1 00:00:02,455 --> 00:00:06,058 Hi. And welcome back to our tool time salute... 2 00:00:06,159 --> 00:00:07,159 [swish] 3 00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:09,996 [crowd] ohhhhhh! 4 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,330 [plop in water sound] 5 00:00:12,666 --> 00:00:13,833 ...To golf. 6 00:00:14,167 --> 00:00:17,102 Let's get to it. We have a very special guest. 7 00:00:17,204 --> 00:00:20,506 That's right. He's number eight in all-time earnings on the pga tour. 8 00:00:20,607 --> 00:00:22,608 He's in town at the golf expo. 9 00:00:22,709 --> 00:00:25,244 Let's give a warm tool time welcome to payne stewart. 10 00:00:25,345 --> 00:00:28,214 [applause] 11 00:00:35,889 --> 00:00:39,492 Thanks for making time to be on the show. You know... 12 00:00:39,593 --> 00:00:43,296 You'd think with the kind of cash you're pulling down, 13 00:00:43,397 --> 00:00:46,265 You could afford the rest of those trousers. 14 00:00:46,366 --> 00:00:51,003 Tim, when you're in the public eye, you have to have a trademark. 15 00:00:51,104 --> 00:00:56,542 With me, it's knickers. With you, it's burns and abrasions. 16 00:00:59,345 --> 00:01:01,714 Well, mr. Stewart, first things first. 17 00:01:01,815 --> 00:01:03,882 How does one go about choosing the right driver? 18 00:01:03,983 --> 00:01:06,719 - Well, it depends on your ability. - Ok. 19 00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:10,155 - Now, what's your handicap, al? - Tim. 20 00:01:11,424 --> 00:01:12,625 Actually, it's 16. 21 00:01:12,726 --> 00:01:16,528 Then along with a few lessons, you'll want a driver like this. 22 00:01:16,629 --> 00:01:19,898 - With an expanded sweet spot. - All right. 23 00:01:19,999 --> 00:01:21,800 Tim, what's your handicap? 24 00:01:21,901 --> 00:01:24,470 Payne, payne, payne... 25 00:01:24,571 --> 00:01:29,007 What's a handicap? I think golf is more of a zen-like, jujitsu type of thing. 26 00:01:29,108 --> 00:01:31,610 His handicap is 35. 27 00:01:31,711 --> 00:01:33,579 You guys think you're so good? 28 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:37,583 Why don't we take a shot at my golf simulator and have a driving contest? 29 00:01:37,684 --> 00:01:38,984 Klaus! 30 00:01:40,486 --> 00:01:43,756 Now, the way that this machine works is there are sensors in the pad 31 00:01:43,857 --> 00:01:47,259 Which measure the velocity and the striking angle of the club. 32 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,928 The vector and the velocity is then measured... 33 00:01:50,029 --> 00:01:53,031 Al, shut up and shoot the thing, will you? 34 00:01:53,133 --> 00:01:55,667 Vector velocities. 35 00:02:00,873 --> 00:02:02,341 [whacking] 36 00:02:03,376 --> 00:02:05,144 [ball plops] 37 00:02:05,245 --> 00:02:10,682 [computer] ninety-five yards. Nice shot, miss. 38 00:02:14,187 --> 00:02:16,956 All right, payne. Let's see what you got. 39 00:02:17,057 --> 00:02:19,491 See what we can come up with here. 40 00:02:29,202 --> 00:02:33,139 [computer] two hundred-ninety-n yards. Nice drive. 41 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,575 Wow. That was a great drive. Well, I guess this contest is over. 42 00:02:36,676 --> 00:02:40,746 Not so fast. Heidi, why don't we bring out my driver? 43 00:02:40,847 --> 00:02:44,983 - Here you are, tim. - Thank you, heidi. 44 00:02:45,084 --> 00:02:47,853 - And what would this be? - I know what this is. 45 00:02:47,954 --> 00:02:52,090 This is a special driver designed for senior citizens to get more distance. 46 00:02:52,191 --> 00:02:57,797 They don't even have to swing it because it's got 25 caliber charge in it. 47 00:02:58,364 --> 00:03:00,566 Not anymore. 