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[squeaking]
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- Does everybody know what time it is?
- [all] Tool Time!
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That's right. Binford Tools is proud
to present Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor!
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[crowd] Whoo!
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OK then. Wow!
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[Al] Good crowd.
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A happy Thanksgiving to all of you.
l am Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor.
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You all know my assistant, Al Borland.
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[cheering]
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Thank you.
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Well, Thursday is Thanksgiving.
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A day when a man can enjoy the
companionship of friends and family.
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Yeah, yeah.
Yadda-yadda-yadda-yadda.
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To a man,
Thanksgiving means two things:
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Really sharp knives
and carving up that bird. Am l right?
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That's right. And today,
Tim and l will introduce
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our first annual Tool Time
turkey-carving race.
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That's right. lt's the Butterball...
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[gobbling]
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...Five Hundred.
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And in the starting grid with us today,
we have two of the fastest men.
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Give a warm Tool Time
welcome to our special guests,
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- Michael and Mario Andretti!
- [car revving]
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[cheering]
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- l had the line, Michael.
- You squeezed me, Dad.
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Michael and Mario are in town
for a tribute to the late Jim Chapman,
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a great racing icon.
OK, guys, you all set?
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- All set.
- Well, you guys may know lndy cars,
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but nobody can beat my bird.
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[blows raspberry, laughs] Right, Al!
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Look at this baby. A 20-pound tom
turkey, free-range, butter-injected.
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[grunts]
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We'll see about that.
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Calling today's turkey race
is lndy car announcer, Jack Arute.
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- All right!
- [cheering]
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[Tim] Welcome to Tool Time.
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OK, gentlemen!
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[rock plays]
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[Arute] Ready?
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Start your turkeys!
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Michael Andretti
is in the poultry position. But look!
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Mario's already got a wing off. Al's
not doing bad with his bird. And Tim...
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...is the slowest
turkey-carver l've ever seen.
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Look at the way Michael Andretti
attacks that thigh.
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Mario's no slouch with a drumstick.
And look!
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Al's already down to the white meat.
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Folks, Tim is
already out of contention...
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[Tim grunts]
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[Tim grunts]
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Ooh, what's that?
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Wilson gave that to us for Thanksgiving.
lt's a homemade eel pie.
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- Eel pie?
- Yeah. A traditional Pilgrim thing.
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Which explains why
there are no more Pilgrims.
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Wilson's not coming this year.
Why don't we throw it out?
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l can't do that. Wilson put his heart
and soul and half his aquarium in it.
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Hey, Mom? Remember l'm working down
at the soup kitchen on Wednesday.
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They want me to work Thanksgiving. OK?
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Sure. lt's great
that you're giving your time.
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lt means that our family values
have rubbed off on you.
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- What do you mean?
- Well, your father and l
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have taught you that holidays are about
sharing and putting other people first.
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Honey, look what we got!
The last turkey they had.
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The biggest one,
and it's all mine, mine, mine!
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l tell you, the holidays
come quicker every year.
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[laughs] l know. l just got over
July 4th and it's Thanksgiving.
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Oh!
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That was fast. Now it's Christmas.
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- Sorry, Al.
- Tim.
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- Hey, guys.
- Hey. How you doing?
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Little brother.
Sorry about not coming for dinner.
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Yeah, yeah. What are you gonna do?
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You, uh... you starting the
lighting contest a little early?
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Well, my strategy this year
is to intimidate Doc Johnson, OK?
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What are you gonna do?
Stick a reindeer head in his bed?
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- Oh...
- That's not a bad idea.
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Harry, what kind of transformer will
get this to light up, like, real bright?
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Well, you only need a 50-volt.
But knowing you...
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Yeah?
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[straining] ...you'll want
the thousand-volt.
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So, what time do you want me and llene
to come over for Thanksgiving dinner?
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Well, dinner's at three.
Why don't you guys show up at 6, 6:30?
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[laughs] Oh, yeah.
You know what? That reminds me.
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Benny's looking for you. He's waiting
for his Thanksgiving invite.
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l don't know how to tell him,
but he's not getting invited.
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You're not inviting Benny?
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Well, why is it my turn every year?
Last year he ate 1 2 pounds of turkey,
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he drank out of the gravy boat then bobs
for marshmallows in the sweet potatoes.
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- You did the same thing.
- My house.
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- Hey, hey, hey! Here comes Benny.
- What am l gonna say? What am l...?
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- Hey, Benny! How are you doing?
- All right.
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What do you got there?
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Well, l was a little hungry and it
was sample day at the supermarket.
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Care for an imitation crab puff?
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[laughs] No. l'm allergic.
l get imitation hives.
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Hey, Tim! Tim!
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Hey, Benny. l didn't see you.
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lt just occurred to me.
