1
00:00:02,255 --> 00:00:05,658
Well, today
we kick off the tool time
lyric-writing contest.
2
00:00:05,725 --> 00:00:08,393
For years our theme song
has had no words.
3
00:00:08,462 --> 00:00:09,795
Klaus?
4
00:00:09,863 --> 00:00:11,564
(theme music playing)
5
00:00:13,366 --> 00:00:16,569
Hey? And a theme song
without lyrics is like...
6
00:00:16,636 --> 00:00:20,272
Well, it's like al's mom
without a 5:00 shadow.
7
00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:26,211
As I was saying,
8
00:00:26,279 --> 00:00:28,614
Detroit's finest
songwriters
9
00:00:28,682 --> 00:00:32,384
Are vying to
have their lyrics
be the crown jewel
10
00:00:32,452 --> 00:00:35,220
In the dazzling
tool time theme!
11
00:00:35,288 --> 00:00:38,557
You heard it right.
There's no money involved.
12
00:00:38,625 --> 00:00:41,660
Heidi, tell them
how the contest works.
13
00:00:41,728 --> 00:00:45,231
Well, our contestant begins
to sing and the moment
we don't like what we hear...
14
00:00:45,299 --> 00:00:46,532
Flonko!
15
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,834
(gong rings)
16
00:00:48,902 --> 00:00:50,636
Well, let's bring out
our first contestant.
17
00:00:50,704 --> 00:00:54,607
He is a carpet installer,
wade waller.
18
00:00:54,675 --> 00:00:56,141
(all cheering)
19
00:01:02,115 --> 00:01:03,515
Thank you.
20
00:01:03,583 --> 00:01:04,917
All right.
21
00:01:04,985 --> 00:01:06,752
All right, waller,
let's hear you holler.
22
00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:08,120
(wade clears throat)
23
00:01:08,822 --> 00:01:10,056
One, two, three.
24
00:01:10,123 --> 00:01:12,491
♪ here's a song
about tool time
25
00:01:12,559 --> 00:01:13,659
♪ it's here now
26
00:01:13,727 --> 00:01:15,828
♪ here's a song
about tool time
27
00:01:15,896 --> 00:01:16,929
♪ and here it is
28
00:01:17,197 --> 00:01:19,264
♪ here's a song
about tool time
29
00:01:19,332 --> 00:01:20,533
♪ here's a song
30
00:01:20,601 --> 00:01:24,336
♪ here is the tool time song ♪
31
00:01:24,404 --> 00:01:27,807
And here's a tool time gong.
32
00:01:27,874 --> 00:01:30,709
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's give a warm hello to
33
00:01:30,777 --> 00:01:32,812
The flannels!
34
00:01:39,185 --> 00:01:42,521
Now there's
a good-looking bunch.
35
00:01:42,589 --> 00:01:46,158
Yeah,
if you're a single woman
at a scottish mixer, huh?
36
00:01:46,226 --> 00:01:47,726
Where are your
instruments, guys?
37
00:01:47,794 --> 00:01:50,963
Oh, we don't have any.
We'll be singing al cappella.
38
00:01:51,031 --> 00:01:52,731
One, two and one.
39
00:01:52,799 --> 00:01:56,068
(humming)
40
00:01:56,136 --> 00:01:58,537
♪ everyone get
set for tool time
41
00:01:58,605 --> 00:02:00,138
♪ wrenches
42
00:02:00,206 --> 00:02:02,208
♪ everyone get set
for tool time
43
00:02:02,275 --> 00:02:03,342
♪ ratchets
44
00:02:03,410 --> 00:02:08,614
♪ circular, circular,
circular, circular
45
00:02:08,682 --> 00:02:15,154
♪ saws! ♪
46
00:02:16,289 --> 00:02:18,557
(all applauding)
47
00:02:20,861 --> 00:02:22,828
All right!
48
00:02:24,731 --> 00:02:27,666
Well, they are great!
49
00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:29,435
Well, and
congratulations, guys.
50
00:02:29,502 --> 00:02:31,604
You made it into
the semi-finals.
51
00:02:31,672 --> 00:02:33,505
♪ semi-finals! ♪
52
00:02:33,573 --> 00:02:35,241
Yeah!
53
00:02:35,308 --> 00:02:37,076
You're great.
54
00:02:37,144 --> 00:02:39,845
♪ really great! ♪
55
00:02:40,614 --> 00:02:41,747
See you next time.
56
00:02:41,848 --> 00:02:45,550
♪ see us next time! ♪
57
00:02:45,618 --> 00:02:46,752
You're pushing it.
58
00:02:46,819 --> 00:02:49,188
♪ we're pushing it! ♪
59
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:51,190
Our next contestants
are a rap group,
60
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,758
And they are big
fans of the show.
61
00:02:52,826 --> 00:02:54,526
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome
62
00:02:54,594 --> 00:02:58,230
L.L. Tool j and
grand master bath!
63
00:02:58,298 --> 00:03:00,432
(rap music playing)
64
00:03:02,568 --> 00:03:03,902
What's up?
65
00:03:03,970 --> 00:03:06,172
♪ yo, tim's in the house
♪ rock the house
66
00:03:06,239 --> 00:03:08,440
♪ yo, tim's in the house
♪ rock the house
67
00:03:08,508 --> 00:03:10,542
♪ I say tim's in the house
♪ rock the house
68
00:03:10,610 --> 00:03:11,777
♪ you say tim's in the house?
69
00:03:11,845 --> 00:03:13,245
♪ wreck the house
70
00:03:13,313 --> 00:03:15,247
♪ if you got a nice place
♪ and you want it kept
71
00:03:15,315 --> 00:03:17,416
♪ then ban mr. Tim
♪ because he's inept
72
00:03:17,483 --> 00:03:18,650
♪ he'll blow off your roof
73
00:03:18,718 --> 00:03:19,885
♪ and destroy your kitchen
74
00:03:19,953 --> 00:03:21,053
♪ and next thing you know
75
00:03:21,121 --> 00:03:22,354
♪ your girlfriend's bitchin'
76
00:03:22,422 --> 00:03:23,689
♪ 'cause tim is in the house
77
00:03:23,757 --> 00:03:25,291
♪ wreck the house ♪
78
00:03:25,359 --> 00:03:26,859
Yo, what's up with that?
79
00:03:26,927 --> 00:03:29,295
You dissed the boss.
That means you lost.
80
00:04:20,413 --> 00:04:21,814
(sighs)
81
00:04:21,881 --> 00:04:25,651
Now it's only 16 hours,
37 minutes, and 45 seconds
82
00:04:25,719 --> 00:04:27,519
Until you leave
for costa rica.
83
00:04:28,822 --> 00:04:30,923
Forty-four seconds.
84
00:04:30,991 --> 00:04:34,493
Randy,
maybe we shouldn't spend
our last moments together
85
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,329
Counting our last
moments together.
86
00:04:37,396 --> 00:04:39,197
You're right.
87
00:04:44,938 --> 00:04:46,939
I just can't believe
you're gonna be
there for a whole year
88
00:04:47,007 --> 00:04:48,540
And I'm not
going with you.
89
00:04:48,608 --> 00:04:51,409
I know.
You know, when we both
applied for this thing,
90
00:04:51,477 --> 00:04:55,014
I always pictured the two
of us working together in
the rainforest.
91
00:04:55,081 --> 00:04:57,883
You know, we'd spend
our mornings protecting
endangered species...
92
00:04:57,951 --> 00:05:01,586
And our afternoons
collecting dung samples.
93
00:05:05,925 --> 00:05:07,626
Look, it'll only be a year.
94
00:05:07,694 --> 00:05:09,028
I'll be back here
before you know it.
95
00:05:09,095 --> 00:05:10,362
I know. I know.
96
00:05:12,498 --> 00:05:15,300
I'm just really
gonna miss you.
97
00:05:15,368 --> 00:05:17,502
I'm gonna miss you, too.
98
00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:20,539
Randy, while I'm gone,
would you just promise
me one little thing?
99
00:05:20,606 --> 00:05:22,607
Don't worry about it.
100
00:05:22,676 --> 00:05:24,143
I won't look at
any other girls,
101
00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:26,011
Except for maybe
tiffany tucker,
102
00:05:26,079 --> 00:05:29,581
Who's got that
nice mole on her lip
shaped like idaho.
103
00:05:35,989 --> 00:05:39,324
Must be so hard
saying good-bye
for a whole year.
104
00:05:39,392 --> 00:05:42,961
Looks like that kiss is
gonna last a whole year.
105
00:05:43,029 --> 00:05:44,763
I hate to admit it.
106
00:05:44,831 --> 00:05:47,933
I am so glad
that he didn't get
into that program.
107
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:51,136
I'd hate to have my child
living in a jungle in
central america.
108
00:05:51,204 --> 00:05:53,238
I think it will be a great
experience for lauren.
109
00:05:53,306 --> 00:05:55,440
She gets to
frolic in the sun,
pick some coffee,
110
00:05:55,508 --> 00:05:59,044
Come back home
with a nice tan,
and really wide awake.
111
00:06:02,749 --> 00:06:06,018
Well, that's it.
Lauren's on her way.
112
00:06:06,086 --> 00:06:07,386
How are you?
113
00:06:07,453 --> 00:06:09,221
I'm all right.
A little sad.
114
00:06:09,288 --> 00:06:11,924
Hey, of course you're sad.
115
00:06:11,991 --> 00:06:15,160
What you need is
something to take your
mind off this, okay?
116
00:06:15,228 --> 00:06:17,029
You know, when I have
young girlfriends
117
00:06:17,096 --> 00:06:19,397
That leave me
for the jungle...
118
00:06:21,201 --> 00:06:23,001
When something
bad happens to me,
119
00:06:23,069 --> 00:06:25,170
I go to the garage
and work on cars.
120
00:06:25,238 --> 00:06:29,308
When anything
happens to you, you go to
the garage and work on cars.
121
00:06:29,375 --> 00:06:32,111
You know what's weird
is that it was my idea
to apply to the program
122
00:06:32,178 --> 00:06:33,579
In the first place.
123
00:06:33,646 --> 00:06:35,780
Now she's going
and I'm not.
124
00:06:35,848 --> 00:06:39,351
Things happen for a reason.
I mean, maybe lauren was
just meant to go.
125
00:06:39,419 --> 00:06:43,288
Yeah. You know how
the world works.
126
00:06:43,356 --> 00:06:45,223
They always
favor the woman.
127
00:06:48,561 --> 00:06:50,229
What are you doing?
128
00:06:50,296 --> 00:06:52,297
I'm putting
a scrapbook together
for lauren.
129
00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:56,001
Each item represents
some special moment
in our relationship.
130
00:06:56,069 --> 00:06:57,269
Pasta?
131
00:06:58,405 --> 00:07:01,540
Yeah. That's from
our first date together.
132
00:07:01,607 --> 00:07:04,543
Good thing you
didn't have fish.
133
00:07:04,610 --> 00:07:07,045
Yeah. I'm gonna send this
to lauren down in costa rica
134
00:07:07,113 --> 00:07:09,581
So she'll have something
that reminds her of me.
135
00:07:09,649 --> 00:07:11,650
Yeah, I think that's
really nice of you, randy.
136
00:07:11,718 --> 00:07:14,486
Here. You should put
that in there, too, man.
137
00:07:14,554 --> 00:07:16,254
What's the significance
of this?
138
00:07:16,322 --> 00:07:19,858
Nothing. I just didn't feel
like walking to the trash.
139
00:07:19,926 --> 00:07:22,628
(phone ringing)
140
00:07:24,563 --> 00:07:25,697
Hello?
141
00:07:25,765 --> 00:07:28,666
Yeah, this is randy taylor.
142
00:07:28,734 --> 00:07:30,535
You're kidding!
143
00:07:30,603 --> 00:07:32,704
Oh, this is amazing!
144
00:07:32,772 --> 00:07:34,172
When?
145
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,543
This is great! I'll tell
my parents right away.
Thank you so much.
146
00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:39,678
Okay, bye.
147
00:07:39,745 --> 00:07:42,715
This is great. Lauren and I
are gonna be back together.
148
00:07:42,782 --> 00:07:45,317
What? They kick her out
of the program already?
149
00:07:45,385 --> 00:07:47,452
I get to go to costa rica!
150
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,087
What?
151
00:07:49,155 --> 00:07:52,224
Yeah, some guy dropped out
of the program and they're
giving me his spot.
152
00:07:52,291 --> 00:07:54,959
What? They expect
you to just pick up
and go just like that?
153
00:07:55,027 --> 00:07:56,962
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna be
living with a family
154
00:07:57,030 --> 00:07:59,764
In san ramon,
which is only 20 miles
from where lauren lives.
155
00:07:59,832 --> 00:08:01,033
I leave on Saturday.
156
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:02,534
You can't leave Saturday!
157
00:08:02,601 --> 00:08:04,869
Well, why not?
Well, because...
Because it's...
158
00:08:04,938 --> 00:08:06,972
It's the day before
the day of rest.
159
00:08:10,710 --> 00:08:12,443
Don't you need some time
to get stuff together?
160
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:13,712
Yeah. You have
to get clothes.
161
00:08:13,780 --> 00:08:15,214
You have to get
all those shots.
162
00:08:15,281 --> 00:08:18,884
Translate your records
into costa rican.
163
00:08:18,952 --> 00:08:23,121
Guys, I know it's kind
of a rush, but I can do this.
164
00:08:23,189 --> 00:08:24,657
You're sure
you're okay with it?
165
00:08:24,724 --> 00:08:26,425
Yeah. It's all
the bananas you can eat.
166
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:27,493
Yeah!
167
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:28,860
We're great.
Tim: Yeah.
168
00:08:28,928 --> 00:08:30,061
No, we're really...
Excited.
169
00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:31,396
We're happy
for you, honey.
Okay, cool.
170
00:08:31,464 --> 00:08:32,498
Great.
I'm gonna go pack.
171
00:08:32,565 --> 00:08:33,999
We're really happy.
Yeah.
172
00:08:34,066 --> 00:08:35,967
Really.
173
00:08:36,035 --> 00:08:38,403
I'm gonna be
sick to my stomach.
174
00:08:38,471 --> 00:08:40,038
My child is going
2,000 miles away.
175
00:08:40,106 --> 00:08:41,906
I'm not gonna see him
for a whole year?
176
00:08:41,974 --> 00:08:43,708
Why is it that we
agreed to this thing
to begin with?
177
00:08:43,776 --> 00:08:45,910
Because six months ago
there were
hundreds of applicants.
178
00:08:45,978 --> 00:08:47,713
I mean,
now they've picked him.
I can't believe it!
179
00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:51,083
Look, if you don't want
him to go, let's just
tell him he can't go.
180
00:08:51,151 --> 00:08:53,185
We can't do that.
He'd hate us.
181
00:08:53,252 --> 00:08:55,354
He's a teenager.
He's supposed to hate us.
182
00:08:57,056 --> 00:08:58,957
No.
Why? What?
183
00:08:59,025 --> 00:09:00,559
We have to let him go.
We have to.
184
00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:01,760
His girlfriend's
gonna be there.
185
00:09:01,827 --> 00:09:03,595
They're both really
committed to the cause.
186
00:09:03,663 --> 00:09:05,030
I mean, he's got
his heart set on it.
187
00:09:05,097 --> 00:09:07,065
So?
188
00:09:07,133 --> 00:09:08,400
When he was eight years old,
he had his heart
set on that pony.
189
00:09:08,468 --> 00:09:10,135
He never got that.
Yeah, well,
190
00:09:10,203 --> 00:09:13,938
Maybe if we'd given him
the pony, he wouldn't be
going to costa rica.
191
00:09:14,006 --> 00:09:17,609
I still know
that pony guy.
192
00:09:17,677 --> 00:09:19,878
I'll cut a deal
with the guy.
193
00:09:19,945 --> 00:09:22,648
Oh, it's probably a horse
by now, wouldn't it be,
'cause it's...
194
00:09:24,551 --> 00:09:29,621
Poncho,
insect repellent, compass,
hiking boots.
195
00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:32,023
What am I forgetting?
196
00:09:32,091 --> 00:09:34,793
You got underwear?
197
00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:38,897
Of course I have underwear.
What do you think I am?
An idiot?
198
00:09:38,964 --> 00:09:42,000
Okay, I'm an idiot.
199
00:09:42,068 --> 00:09:45,404
So I bet you're looking
forward to being down there
with lauren alone, huh?
200
00:09:45,505 --> 00:09:47,773
Brad, it's not
gonna be like that.
201
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,976
Lauren's chaperone is 6'2",
250 pounds,
202
00:09:51,043 --> 00:09:55,013
And she is very strict.
203
00:09:54,848 --> 00:09:58,150
Well, I think it's really cool
you're going down there to
save the environment.
204
00:09:58,217 --> 00:10:01,653
You don't think I'm crazy
for doing this, do you?
205
00:10:01,721 --> 00:10:04,389
No, no. I don't
think you're crazy.
206
00:10:04,457 --> 00:10:06,825
I mean, I think it's
gonna be kind of weird.
207
00:10:06,893 --> 00:10:08,460
'cause I figure that
by the time you get back,
208
00:10:08,527 --> 00:10:11,129
I'll probably be
headed off for college,
you know?
209
00:10:11,197 --> 00:10:14,399
So this year would've
been our last chance
to hang out together.
210
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:17,402
Yeah. We could've done
some major partying.
211
00:10:17,137 --> 00:10:19,705
Well, I'm not really
the party guy, but...
212
00:10:19,772 --> 00:10:23,842
Well, I guess we could've
tortured mark together.
213
00:10:23,910 --> 00:10:26,878
Yup. I am definitely
gonna miss that.
214
00:10:26,946 --> 00:10:28,446
Of course, you know,
if you want,
215
00:10:28,514 --> 00:10:32,684
I can score you some
costa rican itching powder.
216
00:10:32,752 --> 00:10:37,989
And if you do,
I promise to send you
the pictures of mark's rash.
217
00:10:38,057 --> 00:10:39,891
Hey, men.
What are you guys
talking about?
218
00:10:39,959 --> 00:10:43,128
We're actually
just talking about
costa rican itching powder.
219
00:10:43,196 --> 00:10:45,463
Hey, don't get me started,
all right?
220
00:10:45,531 --> 00:10:46,965
Years ago when you
wanted a good itch,
221
00:10:47,033 --> 00:10:50,435
You bought american,
all right? Yeah.
222
00:10:50,502 --> 00:10:54,305
We used to be
proud of this country's
novelty products in my day.
223
00:10:54,373 --> 00:10:55,807
All right.
I'm gonna go write
to my congressman.
224
00:10:55,875 --> 00:10:57,642
Good work.
225
00:10:57,710 --> 00:10:59,644
While you're at it,
why don't you tell
him about the influx
226
00:10:59,712 --> 00:11:02,013
Of that fake
vomit from japan?
227
00:11:02,081 --> 00:11:04,616
All the bean
sprouts in there.
What's that all about?
228
00:11:09,555 --> 00:11:13,692
Now I know where I got
my global consciousness.
229
00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:15,593
Freakin' right, man.
230
00:11:17,896 --> 00:11:19,697
Need any help packing?
No.
231
00:11:19,765 --> 00:11:22,267
I think I got everything.
Oh, rain pants.
232
00:11:22,335 --> 00:11:25,436
I need rain pants. You think
mom could pick me up a pair?
233
00:11:25,572 --> 00:11:29,407
I think your mom would stitch
them herself and drive them
down there for you.
234
00:11:29,475 --> 00:11:30,342
What do you mean?
235
00:11:30,409 --> 00:11:31,943
Well, you know,
236
00:11:32,011 --> 00:11:34,179
She's having a little
trouble at the thought
of you leaving.
237
00:11:34,247 --> 00:11:35,513
She didn't say
anything about it.
238
00:11:35,581 --> 00:11:37,282
I don't think she will.
She won't say
anything about it.
239
00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:39,384
But, you know,
she's pretty
worried about you
240
00:11:39,451 --> 00:11:41,452
Living halfway
around the world.
241
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,088
Dad, it's no big deal.
242
00:11:43,155 --> 00:11:45,723
It's like I'm going
to sleep-away camp
for a year.
243
00:11:45,791 --> 00:11:47,558
Except this camp,
instead of arts and crafts,
244
00:11:47,626 --> 00:11:50,996
You've got tarantulas
and man-eating fish.
245
00:11:51,063 --> 00:11:55,166
Not to mention
the constant threat
of a peasant uprising.
246
00:11:55,234 --> 00:11:58,637
Dad, costa rica is
the most stable country
in central america.
247
00:11:58,705 --> 00:12:02,474
Oh, yeah.
That's what they said
about nicaragua.
248
00:12:02,542 --> 00:12:05,610
Now the people down
there are deprived of
the most basic freedoms.
249
00:12:05,678 --> 00:12:09,514
You can't buy
a chevy big block
down there! You know that?
250
00:12:10,983 --> 00:12:13,318
And this bothers
mom how?
251
00:12:15,121 --> 00:12:17,055
I'm just saying
that she's worried,
you know?
252
00:12:17,123 --> 00:12:19,057
I just wanted
you to know that.
253
00:12:19,125 --> 00:12:21,793
Just the thought of you
moving so far away is
eating her up inside.
254
00:12:21,861 --> 00:12:23,762
If mom was so
worried about this,
255
00:12:23,829 --> 00:12:25,430
Why did she let me
apply to the program
in the first place?
256
00:12:25,498 --> 00:12:27,065
If she knew
she was gonna
be this worried,
257
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:28,767
I don't think she would've
let you apply to the program.
258
00:12:28,834 --> 00:12:31,470
Why are you telling
me this now, dad?
I leave tomorrow.
259
00:12:31,538 --> 00:12:33,205
I just thought it
might be interesting
260
00:12:33,273 --> 00:12:35,374
To find out how your
mom feels about it,
that's all.
261
00:12:35,441 --> 00:12:38,577
Great. So either miss
out on the opportunity
of a lifetime
262
00:12:38,645 --> 00:12:41,813
Or turn my mom
into a basket case?
263
00:12:41,881 --> 00:12:43,748
So you've got options.
264
00:12:47,554 --> 00:12:48,787
Tah-dah!
265
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:52,057
I went to camping stores.
266
00:12:52,124 --> 00:12:54,293
The totally
mosquito-proof hat.
What do you think?
267
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,661
Mosquito-proof hat.
Great.
268
00:12:55,728 --> 00:12:58,497
I'll be the only kid
in detroit wearing one.
269
00:12:58,565 --> 00:12:59,731
What's that
supposed to mean?
270
00:12:59,799 --> 00:13:02,601
You got your wish.
I'm not going to costa rica.
271
00:13:02,669 --> 00:13:03,835
Why? Why not?
272
00:13:03,903 --> 00:13:05,737
Why don't you ask
your middleman?
273
00:13:08,241 --> 00:13:10,108
What just happened here?
274
00:13:10,176 --> 00:13:12,177
It's okay. It's okay.
He'll calm down.
275
00:13:12,245 --> 00:13:13,945
Good news is our
son is now buying
276
00:13:14,013 --> 00:13:16,648
His itching powder
right in the us of a.
277
00:13:20,686 --> 00:13:22,187
Let me get this straight.
278
00:13:22,254 --> 00:13:24,555
Randy is not going
to costa rica because
279
00:13:24,623 --> 00:13:28,759
You told him
that I was worried
about spiders and fish.
280
00:13:30,829 --> 00:13:32,830
And that you were
worried about him
being so far away.
281
00:13:32,898 --> 00:13:35,233
I covered all the bases.
You don't need to thank me.
282
00:13:35,301 --> 00:13:36,601
Thank you.
283
00:13:36,668 --> 00:13:37,769
Well, you're welcome.
284
00:13:39,272 --> 00:13:40,905
Tim, I am worried
about him going,
285
00:13:40,974 --> 00:13:43,041
But I told you I wasn't
gonna stop him!
286
00:13:43,109 --> 00:13:45,110
That's why I stopped
him for you.
287
00:13:45,177 --> 00:13:48,580
Look, it doesn't
matter who stopped him.
The point is he's not going.
288
00:13:48,647 --> 00:13:52,050
So he's gonna miss
this incredible adventure
289
00:13:52,118 --> 00:13:55,253
And spend the rest
of his life blaming me.
290
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,956
You know,
I thought you'd be happy
that I fixed things.
291
00:13:58,024 --> 00:14:00,491
Tim, this isn't a leaky faucet
or a broken carburetor.
292
00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:03,194
This is my relationship
with my son!
293
00:14:03,262 --> 00:14:05,596
I did not ask you to fix it!
294
00:14:05,431 --> 00:14:07,966
Not literally.
295
00:14:08,034 --> 00:14:12,237
But you were sending
some very strong
subliminal messages.
296
00:14:12,305 --> 00:14:14,006
Really? Well...
Yes! Yes!
297
00:14:14,073 --> 00:14:18,710
Okay, so can you pick up
on this message that I'm
sending you right now?
298
00:14:23,316 --> 00:14:26,385
That is not
physically possible.
299
00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:29,854
Hey, wilson.
300
00:14:29,922 --> 00:14:31,823
Hidey ho,
good neighbor.
301
00:14:31,891 --> 00:14:33,191
What's all the smoke?
302
00:14:33,259 --> 00:14:34,893
I'm roasting joe.
303
00:14:38,431 --> 00:14:40,865
Well, I don't
hear any screams.
304
00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:43,302
He's obviously
taking it like a man.
305
00:14:43,369 --> 00:14:44,736
(wilson chuckling)
306
00:14:44,804 --> 00:14:47,272
No, in honor of randy
going to costa rica,
307
00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:49,407
I'm roasting coffee beans.
308
00:14:49,475 --> 00:14:50,942
Randy's not going.
309
00:14:51,009 --> 00:14:52,644
Why not?
310
00:14:52,711 --> 00:14:55,413
Because I told him
jill didn't want him to go.
311
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,648
So the trip is off
just like that?
312
00:14:57,650 --> 00:14:59,417
Jill must be very upset
about him going.
313
00:14:59,484 --> 00:15:01,152
The only reason
I told him that
314
00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:03,054
Was because jill was worried
about his health and safety.
315
00:15:03,122 --> 00:15:04,789
I mean, he's not gonna be
home for thanksgiving.
316
00:15:04,857 --> 00:15:05,957
We won't see him
at christmas.
317
00:15:06,025 --> 00:15:07,558
He won't be here
when I finish the hot rod.
318
00:15:07,626 --> 00:15:10,328
Oh. Uh-huh.
319
00:15:10,395 --> 00:15:12,230
He's gonna
celebrate a birthday
down there, you know.
320
00:15:12,298 --> 00:15:13,865
If we want party pictures,
you know,
321
00:15:13,933 --> 00:15:17,869
I'll have to pick up a copy
of national geographic.
322
00:15:17,937 --> 00:15:19,804
Well, I'm still
back at "ah."
323
00:15:20,073 --> 00:15:20,805
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
324
00:15:20,873 --> 00:15:22,107
Huh?
325
00:15:24,143 --> 00:15:25,977
Tim, have you ever
heard of a play...
326
00:15:26,045 --> 00:15:27,478
No, no, no.
327
00:15:27,546 --> 00:15:30,415
No plays, no ballets,
no chamber music.
None of that.
328
00:15:30,482 --> 00:15:32,184
Just give it
to me straight.
329
00:15:32,118 --> 00:15:35,854
I'm talking about
the shakespearean
comedy as you like it.
330
00:15:35,921 --> 00:15:37,756
Now in this play,
the young rosalind
331
00:15:37,823 --> 00:15:41,359
Is uncomfortable
expressing her feelings
for the nobleman orlando.
332
00:15:41,426 --> 00:15:43,828
The only way she can
speak her mind
333
00:15:43,896 --> 00:15:48,299
Is by dressing up as a man,
the shepherd ganymede.
334
00:15:51,403 --> 00:15:56,708
Okay. What does
a cross-dressing sheep
lover have to do with me?
335
00:15:56,776 --> 00:16:00,378
Well, I suspect,
just as rosalind
masqueraded as ganymede,
336
00:16:00,446 --> 00:16:04,015
Perhaps you were
masquerading as jill.
337
00:16:08,087 --> 00:16:09,987
Once I tried on a pump.
338
00:16:12,191 --> 00:16:14,992
It was Halloween,
for god's sake!
339
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:17,462
No, I'm talking
about masquerading
your feelings.
340
00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:21,466
I mean, is jill really
the one who will miss sharing
the hot rod with randy?
341
00:16:21,534 --> 00:16:23,868
Of course. She's the one...
342
00:16:26,705 --> 00:16:29,907
Are you suggesting
I stopped him from going
because of my feelings?
343
00:16:29,975 --> 00:16:33,344
Well, that answer
can only come from
the masquerader.
344
00:16:35,247 --> 00:16:36,981
All right, all right.
345
00:16:37,049 --> 00:16:39,584
I tried on the pantyhose,
too.
346
00:16:42,588 --> 00:16:44,622
Hi.
347
00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:46,224
Hi.
348
00:16:46,292 --> 00:16:47,359
Is randy back yet?
349
00:16:47,427 --> 00:16:49,193
No, he's not.
350
00:16:49,261 --> 00:16:50,928
When he gets back,
351
00:16:50,997 --> 00:16:54,499
I'm going to tell him
that I'm okay with him
going to costa rica.
352
00:16:54,566 --> 00:16:58,136
And you might also tell him
that it was me that had
the problem with it.
353
00:16:58,204 --> 00:17:00,538
I don't want him
leaving for a year.
354
00:17:00,606 --> 00:17:04,543
You were projecting your
feelings on me because
you're in denial about him.
355
00:17:04,343 --> 00:17:06,444
You have all these emotions
you want to express to him.
356
00:17:06,512 --> 00:17:08,246
You just don't know
how to do it.
357
00:17:08,313 --> 00:17:10,982
Yeah, and if you
could just tell him that,
you know, I'd call us even.
358
00:17:11,049 --> 00:17:13,752
Not gonna happen.
You have to do this.
359
00:17:14,754 --> 00:17:16,855
Randy, guess what?
Good news.
360
00:17:16,923 --> 00:17:20,224
Here are your rain pants.
You are going to costa rica.
361
00:17:20,292 --> 00:17:22,060
What? What's changed?
362
00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:23,929
Talk to the middleman.
363
00:17:26,666 --> 00:17:27,899
I don't get it.
364
00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:30,902
Well, it's complicated.
365
00:17:30,970 --> 00:17:33,604
Geez. Here.
Would you slice this for me?
366
00:17:38,010 --> 00:17:40,678
Do you remember
your first solid food?
367
00:17:40,746 --> 00:17:42,714
I was seven months old.
368
00:17:42,781 --> 00:17:45,249
So you do remember.
369
00:17:45,317 --> 00:17:47,652
Your mom tried
to get you to eat
that wimpy rice cereal,
370
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,421
But I gave you
a bratwurst.
371
00:17:50,489 --> 00:17:53,057
No wonder I became
a vegetarian.
372
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:55,359
So why am I going
to costa rica again?
373
00:17:55,461 --> 00:17:56,961
It's complicated.
374
00:17:59,198 --> 00:18:01,566
How did you become
16 already?
375
00:18:01,634 --> 00:18:04,402
Well, I woke up one morning,
I was 15, and thought,
376
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:07,004
"what the heck!
Let's keep on going."
377
00:18:07,073 --> 00:18:08,773
So back to
the costa rica thing.
378
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,943
Damn it,
I'm gonna miss you.
379
00:18:12,011 --> 00:18:16,080
So you're the one who had
the problem with me leaving?
380
00:18:16,148 --> 00:18:19,751
The longest I've ever
been away from you
has been a week.
381
00:18:19,819 --> 00:18:23,387
Yeah. And I visited
you in the hospital
every single day.
382
00:18:26,124 --> 00:18:29,360
I'm just not comfortable
about you leaving like this,
you know? We...
383
00:18:29,428 --> 00:18:32,797
We haven't gotten a chance
to do half the stuff I've
talked about doing with you.
384
00:18:32,865 --> 00:18:34,799
Like what?
385
00:18:34,867 --> 00:18:37,635
We never souped anything up,
even a bicycle.
386
00:18:37,703 --> 00:18:39,337
Come on, dad.
Don't you remember?
387
00:18:39,404 --> 00:18:42,974
I was the first
six-year-old ever to be
pulled over for speeding?
388
00:18:43,041 --> 00:18:45,510
If you'd just ducked
into that alley, that cop
would've never seen you.
389
00:18:45,578 --> 00:18:46,945
I know.
390
00:18:49,615 --> 00:18:51,549
You never talked
about girls.
391
00:18:51,617 --> 00:18:54,552
Well, I'm not
leaving until Saturday.
