1 00:00:04,458 --> 00:00:07,793 Merry christmas and welcome to tool time. We're live on al's rooftop. 2 00:00:07,861 --> 00:00:11,396 Now, here's the star of the show, tim "the tool man" taylor. 3 00:00:11,465 --> 00:00:15,167 Thank you, heidi. I am tim... Well, "the yule man" taylor. 4 00:00:15,234 --> 00:00:16,836 And, of course, you all know my assistant, 5 00:00:16,903 --> 00:00:20,906 Al "be home for christmas just like every other night" borland. 6 00:00:23,409 --> 00:00:24,777 Well, today, we're gonna show you 7 00:00:24,845 --> 00:00:27,880 The proper way of putting up christmas lights on your roof. 8 00:00:27,947 --> 00:00:29,949 Heidi here's installing a gfi outlet. 9 00:00:30,016 --> 00:00:32,151 A gfi is a ground fault interrupter. 10 00:00:32,219 --> 00:00:33,519 It prevents people from being shocked, 11 00:00:33,587 --> 00:00:35,154 Something I know an awful lot about. 12 00:00:36,423 --> 00:00:37,423 Now, I've already done the wiring. 13 00:00:37,490 --> 00:00:39,825 I brought the conduit in from the attic. 14 00:00:39,892 --> 00:00:42,428 Make sure that the lighting strands and the extension cords 15 00:00:42,495 --> 00:00:46,365 Are heavy-duty ul-approved and marked for outdoor use. 16 00:00:46,433 --> 00:00:47,733 That prevents electrical fires, 17 00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:50,803 Something else I know an awful lot about. 18 00:00:50,871 --> 00:00:53,906 That's right. And al and I have taken the ultimate safety precaution. 19 00:00:53,974 --> 00:00:56,809 We're not allowing tim to do any of the work. 20 00:01:02,349 --> 00:01:06,018 Anyway, I'm especially excited about decorating this year. 21 00:01:06,086 --> 00:01:08,620 This is my first christmas in my new house. 22 00:01:08,688 --> 00:01:12,191 Actually, it isn't your house. He rents it from me, so it would be my house. 23 00:01:12,259 --> 00:01:13,425 Well, technically, I... 24 00:01:13,493 --> 00:01:14,659 Technically, the windows are mine, 25 00:01:14,727 --> 00:01:16,996 The roof is mine, the house is mine. 26 00:01:17,063 --> 00:01:19,198 Getting into the holiday spirit early, I see. 27 00:01:19,266 --> 00:01:22,167 Ah, yes. Windows, bathtub, sinks, faucets. 28 00:01:22,235 --> 00:01:24,569 Mine, mine, mine, mine. Aren't they, al? 29 00:01:24,637 --> 00:01:26,038 Mine, mine, mine... 30 00:01:26,106 --> 00:01:27,706 Well, this actually is my first christmas... 31 00:01:27,774 --> 00:01:29,008 Mine, mine, mine! 32 00:01:29,075 --> 00:01:31,143 ...In tim's neighborhood, 33 00:01:31,211 --> 00:01:34,413 Which makes me eligible for the annual lighting contest. 34 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:36,815 Ooh. I'm shaking in my sorels! 35 00:01:38,351 --> 00:01:40,685 But in the spirit of healthy competition, 36 00:01:40,753 --> 00:01:43,855 I've decided to give al some of my cool decorations from last year. 37 00:01:43,924 --> 00:01:45,891 Well, thank you, tim. It's nothing. 38 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:47,359 I'll say. 39 00:01:47,427 --> 00:01:50,029 We got some tangled lights 40 00:01:53,466 --> 00:01:56,035 And, uh, a melted elf. 41 00:01:56,102 --> 00:01:59,738 Well, actually, he prefers melted little person. 42 00:01:59,806 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaking of melted things, we'll be right back 43 00:02:01,908 --> 00:02:04,543 After these words from saginaw cheese. 44 00:02:04,610 --> 00:02:06,445 Cheese, it's good! 45 00:02:08,849 --> 00:02:09,848 Director: We're clear! 46 00:02:09,916 --> 00:02:11,117 All right, everybody. Look, I need two... 47 00:02:11,184 --> 00:02:12,784 Thank you, milton. All right. 48 00:02:12,852 --> 00:02:15,287 Wendy, would you get some powder up here on al's nose? 49 00:02:15,355 --> 00:02:18,190 He looks like a glazed donut. 50 00:02:18,258 --> 00:02:21,460 Well, tim, I'm not gonna need your throwaway decorations. 51 00:02:21,528 --> 00:02:23,395 I'm gonna win with my own. 52 00:02:23,463 --> 00:02:26,798 Al, I've seen your christmas bonus. I don't think so. 53 00:02:26,867 --> 00:02:29,402 I may not have as much money as you do for decorations, 54 00:02:29,469 --> 00:02:30,969 But I have a partner. 55 00:02:31,037 --> 00:02:32,071 A partner? 56 00:02:32,138 --> 00:02:33,372 Hello. 