Uh, Thursday's Thanksgiving.
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Thanksgiving's falling
on a Thursday this year?
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Yes. And according to my
social calendar, l have an opening.
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Would you like me to grace
your abode with my presence?
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Well, l would love you
to grace my abode with your presence.
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But, um,
this year we've decided... to...
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...go with family.
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l understand.
What's everybody else doing?
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[stammering] l'm going to the in-laws.
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Dining with my wife's evil twin.
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What about you, Al? Where are you going?
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- Well, l, uh...
- [Tim coughing]
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- Actually, l'm...
- [Tim] Oh-ho!
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l'm not eating.
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You were invited to Tim's, weren't you?
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Tim's? No! l was... not.
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Oh. So, all of a sudden, Al's family?
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- l get the picture. l'm not in it.
- Benny, listen to me...
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Don't want my company, your loss.
l'm not gonna beg.
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l don't need anything from anybody.
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l thought you were my friend.
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What should we do with these?
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Put them in the box. Your dad's
gonna take that when he picks up Randy.
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- All right.
- Hey, this is Dad's favorite sweater.
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Why are you giving it away?
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That's why l'm giving it away.
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Well, haven't the needy suffered enough?
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Just put it in the bottom of the box.
He'll never miss it.
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Here he comes.
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Mm-hm. l got Rudolph up on the roof.
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Soon as l light up that schnoz, you'll
be able to see it all the way to Akron.
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- [Jill] Tim.
- Yeah?
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00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,496
Time to pick up Randy
at the soup kitchen.
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Ooh. On my way.
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Oh. And take Wilson's eel pie.
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- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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- And don't forget the box of clothes.
- [sighs]
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Clothes?
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lt didn't work last year.
lt's not gonna work this year.
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- How are you this fine evening, sir?
- Just serve it up, soup boy.
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All right. My pleasure.
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And if you want anything with that,
see cracker boy.
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- Hey, Randy.
- Hey.
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- You ready to go?
- Yeah.
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Hey, Joe. My ride's here.
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Well, thanks a lot
for all your help today.
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Joe? Brought a little donation
of my own. Some clothes from home.
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And a fresh Pilgrim specialty: eel pie.
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- [gags]
- Right from the aquarium.
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- Nobody's gonna eat that.
- Come on! ''You serve it, they'll come.''
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lf l serve it, they will barf.
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Come on, Randy.
l'm parked out back.
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Hiya, Benny.
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- Dad, it's Benny!
- Who?
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00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:51,256
- [man] How're you doing today?
- Not so good, Nick.
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Looks like l'm gonna
be here on Thanksgiving.
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- [Nick] Oh.
- Get down. Get down. Get down.
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You know him?
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Yeah. What's he doing in a soup kitchen?
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l don't know. But he must
really be down on his luck.
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00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:04,498
He's been coming
in here quite a bit recently.
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00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:08,836
l don't want him to see us. He'll feel
terrible, OK? Let's get out of here.
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00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:21,012
- Dad, he's eating the eel pie.
- Now he's really gonna feel terrible.
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00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,453
[Christmas music plays on TV]
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00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:32,964
[dialing]
162
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:37,860
Hi, Benny. lt's Tim. l'm not sure
that you're still living at this house.
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lf you get this message,
call me back.
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00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:43,475
And you can call back
whatever time you want. Thanks. Bye.
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00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:47,340
[cheering]
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00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:50,439
Sure. lt's easy to be happy
when you're made out of wood.
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[yawns]
168
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,460
[creaking]
169
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Oh boy! Oh!
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l feel a little stiff.
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Hey, Dad. What gives? We woke up this
morning and we're all made of wood.
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00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:22,012
Randy, let's not get
hung up on how we look.
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00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:24,515
There are more important things
to think about.
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00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:27,245
- Like your lighting contest?
- Nope, nope, nope.
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00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,879
l'm through putting Christmas lights
on this house.
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00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:33,823
l'm giving all the holiday lights
to the homeless.
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00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:36,760
And where exactly
are the homeless going to hang them?
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00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:42,700
Good point.
We'll give them the house too!
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00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:46,337
Let's start with the kitchen! Come on!
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00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:49,738
[straining]
Looks a lot lighter than this.
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00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,242
Ah! Oh, there you go.
182
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,244
Ha-ha! Whoo!
183
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:57,646
Boys, go get your rooms
and put them in the box.
184
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:01,282
- But where are we gonna live?
- You! You! You!
185
00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:04,880
You people have got
to stop thinking about yourselves.
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00:12:04,957 --> 00:12:07,323
- Tim, you've changed.
- [Tim] Mm-hm.
187
00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:12,056
You're caring, giving, you're loving.
188
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:13,098
[creaks]
189
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:16,032
And you've got a termite
coming out of your ear.