48 00:03:02,569 --> 00:03:05,504 I bored it out to a 44 magnum. 49 00:03:05,772 --> 00:03:09,442 - That's cheating. - Welcome to my world. 50 00:03:09,543 --> 00:03:12,044 Stand back, guys. 51 00:03:12,145 --> 00:03:14,279 All right. 52 00:03:15,382 --> 00:03:16,482 Fire in the hole. 53 00:03:16,582 --> 00:03:17,983 [whirring] 54 00:03:18,084 --> 00:03:23,455 [theme from 2001: A space odyssey playing] 55 00:03:31,231 --> 00:03:34,966 [computer] you the man. 56 00:04:31,992 --> 00:04:33,793 Where are you going in that shirt? 57 00:04:33,894 --> 00:04:36,795 Well, it's happy hour at the tiki hut. 58 00:04:36,896 --> 00:04:42,301 You gotta get there by five o'clock, or the pupu platter is picked clean. 59 00:04:42,569 --> 00:04:47,339 Do you actually meet women there? Or just go there to pig out on pupu? 60 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,508 Well, I haven't met anyone yet. 61 00:04:49,609 --> 00:04:52,711 But I'm forming a social network of people with similar interests. 62 00:04:52,812 --> 00:04:56,816 People who eat dinner off toothpicks in the middle of the afternoon. 63 00:04:56,917 --> 00:05:00,152 It's a lot of fun. Why don't you join me for a drink? 64 00:05:00,253 --> 00:05:02,954 I'd like to. You know how I love fresh pupu. 65 00:05:03,056 --> 00:05:07,159 But jill's got the flu and I'm stopping by the pharmacy to pick up medication. 66 00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:08,694 Anything you suggest? 67 00:05:08,795 --> 00:05:10,395 These days I'm strictly homeopathic. 68 00:05:10,496 --> 00:05:13,064 No wonder you're not meeting any women. 69 00:05:14,267 --> 00:05:17,670 If that's how you feel, fine. 70 00:05:17,771 --> 00:05:20,406 Goodnight, al. Goodnight, tim. 71 00:05:20,507 --> 00:05:24,043 - Heidi, is anything wrong? - No, nothing. 72 00:05:24,144 --> 00:05:25,610 Are you sure? 73 00:05:25,711 --> 00:05:28,547 Well, actually, scott and I have separated. 74 00:05:28,648 --> 00:05:30,482 He moved out a couple weeks ago. 75 00:05:30,817 --> 00:05:36,354 Heidi, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say something about this before? 76 00:05:36,455 --> 00:05:39,658 Because I didn't want to bring my personal problems to work. 77 00:05:39,759 --> 00:05:41,126 Why not? 78 00:05:41,127 --> 00:05:44,796 Because you said, "don't ever bring your personal problems to work." 79 00:05:44,897 --> 00:05:47,132 Since when do you listen to me? 80 00:05:47,233 --> 00:05:50,102 Since you said, "I had better start listening to you." 81 00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:53,005 Nice going, mr. Compassion. 82 00:05:53,106 --> 00:05:55,474 I might need a little time off from the show. 83 00:05:55,775 --> 00:05:57,742 - Take as much as you need. - Thanks. 84 00:05:57,677 --> 00:06:01,446 I gotta go drop off amy at scott's. He's got her this week. 85 00:06:01,547 --> 00:06:04,416 We can't leave heidi alone when she's this upset. 86 00:06:04,517 --> 00:06:06,151 Take her to the tiki hut. 87 00:06:06,285 --> 00:06:11,290 Well, nothing raises one's spirits like a fistful of pot stickers. 88 00:06:11,391 --> 00:06:14,092 She doesn't need food. She needs a shoulder to cry on, ok? 89 00:06:14,193 --> 00:06:18,196 Well, I'm not exactly an expert on relationships, tim. 90 00:06:18,297 --> 00:06:23,802 But you're a good friend and you're a good listener. Come on, do it for heidi. 91 00:06:23,904 --> 00:06:26,838 - Do it for the show. - For the show? 92 00:06:26,939 --> 00:06:31,877 If she's too upset to come back, you'll have to squeeze into one of the skirts. 93 00:06:36,782 --> 00:06:41,020 - Here you go, mom. - Oh, thank you, sweetie. 94 00:06:41,121 --> 00:06:43,889 What are you doing with all these mail-order catalogs? 95 00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:47,059 Now that I'm sick, I finally have time to look through them. 96 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:48,227 You gotta see this. 97 00:06:48,328 --> 00:06:51,930 "the world's best earwax removal system". 98 00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:59,071 And if you act now, they'll toss in "the world's best bunion scraper". 99 00:06:59,172 --> 00:07:00,472 All right, off we go. 100 00:07:00,573 --> 00:07:03,842 Yeah. We're going to the mall to pick up some cd's. 101 00:07:03,943 --> 00:07:06,045 [snortling, blowing] 102 00:07:08,748 --> 00:07:11,983 You know what? I'll go with you. 103 00:07:12,085 --> 00:07:14,653 Wait a minute. You don't have to go anywhere. 104 00:07:14,754 --> 00:07:18,190 I've got a music catalog that'll save you money. Look at this. 105 00:07:18,291 --> 00:07:21,460 Fifteen cd's for a penny. 106 00:07:22,495 --> 00:07:26,664 Well, it sounds great. But who's pat boone? 107 00:07:26,966 --> 00:07:29,134 - We'll be home before dinner. - Ok. 108 00:07:29,235 --> 00:07:31,536 - Hey, guys. - Hello, dad. 109 00:07:33,106 --> 00:07:35,207 Well, honey, how are you feeling? 110 00:07:35,308 --> 00:07:38,510 - How do I look? - [groans] 111 00:07:38,611 --> 00:07:40,112 [jill] that's what I thought. 112 00:07:40,213 --> 00:07:43,014 - Help is on the way. Look what I got. - Oh. 113 00:07:43,116 --> 00:07:47,652 Ibuprofen. I got antihistamines. I got decongestants, analgesics. 114 00:07:47,753 --> 00:07:51,290 I got daytime decongestant. I've got nighttime decongestant. 115 00:07:51,391 --> 00:07:56,428 You take two of everything here and that flu'll be out of your system in an hour. 116 00:07:56,529 --> 00:08:00,466 If I take two of everything here, I'll be dead in an hour. 117 00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:04,303 Think it'll take the whole hour? 118 00:08:04,404 --> 00:08:08,774 - So, how was work today? - Not so good. 119 00:08:08,874 --> 00:08:10,909 Heidi's marriage is in trouble. 120 00:08:11,010 --> 00:08:12,711 What? 121 00:08:12,812 --> 00:08:14,479 Yeah. She and scott are separated. 122 00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,148 Oh, my god. That's terrible. 123 00:08:16,249 --> 00:08:18,917 Apparently, it hasn't been good for quite a while. 124 00:08:19,019 --> 00:08:23,789 Oh, no. I have to call her. She probably wants a woman to talk to. 125 00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:27,559 It's all taken care of. She's having dinner with al. 126 00:08:27,661 --> 00:08:31,997 That's a good question. The show's about to begin. Enjoy yourselves. 127 00:08:32,098 --> 00:08:33,599 - Heidi? - Hi, tim. 128 00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:35,434 I thought you needed time off. 129 00:08:35,535 --> 00:08:37,603 I did, too. But then I had dinner with al. 130 00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:41,740 - He put everything in perspective. - You and scott getting back together? 131 00:08:41,841 --> 00:08:44,310 I don't know. But I've made it over this first hurdle. 132 00:08:44,411 --> 00:08:46,912 Al really helped me get in touch with my rage. 133 00:08:47,013 --> 00:08:50,282 Hm. No one brings out rage better than al. 134 00:08:50,383 --> 00:08:51,650 [chuckles] 135 00:08:57,390 --> 00:08:59,425 - Good morning, tim. - Hi, al. 136 00:08:59,526 --> 00:09:03,161 I don't know what you talked about with heidi. But it did a lot of good. 137 00:09:03,262 --> 00:09:07,166 [sighs] well, last night was pretty incredible for me, too, you know. 138 00:09:07,267 --> 00:09:12,937 We talked about everything from the weather to intimate details of her life. 139 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,975 Forget the weather. How about the other stuff? 140 00:09:17,076 --> 00:09:21,713 Well, basically, you know, after amy was born, heidi didn't feel very sexual. 141 00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:25,417 Scott wasn't understanding and that turned heidi off to sex even more. 142 00:09:25,551 --> 00:09:28,587 - So they're not...Uh... - No. No. Not for a while. 143 00:09:28,688 --> 00:09:31,790 Huh. But before the baby, oh, my god! 144 00:09:32,325 --> 00:09:33,992 What? What? 145 00:09:34,093 --> 00:09:37,997 Well, I've already said too much. I don't want to betray heidi's confidence. 146 00:09:38,098 --> 00:09:41,033 - I can respect that. - Ok. 147 00:09:41,134 --> 00:09:46,138 Now, I could guess some things. If I'm real close, you could just nod. 148 00:09:46,239 --> 00:09:48,339 [heidi] everybody know what time it is? 149 00:09:48,641 --> 00:09:50,275 Tool time! 150 00:09:50,376 --> 00:09:54,179 That's right. Binford tools is proud to present tim "the tool man" taylor 151 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:59,685 And al "the most sensitive guy in the world" borland! Woo-hoo! 152 00:09:59,786 --> 00:10:02,154 [applause] 153 00:10:06,793 --> 00:10:08,794 - [humming] - [jill] good morning. 154 00:10:08,895 --> 00:10:12,197 Good morning. Wait a minute. Hold on. 155 00:10:12,298 --> 00:10:14,599 Something's different. Let me guess. 156 00:10:16,302 --> 00:10:18,603 You did something with your hair, didn't you? 157 00:10:18,704 --> 00:10:24,109 It's a sinus mask. Ok? But if it doesn't work, it's totally returnable. 158 00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:28,380 I'd love to be the second owner of that thing. 159 00:10:28,681 --> 00:10:32,284 Before you waste more money, al's got a bunch of homoerotic remedies. 160 00:10:32,385 --> 00:10:33,585 Why don't I call him? 161 00:10:33,753 --> 00:10:36,688 Speaking of work, how's heidi doing? 162 00:10:36,789 --> 00:10:40,726 Very well, thanks to al. And he's really taking care of her problems. 163 00:10:40,827 --> 00:10:43,295 Heidi must be grateful to have a friend like al. 164 00:10:43,396 --> 00:10:44,763 [phone ringing] 165 00:10:44,864 --> 00:10:48,867 Stay in the shower, al. I got it. Good morning. Borland residence. 166 00:10:48,968 --> 00:10:52,603 Uh, wrong number. Bye-bye. 167 00:10:54,006 --> 00:10:59,711 - [al] who was it? - It sounded like one of the muppets. 168 00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:02,414 Is something wrong? 169 00:11:02,515 --> 00:11:06,518 Heidi just answered the phone at al's house at 7:30 in the morning. 170 00:11:06,619 --> 00:11:11,423 She must've spent the night there. Now I feel sick. 171 00:11:15,128 --> 00:11:19,331 Oh, god. Oh, god. 172 00:11:19,432 --> 00:11:24,603 [exhaling] I've got this image of al and heidi. 173 00:11:24,703 --> 00:11:27,472 Get out of my head! Get out of my head! 174 00:11:27,706 --> 00:11:31,943 Heidi did not sleep with al. First of all, she's a married woman. 175 00:11:32,044 --> 00:11:35,146 And second of all, she, she wouldn't go for a guy like al. 176 00:11:35,247 --> 00:11:37,148 Her husband is tall and handsome. 177 00:11:37,249 --> 00:11:42,320 I mean, he spends more time at the gym than al does at hickory farms. 178 00:11:42,422 --> 00:11:44,490 Honey, I'm not saying that it happened. 179 00:11:44,591 --> 00:11:48,693 But I could understand how a woman like heidi could fall for a guy like al. 180 00:11:48,794 --> 00:11:50,429 In what universe? 181 00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:53,599 Women like heidi have had the gorgeous hunks. 182 00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:58,336 The second time around, they want somebody less exciting, more dependable. 183 00:11:58,437 --> 00:12:02,374 Me... I went for number two first. 184 00:12:03,576 --> 00:12:06,010 You don't understand. You do not understand. 185 00:12:06,111 --> 00:12:08,780 Al is like a dependable four-door rambler... 186 00:12:08,848 --> 00:12:11,450 ...And heidi like twelve-cylinder ferrari. 187 00:12:11,551 --> 00:12:14,586 They don't belong in the same garage. 188 00:12:14,687 --> 00:12:17,989 And yet she parked overnight there. 189 00:12:18,090 --> 00:12:20,292 Nothing happened! 190 00:12:20,393 --> 00:12:23,127 But I won't rest until I find out what's going on. 191 00:12:23,228 --> 00:12:27,465 Oh, tim. Look, even if they were parked in the same garage, 192 00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:30,468 You are not their mechanic. You're just being petty. 193 00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:32,203 Oh, I'm being petty? 194 00:12:32,304 --> 00:12:37,341 Yeah. Why should you be the only one with an incredibly desirable woman? 195 00:12:40,846 --> 00:12:42,681 - Hi, al. - Hey. 196 00:12:42,782 --> 00:12:46,517 Hey, would you help me put my tool belt on? I just touched up my nails. 197 00:12:46,619 --> 00:12:50,288 - Okey-dokey. [chuckles] - thank you. 198 00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:52,791 [both chuckling] 199 00:12:52,892 --> 00:12:54,593 - Hey. - Yeah? 200 00:12:54,694 --> 00:12:59,263 I just want to tell you how wonderful it's been for me these past few days. 201 00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:05,336 Well, it's been pretty incredible for me, too. 202 00:13:05,437 --> 00:13:07,205 You're really a special lady. 203 00:13:07,306 --> 00:13:09,708 Thanks. You have a good show. 204 00:13:09,809 --> 00:13:12,978 - You, too. - Ok. 205 00:13:13,079 --> 00:13:15,446 - Morning, tim. - [chuckles] is it? 206 00:13:15,547 --> 00:13:18,049 [al whistling] 207 00:13:19,919 --> 00:13:22,320 Hey! How are you buddy? 208 00:13:22,421 --> 00:13:24,489 Good. 209 00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:28,392 You know, I, uh, called your house this morning and heidi answered the phone. 210 00:13:28,661 --> 00:13:32,196 - So, you're kermit? - [imitating kermit the frog] maybe. 211 00:13:32,297 --> 00:13:33,798 Uh-huh. 212 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,367 Well, anyway, jill and I got to talking 213 00:13:36,468 --> 00:13:39,738 And we were thinking that maybe you and heidi were... 214 00:13:40,072 --> 00:13:41,639 What? 215 00:13:41,740 --> 00:13:43,008 You know. 216 00:13:43,109 --> 00:13:46,444 Even though I told her that a rambler couldn't jump-start a ferrari. 217 00:13:46,545 --> 00:13:48,046 But, you know... 218 00:13:48,147 --> 00:13:50,515 So what you're saying is that it would be impossible 219 00:13:50,617 --> 00:13:54,820 For heidi to be interested in al? 220 00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:58,590 No. I don't believe it. But other people are talking. 221 00:13:58,691 --> 00:14:01,960 Well, those other people can think what they want. 222 00:14:02,061 --> 00:14:05,664 Amen. Amen. 223 00:14:07,232 --> 00:14:09,334 [clearing throat] 224 00:14:09,435 --> 00:14:14,172 But, uh, would those other people be right or would they be wrong? 