1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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TANNOY: Attention all crew.

2
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Today is Bring Your Clone To Work day.

3
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If you don't have a clone,

4
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go and see the clone
officer on level seven.

5
00:00:45,036 --> 00:00:47,052
Incoming alien vessel.

6
00:00:47,068 --> 00:00:51,008
Range two decamiles.
Jeffers, prime missiles.

7
00:00:51,024 --> 00:00:53,076
Primed. Sandstrom, hold us steady.

8
00:00:53,088 --> 00:00:55,068
Holding vector three by nine-Y.

9
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:03,024
And soon we shall dance
to their death rattle.

10
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Oi! What you doing? Lights, please.

11
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:12,052
What have we said? (Don't shoot at
people in the appointments diary.)

12
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,032
Mmm? Don't shoot at people
in the appointments diary.

13
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When I have guests, I like
them to not be on fire.

14
00:01:18,004 --> 00:01:21,056
You abandoned your command.
(I went to the toilet.) What?

15
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I went to the toilet.

16
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You were ages.

17
00:01:24,096 --> 00:01:27,044
I know. My tummy's...

18
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Vine? Can you contact the Glish,
please? Clear them to dock. Teal.

19
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Yes? There is a chalice-load
of history up that corridor.

20
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Let's go sup from it.

21
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I told him it was a bad thing to do.

22
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Tell him off. ..He'll tell you
off now, then you'll be sorry.

23
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We are being downgraded.

24
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:50,068
Starbase are humiliating us.

25
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It's a sideways move.

26
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Telling aliens the great news about
the Peterborough enterprise zone.

27
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Vital work. Commander, may I respectfully
remind you that we are a ship of war!

28
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It is a sideways move!

29
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You're not coming to meet the Glish.

30
00:02:06,028 --> 00:02:09,004
Well, I didn't want to
come. I wasn't coming anyway.

31
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Well, you were very much walking this way,
Mr York. Yes, because I'm going down there.

32
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Why?

33
00:02:16,016 --> 00:02:19,016
Well, wouldn't you like to know?

34
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Ah!

35
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Well, Miss Teal, England expects. As
does Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

36
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You'll be brilliant.

37
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You always are.
Thank you very much.

38
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How do I look? Great. Yeah? Yes.

39
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Thanks, Big Truck.

40
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Let's go. Game faces on.

41
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Oh, what the...?! Shhhh! Oh-ho.

42
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Aaaaaaaaaah.
 Aaaaaaaaaah.

43
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

44
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Your accent's very good. Thank you.

45
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We are the Glish.

46
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Before we proceed, may we
lick your hands? - Of course.

47
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There is nothing sexual in this.

48
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Taste is our most
highly developed sense.

49
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When we meet a new friend
we always taste them.

50
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(It's part of their culture.)
(I don't want to!) (You have to.)

51
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THEY GROAN

52
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Ughhh... Don't like it. On
behalf of the British government,

53
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we'd like to ask you if you
would relocate some of your...

54
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industry to the
Peterborough enterprise zone.

55
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:41,020
Ugh! Thank you. Look,
it's a string from...

56
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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
It's everywhere! OK.

57
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Let's talk business.

58
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Yes, let's.

59
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TUNEFUL BEEPING

60
00:04:04,016 --> 00:04:07,040
Hey, Vine. You ever seen Sandstrom
fall off that thing? Never.

61
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:12,076
I bet you could navigate a course to
make her fall out. Nope. Get into trouble.

62
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I'll buy you a bar of Pepsi.

63
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I'll buy you a bar of Pepsi.
Yeah, all right. Sandstrom.

64
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Hard left.

65
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Hard right!

66
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Hard left!

67
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Hard right! Nice.

68
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Extreme bank left!

69
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Extreme bank right!

70
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Port attitude thrusters, five degrees.

71
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Heeeeey!

72
00:04:45,036 --> 00:04:49,004
Sorry, sorry. Training,
training exercise.

73
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Please, if you would.

74
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:56,068
ALARMS BLARE It's done that thing
again. Shouldn't have done that.

75
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Help me, Jeffers. Help me!

76
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Jeffers!

77
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Help me!

78
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:07,056
But it's not all work, work, work. There
you go. There's a buzzing cafe culture.

79
00:05:07,072 --> 00:05:10,092
And then on a Sunday
there's a farmer's market.

80
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They let you try cheeses. Cheese. Yum.

81
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We are very impressed.

