1
00:00:02,288 --> 00:00:04,890
Ooh, looking good, al.
2
00:00:04,992 --> 00:00:09,294
Thank you. I've been
experimenting with those
new volumizing shampoos.
3
00:00:09,395 --> 00:00:11,363
- Mm-hmm.
- Now I've got fluff!
4
00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:14,834
Oh, guess what?
5
00:00:14,935 --> 00:00:16,836
I ran into ilene
at the health club.
6
00:00:16,937 --> 00:00:19,872
- I am so happy for her.
- Happy about what?
7
00:00:20,206 --> 00:00:21,740
- You haven't heard the news?
- What news?
8
00:00:21,841 --> 00:00:25,644
- Nothing, nothing.
- Heidi, come on, come on.
9
00:00:25,745 --> 00:00:30,082
- Come on, what news?
- Al, she's engaged.
10
00:00:29,983 --> 00:00:32,418
- What?
- You know, I could've
heard it wrong.
11
00:00:32,519 --> 00:00:36,088
- I...
- Oh, boy, engaged?
12
00:00:36,189 --> 00:00:38,090
That happened so fast.
13
00:00:38,191 --> 00:00:40,025
She...
14
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:42,427
Ilene's changed her
whole life around.
15
00:00:42,528 --> 00:00:44,296
And, and... I've done...
16
00:00:45,199 --> 00:00:46,866
...Nothing.
17
00:00:46,967 --> 00:00:50,169
But, your hair looks so good.
18
00:00:51,704 --> 00:00:53,505
Does everybody know
what time it is?
19
00:00:53,606 --> 00:00:56,708
- [all] tool time!
- That's right!
20
00:00:56,810 --> 00:00:58,610
Binford tools
is proud to present,
21
00:00:58,711 --> 00:01:02,214
Tim "the tool man" taylor, whoo!
22
00:01:02,315 --> 00:01:04,550
[audience cheering, clapping]
23
00:01:08,455 --> 00:01:10,423
Thank you, heidi.
24
00:01:10,524 --> 00:01:13,192
Thank you, studio audience,
welcome to tool time.
25
00:01:13,293 --> 00:01:16,028
I am who I am,
26
00:01:16,129 --> 00:01:19,398
I am tim "the tool man."
27
00:01:20,634 --> 00:01:24,270
And, of course you all know
my assistant, al borland.
28
00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:31,176
Today we're talking
about sharpening tools,
29
00:01:31,278 --> 00:01:36,415
'cause as we all know,
a dull tool is a useless tool.
30
00:01:36,516 --> 00:01:39,918
And nobody wants a dull,
useless tool.
31
00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:47,025
So what do they do?
They just replace it with a...
32
00:01:47,127 --> 00:01:50,996
...More exciting,
probably better looking tool.
33
00:01:53,367 --> 00:01:57,303
Or they sharpen it.
34
00:01:57,404 --> 00:02:00,273
Which is what al and I
will do today, showing
you how to sharpen
35
00:02:00,374 --> 00:02:03,409
With this professional
knife-sharpening system...
36
00:02:03,510 --> 00:02:06,178
Al? Got a minute?
37
00:02:07,513 --> 00:02:10,482
Got the whole rest of my life.
38
00:02:11,651 --> 00:02:15,454
It'll just be me,
all alone with my tools.
39
00:02:15,555 --> 00:02:18,157
A guy could do worse.
[chuckles]
40
00:02:18,258 --> 00:02:20,192
Let's start with garden tools,
can we?
41
00:02:20,293 --> 00:02:23,595
The simplest way to do that
is use a two grit whetstone. Al?
42
00:02:24,698 --> 00:02:26,098
Huh?
43
00:02:27,534 --> 00:02:31,370
What's the matter with you? Are
you on that all-corn diet again?
44
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:38,277
Uh, to sharpen your garden tool,
you'll wanna...
