1
00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:05,291
Hey, guys.
Got the hot rod outside.
Want to go for a ride?
2
00:00:05,358 --> 00:00:07,426
We'll scare some
student drivers, huh?
3
00:00:08,495 --> 00:00:09,695
No, that's okay.
Go ahead.
4
00:00:09,762 --> 00:00:11,763
No! Student drivers!
Get up behind them.
5
00:00:11,831 --> 00:00:13,232
(imitates honking)
6
00:00:15,469 --> 00:00:16,768
What's the matter?
7
00:00:16,836 --> 00:00:18,337
Tell him, harry.
8
00:00:20,007 --> 00:00:21,507
I can't.
9
00:00:21,574 --> 00:00:23,609
I mean,
look at that face.
10
00:00:24,544 --> 00:00:26,245
Poor guy's got no clue.
11
00:00:30,517 --> 00:00:32,118
I've never had a clue.
12
00:00:33,287 --> 00:00:35,354
Come on, guys.
What's going on?
13
00:00:35,422 --> 00:00:37,523
Harry's selling
the hardware store.
14
00:00:37,591 --> 00:00:40,626
Oh, quick!
Get a chair!
15
00:00:44,364 --> 00:00:47,533
Sorry. Where was I?
16
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,336
I thought for a minute
I heard you say you were
selling the hardware store.
17
00:00:50,404 --> 00:00:54,340
He is. I've been totally
useless ever since
I heard the news.
18
00:00:56,776 --> 00:00:58,810
And for 40 years
before that.
19
00:01:00,180 --> 00:01:02,714
Harry, why all
of a sudden?
20
00:01:02,782 --> 00:01:04,983
Dolores.
21
00:01:05,051 --> 00:01:06,618
Her asthma's
acting up again?
22
00:01:06,686 --> 00:01:10,323
Oh, yeah. She wants to move
to a warmer climate.
23
00:01:10,390 --> 00:01:11,924
Yeah. They're moving
to tucson.
24
00:01:11,991 --> 00:01:13,593
That's in arizona.
25
00:01:18,798 --> 00:01:22,101
Tucson is plan a.
Plan b is we stop
at a gas station,
26
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:25,872
She goes in to
powder her nose,
and I burn rubber for vegas.
27
00:01:27,507 --> 00:01:30,543
You can't just leave
your wife in the middle
of nowhere.
28
00:01:30,610 --> 00:01:33,479
If we're meant
to be together,
she'll find me.
29
00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:36,982
Wait, wait, wait.
30
00:01:37,050 --> 00:01:38,784
You own 20% of the hardware
store. Why don't you just
buy the rest of it?
31
00:01:38,852 --> 00:01:40,686
I wish.
But I don't have
that kind of money.
32
00:01:40,754 --> 00:01:41,821
Unless you want
to give me a raise.
33
00:01:41,888 --> 00:01:43,655
I don't think so.
34
00:01:43,723 --> 00:01:45,391
Well, you got
a rich girlfriend.
Trudy!
35
00:01:45,425 --> 00:01:46,826
I can't ask trudy.
36
00:01:46,893 --> 00:01:49,728
I mean, if I let her buy
the hardware store for me,
37
00:01:49,796 --> 00:01:53,131
I'd feel like I was taking
money for sexual favors.
38
00:01:55,102 --> 00:01:56,969
Wow, I didn't realize
harry's retirement
39
00:01:57,037 --> 00:02:00,405
Could send you spiraling
into a life of prostitution.
40
00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:03,008
Can I speak to
you privately?
41
00:02:03,075 --> 00:02:04,142
Yeah.
42
00:02:07,146 --> 00:02:08,681
This could be
a great opportunity.
43
00:02:08,748 --> 00:02:10,816
Listen to me.
You could buy the place.
44
00:02:10,883 --> 00:02:12,451
Get a bank loan.
I'll co-sign for you.
45
00:02:12,519 --> 00:02:13,618
It's not just the money.
46
00:02:13,686 --> 00:02:15,821
There's a lot of things
going on in my life right now.
47
00:02:15,889 --> 00:02:17,422
Like what?
48
00:02:17,490 --> 00:02:19,258
Promoted to head
bingo caller?
49
00:02:20,894 --> 00:02:23,396
I wish!
50
00:02:23,463 --> 00:02:27,033
No. The fact is that
trudy and I are getting
pretty serious.
51
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:32,037
And there might be
some major expenses
coming up in my life.
52
00:02:32,105 --> 00:02:33,806
Don't tell anyone!
You know, even jill.
53
00:02:33,874 --> 00:02:37,443
But I'm thinking of making
her the next mrs. Borland.
54
00:02:38,545 --> 00:02:42,014
You want her to
be your mother?
55
00:02:42,148 --> 00:02:44,316
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
It's good news.
It's good news.
56
00:02:44,384 --> 00:02:46,185
But now we really gotta
find a buyer for this place.
57
00:02:46,220 --> 00:02:47,920
And I will do
whatever it takes.
58
00:02:47,987 --> 00:02:51,423
Harry, have you had anybody
put a bid in on it or
anything like that?