82
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:19,016
We have businesses looking
for premises on Earth.

83
00:05:19,036 --> 00:05:23,084
And your Peterborough, with its transport
links and work-life balance, sounds ideal.

84
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That is absolutely magic!

85
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Why don't you sign the contract and
biggedy baggedy bong, we are done.

86
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Right, we've just got
one small request. Yes.

87
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When the Glish make a new agreement,
we always mark it with a fresh tasting.

88
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A face will be perfect.

89
00:05:40,012 --> 00:05:44,060
Hmm, OK. Well, whose face would you...?

90
00:05:44,076 --> 00:05:48,052
Officer Teal. Teal? Yeah, that's
fine! You don't mind, do you, Teal?

91
00:05:48,072 --> 00:05:52,084
There's nothing about faces... It's
nothing sexual. They've made that clear.

92
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I don't like it. I don't
want it to happen. Good egg.

93
00:05:55,076 --> 00:05:59,012
Come on. Do it for
Britain. FRENZIED SLURPING

94
00:05:59,028 --> 00:06:02,000
And the business rates are
subsidised for three years?

95
00:06:02,016 --> 00:06:05,008
Abso-bloody-lutely,
yeah.

96
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:06,092
THE GLISH MOAN IN PLEASURE

97
00:06:07,008 --> 00:06:11,012
Guys, sorry, I just need one
signature each, and, er...

98
00:06:11,032 --> 00:06:14,032
Also, we must rub our genitals
against your head, Commander.

99
00:06:14,052 --> 00:06:18,012
We also taste with our genitals.
There is nothing sexual in this.

100
00:06:18,032 --> 00:06:21,048
No, it's a very charming cultural
trait, I'm sure, but can we...

101
00:06:21,068 --> 00:06:26,060
We must rub our genitals against your head.
You will insult us if you refuse. Stop it!

102
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,084
You don't care about
Peterborough, do you?

103
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,012
No. We did a deal with America.

104
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What? But we would love to rub
our genitals against your head.

105
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Stop it! York! Please!
York! THE GLISH LAUGH

107
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CREATURE CHIRRUPS

108
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Hello. Now, you know, when
you're a Space Commander,

109
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you never know what the
next moment's gonna bring.

110
00:07:22,060 --> 00:07:25,000
Today it's trade, which
is a sideways move,

111
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but tomorrow I might be back fighting
the Red Shiny Robots of Vortis.

112
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Now, they seize planets and make
people work in their factories

113
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until they drop, and then they
feed them to their fellow workers.

114
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Some say Earth is next.

115
00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:41,060
Anyway, happy birthday. Six today.

116
00:07:41,076 --> 00:07:44,060
Hope you have a lovely day,
and hope you enjoy the bike.

117
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:49,036
And I'm sorry I can't be there. And
listen, don't worry about the robots.

118
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Let your uncle worry
about them, that's my job.

119
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I don't want you to lie awake
at night thinking about them.

120
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And night is when they come.

121
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Arghhh! The robots and the kid...

122
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Henderson. Space Marshall.

123
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You got a bone for the dog?

124
00:08:07,084 --> 00:08:10,016
Well!

125
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What a meeting that was! Yes?

126
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:18,064
Yeah. A day I, and my crew,
will certainly remember

127
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,096
for a very long time to
come. Yes. Did they sign?

128
00:08:22,012 --> 00:08:27,068
Did they sign? Now, I mean... That...

129
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,044
No.

130
00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:33,036
I see. I don't know why
I'm mentioning this...

131
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you know those school trips we run
to the moon and back? The BratRun?

132
00:08:37,068 --> 00:08:39,016
We don't like to call it that.

133
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Children are very stimulating
company, especially 190 of them.

134
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,036
The guy running it now, he's retiring.

135
00:08:47,052 --> 00:08:49,080
Stress, I think.

136
00:08:49,092 --> 00:08:51,076
So we'll need someone to take over.

137
00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:58,080
Anyway, let's just say everyone would love
you to do a Peterborough deal by Friday.

138
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Especially you.

139
00:09:00,048 --> 00:09:02,092
Sandra? How do I turn this off?

140
00:09:03,008 --> 00:09:05,056
THEY MUMBLE ANSWERS Is it this one here?

141
00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:09,056
I can't believe you did that.

142
00:09:12,056 --> 00:09:14,044
BratRun?

143
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:19,024
Thanks, Teal.

144
00:09:19,036 --> 00:09:20,032
Don't!