225 00:14:14,273 --> 00:14:18,577 Well, tim, are you asking me to talk about my personal life at work? 226 00:14:18,678 --> 00:14:22,414 Yes. I think it's about time we opened up and shared our experiences. 227 00:14:24,317 --> 00:14:28,186 Ok. I, uh, I actually have something I'd like to share. 228 00:14:28,287 --> 00:14:30,188 Let it go. Don't hold anything back. 229 00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:32,290 The truth is, heidi and I... 230 00:14:32,391 --> 00:14:34,159 Yeah? Yeah? 231 00:14:34,260 --> 00:14:38,597 [imitating kermit] ...Are entitled to our privacy. 232 00:14:43,302 --> 00:14:44,836 [whirrs] 233 00:14:46,372 --> 00:14:49,441 There's 40 bucks well spent. 234 00:14:49,542 --> 00:14:54,679 Hey, this happens to be the world's best tissue disposer. 235 00:14:54,781 --> 00:14:58,717 It shreds, decontaminates, and deodorizes. 236 00:14:58,818 --> 00:15:00,619 [whirrs] 237 00:15:02,455 --> 00:15:05,791 I wonder if it would work on your meatloaf. 238 00:15:07,759 --> 00:15:09,628 I'll be back in about an hour. All right? 239 00:15:09,729 --> 00:15:10,928 Where are you going? 240 00:15:11,029 --> 00:15:13,465 I'm gonna go over to al's house and do some repairs. 241 00:15:13,566 --> 00:15:15,700 Dad, it's ten o'clock at night. 242 00:15:15,801 --> 00:15:17,435 I'm a conscientious landlord, son. 243 00:15:17,536 --> 00:15:22,574 The same landlord who said, "al, do you really need heat in February?" 244 00:15:24,243 --> 00:15:28,713 What are you gonna fix with these binoculars? 245 00:15:28,814 --> 00:15:32,317 That is such an insulting question I'm not even gonna answer it. 246 00:15:32,418 --> 00:15:35,286 You have sunk this low. You're gonna go spy on poor al. 247 00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:38,055 I just don't want him hurt. I'm gonna need those back. 248 00:15:38,157 --> 00:15:40,691 No. Forget about it. You're not going there. 249 00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:42,961 There's nothing wrong with being curious. 250 00:15:43,062 --> 00:15:44,896 You are not curious; you're obsessed. 251 00:15:44,997 --> 00:15:46,531 I'm not obsessed. 252 00:15:46,632 --> 00:15:49,500 Last night you cried out their names in your sleep. 253 00:15:50,803 --> 00:15:54,005 And after that I just cried. 254 00:15:54,106 --> 00:15:56,942 It's torture having this image filling up my brain. 255 00:15:57,043 --> 00:16:00,712 Especially with space at such a premium. 256 00:16:05,951 --> 00:16:07,752 [sniffing] 257 00:16:07,853 --> 00:16:11,722 Ooh. Something smells good out here, wilson. What are you doing? 258 00:16:11,824 --> 00:16:15,160 [wilson] I'm boiling up some sap for the michigan maple festival. 259 00:16:15,261 --> 00:16:18,930 Speaking of saps, wait till you hear what al's been doing. 260 00:16:19,031 --> 00:16:22,266 [wilson] you don't have to tell me. I've heard all about it. 261 00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:23,602 What? 262 00:16:23,703 --> 00:16:26,238 What al told me is in strictest confidence. 263 00:16:26,339 --> 00:16:29,274 - Well, you know, wilson... - [wilson] mm-hm? 264 00:16:29,375 --> 00:16:31,910 ...I could get you a riding mower from binford. 265 00:16:32,011 --> 00:16:34,846 Sixteen-horse rear-bagger for cost plus ten. 266 00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:38,416 [wilson chuckling] sorry, neighbor. I can't be bought. 267 00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:40,117 Why would al tell you and not me? 268 00:16:40,419 --> 00:16:45,390 Well, maybe because I didn't search his locker for long brown hairs. 269 00:16:45,491 --> 00:16:50,228 Which, according to the lab, either belonged to a collie or al's mother. 270 00:16:51,964 --> 00:16:55,333 Tim, why are you so interested in al and heidi's personal life? 271 00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:58,970 I don't know. I've never cared about al's personal life before. 272 00:16:59,071 --> 00:17:03,007 And I've never asked heidi about hers. But you put the two of them together... 273 00:17:03,108 --> 00:17:06,411 [straining] there's that image again. 274 00:17:06,512 --> 00:17:10,382 [wilson] tim, have you ever heard of the term "cognitive dissonance?" 275 00:17:10,483 --> 00:17:13,484 You know I'm not into politics. 276 00:17:13,585 --> 00:17:17,088 Cognitive dissonance is when pieces of our lives no longer make sense. 277 00:17:17,189 --> 00:17:22,360 Beliefs we always held true seem to be false so we reorder our way of thinking. 278 00:17:23,428 --> 00:17:24,996 [chuckling] 279 00:17:25,097 --> 00:17:28,833 Are you saying a rambler could hook bumpers with a ferrari? 280 00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:30,702 It's very possible. 281 00:17:30,803 --> 00:17:34,739 No, no. If what you say is true then everything I believe is false. 282 00:17:34,941 --> 00:17:39,444 - Now, tim. That's not necessarily... - Let me go with this for a minute. Ok? 283 00:17:39,545 --> 00:17:42,914 This means that maybe cars aren't the most important thing in the world. 284 00:17:43,148 --> 00:17:44,616 - Ohh... - No, wait a minute. 285 00:17:44,717 --> 00:17:47,285 [stammering] opera's more manly than football? 286 00:17:47,386 --> 00:17:50,655 - Neighbor... - Al's mother is thin? 287 00:17:52,458 --> 00:17:56,394 Tim, it's not easy to change one's perceptions. But it can be very healthy. 288 00:17:56,495 --> 00:17:59,097 Some people might say it's a growth experience. 289 00:17:59,198 --> 00:18:00,799 Ok, wilson. How far does this go? 290 00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:03,168 How do I really know you are who I think you are? 291 00:18:03,269 --> 00:18:06,704 - How do I know you're who I think? - How do I know you said that? 292 00:18:06,939 --> 00:18:09,440 - How do I know you heard? - How do I know you're here? 293 00:18:09,541 --> 00:18:14,512 Who else would have the time to come out and listen to this silly conversation? 294 00:18:17,249 --> 00:18:19,517 Hey, al. Can I talk to you for a minute? 295 00:18:19,618 --> 00:18:21,386 I don't think so. 296 00:18:21,487 --> 00:18:25,556 I'm not gonna feed your appetite for lurid gossip and tawdry innuendo. 297 00:18:25,657 --> 00:18:30,462 And, by the way, I installed an alarm on my locker. 298 00:18:31,496 --> 00:18:34,265 I shouldn't have gotten involved in your personal life. 299 00:18:34,366 --> 00:18:37,401 From now on, your business is your business, all right? 300 00:18:37,502 --> 00:18:39,437 Well, I appreciate that. 301 00:18:39,538 --> 00:18:43,541 If there's any other part of my life you want to talk about, I'm an open book. 302 00:18:43,642 --> 00:18:45,910 I'm not much of a reader. Thanks. 303 00:18:46,011 --> 00:18:48,079 - Have a good show. - Ok. 304 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,848 - Good morning, al. - How are ya? 305 00:18:50,949 --> 00:18:54,652 - Oh, I feel so great this morning. - Oh, I feel pretty great myself. 306 00:18:54,753 --> 00:18:56,688 How about sorentino's for dinner tonight? 307 00:18:56,789 --> 00:18:59,291 All week long it's "fettuccine madness"! 308 00:18:59,392 --> 00:19:01,592 - I'm afraid I can't make it. - Why not? 309 00:19:01,693 --> 00:19:06,798 Well, thanks to the things you said, I saw scott last night. 