45
00:02:38,378 --> 00:02:40,780
...Take the whetstone, uh,
46
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,481
Across the surface of the blade,
47
00:02:42,582 --> 00:02:44,650
In strong, smooth strokes,
48
00:02:44,751 --> 00:02:47,920
Following the,
the curve of the blade.
49
00:02:53,293 --> 00:02:56,195
In a former life,
al was a motivational speaker.
50
00:02:58,532 --> 00:02:59,865
Let's talk about knives,
51
00:02:59,966 --> 00:03:03,168
These are chef's knives,
stainless steel with carbon
in them.
52
00:03:03,269 --> 00:03:05,504
They're very expensive,
so a good rule is
53
00:03:05,605 --> 00:03:07,973
Not to use too much pressure.
Pressure must be exact.
54
00:03:08,074 --> 00:03:10,943
Well, what do you know
about pressure? You know.
55
00:03:11,044 --> 00:03:14,046
I'm almost 40
and I'm still single.
56
00:03:14,147 --> 00:03:17,816
You keep this up, you'll be 40,
single and unemployed.
57
00:03:22,623 --> 00:03:25,891
As I said, these knives
are pricey, you want
to pay attention, al.
58
00:03:26,192 --> 00:03:27,326
I know what I'm doing.
59
00:03:27,427 --> 00:03:29,195
I'm just saying,
with proper care,
60
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:32,665
These tools can always be
a precision cutting instrument.
61
00:04:33,159 --> 00:04:34,660
Great show, everyone.
62
00:04:34,761 --> 00:04:37,195
Almost.
63
00:04:37,297 --> 00:04:39,231
Al, what's the matter with you?
64
00:04:39,332 --> 00:04:42,234
I just found out
ilene is engaged.
65
00:04:42,335 --> 00:04:44,703
Ooh, that's the problem. Oh.
66
00:04:44,804 --> 00:04:47,673
- I thought you were over her.
- I am.
67
00:04:47,774 --> 00:04:50,375
But, the point is,
she's moved on.
68
00:04:50,476 --> 00:04:52,945
She's... Found somebody else.
69
00:04:53,046 --> 00:04:56,415
All I've done is switched
to a shampoo with jojoba.
70
00:04:58,785 --> 00:05:02,421
What do you expect, a woman
to pop out of a prell bottle?
71
00:05:02,522 --> 00:05:05,157
Al, you're a bouncin'
and behavin' guy.
72
00:05:05,492 --> 00:05:07,659
- You just gotta get out more.
- Well, I get out.
73
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:12,130
Heck, I'm over at your house
twice this week for dinner.
74
00:05:12,231 --> 00:05:15,300
I mean get out and meet
some women. You gotta get
back in the saddle.
75
00:05:15,401 --> 00:05:17,736
- [sighs] you're right.
- I know I'm right.
76
00:05:17,837 --> 00:05:19,372
- What am I waiting for?
- What?
77
00:05:19,473 --> 00:05:20,839
- Back in that saddle!
- Saddle!
78
00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:22,340
- Back on that horse!
- Horse!
79
00:05:22,442 --> 00:05:24,409
Lasso that future mrs. Borland.
80
00:05:24,677 --> 00:05:26,212
Yippee-yi-yo-ki-yay!
81
00:05:26,313 --> 00:05:27,813
[both shouting]
82
00:05:27,914 --> 00:05:31,083
Howdy! You wanna go out
Saturday night?
83
00:05:36,422 --> 00:05:39,725
[tapping keys]
84
00:05:45,966 --> 00:05:48,100
So, when's dinner?
85
00:05:48,201 --> 00:05:51,971
6:15, same time it's been
every night this week.
86
00:05:54,774 --> 00:05:58,377
Al, um, weren't you supposed
to have a date tonight?
87
00:05:58,478 --> 00:06:00,479
Well, it wasn't really a date.
88
00:06:00,580 --> 00:06:03,315
This lady selling amway
said she might call back.
89
00:06:05,718 --> 00:06:07,452
Wow.