190
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:22,063
Have a little compassion. Even
the lowliest creature needs a friend.
191
00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:24,465
[termite] Thank you.
192
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,247
[crashing]
193
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:45,191
Hidy-ho, wood neighbor.
194
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,231
What are you doing?
195
00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:50,029
Well, l'm donating my half
of the fence to the fence-less.
196
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:54,004
Why, Tim, l never realized
you had such a heart of gold.
197
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:56,837
Well, l... That reminds me.
198
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:02,080
This could help fill
the dental needs of the toothless.
199
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:06,807
That is very admirable.
l'd love to lend a hand.
200
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,410
Great!
201
00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:18,893
Welcome to Tool Time.
202
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,933
We've got something very special
to show you today.
203
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:26,165
Say hello to the new
Binford 61 00 Toolapalooza.
204
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:27,330
[whirring]
205
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:32,503
lt saws, it sands, it welds, it grinds.
lt does absolutely everything.
206
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,273
- Not everything, Al.
- Huh?
207
00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:36,507
Does it feed the hungry?
208
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:38,947
Does it clothe the naked?
209
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:40,246
Does it heal the sick?
210
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:44,016
Well, l don't know.
l haven't tried all the attachments.
211
00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:46,614
Well, let's see for ourselves.
212
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:50,423
Uh, Tim, this is a very powerful tool.
You might want to be careful.
213
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,954
Al, l'm wood.
What have l got to lose?
214
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,159
[whirring]
215
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,265
Oh!
216
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:03,637
[Tim] Oh, no!
217
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:07,910
lt's not like you ever used it.
218
00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:14,748
Well, who needs a head anyway? Real
charity is about giving of yourself.
219
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:18,921
[clattering]
220
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:21,526
[drum roll]
221
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,691
[Wilson] ln here, Tim.
222
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:28,957
Thanks, Wilson.
223
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,069
Al, go for the three-pointer!
224
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,503
l'm open!
225
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:38,933
[Tim muttering] Oops!
226
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,138
- [clattering]
- Yes!
227
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:45,545
[phone rings]
228
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,487
Hello?
229
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,665
Hi, Benny. Yeah.
230
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,899
Listen to me. Um, if you're not
doing anything on Thanksgiving,
231
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:09,236
would you come over here for dinner?
l mean it.
232
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:13,039
Yeah. lt was... it was my fault.
l wasn't even thinking about it.
233
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:16,445
Please? l mean it.
234
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:17,812
Great. Great.
235
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:23,822
Come on over about 3:00. We got extra
marshmallows in the sweet potatoes
236
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,858
in case you got a hankering
for a little bobbing.
237
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:28,824
OK, thanks. Bye.
238
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:34,025
Ooh, the table looks wonderful!
239
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:37,762
Well, thanks to the beautiful
horn of plenty you brought.
240
00:15:37,836 --> 00:15:42,603
llene and l made that in our adult ed
class: Cornucopia for Couples.
241
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:46,675
- [doorbell rings]
- Oh! Oh!
242
00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:50,306
That's Benny. Now, um, just be really
nice to him. But don't overdo it.
243
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:53,977
You know, because we don't want him
to think that we feel sorry for him.
244
00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:58,151
Benny!
245
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:04,051
Come in. Boys! Boys! Come downstairs.
Our guest of honor has arrived.
246
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:09,928
Hey, Benny!
[laughs] lt's good to see you!
247
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,368
Happy Thanksgiving!
248
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:15,168
l guess my sponge bath
really paid off.
249
00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:20,105
Benny, you can let go now.
250
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:22,739
Honey, the holidays are about giving.
251
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,406
OK, that's enough.
252
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,677
Hey, Benny.
253
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:34,323
Happy Thanksgiving. Our extended
family's all here. Good to see you.
254
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:35,984
- Ah, thanks.
- Tim.
255
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:37,619
- Yeah.
- The sweater.
256
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:40,324
Either take it off or shave it.
257
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,468
- Hi, Uncle Benny!
- Hey!
258
00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:46,094
Hey! Happy Thanksgiving, guys!
259
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:49,334
- Well, it is now that you're here.
- [both laugh]
260
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:55,977
- OK! Uh, is everybody ready to eat?
- Yeah. This is great!
261
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:58,414
- Um, boys, you're over there.
- Come on, Benny.
262
00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:00,315
l'm starvin'.
263
00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:05,181
l'm sorry. Did l make a faux pas?
264
00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:07,350
[all] Oh, no!
265
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:10,361
- Everybody, sit down.
- [Al] l'm a little hungry myself.
266
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:15,867
OK. Before we begin, l think that we
should hold hands and give thanks.
267
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:17,902
- Tim?
- OK.
