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- Does everybody know what time it is?
- Tool Time!
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That's right. Binford Tools is proud
to present Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor!
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(# ''Tool Time'' theme)
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Thank you.
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OK, thank you, Heidi,
and thank you, everyone.
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Welcome to Tool Time
l am Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor.
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And you all know my assistant, Al ''He's a
Thorn in My - ow! - Siding'' Borland.
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What Tim is trying to say is
it's Siding Week on Tool Time
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And today we're gonna be working
with aluminum. Or as l like to call it:
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''Al-luminum.''
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You're the only one that thinks it's funny
putting the word ''Al'' in every sentence.
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''Al'' be the judge of that.
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A few more jokes like that,
you'll be working in ''Al-toona.''
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Sorry. All right, let's get
to our ''inst-Al-lation.''
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Would you stop it, please?
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We showed you how to install your foam
board over your existing shingles.
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- Now it's time to turn to aluminum.
- And our siding comes in 1 2-foot lengths.
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You're often gonna need to cut this
around the lighting fixtures and faucets.
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Which means you'll have
to do some measuring.
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Al uses the old carpenter's adage,
''Measure twice, cut once.''
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Tim's adage is,
''Never measure, cut yourself.''
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- Overlapping these panels is an art form.
- Right.
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And you want to nail these panels
right into the stud.
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You can help yourself by pre-measuring
where the studs are on your old siding.
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- Tim already knows...
- Where the stud is. Of course l do.
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But Al's point is well-taken,
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'cause you might inadvertently nail
right in through a gas line.
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- Or water line.
- Or worse yet, electrical line.
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Aah!
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Well...
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aluminum is a great conductor
of electricity.
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Al?
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You all right, buddy? Al?
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Well, at least we know he's ''Al-live.''
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(tractor backing up. beeping)
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ls that Dad?
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(crash)
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Ow!
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That's Dad.
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Yeah. He's building the sets
for Randy's school play.
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What does Dad know about Shakespeare?
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About as much as Shakespeare knew
about tractor pulls.
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My leg!
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Here's the mock-up of the set.
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The first Romeo and Juliet production
where the castle's made entirely
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of aluminum siding.
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- Aluminum siding?
- Yeah.
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l had a truckload of it.
We had tons left after Tool Time
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So you got aluminum siding,
storm windows.
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Since when did Romeo and Juliet move
to the suburbs?
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They were tired of all the sword-fighting
downtown.
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How's your paper coming?
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- Well...
- Uh. Say no more.
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l had that look on my face
all through college.
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All eight years.
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(groans)
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Hey, Romeo. There's your set.
How did rehearsal go?
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Terrible. You know how my drama teacher
was eight months pregnant?
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She went into labor
and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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- How is she?
- She's fine. But the play's off.
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l've planned for these sets.
She can't do this to me.
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Well, what do you want her to do, Tim?
Put the baby back in?
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Just till opening night.
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lsn't there some other teacher
that can take over?
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lt's the end of the year.
They're all tied up with other projects.
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Randy...
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How would you like it
if l directed your play?
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l think my mom directing me in a love
scene could seriously screw me up for life.
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Honey, honey, honey, he's probably right.
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l'll direct.
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- Shakespeare's pretty deep stuff, Tim.
- Oh, give me a break.
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''To be or not to be'' isn't any deeper than
''Does everybody know what time it is?''
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- What about Wilson directing the play?
- l don't know. Wilson can be a bit weird.
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You won't find anybody more capable.
Wilson'd be great.
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Or you could take a shot and go with me.
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Wilson!
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Oh! Oh, oh! Ah...
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- You called, young Randy?
- What are you doing?
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Well, l'm practicing walking on hot coals.
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l'm going to Greece next week
for a fire-walking festival.
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Sounds like a hot time.
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Well, it's a lot more fun than it sounds.
Ow, ow, ow!
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lt's too bad you're busy. l was gonna ask
you if you wanted to direct my school play.
