so much for taking care of them this weekend. 73 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:03,653 Yeah. lt really works out for us that you have no life. 74 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:08,297 l have a life. lt just happens that llene is away at an orthodontic retreat. 75 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,565 Besides, l love hanging out with these guys. 76 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:15,835 - Oh, l'm gonna miss you boys so much. - Have a good time, listen to Al, all right? 77 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:19,002 Right. We'l have a wild, carefree weekend! Anything goes! 78 00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:22,070 - All right! - Oh, but not there. No. 79 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:27,908 OK. Al, here's the number of the hotel. lf you can't page us in the room, 80 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,477 - then page us at the pool. - OK. 81 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,547 lf not at the pool, page at the base. l wrote this number down. 82 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:36,356 There's a three-hour time difference. lf it's four here, it's one there. 83 00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,624 - Right. - lf it's six here, it's three there. 84 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:42,794 Honey, if you keep talking to him, we'll still be here before we even get there. 85 00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:45,599 Here, here. OK. Thank you so much. Bye. 86 00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:47,730 - Have a good time. - Bye, kids. Be good. 87 00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:54,406 Well, OK. Bye. Well, are you ready for a carefree, wild weekend? 88 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,972 - Yeah. What are we gonna do? - l thought we would... Don't touch that. 89 00:06:58,050 --> 00:07:01,884 Your dad already broke it. 90 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:09,954 You know, l thought maybe we'd start off with a rousing game of... Parcheesi. Huh? 91 00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:13,396 Winner gets a fat-free fig bar. 92 00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:16,958 What a treat for three fig lovers like us! 93 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:23,066 Oh, not to worry. l got a consolation prize - low-sodium rice cakes. 94 00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,638 This is great. Mom and Dad get to go to California, 95 00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:31,615 and we get figs and rice. 96 00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:37,088 OK, l see what it is. You guys are feeling a little left out. Huh? 97 00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:40,125 Yeah, well, l know what it feels like to be left out. 98 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:46,598 When l was your age, my folks left me when they went off to the Amish country. 99 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:54,371 l remained bitter for years. 100 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,840 Well, you got over it, right? 101 00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:00,308 Rather not talk about it. 102 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:10,547 There are four fuel tanks on the M1 A1 that hold a total of 504 gallons. 103 00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:13,990 Whoo! l hope you have self-serve. 104 00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:17,120 - What does this thing weigh? - l'm guessing 65 tons. 105 00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:19,562 No, no, no. lt's gotta be more like a hundred tons. 106 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:24,569 Actually, the curb weight is 67.7 tons. Very impressive, Jill. 107 00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,663 - She grew up on a military base. - l always loved tanks. 108 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:32,439 Hey, wait a minute! What does one of these things cost... out the door? 109 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,345 4.3 million. A little more if you want the CD player. 110 00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:40,374 - Wow! Well, what kind of engine's in it? - 1 500-horsepower gas turbine. 111 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:45,413 - Wow! The old M48 had what? 750? - This tank also has battlefield override, 112 00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:49,325 a 1 20-millimeter smooth bore, and enhanced shift tie-downs. 113 00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:53,263 You know, to make it look better... chrome wheels and a custom paint job. 114 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:56,699 l'll mention that to the Pentagon. Jill, you really know your tanks. 115 00:08:56,769 --> 00:09:00,432 Oh, l always loved tanks. When l was a child, l used to dream of driving one. 116 00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:05,534 Of course, l knew l'd never get to since l'm just a lowly, inept, helpless female. 117 00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:08,512 And it starts. 118 00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:11,812 You know, many people think that policy is outdated. 119 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,715 Good. 120 00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:16,949 Uh, Tim, you might want to stay away from the tank commander's post. 121 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:19,321 There are buttons that can get you into trouble. 122 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:22,054 Oh, l love buttons. 123 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:26,798 Man, what l wouldn't give to get behind the T-bar of one of these hogs. 124 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:30,165 Jill, even though women aren't allowed to operate these in combat, 125 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:33,262 we could arrange a test drive for you. 126 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,240 No! You're kidding me! You're gonna let me drive a tank? 127 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:41,178 - Tim, he is gonna let me drive a tank! - l don't think that's such a good idea. 128 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:46,150 She has the facts, but hands-on experience - that's something else. 129 00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:05,767 Everybody OK? l was just showing her how to use the machine gun. 130 00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:14,069 (Billy) These are the tanks you'll be driving. 