145
00:09:20,044 --> 00:09:24,040
Ah, let me have a little think. Er...

146
00:09:24,056 --> 00:09:27,064
Ooh! What about the
tube people of Gulth?

147
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I think they would love Peterborough.

148
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,088
I think they would love Peterborough.
Too late. They've done a deal with China.

149
00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:36,064
Ooh, the Ogrins of Blabe? Moved
their factories to Florida.

150
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,056
Futile. It's all futile.
SANDSTROM: Futile.

151
00:09:39,072 --> 00:09:41,020
Futile.

152
00:09:41,032 --> 00:09:42,088
We'll get there!

153
00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:46,056
We're like the people in the Blitz
who shook their fists at the sky

154
00:09:46,076 --> 00:09:49,008
and said, "Come on, you
Zulus! Do your worst!"

155
00:09:51,016 --> 00:09:53,036
Ooh! Oh, I think I've got one.

156
00:09:53,052 --> 00:09:55,096
Planet Uberon. Big industrial base...

157
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,096
Oh, no, sorry. They're isolationist.

158
00:09:59,012 --> 00:10:01,044
Severed all links with
the galaxy years ago.

159
00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:03,004
False alarm, sorry.

160
00:10:03,016 --> 00:10:05,036
Oh, no, no, no.

161
00:10:05,048 --> 00:10:08,020
Isolationist, eh?

162
00:10:08,036 --> 00:10:11,076
That would be perfect. They wouldn't
have done a deal with anyone.

163
00:10:11,096 --> 00:10:16,008
One man could talk to them, tell them
it's time to come back to the galaxy,

164
00:10:16,024 --> 00:10:18,092
what a day that would be.

165
00:10:19,008 --> 00:10:23,040
What a day! Oh, Miss
Teal, I could kiss you.

166
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,028
BREATHLESSLY: Could you?

167
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:34,092
Sandstrom? Get ready. Vine,
set course for Uberon. What?

168
00:10:35,008 --> 00:10:38,060
Course. Yeah. What, on the navicomputer?

169
00:10:38,076 --> 00:10:40,020
Mmm-hmm.

170
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,016
ALARM SOUNDS Got a problem?

171
00:10:43,028 --> 00:10:45,080
Mmm... No... It's the..

172
00:10:45,096 --> 00:10:48,072
HE COUGHS OBVIOUSLY
Sorry, I'm a bit...coughy.

173
00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:52,004
Coffee. Coffee. Coffee?

174
00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:54,088
What have we said about
hot drinks on the console?

175
00:10:56,096 --> 00:10:59,056
Jeffers is gonna lose
half a day to fix that.

176
00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:01,012
Oh, what?!

177
00:11:01,024 --> 00:11:03,008
TANNOY: Attention all crew.

178
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:09,080
A further reminder that the weapons bay
is not an appropriate venue for hen nights.

179
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:16,056
Please use the designated hen and stag
facilities on levels four and five.

180
00:11:16,072 --> 00:11:19,004
You said you'd be done by now.

181
00:11:19,016 --> 00:11:20,080
It's stuck on the defaults -

182
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:24,008
"sorry you can't do this,
sorry you can't do that".

183
00:11:24,024 --> 00:11:26,048
We need to be at Uberon by tomorrow.

184
00:11:28,024 --> 00:11:29,096
If we live that long.

185
00:11:30,012 --> 00:11:34,028
Oh, what is it now? There is a
parasitic being on board this ship.

186
00:11:34,048 --> 00:11:38,028
Left, I suspect, by your
good friends the Glish.

187
00:11:39,056 --> 00:11:41,040
Another one of your scares, Mr York?

188
00:11:41,056 --> 00:11:44,068
Remember the Beast of Level Nine?
What did that turn out to be?

189
00:11:44,088 --> 00:11:48,036
It was Vine trying to grow a
beard. Viney grew that beard!

190
00:11:48,056 --> 00:11:52,072
It has already claimed its
first victim. Cadet Wade.

191
00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:54,024
Bring in the deceased.

192
00:11:59,008 --> 00:12:00,056
Oscar! Yes.

193
00:12:00,068 --> 00:12:03,012
The ship's guinea pig is no more.

194
00:12:03,028 --> 00:12:08,000
Eurgh! And, as the beast
feeds, so will it grow.

195
00:12:08,016 --> 00:12:09,088
All right! Back to work.

196
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,052
We don't all need to look.