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- Romeo and Juliet?
- Yeah. The director had to drop out.
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Oh, Randy, l'm so sorry.
Normally l would just jump at that chance.
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Oh! Oh, oh!
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See, it's long been a dream of mine
to direct Shakespeare.
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Well, Wilson,
this could make your dream come true.
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Not to mention my dream
of kissing Sharon Liebowitz.
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Even if l agree to do it,
how do you know the school will approve?
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They'll love the idea.
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- You've got the qualities no one else has.
- What?
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You're available and you're not pregnant.
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You're incredible. Just when we thought
the play was dead, you find a new director.
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l knew how much you wanted to play Juliet,
and l couldn't let you down.
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- l might have to hug you.
- l might have to let you.
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Everybody, l'd like you to meet
your new director, Mr. Wilson.
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Hidy-hoeth, young thespians. As you can
see, l've brought a lot of reference books.
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We're very lucky to have Mr. Wilson.
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With his broad knowledge of Shakespeare,
l'm confident we can realize our goal.
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Oh, l can assure you
they'll be riveted to their seats.
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Riveted, stapled, hot-glued -
whatever works.
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All-righty-righty, class.
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Let us begin.
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Now, Randy Taylor is our young Romeo.
And who, pray tell, is our Juliet?
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That would be l, Sharon Liebowitz.
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Well, Miss Liebowitz,
in act one, scene five...
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Juliet falls in love with Romeo.
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He takes your hand...
Randy?
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And you say...
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''Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand
too much, which...''
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Now, stop right there, Juliet. Can you tell
me the significance of that line?
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That l actually remembered it.
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All right!
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Can anyone else tell me what it means?
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This is very troubling.
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How can one act Shakespeare
if one does not understand him?
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- We'll have to start at the beginning.
- Beginning of the play or scene?
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No. The beginning of Shakespeare's life.
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ln order to interpret Shakespeare,
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you have to have a perspective
on the time in which he lived.
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Now, everybody gather 'round.
Gather, gather. Gather. Gather, gather.
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- ls this guy for real?
- Don't worry. l'll take care of it.
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Now, Shakespeare was born
at Stratford-on-Avon in 1 564.
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He wrote a lot of plays. Some were funny,
some weren't. Let's start!
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- Yeah!
- No, no, no. Sit, sit, sit.
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l can understand what you're saying.
You're not the analytical types.
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- So, we'll get right back to the play.
- Great.
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But first l'd like to engage
in some very basic acting exercises
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which will help rid you of your inhibitions.
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All right, now, everybody can stand.
Stand. Stand.
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Stand up. Stand up. On your toesies. Tip,
tip, tip. Up on your toes. Up on your toes.
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Put your arms at your side.
Arms at the side.
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Now, flail your arms. Flail your arms.
Flail, flail.
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Flail. Flail in the wind.
Flail in the wind.
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Flail, Romeo. Flail, Romeo. Flail!
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Very good. Very good. Very good.
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Now... now l want you to close your eyes,
close your eyes.
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Close your eyes
and pretend you are a vegetable.
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You can be any vegetable. Any vegetable.
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You can be a carrot. You can be a turnip.
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You can be very ambitious -
you can be a radish.
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Thanks a lot, Randy. l thought
l was gonna be in a play, not in a salad.
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Now, next l want you to turn
to the person next to you
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and give them a big hug.
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Oh, now, come on, come on.
Give 'em a big hug. Be a good neighbor.
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Hey!
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Very good. Very good.
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l finished my homework.
l'm going to the mall.
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Wait, wait, wait, wait! Hold it!
l'll get my keys. l'll drive you over.
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Sorry. You know the rule.
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You can't go to the mall
until you're done with your homework.
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Why are you suddenly remembering
everything l've ever told you?
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'Cause suddenly it's coming in very handy.
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Tim...
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being a responsible parent has
come back to bite me in the butt.