268
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:21,872
Well, we got lots to be thankful
for this year. Food on the table.
269
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:25,273
A splendid array of gourds.
270
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:30,179
And, most of all, we share
this feast with our good friend...
271
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:31,909
[phone rings]
272
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,214
Excuse me.
273
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,647
Hello. Yeah, Skipper.
274
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,191
Keep praying.
275
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,890
Yeah, what's the spread
on the Lions game? All right.
276
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:47,625
Put me down for 200 bucks
on Kansas City.
277
00:17:47,699 --> 00:17:51,601
Happy Thanksgiving to you too.
[chuckles]
278
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,900
OK, let's chow down.
279
00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:57,635
Benny, a person who is destitute
shouldn't be gambling.
280
00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:01,236
l agree.
What does that have to do with me?
281
00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:03,338
Well...
282
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:07,749
The truth is, Randy and l saw you
last night at the soup kitchen.
283
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:11,187
- What were you doing there?
- Well, Randy's helping out.
284
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:14,555
- What were you doing there?
- l like the soup.
285
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,361
You like the soup.
286
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:21,263
That's despicable.
You're stealing food from the needy.
287
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:24,427
l don't steal it.
l pay for it with my tax dollars.
288
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:27,438
What tax dollars?
You haven't had a job in years.
289
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:31,340
- Yeah, you're just a big mooch.
- l let him hug me.
290
00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:37,013
Hey, l don't need this! l give up my
holiday to share it with you people,
291
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,244
- and this is the thanks l get?
- You're blaming us for this?
292
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:43,413
- lf the shoe fits...
- You'd probably walk out with it!
293
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:51,725
- l can't believe we felt sorry for him.
- Me neither. He's just a freeloading...
294
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,357
...scalawag!
295
00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,329
Scalawag?
296
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:02,869
Watch your language.
There's children here.
297
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:07,237
Does this mean we don't have
to call him Uncle Benny anymore?
298
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,337
Doesn't matter.
He's not gonna be around.
299
00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:11,541
Try to forget about this.
Enjoy the meal.
300
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:13,278
- Carrots, please?
- [Brad sighs]
301
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:16,082
- Stuffing.
- Here.
302
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:20,086
Have a little compassion.
303
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:23,491
Even the lowliest creature
needs a friend.
304
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:25,887
The turkey looks good.
305
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:31,358
Real charity
is about giving of yourself.
306
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,927
l know! l know! l know!
307
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:39,643
l know it tastes good. [chuckles]
308
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,144
Your mom cooked it.
309
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:43,147
Tell you what. You guys sit still.
310
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:45,479
Excuse me for a minute.
l'll be right back.
311
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:57,122
[Tim shudders]
l'm glad you're still here, Benny.
312
00:19:57,229 --> 00:20:00,756
Where else would l go?
Who would want Benny Baroni?
313
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:03,062
Why would anybody want you, Benny?
314
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:06,502
You do such sleazy things sometimes.
315
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:09,473
l don't mean any harm by it.
lt's just my nature.
316
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:14,001
Yeah. What do you do at Christmas time,
steal something from the Salvation Army?
317
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,206
What would l want with a little bell?
318
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:21,815
Benny, have you ever heard the phrase
''giving something back?''
319
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,355
- l've heard of it.
- Yeah.
320
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:25,913
l don't know what it means.
321
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:33,427
Well, it means taking the time
to think about other people.
322
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:36,661
People that are really
less fortunate than you are.
323
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:40,432
l guess l shouldn't have taken soup
from people who really need it.
324
00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:41,767
That's right.
325
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,001
l shouldn't mooch off
of Harry and you...
326
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:46,942
...every supermarket chain
in the greater Detroit area.
327
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:48,912
And parts of Toledo.
328
00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:53,407
l know where
l'm spending my Thanksgiving.
329
00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:55,180
At the soup kitchen helping out.
330
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,688
Tell everybody in there
l'm sorry for how l acted.
331
00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:01,920
Hold on a minute, Benny. Before you go,
why don't ya have dinner with us?
332
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,655
We'll all go there after dinner.
333
00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:05,492
- You sure?
- Yeah, l'm sure.
334
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:09,032
Thanks, Tim. You got a heart of gold.
335
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:12,070
- Yeah. Knock on wood.
- [knocking]
336
00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:28,550
Hey, l have a sweater just like that.
337
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:30,315
Not anymore.
338
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:39,028
Hey, uh, Dad.
We need some more turkey carved.
339
00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:42,362
You came to the right guy.
l'm the world-champion turkey carver!
340
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:43,401
Not anymore.
341
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:47,233
[engine revving]
342
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,978
Oh, yeah?
343
00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:05,053
[beeps]
344
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:16,295
Whoa!
345
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:21,733
[crashing]