57 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,740 Hey, trudy! 58 00:02:34,807 --> 00:02:35,908 Your girlfriend's your partner? 59 00:02:35,976 --> 00:02:37,042 Yes, she is. 60 00:02:37,110 --> 00:02:38,678 Hi. Hi. 61 00:02:38,745 --> 00:02:42,081 The rest of the decorations have arrived and they're really cute. 62 00:02:42,148 --> 00:02:45,051 In this competition, cute doesn't cut it, sister. 63 00:02:45,118 --> 00:02:46,885 I think we'll be fine. 64 00:02:46,953 --> 00:02:48,921 Wow. What is that? 65 00:03:01,133 --> 00:03:04,370 Hey, mrs. Borland. That red's so slimming on you. 66 00:03:55,054 --> 00:03:58,156 Okay, we got the graham crackers for the window shutters, 67 00:03:58,224 --> 00:04:00,425 And the licorice for the gutters. 68 00:04:00,494 --> 00:04:03,629 I just need those red hots for the doorknobs. 69 00:04:03,696 --> 00:04:05,965 Where are they? They used to be right here. 70 00:04:06,032 --> 00:04:07,233 Here. Hide the box. 71 00:04:08,368 --> 00:04:10,569 What are you doing? 72 00:04:10,637 --> 00:04:12,704 Taking candy from his younger cousins. 73 00:04:12,772 --> 00:04:14,573 He should be ashamed of himself. 74 00:04:15,975 --> 00:04:17,509 Nice try, cinnamon breath. 75 00:04:17,577 --> 00:04:20,079 You should be ashamed of yourself for selling out your brother. 76 00:04:20,146 --> 00:04:22,047 And yet, oddly, I feel great. 77 00:04:22,115 --> 00:04:23,982 (laughing) 78 00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:26,385 Go to the store and get me some more. 79 00:04:26,453 --> 00:04:28,053 Okay, now, where were we? 80 00:04:28,121 --> 00:04:29,188 Oh, no. 81 00:04:29,256 --> 00:04:31,223 Claire put her shutters on backwards. 82 00:04:31,291 --> 00:04:33,225 I wanted to do it like uncle tim. 83 00:04:35,261 --> 00:04:36,528 Good girl. 84 00:04:36,596 --> 00:04:37,830 Merry christmas, everybody. 85 00:04:37,897 --> 00:04:39,064 Hey. 86 00:04:39,131 --> 00:04:40,399 Look at our gingerbread house. 87 00:04:40,467 --> 00:04:41,633 Ta-da! 88 00:04:41,701 --> 00:04:43,168 Who supervised the construction? 89 00:04:43,236 --> 00:04:44,269 I did. 90 00:04:44,337 --> 00:04:45,904 Who gave you your permits? 91 00:04:46,673 --> 00:04:48,540 Mrs. Claus. Uh-huh. 92 00:04:48,608 --> 00:04:50,442 Well, licorice gutters... 93 00:04:50,510 --> 00:04:53,479 That's not for the gutters, it's supposed to be for the plumbing. 94 00:04:53,546 --> 00:04:55,514 I think maybe I better get my hands on this. 95 00:04:55,582 --> 00:04:57,416 No! We want it to last till christmas. 96 00:04:57,483 --> 00:04:58,684 Why, you... 97 00:04:58,751 --> 00:05:00,719 No, no, no! Away! 98 00:05:00,787 --> 00:05:03,422 So how did it go at al's? 99 00:05:03,490 --> 00:05:05,090 Well, tool time was all right. 100 00:05:05,158 --> 00:05:08,193 Al has resorted to cheating for the christmas lighting contest. 101 00:05:08,294 --> 00:05:09,628 Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. 102 00:05:09,696 --> 00:05:11,396 Al's not half the cheater you are. 103 00:05:15,602 --> 00:05:18,704 So you had your christmas with your mom this morning? 104 00:05:18,771 --> 00:05:21,306 Yeah, we got lots of presents. Great. 105 00:05:21,374 --> 00:05:24,676 Aunt jill, what do you like most about christmas? 106 00:05:24,744 --> 00:05:27,112 Well, I like the whole spirit of the holiday. 107 00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:29,815 Peace on earth, goodwill towards men. 108 00:05:29,882 --> 00:05:32,117 Borland's santa's toast. 109 00:05:39,125 --> 00:05:40,626 What is that? 110 00:05:40,693 --> 00:05:41,860 What does it look like? 111 00:05:41,928 --> 00:05:43,562 It's a wise man with a harpoon gun. 112 00:05:45,598 --> 00:05:47,466 'tis the season to be packing. 113 00:05:50,536 --> 00:05:52,370 Hey. Where have you guys been? 114 00:05:52,438 --> 00:05:55,340 Dad sent us over to al's to check out his roof decorations. 115 00:05:55,408 --> 00:05:57,777 See, I am so proud to spy for you for christmas, 116 00:05:57,844 --> 00:05:59,278 The holiest holiday of the year. 117 00:05:59,346 --> 00:06:01,213 Cut the crap. What did it look like? 118 00:06:02,282 --> 00:06:03,381 It's awesome. 119 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:07,820 His nativity scene's more convincing than the original. 