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Well, l warned you from day one.
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- So, did you get the sets up?
- Yes. No thanks to the Biology teacher.
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She said all the hammering
is making her frogs bounce.
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- Hey, Romeo. How's the new director?
- Well, let me put it this way.
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Five minutes after he arrived, l became
a radish and got hugged by a giant potato.
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- What is this? Dinner theater?
- What are you talking about?
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Wilson had us doing
all these stupid acting exercises.
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Oh! Oh, honey, that's just, you know,
to loosen you guys up.
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The kids hate it. And they're blaming me.
lf this keeps up, l'll quit.
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- You can't quit. You made a commitment.
- This is Wilson's first day.
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He just wants to make sure that you guys
understand the fundamentals of acting.
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We would've been better off with Dad.
He never bothers to understand anything.
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''Good night, good night!
Parting is such sweet sorrow...''
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''Sleep dwell upon thine eyes,
peace in thy breast.''
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Cease, my young players.
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Your performances were much better
this time.
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Sharon, did you do something different?
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l took out my retainer.
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And you, Randy?
Did you do something different?
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l got in touch with my inner radish.
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Well, your performance was
very, very crisp.
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(chuckles)
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But there's always room for improvement.
So go home.
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00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:40,387
And tomorrow morning,
l want you to bring in a kitchen utensil
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that best personifies your character.
Dismissed.
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A kitchen utensil?
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- Nice going, Randy.
- Hey! l just tried to get us a new director.
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l never thought he'd turn the play
into Romeo and Julia Child
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All right, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Set it right down there. Thank you, Dave.
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00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:11,145
Well, l'm putting the finishing touches
on the aluminum set. What do you think?
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Well, l'm thinking
l won't be able to use this set.
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Huh?
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00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:20,560
Tim, the suburban interpretation -
it's all wrong.
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00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,261
Why not just give Juliet
a three-car garage?
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l see it. lf we're gonna go with this,
three-car garage.
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00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:31,074
She's ltalian. Doesn't want to get
the Ferraris rained on. l like it!
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00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,806
Tim, the sets have to fit my vision.
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Pardonnez-moi
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l happen to be the set designer.
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And l am the director.
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l understand. But l'm not some schlocky
subcontractor off the street.
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- l'm an artiste.
- Oh, Tim, Tim.
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00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:53,095
While l respect your opinion,
you are primarily a tool show host.
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00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:56,794
- You have no background in the theater.
- Au contraire.
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00:13:56,869 --> 00:14:00,236
ln high school, l designed the entire
Streetcar Named Desire set.
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00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:05,039
And l used tuck 'n' roll leather.
And l put a big-block in a streetcar. Ha!
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00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:08,944
lt is my job to shape this play as l see fit
and protect its integrity.
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00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:12,245
- l say we have to change the sets.
- You want me to build new sets?
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00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:16,516
l'm afraid so, Tim. And please,
please, please think 1 4th century.
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00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:21,151
l have to reprimand the costumer. She's
got Juliet in a bodice from the 1 5th century.
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00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,491
Oh, horrors!
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00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:29,691
- Do l detect a note of sarcasm?
- Maybe.
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00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:32,396
l've spent three weeks on these.
l won't build new ones!
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00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,338
As your director, l insist you do!
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00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:36,897
- Really?
- Really.
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00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:40,468
Well, as your set designer, forget about it.
Because l quit!
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00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:44,175
- Well, fine, fine, fine, fine!
- Fine, fine, fine!
214
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:47,014
You'll never work in this town again!
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00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:56,684
Done.
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Save.
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Freedom!
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00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,227
Freedom! Ah!
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00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:08,640
Freedom! Ah!
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00:15:08,707 --> 00:15:10,368
Freedom!
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00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,914
Right there is a perfect example
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00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:23,216
of why kids don't want to be seen
in public with their parents.
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00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:28,488
l... l just finished my paper, Brad.
l was celebrating!