90
00:06:11,091 --> 00:06:13,692
Shouldn't you be home,
waiting for the call?
91
00:06:14,494 --> 00:06:16,762
No, I gave her this number.
92
00:06:18,598 --> 00:06:22,301
And if she doesn't call back,
that's alright too.
93
00:06:22,402 --> 00:06:25,304
'cause I'm here with the people
I love and people who love me.
94
00:06:25,405 --> 00:06:26,438
[door opens]
95
00:06:26,539 --> 00:06:28,407
Borland, you still here?
96
00:06:28,508 --> 00:06:31,743
[shouts]
boys, dinner's here!
97
00:06:31,844 --> 00:06:34,713
So, chicken, huh?
Uh-oh!
98
00:06:34,814 --> 00:06:37,682
You always forget
the moist towelettes.
99
00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:42,054
Do I? Where is my mind?
100
00:06:42,155 --> 00:06:45,357
Not to worry, I got some
emergency towelettes in the car.
101
00:06:47,327 --> 00:06:49,361
Emergency towelettes...
102
00:06:49,462 --> 00:06:51,863
...And he can't get a date?
103
00:06:53,133 --> 00:06:54,733
- Chicken.
- Oh, no.
104
00:06:54,834 --> 00:06:58,303
- You know how much
al likes chicken.
- Al likes anything.
105
00:06:58,404 --> 00:07:01,507
Just hide the drumsticks
so we don't all starve.
106
00:07:01,608 --> 00:07:05,177
Tim, this is ridiculous.
He can't just spend all
of his free time here.
107
00:07:05,278 --> 00:07:08,113
I've got a paper due Friday,
I can't get any work done.
108
00:07:08,214 --> 00:07:09,448
He's driving us nuts.
109
00:07:09,549 --> 00:07:12,651
He keeps following me around,
asking me how I meet women.
110
00:07:15,388 --> 00:07:18,657
Amazing. A grown man
as desperate as mark.
111
00:07:20,593 --> 00:07:21,860
I've got to find him a woman.
112
00:07:22,028 --> 00:07:24,463
Why doesn't he go
on the internet?
113
00:07:24,564 --> 00:07:25,998
He tried that.
114
00:07:26,099 --> 00:07:29,935
He ended up having coffee
with a 60-year-old stripper
named vince.
115
00:07:33,439 --> 00:07:35,340
Got the towelettes!
116
00:07:35,441 --> 00:07:37,643
I also found some packets
of hot sauce
117
00:07:37,743 --> 00:07:40,612
In case tomorrow night we go
"south of the border."
118
00:07:44,817 --> 00:07:48,821
Al... It's not that we don't
love you coming over for dinner
119
00:07:48,922 --> 00:07:51,690
- Night after night after night.
- After night.
120
00:07:51,791 --> 00:07:54,392
But, um, I was thinking
that maybe, I don't know,
121
00:07:54,494 --> 00:07:57,062
You could go out
into the dating world again.
122
00:07:57,163 --> 00:08:00,265
Have you ever considered
going to, like, a singles bar?
123
00:08:00,366 --> 00:08:02,167
Oh, I tried that once.
124
00:08:02,268 --> 00:08:05,170
I spent the whole night
alone at the bar...
125
00:08:05,271 --> 00:08:08,507
...Building a fort
out of swizzle sticks.
126
00:08:08,608 --> 00:08:11,509
Well, al, you can't go
to a singles bar by yourself.
127
00:08:11,611 --> 00:08:15,581
You need to take a friend
with you, that way you feel
more relaxed and confident.
128
00:08:15,682 --> 00:08:19,918
- I don't have
any single friends.
- What about wilson?
129
00:08:20,086 --> 00:08:21,820
- How about benny?
- No, no, no, no.
130
00:08:21,921 --> 00:08:25,323
We wanna attract women,
not repel them.
131
00:08:25,424 --> 00:08:28,593
Well, ok, then, then, just take
a married friend, take tim.
132
00:08:28,694 --> 00:08:30,829
Excuse me?