59
00:02:51,491 --> 00:02:53,859
Yeah. A nail salon.
60
00:02:55,828 --> 00:02:58,597
A nail salon?
This is the work of satan.
61
00:02:59,932 --> 00:03:01,400
I can't believe it!
62
00:03:01,468 --> 00:03:04,036
Our store is being
turned over to
a bunch of women
63
00:03:04,103 --> 00:03:06,872
Who sit on their
cans and yak all day!
64
00:04:04,130 --> 00:04:07,799
Why do you have a brochure
for a motel in florida?
65
00:04:07,868 --> 00:04:10,769
'cause a bunch of kids
and I are going down
there for spring break.
66
00:04:10,837 --> 00:04:13,105
It's gonna be a week
with no parents,
no chaperones
67
00:04:13,173 --> 00:04:15,374
And no tops
in the jacuzzi.
68
00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:20,446
And how did you
get mom and dad
to agree to this?
69
00:04:20,513 --> 00:04:23,682
Well, that's one detail
I haven't quite figured out.
70
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:26,118
But I've got a plan.
71
00:04:26,186 --> 00:04:27,619
Hi, guys.
How's it going?
72
00:04:27,687 --> 00:04:30,088
You know, it's interesting
you should ask, mom.
73
00:04:30,156 --> 00:04:31,857
While many young
americans are busy
74
00:04:31,924 --> 00:04:34,026
Frittering away their
lives with sex and drugs,
75
00:04:34,094 --> 00:04:38,730
I have remained dedicated
to my studies and
athletic pursuits.
76
00:04:38,565 --> 00:04:41,199
You're not going to
florida on spring break.
77
00:04:43,503 --> 00:04:45,170
How does she
know these things?
78
00:04:45,238 --> 00:04:47,172
Your travel agent called.
79
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,677
Oh, man!
80
00:04:51,744 --> 00:04:54,179
Guess what?
Harry is selling
the hardware store.
81
00:04:54,247 --> 00:04:56,281
We're gonna save
a lot of money.
82
00:04:59,218 --> 00:05:01,487
Hey, now I can
actually go to college.
83
00:05:01,688 --> 00:05:03,355
(jill laughing)
84
00:05:03,423 --> 00:05:05,557
Oh, come on! Harry's
always threatening to
sell the store.
85
00:05:05,625 --> 00:05:08,660
This time it's for real.
Dolores's asthma
is really acting up
86
00:05:08,728 --> 00:05:10,662
And so they're
gonna move to tucson.
87
00:05:10,497 --> 00:05:12,164
It's in arizona.
88
00:05:13,433 --> 00:05:15,200
Well, that really is awful.
89
00:05:15,268 --> 00:05:16,635
What's awful is
now I have to buy
all my hardware
90
00:05:16,703 --> 00:05:18,570
At one of those
big chain stores.
91
00:05:18,638 --> 00:05:21,974
Or you could be happy
with the tools you have.
92
00:05:22,042 --> 00:05:23,976
Fat chance of that.
93
00:05:24,044 --> 00:05:25,878
This is a disturbing
trend, though.
94
00:05:25,946 --> 00:05:29,215
This signals the demise
of american small business.
95
00:05:29,249 --> 00:05:32,951
I know. My favorite book
store was bought out by one
of those big chains.
96
00:05:33,019 --> 00:05:34,686
Now it's so sterile
when you go there.
97
00:05:34,754 --> 00:05:38,090
I used to love
to just be there
for hours and browse.
98
00:05:38,158 --> 00:05:39,492
Well, maybe if you'd
bought something,
99
00:05:39,559 --> 00:05:42,728
They wouldn't be
going out of business.
100
00:05:42,795 --> 00:05:46,899
Well, there's got to be
someone who'd be interested
in taking it over.
101
00:05:48,101 --> 00:05:50,202
Other than you.
102
00:05:50,270 --> 00:05:52,004
Give me one reason
why I shouldn't buy
the hardware store.
103
00:05:52,105 --> 00:05:53,939
We have three kids
who have to go to college.
104
00:05:53,973 --> 00:05:55,741
I said one reason.
105
00:05:57,743 --> 00:06:00,612
Come on, tim.
There's gotta be
another buyer out there.
106
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,849
You're a great salesman.
You should be
able to find someone.
107
00:06:05,618 --> 00:06:09,955
When we were selling tools,
we used to have
these big parties
108
00:06:10,023 --> 00:06:12,324
To soften up
potential buyers.
109
00:06:12,391 --> 00:06:13,993
Did it work?
You bet!
110
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:16,461
Wild time.
A lot of brown liquor,
sexy women.
111
00:06:16,529 --> 00:06:18,030
(whooping)
112
00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:23,568
I just hated those times.
113
00:06:26,773 --> 00:06:28,173
Tim, this is great!
114
00:06:28,241 --> 00:06:29,975
Unbelievable!
I'm so excited.
115
00:06:30,043 --> 00:06:32,477
All these people are
interested in buying
the hardware store!