224
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,085
Great. Now you can help me
with my English essay.
225
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:34,291
- What's the assignment?
- Write about two English authors.
226
00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:37,893
- Which ones?
- l have to compare Chaucer to Bacon.
227
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:41,201
Chaucer to Bacon. Chaucer to Bacon.
228
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:44,242
No contest. Chaucer has much less fat.
229
00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:47,672
- Yeah. l'll be up in a minute.
- Great.
230
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:50,408
- So, how'd it go at school?
- Terrible.
231
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,916
Wilson wants me to build new sets.
232
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:56,284
Are you serious?
After all the work you've done already?
233
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:58,414
They say you can lead a horse
to aluminum,
234
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:01,982
but you can't force ltalians into a garage.
235
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:10,499
l'm sorry that you and Randy
are having such a bad experience.
236
00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:14,903
- lt's worse for Randy because l quit.
- What do you mean you quit?
237
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:19,377
Wilson treated me like l was a nobody.
He doesn't realize l'm an artiste.
238
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,504
lt's a well-kept secret.
239
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:26,848
You can't quit after we told Randy
that he couldn't quit!
240
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:29,911
We never told him l couldn't quit.
241
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:33,481
OK. You tell him why it's OK
for you to quit but not for him.
242
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,789
Gotta admit it's not gonna be easy.
243
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,886
Hey, Dad, l heard you quit.
244
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,067
Easier than l thought!
245
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:48,134
This is totally unfair.
How come you get to quit and l don't?
246
00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:51,973
Because l'm an adult.
We can do a lot of things you can't do.
247
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:54,376
We can drive, we can vote...
248
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:57,040
and we can quit.
249
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,581
That's not fair!
250
00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:01,175
Yeah, you're right.
251
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:04,279
You kids should be able to vote.
252
00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:12,028
l knew this play was a tragedy.
l didn't think my life would turn into one.
253
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:17,566
That was real good, Tim.
Made him feel a lot better.
254
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,872
- What are you gonna do now?
- Mm.
255
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:27,173
Go talk to Wilson.
256
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:34,881
- You out here, Wilson?
- Yes, l am, Tim, but l am kind of busy.
257
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:39,185
Thanks to you, l'm not only the play's
director, l'm also the set designer,
258
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:42,421
along with many other jobs
too numerous to mention.
259
00:17:42,494 --> 00:17:45,486
We should talk about what happened
with you and me today.
260
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:49,830
Oh, that's all right, neighbor.
lt was just that our visions clashed.
261
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:54,930
Happens all the time in the theater.
Happened with the costumer.
262
00:17:57,776 --> 00:18:01,974
You know, it's not easy
firing an eighth grader.
263
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:06,115
You fired little Susie Harris?
264
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:13,051
Well, Tim, l had to. A Montague would
never wear this to a Capulet's ball.
265
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:17,391
Wilson, don't you see what's happening
here? You're driving everybody crazy.
266
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:20,193
- l am?
- l can't believe l'm even saying this.
267
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:24,133
But you're taking all the fun
out of Shakespeare.
268
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:30,139
But my only aim was
to put on a quality production.
269
00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:32,234
l know that. And...
270
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:37,139
there might not be a production at all.
A lot of kids are thinking of quitting.
271
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:39,480
- They are?
- Yeah. Juliet, Romeo...
272
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:41,951
Cappuccino, Montezuma, everybody.
273
00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:45,012
Well, l had no idea.
274
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,691
You're obsessed with this.
You gotta lighten up.
275
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,228
- l'm not sure l can do that.
- Well, why not?
276
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:52,786
Because when l take on a task,
277
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:57,632
it's always my nature to strive
for authenticity and perfection.
278
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:02,163
You know, this brings to mind
another great 20th-century thinker.
279
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,300
- Einstein?
- Me.