133
00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:34,632
Yeah, tim would be willing to go
bar-hopping with you tonight.
134
00:08:34,733 --> 00:08:37,369
- I would?
- That's great! Alright!
135
00:08:37,470 --> 00:08:40,339
Hey, hold on a minute,
excuse me a second.
136
00:08:40,307 --> 00:08:43,808
Back the open marriage
mobile up, ok?
137
00:08:43,910 --> 00:08:46,178
You want me to go out
and look for women?
138
00:08:46,279 --> 00:08:48,013
Well... Oh, either that or
139
00:08:48,114 --> 00:08:51,116
We could just have al here
for dinner every night
140
00:08:51,217 --> 00:08:52,617
For the rest of our lives.
141
00:08:52,718 --> 00:08:54,085
Dad, if you love your family,
142
00:08:54,187 --> 00:08:57,155
You'll go to the singles bar,
cruise for chicks.
143
00:08:59,959 --> 00:09:03,996
Tim, you gotta hurry up
and get to the bar before all
the good women are taken.
144
00:09:04,096 --> 00:09:06,932
Ok.
145
00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:10,068
Aren't you the least bit worried
some woman might fall for me?
146
00:09:10,169 --> 00:09:13,305
[laughing] no.
147
00:09:13,406 --> 00:09:16,775
You're only gonna be there long
enough for al to meet somebody.
148
00:09:16,876 --> 00:09:20,579
That's not long enough for
anybody to fall... You gonna
wear this tie?
149
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,114
What's the matter with this tie?
150
00:09:23,216 --> 00:09:27,319
Well, it's fine for business,
but it's no good if you wanna
get some action.
151
00:09:28,488 --> 00:09:31,022
I'm not looking to get
any "action".
152
00:09:31,123 --> 00:09:34,125
I know, but al is and you're
supposed to be part of a team.
153
00:09:34,227 --> 00:09:37,929
You gotta go upstairs
and change your pants.
Wear those black jeans.
154
00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:40,632
- The tight ones?
- Oh, yeah.
155
00:09:42,402 --> 00:09:45,037
You gotta show off that butt,
you know?
156
00:09:45,138 --> 00:09:48,606
- Why would I show off my butt?
- For al!
157
00:09:50,276 --> 00:09:54,345
I'm beginning to think going
after another woman wouldn't
be that bad of an idea.
158
00:09:55,448 --> 00:09:57,081
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, well, ok.
159
00:09:57,182 --> 00:10:01,553
You don't trust me,
we'll just go get a totally
objective opinion, ok?
160
00:10:01,654 --> 00:10:04,956
Ok, tim, spin for your neighbor
one more time.
161
00:10:05,057 --> 00:10:08,227
What do you think? He's going
out. I want him to look good.
162
00:10:08,328 --> 00:10:10,429
She says I should wear
tighter pants for al,
163
00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:12,463
I say I look fine,
what do you say?
164
00:10:12,565 --> 00:10:15,100
Well, how does al
like his men to dress?
165
00:10:17,136 --> 00:10:19,204
It's not for al,
it's for the single women
166
00:10:19,305 --> 00:10:21,840
They're hoping to pick up
at the singles bar.
167
00:10:21,941 --> 00:10:25,377
Oh, silly me,
how could I have missed that?
168
00:10:25,478 --> 00:10:27,613
- It's not as bad as it sounds.
- I hope not.
169
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:31,382
Al's been really lonely,
he's hanging around our house
way too much.
170
00:10:31,483 --> 00:10:35,887
So, I volunteered tim to go
with him to a singles bar
for moral support.
171
00:10:35,988 --> 00:10:37,555
I think this is ridiculous.
172
00:10:37,656 --> 00:10:40,525
Well, tim, there is no sacrifice
too great to make for a friend.
173
00:10:40,627 --> 00:10:45,998
In the words of the
very famous wise men,
kc and the sunshine band,
174
00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:49,200
"shake your booty."