131 00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:17,673 Now, remember, Timmy, this isn't the old Chevy Nova you had in high school. 132 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:22,585 (Tim) Of course not. That bit the dust when the tree ran into me, remember? 133 00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:25,180 We've set up an obstacle course for the two of you. 134 00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:28,658 You got a real one for me and, like, a little baby one for Jill? 135 00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,856 We'll see who's crying for his mommy when this is over. 136 00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:33,398 Yeah, we will. 137 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:38,062 The objective is to maneuver through the course without knocking over pylons. 138 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,128 So, let's pile on! 139 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:43,573 Remember, honey, it's not like driving around the mall parking lot. 140 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,770 Yeah. lt's not like that Tool Time set either. 141 00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:48,473 lf you have any questions, just ask your tank commander. 142 00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:50,742 You'll be communicating with your radio mike. 143 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,807 - l got it. - Got it. 144 00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:55,319 And good luck out there. 145 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,686 Fire in the hole. 146 00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:03,089 Eat my dust, sucker. 147 00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,797 (Jill laughs) 148 00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:19,709 - Whoa, l love this! - (man) asy on the throttle. Mr Taylor 149 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:23,647 Will you relax? l know what l'm doing here. 150 00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:28,551 Wait a minute. OK, yeah, all right! 151 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:31,715 (man) Watch out. Mrs Taylor Your husband is losing control 152 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:34,089 Tim? What is he doing? 153 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,061 (man) Mr Taylor. watch out for the pylons 154 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:39,654 (Tim) Oh. hey! Wait a minute Yeah. OK. OK 155 00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:45,198 (man) Look out. Mrs Taylor He's cutting you o 156 00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,466 lt's a traffic lane here, Jill! 157 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:56,007 - (man) Mr Taylor. look out for that sign - What sign? 158 00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,606 Oh, that sign. 159 00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:00,550 (man) Mrs Taylor. is your husband out of his mind? 160 00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:03,179 (Jill) Yes. sir. Corporal. sir 161 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:13,690 Oh, incoming! lncoming! 162 00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:24,366 OK. Just playing through! 163 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,744 Bill, what are the chances of me driving that tank again? 164 00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:40,155 Oh, about the same as Tool Time winning an Emmy. 165 00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:45,591 That little tank accident could've happened to anyone. 166 00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:48,155 lt's never happened in the history of the Marines. 167 00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:52,594 Well, the important thing is that nobody got hurt. 168 00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:58,507 And we know our country would win if we're ever invaded by enemy golf carts. 169 00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:04,481 Tim, not only is she a better tank driver than you, she's also funnier. 170 00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:08,452 - Yeah. l just can't stop laughing, Bill. - No. 171 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:13,549 Mmm, chipped beef on toast. l haven't had this since l was 1 1 years old. 172 00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:19,225 Ew! You're probably still digesting it. 173 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:23,564 Colonel, l can't thank you enough. You fulfilled a childhood dream for me today. 174 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,504 lt was a pleasure watching you in action. Like you've driven a tank all your life. 175 00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:30,770 lt was such a cool feeling. You know, when l started l was so scared. 176 00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,243 Then when l got comfortable, it was so much fun. 177 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,872 When you grabbed that T-bar, you just let her rip... 178 00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,143 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 179 00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:41,744 You know, how do they get the tea this color? Boy. 180 00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:45,585 Hey, Steve, have a seat! Meet my old buddy, Tim Taylor. 181 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,821 - Good to meet you, sir. - And his lovely wife, Jill. 182 00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:52,386 - Hi, it's nice to meet you. - You're the one the base is talking about. 