116
00:06:32,545 --> 00:06:33,712
(babbling)
117
00:06:35,181 --> 00:06:38,851
They all think they're here
for a free meal, all right?
118
00:06:40,519 --> 00:06:41,920
Hey, rock,
what are you drinking?
119
00:06:41,988 --> 00:06:43,722
What am I not drinking?
120
00:06:43,790 --> 00:06:46,424
Hey, tim. Thank you.
This is really nice.
121
00:06:46,492 --> 00:06:48,326
Usually, when people invite
me over to their house,
122
00:06:48,394 --> 00:06:52,330
It's because they want
to sell me something.
123
00:06:52,398 --> 00:06:54,566
Oh, the weasels. Here.
Let me top that off for you.
124
00:06:54,634 --> 00:06:55,867
Thank you, tim.
125
00:06:55,935 --> 00:06:57,436
Dolores, we're really
gonna miss you.
126
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,004
Yes, we are.
127
00:06:59,071 --> 00:07:00,773
I've ignored my
asthma for years.
128
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:03,676
It just keeps getting
worse and worse.
129
00:07:10,550 --> 00:07:13,585
Oh, I forgot.
Cigar smoke bothers you.
130
00:07:17,156 --> 00:07:20,526
You light that, harry,
you're sleeping
alone tonight.
131
00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:30,936
Hey, your old ball
and chain's looking hot.
She's a real tomato.
132
00:07:31,004 --> 00:07:32,104
Yeah.
133
00:07:32,171 --> 00:07:34,206
I'm a lucky man, eddie.
Yeah.
134
00:07:34,274 --> 00:07:37,276
Hey, jill?
Why don't you go flirt
with eddie a little bit?
135
00:07:39,945 --> 00:07:41,180
Are you insane?
136
00:07:41,247 --> 00:07:42,847
I'm not asking
you to do anything.
137
00:07:42,915 --> 00:07:44,349
And your call.
138
00:07:47,787 --> 00:07:49,822
I think it's time for
you to tell everybody
why they're here.
139
00:07:49,889 --> 00:07:54,392
All right. Okay, everybody,
gather up. Yeah. All right.
140
00:07:54,460 --> 00:07:57,129
I want to say how happy
I am that you all
joined us here tonight.
141
00:07:57,197 --> 00:07:59,031
We are here
to celebrate.
142
00:07:59,098 --> 00:08:00,666
Celebrate what, tim?
143
00:08:00,733 --> 00:08:02,267
America!
144
00:08:02,902 --> 00:08:04,303
America, yeah.
145
00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:08,139
Hey, if you're organizing
a secret militia,
timmy, count me in.
146
00:08:09,975 --> 00:08:13,912
No. I'm here to try
to save a small business.
147
00:08:13,979 --> 00:08:17,516
Ladies and gentlemen,
harry's hardware is
going out of business.
148
00:08:17,583 --> 00:08:19,651
Oh, no. When did
that happen?
149
00:08:19,719 --> 00:08:21,854
I've been taken
over by a nail salon
150
00:08:21,921 --> 00:08:23,922
And forced to live
in the desert with my wife.
151
00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:25,857
Oh, no!
152
00:08:27,126 --> 00:08:29,294
And now we'll all have
to buy our hardware
153
00:08:29,362 --> 00:08:31,397
At one of those
big faceless chains
154
00:08:31,464 --> 00:08:33,599
Instead of a friendly
place like harry's.
155
00:08:34,434 --> 00:08:36,435
I got you.
156
00:08:36,503 --> 00:08:39,237
We're calling
our unit "harry's."
157
00:08:39,305 --> 00:08:41,607
I know where
we can get guns.
158
00:08:43,009 --> 00:08:46,044
Now, come on, everybody.
159
00:08:46,112 --> 00:08:49,548
Don't you... We don't
want to lose our
hardware store now, do we?
160
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,283
All: No!
161
00:08:51,351 --> 00:08:52,451
We're not just
gonna stand here and let
this happen, are we?
162
00:08:52,518 --> 00:08:54,152
All: No!
Al: No, we're not!
163
00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:55,854
So, who's gonna step
up and buy this
harry's hardware?
164
00:08:55,921 --> 00:08:56,955
Tim: Yeah!
165
00:08:57,023 --> 00:08:58,023
What?
166
00:08:58,091 --> 00:09:00,425
Anybody?
167
00:09:00,492 --> 00:09:03,228
Tim, look,
we all love
to shop there.
168
00:09:03,296 --> 00:09:05,630
But it just
doesn't make sense
to buy the place.
169
00:09:05,698 --> 00:09:08,533
Look, you can't compete
with the large discount
stores.
170
00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:10,702
It's a great opportunity.
Harry's has a good location.
171
00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:12,404
He's an institution
in this town.
172
00:09:12,471 --> 00:09:13,672
Then, how come
you don't buy it?
173
00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,074
Yeah! How come
you don't buy it?
174
00:09:15,108 --> 00:09:16,608
I think the tool
man is afraid
175
00:09:16,676 --> 00:09:18,243
To put his money
where his mouth is!
176
00:09:18,311 --> 00:09:19,378
I am not afraid!