What do you want to know?
392
00:18:57,890 --> 00:19:01,292
I laugh with you.
Boy, I'm sure gonna
miss you.
393
00:19:02,528 --> 00:19:04,929
Dad, I'm only
gonna be gone a year.
394
00:19:04,997 --> 00:19:09,467
Yeah. Yeah.
You can call, you know?
395
00:19:09,535 --> 00:19:10,868
You know, and then when
you get back we can go
396
00:19:10,936 --> 00:19:12,303
On that fly-fishing trip
we talked about.
397
00:19:12,438 --> 00:19:15,206
Yeah. I'd like that.
398
00:19:15,273 --> 00:19:18,376
You know,
it takes a lot of courage
to go to a strange country,
399
00:19:18,444 --> 00:19:21,913
2,000 miles away.
A lot of kids would
be scared to do this.
400
00:19:21,981 --> 00:19:24,915
Well, to be honest,
I am scared.
401
00:19:24,983 --> 00:19:28,819
Yeah, I've talked
to a lot of people
who've been down there,
402
00:19:28,887 --> 00:19:30,288
But I don't know what
I'm getting in for.
403
00:19:30,356 --> 00:19:31,822
Yeah.
404
00:19:31,890 --> 00:19:34,426
If you got any trouble
or any questions,
I'm just a phone call away.
405
00:19:34,493 --> 00:19:37,695
So fill up those rain pants
with quarters, all right?
406
00:19:37,763 --> 00:19:39,930
Thanks, dad.
Yeah.
407
00:19:39,998 --> 00:19:41,266
Oh, I'm gonna miss you.
408
00:19:41,333 --> 00:19:43,334
I'm gonna miss you, too.
409
00:19:43,402 --> 00:19:45,904
But you're
gonna be just fine.
You're gonna do well.
410
00:19:45,971 --> 00:19:47,973
You think so?
Yeah.
411
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:52,176
You've survived every
natural disaster known to man
412
00:19:52,244 --> 00:19:56,013
Right here in this house.
413
00:19:56,081 --> 00:20:00,719
Man over p.A.: Flight 557
will now begin boarding
through gate 17.
414
00:20:01,654 --> 00:20:02,687
Well, I guess
this is it.
415
00:20:02,755 --> 00:20:03,788
Yeah.
416
00:20:03,856 --> 00:20:05,156
Mark: Have a good
trip, randy.
417
00:20:05,224 --> 00:20:06,725
Thanks, mark.
418
00:20:06,792 --> 00:20:11,796
And here's the video I made
of you and lauren making
out in the gazebo.
419
00:20:11,863 --> 00:20:14,799
You're a very odd boy.
420
00:20:14,867 --> 00:20:16,000
But I'm gonna miss you.
421
00:20:16,068 --> 00:20:18,570
I'll miss you, too.
422
00:20:18,637 --> 00:20:21,373
You, I'm not gonna
miss so much.
423
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,907
Have a good trip, buddy.
424
00:20:22,975 --> 00:20:24,409
Save a tree for me, eh?
425
00:20:24,477 --> 00:20:26,544
You got it.
426
00:20:26,612 --> 00:20:27,645
Dad.
427
00:20:27,713 --> 00:20:29,581
I got you a little present.
428
00:20:29,648 --> 00:20:33,017
A recorder, so you can record
your thoughts in the jungle,
send them back to us.
429
00:20:33,085 --> 00:20:35,152
We put some stuff
on there like this.
430
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:37,822
Jill: Wear your sun block.
Don't forget to write.
431
00:20:39,692 --> 00:20:41,959
Tim: Never look
a monkey in the eye.
432
00:20:45,398 --> 00:20:46,798
Thanks, dad.
433
00:20:51,203 --> 00:20:52,270
Mom.
434
00:20:52,337 --> 00:20:54,305
I'm fine. I'm fine.
435
00:20:54,373 --> 00:20:56,941
I packed some snacks
in your backpack
436
00:20:57,009 --> 00:20:58,342
In case you don't like
the food on the plane.
437
00:20:58,411 --> 00:21:00,011
There's celery.
There's carrots.
438
00:21:00,078 --> 00:21:03,648
Or if you want to
mix them together,
there's celery and carrots.
439
00:21:03,716 --> 00:21:05,182
I love you.
440
00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:07,919
I love you, too.
441
00:21:07,986 --> 00:21:09,987
You have a great time.
442
00:21:10,055 --> 00:21:12,423
And don't forget to write.
443
00:21:12,491 --> 00:21:13,925
Call when you get there!
444
00:21:13,992 --> 00:21:16,094
Call before you get there!
445
00:21:16,162 --> 00:21:20,064
Or I could open
the emergency door and
just yell out of the plane.
446
00:21:38,517 --> 00:21:39,918
That'll help.
This helps.