1
00:00:08,061 --> 00:00:09,695
It's the closing minutes
of the world cup.
2
00:00:09,763 --> 00:00:11,797
Brad taylor steals the ball
and dribbles to the right,
3
00:00:11,865 --> 00:00:14,833
Cuts back to the left, shoots!
It's a goal!
4
00:00:14,901 --> 00:00:18,904
Goal, goal, goal!
5
00:00:18,972 --> 00:00:20,706
(whoops) goal!
6
00:00:21,275 --> 00:00:22,775
Oh, yeah!
7
00:00:24,977 --> 00:00:27,246
So you're studying
hard today, huh?
8
00:00:27,313 --> 00:00:31,017
Yeah. I'm practicing
for the sat test.
9
00:00:31,084 --> 00:00:33,820
Is this the part where
they ask you to make rain?
10
00:00:35,455 --> 00:00:37,623
No, I was just
taking the math test.
11
00:00:37,691 --> 00:00:41,326
Gosh, it was so hard
I'm scared to find out
my score.
12
00:00:41,395 --> 00:00:43,195
Well, let's add it up.
How do we do this?
13
00:00:43,263 --> 00:00:45,097
Well, I already did the
adding and the subtracting.
14
00:00:45,164 --> 00:00:47,466
You have to take
this number here
and divide it by four.
15
00:00:47,534 --> 00:00:48,934
Well, don't worry.
16
00:00:49,002 --> 00:00:51,504
Math is just
simple logic.
17
00:00:51,571 --> 00:00:53,773
Let's see, two, two...
18
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:58,644
Well, dad, when you divide,
shouldn't
the number get smaller?
19
00:00:58,712 --> 00:01:01,380
I've been dividing
since I was a kid.
That is your score.
20
00:01:01,447 --> 00:01:04,149
Forty-two hundred, baby!
21
00:01:04,217 --> 00:01:06,919
Dad, the highest
possible score is 800.
22
00:01:06,987 --> 00:01:09,221
You know what?
I bet you added
a zero to the 420.
23
00:01:09,288 --> 00:01:12,057
Don't be silly.
You add a zero to 420,
you still get 420.
24
00:01:13,827 --> 00:01:15,360
Yeah, you're right.
Hi, guys.
25
00:01:15,395 --> 00:01:16,428
Hi.
26
00:01:16,496 --> 00:01:18,731
So what do you think?
27
00:01:19,632 --> 00:01:20,967
New hair?
28
00:01:21,034 --> 00:01:22,434
No!
29
00:01:22,502 --> 00:01:23,635
New pants?
30
00:01:23,703 --> 00:01:26,972
No! New couch!
New couch!
31
00:01:27,407 --> 00:01:30,276
Both: What new couch?
32
00:01:30,343 --> 00:01:32,845
I cannot believe
that you didn't notice it.
33
00:01:32,912 --> 00:01:35,080
It's been here since
early this morning.
34
00:01:35,148 --> 00:01:39,618
I spent six weeks
picking this thing out.
I love it. Love it.
35
00:01:39,686 --> 00:01:45,224
I'm gonna lie down here
and never get up. Ever. Never.
36
00:01:45,291 --> 00:01:47,460
Well, mom, I got a
420 on my math test.
37
00:01:47,527 --> 00:01:51,363
What? Oh, my god!
38
00:01:51,431 --> 00:01:54,166
You're never
gonna get into ucla
with scores like that,
39
00:01:54,234 --> 00:01:55,968
No matter how
well you play soccer.
40
00:01:56,036 --> 00:01:59,338
I know, but I hate math.
I'd rather hit myself in
the head with a hammer.
41
00:01:59,406 --> 00:02:01,607
Don't be too sure.
It really hurts.
42
00:02:52,258 --> 00:02:54,593
Does everybody know
what time it is?
43
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,162
All: Tool time!
44
00:02:56,229 --> 00:02:59,164
That's right!
Tim, tim, he's our man!
45
00:02:59,232 --> 00:03:01,801
If he can't fix it,
big al can!
46
00:03:01,868 --> 00:03:03,602
(crowd cheering)
47
00:03:07,073 --> 00:03:10,309
Heidi. Thank you, heidi.
Thank you.
48
00:03:10,376 --> 00:03:12,311
(heidi imitating train)
49
00:03:14,113 --> 00:03:16,148
Thank you, heidi.
Thank you, everyone.
Welcome to tool time.
50
00:03:16,215 --> 00:03:19,051
I am tim "the
school man" taylor.
51
00:03:19,118 --> 00:03:22,922
And, of course,
you all know my assistant
al "husky" borland.
52
00:03:26,192 --> 00:03:27,626
Al: Thank you.
53
00:03:29,061 --> 00:03:30,996
Welcome to our
tool time salute...
54
00:03:31,064 --> 00:03:32,698
Both: Food fight!
55
00:03:32,765 --> 00:03:35,434
...To college.
To college.