177
00:09:19,446 --> 00:09:20,812
Then prove it!
Come on, timmy.
178
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:21,913
Prove it!
179
00:09:21,982 --> 00:09:23,415
I don't have to prove it.
Prove what?
180
00:09:23,483 --> 00:09:24,916
Prove it! Prove it!
All right!
I'll buy the place!
181
00:09:24,985 --> 00:09:26,318
All: Yeah!
182
00:09:35,261 --> 00:09:37,896
I think it's great
you're buying the
hardware store, tim.
183
00:09:37,963 --> 00:09:40,031
Hey, congratulations, jill.
184
00:09:42,969 --> 00:09:44,135
We gotta talk.
185
00:09:44,203 --> 00:09:45,971
We're at a party.
Not now.
186
00:09:46,039 --> 00:09:46,938
We have talked
about this already.
187
00:09:47,006 --> 00:09:48,740
There's no way that
you can buy a business.
188
00:09:48,808 --> 00:09:50,242
We don't know that.
189
00:09:50,309 --> 00:09:51,476
I don't even know
what I paid for the place.
190
00:09:51,544 --> 00:09:52,944
Harry, what did I
pay for the place?
191
00:09:53,013 --> 00:09:54,346
Eighty thousand dollars.
192
00:09:54,413 --> 00:09:55,848
Eighty thousand dollars?
193
00:09:55,915 --> 00:09:58,784
The nail salon
talked you down to 70.
194
00:09:58,852 --> 00:10:00,218
Oh, yeah.
195
00:10:01,654 --> 00:10:04,389
Honey, we just can't
shell out that kind
of money.
196
00:10:04,457 --> 00:10:05,791
Listen, listen, listen.
197
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:08,593
What if I carried the loan?
That way you don't have to
make a down payment.
198
00:10:08,661 --> 00:10:10,361
You can make
monthly payments.
199
00:10:10,429 --> 00:10:13,031
And then if it works out,
you can give me
the rest later.
200
00:10:13,099 --> 00:10:15,333
Why didn't you make
that deal to me?
201
00:10:15,401 --> 00:10:18,303
All right. I'll offer
you the same thing.
202
00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:20,371
I'll pass.
But thanks for asking.
203
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:28,647
See? The way he puts it,
it makes it a win-win
situation for us.
204
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,415
Just try it
a couple of months.
205
00:10:30,483 --> 00:10:33,585
Then if you want to bail,
I'll sell it to
the nail salon.
206
00:10:33,653 --> 00:10:35,821
Look, why don't
you guys talk it over
207
00:10:35,889 --> 00:10:38,323
While I feed harry
something fatty and salty?
208
00:10:40,392 --> 00:10:41,860
Honey, just...
Honey, look,
even if we can make
209
00:10:41,928 --> 00:10:43,428
The monthly payments, I mean,
you've already got a job.
210
00:10:43,495 --> 00:10:44,863
How are you gonna
run a business?
211
00:10:44,931 --> 00:10:47,232
Al. Al's 20% owner.
So, he'd work part-time.
212
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:50,368
Then I'd work part-time.
And...
213
00:10:50,436 --> 00:10:53,805
Marty!
Have him work full-time.
He needs a job anyway.
214
00:10:53,872 --> 00:10:56,041
I don't know. It's still
a huge undertaking.
215
00:10:56,109 --> 00:10:57,943
I really want
to give it a shot.
216
00:10:58,010 --> 00:11:01,180
It's not for me,
it's for every guy
out there with a dream.
217
00:11:09,389 --> 00:11:13,292
I don't think every guy
out there has the same
dream, tim.
218
00:11:15,528 --> 00:11:19,164
This saw's $12
cheaper at tool mart.
Why should I buy it here?
219
00:11:19,265 --> 00:11:20,832
We deliver.
220
00:11:20,899 --> 00:11:22,201
But I'm already here.
221
00:11:24,304 --> 00:11:27,005
All right,
I'll tell you what.
I'll knock off a buck.
222
00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:29,074
A buck? You gotta
be kidding!
223
00:11:29,142 --> 00:11:31,376
Look, I got customers
waiting, you know?
224
00:11:31,444 --> 00:11:34,345
If tool mart is
so much cheaper,
go shop there.
225
00:11:34,413 --> 00:11:35,747
Good idea!
226
00:11:35,815 --> 00:11:37,783
Wait, hold it...
227
00:11:37,850 --> 00:11:39,450
Great sales
technique, marty.
228
00:11:41,921 --> 00:11:45,424
I'm sorry, tim.
I guess I'm not
a very good salesman.
229
00:11:45,491 --> 00:11:48,459
It's not just you. We haven't
done any better with al and I
behind the counter.
230
00:11:48,527 --> 00:11:49,728
I don't know
how harry does it.
231
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:52,631
I mean, it's impossible
to move merchandise
at these prices.
232
00:11:53,232 --> 00:11:54,966
I have a theory.
233
00:11:55,034 --> 00:11:57,770
Let me guess.
Harry had a better
selection of donuts.