197
00:12:15,032 --> 00:12:17,076
Ohh.

198
00:12:17,088 --> 00:12:19,036
That is not right.

199
00:12:19,052 --> 00:12:22,076
Permission to hunt and destroy
the alien. Xenomorph...?

200
00:12:22,092 --> 00:12:24,032
Could we say "xenomorph"?

201
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,088
It's just a cool word.

202
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,008
York, just get the alien! Xenomorph.

203
00:12:28,024 --> 00:12:30,064
Before we get to Uberon.

204
00:12:30,076 --> 00:12:33,056
You! With me. Chop, chop, Mr Vine.

205
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:36,092
Me?! Oh, yes.

206
00:12:40,088 --> 00:12:44,076
You techies, eh? You love
to do it the hard way.

207
00:12:44,092 --> 00:12:47,036
What does that say?

208
00:12:47,048 --> 00:12:49,004
Quickfix!

209
00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:51,052
You can't quick fix,
you've got to custom fix.

210
00:12:51,068 --> 00:12:54,036
I think we'll do Quickfix.
It sounds quick. No...

211
00:12:54,056 --> 00:12:57,020
If you do Quickfix, the
system folder is gonna be...

212
00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,068
Will somebody listen? No to
mailings. He's gonna press "next".

213
00:13:00,088 --> 00:13:04,016
Next. Now he's gonna press "restart".
And press "restart" and bang!

214
00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:05,048
PC SHUT-DOWN JINGLE

215
00:13:05,064 --> 00:13:08,088
You've turned the whole
ship off. PC START-UP JINGLE

216
00:13:09,004 --> 00:13:11,072
And now everything's
gone back to the defaults.

217
00:13:11,092 --> 00:13:15,064
Everything on the ship. No,
no, not everything, look.

218
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,060
Navicomputer's fixed. I did that. Me!

219
00:13:18,076 --> 00:13:23,024
Look, I'm gonna set a course
for Uberon. Miss Sandstrom?

220
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,004
Commencify that course please!

221
00:13:25,016 --> 00:13:26,068
Full power.

222
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,072
Ah! Woah!

223
00:13:28,084 --> 00:13:30,056
Yeah.

224
00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:34,068
We're going!

225
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,044
That was nice.

226
00:13:36,056 --> 00:13:38,004
I mean...

227
00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:42,016
here's the question. Do you
think it will take you long

228
00:13:42,032 --> 00:13:45,036
to mend all the other
little bits and bobs?

229
00:13:47,036 --> 00:13:48,072
Jeffers?

230
00:13:49,084 --> 00:13:54,092
To access the toilet, please
enter the second, fourth,

231
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:58,064
and 83rd numbers of your security code.

232
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:02,092
"Proud people of
Uberon," big U, small B.

233
00:14:03,012 --> 00:14:06,004
"It is time for you to
take your place once again

234
00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:09,028
"amongst the great
civilisations of this galaxy."

235
00:14:09,044 --> 00:14:10,092
Full stop.

236
00:14:11,004 --> 00:14:12,060
"Much has changed.

237
00:14:12,072 --> 00:14:15,012
"For example, Peterborough

238
00:14:15,024 --> 00:14:18,020
"now has a new access road to Ely..."

239
00:14:18,032 --> 00:14:20,020
'You need to sleep, Commander.

240
00:14:20,032 --> 00:14:22,044
'I will turn myself off shortly.'

241
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:24,084
Override. Can you override the defaults?

242
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,076
'Override denied. I refer
you to Manual H Module three,

243
00:14:28,096 --> 00:14:31,060
'the importance of sleep for officers.'

244
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:35,024
I'm aware of the module, but I
don't need to be up until nine.

245
00:14:35,044 --> 00:14:37,096
'I will verify that
with your alarm clock.'

246
00:14:38,012 --> 00:14:40,072
MACHINERY WHIRRS

247
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:44,096
'Incorrect. Your alarm
is set for 6.50.' No...

248
00:14:45,012 --> 00:14:46,060
'Good night, Commander.'

249
00:14:46,072 --> 00:14:48,012
Don't trust the clock...

250
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,048
Jeffers? Yeah?

251
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,088
Can you come and fix the machines
in my room first thing, please?

252
00:15:02,008 --> 00:15:05,056
No. There's a protocol for this
and I'm bothering to follow it.

253
00:15:05,076 --> 00:15:08,028
I'm not being selfish.
It's just... Yeah, yeah.