56
00:03:35,502 --> 00:03:39,238
In today's competitive
college environment,
a young man needs an edge.
57
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:43,108
That's why we've taken
that dorm room and given it
the old tool time twist.
58
00:03:43,176 --> 00:03:45,511
Ladies and gentlemen,
say hello to
59
00:03:45,579 --> 00:03:47,647
The man's dorm room!
The man's dorm room!
60
00:03:52,419 --> 00:03:55,220
Now, at first blush,
this may look like an
ordinary college dorm room,
61
00:03:55,288 --> 00:03:57,723
But let's
scratch that surface
a little bit and go deep.
62
00:03:57,791 --> 00:04:00,693
The operative word
in this dorm room
is "efficiency."
63
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,962
Most college students
don't have time
to do laundry,
64
00:04:03,029 --> 00:04:05,498
So it piles up,
cluttering the workspace.
65
00:04:05,565 --> 00:04:08,067
Hey, roomie, what are we
gonna do with all this
laundry?
66
00:04:07,934 --> 00:04:09,268
Not to worry.
67
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,670
We've modified this
little trash compactor.
68
00:04:12,272 --> 00:04:13,305
Aha!
69
00:04:13,373 --> 00:04:14,974
Perfect.
70
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:17,076
(motor whirring)
71
00:04:17,944 --> 00:04:19,578
(bell rings)
72
00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:22,314
(crowd applauding)
73
00:04:27,587 --> 00:04:32,624
Hard to believe there's
16 weeks of my dirty
underwear in there, huh?
74
00:04:32,692 --> 00:04:36,028
Suppose your kid has a
chemistry final tomorrow.
75
00:04:36,096 --> 00:04:38,297
He's got to do well,
76
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:41,433
But the professor's got this
silly bias against students
that, I don't know,
77
00:04:41,501 --> 00:04:43,602
Blow up the chemistry lab.
78
00:04:44,604 --> 00:04:46,004
Allegedly.
79
00:04:48,274 --> 00:04:50,342
To help students
stay up late studying,
80
00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:52,745
Our dorm room has
that added thing
81
00:04:52,813 --> 00:04:55,080
To give them
that jolt of energy!
82
00:04:55,148 --> 00:04:56,649
An oxygen bar.
83
00:04:57,984 --> 00:05:00,485
Yes, it comes
with domestic...
84
00:05:00,553 --> 00:05:02,188
Mmm, seattle.
85
00:05:03,123 --> 00:05:04,456
...And imported.
86
00:05:04,524 --> 00:05:05,991
(coughs)
87
00:05:07,093 --> 00:05:08,126
Mexico city.
88
00:05:11,430 --> 00:05:13,465
Well, moving on.
89
00:05:13,533 --> 00:05:14,933
Well, after a late night,
90
00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:16,969
Most students
have a hard time
getting up on time.
91
00:05:17,036 --> 00:05:22,208
So we've created
a fail-safe wake-up system
with three stages of alarm.
92
00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:26,245
Well, for the light sleeper...
93
00:05:26,479 --> 00:05:27,379
(alarm ringing)
94
00:05:27,446 --> 00:05:28,714
I'm up.
95
00:05:31,751 --> 00:05:33,351
For the moderate sleeper...
96
00:05:33,419 --> 00:05:35,287
(horn blaring)
97
00:05:38,791 --> 00:05:40,159
What was that?
98
00:05:41,394 --> 00:05:43,462
Just five more.
99
00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,930
For the stubborn sleeper...
100
00:05:45,998 --> 00:05:49,334
(screaming) get up!
101
00:05:49,402 --> 00:05:51,670
(crowd applauding)
102
00:05:57,077 --> 00:05:58,911
I've added one
more little thing.
103
00:05:58,979 --> 00:06:00,613
What?
104
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,581
Let's say you're
having the captain
of the cheerleaders over
105
00:06:02,648 --> 00:06:05,184
For a little
late-night studying,
106
00:06:05,251 --> 00:06:08,153
And you don't want
flannel boy listening in.
107
00:06:08,221 --> 00:06:09,488
Al: What?
108
00:06:13,693 --> 00:06:15,461
(all applauding)
109
00:06:22,035 --> 00:06:23,668
Aren't you supposed
to be studying?
110
00:06:23,737 --> 00:06:26,605
Yeah, mom wants me to be
studying, but I'm all out
of brain space.
111
00:06:26,672 --> 00:06:28,707
All right. Well,
take a little break.
112
00:06:28,775 --> 00:06:30,743
Let's play a
little out here.
113
00:06:30,810 --> 00:06:31,877
No, that's cool, dad.
114
00:06:31,945 --> 00:06:33,545
Come on. Just do it.
115
00:06:33,613 --> 00:06:35,680
(imitating schwarzenegger)
do it now. Come on.
Work it. Work it.
116
00:06:35,749 --> 00:06:39,284
Work it.
Don't turn your back on me,
girlie man. Shoot.