120 00:06:07,887 --> 00:06:09,321 All right, here's the plan. 121 00:06:09,389 --> 00:06:11,857 Take bobby ram dass, put him on the roof and sight him in. 122 00:06:11,924 --> 00:06:13,659 All right? 123 00:06:13,727 --> 00:06:17,296 I'm gonna get some high-powered binoculars and meet you out there. 124 00:06:17,363 --> 00:06:20,733 Okay, which one of you girls wants to put the christmas tree angel up? 125 00:06:22,836 --> 00:06:24,536 What's wrong? 126 00:06:24,604 --> 00:06:26,471 Are you scared to get up on the ladder? I'll hold you up there. 127 00:06:26,539 --> 00:06:29,141 We always used to put the angel up with mommy and daddy. 128 00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:30,542 And now they're fighting. 129 00:06:32,312 --> 00:06:34,413 I am so sorry. 130 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:38,316 Look, I know that this must be awful for you guys. 131 00:06:38,384 --> 00:06:39,718 But, you know, there's one really good thing 132 00:06:39,786 --> 00:06:40,786 About your new arrangement, 133 00:06:40,854 --> 00:06:42,287 And that is you get to have two christmases. 134 00:06:42,355 --> 00:06:45,323 You get to have two whole sets of presents. 135 00:06:46,026 --> 00:06:47,392 Oh, yeah. 136 00:06:48,728 --> 00:06:50,296 Feliz navidad, everybody. 137 00:06:50,363 --> 00:06:51,530 Hey! Hey! Hey! 138 00:06:51,597 --> 00:06:52,731 Jill: Randy! 139 00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:56,302 Oh, my god! Oh, my god! 140 00:07:02,142 --> 00:07:03,775 What are you doing? Oh, my god! 141 00:07:03,843 --> 00:07:05,344 I sent all your presents to costa rica! 142 00:07:05,411 --> 00:07:06,478 That's all right. 143 00:07:06,546 --> 00:07:08,313 How did you get here? 144 00:07:08,381 --> 00:07:10,215 Well, you know, lauren had some extra bonus miles, 145 00:07:10,283 --> 00:07:12,083 And I thought, "I can't spend christmas without my mom and dad." 146 00:07:12,152 --> 00:07:13,519 Yeah! Huh? 147 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:17,255 He gets to spend christmas with his mom and dad? 148 00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:18,323 Claire! 149 00:07:19,225 --> 00:07:21,826 I'll be right back. 150 00:07:21,894 --> 00:07:24,763 Uh, this is their first christmas since the separation, 151 00:07:24,831 --> 00:07:27,432 And they're not really taking it that well. 152 00:07:27,501 --> 00:07:28,534 But you're looking great. 153 00:07:28,602 --> 00:07:30,769 You gotta get out here. Baby jesus is smoking. 154 00:07:32,705 --> 00:07:34,039 Uh, I'll be right back. 155 00:07:34,107 --> 00:07:36,008 Look, randy's here. Hey, randy, what's going on? 156 00:07:36,075 --> 00:07:37,910 Brad! I'll catch you later, man. 157 00:07:40,212 --> 00:07:41,680 Oh. Hey, randy, I heard you were back. 158 00:07:41,748 --> 00:07:43,448 Tim: Mark, grab the fire extinguisher! 159 00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,253 Bye. 160 00:07:48,321 --> 00:07:49,521 Okay. 161 00:07:50,056 --> 00:07:51,790 Merry christmas. 162 00:07:51,858 --> 00:07:53,558 Merry christmas to you, too, randy. 163 00:07:53,626 --> 00:07:55,493 Have a cookie. Don't mind if I do. 164 00:08:00,566 --> 00:08:02,367 Oh, my god! 165 00:08:05,972 --> 00:08:08,974 Randy, I thought I told you that mark and brad 166 00:08:09,842 --> 00:08:11,977 Are pigs. 167 00:08:12,044 --> 00:08:13,879 The family I'm staying with has pigs, 168 00:08:13,946 --> 00:08:15,714 And believe me, they're a lot neater. 169 00:08:17,216 --> 00:08:19,285 Well, I know the conditions aren't ideal, 170 00:08:19,352 --> 00:08:22,655 But at least you'll get to bond with your brothers. 171 00:08:22,722 --> 00:08:24,055 (phone ringing) 172 00:08:24,123 --> 00:08:26,625 Yeah, I'm just a little afraid of what we'll be bonding with. 173 00:08:26,693 --> 00:08:29,861 Oh, god! 174 00:08:29,929 --> 00:08:33,632 Well, if it gets really bad, you can crash on the couch upstairs. 175 00:08:33,699 --> 00:08:35,567 Mom, grandma's on the phone. 176 00:08:35,635 --> 00:08:37,970 Guys, will you clean up this pigsty now? 177 00:08:38,037 --> 00:08:39,671 Yeah. We'll get right on it. 178 00:08:41,107 --> 00:08:42,141 (door closes) 179 00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:44,609 (sighs) 180 00:08:44,677 --> 00:08:46,979 Man, that was awesome what you did to dad on the roof. 181 00:08:47,047 --> 00:08:49,815 Gosh, you nailed him with that fire extinguisher. 