254
00:15:08,048 --> 00:15:11,024
Look, if I can't do my job,
then the ship can't do its job.

255
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:14,044
All right, then. Whatever.
Hey, don't whatever me.

256
00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:16,072
It's ever so rude, Jeffers.

257
00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:18,024
Jeffers?

258
00:15:24,064 --> 00:15:28,044
Hold that in with my tongue... Ely.

259
00:15:37,048 --> 00:15:40,068
Ah, the planet of Uberon!

260
00:15:40,084 --> 00:15:44,092
Well done, Sandstrom, you've
really excelled yourself this time.

261
00:15:45,008 --> 00:15:47,000
Oh, incoming message, Commander.

262
00:15:47,016 --> 00:15:50,028
Intruder, you have entered
the system of Uberon.

263
00:15:50,044 --> 00:15:52,024
Outsiders have no business here.

264
00:15:52,036 --> 00:15:53,080
I respect your ways.

265
00:15:53,092 --> 00:15:55,048
But the galaxy has moved on.

266
00:15:55,064 --> 00:15:59,044
I seek, as you would call it, a
"headmeet" with one of your kind.

267
00:15:59,064 --> 00:16:02,000
Leave this system. There
will be no more warning.

268
00:16:02,016 --> 00:16:04,044
All right. All right, but...

269
00:16:04,056 --> 00:16:06,088
first, let me tell you a story

270
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:12,004
about a small village on ancient Earth,
metaphorically very similar to your world.

271
00:16:12,024 --> 00:16:17,048
Now, this village had a lovely
fat horse, and... Chloe? The...

272
00:16:17,064 --> 00:16:19,088
Chloe Teal! Yes?

273
00:16:20,004 --> 00:16:24,060
You know, the kibbutz on
Alikyan Three! Fasmoff!

274
00:16:24,076 --> 00:16:27,016
Yeah! Sorry, I didn't recognise...

275
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:29,032
I know, it's the hair.

276
00:16:29,048 --> 00:16:32,048
Comes with the rank. I'm a
minister! What about that? Yippee!

277
00:16:32,068 --> 00:16:35,020
Congratulations! The
village in the next valley...

278
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,072
You still got that guitar?

279
00:16:36,084 --> 00:16:39,028
Ding-dee-ding!
I know.

280
00:16:39,044 --> 00:16:42,000
It's in a cupboard, I've
not put strings on for ages!

281
00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:45,080
It's so good to see you!
And you! What you doing here?

282
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,052
We're telling people about this zone
called Peterborough. Great place.

283
00:16:49,068 --> 00:16:51,028
Right. Well, I'll tell you what.

284
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:53,076
There's been talk here
about the isolation.

285
00:16:53,092 --> 00:16:57,040
There's a change in the wind. How
about I pop up and have a chat?

286
00:16:57,056 --> 00:16:59,060
Do. Please do.

287
00:16:59,076 --> 00:17:03,092
That would be lovely! Fantastic.
I will see you later. Lovely!

288
00:17:04,008 --> 00:17:06,028
Ding-dee-ding!
Ding ding! Ha ha!

289
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,032
That is lovely!

290
00:17:09,044 --> 00:17:11,064
Yeah...

291
00:17:11,076 --> 00:17:13,036
Sorry, Commander.

292
00:17:13,048 --> 00:17:14,092
Ooh, is it safe to get him up?

293
00:17:15,008 --> 00:17:18,028
That thing's still loose. York'll
be wearing it as a coat by tea.

294
00:17:18,048 --> 00:17:23,020
But if it's a risk to Fasmoff we should
delay the talks. I would like to crack on.

295
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,044
But procedure does clearly
state that when visitors come...

296
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,000
But procedure does clearly state that when
visitors come... I'm not doing the BratRun!

297
00:17:36,064 --> 00:17:40,044
When this being took a trip here,
she booked a one way passage to death.

298
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:43,004
She and I are alike.

299
00:17:43,016 --> 00:17:45,088
Killers. Strangers to mercy.

300
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,044
Only one shall survive.

301
00:17:48,056 --> 00:17:51,060
DETECTOR BEEPS STEADILY

302
00:17:56,036 --> 00:17:58,020
BEEPS SPEED UP

303
00:17:58,036 --> 00:18:02,092
Come, my pretty one....
BEEPS INCREASE IN INTENSITY

304
00:18:03,008 --> 00:18:04,076
There! Still, quite still.

305
00:18:04,088 --> 00:18:06,092
Show no fear.