175
00:10:49,301 --> 00:10:51,303
Easy to say,
it's not your booty.
176
00:10:51,404 --> 00:10:54,907
Actually, I've gone to far
greater lengths to help out
a friend.
177
00:10:55,008 --> 00:10:57,609
I remember when I was in japan,
my old flame, miyoshi,
178
00:10:57,710 --> 00:11:00,145
Was too ill to attend
a cooking contest.
179
00:11:00,246 --> 00:11:03,782
So I donned her kimono,
applied a light blush,
180
00:11:03,883 --> 00:11:06,885
And submitted her spinach wasabi
rice cakes to the judge.
181
00:11:08,621 --> 00:11:11,323
So, for a friend,
you dressed up as a woman?
182
00:11:11,424 --> 00:11:14,226
Oh, absolutely.
I walked away with first prize.
183
00:11:15,728 --> 00:11:19,231
And a marriage proposal from
the vice president of toyota.
184
00:11:22,235 --> 00:11:24,403
- So, you see my point?
- What?
185
00:11:24,504 --> 00:11:28,774
Go stuff yourself into those
jeans, then we'll talk about
pick-up lines.
186
00:11:28,875 --> 00:11:31,209
I can use the same pick-up line
I used on you.
187
00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:35,347
I don't think she's really
gonna like, "sorry I hurled
on your shoe."
188
00:11:37,517 --> 00:11:41,520
[music playing]
189
00:12:01,474 --> 00:12:03,608
Wow, look at this place!
190
00:12:04,377 --> 00:12:06,878
It's so hip and happenin'.
191
00:12:06,979 --> 00:12:09,281
What am I doing here?
192
00:12:09,382 --> 00:12:11,216
Same thing every other guy
is doing.
193
00:12:11,317 --> 00:12:14,486
Trying to find a nice,
decent woman in a meat market.
194
00:12:16,322 --> 00:12:18,457
All the women are so beautiful.
195
00:12:18,558 --> 00:12:20,658
What are they gonna want
with me?
196
00:12:20,759 --> 00:12:24,862
I don't know. Why don't you
ask those two girls over there
looking at you.
197
00:12:31,037 --> 00:12:33,071
[sighs]
198
00:12:33,173 --> 00:12:37,075
- Come with me.
- You don't need me,
you're a celebrity.
199
00:12:37,176 --> 00:12:39,344
- Hi.
- [both giggle]
200
00:12:39,545 --> 00:12:42,681
[stammers] uh, tim, I believe
you had something to say?
201
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,884
Hi.
202
00:12:47,486 --> 00:12:49,588
Yeah, that was it. Hi.
203
00:12:49,689 --> 00:12:52,257
- I'm kathy.
- I'm donna.
204
00:12:52,358 --> 00:12:54,259
And, you would be...
205
00:12:56,796 --> 00:12:58,396
Good one!
206
00:13:00,032 --> 00:13:01,099
You are from out of town?
207
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,535
No, we've lived in detroit
all our lives.
208
00:13:04,636 --> 00:13:08,407
Oh, well, have you
seen a show called tool time ?
209
00:13:08,508 --> 00:13:09,808
- No.
- Uh-uh.
210
00:13:09,909 --> 00:13:12,977
- What is it?
- It's a very popular
television show.
211
00:13:13,078 --> 00:13:15,113
- Oh. Cool.
- Really? Wow.
212
00:13:15,214 --> 00:13:17,449
- And I'm the star.
- [both] wow!
213
00:13:17,550 --> 00:13:19,917
- Oh!
- Wow!
214
00:13:20,018 --> 00:13:22,353
- Terrific.
- Yeah.
215
00:13:27,126 --> 00:13:28,526
Anyhoo, where was I?
216
00:13:28,627 --> 00:13:31,830
- Sheboygan
- sheboygan, yeah.
217
00:13:31,931 --> 00:13:35,167
The autograph hounds would not
give me a moment's peace.
218
00:13:35,268 --> 00:13:36,501
Oh, wow.
