1 00:00:00,854 --> 00:00:04,390 - Does everybody know what time it is? - Tool time! 2 00:00:04,491 --> 00:00:07,226 That's right. Binford tools is proud to present... 3 00:00:07,327 --> 00:00:09,828 Tim "the tool man" taylor! 4 00:00:09,929 --> 00:00:12,164 [applause] 5 00:00:16,936 --> 00:00:19,838 Thank you. Thank you, everybody. 6 00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:24,643 Welcome to tool time. I am tim "the tool man" taylor. 7 00:00:24,744 --> 00:00:29,181 And you all know my assistant, hugh hefty. 8 00:00:29,282 --> 00:00:33,952 All week long we've been showing you things that make men's lives easier. 9 00:00:34,053 --> 00:00:38,457 Yesterday it was wives with laryngitis. 10 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,962 But today it's our tool time salute... 11 00:00:43,063 --> 00:00:44,997 [both] to remote control. 12 00:00:45,098 --> 00:00:48,434 The first television remote was connected to the tv with a wire. 13 00:00:48,535 --> 00:00:51,203 - It was invented in 1950. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 14 00:00:51,304 --> 00:00:54,173 Al, my dad had a wireless remote control 15 00:00:54,274 --> 00:00:56,642 That was voice-activated in 1950. 16 00:00:56,743 --> 00:00:58,210 Tim, that's impossible. 17 00:00:58,311 --> 00:01:00,779 No, it's not. It was called mom. 18 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:06,118 Ladies, write to tim taylor, care of tool time, po box 327... 19 00:01:06,219 --> 00:01:08,955 A lot of popular toys these days are remote control, 20 00:01:09,056 --> 00:01:12,925 Cars, boats, planes, even submarines, but here's my favorite one here. 21 00:01:13,026 --> 00:01:16,162 - What would that be? - The company calls it a flying saucer. 22 00:01:16,263 --> 00:01:18,363 It looks more like a blimp to me. 23 00:01:18,464 --> 00:01:22,668 I can't believe you'd be interested in this. It's quiet, simple, slow. 24 00:01:22,769 --> 00:01:25,237 Just like you, al. 25 00:01:26,639 --> 00:01:30,209 I've installed a little spy camera on it. Watch this. 26 00:01:34,915 --> 00:01:39,651 Hey, what do you think this is, the teachers' lounge? Put out that butt. 27 00:01:43,957 --> 00:01:46,091 Oh, the humanity! 28 00:01:48,261 --> 00:01:50,062 Can we get back to the show now? 29 00:01:50,163 --> 00:01:53,332 We wouldn't want to muddy up the show with entertainment. 30 00:01:53,433 --> 00:01:56,068 Ok, now we get to the ultimate in remote control. 31 00:01:56,169 --> 00:01:59,105 - What would that be? - It's called virtual reality. 32 00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:02,541 You become the remote control. You become part of the action. 33 00:02:02,642 --> 00:02:05,945 - What kind of action? - You name it. Car racing, football... 34 00:02:06,046 --> 00:02:10,249 How about basketball? How would you like to go one-on-one with grant hill? 35 00:02:10,350 --> 00:02:12,484 - That would be great! - Slip these on. 36 00:02:12,585 --> 00:02:15,821 These are virtual-reality optical sensing devices. 37 00:02:15,922 --> 00:02:18,323 The circuitry must be incredibly small. 38 00:02:18,424 --> 00:02:21,426 They look like regular sunglasses. 39 00:02:26,466 --> 00:02:30,402 Now, slip your hand into this. This is a tactile sensory device. 40 00:02:30,503 --> 00:02:35,507 Well, this looks just like the work glove that disappeared out of my locker. 