306
00:18:07,004 --> 00:18:09,092
She feeds on fear.

307
00:18:18,032 --> 00:18:20,012
It's gone in the bottle bank.

308
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:25,096
Right, we'll seal the hatch, blow all the
glass into space, creature goes with it.

309
00:18:26,012 --> 00:18:27,084
And where is the sport in that?

310
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:32,080
Oh, no, in her last moment I
want her to look me in the eye

311
00:18:32,096 --> 00:18:34,096
and know who bested her.

312
00:18:35,008 --> 00:18:36,088
I have another plan.

313
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,048
THEY MUMBLE

314
00:18:42,060 --> 00:18:45,064
Airlock opening.

315
00:18:47,032 --> 00:18:50,092
Airlock closing. Minister,
welcome. Chloe! Ahh!

316
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,072
How's the old gang doing?

317
00:18:54,088 --> 00:18:57,028
What's Beetle up to?
She's got three boys now.

318
00:18:57,044 --> 00:19:01,060
Yeah, as she would say, d'you
remember... Happy Nappy Bally.

319
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,008
It's just lovely to see
you! Good to see you!

320
00:19:04,024 --> 00:19:07,044
Dinky-dinky-dinky!
Dinky-dinky-dinky...

321
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:09,080
Did you take a year off before uni?

322
00:19:09,096 --> 00:19:15,088
Me? No, no, I left school and went to
a weird far-off planet called "work".

323
00:19:16,004 --> 00:19:18,024
Meeting room? Shall we?

324
00:19:21,048 --> 00:19:23,092
You must smell like prey.

325
00:19:24,004 --> 00:19:25,044
More honey.

326
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:30,012
Good.

327
00:19:32,016 --> 00:19:35,000
Come and get him.

328
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:40,048
Come and get the delicious man.

329
00:19:42,064 --> 00:19:46,040
GROWLING No, no, no!
Hold still, Mr Vine.

330
00:19:46,056 --> 00:19:48,080
Hold so very, very still...

331
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:55,024
GLASS RATTLES, GROWLING

332
00:19:57,012 --> 00:19:58,040
ROARING

333
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,084
Ho-ho! She is angered.

334
00:20:05,096 --> 00:20:08,024
What can stop her now?

335
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,056
This is exactly the kind of policy
shift we've been talking about.

336
00:20:12,076 --> 00:20:16,032
We could make a big splash with
this at the autumn conference.

337
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,060
One problem, though... Oh, go on.

338
00:20:18,076 --> 00:20:21,040
I don't think Peterborough's
going to be big enough.

339
00:20:23,008 --> 00:20:25,076
We've got Stirling or Doncaster.

340
00:20:25,088 --> 00:20:27,036
We'll take them, too.

341
00:20:27,048 --> 00:20:30,008
And Wales.

342
00:20:33,092 --> 00:20:36,016
Britain's still a big galactic power?

343
00:20:36,032 --> 00:20:39,004
Oh, yes. Massive. Absolutely.

344
00:20:39,024 --> 00:20:43,068
Let's have a good old British cup of
mochaccino, we'll deal with the boring bits...

345
00:20:43,084 --> 00:20:45,020
Argh!

346
00:20:47,016 --> 00:20:49,052
Why don't we just go
to meeting room two?

347
00:20:49,068 --> 00:20:51,012
I never like this one.

348
00:20:51,024 --> 00:20:53,092
Make up your mind! Ha ha!

349
00:20:54,008 --> 00:20:56,068
But there isn't even a meeting room...

350
00:20:56,084 --> 00:21:00,024
Argh! I think meeting room two...

351
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,076
The ambience in meeting room
two's a lot more...ambient!

352
00:21:03,092 --> 00:21:06,012
Come along, chop, chop!

353
00:21:12,060 --> 00:21:14,068
CRASHING, SCREAMING

354
00:21:21,068 --> 00:21:23,040
Here we are. Here we are.

355
00:21:23,056 --> 00:21:26,036
Under the pipe there. Meeting room two.

356
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:29,080
Strange smell. No, there isn't.

357
00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:33,020
That says "urine processing area".

358
00:21:33,036 --> 00:21:36,084
That is a wall where we
keep signs for other rooms.

359
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,048
DISTANT SCREAMS What was that?

360
00:21:39,064 --> 00:21:42,084
The cadets. They like a game.

361
00:21:42,096 --> 00:21:44,092
Bit of horseplay.