182 00:08:49,882 --> 00:08:50,882 Thanks. 183 00:08:50,951 --> 00:08:52,284 Yeah. How'd you get dad? 184 00:08:52,352 --> 00:08:54,186 Oh, you're not gonna believe this, randy. 185 00:08:54,254 --> 00:08:55,921 First, he snuck up behind dad, right? 186 00:08:56,889 --> 00:08:59,158 And then, he... 187 00:08:59,225 --> 00:09:00,826 And then, dad... 188 00:09:02,895 --> 00:09:04,896 Oh, man, that was funny. 189 00:09:06,899 --> 00:09:09,835 Well, I guess you had to be there. 190 00:09:09,902 --> 00:09:12,503 So, uh, how's puerto rico? 191 00:09:16,242 --> 00:09:17,609 Costa rica. 192 00:09:19,579 --> 00:09:21,880 Then, I guess you didn't get my letters. 193 00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:26,418 Oh, you know what we should do? 194 00:09:26,486 --> 00:09:28,052 We should turn the lights out tonight 195 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,155 At the same time, so dad thinks he's blown a circuit. 196 00:09:30,222 --> 00:09:33,392 Oh, yeah. That would get him back for making us spy on al. 197 00:09:33,459 --> 00:09:34,860 Yeah. 198 00:09:34,928 --> 00:09:36,929 Hey, guys, where's my good sports coat? 199 00:09:36,997 --> 00:09:38,730 I need it for church tonight. 200 00:09:38,798 --> 00:09:40,732 I think it's over there. 201 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,834 Uh, it's a little wrinkled. 202 00:09:45,337 --> 00:09:46,638 A little wrinkled? 203 00:09:46,706 --> 00:09:49,007 It looks like the oldest lady in our village. 204 00:09:52,378 --> 00:09:54,413 Wipe your feet off, everybody. 205 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,815 Oh, that was a wonderful service. 206 00:09:57,883 --> 00:10:00,452 What did everybody think about the sermon? 207 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,154 I thought it was too short. 208 00:10:02,221 --> 00:10:05,323 I could have used another half hour. 209 00:10:05,391 --> 00:10:08,393 You were gone during the sermon. Where were you? 210 00:10:08,461 --> 00:10:11,797 Uh, I was in the sacristy, having a moment of private prayer. 211 00:10:11,864 --> 00:10:13,631 Oh. 212 00:10:13,699 --> 00:10:16,435 Did you pray for a chili cheese dog? 213 00:10:19,506 --> 00:10:22,140 My prayers were answered. 214 00:10:22,208 --> 00:10:23,775 Hey, everybody, gather around the tree. 215 00:10:23,843 --> 00:10:25,744 It's christmas eve. We get to open a present. 216 00:10:25,845 --> 00:10:27,712 All right! Oh, here. Open mine. 217 00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:29,447 I got everyone something really special. 218 00:10:29,515 --> 00:10:30,949 Do you mind if the girls open theirs first? 219 00:10:31,017 --> 00:10:32,784 I promised them they could do that. No, that's fine. 220 00:10:32,852 --> 00:10:33,919 All right. All right, girls. 221 00:10:33,987 --> 00:10:35,354 And then off to bed. 222 00:10:36,956 --> 00:10:38,590 Toolboxes? 223 00:10:38,657 --> 00:10:40,092 Cool. 224 00:10:40,159 --> 00:10:42,360 They're from the little miss binford collection. 225 00:10:42,428 --> 00:10:43,595 Thanks, uncle tim. 226 00:10:43,663 --> 00:10:45,530 Ah, merry christmas, you guys. 227 00:10:45,832 --> 00:10:47,398 Okay, okay, off to bed. 228 00:10:47,466 --> 00:10:49,267 I don't want to go to bed. 229 00:10:49,335 --> 00:10:51,770 Can I bring my toolbox? 230 00:10:51,837 --> 00:10:53,271 No, no, no. You take them upstairs, 231 00:10:53,339 --> 00:10:54,939 You'll start hitting each other in the head. 232 00:10:55,007 --> 00:10:56,908 Save that for christmas morning. 233 00:10:56,976 --> 00:10:59,611 Can aunt jill read us a bedtime story? 234 00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:01,046 Oh, I can do even better than that. 235 00:11:01,113 --> 00:11:03,849 I can tell you a story about christmas when I was a little girl. 236 00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:05,250 No, thank you. 237 00:11:08,354 --> 00:11:11,022 They get smarter every year. Don't wait for me. 238 00:11:11,090 --> 00:11:13,191 Be up in a minute! 