41 00:02:38,778 --> 00:02:42,782 When I turn on the machine, there might be a bright light, so watch out. 42 00:02:44,417 --> 00:02:49,188 - Now, turn around. - Oh, my gosh! It's grant hill! 43 00:02:49,289 --> 00:02:51,123 [applause] 44 00:02:51,224 --> 00:02:53,426 Man! 45 00:02:56,296 --> 00:03:00,433 It's like... It's like he's right here. I can almost touch him. 46 00:03:00,534 --> 00:03:03,369 Come on, round man. Show me what you got. 47 00:03:05,905 --> 00:03:10,275 You really have to dribble it. Yeah! 48 00:03:10,377 --> 00:03:13,679 All right. I'll just give him my patented jump shot. 49 00:03:13,780 --> 00:03:16,047 I guess flannel men can't jump. 50 00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:21,620 Man! Well, I don't have to jump. I can just blow by you. 51 00:03:21,721 --> 00:03:25,156 You're a virtual reality. [laughs] 52 00:03:25,258 --> 00:03:27,693 I can just blow right by... 53 00:03:29,162 --> 00:03:32,764 - Wow, that hurts. - Well, it didn't really hurt, did it? 54 00:03:32,865 --> 00:03:35,100 It was just virtual pain. 55 00:04:32,659 --> 00:04:34,860 Aah! 56 00:04:36,028 --> 00:04:38,096 [tim] did I scare you, wilson? 57 00:04:38,197 --> 00:04:42,000 Well, not you. It's that flying baked potato. 58 00:04:42,101 --> 00:04:45,504 Well, the manufacturer says it looks like an alien spaceship. 59 00:04:45,605 --> 00:04:48,674 I think it looks like a big jiffy pop container. 60 00:04:48,775 --> 00:04:52,845 I tend to agree. A real spaceship would have some form of internal propulsion. 61 00:04:52,946 --> 00:04:55,481 - Should look more like a saucer. - An iridescent glow. 62 00:04:55,715 --> 00:05:00,286 - A low hum. - 26 diamond-shaped windows in a row. 63 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,855 The flying saucer out of forbidden planet 64 00:05:02,956 --> 00:05:04,623 Or the day the earth stood still ? 65 00:05:04,724 --> 00:05:08,293 - I wasn't talking about a movie. - What were you talking about? 66 00:05:08,528 --> 00:05:10,829 Well, nothing. Oh, look at the rain. 67 00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:12,932 Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 68 00:05:13,033 --> 00:05:16,035 Were you talking about a... A real ufo? 69 00:05:16,136 --> 00:05:19,838 - Maybe. - Have you seen a real ufo? 70 00:05:19,939 --> 00:05:22,274 Maybe. 71 00:05:22,442 --> 00:05:26,111 - Come on. It's just us out here. - Maybe. 72 00:05:28,181 --> 00:05:31,016 You know, tim, I've never told anybody this, 73 00:05:31,117 --> 00:05:33,585 But one night when I was living with my parents 74 00:05:33,686 --> 00:05:37,088 Outside the turkish city of cappadocia... 75 00:05:39,091 --> 00:05:42,761 ...I saw an alien craft land. 76 00:05:46,732 --> 00:05:49,334 Did you see little green men come out of it? 77 00:05:49,435 --> 00:05:52,638 No, no, no, no, no, no. These men were bluish-gray. 78 00:05:54,207 --> 00:05:55,541 Assuming they were men. 79 00:05:55,642 --> 00:05:59,245 I didn't see any sexually distinguishing features. 80 00:05:59,346 --> 00:06:01,313 Well, you had just met. 81 00:06:05,351 --> 00:06:09,354 Oh, I tell you, it was an amazing thing. I'll never forget it. 82 00:06:09,455 --> 00:06:13,191 Well, how'd the night go? Some cocktails and a quick probe? 83 00:06:14,594 --> 00:06:17,696 Oh, tim! I never should've told you about this. 84 00:06:17,797 --> 00:06:19,365 No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, wilson. 85 00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:21,800 I understand completely what happened. 86 00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:24,570 Have you been inside shellacking all day? 87 00:06:24,671 --> 00:06:27,573 If you don't get enough ventilation, it can really... 88 00:06:27,674 --> 00:06:31,009 I do that, I think I'm aquaman. 89 00:06:34,380 --> 00:06:35,447 What are those? 90 00:06:35,548 --> 00:06:38,217 In case I don't get that soccer scholarship, 91 00:06:38,318 --> 00:06:41,320 I need to figure out a great place to go to college. 92 00:06:41,421 --> 00:06:43,555 The university of hawaii. 93 00:06:44,825 --> 00:06:46,959 Cancún college. 94 00:06:48,628 --> 00:06:50,762 Virgin islands state? 95 00:06:51,998 --> 00:06:54,766 You going to college or on a cruise? 96 00:06:54,868 --> 00:06:57,970 All these schools have great academic programs. 97 00:06:58,071 --> 00:07:01,707 Is that why you divided them into beach schools and ski schools? 