1 00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:09,335 [coughing] We'd like to welcome you back to Men's Cooking Week. 2 00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:13,573 And apologize for the hasty end to our flamb‚ demonstration. 3 00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:18,849 Never soak your peaches in jet fuel. 4 00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,847 - Who would have thought? - Obviously not you. 5 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,084 Everyone knows the most important words in the kitchen 6 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,822 for a real man are ''can opener.'' 7 00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:34,458 On the contrary, l often enjoy cooking an elaborate home-cooked meal. 8 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:37,867 lt's no surprise to find out the real man does just the opposite. 9 00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:44,238 lt might be a surprise to find out there's innovative chefs 10 00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:47,245 in Michigan coming up with very creative combinations of food. 11 00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:50,771 Right. For example, this taste-tempting beverage is a combination 12 00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:54,684 of two well-known ingredients. lt's called ''Broccoloupe.'' 13 00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:00,551 All right, let me guess. Broccoli and antelope. 14 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:04,862 This can actually graze on itself, which is interesting. 15 00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:09,696 This is broccoli and cantaloupe. And it's mm-mm good. 16 00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:12,863 Hmm. While this is working its way through Al's system, 17 00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:15,100 let me tell you about the company that makes 18 00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:18,109 this drink that combines fruit and vegetables called Vruit. 19 00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:20,408 They get my ''vrote.'' 20 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:25,714 Now we'd like you to meet one of the innovators in Michigan food industry. 21 00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:30,552 He's been combining unusual foods for years. Give a warm welcome to Ray Pleva. 22 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,682 [applause] 23 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,126 - Ray, welcome aboard. - Tim. 24 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:41,131 OK, well, we're gonna see what's the latest invention 25 00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:44,261 - from the Ray Pleva kitchen. - Something really unique. 26 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,304 [gasps] 27 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,471 lt's a hamburger, Ray. 28 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:52,636 What else did you invent down there? Rock and roll? Shoes? Clouds? 29 00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:54,771 No. Just this. 30 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:57,373 Well, actually, Tim, this isn't a regular hamburger. 31 00:01:57,450 --> 00:02:00,783 Ray has mixed his beef with one of Michigan's finest resources. 32 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,015 Motor oil? 33 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,448 No, cherries. 34 00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:09,689 Cherries and beef. You know, l have a lot of creative cooking ideas myself. 35 00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:12,925 l bet l could combine some unusual foods into a tasty treat. 36 00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:16,162 Hmm. l bet you l could come up with kookier combinations. 37 00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:19,898 Well, it might be kookier, but it wouldn't be edible. 38 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,703 Yeah? What do you say we hone our recipes over a week 39 00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:25,209 and have a showdown right here on Tool Time? 40 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:28,805 - How does that sound to everybody? - [applause] 41 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:36,155 Well, l... l have to remind you, Tim, that l am a classically trained chef. 42 00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,655 You don't need to be trained. 43 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,591 lt's putting ingredients together. Any idiot could do that. 44 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:43,026 Thanks a lot! 45 00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:45,928 Well, l wasn't talking about your hamburgers. 46 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,899 We haven't taken a bite. Let's try it out. 47 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,491 Yeah. Dig in. 48 00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:53,897 - Mm. - Mm! 49 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:56,999 Fruity, yet beefy. 50 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,710 Just like Al. 51 00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:54,056 - [doorbell ringing] - [Wilson] Coming. 52 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,237 - Hi. - Well, hidy-ho, neighborette. Come in. 53 00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,636 To what do l owe this delightful visit? 54 00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:04,473 l'm an idiot. l forgot to buy salt. l need to borrow some for my chicken. 55 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,943 Oh, and Tim needs some squid. 56 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:11,073 Oh, it's for his cooking contest... thing. 57 00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:13,641 Oh, oh, oh. Well, l never keep salt in the house. 58 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,086 But l got squid coming out my ears. 59 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:22,187 Wilson, l don't mean to get personal or anything, but why are you wearing that? 60 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,321 Well, l know it's a tad unusual, Jill. 61 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:27,127 But l just love the feel of a nice terry cloth. 62 00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:32,963 - Oh! The helmet! - Yeah. 63 00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:38,409 This is a prop l'll be using for my upcoming show at Wayne State University. 64 00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,503 Really? You're performing? 65 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:44,209 Yes, l am, for the annual arts festival this Friday. 66 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,151 l'll be performing at the campus coffeehouse. 67 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,654 l'm gonna be doing a monologue on my life. 68 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:54,057 This is so perfect. l mean, your life has been so interesting. 