310 00:19:06,899 --> 00:19:10,468 And we're gonna get back together. Isn't that great? 311 00:19:10,569 --> 00:19:15,273 Oh, that's so great! Yes, that's... Good for you! 312 00:19:15,374 --> 00:19:18,042 - Thanks. I got you a something. - You didn't have to do that. 313 00:19:18,143 --> 00:19:20,745 - I wanted to. Here. - Oh, thank you. 314 00:19:20,846 --> 00:19:25,016 I also want to thank you for letting me sleep on your hide-a-bed. 315 00:19:25,117 --> 00:19:27,819 Well, now I call it the heidi-bed. 316 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,988 [chuckling] good. 317 00:19:31,089 --> 00:19:33,792 Oh, it's the tiki hut cookbook! 318 00:19:33,893 --> 00:19:37,028 - Do you like it? - I love this! 319 00:19:37,129 --> 00:19:38,596 Now I can make pupu at home. 320 00:19:38,697 --> 00:19:41,332 [both laughing] 321 00:19:42,367 --> 00:19:45,503 Hey, al. Thank you for everything. 322 00:19:45,604 --> 00:19:48,105 Oh, well... 323 00:19:48,206 --> 00:19:52,911 Uh, heidi... Uh...Can I just talk to you about one thing? 324 00:19:53,011 --> 00:19:54,512 Sure. What? 325 00:19:54,613 --> 00:19:58,049 Well, after that night you stayed at my house, 326 00:19:58,150 --> 00:20:03,888 Tim got this crazy idea that, that you and I might have... 327 00:20:03,989 --> 00:20:05,623 How do I say this? 328 00:20:05,724 --> 00:20:09,227 - Slept together. - Yeah. Ok. Yeah, that's it. 329 00:20:09,328 --> 00:20:11,996 And he thought that was impossible 330 00:20:12,097 --> 00:20:14,799 Because he doesn't think a beautiful woman like you 331 00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:18,769 Could ever be interested in, in a guy like me. 332 00:20:18,870 --> 00:20:20,204 Oh, is that so? 333 00:20:20,305 --> 00:20:22,607 Well, let me tell you something, al. 334 00:20:22,708 --> 00:20:28,212 If I weren't married, you're exactly the type of guy I'd be looking for. 335 00:20:33,152 --> 00:20:37,755 Thank you. I wish, I wish tim could hear you say that. 336 00:20:37,856 --> 00:20:42,661 You know, I don't think tim really needs to hear anything. 337 00:20:52,471 --> 00:20:54,939 - Howdy, wilson. - [wilson] hidy-ho. 338 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,742 Not hidy-ho. Let's talk heidi-al. 339 00:20:57,843 --> 00:21:01,045 Tim, are you still obsessing about that? 340 00:21:01,146 --> 00:21:03,982 Well, I wasn't until today when I saw heidi kissing al. 341 00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:07,351 And no peck on the cheek. She just drove it home. 342 00:21:07,619 --> 00:21:09,187 - Tim. - Yeah? 343 00:21:09,288 --> 00:21:11,489 Get a hobby. 344 00:21:12,624 --> 00:21:13,624 Good-night. 345 00:21:13,726 --> 00:21:16,461 I think you're right about what you said yesterday. 346 00:21:16,562 --> 00:21:20,865 Nothing's right with me. I think I am suffering from communist discotheque. 347 00:21:20,966 --> 00:21:24,068 Tim, can we chat about this tomorrow? I am a little busy. 348 00:21:24,403 --> 00:21:28,873 [athene] wilson, where do you keep a copy of lady chatterley's lover? 349 00:21:30,108 --> 00:21:32,209 I gotta get some new friends. 350 00:21:36,915 --> 00:21:38,883 You'd think with all the money you pull down 351 00:21:38,984 --> 00:21:42,920 You could afford the rest of those pantaloonies... 352 00:21:43,021 --> 00:21:46,191 - [beeping] - you'd think with the money you make... 353 00:21:46,292 --> 00:21:48,292 I have... I have... I have... 354 00:21:48,393 --> 00:21:51,762 I have to say the word "culottes" just once. 355 00:21:52,030 --> 00:21:56,601 You don't want to be the only one with a desirable woman.