98 00:07:03,276 --> 00:07:06,111 - Hi, guys. - [brad] what's up, mom? 99 00:07:06,212 --> 00:07:07,946 Are you looking at school catalogs? 100 00:07:08,114 --> 00:07:11,583 Yeah, I think it's about time I get serious about college. 101 00:07:11,684 --> 00:07:15,187 It's nice to see you motivated about continuing your education. 102 00:07:15,288 --> 00:07:18,357 Randy, you could use those same catalogs. 103 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:20,725 Or I could call my travel agent. 104 00:07:22,828 --> 00:07:25,163 Still looking at these weird schools? 105 00:07:25,265 --> 00:07:28,566 Why don't you check into iwo jima community college? 106 00:07:31,371 --> 00:07:34,306 - I had a weird discussion with wilson. - What's new with him? 107 00:07:34,407 --> 00:07:37,242 He claims he had an encounter with space aliens. 108 00:07:37,377 --> 00:07:38,911 He saw these blue-green creatures 109 00:07:39,012 --> 00:07:42,948 When he stayed with his folks in a turkish town, cappuccino. 110 00:07:43,049 --> 00:07:48,220 Were they covered in foam and sprinkled with cinnamon? 111 00:07:48,088 --> 00:07:51,023 He said he had an encounter with extraterrestrials. 112 00:07:51,124 --> 00:07:55,226 Or he dipped into the festival wine a bit early. 113 00:07:55,327 --> 00:07:57,796 Well, I wouldn't dismiss him so quickly, guys. 114 00:07:57,897 --> 00:08:00,331 I mean, there has been lots of documentation 115 00:08:00,433 --> 00:08:02,634 About peoples' encounters with aliens. 116 00:08:02,735 --> 00:08:05,137 You think there's a real possibility? 117 00:08:05,238 --> 00:08:07,573 There's some really respected institutions 118 00:08:07,674 --> 00:08:10,909 That have entire departments devoted to paranormal studies. 119 00:08:11,010 --> 00:08:16,515 Ooh, yeah. The department of ooo-eee-ooo. 120 00:08:16,616 --> 00:08:18,684 With all the money spent on research, 121 00:08:18,785 --> 00:08:21,486 They don't have proof alien life exists. 122 00:08:21,587 --> 00:08:23,321 They don't have proof it doesn't. 123 00:08:23,422 --> 00:08:27,125 Well, I guess we know who are the sane members of this family. 124 00:08:27,226 --> 00:08:29,328 Don't lump me in with you. 125 00:08:31,897 --> 00:08:34,633 - Hey, guys. - Hey, timmy. 126 00:08:34,734 --> 00:08:37,836 Harry called me, said my saw blade was in. Where is harry? 127 00:08:37,937 --> 00:08:41,640 - He's home with a nasty bug. - What, a parasite? 128 00:08:41,741 --> 00:08:43,875 Close. Dolores. 129 00:08:45,178 --> 00:08:47,479 He's home with the flu. A reciprocating saw? 130 00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:50,182 - Yeah, it was. - I know where he put it. 131 00:08:50,283 --> 00:08:52,418 Hand me a cup, will you? 132 00:08:54,054 --> 00:08:56,455 Do you guys think that alien life exists? 133 00:08:56,556 --> 00:09:01,193 I hope so. That way I'd have a chance with another species. 134 00:09:01,294 --> 00:09:03,963 Yeah. I can see it now. 135 00:09:04,064 --> 00:09:09,501 You're gently holding her eight-fingered hand. 136 00:09:09,602 --> 00:09:13,272 While you stare into that one big eye. 137 00:09:13,373 --> 00:09:17,876 And try to figure out which set of lips to kiss. 138 00:09:17,978 --> 00:09:22,281 I know you're messing with me, but I'm still getting a little hot. 139 00:09:24,917 --> 00:09:28,286 I'm talking about extraterrestrials. 140 00:09:28,387 --> 00:09:30,889 Why would a guy need more than two? 141 00:09:36,462 --> 00:09:39,765 Here's your saw. What's so funny? 142 00:09:39,866 --> 00:09:42,568 Wilson claims he saw an extraterrestrial. 143 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,970 Where? His family reunion? 144 00:09:45,071 --> 00:09:48,073 Extraterrestrial. Like an alien, spaceships... 145 00:09:48,174 --> 00:09:50,542 [eerie whistle] 146 00:09:52,344 --> 00:09:55,047 - Well, hi-ho, fellas. - Hey. 147 00:09:55,147 --> 00:09:56,882 - Hey, wilson. - Not a word. 148 00:09:58,084 --> 00:10:00,886 You know, al, I need some one-half-inch carriage bolts. 