117
00:06:43,757 --> 00:06:45,123
Go easy on your dad, brad.
118
00:06:45,191 --> 00:06:46,458
(brad chuckles)
119
00:06:46,526 --> 00:06:49,794
Hey, do I smell pork
by-products over there?
120
00:06:49,862 --> 00:06:53,566
Yes, indeedy.
These are bangers
fresh from England.
121
00:06:53,633 --> 00:06:55,801
Hey, tim and brad taylor,
122
00:06:55,869 --> 00:06:57,670
I'd like you
to meet a former
student of mine
123
00:06:57,737 --> 00:06:59,871
From oxford,
simon downing-chubb.
124
00:06:59,939 --> 00:07:01,540
Hello, taylors.
How's it going?
125
00:07:01,607 --> 00:07:03,108
Simon downing-chubb.
126
00:07:03,142 --> 00:07:04,376
So what do you do?
127
00:07:04,444 --> 00:07:06,011
I own a software company.
128
00:07:06,079 --> 00:07:08,647
Actually, he owns one
of the largest software
companies in England.
129
00:07:08,715 --> 00:07:10,882
He's also a very
active philanthropist.
130
00:07:10,950 --> 00:07:15,520
Well, I'm involved in a
foundation that fights poverty
and promotes world peace.
131
00:07:15,588 --> 00:07:18,957
Enough chit-chat.
What do you drive?
132
00:07:19,025 --> 00:07:23,329
I've got a bentley,
two jaguars and I'm
restoring an austin-healy.
133
00:07:23,396 --> 00:07:25,798
Wow, I've got an
austin-healy myself!
134
00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:27,299
I thought that was
jill's austin-healy.
135
00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:30,168
Technically, in the sense
136
00:07:30,236 --> 00:07:34,038
That she owns it
and I'm not
allowed to drive it.
137
00:07:34,106 --> 00:07:36,308
Plus, neither one of them
can keep it running.
138
00:07:36,376 --> 00:07:38,143
(in british accent)
well, it is british.
139
00:07:40,046 --> 00:07:41,547
Well, you colonists
dumped our tea,
140
00:07:41,615 --> 00:07:44,015
So we get back at
you with our cars.
141
00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:46,651
Jill: Brad!
Study break's over!
142
00:07:46,719 --> 00:07:48,487
Nice to meet you,
mr. Downing-chubb.
143
00:07:49,889 --> 00:07:51,456
So brad's a soccer player?
144
00:07:51,524 --> 00:07:53,291
One of the best
high-school players
in detroit.
145
00:07:53,359 --> 00:07:55,060
Thanks, wilson.
I'm soccer-mad myself.
146
00:07:55,128 --> 00:07:57,029
I even bought my own team.
147
00:07:57,097 --> 00:08:00,466
The birmingham chubbs.
Are you a soccer fan, taylor?
148
00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:04,703
Yeah, you know, it's okay.
I love the rioting.
149
00:08:04,770 --> 00:08:06,972
Well, you know,
if brad has a game
in the next couple of days,
150
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,674
Why don't you take simon?
151
00:08:08,741 --> 00:08:10,675
He plays tomorrow afternoon.
Love to take you if
you want to go see it.
152
00:08:10,744 --> 00:08:13,245
And after that, maybe you
want to take a look at
the healy with me
153
00:08:13,312 --> 00:08:17,449
And tell me why the wipers
go on every time I honk
the horn.
154
00:08:17,517 --> 00:08:19,685
Sounds like a problem
with the radio.
155
00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:26,658
Do all americans
drive like that?
156
00:08:26,726 --> 00:08:28,626
Yeah. We drive on
the right side of
the road here, simon.
157
00:08:28,695 --> 00:08:32,397
No, I meant 60 miles
an hour on the shoulder.
158
00:08:32,464 --> 00:08:36,001
No, you see, my dad calls
that the passing lane.
159
00:08:36,069 --> 00:08:38,536
All right,
listen, guys, I gotta kick
around a few math problems.
160
00:08:38,604 --> 00:08:40,639
Great game, brad.
You were top-drawer.
161
00:08:40,706 --> 00:08:45,344
That means "good
job" if you live
in the mother country.
162
00:08:45,411 --> 00:08:47,313
Want to go out to
the garage and check
out the austin-healy?
163
00:08:47,380 --> 00:08:48,580
Lead on.
164
00:08:50,216 --> 00:08:51,283
Voila.
165
00:08:53,186 --> 00:08:54,619
Oh, it's a
lovely car, taylor.
166
00:08:54,687 --> 00:08:56,121
Thanks.
167
00:08:56,189 --> 00:08:58,257
Just finishing
having it rebuilt,
bottom up.
168
00:08:58,325 --> 00:09:01,093
But there's something
really funky in the wiring.
169
00:09:01,161 --> 00:09:03,828
All right, let's have
a quick peek under
your bonnet.
170
00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:11,136
Simon, we just met.
171
00:09:11,204 --> 00:09:13,138
In England, they call
the hood the bonnet.
172
00:09:13,206 --> 00:09:14,740
I know that.
173
00:09:14,808 --> 00:09:18,543
It's just you brits have a way
of sucking all the manliness
out of a car.
174
00:09:18,678 --> 00:09:21,913
I think it was the americans
who came up with the car bra.
175
00:09:25,017 --> 00:09:26,251
When you got a nice
set of headlights,
176
00:09:26,319 --> 00:09:30,355
You want to support them
with something, don't you?
177
00:09:30,423 --> 00:09:33,425
You know, I have to tell you,
brad really is
quite a soccer player.
178
00:09:33,493 --> 00:09:36,161
He's talented enough to play
professionally in England.
179
00:09:36,229 --> 00:09:37,496
You think he's that good?
180
00:09:37,563 --> 00:09:38,830
Yeah.
181
00:09:38,898 --> 00:09:40,599
I can't say the same
for your wiring.
182
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:41,833
What do you want to do?
183
00:09:41,901 --> 00:09:45,804
I'll need a wire stripper
and a cold beverage posthaste.
184
00:09:45,872 --> 00:09:49,975
Here's your wire stripper.
I'll get you your cold
beverage post-toasty.
185
00:09:53,045 --> 00:09:54,413
Hey, hitting
those books, huh?
186
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,015
Yeah. I already hit them.
Now I gotta open them.
187
00:09:57,082 --> 00:09:59,485
Guess what? Guess what
the chubbster said.
188
00:09:59,552 --> 00:10:02,620
He says you're good enough
to play soccer professionally
in England.
189
00:10:02,688 --> 00:10:04,056
No way!
Yeah.
190
00:10:04,123 --> 00:10:05,724
Wow! That's so cool.
191
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:09,828
(in british accent) awfully
talented, frightfully good,
absolutely marvelous.
192
00:10:09,895 --> 00:10:12,163
Shaken, not stirred.
James bond.
193
00:10:12,231 --> 00:10:15,133
Bond, james bond.
Dad. Dad.
194
00:10:15,201 --> 00:10:16,568
No, goldfinger.
Dad! Dad!
195
00:10:16,635 --> 00:10:17,869
No, goldfinger.
Dad!
196
00:10:17,937 --> 00:10:19,671
Pussy. Pussy galore.
197
00:10:22,541 --> 00:10:24,009
I'm trying to study here.
198
00:10:24,076 --> 00:10:26,311
Right! Right!
199
00:10:26,379 --> 00:10:29,414
Study! The boy must study!
I'll tell moneypenny
immediately.
200
00:10:31,117 --> 00:10:32,684
Honey, you're in for a treat.
201
00:10:32,752 --> 00:10:35,287
Your first banger's
almost off the grill.
202
00:10:37,991 --> 00:10:41,893
I can't wait.
What's in a banger anyway?
203
00:10:41,961 --> 00:10:45,396
A veritable zoo-full
of english animal innards,
204
00:10:46,532 --> 00:10:48,066
With just the right
amount of spices.
205
00:10:48,134 --> 00:10:49,867
Yeah, I think I'll pass.
206
00:10:49,935 --> 00:10:52,604
I've had enough monkey
in my diet lately.
207
00:10:53,873 --> 00:10:54,973
Hi, mom.
208
00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:56,775
Hey. How are you doing?
209
00:10:56,843 --> 00:10:58,510
Wait, what are you doing?
Aren't you
supposed to be studying?
210
00:10:58,577 --> 00:11:00,345
No, I don't have
to study anymore.
211
00:11:01,147 --> 00:11:02,714
Right.
212
00:11:02,782 --> 00:11:04,649
And what about
the sat tests?
213
00:11:04,717 --> 00:11:07,418
No, I don't have to
take them. I'm not
gonna go to college.
214
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,820
What?
Yeah.
215
00:11:08,888 --> 00:11:10,889
I'm gonna play
professional soccer
in England.
216
00:11:10,957 --> 00:11:13,425
You're looking at
the newest birmingham chubb.
217
00:11:15,228 --> 00:11:16,528
What are you
talking about?
218
00:11:16,596 --> 00:11:19,298
What the hell is
a birmingham chubb?
219
00:11:19,365 --> 00:11:20,498
Simon's team.
220
00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:22,234
Who the hell is simon?
221
00:11:22,301 --> 00:11:23,802
The owner of the chubbs.
222
00:11:23,870 --> 00:11:26,471
We're not getting anywhere.
223
00:11:26,539 --> 00:11:28,273
Simon's one of
wilson's friends.
224
00:11:28,341 --> 00:11:30,275
Dad invited him to the game
the other day and
he came and told me
225
00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:31,643
I was good enough
to play professional,
226
00:11:31,711 --> 00:11:33,178
And I said, "yeah.
I'm up for it."
227
00:11:33,245 --> 00:11:34,913
You're up for it?
228
00:11:36,148 --> 00:11:37,782
What makes you think
that your father and I
229
00:11:37,850 --> 00:11:40,852
Would even consider
allowing you to do this?
230
00:11:40,919 --> 00:11:42,754
Well, dad was the one
that told me about it.
231
00:11:42,822 --> 00:11:45,891
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Your father knows about this?
He's in favor of this?
232
00:11:45,959 --> 00:11:48,660
Well, yeah. He seemed
excited when simon told
him how good I was.
233
00:11:48,728 --> 00:11:51,362
They talked about the whole
thing while they were working
on the car.
234
00:11:51,430 --> 00:11:53,832
So while changing
a windshield wiper,
235
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:57,535
Your father
single-handedly decided
to change your entire future?
236
00:11:57,603 --> 00:12:00,471
All right, who's ready
to suck down a banger?
237
00:12:08,281 --> 00:12:10,715
You can get a salad,
too, if you want.
238
00:12:14,153 --> 00:12:16,988
Tim, when I went to
work this morning,
239
00:12:17,056 --> 00:12:18,924
I had a son who was
headed for college.
240
00:12:18,991 --> 00:12:22,327
Now I've got a chubb.
241
00:12:22,395 --> 00:12:25,463
Dad, I talked to simon.
I'm gonna be playing
professional soccer.
242
00:12:25,531 --> 00:12:26,731
What?
243
00:12:26,799 --> 00:12:29,401
Don't act so surprised.
You're the one that
told him to do it.
244
00:12:29,468 --> 00:12:31,369
I have no idea what you
guys are talking about.
245
00:12:31,437 --> 00:12:34,339
You invited simon
to go watch him play, right?
246
00:12:34,406 --> 00:12:37,576
You told brad that
he was good enough
to play pro.
247
00:12:41,914 --> 00:12:43,448
Have you lost weight?
248
00:12:46,152 --> 00:12:49,387
How could you tell brad
that it's okay for him
to play soccer in europe?
249
00:12:49,455 --> 00:12:51,923
I didn't say that. I just
passed on simon's compliment,
that's all.
250
00:12:51,991 --> 00:12:54,192
But you know how much
trouble he's having
with his schoolwork.
251
00:12:54,260 --> 00:12:55,726
I mean, telling him
that was like
252
00:12:55,794 --> 00:12:57,528
Dangling a big, fat carrot
in front of a starving horse!
253
00:12:57,596 --> 00:12:59,730
Well, I didn't know
the starving horse would
eat the big, fat carrot!
254
00:12:59,798 --> 00:13:01,099
Well, you should have!
255
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:03,501
Excuse me, guys.
The horse would
like to speak.
256
00:13:05,471 --> 00:13:08,974
Look, guys, this is a big
opportunity for me and I
don't want to pass it up.
257
00:13:09,042 --> 00:13:12,910
Brad, you said that you
wanted to play soccer
in college. What about ucla?
258
00:13:12,978 --> 00:13:14,979
No, you guys wanted
me to go to ucla.
259
00:13:15,047 --> 00:13:16,715
This is a chance for me
to get on the soccer field
260
00:13:16,782 --> 00:13:18,316
Without killing
myself studying.
261
00:13:18,383 --> 00:13:20,284
Well, what if going pro
doesn't work out, brad?
262
00:13:20,386 --> 00:13:21,486
Yeah.
263
00:13:21,554 --> 00:13:23,321
Dad, you know it's gonna
work out, you've seen me play.
264
00:13:23,389 --> 00:13:25,757
Brad, you're gonna
ruin your chances
to get a scholarship.
265
00:13:25,824 --> 00:13:27,659
Mom, if I go pro,
I don't need a scholarship.
266
00:13:27,726 --> 00:13:29,194
(sighs)
267
00:13:29,262 --> 00:13:31,463
I don't believe this.
You actually
expect us to just say,
268
00:13:31,531 --> 00:13:34,132
"oh, yeah. Great.
Okay, pack up,
go to England"?
269
00:13:34,199 --> 00:13:36,000
Well, you guys let
randy go to costa rica.
270
00:13:36,068 --> 00:13:37,802
No.
No, no, no.
That's not the same thing.
271
00:13:37,870 --> 00:13:40,972
He's down there for school.
He's still in
an educational program.
272
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,041
Well, simon says it's gonna
be a great experience for me
273
00:13:43,109 --> 00:13:45,276
Playing soccer
and living on my own.
274
00:13:45,344 --> 00:13:47,078
What do you plan
to do for money?
Yeah.
275
00:13:47,146 --> 00:13:48,680
Simon says he'll pay me
£10,000 a year.
276
00:13:48,748 --> 00:13:50,749
Simon says that's
plenty to live on.
277
00:13:50,816 --> 00:13:52,851
That's simple
for simon to say.
278
00:13:57,589 --> 00:14:00,491
If simon says jump
off the london bridge,
are you gonna do that?
279
00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:02,093
Simon wouldn't say that.
280
00:14:04,464 --> 00:14:07,365
I say you are
going to college.
281
00:14:07,433 --> 00:14:09,901
And I say you're
going to college, too.
282
00:14:09,968 --> 00:14:13,204
Okay, dad, so you're saying
if you could've gone straight
from high school to tool time,
283
00:14:13,272 --> 00:14:15,373
Are you saying you
would have gone to college?
284
00:14:15,441 --> 00:14:18,443
Well, of course he would
have gone to college.
Tell him, tim.
285
00:14:23,148 --> 00:14:24,849
You... They...
286
00:14:24,917 --> 00:14:27,118
The... No, there's...
287
00:14:27,186 --> 00:14:29,353
If that...
Those... They never...
288
00:14:29,421 --> 00:14:30,922
No one called.
289
00:14:31,925 --> 00:14:33,457
Tim!
290
00:14:33,525 --> 00:14:35,961
There's...
No, no, no.
That's all I wanted to hear.
291
00:14:35,828 --> 00:14:38,596
No, no.
I just stuttered then.
I didn't say anything.
292
00:14:38,664 --> 00:14:39,931
What was that about?
293
00:14:39,999 --> 00:14:41,666
Well, that question
caught me off guard.
294
00:14:41,734 --> 00:14:43,969
Well, you're on guard now.
Go tell him to go to college.
295
00:14:44,036 --> 00:14:47,038
Jill, look, if I had the
chance to skip english lit
296
00:14:47,106 --> 00:14:49,708
And go straight to tool time,
I probably would have done it.
297
00:14:49,776 --> 00:14:53,078
That's fine for you,
but that's not the message
I want our son to hear.
298
00:14:53,146 --> 00:14:55,914
He asked me a question,
I gave him an honest answer.
What was I supposed to do?
299
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:59,284
You do what most good
parents would do, lie.
300
00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:09,294
Good arm, wilson.
301
00:15:09,361 --> 00:15:12,230
Well, thank you, neighbor.
Simon inspired me
to dust off my cricket gear.
302
00:15:13,966 --> 00:15:15,433
(sighs)
303
00:15:15,501 --> 00:15:18,069
Unfortunately,
I'm having trouble
controlling my googly.
304
00:15:19,038 --> 00:15:21,073
Maybe you should
switch to briefs.
305
00:15:23,142 --> 00:15:27,379
No, tim. See,
the googly is the cricket
equivalent of a curve ball.
306
00:15:27,446 --> 00:15:30,682
Well, simon certainly threw
a curve ball over here
the other day.
307
00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:32,517
Did you know
that he offered brad
308
00:15:32,585 --> 00:15:35,587
A contract to play
for his soccer team
in England?
309
00:15:35,655 --> 00:15:37,788
Well, simon said that
brad was a great player,
310
00:15:37,857 --> 00:15:40,024
But simon never said anything
about signing him up.
311
00:15:40,059 --> 00:15:44,429
I am sick of what simon says!
312
00:15:44,497 --> 00:15:47,632
So I take it you
and jill don't want
brad playing in England?
313
00:15:47,699 --> 00:15:49,567
Jill doesn't. I'm not sure.
314
00:15:49,635 --> 00:15:51,736
Brad doesn't care,
he just wants to go.
315
00:15:51,771 --> 00:15:55,773
Oh, well,
I understand their positions,
but why are you on the fence?
316
00:15:55,841 --> 00:15:57,309
Well, you know,
317
00:15:57,376 --> 00:16:00,278
Brad asked me if I could
have skipped college
318
00:16:00,346 --> 00:16:03,181
And gone right to tool time,
would I have done that?
319
00:16:03,249 --> 00:16:05,984
And I couldn't say
that I wouldn't
have done that.
320
00:16:06,051 --> 00:16:07,853
Ah.
321
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,255
And you're afraid if you told
brad to do something that you
wouldn't do,
322
00:16:10,323 --> 00:16:11,689
You would be a hypocrite.
323
00:16:11,724 --> 00:16:13,525
Exactly.
324
00:16:13,592 --> 00:16:16,595
Tim, to be offered
your dream job at
such an early age,
325
00:16:16,662 --> 00:16:18,630
That would be
so flattering.
326
00:16:18,698 --> 00:16:20,365
I think anybody
would be tempted.
327
00:16:20,432 --> 00:16:21,866
So do I.
328
00:16:21,934 --> 00:16:24,369
You know, for example,
when I was young,
329
00:16:24,437 --> 00:16:26,471
I had to choose
between going to oxford
330
00:16:26,539 --> 00:16:28,773
Or becoming
a professional mime.
331
00:16:35,214 --> 00:16:39,450
That certainly
would have impacted
our relationship, wouldn't it?
332
00:16:41,487 --> 00:16:45,590
You know, tim, if you had been
offered tool time when you
were 18 years of age,
333
00:16:45,658 --> 00:16:48,627
Do you think you
would have missed anything
by not going to college?
334
00:16:48,694 --> 00:16:50,028
Of course I would've
missed college.
335
00:16:50,095 --> 00:16:51,596
That's where I met
a lot of my friends,
336
00:16:51,664 --> 00:16:53,331
And, you know,
there's all sorts of
great stuff in college.
337
00:16:53,399 --> 00:16:55,066
You know,
panty raids, keggers.
338
00:16:55,134 --> 00:16:56,535
(laughing)
339
00:16:56,602 --> 00:17:00,271
And chemistry class.
They let me work
with real stuff.
340
00:17:00,339 --> 00:17:02,474
That's when you
blew up the lab.
341
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:03,574
Allegedly.
342
00:17:05,678 --> 00:17:08,846
College was more about
expanding my horizons.
I learned a lot of stuff.
343
00:17:08,914 --> 00:17:10,514
So there you go.
344
00:17:10,582 --> 00:17:12,450
You know, it seems to me
you can have this talk about
345
00:17:12,517 --> 00:17:15,353
College with brad
without being a hypocrite.
346
00:17:17,723 --> 00:17:20,692
What made you decide
not to be a mime?
347
00:17:20,826 --> 00:17:22,493
I talked myself out of it.
348
00:17:25,030 --> 00:17:26,197
(rock music playing loudly)
349
00:17:26,265 --> 00:17:27,532
Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad!
350
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:28,700
What?
351
00:17:28,767 --> 00:17:30,635
Turn that thing off!
I want to talk to you!
352
00:17:30,703 --> 00:17:32,670
Well, if you're gonna
yell at me about England,
353
00:17:32,738 --> 00:17:34,606
You can forget
about it, all right?
I'm making my own decisions.
354
00:17:34,673 --> 00:17:36,374
(yelling) I'm not here
to yell at you.
355
00:17:38,410 --> 00:17:40,612
I want to have
a calm discussion
356
00:17:40,679 --> 00:17:43,615
About pro soccer
versus going to college.
357
00:17:43,683 --> 00:17:46,651
Dad, I just feel that the
experience I'd get playing
professional soccer
358
00:17:46,718 --> 00:17:49,253
Would make up for anything
I'd be missing in college.
359
00:17:49,321 --> 00:17:52,056
So you do admit you might
miss something if you don't
go to college?
360
00:17:52,124 --> 00:17:53,558
Nothing important.
361
00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,293
Dad, and you even
implied earlier
362
00:17:55,361 --> 00:17:57,262
That if you could
have skipped college,
you would have.
363
00:17:57,296 --> 00:17:59,964
When I thought about it,
I was wrong about that.
364
00:18:00,031 --> 00:18:02,066
Dad, this is such
a big opportunity
for me.
365
00:18:02,134 --> 00:18:04,034
I mean,
I'll be living on my own,
making money,
366
00:18:04,102 --> 00:18:06,004
And doing the one
thing I'm good at.
367
00:18:06,071 --> 00:18:07,505
What do you
mean the one thing
you're good at?
368
00:18:07,572 --> 00:18:09,073
You're good at
a lot more things
than just soccer.
369
00:18:09,141 --> 00:18:11,476
Dad, I'm a lot better
on the soccer field
than I am in the classroom.
370
00:18:11,544 --> 00:18:14,245
You worked real hard
this year and you got
your grades up, didn't you?
371
00:18:14,313 --> 00:18:18,549
Yeah, in high school.
If I go to a school like ucla,
dad, they'll humiliate me.
372
00:18:18,617 --> 00:18:20,017
Where did you get
an idea like that?
373
00:18:20,085 --> 00:18:22,787
Grant scott's brother
sent me a book from ucla.
374
00:18:22,855 --> 00:18:24,656
I couldn't even
understand the cover.
375
00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:26,391
Well, you just gotta...
376
00:18:27,927 --> 00:18:29,094
Jeez!
377
00:18:31,864 --> 00:18:33,731
It's like a foreign language.
378
00:18:33,799 --> 00:18:35,433
That's my spanish book.
379
00:18:39,171 --> 00:18:41,706
Dad, I'm talking,
like, a calculus book.
380
00:18:41,774 --> 00:18:43,675
Well, you know, you're not
supposed to understand this.
381
00:18:43,743 --> 00:18:45,910
That's why you go to college,
so you will understand it.
382
00:18:46,011 --> 00:18:48,613
Dad, I'm not gonna
cut it at ucla
or any other college!
383
00:18:48,681 --> 00:18:50,682
Okay?
It's gonna be way too hard!
I'm gonna flunk out!
384
00:18:50,749 --> 00:18:53,084
Wait a minute.
Is that what
this is all about?
385
00:18:53,152 --> 00:18:54,753
You're gonna
run off to England
because you're scared?
386
00:18:54,820 --> 00:18:56,187
No, I'm not scared.
387
00:18:56,255 --> 00:18:57,722
You just said
you were worried
about flunking out.