239 00:11:13,259 --> 00:11:16,694 (sighs) it's a pity those poor girls can't have their whole family together. 240 00:11:16,762 --> 00:11:19,197 Oh, ma, please. Don't start. 241 00:11:19,265 --> 00:11:20,999 Don't use that tone with mother. 242 00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:22,767 There was no tone. 243 00:11:22,835 --> 00:11:24,169 Tone. There was no tone! 244 00:11:24,237 --> 00:11:25,637 Tim, what do you think? 245 00:11:25,704 --> 00:11:27,205 I think all these wrenches are metric. 246 00:11:29,475 --> 00:11:31,709 All I'm saying, marty, is that it's a shame 247 00:11:31,777 --> 00:11:35,013 That you couldn't have worked something out, at least for the holidays. 248 00:11:35,081 --> 00:11:36,548 Right, tim? 249 00:11:36,616 --> 00:11:38,783 I wonder how big my head is in metric? 250 00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:42,454 Look, nancy's the one who's being impossible. 251 00:11:42,522 --> 00:11:44,088 And there's nothing I can do about that. 252 00:11:44,157 --> 00:11:46,258 And so, to compensate for your inadequacy, 253 00:11:46,325 --> 00:11:49,093 You lash out at the woman who gave you life. 254 00:11:49,162 --> 00:11:50,328 You should be ashamed. 255 00:11:50,396 --> 00:11:51,496 Shouldn't he, tim? Huh? 256 00:11:53,599 --> 00:11:56,835 That's one sizable melon. Look at that baby, huh? 257 00:11:56,903 --> 00:11:58,770 Look, guys, why don't we just open up some more gifts, huh? 258 00:11:58,838 --> 00:11:59,938 Tim: There's a good idea. Yeah. 259 00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:01,272 Here, open mine. 260 00:12:02,174 --> 00:12:03,241 Look at this. 261 00:12:03,309 --> 00:12:05,477 It's to "mom, dad, brad, mark, 262 00:12:05,544 --> 00:12:08,179 "uncle marty, uncle jeff and grandma." 263 00:12:08,247 --> 00:12:10,882 Lot of people to be fitting in a little box like that. 264 00:12:10,950 --> 00:12:12,450 Dehydrated sea monkeys? 265 00:12:16,222 --> 00:12:17,222 Okay. 266 00:12:17,957 --> 00:12:20,892 Cards. And on the card, 267 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:25,030 "a tree in cabo blanco rainforest is being protected in your name." 268 00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:27,565 So later on, we can go down and cut it down, huh? 269 00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:31,169 Great gift. 270 00:12:31,237 --> 00:12:33,004 You know, uncle marty, I only put your name on the card 271 00:12:33,072 --> 00:12:34,239 Instead of yours and nancy's. 272 00:12:34,307 --> 00:12:35,707 I hope that's all right. 273 00:12:35,775 --> 00:12:38,110 Nancy might get the house, but you hang on to that tree. 274 00:12:41,447 --> 00:12:42,480 Oh! 275 00:12:42,548 --> 00:12:44,282 Those poor, poor girls. 276 00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:46,017 Mom, stop. 277 00:12:46,085 --> 00:12:47,519 It's my fault. I shouldn't have brought it up. 278 00:12:47,587 --> 00:12:50,154 It's nobody's fault. Come on. Let's open some more gifts. 279 00:12:50,223 --> 00:12:51,723 What about that? Yeah. Open ours. 280 00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,524 All right, cool. 281 00:12:53,660 --> 00:12:57,529 Yo, randy. Mark and I went in just the two of us 'cause you weren't here. 282 00:12:57,463 --> 00:13:00,532 You guys went all out on the wrapping paper again, didn't you? 283 00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:03,668 A chasing light set. This is great. 284 00:13:03,736 --> 00:13:05,403 Yeah, for the manger on the roof. 285 00:13:05,471 --> 00:13:07,539 However, there's no lights in the box. 286 00:13:07,574 --> 00:13:09,208 That's because they're already up there. 287 00:13:09,275 --> 00:13:10,675 No way! 288 00:13:10,743 --> 00:13:12,744 You turn those babies on, it's gonna be a disco inferno. 289 00:13:12,811 --> 00:13:15,280 Silent night fever! I like it. 290 00:13:15,348 --> 00:13:17,115 I'm gonna go check it out. Come on! 291 00:13:17,183 --> 00:13:18,583 You guys want to come out and check out the lights? 292 00:13:18,650 --> 00:13:20,785 Tim: Come on. Come on, everybody. Come on, mom. 293 00:13:20,853 --> 00:13:22,553 Very nice. 294 00:13:34,466 --> 00:13:36,168 If I'm gentle with this harpoon, 295 00:13:36,235 --> 00:13:38,036 I think I can save the buttocks. 