149 00:10:00,987 --> 00:10:03,822 - They're right over here on aisle 21. - Mm-hm. 150 00:10:03,923 --> 00:10:08,226 Would those carriage bolts be for you or are you taking 'em to your leader? 151 00:10:09,295 --> 00:10:11,630 - My leader? - Yeah, you know... 152 00:10:11,731 --> 00:10:14,866 [makes alien bleeping noises] 153 00:10:16,069 --> 00:10:19,437 Did you tell them? I thought this was just between the two of us. 154 00:10:19,739 --> 00:10:22,708 It's just between the five of us. It'll go no further than that. 155 00:10:22,808 --> 00:10:27,012 - Did you tell jill and the boys? - All right, the nine of us. 156 00:10:27,113 --> 00:10:30,849 We're sorry, wilson. We didn't mean to alienate you. 157 00:10:32,284 --> 00:10:33,552 Marty, come on! 158 00:10:33,653 --> 00:10:36,455 I didn't come to this hardware store to be ridiculed. 159 00:10:36,556 --> 00:10:40,659 Try larry's hardware. Today's their "going out of orbit" sale. 160 00:10:40,826 --> 00:10:43,127 - Hey, guys! - Well, tim, thanks a lot. 161 00:10:43,228 --> 00:10:46,464 You have made me the laughingstock of the neighborhood. 162 00:10:46,565 --> 00:10:48,766 I only told nine people, wilson. Honest. 163 00:10:48,867 --> 00:10:50,535 - Here's your mail, al. - Thanks. 164 00:10:50,636 --> 00:10:52,137 - Hey, milton. - Hey, guys. 165 00:10:52,238 --> 00:10:53,805 Oh, wilson, something for you, too. 166 00:10:53,906 --> 00:10:57,942 A sweepstakes letter from ed mcmartian. 167 00:11:10,789 --> 00:11:15,927 Come on out, wilson, and talk to me. Come on. I know you're in there. 168 00:11:16,028 --> 00:11:19,998 At least come out and wave at my little spy cam, wilson. 169 00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:28,907 [man] you'll enjoy surfing, kayaking and volleyball 170 00:11:29,008 --> 00:11:31,577 On our beautiful white sugar sand beaches. 171 00:11:31,678 --> 00:11:35,313 Wow, that looks great. What is this, the leisure channel? 172 00:11:35,414 --> 00:11:39,885 No. It's a recruiting video from the university of maui. 173 00:11:40,052 --> 00:11:42,420 I don't think you're going to a college 174 00:11:42,521 --> 00:11:45,957 That's nicer than where I spent my honeymoon. 175 00:11:46,058 --> 00:11:47,826 Aren't you supposed to be studying? 176 00:11:47,927 --> 00:11:49,994 While you're overlooking the pacific, 177 00:11:50,095 --> 00:11:54,533 You could earn your phd in marine biology, art history or psychology. 178 00:11:54,634 --> 00:11:56,769 Hello! 179 00:12:01,674 --> 00:12:05,744 Well, now every time I try to talk to wilson, he just shoots me down. 180 00:12:05,845 --> 00:12:09,648 Wilson's not talking to you 'cause you really hurt his feelings. 181 00:12:09,749 --> 00:12:13,619 I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. It's just that alien stuff is so crazy. 182 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,655 You see? That's the attitude that he's reacting to. 183 00:12:16,756 --> 00:12:21,360 Whenever you don't understand something, you just make fun of it. 184 00:12:21,461 --> 00:12:24,529 I do that even when I understand things. 185 00:12:24,630 --> 00:12:26,698 You're gonna have to learn to pull back. 186 00:12:26,799 --> 00:12:30,936 When a thought enters your mind, it doesn't have to shoot out of your mouth. 187 00:12:31,037 --> 00:12:32,905 If I could change things, I would. 188 00:12:33,006 --> 00:12:36,008 Because all I've done now is alienate the one person 189 00:12:36,108 --> 00:12:39,044 Whose opinion really matters to me. 190 00:12:43,449 --> 00:12:46,785 - What about me? - What about you? 191 00:12:46,886 --> 00:12:50,955 If you want wilson to know that you care about what's important to him, 192 00:12:51,056 --> 00:12:53,358 You're gonna have to make a gesture. 193 00:12:53,459 --> 00:12:56,995 How about... "please!"? 