362
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:50,044
Why don't you sign those, quick as you like,
and then it's back home, safe and sound.

363
00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:52,036
I'm sure you're missed.

364
00:21:52,052 --> 00:21:55,068
I do have to read it first.
No, yeah, take your time...

365
00:21:55,084 --> 00:21:58,092
For God's sake, Fasmoff, just sign it!

366
00:22:00,088 --> 00:22:03,064
Sorry. DISTANT SCREAMS

367
00:22:03,084 --> 00:22:10,048
Um...if you would excuse us, why don't
you stick around here and read them...?

368
00:22:14,024 --> 00:22:19,012
We're off to judge the
ship's screaming competition.

369
00:22:19,028 --> 00:22:22,004
But sign it, please. Please!

370
00:22:22,016 --> 00:22:24,008
SCREAMS

371
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,064
York! Hey! You said, by the
time we got to Uberon, you'd...

372
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,048
York, this thing is eating my crew!

373
00:22:37,060 --> 00:22:39,036
Only the slow ones.

374
00:22:39,052 --> 00:22:43,048
She's picking them off,
doing exactly what I would do.

375
00:22:43,064 --> 00:22:45,024
I almost love her.

376
00:22:45,036 --> 00:22:47,048
What?

377
00:22:47,060 --> 00:22:49,064
Come with me. York!

378
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,060
Minister? Fasmoff?

379
00:23:10,076 --> 00:23:14,024
The ship isn't safe. We're here
to escort you to your shuttle.

380
00:23:14,044 --> 00:23:18,032
Minister? Look, there was no way
of knowing this was going to happen

381
00:23:18,052 --> 00:23:22,040
before you came on board, so I
am in no way to blame for this.

382
00:23:22,056 --> 00:23:24,064
Nor am I. Nor is Teal. Thank you.

383
00:23:24,076 --> 00:23:26,088
LOUD SCREAM

384
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,072
Minister?

385
00:23:35,076 --> 00:23:37,040
Emergency code five.

386
00:23:37,052 --> 00:23:39,008
I'm returning immediately.

387
00:23:39,020 --> 00:23:42,012
FAINT SCRABBLING

388
00:23:48,036 --> 00:23:50,088
LOUDER SCRABBLING

389
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,040
Hello?

390
00:23:54,096 --> 00:23:57,080
MORE SCRABBLING

391
00:23:57,096 --> 00:24:00,060
Move! Move! Gangway!
Passing on the left!

392
00:24:00,076 --> 00:24:04,068
Oh, yeah, right, crack out the guns
and don't tell Jeffers. Here, catch!

393
00:24:06,092 --> 00:24:08,064
This is a baby's gun.

394
00:24:16,048 --> 00:24:19,092
SNARLING, HEARTBEAT

395
00:24:20,004 --> 00:24:23,008
GROWLING

396
00:24:25,016 --> 00:24:27,064
DISTANT SHRIEKING That way!

397
00:24:33,096 --> 00:24:35,060
I...

398
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:41,048
I saw it. Look, let me assure you, you're safe,
yeah? And they don't get those things in Peterborough.

399
00:24:41,068 --> 00:24:44,024
Biggest thing in
Peterborough is an urban fox.

400
00:24:44,044 --> 00:24:48,064
But they've brought in bins with lids on
and that really seems to have cracked it.

401
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:52,080
YELLING Let's go!

402
00:25:00,056 --> 00:25:02,076
LOUD GROWLING Aaaaaagggh!

403
00:25:02,092 --> 00:25:05,088
York, shoot the alien. Xenomorph!

404
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,012
I...I can't.

405
00:25:09,024 --> 00:25:10,060
Oh, York! I have the shot.

406
00:25:10,076 --> 00:25:13,068
'Before using this gun, do you
accept the following terms?'

407
00:25:13,088 --> 00:25:16,084
Jeffers! Man, this gun is on
default. I had to do your lamp!

408
00:25:17,004 --> 00:25:20,060
Help him! 'One. The manufacturer
accepts no responsibility...' Yes.

409
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:24,040
'..for damage caused by projectile
instrument.' Yes, yes, yes!

410
00:25:24,060 --> 00:25:28,024
Why don't you help? 'I think you
said "yes". Confirm.' Yes. Watch!

411
00:25:30,060 --> 00:25:34,080
'Two. The manufacturers are not liable
for defects caused by unsuitable storage.'