183 00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:56,195 - Boy, that was some tank driving! - Well, thank you very much. 184 00:13:56,268 --> 00:14:02,070 - My husband got to drive a tank, too. - Yeah. The base is talking about that, too. 185 00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:06,842 Yeah, you sure beat the pants off old Timmy here. 186 00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:09,210 - Well, it wasn't a race. - Yeah, you're right. 187 00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,613 Give him a break. He's probably one of those guys 188 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:15,381 that doesn't know a whole lot about machines. 189 00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:19,788 - What do you do for a living, sir? - l own a little dress shop. 190 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:27,599 - No, he doesn't. He's got a tool show. - No. And it's a great show. 191 00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:31,033 He had trouble with those obstacles, but it wasn't an easy course. 192 00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:34,595 - You don't have to defend me. - Not defending. l'm just stating a fact. 193 00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:36,698 You didn't have trouble with the course. 194 00:14:36,775 --> 00:14:41,405 Well, OK. l did a little better than you. So, big deal. Who cares? 195 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,280 l care, little ''Miss The Whole Base ls Talking About You.'' 196 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,813 l can't believe you're being such a baby. Oh, me? l'm the baby? 197 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:54,485 - Whose turn is it to lower the flag? - l don't know. Maybe we should do it, huh? 198 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:59,020 - You don't have to go, guys. Come on. - Sorry, Tim. lt's not our war. 199 00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:06,835 Congratulations. You just did something most countries can't do - 200 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,875 you got the Marines to retreat. 201 00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:12,308 They didn't leave because of me. You got angry. 202 00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:16,075 Well, excuse me! Not only did you beat me on the obstacle course, 203 00:15:16,148 --> 00:15:18,309 you defend me like l'm a five-year-old. 204 00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:22,946 Well, you're acting like a five-year-old. You're upset because l drove the tank well. 205 00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:27,982 No. l'm upset because you driving it well made me look like an idiot! 206 00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:33,594 Well, even if l hadn't been there you still would've driven like an idiot. 207 00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:45,210 That was a pretty quick game of Scrabble. Now we're ready for Chinese Checkers. 208 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:49,145 Oh, sorry, Al. Mom says we can't playing ''Chinese Checkers'' before bed. 209 00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:52,377 Makes us too hyper. 210 00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:56,651 All right. Well, if conventional games don't tickle your fancy, 211 00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:59,987 l have a board game that you have never seen. 212 00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:03,522 l invented this myself. 213 00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:08,191 lt is the prototype for what could become a national craze. 214 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:13,961 (Mark) ''The Tool Time Game''? Awesome! 215 00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:17,475 (# theme music) 216 00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:24,747 - How do you play? - Well, you have your choice of figures. 217 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:30,449 You can be Heidi. You can be Al. 218 00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:34,549 And you can be Tim in a body cast. 219 00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:38,055 - All right, l got Heidi. - Al. 220 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,724 Aw, man! 221 00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:44,693 Now, the object of the game is to finish your project 222 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:48,206 without having to call an ambulance. 223 00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:51,265 You can learn as you go along. Mark, why don't you start us off? 224 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,834 OK. Start. 225 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,944 Two. 226 00:16:57,016 --> 00:17:02,545 ''Tim makes bad joke about Al's mom. Audience boos. Lose a turn.'' 227 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,153 Mother loves that card. 228 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:12,822 - All right, it's my turn. - That's right. 229 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:16,628 Ooh, four. 230 00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:26,268 ''Al's away at National Bingo Finals. Tim hosts show alone and ratings drop.'' 231 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:29,007 All right. My turn. 232 00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:34,678 All right, here we go. Six, OK... five, six. All 233 00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:36,880 All right. Pick up a card. 234 00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:43,451 ''Tim installs faulty wiring. You're accidentally electrocuted.'' 235 00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:58,969 You lose. 236 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:04,544 - Hey, Wilson. - Well, hi-ho, neighbor. 237 00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:07,585 - When did you get back from California? - A few minutes ago. 238 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:13,614 - Mm, smells like ribs. - Actually, l'm barbecuing some bulbs. 239 00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:22,565 - Fluorescent or three-way? - No, Tim. These are lily bulbs. 240 00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:27,094 These are a dietary staple of the Native Americans of Montana. 241 00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:32,508 - How was your tank-driving expedition? - A real kick in the lily bulbs. 242 00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:38,710 - What do you mean? - Well, Jill and l both got to drive tanks. 243 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,083 And she has to act like a big shot by not driving through a sign, 244 00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:46,818 or shooting off a machine gun, or crushing a couple of golf carts. 245 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:50,055 Mm-mm-mm, she is such a show-off. 246 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,689 l didn't even want her going with me. 247 00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:55,324 Well, traditionally, driving tanks is a man's domain. 248 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,927 Yeah, man's domain. Oh, yeah. 249 00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:02,838 To the best of my knowledge, women in the service aren't allowed to drive tanks. 250 00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:08,369 - Yeah, no women drivers. Oh, no. - Which makes it all the more incredible 251 00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:10,438 that Jill accomplished what she did. 252 00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:14,384 Yeah, that's all the more... huh? 253 00:19:14,453 --> 00:19:18,412 Well, you did compliment her on her tank-driving expertise? 254 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:22,790 How can you take her side? By her tagging along, she ruined my day. 255 00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:27,730 Well, maybe you ruined her day by not acknowledging her accomplishment. 256 00:19:27,799 --> 00:19:31,428 Well, maybe you ruined my day by pointing that out. 257 00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:37,667 - Thanks, Al! - (boys) Thank you, Al! 'Night. Bye. 258 00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,337 - So how was it? How was the weekend? - Oh, the best. 259 00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:42,437 Al let us stay up and watch monster movies. 260 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:47,417 And he made us popcorn just dripping with butter. Oh, ho, ho, ho... 261 00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:50,683 Yeah. He even separated the unpopped kernels for us. 262 00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:54,692 Well, l guess l'm never gonna be half the mother Al is. 263 00:19:57,129 --> 00:20:02,431 - Hey, boys. - Dad? How come you didn't marry Al? 264 00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:06,437 Well, to be honest with you, l thought about it. 265 00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:10,100 But l just couldn't handle the thought of him giving birth to my children. 266 00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:13,508 Little babies with beards and flannel diapers. lck! 267 00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:15,979 So, when you were driving the tank, how did it go? 268 00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:19,884 Ooh, the tank stuff! Wait till l tell you... 269 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,318 We should talk about your mom's experience first. 270 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,584 Great. We talked about it at the base. We talked about it on the plane. 271 00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:30,185 They let her drive one, too. And she was awesome. 272 00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:31,559 - (Randy) You're kidding. - No. 273 00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:34,121 - That's awesome! - lt is great. She drove it like a pro. 274 00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:37,327 First woman to drive a tank. You should be proud of her. 275 00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:42,237 As a matter of fact, the first four million l'm getting, l'm buying a tank for her. 276 00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:45,834 Never worry about finding a parking place in her life. 277 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,778 - Cool. - All right. Did you guys shoot the little...? 278 00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,906 (overlapping) 279 00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:54,510 Wait, wait, wait! Put your stuff away and we'll talk about this at dinner. 280 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,282 - Hustle up. Hustle up. - No. 281 00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:02,123 That was really nice. Thank you. 282 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:06,255 Well, it would've been a lot nicer if l'd said it earlier. 283 00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,891 l got thrown for a loop when l found out l was married to 284 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:11,367 General George Patton... 285 00:21:12,304 --> 00:21:15,501 and l was (imitating Gomer Pyle) Gomer Pyle. 286 00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:19,066 Shazam! Shazam! Shazam! 287 00:21:19,144 --> 00:21:22,409 Well, golly, Sergeant Carter! 288 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:30,052 - ...across the desert was great. - Dad, how did you do at the Marine base? 289 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:33,421 Yeah, Dad. You told us about Mom, but you never told us how you did. 290 00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:39,692 Let's put it this way the Marines said no one's ever driven a tank like your old man. 291 00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:44,627 - You were that good, huh? - l don't want to brag. 292 00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:47,069 But l was in my element, guys. 293 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:51,940 Machines, Marines, latrines and lots and lots of beans. 294 00:21:52,010 --> 00:21:54,274 1 500 horsepower sitting behind me. 295 00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:58,544 l'm the master of that thing. Oh! Ho-ho-ho-ho! 296 00:21:58,617 --> 00:22:00,847 My only regret? You guys weren't there to see it. 297 00:22:00,919 --> 00:22:05,788 Actually, Dad, you know, we can see it. The Marines made a tape for Mom. 298 00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:12,190 - You can't look at that. That's top-secret! - Oh, yeah? Really? 299 00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:15,324 Give it back.