194 00:12:57,096 --> 00:13:00,499 [chuckles] no. It works for me, but... 195 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:05,036 You should do some research on the stuff that wilson's been talking about. 196 00:13:05,137 --> 00:13:08,873 You'll be well-informed and it'll show that you take him seriously. 197 00:13:08,974 --> 00:13:13,912 I gotta have an intelligent conversation about stuff that doesn't exist. 198 00:13:14,013 --> 00:13:16,114 - Right. - Government cover-ups. 199 00:13:16,182 --> 00:13:19,751 Secret bases in the desert that no one knows what goes on there. 200 00:13:19,852 --> 00:13:22,353 And big crop circles. What's that all about? 201 00:13:22,454 --> 00:13:26,858 And big balloon-headed things that look like they ate too many almonds. 202 00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:29,260 Nighttime abductions, big bright lights, 203 00:13:29,362 --> 00:13:33,865 And ships that scream in and always get people with no teeth... 204 00:13:36,669 --> 00:13:38,703 Wow. Look at that girl. 205 00:13:38,804 --> 00:13:42,306 Better hope mom doesn't catch you looking at this magazine. 206 00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:46,845 No, this is a college catalog I got today. It's from tahiti tech. 207 00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:52,083 Man, they let a student walk around campus like that? 208 00:13:52,184 --> 00:13:54,318 She's the dean. 209 00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:57,555 - Ok. What do we do? - We're all booted up. 210 00:13:57,657 --> 00:14:00,324 Access the server, double-click on the browser icon, 211 00:14:00,425 --> 00:14:02,426 And we're surfing the net. 212 00:14:02,528 --> 00:14:05,864 Ok. 20 years ago no one would've understood that sentence, 213 00:14:05,965 --> 00:14:09,934 And today it's just me. 214 00:14:10,036 --> 00:14:13,905 - I start typing in the subject here? - Yeah. Try ufo. 215 00:14:14,006 --> 00:14:17,976 Good idea. Probably a few websites, huh? 216 00:14:22,148 --> 00:14:25,550 There's 103,000 websites. 217 00:14:25,651 --> 00:14:28,119 I guess wilson's not the only one seeing things. 218 00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:30,889 There's a lot of nut cases out there. 219 00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,224 See what they're saying in the chat room. 220 00:14:33,325 --> 00:14:36,394 A ufo chat room. I bet it's padded. 221 00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:46,037 Unbelievable. People all over the world have documented sightings like wilson's. 222 00:14:46,138 --> 00:14:50,241 Come on, dad. Don't tell me you're starting to take this stuff seriously. 223 00:14:51,477 --> 00:14:53,512 It's not easy to ignore, you know? 224 00:14:53,613 --> 00:14:55,580 There's even government documents 225 00:14:55,681 --> 00:14:58,216 That show strange phenomena they just can't refute. 226 00:14:58,317 --> 00:15:01,186 No, dad. Come on. Crop circles, roswell cover-up. 227 00:15:01,287 --> 00:15:05,990 And, you know, elvis is alive and running a laundromat in cleveland. 228 00:15:06,091 --> 00:15:10,628 Uh-uh. It's a doughnut shop in dayton. 229 00:15:12,097 --> 00:15:13,998 You know, I'm surprised at you. 230 00:15:14,099 --> 00:15:16,601 I mean, how can a sane, rational... 231 00:15:16,702 --> 00:15:18,736 Oh, never mind. 232 00:15:18,837 --> 00:15:22,574 I'm telling you, there's strange things out there we can't explain. 233 00:15:22,675 --> 00:15:24,876 [clanging] 234 00:15:29,081 --> 00:15:33,518 - Like what was that? - It's mark going to the bathroom. 235 00:15:33,619 --> 00:15:35,454 He goes the same time every night. 236 00:15:35,555 --> 00:15:37,722 Ok, ok. That explains the noise. 237 00:15:37,823 --> 00:15:42,394 But can you explain why a bladder that young is on such a rigid schedule? 238 00:15:51,837 --> 00:15:54,071 [snoring] 239 00:16:02,582 --> 00:16:04,749 I saw an alien craft... Craft... Craft... 