69 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,152 Now everybody else gets to hear about it. 70 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:59,960 Well, it's a little bit scary, but l'm gonna bare my soul. 71 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,127 l'm gonna start off with my tale of a jousting injury in Scotland. 72 00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:06,467 l'm gonna segueway into the summer l spent observing the mating habits 73 00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:07,801 of the mountain gorillas. 74 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,169 - Cocoa and Herman. - Mm-hm. 75 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,805 Yeah. Nine-and-a-half weeks of monkey love. 76 00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:18,677 Jill, would you and your family like to attend? 77 00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:21,276 The most talented artists in Detroit are gonna be there. 78 00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:23,117 Well, of course. We'd love to come. 79 00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:27,181 Oh, you gotta remember to tell them about when you played craps with Gandhi. 80 00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:31,787 Oh, what a night. The Mahatma lost his shirt. 81 00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,992 Well, here's your squid. 82 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,595 Tell Tim if he wants really fresh ones, l got them upstairs in the tub. 83 00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:42,841 [jazz playing] 84 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,740 Watch your wallets. 85 00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:47,803 Do you have reservations? 86 00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,678 Lots of them. But my wife made me come anyway. 87 00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,518 lt's under Taylor. 88 00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,889 - Oh. - Come on, guys. Excuse me. Excuse me. 89 00:05:57,957 --> 00:06:00,790 Mom, these people look kind of weird. 90 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,420 Well, they may look a little odd, but deep down, 91 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:06,056 - they're no different than you and me. - Excuse me. 92 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:10,228 Are you interested in helping to overthrow regimes in the Third World? 93 00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:13,064 l'm eleven. 94 00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:17,334 Attention, everyone. The Campus Cafe Arts Festival will now begin 95 00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,468 with our hostess, Elzina Harris, 96 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:23,845 who will inspire us with her life-affirming poetry. 97 00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:32,916 Die. Die! 98 00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:34,788 Die! 99 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,055 Go on, die! 100 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,388 You first. 101 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:48,635 And now the country folk stylings of Rambling Andy Koplowitz. 102 00:06:56,115 --> 00:07:00,449 # When it's peach-picking time in Georgia 103 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,785 # It's apple-picking time in Tennessee 104 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:09,021 # It's cotton-picking time in Mississippi 105 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:14,123 # And everybody picks on me # 106 00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:19,034 Why do you suppose that is, Andy? 107 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,870 [yodeling] 108 00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:41,826 Sounds like Dad when he gets hit in the groin. 109 00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,994 [music plays] 110 00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,997 What are they doing? 111 00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:59,101 lt's supposed to symbolize trying to get out of the womb. 112 00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,284 You back off or l'll break your water! 113 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:14,352 And now an insightful monologue from an exciting newcomer. 114 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,555 l met him here when l took his class on Celtic mythology. 115 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,928 Give it up for... Wilson. 116 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,126 [applause] 117 00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:32,108 Good evening. My name is Wilson. 118 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:35,238 And l've been told l've led an unusual life. 119 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:38,010 Tonight l'd like to share my journey. 120 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,847 So, come along, won't you? 121 00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:41,283 [bagpipes play] 122 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,291 The year is 1 962. 123 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:54,697 The place, the misty moors of Scotland. 124 00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:57,133 This is good. Now, he is just a natural. 125 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,933 Yeah. Well, anything beats a dancing bag. 126 00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:11,082 l had been living with the Mara Masai tribe for six months. 127 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:15,712 But l had been unable to engage their aged chief in conversation. 128 00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:17,653 l had all but given up hope, 129 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:21,056 until suddenly l was summoned to his death bed, 130 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,995 where he whispered in my ear the words l'll never forget. 131 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,532 [speaks foreign language] 132 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:33,561 Which, roughly translated, meant ''Hidy-ho, neighbor.'' 133 00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:37,971 So that's where he got it. 134 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:41,604 And then we did the dance of death 135 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:45,447 because the chief had died. 136 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:47,212 [chanting in foreign language] 137 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:04,969 l think we know what killed him. 138 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,609 Oh, yuck! lt stinks. 139 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,240 What disgusting concoction have you come up with now? 140 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:20,251 l reheated the pancakes you made yesterday. 