296 00:13:40,472 --> 00:13:44,275 What kind of sick individual would do this to santa's little helper? 297 00:13:50,049 --> 00:13:52,183 Just a scosh to the right, balthazar. 298 00:13:57,523 --> 00:13:58,890 Merry christmas, mom. 299 00:13:58,958 --> 00:14:00,492 Merry christmas, honey. 300 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,927 You want some coffee? Yeah. 301 00:14:02,995 --> 00:14:05,497 Gosh, I'm so glad you came up early. 302 00:14:05,565 --> 00:14:08,000 We've hardly had a chance to talk. 303 00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:09,134 Yeah, I know. 304 00:14:09,202 --> 00:14:11,603 Things have been a little crazy around here. 305 00:14:12,504 --> 00:14:14,839 So what's going on with you? 306 00:14:14,774 --> 00:14:16,574 Well, you know, a lot of things. 307 00:14:16,642 --> 00:14:18,343 I'm working on this new program... 308 00:14:18,411 --> 00:14:20,278 It's christmas! Let's open presents! 309 00:14:20,346 --> 00:14:22,547 Only yours. Nobody else's. 310 00:14:22,615 --> 00:14:24,382 Good morning. Merry christmas, etcetera... 311 00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:26,050 Jill: Good morning. Merry christmas. 312 00:14:26,118 --> 00:14:29,521 So, anyway, this program is where we take these trees and we... 313 00:14:29,588 --> 00:14:31,490 Okay. Merry christmas! Merry christmas. 314 00:14:31,557 --> 00:14:34,025 Marty: Hey! Jill: Merry christmas! 315 00:14:34,092 --> 00:14:35,560 Hey, the girls want to open presents. 316 00:14:35,628 --> 00:14:37,595 Oh, those blue packages are from me. 317 00:14:37,664 --> 00:14:38,730 Yeah. And me. 318 00:14:38,798 --> 00:14:40,231 What'd you get them? 319 00:14:40,299 --> 00:14:41,967 Uh, I'll let you know in a minute. 320 00:14:44,737 --> 00:14:47,072 I hope you didn't let your mom buy carrie's present. 321 00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:49,874 No. I buy the presents for my girlfriend. 322 00:14:49,942 --> 00:14:52,977 Besides, I wouldn't want mom walking into that kind of store. 323 00:14:54,947 --> 00:14:56,481 Come on, aunt jill. 324 00:14:56,549 --> 00:14:59,017 Oh, they don't want to open presents without you. 325 00:14:59,085 --> 00:15:01,553 It's all right. We'll talk later. All right. 326 00:15:04,223 --> 00:15:06,858 You'd think a santa that big would be easier to hit. 327 00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:11,263 Al's gonna blow you out of this competition, isn't he? 328 00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:14,966 Perhaps, if he wants to get all competitive about it. 329 00:15:15,034 --> 00:15:18,203 But for me, christmas is more of a religious holiday, marty. 330 00:15:23,809 --> 00:15:27,044 (speaking spanish) 331 00:15:42,295 --> 00:15:43,795 (laughing) 332 00:15:43,863 --> 00:15:47,933 No, no, no. I'm roasting chestnuts on an open fire. 333 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:52,103 And might I wish you a merry christmas, randy? 334 00:15:52,171 --> 00:15:55,606 Well, wilson, you can wish all you want, it won't make it come true. 335 00:15:56,342 --> 00:15:57,976 Noel not going so well? 336 00:15:58,043 --> 00:16:00,177 No. 337 00:16:00,245 --> 00:16:03,347 I had this great picture of what it would be like coming home for christmas, 338 00:16:03,416 --> 00:16:04,749 Mmm-hmm. 339 00:16:04,817 --> 00:16:06,984 So far it hasn't been like that at all. 340 00:16:07,052 --> 00:16:08,487 Well, things are bound to be different 341 00:16:08,554 --> 00:16:10,789 With marty and the twins living in the house. 342 00:16:10,623 --> 00:16:12,357 It's not that. 343 00:16:12,424 --> 00:16:15,426 It's just ever since I got home, I just feel like I don't fit anymore. 344 00:16:15,494 --> 00:16:16,927 In what way? 345 00:16:16,995 --> 00:16:19,397 You know, everyone's so busy doing their own thing. 346 00:16:19,465 --> 00:16:21,766 I mean, no one cares about what's going on with me. 347 00:16:21,833 --> 00:16:24,335 Every time I say something, they look at me like I'm from mars. 348 00:16:24,403 --> 00:16:25,736 Ah, been there. 349 00:16:29,608 --> 00:16:33,444 I guess it's like thomas wolfe wrote, you can't go home again. 350 00:16:33,512 --> 00:16:34,912 Well, that's very good, randy, 351 00:16:34,980 --> 00:16:37,649 But frank baum wrote, "there's no place like home." 352 00:16:39,251 --> 00:16:40,985 What do you think? 353 00:16:41,053 --> 00:16:42,753 Well, I think you can go home again 354 00:16:42,821 --> 00:16:46,357 As long as you realize you may not be coming home to the same home. 355 00:16:46,425 --> 00:16:48,660 Yeah, I mean, that makes sense. Uh-huh. 356 00:16:48,727 --> 00:16:51,729 I mean, why did I think time would just stand still? 357 00:16:51,797 --> 00:16:53,798 You know, I've often wondered the same thing. 358 00:16:53,866 --> 00:16:55,267 I've got a machine down in my basement 359 00:16:55,334 --> 00:16:58,670 That can slow it down, but I just can't make it stop! 360 00:17:01,974 --> 00:17:05,176 Wilson, why did I even want things to stay the same? 361 00:17:04,977 --> 00:17:07,245 Well, randy, as you venture out on your own, 362 00:17:07,312 --> 00:17:09,247 It's only natural for you to want home to be 363 00:17:09,314 --> 00:17:11,616 The same secure place that you left behind. 364 00:17:11,684 --> 00:17:14,385 Wilson, I just want someone to notice that I'm here. 365 00:17:14,453 --> 00:17:16,320 You know, I could go all the way back to costa rica 366 00:17:16,388 --> 00:17:18,489 Without ever getting a chance to talk to my mom and dad. 367 00:17:18,557 --> 00:17:21,325 Well, you can't let that happen, now. You have to find an opening. 368 00:17:21,393 --> 00:17:24,996 Let your voice be heard. Sing, "hallelujah!" 369 00:17:25,064 --> 00:17:26,598 Go tell it on the mountain! 370 00:17:26,665 --> 00:17:28,399 Blow your trumpet, gabriel! 371 00:17:28,467 --> 00:17:29,934 Remember the alamo! 372 00:17:30,001 --> 00:17:32,003 Wilson? I get the point. Huh? 373 00:17:33,706 --> 00:17:35,640 Thanks. Right. 374 00:17:35,707 --> 00:17:37,642 And, randy, thank you for buying me that tree in costa rica. 375 00:17:37,709 --> 00:17:39,477 Oh, you like it? Oh, I love it. 376 00:17:39,545 --> 00:17:42,213 I can hardly wait to go down there and climb it. 377 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,781 Well, you might want to wait awhile. Hmm? 378 00:17:43,849 --> 00:17:45,449 It's only three inches tall. 379 00:17:46,786 --> 00:17:47,819 (crashing) tim: Heads up. 380 00:17:52,091 --> 00:17:53,391 I got it, dad! 381 00:17:55,361 --> 00:17:56,894 What were you talking to wilson about? 382 00:17:56,962 --> 00:17:58,129 His nuts. 383 00:18:01,433 --> 00:18:03,701 Well, it looks like one of your guys went awol. 384 00:18:03,769 --> 00:18:05,437 Second time today. 385 00:18:05,504 --> 00:18:07,605 You working for borland? Answer me, soldier! 386 00:18:10,809 --> 00:18:12,477 So anything I can help with? 387 00:18:12,545 --> 00:18:13,712 Yeah, yeah. 388 00:18:13,779 --> 00:18:16,314 Fuse went out on one of santa's little bodyguards. 389 00:18:16,382 --> 00:18:18,583 You gotta go in through his armpit there. 390 00:18:19,752 --> 00:18:21,218 There you go. 391 00:18:21,354 --> 00:18:23,588 So tell me a little bit about costa rica. 392 00:18:23,389 --> 00:18:24,956 Well, it's cool. 393 00:18:25,024 --> 00:18:26,324 Come on, "it's cool." give me more information than that. 394 00:18:26,392 --> 00:18:27,692 Do you still like living with that family? 395 00:18:27,759 --> 00:18:29,094 Yeah. 396 00:18:29,161 --> 00:18:31,729 You know, it's a little weird living with a strange family, 397 00:18:31,797 --> 00:18:34,665 But, you know, it helps that I come from a strange family. 398 00:18:35,768 --> 00:18:36,701 Hi, guys. 399 00:18:36,769 --> 00:18:37,869 Hey, honey. Watch your step there. 400 00:18:37,936 --> 00:18:41,306 Okay. I brought up some hot chocolate for you. 401 00:18:41,373 --> 00:18:43,808 Remember that time that we went camping 402 00:18:43,876 --> 00:18:46,978 And I made it with melted candy bars and toothpaste? 403 00:18:47,046 --> 00:18:49,514 I didn't make it that way. 404 00:18:49,581 --> 00:18:51,816 So what are you guys doing? 405 00:18:51,884 --> 00:18:53,250 We're talking about costa rica. 406 00:18:53,318 --> 00:18:55,219 Yeah? So? 407 00:18:55,287 --> 00:18:56,588 You still love it there, honey? 408 00:18:56,655 --> 00:18:58,590 Yeah. It's great. 