240 00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:08,553 There's no proof aliens exist... Exist... Exist... 241 00:16:08,654 --> 00:16:12,356 Entire departments devoted to paranormal studies... Studies... 242 00:16:12,425 --> 00:16:15,760 The aliens were bluish-gray... Gray... Gray... 243 00:16:15,861 --> 00:16:19,331 Anyone for cappuccino... Cappuccino... Cappuccino...? 244 00:16:22,368 --> 00:16:26,471 - I found the file, jilly. - What have you come up with, taylor? 245 00:16:27,239 --> 00:16:29,674 According to my underground sources, 246 00:16:29,775 --> 00:16:33,611 This is the triangulated center of all alien activity 247 00:16:33,946 --> 00:16:35,947 In the western hemisphere. 248 00:16:36,048 --> 00:16:38,083 Easily explained by swamp gas, 249 00:16:38,184 --> 00:16:40,618 Weather balloons, mass delusional hysteria. 250 00:16:40,719 --> 00:16:43,555 Why do you respond with scientific mumbo-jumbo? 251 00:16:43,656 --> 00:16:48,026 Everything you say is pie-in-the-sky, paranormal saucer-head idiocy. 252 00:16:50,329 --> 00:16:52,463 The truth is out there. 253 00:16:52,564 --> 00:16:56,001 No. You're the one that's out there. 254 00:16:59,805 --> 00:17:02,107 - [clang] - oh! 255 00:17:06,045 --> 00:17:09,114 Hold up, jilly. I can't explain it, 256 00:17:09,215 --> 00:17:12,417 But I sense the presence of an alien. 257 00:17:12,518 --> 00:17:15,653 Taylor, have you noticed these aliens seem to eschew 258 00:17:15,754 --> 00:17:18,289 Well-lit, ventilated housing? 259 00:17:18,390 --> 00:17:20,325 They what? 260 00:17:20,426 --> 00:17:22,594 Eschew. 261 00:17:23,295 --> 00:17:25,062 Eschew. 262 00:17:25,164 --> 00:17:27,232 Gesundheit. 263 00:17:32,705 --> 00:17:37,175 - Right there. Right there. Right there. - What is it? 264 00:17:37,276 --> 00:17:39,578 The alien we've been looking for all our lives. 265 00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:42,480 How can we be sure it's not human? 266 00:17:42,582 --> 00:17:44,516 It's too small. 267 00:17:44,617 --> 00:17:49,954 Notice... The delicate, hairless features. 268 00:17:52,591 --> 00:17:54,592 Oh, my god! 269 00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:59,664 - [yells] - [yells] 270 00:18:00,599 --> 00:18:02,701 Put a shirt on! 271 00:18:05,204 --> 00:18:07,204 Hi, and welcome back to tool time. 272 00:18:07,306 --> 00:18:11,943 Professional roofer tony bruschetta is talking about harnessing and safety. 273 00:18:12,044 --> 00:18:14,479 Tony's gonna show us two different systems 274 00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:17,983 Which allow you to anchor yourself to the roof. 275 00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:23,121 There's actually a third system which allows al's mom 276 00:18:23,222 --> 00:18:26,391 To anchor herself to a frost-free frigidaire. 277 00:18:29,028 --> 00:18:31,763 Tony's family's been in the business for 65 years. 278 00:18:31,697 --> 00:18:34,332 You must've logged a lot of hours on the roof. 279 00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:38,169 Does it ever get lonely at the top? 280 00:18:38,270 --> 00:18:40,004 Well, you know, I can't complain. 281 00:18:40,105 --> 00:18:41,339 I've got a roof over my head. 282 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:45,276 - Uh-huh. - No, wait, it's under my feet! 283 00:18:46,945 --> 00:18:50,248 It's a 30-minute show, fellas. 284 00:18:50,349 --> 00:18:52,050 I'll do the jokes. 285 00:18:52,151 --> 00:18:55,586 Actually, you ever noticed anything odd in the sky? Unusual sights? 286 00:18:55,687 --> 00:18:57,856 Tim, not with the aliens again. 287 00:18:57,957 --> 00:19:00,258 Ufos, spaceships, that kind of stuff. 288 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:04,595 The audience wants to talk about roofs, not about people from outer space. 289 00:19:04,696 --> 00:19:06,498 You're awfully defensive about this. 290 00:19:06,765 --> 00:19:09,367 - There are no aliens. - How do you know? 291 00:19:09,468 --> 00:19:11,936 Hey, maybe he's hiding something. 