141 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:25,046 They smell because you've had them in the fridge 142 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,456 next to weird foods you're making for the contest. 143 00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:30,290 Oh, my God! What is that? 144 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,025 lt's chicken with banana drumsticks. 145 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:38,233 Hi, guys. The paper came and they reviewed last night's show. 146 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,033 Oh, good. Let me see it. 147 00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:43,564 ''The Performing Arts Festival opens at the Campus Cafe. 148 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,807 Who couldn't help but love Elzina Harris's poem, Die, Die, Die?'' 149 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,747 l! l! 150 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,545 l! 151 00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:56,111 l can't believe he liked that. 152 00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:59,885 Oh, wait till you hear what he says about the bag dancers. 153 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:03,656 ''The best fabric choreography l've seen anywhere, bar none. 154 00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:09,098 The only low point of the evening was the meaningless meandering 155 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,864 of a pompous performance artist named Wilson.'' 156 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:13,097 What? 157 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:17,336 ''These were obviously the words of a man completely out of touch with reality. 158 00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:20,708 One wonders if Wilson has ever stepped off his mountain top 159 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,408 to go to a movie, a convenience store or a sporting event. 160 00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:25,746 lf he wants to illuminate the human experience, 161 00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:29,845 he should try living it like the rest of us.'' He's gonna be devastated. 162 00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:31,446 Let me see that. 163 00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,763 This critic doesn't know anything. This guy panned Tool Time. 164 00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,730 He said l was juvenile. 165 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,671 Boy, smells good! What are you cooking? 166 00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:50,504 Bison sausage? Yakwurst? 167 00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:55,342 No, no, no, Tim. Just good old American sausage. My strange food days are over. 168 00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:58,076 And mine have just begun. 169 00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:00,516 You've had practice living the human experience. 170 00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:04,180 Me, l've gotta get down off my mountain top and join the real world. 171 00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:06,781 You read that stupid review, didn't you? 172 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,326 No, Tim. The critic was right. 173 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,761 l've lost all touch with what normal people do. 174 00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:14,732 See, Tim, l've gotta go to monster truck rallies, 175 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,166 buy fast food from the clown. 176 00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:20,796 Tim, l want to learn how to crush a beer can on my head. 177 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:25,440 That's not stuff you want to do. That sounds like stuff l want to do. 178 00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:30,471 Well, l've decided that being a little bit more like you wouldn't hurt. 179 00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:32,312 [grunts] 180 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:36,052 - How do you feel now? - l hurt. 181 00:12:44,196 --> 00:12:46,255 Hi, honey. How was your day? 182 00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:49,563 How was my day? You want to know how my day was? 183 00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,398 Not now. 184 00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:55,433 l couldn't get any work done because Wilson came over. 185 00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:58,477 He said that he wants to be like everybody else. 186 00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:01,513 So he spent the whole day glued to our TV set. 187 00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,104 Did he watch Tool Time? 188 00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:06,049 No, l said he wants to be like everyone else. 189 00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:13,218 He's just like a completely different person. 190 00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:16,453 Don't worry about it. He's spent his life studying other cultures. 191 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,394 Now he's just taking time to study ours. 192 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,557 Well, l hate him like this. 193 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:24,399 l mean, Wilson used to be so evolved and sensitive. 194 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,997 Now he's just turning into... you. 195 00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:35,709 Oh, my God! That's the biggest bag of pork rinds l ever saw. 196 00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:37,715 l love pork rinds. 197 00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:42,613 Hey, guys! What are you doing with that stuff? 198 00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:45,452 [Wilson] Attention, Value Club shoppers. 199 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:48,652 l have just discovered the joy of buying in bulk. 200 00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:51,389 Wilson practically bought out the entire store. 201 00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:53,795 He bought a gross of toilet paper. 202 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,766 [Wilson] Ah! And l brought you some. 203 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,999 Oh, that's three-ply. We couldn't possibly accept that. 204 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,470 Well, l insist. 205 00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:07,444 l never realized how much easier it is to buy toilet paper than make it. 206 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,347 But you love making toilet paper. 207 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:17,287 But who has the time when there's so much TV to watch? 208 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,257 - Wilson just bought a Montesushi 700. - That's right. 