388
00:18:57,790 --> 00:18:58,890
You're gonna go
across the sea,
go over someplace else.
389
00:18:58,958 --> 00:19:01,259
You know, I don't want
you becoming a mime!
390
00:19:04,296 --> 00:19:05,629
What?
391
00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:10,935
I don't want you to miss
the opportunity
for an education
392
00:19:11,003 --> 00:19:13,304
Because you're
afraid of messing up.
393
00:19:13,372 --> 00:19:15,941
Well, don't you ever
worry about messing up?
394
00:19:19,111 --> 00:19:21,312
Have you ever
seen tool time?
395
00:19:23,315 --> 00:19:24,916
Yeah, I guess you're right.
396
00:19:24,984 --> 00:19:30,155
Look. Look, son,
you get stronger in life
by facing your fears.
397
00:19:30,222 --> 00:19:32,257
You were real worried
about going to high school
398
00:19:32,324 --> 00:19:34,125
And you worked hard
and you got your grades up.
399
00:19:34,193 --> 00:19:36,027
College is just
a step like that.
400
00:19:36,094 --> 00:19:39,730
And you can do this, brad.
You can do this.
401
00:19:39,798 --> 00:19:41,198
All right,
I'll think about it.
402
00:19:41,266 --> 00:19:43,201
And think about this,
403
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:46,871
Half of the starters
on the world cup soccer
team came from ucla.
404
00:19:46,938 --> 00:19:48,673
Dad, they finished last.
405
00:19:48,741 --> 00:19:50,308
That's why they need you.
406
00:19:52,077 --> 00:19:53,744
Yeah, I guess you're right.
407
00:19:53,812 --> 00:19:57,749
You get into ucla,
I will build you a dorm
room of your dreams, man.
408
00:19:57,816 --> 00:20:01,052
Just like on tool time.
What feature
would you really like?
409
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:02,119
Heidi?
410
00:20:07,893 --> 00:20:11,129
It's not a beauty pageant.
This is a fitness competition.
411
00:20:11,196 --> 00:20:12,664
Hi, guys.
412
00:20:16,002 --> 00:20:17,502
We were just watching
the discovery channel.
413
00:20:17,569 --> 00:20:21,372
Yeah, right. Brad, brad,
your sat scores came.
414
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,008
I think I'll open
them a little later.
415
00:20:23,075 --> 00:20:24,342
No. No.
416
00:20:24,409 --> 00:20:26,811
No, we can't
stand the suspense.
417
00:20:26,879 --> 00:20:29,114
Here, dad.
You can open them.
I'll open them.
418
00:20:32,852 --> 00:20:35,987
Hold on.
Don't open it yet.
Don't open it yet.
419
00:20:36,055 --> 00:20:37,355
All right, go ahead.
Okay, I'll go ahead.
420
00:20:37,422 --> 00:20:39,624
Wait, wait.
Not, not yet.
Not yet.
421
00:20:39,692 --> 00:20:42,293
Brad, honey, relax.
422
00:20:42,361 --> 00:20:44,128
Okay, go ahead.
423
00:20:45,464 --> 00:20:48,166
(whistles)
424
00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:53,371
Eight-hundred-and-twenty-six
million, fifty-thousand
and thirty-three.
425
00:20:54,273 --> 00:20:57,007
Dad, that's my
social security number.
426
00:21:00,045 --> 00:21:03,080
Hey, brad, look.
You got a 550 in math,
530 in english.
427
00:21:03,148 --> 00:21:04,648
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
428
00:21:04,716 --> 00:21:06,684
Cool. I'm gonna go
call samantha and tell
her the good news.
429
00:21:06,752 --> 00:21:08,386
Okay.
All right.
430
00:21:09,421 --> 00:21:10,889
Cool.
Cool.
431
00:21:13,458 --> 00:21:18,462
Do you realize how close we
came to having another son
in a foreign country?
432
00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:19,964
What's with
these kids anyway?
433
00:21:20,032 --> 00:21:21,332
Other people want
to come to america,
434
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,368
These kids just
want to get out.
435
00:21:25,404 --> 00:21:27,305
Do you think
it's my cooking?
436
00:21:29,275 --> 00:21:31,642
You combine that
with this couch, and...
437
00:21:36,515 --> 00:21:38,950
Does everybody know
what time it is?
438
00:21:39,017 --> 00:21:40,352
All: Tool time!
439
00:21:40,419 --> 00:21:41,886
(laughing)
440
00:21:45,023 --> 00:21:46,557
Man: That's right!
441
00:21:49,061 --> 00:21:51,463
(crowd booing)
442
00:21:51,530 --> 00:21:53,364
Simon says he's gonna
pay me £10,000 a year
443
00:21:53,432 --> 00:21:56,200
And simon says that's
plenty to live on.
444
00:21:59,671 --> 00:22:01,206
Is there a cigar
in this thing?
445
00:22:01,273 --> 00:22:02,673
I know! I know!