219
00:13:36,602 --> 00:13:41,206
It must be wonderful to work
with a star of al's magnitude.
220
00:13:42,008 --> 00:13:44,409
What do you do on the show?
221
00:13:45,544 --> 00:13:47,879
He assists me.
222
00:13:48,815 --> 00:13:50,148
Actually, I stand around
223
00:13:50,249 --> 00:13:53,218
And he takes shots at
my grossly overweight mother.
224
00:13:54,854 --> 00:13:58,656
- I've always had
a thing for sidekicks.
- Hmm.
225
00:13:58,757 --> 00:14:00,859
Something salty?
226
00:14:03,495 --> 00:14:06,631
But I think you're
cute enough to be the star.
227
00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:09,667
We gotta go.
228
00:14:09,768 --> 00:14:11,102
- Al.
- Huh?
229
00:14:11,204 --> 00:14:13,004
You got that beard moussing
at 5:00 a.M.
230
00:14:13,105 --> 00:14:16,207
- What are you talking about?
- We don't want
to be late for jill.
231
00:14:16,308 --> 00:14:18,476
- Jill's my boss.
- Oh.
232
00:14:18,577 --> 00:14:22,346
- Oh, uh... I...
- You know, I gotta
get going anyway.
233
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:25,883
Well, tim, you know,
if you feel like hanging out
a little longer,
234
00:14:25,985 --> 00:14:29,988
Then I could always just drive
you to work in the morning.
235
00:14:31,925 --> 00:14:34,192
What kinda car do you got?
236
00:14:39,365 --> 00:14:42,067
Tim.
237
00:14:42,168 --> 00:14:44,469
Morning? Well, then you would...
238
00:14:46,772 --> 00:14:51,009
Well, [clears throat]
it was great meeting you.
Maybe we can get together again?
239
00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:54,846
Hey, who knows?
In the future, down the line,
our paths may cross.
240
00:14:54,947 --> 00:14:56,781
How about tomorrow night?
241
00:14:56,882 --> 00:14:58,283
[both] we'd love to!
242
00:14:58,384 --> 00:15:02,054
That's great! Then the four
of us have a date right here
at 8:00.
243
00:15:02,155 --> 00:15:03,722
I can't wait.
244
00:15:03,823 --> 00:15:07,425
- Don't worry about the drinks,
they're on me.
- [both] thanks. Bye.
245
00:15:16,635 --> 00:15:19,871
What are you thinking about?
You got me into a date!
246
00:15:19,972 --> 00:15:23,908
Well, I wanted to see kathy
again and I didn't want donna
to feel left out.
247
00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:29,514
And you... You were so cold
to her, she probably thinks
you're not interested.
248
00:15:29,615 --> 00:15:32,583
I'm not interested,
I'm married, you idiot!
249
00:15:35,588 --> 00:15:39,458
Well, that's no excuse
for bad manners.
250
00:15:39,559 --> 00:15:41,360
Let's talk about bad manners.
251
00:15:41,461 --> 00:15:44,930
Lying for two hours
saying you hosted tool time?
252
00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:49,534
[stammering] ok, I did, but I
can clear all that up tomorrow
night on our date.
253
00:15:49,635 --> 00:15:52,904
Perfect. While you clear
that up, clear up why I'm not
gonna be there.
254
00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:55,006
No, no, no, you have to come
with me. Just...
255
00:15:55,107 --> 00:15:57,776
...Fly with me one more time,
you're my copilot.
256
00:15:57,877 --> 00:16:01,779
I'm not spending the night here
with a beautiful woman who
worships the ground I stand on.
257
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,382
I'm gonna spend
the night with my wife.
258
00:16:11,891 --> 00:16:16,827
Hey, dad, you all ready
for your big date tonight?
259
00:16:16,929 --> 00:16:20,365
It's not a date, I'm actually
breaking up with her tonight.
260
00:16:21,633 --> 00:16:23,735
Already?