209 00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:24,660 With cone filter, PlP, surround sound and splendovision. 210 00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:27,290 [grunting] Oh, l love splendovision! 211 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,567 Yeah, l'm gonna go set it up right now. Thanks for hangin' with me, boys. 212 00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:34,606 Oh, speaking of which, Tim, 213 00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:37,574 would you like to come over to my house tomorrow night and hang? 214 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,134 l'm having the guys over to watch a basketball game. 215 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,271 What guys? You got guys? 216 00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:44,509 Well, actually, they're your guys. 217 00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:49,051 Benny and Harry, 8:00. Be there or be square. 218 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:53,754 Well, Tim, l think we've lost the old Wilson forever. 219 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,918 We might have lost the old. But the new Wilson 220 00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,964 gave me enough toilet paper to last for the rest of the afternoon. 221 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:04,969 - Does everybody know what time it is? - Tool Time! 222 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:09,770 Right. Binford Tools is proud to present Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor! Woo-hoo! 223 00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,776 [applause] 224 00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:20,343 Thank you, everybody. What a nice crowd you are. 225 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,887 Welcome to Tool Time. l'm Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor. 226 00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:26,083 And, of course, you all know my side dish, Al Borland. 227 00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:28,524 - [applause] - Thank you. 228 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,889 Well, we are happy as a bunch of clams, 229 00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:37,629 pleased as punch to welcome you to Tool Time's first Creative Cook-off. 230 00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:42,140 Let's have a warm welcome to our impartial judge, Benny Baroni. 231 00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:45,142 - [cheering] - [theme music plays] 232 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:52,279 Well, are you ready to judge our creative concoctions? 233 00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:56,583 Yes, Al. l just cleansed my palate with a light sherbet. 234 00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:59,818 OK. Well, the scoring will range from one to ten, 235 00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,790 ten being a great dish. 236 00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:04,761 And one for anything that requires a stomach pump. 237 00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:07,321 l'm familiar with the rules. 238 00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:10,300 All right. Well, why don't you start with my entr‚e? 239 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,030 My pleasure. 240 00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,601 [Benny] Mmm. 241 00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:20,976 Savory, tangy... 242 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:23,708 ...a carbonated delight. 243 00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,010 l give it an eight. 244 00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:27,245 Well, thank you. 245 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,184 Thank you. 246 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:33,249 An eight? An eight! 247 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,294 Try mine, huh? Stick your fork into this. 248 00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:53,771 Ugh! Lumpy, noxious... 249 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,337 ...an insult to my colon. 250 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,614 - l give it a minus two. - Minus two? 251 00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:04,520 Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm. 252 00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:09,550 Well, Tim, unless your drink gets a ten out of ten, l think l've won. 253 00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:11,891 l have a lot of faith in my lima bean smoothie. 254 00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,831 You're not supposed to give away the ingredients. 255 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,994 Oh, you know what a sucker l am for lima beans. 256 00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:22,564 l've already cooked my lima beans. Add a soup‡on of secret ingredients. 257 00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:24,472 A little bit of cultured buttermilk. 258 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:29,173 Ah, yeah. And some baking powder just for froth. 259 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:30,738 Tim, you want to be careful. 260 00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:33,785 Buttermilk and baking powder can be a volatile mixture. 261 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,549 Al, back off. l know what l'm doing. All right. Now, just press ''frapp‚'' for me. 262 00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:48,562 Hey, the Pistons just tied it up. 263 00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,398 Great. l've got 50 bucks riding on this game. 264 00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:52,470 What's the spread? 265 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:56,530 The spread is a delightful aerosol cheddar. 266 00:17:56,608 --> 00:18:02,444 And the sample lady said it had a shelf life of 45 years. 267 00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,580 The spread refers to the odds in the final score of the game. 268 00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:09,813 Many times spectators would have to give their clothes to the... 269 00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:11,515 - [cheering on TV] - What happened? 270 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,559 [on TV] That was the most incredible play I have seen all season! 271 00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:17,925 Of course, we didn't get to see it because 272 00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:21,363 somebody's blocking the TV... again. 273 00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:23,924 - [Wilson] Oh! Oh! - How are those little pizzas doing? 274 00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:26,937 Coming right up. Don't do the wave without me. 275 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:33,209 ls it my imagination or is Wilson more annoying than me? 276 00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,007 lt's close. 277 00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:39,849 Be patient, OK? He's just trying to be one of the guys, all right? 278 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,510 Well, if he doesn't stop yapping, 279 00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:44,852 the guys are gonna go over to my house and watch the game. 280 00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:46,686 Listen to you. 281 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,454 Rather than drink beer here and burp up nachos, 282 00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:51,496 you want to be home with your wife? 283 00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:55,089 Well, if l said that, l didn't mean it. 284 00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:02,373 [Wilson] Ah, you know, Germany has a distant cousin to basketball 285 00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,705 which is known as korfball. 286 00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:08,007 lt originated in the village of Braunschweig which is in northern... 287 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:12,642 Wilson, we can't hear you and the announcer at the same time. 288 00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:15,117 [Wilson] Oh, l'm sorry. 289 00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:16,620 [turns off TV] 290 00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:20,215 Anyway, in the seventeenth century in Germany, it was quite a... 291 00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:22,783 That's it! l'm out of here! 292 00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:25,022 - Me too! - Guys... 293 00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:27,065 [Wilson] But what about the mini pizzas? 294 00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:32,929 Hey, Benny, Harry! Come on, guys! 295 00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,529 [Wilson] Oh, no. Let's face it. 296 00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:40,237 [sighs] l'm never gonna be one of the guys. 297 00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:43,475 l'm just gonna be hopelessly pompous and out of touch with reality. 298 00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:46,016 lt's about that review again, isn't it? 299 00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:48,416 He didn't know what he was talking about. 300 00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:51,786 - A lot of people liked your show. - But Tim, you don't understand. 301 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:56,521 He didn't just criticize my show, he criticized my life, who l am. 302 00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:59,462 Aw, come on, Wilson! l've known you what, 1 5 years? 303 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,362 You're a little different, you know. 304 00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:04,459 But you've always been really comfortable with who you are. Huh? 305 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,367 Well, just up until that review, 306 00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,531 l thought my idiosyncrasies had some value. 307 00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:10,165 Well, they do have value. 308 00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:13,268 You know, what happened here is you went out on a limb. 309 00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:16,246 You put your life on the line, the battle zone. You're onstage. 310 00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:19,978 You gave it your all. And, you know, so what? You got hammered. 311 00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:22,813 Ever been hammered on Tool Time? 312 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:27,018 Well, this once l got too close to some shellac and... 313 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:32,829 No, no, no. l mean, have you ever been hammered by a reviewer? 314 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,991 Oh, yeah! Yeah! 315 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,968 Well, how can you not take it personally? 316 00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,004 Hmm. 317 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,200 l'm reminded of one of the greatest entertainers of all time: 318 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,641 Sammy Davis, Jr. 319 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:49,271 He said, ''l gotta be me.'' 320 00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:56,380 To think l've spent my entire life studying the Greek philosophers 321 00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:59,015 and it all comes down to Sammy. 322 00:21:00,792 --> 00:21:04,489 When it comes to wisdom, there's nobody like the Candy Man. 323 00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:08,461 Tim, l want to thank you for not bailing out on me. 324 00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,834 [imitating Sammy Davis, Jr.] Oh, man! Don't change, baby. 325 00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:14,064 l love you the way you are, man. 326 00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:16,732 l dig you, cat. 327 00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,003 l mean, cat, 328 00:21:19,077 --> 00:21:21,841 can you feel the love in this room? 329 00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:23,778 lt's thicker than clam chowder, baby. 330 00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:34,158 The problem l see is how to get rid of a metric ton of pork rinds. 331 00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:37,354 Well, l hope the Value Club lets me return some of this stuff. 332 00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:40,057 Although, l must say l have become quite fond 333 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:43,067 of some of these high-tech appliances. 334 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,035 l think l'm gonna keep that stapler. 335 00:21:47,739 --> 00:21:49,764 Always living on the edge. 336 00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:54,370 What l do want to unload, though, is this answering machine device here. 337 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:56,640 You know, that thing has been blinking all day. 338 00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:01,814 That means you have a message. 339 00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,151 [on machine] This is Stuart from the Campus Cafe. 340 00:22:04,222 --> 00:22:06,383 Your show has gotten a lot of good response. 341 00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:09,621 If you're not already booked, we'd like you to come back on Friday. 342 00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:11,992 - [beeps] - All right! 343 00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:15,263 Thank you, Stuart. l'd love to. 344 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,365 He can't hear you. 345 00:22:24,609 --> 00:22:28,238 [yelling] Thank you, Stuart! l'd love to!