280
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:08,642
When l first started Tool Time. l was
so obsessed with every speck and detail
281
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:10,545
that people got fed up with me.
282
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:14,950
- So, what did you do?
- Well, l hired Al to be the boring one.
283
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,683
Which worked out very well.
l realized l had a higher purpose -
284
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:23,421
to make tool usage more accessible
to the common man.
285
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,291
So, you're saying l should make
Shakespeare more accessible
286
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:28,765
to the students.
287
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:33,533
lf you blow it with these kids,
they might learn to hate the theater.
288
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:37,803
Then there would be a whole new
generation of people like me.
289
00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:40,106
(imitating Tim) Oh, no.
l don't want that.
290
00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:47,209
Hey, what's going on?
291
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:50,278
We're talking about
how we can get rid of Wilson.
292
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:53,950
- lf we get rid of him, who's gonna direct?
- My dad.
293
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:58,092
Your dad's gonna direct? He's a plumber.
294
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:03,691
Well, greetings, my teenage troupe. Does
everybody have your kitchen utensil?
295
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,669
Yeah.
296
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:09,837
l want you to bring them over here
and toss them in this box.
297
00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:12,035
And then l want you to forget about them.
298
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,340
Wilson, you're not making any sense.
299
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,813
Your father told me
that my overzealous pedagogy
300
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:20,909
would only extinguish
your Elizabethan exuberance.
301
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:24,946
My dad said that?
302
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:29,818
- Actually, he said l was being a jackass.
- That's Dad.
303
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,489
- Does this mean we're rehearsing today?
- Yes.
304
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:38,059
No analysis, no interpretation.
Just good old wacky Shakespearean fun.
305
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:39,125
Yeah!
306
00:20:39,204 --> 00:20:43,937
Start at the love scene featuring one of
the greatest Juliets to grace the stage,
307
00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:45,567
Miss Sharon Liebowitz.
308
00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:48,875
Well, this might not be so bad after all.
309
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:51,541
Well, l told you
Romeo would never let you down.
310
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:55,246
- l might have to hug you again.
- l might have to let you.
311
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,015
l might have to hug you again.
312
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,114
l might have to pass.
313
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,167
Dad! He's a little big.
You think Romeo can take him?
314
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,639
Shh!
315
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,402
(grunts)
316
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:21,241
''O, l am slain!''
317
00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:23,474
(thud)
318
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:26,676
l never thought l'd get
such a kick out of Shakespeare.
319
00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:28,811
lt's all the aluminum.
320
00:21:30,155 --> 00:21:33,386
- l think Wilson helped a little.
- Shh!
321
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:37,258
- What happened to Juliet?
- Just wait, just wait, just wait.
322
00:21:40,699 --> 00:21:46,069
''O my love! My wife! Death hath suck'd
the honey of thy breath...''
323
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,130
Do you get the symbolism
of the crypt rising to Romeo?
324
00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:51,732
Yeah, yeah. lt's real interesting.
325
00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:59,346
What's the symbolism of the crypt rising
to the ceiling?
326
00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:01,750
Dad, what do l do now?
327
00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:03,617
Uh, um...
328
00:22:03,689 --> 00:22:07,489
Just hold on. Don't look down.
You'll throw up!
329
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:13,456
Pardonnez-moi But l am the set designer.
330
00:22:13,532 --> 00:22:16,399
And l am the... Let's do it again.
331
00:22:16,468 --> 00:22:18,060
Yeah!
332
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:25,237
Pardonnez-moi l am the set designer.
333
00:22:25,310 --> 00:22:28,837
And l am the director!
334
00:22:30,282 --> 00:22:32,477
Oh, that's not close enough.
335
00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:37,181
Pardonnez-moi l am the set designer!
336
00:22:37,255 --> 00:22:40,713
And l am the director!
337
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:44,890
Bigger! Bigger! Sell it!
338
00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:48,257
''Director!''
339
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:55,696
Maybe l shouldn't get so big.