412
00:25:34,096 --> 00:25:36,056
Yes, yes, yes, I accept.

413
00:25:36,068 --> 00:25:38,072
ALIEN ROARS

414
00:25:38,088 --> 00:25:45,052
So, farewell to the perfect survival
machine and the face of true beauty.

415
00:25:45,072 --> 00:25:50,004
'Three. If third party ammunition is
used, all warranties are declared void.'

416
00:25:54,052 --> 00:25:56,052
'Do you accept condition three?'

417
00:25:56,064 --> 00:25:59,004
Yeah, I do. 'I am now primed.

418
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:01,072
'Go get 'em, soldier.'

419
00:26:01,084 --> 00:26:03,032
TANNOY: Attention all crew.

420
00:26:03,044 --> 00:26:05,048
News from home.

421
00:26:05,060 --> 00:26:07,088
Cloaks are out. Ruffs are in.

422
00:26:08,004 --> 00:26:12,052
And Wimbledon fortnight starts tomorrow.

423
00:26:12,068 --> 00:26:14,080
Is this Britain's year?

424
00:26:16,084 --> 00:26:19,048
Did you know that
thing was on your ship?

425
00:26:19,060 --> 00:26:22,012
Did I know?

426
00:26:22,024 --> 00:26:25,012
Er, yeah. Yeah, I did.

427
00:26:25,032 --> 00:26:30,092
Sorry. Look, if you ever change your mind, the
bumph's in there, there's a couple of little bits.

428
00:26:31,008 --> 00:26:32,080
Give him the goody bag.

429
00:26:32,096 --> 00:26:35,072
Yeah, it's got all
sorts. It's got some tea.

430
00:26:35,088 --> 00:26:37,028
D'you want that? Drink tea?

431
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,040
No?

432
00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:41,048
Or a lovely box of finest shortbread?

433
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,048
It's there if you want it.

434
00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:51,004
If you're ever in the area,
then do... Ding-ding...

435
00:26:54,004 --> 00:26:57,000
The Space Marshall is going
to call me in 20 minutes.

436
00:26:57,020 --> 00:27:00,096
So you'd better do something.
Me? Yes, you. What? You heard.

437
00:27:02,052 --> 00:27:04,076
What should I do, though?

438
00:27:04,088 --> 00:27:06,028
Door closing.

439
00:27:10,056 --> 00:27:12,092
Resume.

440
00:27:14,004 --> 00:27:17,052
Your loyal robot has been repaired. Oh.

441
00:27:17,068 --> 00:27:20,044
Good to have you back, my friend.

442
00:27:20,064 --> 00:27:24,088
I don't think the Sky Witches of Wotar
will be bothering you for some time to come.

443
00:27:25,004 --> 00:27:26,088
Captain Helix.

444
00:27:27,004 --> 00:27:31,044
For saving my people, I grant
you half the lands of my world.

445
00:27:31,060 --> 00:27:36,012
No. I do not need land or treasure.

446
00:27:36,028 --> 00:27:38,036
The only reward I seek

447
00:27:38,048 --> 00:27:40,008
is a single kiss.

448
00:27:51,032 --> 00:27:54,060
I don't know how to inform
you of this, Mr Jeffers, but...

449
00:27:54,076 --> 00:27:56,016
Yes?

450
00:27:56,028 --> 00:27:58,052
You'll live.

451
00:27:58,064 --> 00:28:02,016
Will I have a massive scar?

452
00:28:02,028 --> 00:28:03,080
Massive.

453
00:28:03,092 --> 00:28:06,040
Cool.

454
00:28:08,076 --> 00:28:13,040
WAILING Hello? Hi, there, hi.

455
00:28:13,060 --> 00:28:17,044
Am I speaking to the Whale People
of Jorrain? WAILING IN REPLY

456
00:28:17,060 --> 00:28:19,052
Oh, great. Good.

457
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:24,008
I wondered if you had a few moments to answer
some questions about your business needs.

458
00:28:24,024 --> 00:28:26,044
INDIGNANT WAILING Oh, no, gosh.

459
00:28:26,064 --> 00:28:30,016
No, I promise you, I'm not trying
to sell you something. ANGRY WAIL

460
00:28:30,032 --> 00:28:33,036
Sorry, did you just say
what I think...? Hello?

461
00:28:33,052 --> 00:28:35,020
That is so rude.

462
00:29:02,068 --> 00:29:04,064
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 2006

463
00:29:06,064 --> 00:29:06,072
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk