1
00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:06,503
Nippy out here for a barbecue,
isn't it, Wilson?
2
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:09,736
[Wilson] Well, my cousins and
their friends are in town on business.
3
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:14,644
l'm making veggie burgers since they
didn't care for my Armadillo Cacciatore.
4
00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:19,174
Your cousins are here? l'd sure like to
meet them. Are they anything like you?
5
00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:21,845
No, no, no, no, no, no.
They're oddballs.
6
00:00:24,657 --> 00:00:26,989
Hey, Wilson,
how are those veggie burgers coming?
7
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,925
Yeah, l'm starving, cuz.
8
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:30,462
Tim Taylor.
9
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:34,194
Uh, Tim, these are my cousins.
This is Mike Love...
10
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:36,428
...and Carl Wilson.
11
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,875
Th... these are The Beach Boys.
12
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,911
He never said he
was related to you guys.
13
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:48,242
l never tell anybody.
Otherwise, l'd be hounded
14
00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:51,750
- for concert tickets and autographs.
- l know the feeling!
15
00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:54,946
l'm a celebrity too! Tool Time. Host.
16
00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:58,354
[hums theme song] Ha!
17
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,189
Hey, any sign of a burger?
18
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,695
- These are the rest of The Beach Boys.
- Yeah!
19
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:07,324
This is Bruce Johnston,
and Al and Matt Jardine.
20
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:11,097
Nice to see you guys.
This is just unbelievable.
21
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,570
Wow! l mean, The Beach Boys right...
22
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:17,506
Could l ask you a little favor?
23
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:20,944
Hey, say no more.
Two, three, four...
24
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:24,040
# Little surfer
25
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,813
# Little one
26
00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:29,650
# Made my heart
27
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:33,214
# Come all undone
28
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:36,751
# Do you love me?
29
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:40,527
- # Do you, surfer... #
- That's a good song, you know.
30
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,160
But l was kinda hoping...
31
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,264
You know, l...
32
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:51,709
l really like that. But l was hoping you
could do one of your great car songs.
33
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,541
Uh, like Little G. T.O. ?
34
00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:56,376
That wasn't our song.
35
00:01:56,449 --> 00:02:01,216
No. [laughs] l mean
Little Old Lady from Pasadena.
36
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,312
That was Jan and Dean.
37
00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:05,482
Um... Hey Little Cobra!
38
00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:08,391
Sorry. Rip Chords.
39
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,487
The only one l know is Little
Deuce Coupe. You didn't do that.
40
00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:13,191
Actually, we did.
41
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:15,992
Well... and it was great.
42
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,594
[Wilson] lt would've been
if they'd used my lyrics.
43
00:02:18,671 --> 00:02:20,764
- Let's not start that argument again.
- Whew!
44
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:21,932
Come on. Give it up.
45
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:25,466
Hey. l'll show you my hot rod if you'll
sing a little of Little Deuce Coupe.
46
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:28,309
- What kind of car do you have?
- '46 Ford convertible.
47
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,144
- [all] Yeah.
- All-metal body.
48
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:32,480
- [all] Whoa...
- Tricked-out flathead.
49
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,486
- [all] Cool!
- Three carburetors.
50
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:35,987
[all] Three?!
51
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:38,080
One, two, three...
52
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,685
# Little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got
53
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:45,720
# Little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got
54
00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:49,859
# Well, I'm not braggin', babe
So don't put me down
55
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:54,396
# I've got
the fastest set of wheels in town
56
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:58,433
# When something comes up
to me he don't even try
57
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,844
# 'Cause if I had a set of wings
I know she could fly
58
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:06,648
# She's my little deuce coupe
You don't know what I
59
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:10,485
# My little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got #
60
00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:12,184
[Tim] Hey!
61
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,673
Ah, Dad.
l'm getting together with Lauren.
62
00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:08,747
What do you think? Vest?
63
00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:13,510
Or... no vest?
64
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:21,251
Well... no vest says casual and cool.
65
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:25,855
Vest says you might be trying to
impress her. You're a little desperate.
66
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,594
Got it. Go with the vest.
67
00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:33,137
- Where are you and Lauren going?
- To the mall. l need new shoes,
68
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,174
and Lauren said she wanted
to go shopping.
69
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:38,574
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
70
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:41,773
What does
''Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa'' mean?
71
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,544
When a girl wants
to help you buy shoes,
72
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,881
it means she wants
to be more than just friends.
73
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,614
Really?
74
00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:51,987
Yeah. Here's how it goes.
75
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:54,583
Candy store, friends.
76
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,596
Shoe store, more than friends.
77
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,399
Jewelry store, run for your life.
78
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:06,096
[doorbell rings]
79
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:08,504
Don't worry.
We're nowhere near jewelry store.
80
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:12,032
Trust me,
one day you'll say the magic words:
81
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:14,978
''lt looks kind of like gold,
doesn't it, honey?''
82
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:19,408
- Hey.
- Hey.
83
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,953
Hi, Randy.
l just spoke to Mrs. Blanchard
84
00:05:22,021 --> 00:05:25,047
and she's gonna run our article
on page one of Thursday's paper.
85
00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:27,991
- All right! Our first front-page story.
- lsn't this great?
86
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,619
Yeah.
87
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,558
- Oh! Hey, Mr. Taylor.
- Hello, Lauren. How are you?
88
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:37,431
Good. So how's the hot rod coming along?
89
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:40,666
Really good. Starting the hydraulics
on the convertible top.
90
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:43,300
Great. Did you remember
to bleed the system?
91
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:45,537
Never have to remind my dad to bleed.
92
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,942
- Hi, sweetie.
- [Tim] Hi.
93
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:55,044
Mmm. You should've seen Mark
at his lesson today. He was awesome.
94
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:57,817
- Sure was.
- Well, that's my boy.
95
00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,859
l told you, you worked hard,
big things are gonna happen.
96
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:03,828
You know, and it'll help you
with future things down the line.
97
00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:07,855
You don't have any idea
what we're talking about, do you?
98
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,959
Not a clue.
99
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,527
- l was at karate, Dad.
- Yeah!
100
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:16,097
Yeah. Well, you work hard
at that and end up...
101
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:19,338
You get a high-paying job
in the karate industry.
102
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,639
See you. We're going
to the mall to get shoes.
103
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:26,446
Oh, good. Listen,
l need to get a pair for Mark.
104
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:28,453
- l'd do it, but l'm swamped.
- Come on.
105
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:30,819
Lauren and l don't
want Mark hanging out with us.
106
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,415
Hey, come on, Randy.
lt's OK. lt's no big deal.
107
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:36,587
On the other hand, Mark can be fun.
Come on, buddy. Let's go, Mark.
108
00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:38,630
- [Lauren] Bye, Mrs. Taylor.
- [Jill] Bye.
109
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:42,292
OK. So l gotta practice
for my thing tonight.
110
00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:45,860
Well, get upstairs and work hard
on that thing. lt'll pay off.
111
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,002
Not a clue.
112
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,838
[high-pitched voice] Hiyah!
113
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:58,343
- l like the tan. What do you think?
- l like the tan.
114
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:03,244
Why don't you go pick out something
in the Buster Brown section.
115
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:06,851
l don't know.
l kind of like them in black.
116
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:09,985
- Black it is. l'll get them.
- Wait a second. l haven't decided.
117
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:12,997
[laughs] Like the guy's
opinion matters.
118
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:20,063
Well, l better go. l promised
my parents l'd be home by five.
119
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:23,006
- lt was kind of fun hanging out.
- Yeah, it was.
120
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:26,533
Maybe next time you can help me pick out
some earrings at the jewelry store.
121
00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:33,643
The jewelry store. Yeah. l thought
we'd pick out a lot more shoes first.
122
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:38,651
- Right. Bye.
- See ya. OK.
123
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:42,091
Hey! You just stepped on my new shoes!
124
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:43,355
Oh, sorry.
125
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:47,524
No, see, l don't like it
when people step on my shoes.
126
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,932
Well, me either.
127
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:52,334
Which is why l feel your pain.
128
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:57,707
- Pain...
- What is that, a joke?
129
00:07:57,777 --> 00:08:00,143
Well, not if you don't want it to be.
130
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:04,411
Well, how would you like it
if someone stepped on your shoes?
131
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,850
- Ow!
- Hey, leave him alone!
132
00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:09,945
- Who's this, your bodyguard?
- Back off. l can handle this guy.
133
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,684
Oh, yeah? Well, handle this.
134
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:14,485
Ow!
135
00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:26,568
l got him.
136
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:28,903
[Randy] Uh-oh, he's coming back.
What do we do?
137
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:32,308
l don't know. That's as far
as we got in karate class.
138
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:42,216
The bad news? Wilson's actually mad at
his cousins because they never let him
139
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:43,846
write lyrics for the band.
140
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,653
Good news? l got the autographed picture
of The Beach Boys.
141
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:49,422
Oh, right.
142
00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:52,020
''Dear Jill,
you're married to a great man,
143
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,658
and you don't need any more jewelry?''
144
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,470
l didn't say a word.
145
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:05,438
That was so cool in the shoe store.
lt was like l was somebody else.
146
00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:10,881
And yet all those other times when we
wanted you to be someone else, nothing.
147
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:14,909
- Mark, did you get some shoes?
- No. But l did save Randy's life.
148
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,148
What are you talking about?
What happened?
149
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,590
Don't worry. Nobody got hurt.
Some jerk in the shoe store pushed me.
150
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:23,127
And then l used my karate
to knock him down.
151
00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:24,958
- Great!
- No, it isn't.
152
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:26,589
No, it isn't.
153
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:31,897
Mark, we don't let you
take karate so you can use it.
154
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:33,905
Then why am l taking it?
155
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:36,942
You'll have the confidence
of knowing you can defend yourself.
156
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:40,672
But you shouldn't because you shouldn't
get into a situation where you have to.
157
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:43,982
lt's not like he came up
behind somebody.
158
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,211
- He was defending Randy.
- He should've done
159
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,287
what l've told him
to do in this situation.
160
00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:50,481
- And what's that?
- Find an adult.
161
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:54,720
- And what if there isn't one around?
- Run away.
162
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:59,294
Run away? Forget karate.
Next year you're taking track.
163
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,504
Hey, Taylor.
We need some new loafers.
164
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,368
We're kind of afraid
to go to the mall.
165
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:11,534
- Think your little brother can come?
- Yeah.
166
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:17,776
Hey, Brad. Chad and Kevin found out
about what happened at the mall.
167
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:21,308
l mean, how did they know?
lt's not like it's in the school paper.
168
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,851
Alan Bishop's column.
169
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:32,388
''The other day at the mall,
l spied freshman Randy Taylor
170
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,992
shaking in his boots. Senior
Eric Zumbrum was threatening Taylor
171
00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:39,037
when he was saved by his little brother,
name unknown.''
172
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,831
[laughing]
173
00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:46,400
Oh, man, Lauren's reading the article.
174
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,344
So, what are you gonna do?
175
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:50,245
[sighs] l don't know.
176
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:53,012
l need a quiet place
to reflect on the matter.
177
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,557
''And then like a simpering coward,
178
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:07,588
Randy Taylor ran off
with his tail between his legs.''
179
00:11:08,901 --> 00:11:12,462
This is awful. l mean, half
the school must be making fun of him.
180
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,937
Half would be a conservative estimate.
181
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:20,806
- Hi.
- Well, honey, we saw the paper.
182
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,849
There is nothing for you to be
ashamed of. You did nothing wrong.
183
00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:25,679
Even if you are, you shouldn't be
184
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:28,879
because there's no shame
in being ashamed.
185
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,016
[both] Huh?
186
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:35,487
Look, guys, don't worry about it.
You know, it's no big deal.
187
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,052
l was upset at first,
but l realized stuff happens.
188
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,654
You just gotta move on.
189
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:43,259
l can't believe you don't care
that everybody thinks you're a wimp.
190
00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:47,066
He's not a wimp. You know, he just
feels good enough about himself,
191
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:49,107
he doesn't worry
about what others think.
192
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:54,044
That's right. l wish l were as mature
as he was at that age. Or at this age.
193
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:59,912
l'm really proud of you, Randy.
Guys, can you go wash up for dinner?
194
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:05,217
So you really aren't mad
about Alan Bishop's column?
195
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:08,522
Well, not anymore.
You know, l met him after school
196
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:11,324
and l told him l didn't care
for his journalistic style.
197
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,763
Then his nose started to bleed.
198
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,201
Why?
199
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:19,066
Because that's where
my fist happened to land.
200
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,033
All right!
201
00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:26,042
Oh, Al. l almost forgot.
202
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:29,047
Got that autographed picture
of The Beach Boys for your mom.
203
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:32,881
Oh, wow! Thank you.
She will be so appreciative.
204
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,920
Uh... ''To Al's mom.
205
00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:39,014
Our biggest fan... by a wide margin.''
206
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,863
Did you tell them that my mother
was weight-challenged?
207
00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:48,864
No. l just told them what to write.
208
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:52,199
Well, l can't put this on her wall now!
209
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:54,705
Well, put it on the floor.
She'll never see it.
210
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,035
Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor!
Woo-hoo!
211
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,670
- She's losing weight.
- l know she's losing weight.
212
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,475
l'm just joking about this...
213
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,448
[both arguing]
214
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:13,951
Hi, everybody. Hello, studio audience.
215
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:16,551
Welcome to Tool Time.
l am Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor.
216
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,598
Of course, you all know
my assistant, Al Borland.
217
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,929
[crowd cheers]
218
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:24,492
- We have a great show for you today.
- That's right.
219
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:27,869
We're gonna be showing you some tools
being created down at Binford's
220
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,067
research and development lab.
221
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:36,103
By scientists who work around the clock,
ignoring both time and personal hygiene.
222
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:41,643
Let's give a warm Tool Time welcome
to Binford's own A.J. Sanderson!
223
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,483
[crowd cheers]
224
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,817
A.J.
225
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:48,655
You haven't been down here in a while.
You're looking good.
226
00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:51,195
- That hygiene joke was a joke.
- l know that, Tim.
227
00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:55,632
You know, the thing about us is we
both have a great sense of humor.
228
00:13:58,537 --> 00:14:02,166
Now, you laugh, but l'm not kidding.
229
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:05,608
A.J. has the best sense of humor of
anyone down at R&D. l'll tell you that.
230
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,044
What can l say? lt's a gift.
231
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,710
All right. Why don't you show us a
bit about these tools you're developing?
232
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:19,486
There is nothing more cutting-edge than
the new Binford air-powered scissors.
233
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:20,525
[whirs]
234
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:22,594
They operate on 80 PSl
of compressed air
235
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:25,892
which allows the blades to close
with 70 pounds of force.
236
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:29,332
Seventy pounds? That means you
could cut through fiberglass.
237
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:31,767
You can cut through carpeting.
Even sheet metal.
238
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:34,704
These'd be good. Next time
you lose the keys to your lunch box,
239
00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:36,536
you won't have to bite through it.
240
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,974
Also brand new is our laser tape
measure, our laser levels
241
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:47,041
and our combination laser shrimp
de-veiner and nose-hair clipper.
242
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,251
Nyah!
243
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:56,259
You know, my mother's birthday
is coming up soon.
244
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,560
You guys are doing a lot with lasers.
245
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:07,606
Any truth to the rumor
about a laser toilet?
246
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:10,470
We're keeping a tight lid on that one.
247
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:16,939
But l can show you something that
is still in the experimental stages.
248
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,644
A high-powered laser tree pruner.
249
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:22,243
Are you saying you can cut a tree limb
with a laser beam?
250
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:23,583
That's right.
251
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:27,285
Adjustable. That's nice.
l see you got a laser fixed up here.
252
00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:30,817
Now, how does it operate? l just point
it to the tree limb and say ''timber?''
253
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:34,764
Press that button. You won't see
the beam. Be careful where you aim it.
254
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:37,996
- All right. So...
- [fizzling]
255
00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:51,505
Hey, Lauren.
l've been looking all over for you.
256
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:53,710
So did you hear
what l did to Alan Bishop?
257
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,913
- Yeah, l heard.
- Pretty cool, huh?
258
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:59,219
Well, that depends
on your definition of ''cool.''
259
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:02,226
Well, l guess l should
have asked you this before,
260
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:05,923
but what is your definition of ''cool?''
261
00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:08,967
Well, it's not somebody
who goes out and punches some guy
262
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,661
just to prove how tough he is.
263
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:12,829
Well, it wasn't really a punch.
264
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:17,467
You know, l mean, it was more of a tap.
A nudge, really.
265
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,669
Randy, why would you
do something like that?
266
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:23,112
Well, l saw you and your friends
reading the paper and laughing at me.
267
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:25,683
l just didn't want you
to think l was a wimp.
268
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:28,515
Randy, we weren't laughing
at Alan Bishop's stupid column.
269
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:31,351
We were laughing at a funny line
you wrote in our article.
270
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:34,017
So then you never thought l was a wimp?
271
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:37,529
No, but now l think you're a jerk.
272
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:50,537
Wilson. Wilson!
273
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:52,200
Hidy-ho, neighbor.
274
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:55,940
Wilson, man, what a cool flute!
You mind if l play it?
275
00:16:56,015 --> 00:17:00,111
No. l would appreciate it if you would
keep your hands off my shakuhachi.
276
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:06,422
Man, am l glad we only get together
with you once a year!
277
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,423
Got kind of mad at that Beach Boy,
didn't you?
278
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,158
[Wilson grumbles]
279
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:16,758
Wilson, you gotta
let this lyric thing go.
280
00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:20,066
Well, l just don't understand.
Would it have been so horrible for them
281
00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:22,437
to have recorded one of my verses?
282
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:25,770
Why is this so important to you?
283
00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:28,472
l just always thought
l had a flair for writing.
284
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,515
- You do. You wrote a book.
- Yes, l did.
285
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:33,517
The Psycho-Physiological Indices
of Amorous Connections
286
00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:35,916
Among Termites of the Southwest.
287
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:40,154
And it's a great book.
l'm halfway through the title already.
288
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:44,856
Well, Tim, my book sold four copies.
289
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:48,366
Fun, Fun, Fun sold four million.
290
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:52,461
Well, l think it's a fact of life people
would rather have fun than termites.
291
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,236
The two are not mutually exclusive.
292
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:58,435
Hold on a second.
Let me ask you a question here.
293
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,411
What if one of your cousins
had come to you with suggestions
294
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,381
- about things to put in your book?
- Well, don't be ridiculous.
295
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:07,817
Why would l go to The Beach Boys
for their views on entomology?
296
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:13,883
Ahhh. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
297
00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:17,986
And why would they come to me
about writing surfer songs?
298
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:21,726
[Tim] Uh, mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
299
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,165
lf l'm gonna write songs,
300
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:26,237
l should just write about things
l know... like termites.
301
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:29,899
- There you go!
- Mm-hm. Wood Vibrations.
302
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:34,005
- Wood-n't It Be Nice.
- [Wilson laughs]
303
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:36,309
- Help Me, Rodent.
- Ah.
304
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:48,892
Hey, great news!
l gave Wilson some advice.
305
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,521
l think he may patch things up
with The Beach Boys.
306
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:54,122
Great. Maybe your advice
could help me with Lauren.
307
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,659
All right. Here it is.
308
00:18:57,736 --> 00:19:01,900
lf all you know is termites,
don't go surfing in Kokomo.
309
00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:08,512
Perhaps that doesn't apply here.
310
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,847
Well, what happened?
311
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,944
Lauren's mad at me
'cause l punched out Alan Bishop.
312
00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:19,615
- You hit somebody?
- Well, it didn't start out that way.
313
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:22,694
- How did it start out?
- l asked him to print a retraction.
314
00:19:22,794 --> 00:19:25,319
He started laughing and pushing me.
l shoved him back.
315
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:28,366
And the next thing l know,
the kid's bleeding from his nose.
316
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:31,334
You gave him a bloody nose?
Well, l gotta call his parents now.
317
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:34,372
No, Dad, come on! l already apologized.
318
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:37,237
This isn't like you.
You're smarter than this. Fights?
319
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:39,174
- What's this all about?
- Dad, l know.
320
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:42,145
There were a bunch of kids around
and l didn't want it to get back
321
00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:43,545
to Lauren that l was a wimp.
322
00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:46,641
Well, roughing up somebody
is no way to impress a girl.
323
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:48,811
lt didn't impress Lauren.
324
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:51,321
Let's face it, Dad.
l know nothing about women.
325
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,756
Well, join the club.
326
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:58,396
All l know about women
is l've been ticking them off for years.
327
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:06,136
Well, l didn't even get started
with Lauren and now it's over.
328
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,036
No, no, no, no, no, no.
329
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:11,473
Another thing l know about women
is that they'll give you another chance.
330
00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:13,943
Come on, your mom's
given me 1 0,000.
331
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,775
l know what l should do.
l should go to Lauren and just beg.
332
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:20,818
No! You're only 1 4 years old.
333
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,912
lf you start begging now,
you'll have nothing to look forward to.
334
00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:31,653
''Real Men Don't Hit. By Randy Taylor.
335
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,290
Real men don't hit.
They roll with the punches.''
336
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:38,132
''ln a moment of humiliation,
l lashed out and struck my fellow man.
337
00:20:38,203 --> 00:20:41,832
But now l realize that violence
is not the answer.''
338
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:45,070
This is great, Randy.
She's gonna think you really mean this.
339
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:50,681
- Dad, l do.
- Even better.
340
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:57,215
''l learned the error of my ways
from the wisdom of my father...''
341
00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:59,154
Much better.
342
00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:05,261
''...a man who's humiliated himself more
than any human being on the planet.''
343
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:13,135
- Say cheese.
- [all] Cheese.
344
00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:16,870
- [Wilson] All right.
- Hi, Wilson. Hi, Beach Boys.
345
00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:19,105
[all] Hidy-ho.
346
00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:22,613
Um, guys, l hope you don't mind,
but l was kinda thinking that...
347
00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:24,444
- Want us to sing a song?
- Not just that.
348
00:21:24,549 --> 00:21:26,881
- l'd like to sing with you.
- OK. So, you want to...?
349
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,978
l'd like to pick the song. Barbara Ann?
350
00:21:30,055 --> 00:21:31,420
- Anything else?
- Key of G.
351
00:21:31,523 --> 00:21:32,854
Oh.
352
00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:37,361
- [blows tuner]
- OK. Ahem.
353
00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:40,296
# Ba ba ba ba Barbara Ann
354
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:43,095
# Ba ba ba ba Barbara Ann
355
00:21:43,168 --> 00:21:46,103
# Ba ba ba ba Barbara Ann
356
00:21:46,171 --> 00:21:48,696
# Ba ba ba ba Barbara Ann
357
00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:51,538
# Ba ba ba ba Barbara Ann
358
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:55,602
# You've got me rockin' and a-rollin'
Rockin' and a-reelin', Barbara Ann
359
00:21:55,714 --> 00:21:57,841
# Ba ba ba ba Barbara Ann
360
00:21:57,916 --> 00:22:00,749
- # Went to a dance
- # Went to a dance
361
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:03,686
- # Looking for romance
- # Looking for romance
362
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:06,690
- # Saw Barbara Ann
- # Saw Barbara Ann
363
00:22:06,758 --> 00:22:09,659
- # So I thought I'd take a chance
- # So I thought I'd take a chance
364
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:15,189
- # Barbara Ann
- # Take my hand
365
00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:19,226
# You got me rockin' and a-rollin'
Rockin' and a reelin', Barbara Ann
366
00:22:19,304 --> 00:22:22,865
# Ba ba ba ba Barbara Ann #