234
00:11:59,138 --> 00:12:01,106
Yes. But that's
not my point.
235
00:12:01,174 --> 00:12:03,041
What is your
point, benny?
236
00:12:03,042 --> 00:12:05,343
Well, people had
a long-standing
relationship with harry,
237
00:12:05,411 --> 00:12:07,345
So they were
willing to pay more.
238
00:12:07,413 --> 00:12:08,914
Once harry left,
239
00:12:08,981 --> 00:12:12,484
People didn't have to feel
guilty about switching
to tool mart.
240
00:12:12,551 --> 00:12:13,918
I never thought
I'd say this.
241
00:12:13,986 --> 00:12:15,387
Benny's right.
242
00:12:17,156 --> 00:12:20,258
I know I'm right.
I bought a faucet at
tool mart this morning.
243
00:12:21,527 --> 00:12:23,428
Saved myself a bundle.
244
00:12:26,699 --> 00:12:28,433
I gotta hand it
to you, tim.
245
00:12:28,501 --> 00:12:31,536
I mean, this is the worst
investment you ever could
have made.
246
00:12:31,604 --> 00:12:34,339
Way to problem-solve, marty.
247
00:12:34,406 --> 00:12:36,341
Well, hi-ho,
tool taylors.
248
00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:38,577
Morning, wilson.
249
00:12:38,644 --> 00:12:40,211
Always nice to see
your face around here.
250
00:12:40,279 --> 00:12:41,913
Well, thank you, tim.
251
00:12:41,981 --> 00:12:44,082
What can we do
for you, wilson?
252
00:12:44,149 --> 00:12:46,318
Well, I stopped by
to buy a few things.
253
00:12:46,386 --> 00:12:48,019
Stuff's a lot
cheaper at tool mart.
254
00:12:48,087 --> 00:12:49,488
Marty!
255
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:53,357
Man, I stink at this!
256
00:12:53,425 --> 00:12:54,626
Oh, I would never
shop at tool mart.
257
00:12:54,693 --> 00:12:56,494
I'd rather spend
a little bit more
258
00:12:56,562 --> 00:12:58,763
And come down
and get personal
service from harry's.
259
00:12:58,831 --> 00:13:01,700
I wish everybody felt
the same way you feel.
260
00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:03,669
Business not going so good?
261
00:13:03,736 --> 00:13:05,303
Well, let's put it this way,
the next time you come
in here,
262
00:13:05,371 --> 00:13:07,405
You'll be getting a pedicure
and a bikini wax.
263
00:13:10,643 --> 00:13:12,910
Well, I did get
myself a new speedo.
264
00:13:15,147 --> 00:13:16,614
Wilson, we're not
making any money.
265
00:13:16,682 --> 00:13:18,750
What did harry
have that we don't?
266
00:13:18,818 --> 00:13:20,185
Well, people
trusted harry.
267
00:13:20,253 --> 00:13:22,520
He was the kind of guy
who stood behind
everything he sold.
268
00:13:22,588 --> 00:13:24,623
He'd do anything
for a customer.
269
00:13:24,691 --> 00:13:26,024
I'm that kind of guy.
270
00:13:26,092 --> 00:13:29,827
Well, I know that, tim.
But I'm not sure
everybody else does.
271
00:13:29,895 --> 00:13:32,197
Then, marty,
we gotta get the word out.
272
00:13:32,265 --> 00:13:35,500
I know!
We can print up flyers!
Then we can get on our bikes
273
00:13:35,568 --> 00:13:38,303
And we can plaster them
all over the neighborhood!
274
00:13:39,338 --> 00:13:40,538
Yippie-yi-yo-ki-yay!
275
00:13:40,606 --> 00:13:42,473
Marty! Yeah!
276
00:13:42,541 --> 00:13:43,975
And then...
Wait a minute...
277
00:13:44,043 --> 00:13:45,977
We'll sell lemonade
in the driveway!
278
00:13:46,045 --> 00:13:49,114
And put cards in our spokes
that go like this! We'll have
big lollipops!
279
00:13:49,181 --> 00:13:50,749
And then we'll
have a puppet show
280
00:13:50,816 --> 00:13:52,483
For all the rest of the kids
in the neighborhood!
281
00:13:52,551 --> 00:13:55,386
What the hell's
the matter with you?
282
00:14:05,731 --> 00:14:07,299
We did that to
prove a point.
283
00:14:07,366 --> 00:14:10,268
That in the wrong hands,
even water is flammable.
284
00:14:10,336 --> 00:14:11,636
That's right.
And we'll be right back
285
00:14:11,704 --> 00:14:13,238
After these important
commercial messages.
286
00:14:13,306 --> 00:14:15,240
(music plays)
287
00:14:20,346 --> 00:14:22,581
Hi, I'm tim taylor.
You probably know
me from tool time.
288
00:14:22,615 --> 00:14:26,351
What you probably don't know
is I'm now the proud new owner
of harry's hardware.
289
00:14:26,419 --> 00:14:28,253
Tim, aren't you
forgetting something?
290
00:14:28,321 --> 00:14:29,887
Yes. And al is
my silent partner.