261
00:16:23,836 --> 00:16:25,470
That was a short romance.
262
00:16:25,571 --> 00:16:29,107
There was never a romance,
there never will be a romance.
263
00:16:29,208 --> 00:16:31,609
Well, not with that attitude.
264
00:16:33,579 --> 00:16:36,414
Fellas, the only reason
I'm going down there tonight,
265
00:16:36,515 --> 00:16:38,883
Is I don't trust al
to tell that woman I'm married.
266
00:16:38,984 --> 00:16:43,554
Maybe it's me, but shouldn't you
have told her you're married
on the first date?
267
00:16:43,656 --> 00:16:47,325
And you're supposed
to be our role model.
268
00:16:49,462 --> 00:16:52,264
Whoa! Why are you wearing that?
269
00:16:52,365 --> 00:16:56,067
- For the date I'm going on.
- You can't wear that.
270
00:16:56,168 --> 00:17:00,805
If these pants were any tighter,
my navel would be under
my adam's apple.
271
00:17:00,907 --> 00:17:03,341
Well, I know. I want you
to wear looser pants.
272
00:17:03,442 --> 00:17:06,945
- You look way too sexy.
- I thought you wanted me
to look sexy.
273
00:17:07,212 --> 00:17:10,448
To pick up a woman,
not break up with one.
274
00:17:12,018 --> 00:17:13,684
So I dress like a slob?
275
00:17:13,785 --> 00:17:15,453
Yeah, just dress the way
you normally do,
276
00:17:15,554 --> 00:17:17,689
The rest will
take care of itself.
277
00:17:21,794 --> 00:17:23,461
So, kathy, what is it like
278
00:17:23,562 --> 00:17:26,965
Working for a company
that manufactures spools?
279
00:17:27,066 --> 00:17:29,201
It's great.
280
00:17:29,302 --> 00:17:31,969
Really? Where do you
learn about spools?
281
00:17:32,070 --> 00:17:34,405
Spool school?
282
00:17:41,013 --> 00:17:43,281
I'm gonna tell her
the truth right now.
283
00:17:44,717 --> 00:17:46,684
And then you go
to graduate spool?
284
00:17:48,955 --> 00:17:52,223
Just wait till I make
another date with kathy.
285
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:55,493
- Tim, how do you feel
about marriage?
- Hate it.
286
00:17:55,594 --> 00:17:57,462
What?
287
00:17:57,563 --> 00:18:00,598
- Wow, how about kids?
- I had a vasectomy.
288
00:18:02,301 --> 00:18:05,737
Really? That is terrific.
289
00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:08,840
Well, it's not as much fun
as it sounds.
290
00:18:08,941 --> 00:18:11,510
I have always felt that
marriage was very confining
291
00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:16,548
And that kids greatly
take away from the raw power
of the sexual experience.
292
00:18:16,649 --> 00:18:18,316
[moaning]
293
00:18:18,417 --> 00:18:22,420
Have you noticed the mustard
stain on these chinos?
294
00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:25,956
I'm not looking at the mustard,
I'm looking at the buns.
295
00:18:26,057 --> 00:18:28,726
Hello! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
296
00:18:28,827 --> 00:18:32,196
I have to go to the little
mechanics room, al, you wanna
join me?
297
00:18:32,297 --> 00:18:34,032
- Huh?
- Go change our oil.
298
00:18:34,133 --> 00:18:36,200
- Huh?
- Flush our coolants.
299
00:18:36,301 --> 00:18:37,936
What?
300
00:18:38,604 --> 00:18:40,605
Pee.
301
00:18:47,312 --> 00:18:49,147
- This charade's gotta stop.
- What?
302
00:18:49,248 --> 00:18:50,982
We gotta tell
those women the truth.
303
00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:53,284
Wait till after
the shrimp cocktail.
304
00:18:53,385 --> 00:18:56,588
I'm tired of lying.
I hate her touching me,
305
00:18:56,689 --> 00:18:59,857
I can't pretend to be
something that I'm not.