409 00:18:58,657 --> 00:18:59,724 It's just kind of funny, you know. 410 00:18:59,792 --> 00:19:02,060 Every time lauren and I get together, 411 00:19:02,128 --> 00:19:03,694 All we seem to talk about is home. 412 00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:06,264 You probably miss tool time. 413 00:19:07,633 --> 00:19:09,434 You know, I miss my friends. 414 00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,870 I miss writing for the school paper. 415 00:19:11,937 --> 00:19:14,873 I miss arnold schwarzenegger movies in english. 416 00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:16,207 (grunts) 417 00:19:16,275 --> 00:19:19,076 How do they say "hasta la vista, baby" in spanish? 418 00:19:23,682 --> 00:19:25,350 (chuckling) 419 00:19:25,418 --> 00:19:28,719 You know what I also miss? That chinese-food place we used to go to. 420 00:19:28,787 --> 00:19:29,787 What was that? Fu wong's? 421 00:19:29,855 --> 00:19:31,523 Yeah. Fu wong's. 422 00:19:31,590 --> 00:19:33,191 Fu wong's closed. That's right. 423 00:19:33,258 --> 00:19:35,893 What's it now? It's tanaka's sushi and live bait. 424 00:19:40,832 --> 00:19:42,133 Good. 425 00:19:49,074 --> 00:19:52,209 Gosh, you know, home is definitely not the same home. 426 00:19:52,078 --> 00:19:54,478 Come on. Things haven't changed that much. 427 00:19:54,413 --> 00:19:55,680 Dad, come on. 428 00:19:55,747 --> 00:19:56,848 Things have definitely changed. 429 00:19:56,915 --> 00:19:58,549 I mean, tanaka? 430 00:19:58,617 --> 00:20:00,785 You know, we've got three new people living in the house. 431 00:20:00,853 --> 00:20:02,820 Mark's, like, five inches taller. 432 00:20:02,888 --> 00:20:04,822 Brad and him are actually getting along. 433 00:20:04,890 --> 00:20:07,359 I just feel like a guest at a hotel. 434 00:20:07,426 --> 00:20:08,859 With armed bellhops. 435 00:20:12,464 --> 00:20:14,232 You feel like an outsider at this house now? 436 00:20:14,299 --> 00:20:16,567 Well, we haven't been much help, you know. 437 00:20:16,635 --> 00:20:18,502 We've hardly spent any time with him. 438 00:20:18,570 --> 00:20:20,204 It's not your fault. 439 00:20:20,272 --> 00:20:22,473 You guys are just getting on with your lives, 440 00:20:22,541 --> 00:20:24,342 And I'm having trouble keeping in step. 441 00:20:24,409 --> 00:20:26,978 Well, randy, regardless of who's living in your room, 442 00:20:27,045 --> 00:20:29,848 Or what's growing in there, 443 00:20:32,451 --> 00:20:34,518 This is always gonna be your home. 444 00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:37,255 Thanks, mom. 445 00:20:37,322 --> 00:20:39,123 I guess since your dad and I are living here 446 00:20:39,191 --> 00:20:42,226 In the middle of all these changes, we haven't even noticed half of them. 447 00:20:42,894 --> 00:20:44,295 (screaming) 448 00:20:47,066 --> 00:20:48,399 Tim: It's okay. 449 00:20:48,467 --> 00:20:50,568 The ground seems to have broken my fall. 450 00:20:56,408 --> 00:20:58,876 Then again, some things never change. 451 00:21:12,758 --> 00:21:15,593 Wow, what an awesome lighting display. 452 00:21:15,661 --> 00:21:18,496 Yeah. Those figures look so lifelike. 453 00:21:18,563 --> 00:21:20,598 At least now we know why al won. 454 00:21:20,666 --> 00:21:24,035 Yeah, it's amazing what a little blood, sweat and 10 grand will do. 455 00:21:25,971 --> 00:21:27,872 Maybe next year, honey. 456 00:21:30,942 --> 00:21:32,543 Oh, they're gone. 457 00:21:32,611 --> 00:21:34,145 Now can we get down from here? 458 00:21:34,213 --> 00:21:35,779 Yeah, I think so. 459 00:21:35,847 --> 00:21:40,118 Oh, no. My feet are frozen to the roof. Help me, al. 460 00:21:40,185 --> 00:21:42,153 I can't. I'm stuck in the chimney. 461 00:21:42,221 --> 00:21:43,921 What are we gonna do? 462 00:21:45,557 --> 00:21:47,024 Help! Help! 463 00:21:47,092 --> 00:21:48,626 Help! Help! 464 00:21:48,694 --> 00:21:50,294 Over here! 465 00:21:53,699 --> 00:21:55,065 You know what I also miss? 466 00:21:55,134 --> 00:21:57,235 That chinese restaurant we used to go to. 467 00:21:57,302 --> 00:21:58,970 Fong wu's? Yeah. 468 00:21:58,804 --> 00:22:00,037 Fong wu's closed. 469 00:22:00,105 --> 00:22:01,272 Now it's achmed's... 470 00:22:05,978 --> 00:22:07,312 They closed. 471 00:22:07,179 --> 00:22:09,847 Now it's achmed's falafel and discount cigarettes. 472 00:22:14,587 --> 00:22:16,354 I'm trying so hard.