291
00:14:29,955 --> 00:14:31,756
Show them how
that works.
292
00:14:33,459 --> 00:14:35,260
That's very funny.
293
00:14:35,328 --> 00:14:38,130
Well, in the past, harry's
hardware has been known
for its personal service.
294
00:14:38,197 --> 00:14:39,631
That's true.
Every time I shop there,
295
00:14:39,698 --> 00:14:41,266
People drop whatever
they're doing to help me.
296
00:14:41,334 --> 00:14:44,402
Even the ones that
don't work there.
297
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,971
Now that service is
going to get even better.
298
00:14:47,039 --> 00:14:52,310
That's right. We're proud
to introduce harry's new
video tool library.
299
00:14:52,378 --> 00:14:54,579
So, come on down to the
store and borrow a video
300
00:14:54,647 --> 00:14:57,949
For any project you
might be working on,
absolutely free!
301
00:14:58,017 --> 00:14:59,817
Did you say free?
302
00:14:59,885 --> 00:15:01,620
I said free!
303
00:15:01,687 --> 00:15:03,255
And that's not all.
304
00:15:03,322 --> 00:15:05,290
If you have any questions
about any one of the videos,
305
00:15:05,358 --> 00:15:07,058
You can call us at
our 24-hour tool line.
306
00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:09,094
That's right. Tim and I
bought these cell phones
307
00:15:09,161 --> 00:15:12,030
For the express purpose
of being there for you!
308
00:15:12,098 --> 00:15:13,999
Al and I are standing
by 24 hours a day
309
00:15:14,066 --> 00:15:16,534
To attend to all
the questions of our
hardware store customers.
310
00:15:16,602 --> 00:15:20,438
Call us anytime,
24 hours a day,
night or day, day or night!
311
00:15:20,506 --> 00:15:21,740
(phone ringing)
312
00:15:23,308 --> 00:15:26,044
Harry's on call!
No problem too small!
313
00:15:26,112 --> 00:15:29,014
No, mother.
This won't conflict
with square-dancing night.
314
00:15:30,149 --> 00:15:31,750
Harry's hardware!
315
00:15:31,817 --> 00:15:34,385
(phone ringing)
316
00:15:34,453 --> 00:15:36,554
Harry's on call.
No problem too small.
Hold on a second.
317
00:15:36,622 --> 00:15:38,322
Hold on, there's a great
pay-per-view movie on
318
00:15:38,390 --> 00:15:39,557
And mom's not home.
Can we watch it?
319
00:15:39,625 --> 00:15:41,760
Yeah. Go ahead.
320
00:15:41,828 --> 00:15:43,961
So, what's this
one called again?
321
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,763
Shakespeare in lust.
322
00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:52,803
Oh, wow!
Queen elizabeth is played
by busty bartholomew.
323
00:15:52,871 --> 00:15:54,439
I love her work.
324
00:15:54,507 --> 00:15:55,907
(door opening)
325
00:15:55,974 --> 00:15:57,142
And after that,
call a licensed plumber.
326
00:15:57,209 --> 00:15:59,644
Hi, guys.
Thanks a lot. Bye.
327
00:15:59,711 --> 00:16:02,446
Tim, are you not monitoring
what they're watching?
328
00:16:02,514 --> 00:16:05,016
There's some woman
on there wearing
a leather thong!
329
00:16:06,652 --> 00:16:08,253
Not anymore.
330
00:16:09,688 --> 00:16:13,191
Guys, finish up this scene
and shut this thing off!
331
00:16:13,259 --> 00:16:14,526
What?
332
00:16:16,228 --> 00:16:18,363
Does everybody know
what time it is?
333
00:16:18,430 --> 00:16:19,898
All: Tool time!
334
00:16:19,965 --> 00:16:21,900
That's right. Binford tools
is proud to present
335
00:16:21,967 --> 00:16:25,236
Tim "the tool man" taylor!
336
00:16:25,304 --> 00:16:27,105
(crowd cheering)
337
00:16:27,173 --> 00:16:28,173
(whoops)
338
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,540
(music playing)
339
00:16:33,378 --> 00:16:36,181
Tim "the tool man" taylor!
340
00:16:36,248 --> 00:16:37,582
(music playing)
341
00:16:40,319 --> 00:16:43,588
Tim? Al?
Where are you guys?
342
00:16:43,655 --> 00:16:46,057
At harry's hot line,
we'd recommend some oil
or grease on that.
343
00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:48,460
Well, how'd you
get it in there?
344
00:16:48,527 --> 00:16:49,861
Tim!
345
00:16:57,903 --> 00:16:59,504
Mmm.
346
00:16:59,572 --> 00:17:02,140
Looks like somebody's ready
to come over to daddy.
347
00:17:04,443 --> 00:17:08,713
Actually, I was thinking
of going downstairs to
meet the cable guy.
348
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,115
Well, see if you can't get
us some premium channels.
349
00:17:11,183 --> 00:17:12,217
(laughing)
350
00:17:12,284 --> 00:17:13,885
Okay.
Come here.
351
00:17:16,055 --> 00:17:17,488
(phone ringing)
352
00:17:18,257 --> 00:17:19,357
Ignore it.
353
00:17:19,425 --> 00:17:21,460
Just... I gotta do this.
354
00:17:21,527 --> 00:17:24,662
Okay, harry's hot line.
No problem too small.
355
00:17:24,730 --> 00:17:26,364
Oh, a blocked toilet.
356
00:17:26,432 --> 00:17:28,333
Yeah, yeah,
that's very, very hard.
357
00:17:28,401 --> 00:17:30,935
Don't put drain
cleaner in there. No!
That's not a good idea.
358
00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:32,471
(exclaims in disgust)
359
00:17:32,538 --> 00:17:35,640
Well, you're gonna need
a snake or a crowbar to
bust that sucker up.
360
00:17:37,042 --> 00:17:40,512
Huh? Yeah.
361
00:17:40,580 --> 00:17:42,481
What the heck you
been eating, sir?
362
00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:48,286
Yeah.
363
00:17:48,353 --> 00:17:50,354
Okay, where were we?
Nowhere.
364
00:17:50,422 --> 00:17:52,057
What do you
mean "nowhere"?
365
00:17:52,124 --> 00:17:53,925
Well, first of all,
that phone call was
really disgusting.
366
00:17:53,992 --> 00:17:55,393
Worse for him.
367
00:17:55,461 --> 00:17:57,495
And second of all,
every time we try
to get romantic,
368
00:17:57,563 --> 00:17:59,431
One of your
customers calls.
369
00:17:59,498 --> 00:18:01,132
I'm trying to run
a business.
370
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,601
Well, the business is just
ruining your whole life.
371
00:18:03,669 --> 00:18:05,803
You haven't slept
in weeks.
372
00:18:05,871 --> 00:18:08,706
Well, it's working though.
I've been getting a lot of
new customers in the store.
373
00:18:08,774 --> 00:18:10,341
Yeah. But, honey,
at what cost?
374
00:18:10,409 --> 00:18:13,211
The more customers you get,
the harder you have to work.
375
00:18:13,279 --> 00:18:14,812
It's affecting your
whole life, you know?
376
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,715
Your family, your work,
your health, my sex life.
377
00:18:19,418 --> 00:18:22,153
You're not thinking
of calling eddie, are you?
378
00:18:22,221 --> 00:18:24,422
No. It's his turn
to call me.
379
00:18:26,758 --> 00:18:28,659
I am so tired.
380
00:18:28,727 --> 00:18:30,728
Maybe it was a dumb
idea for me buying
this hardware store.
381
00:18:30,796 --> 00:18:33,998
No. It wasn't
a dumb idea.
382
00:18:34,066 --> 00:18:36,501
You bought it
because you're just
a passionate person.
383
00:18:36,569 --> 00:18:38,303
That's what I
love about you.
384
00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:40,138
Yeah, I know. But my passion's
starting to get in the way
of our passion.
385
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,506
Uh-huh.
386
00:18:41,574 --> 00:18:42,773
And I really love
this hardware store,
387
00:18:42,841 --> 00:18:46,511
But I don't know if it's
worth giving up everything.
388
00:18:46,579 --> 00:18:48,379
Well, you know,
you don't have
to decide tonight.
389
00:18:48,447 --> 00:18:51,048
You can sleep on it
and decide in the morning.
390
00:18:51,117 --> 00:18:53,218
I don't feel
like sleeping.
391
00:18:53,285 --> 00:18:55,353
Oh, good.
392
00:18:55,421 --> 00:18:57,122
I feel like
waxing the hot rod.
393
00:18:57,189 --> 00:18:59,056
I don't think so, tim.
394
00:19:01,193 --> 00:19:02,327
Good morning, marty.
395
00:19:02,394 --> 00:19:04,429
Hey, tim.
Business was great today.
396
00:19:04,497 --> 00:19:06,164
That's good.
Pack your things up.
397
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:08,433
I'm gonna sell
to the nail salon.
398
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:11,169
What are you talking about?
You mean I don't
have a job anymore?
399
00:19:11,236 --> 00:19:13,505
Depends how good you
are with an emery board.
400
00:19:14,973 --> 00:19:16,407
Hey, tim.
Hey, jeff.
401
00:19:16,475 --> 00:19:17,976
Hey.
What are you doing here?
402
00:19:18,043 --> 00:19:19,744
Oh, I just came in
to get some keys made
403
00:19:19,812 --> 00:19:21,345
And marty asked me to
take a look at the books.
404
00:19:21,413 --> 00:19:24,048
Don't bother, jeff.
I'll tell you the ending.
405
00:19:24,116 --> 00:19:25,817
He's shutting
down harry's.
406
00:19:25,885 --> 00:19:28,853
Really? Gee. Last week was
the store's best grossing
week of the year.
407
00:19:28,921 --> 00:19:29,754
It was?
408
00:19:29,822 --> 00:19:31,322
I think this calls
for a celebration.
409
00:19:31,390 --> 00:19:32,790
Free keys.
410
00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:37,228
Well, take all the keys
you want. I'm still gonna
sell the shop.
411
00:19:37,296 --> 00:19:38,863
Oh, come on! Why?
412
00:19:38,931 --> 00:19:41,932
Because I don't want
my wife dating eddie!
413
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:46,537
That's not a problem.
Eddie's dating
somebody else's wife.
414
00:19:46,605 --> 00:19:49,240
Marty, I'm just not
getting any sleep.
I'm working too much here.
415
00:19:49,308 --> 00:19:51,476
Twenty-four-hour
hot line's pretty
exhausting, huh?
416
00:19:51,510 --> 00:19:54,512
Oh, by the way,
thanks for talking me
through that toilet clog.
417
00:19:58,050 --> 00:20:00,118
I can't believe
the dream is over.
418
00:20:00,185 --> 00:20:02,020
It doesn't have to be.
How's that?
419
00:20:02,087 --> 00:20:04,122
Look, you've already got
people coming in the store.
420
00:20:04,189 --> 00:20:06,624
They know who you are.
Maybe you can cut back
on the hot line hours.
421
00:20:06,692 --> 00:20:07,959
Even if I cut back
on the hot line hours,
422
00:20:08,026 --> 00:20:10,261
It's just, the workload's
too much for me to handle.
423
00:20:10,328 --> 00:20:12,597
Well, I might be
interested in coming
in as a partner.
424
00:20:12,664 --> 00:20:14,966
Yeah. You know,
I think I could spend
425
00:20:15,034 --> 00:20:17,034
A few hours in
the store every week.
426
00:20:16,902 --> 00:20:18,436
You?
Yeah. Of course.
427
00:20:18,570 --> 00:20:21,006
I think this is
a good investment.
428
00:20:21,073 --> 00:20:22,507
There's a kiss of death.
429
00:20:23,709 --> 00:20:24,842
Well, thank you for that.
430
00:20:24,910 --> 00:20:26,878
I've saved a few bucks.
And, you know,
431
00:20:26,946 --> 00:20:29,981
When marty here
gets back on his feet
in 20 or 30 years,
432
00:20:30,049 --> 00:20:32,349
Maybe he'll want
to come in, too.
433
00:20:32,417 --> 00:20:33,785
What do you think?
Wait, wait.
434
00:20:33,853 --> 00:20:34,852
You're serious
about this?
435
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,954
Yeah.
Yes, it is.
436
00:20:37,022 --> 00:20:39,624
This might be the first time
we've ever done something
together that was productive.
437
00:20:39,691 --> 00:20:43,861
No. No. Remember that time
we dug that really giant
hole in the back yard?
438
00:20:43,929 --> 00:20:45,997
Oh, yeah.
439
00:20:46,064 --> 00:20:47,965
Oh, yeah.
I was so excited
440
00:20:48,033 --> 00:20:50,835
That my big
brothers were letting me
hang out with them finally.
441
00:20:50,902 --> 00:20:54,972
Until I found out we were
digging that hole so you
could stick me in it.
442
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,408
Just think what
we could do with a
whole store full of shovels.
443
00:20:57,476 --> 00:20:59,110
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
444
00:20:59,178 --> 00:21:01,479
I ain't gonna fall
for that one anymore.
445
00:21:01,547 --> 00:21:04,249
You're gonna have
to find somebody else.
446
00:21:08,186 --> 00:21:09,620
What are you
looking at?
447
00:21:09,688 --> 00:21:11,255
All: Somebody else.
448
00:21:15,294 --> 00:21:18,662
For the millionth time,
you are not going to florida
on spring break.
449
00:21:18,730 --> 00:21:20,331
But, mom, will you
hear me out?
450
00:21:20,399 --> 00:21:22,433
All right.
A lot of the parents shared
your concerns, all right?
451
00:21:22,501 --> 00:21:24,235
Now we have five
chaperones going.
452
00:21:24,303 --> 00:21:26,737
The boys are staying in one
hotel and the girls are
staying in another.
453
00:21:26,805 --> 00:21:28,539
We're gonna be supervised
24 hours a day.
454
00:21:28,607 --> 00:21:31,476
And I promise,
we can't go anywhere alone.
455
00:21:31,543 --> 00:21:33,277
So, why do you
want to go?
456
00:21:36,248 --> 00:21:38,382
I don't think
I do anymore.
457
00:21:43,823 --> 00:21:46,791
We did that to...
We just did that.
458
00:21:49,595 --> 00:21:50,494
Woman: Four, three...
459
00:21:50,562 --> 00:21:52,162
Absolutely free!
460
00:21:52,230 --> 00:21:53,765
Did you say free?
461
00:21:55,401 --> 00:21:58,703
(mimicking tim)
oh, yes, I did!
462
00:21:58,771 --> 00:22:01,239
Listen, I know,
we can print up some...
463
00:22:08,547 --> 00:22:10,248
Yeah. They're moving
to arizona.
464
00:22:10,316 --> 00:22:11,482
That's in tucson,
you know?
465
00:22:11,550 --> 00:22:12,716
I know.