306
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,235
Perfect timing. Look, the shrimp
cocktail just arrived.
307
00:19:11,337 --> 00:19:14,605
- Hey, before we eat...
- Hey, tim, look! Tiger prawns.
308
00:19:14,707 --> 00:19:16,441
[both growling, laughing]
309
00:19:16,542 --> 00:19:18,909
Before we eat,
I want to make a confession.
310
00:19:19,010 --> 00:19:21,312
You're not really on tv,
are you?
311
00:19:21,413 --> 00:19:25,116
No, no, we are.
But, tim is actually the star.
312
00:19:25,217 --> 00:19:27,319
Yeah, they call me
"the tool man."
313
00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:29,921
Ooh, I bet they do.
314
00:19:31,757 --> 00:19:33,858
They call me
the married tool man.
315
00:19:34,493 --> 00:19:36,361
Aww, man.
316
00:19:36,462 --> 00:19:38,029
- But, but it's not his fault.
- No.
317
00:19:38,130 --> 00:19:40,698
You see, I, I was recovering
from a break-up
318
00:19:40,799 --> 00:19:42,900
And I was feeling uneasy
about dating again.
319
00:19:43,001 --> 00:19:46,571
- So, I asked tim to...
- Deceive my best friend?
320
00:19:46,672 --> 00:19:48,205
And you lied to me.
321
00:19:48,306 --> 00:19:52,744
Well, I hope this doesn't
affect our future.
322
00:19:52,845 --> 00:19:55,880
It can't.
Because there is no future.
323
00:19:55,981 --> 00:19:58,183
- [sighs]
- just checking.
324
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,221
Does your wife know
you're at a singles bar?
325
00:20:05,591 --> 00:20:08,292
It was her idea.
326
00:20:09,228 --> 00:20:12,129
Oh, you showbiz
people are sick.
327
00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:16,968
[sighing]
328
00:20:17,069 --> 00:20:18,702
I hate the single life.
329
00:20:18,803 --> 00:20:21,973
Well, this singles thing
is a lot tougher than I thought.
330
00:20:22,074 --> 00:20:23,942
I should never have lied to her.
331
00:20:24,043 --> 00:20:26,477
No, you shouldn't have
lied to her.
332
00:20:27,279 --> 00:20:29,747
But, she liked you for a while.
333
00:20:29,848 --> 00:20:31,783
She did, didn't she?
334
00:20:33,018 --> 00:20:34,519
It was a good first step.
335
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:37,488
If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't
have been here to take that.
336
00:20:37,590 --> 00:20:40,792
Thanks to you, tim, I...
I've gained my confidence back!
337
00:20:40,893 --> 00:20:43,294
And I learned
something about spools.
338
00:20:45,031 --> 00:20:48,866
You don't need me to find women.
You're, you're...
339
00:20:48,967 --> 00:20:51,102
[chuckles] ...Check out 3:00.
340
00:20:51,203 --> 00:20:53,238
No, 3:00.
341
00:20:56,074 --> 00:20:58,342
Excuse me.
342
00:21:04,082 --> 00:21:05,383
Excuse me.
343
00:21:05,484 --> 00:21:09,120
Hi, I'm al borland and I would
like to buy you a drink.
344
00:21:09,455 --> 00:21:11,255
Oh, I don't drink.
345
00:21:11,356 --> 00:21:15,159
Mostly I just sit here building
forts out of swizzle sticks.
346
00:21:22,034 --> 00:21:24,468
Hello, again. I'm richard.
347
00:21:24,569 --> 00:21:26,938
You like jazz?
348
00:21:36,715 --> 00:21:39,884
Not to worry, I've got
emergency towelettes in my car.
349
00:21:40,486 --> 00:21:43,354
Emergency toilettes.
350
00:21:43,455 --> 00:21:45,790
He can't get... Toilets.
351
00:21:53,999 --> 00:21:58,203
What's the matter with you
you just got... [unintelligible]