292 00:19:12,037 --> 00:19:14,238 Maybe he's hiding the fact that he's an alien. 293 00:19:14,339 --> 00:19:18,276 I am not now nor have I ever been an alien! 294 00:19:18,377 --> 00:19:23,514 Oh, yeah? What do the first two letters of "alien" spell, al? 295 00:19:23,615 --> 00:19:25,617 Ooh... 296 00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:31,756 And your mother's quite large. Perhaps she's the mothership. 297 00:19:34,693 --> 00:19:37,495 [tim] what you got, wilson? Some rare amazonian plant 298 00:19:37,596 --> 00:19:40,398 You crossbred with, like, a north african variety? 299 00:19:40,499 --> 00:19:43,568 They're petunias. Good day, tim. 300 00:19:43,669 --> 00:19:46,771 I was wondering if maybe that spaceship you saw 301 00:19:46,872 --> 00:19:50,474 Is the same kind that the army found in roswell. 302 00:19:50,575 --> 00:19:52,811 What do you know of roswell? 303 00:19:52,912 --> 00:19:56,580 I know that a lot of people think a flying saucer crash-landed there. 304 00:19:56,681 --> 00:19:59,050 I also know about sheffield, England. 305 00:19:59,151 --> 00:20:01,619 In 1962 there was a spectacular sighting there. 306 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,355 - And in mexico city, 198... - '83. 307 00:20:04,456 --> 00:20:05,990 Yeah. 308 00:20:06,091 --> 00:20:08,225 With the difficult time you gave me, 309 00:20:08,326 --> 00:20:12,563 I'm surprised you're taking such an interest in unexplained phenomena. 310 00:20:12,664 --> 00:20:16,767 I figured if a real intelligent guy like you was interested in the stuff, 311 00:20:16,869 --> 00:20:20,238 Maybe I should learn more about it, so I went on the internet 312 00:20:20,339 --> 00:20:24,142 And I found out a lot of people have had experiences just like yours, 313 00:20:24,243 --> 00:20:28,146 And not just people with a shellac dependency. 314 00:20:28,580 --> 00:20:30,515 Well, that's true. 315 00:20:30,616 --> 00:20:33,217 I shouldn't have made fun of your beliefs. 316 00:20:33,318 --> 00:20:34,852 I appreciate you saying that. 317 00:20:34,954 --> 00:20:38,222 Maybe you could relay that to the guys at the hardware store. 318 00:20:38,323 --> 00:20:41,058 Oh, I'll do that. I'll tell all the guys down there 319 00:20:41,159 --> 00:20:44,295 And the mailman and the guy at the gas company. 320 00:20:47,366 --> 00:20:50,568 So, with all your newfound knowledge, are you a believer? 321 00:20:50,669 --> 00:20:54,538 I wouldn't say that. I'm just open to more possibilities now. 322 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,974 And I'm having some really strange dreams. 323 00:20:57,076 --> 00:21:00,879 About government conspiracies, fbi agents in trench coats, 324 00:21:00,980 --> 00:21:03,915 That you are out there? 325 00:21:04,016 --> 00:21:06,484 You know about my dream? 326 00:21:06,585 --> 00:21:10,821 Are we having some sort of mind-melding kumbayatic experience? 327 00:21:10,922 --> 00:21:14,392 No. Jill told me. 328 00:21:16,395 --> 00:21:17,929 I didn't tell her. 329 00:21:27,273 --> 00:21:30,174 You said you think jordan's an alien? 330 00:21:30,275 --> 00:21:33,345 How else could he jump that high? 331 00:21:33,446 --> 00:21:36,481 - Shaquille? - You call that an earth name? 332 00:21:38,417 --> 00:21:41,052 - All right. Dennis rodman? - [sighs] 333 00:21:41,153 --> 00:21:44,422 I'll give you that one. 334 00:21:44,523 --> 00:21:47,358 Look, tim, these guys don't know I'm onto them, 335 00:21:47,459 --> 00:21:50,594 So I'd appreciate it if you don't say anything. 336 00:21:50,695 --> 00:21:55,132 All right. All right. All right. How do I know you're not an alien? 337 00:21:56,735 --> 00:21:59,437 I never said I wasn't. 338 00:22:00,572 --> 00:22:03,674 But you're working, so you must have a green card. 339 00:22:04,876 --> 00:22:07,144 More bluish-gray.