1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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The Red Shiny Robots of Vortis.
Do they have the weekend off?

2
00:00:21,995 --> 00:00:23,055
No, they don't. No, they don't.

3
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They come in their eternal quest
to hunt us down, scan our minds,

4
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turn them into streams of data,
and feed them into their
planet-sized computers.

5
00:00:30,986 --> 00:00:32,995
My crew deserve a break, York.
LIGHT WHINES

6
00:00:33,011 --> 00:00:34,031
A whole weekend?

7
00:00:34,051 --> 00:00:39,041
Yes! Anyway the Red Shiny Robots
of Vortis are on the other side
of the galaxy, right?

8
00:00:39,057 --> 00:00:41,982
LIGHT WHINES
Oh, yes. Yes, they are.

9
00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,970
All right, the Ice Lords of Jeraton.

10
00:00:43,986 --> 00:00:46,975
Do they have the weekend off?
I don't know and I don't care.

11
00:00:46,991 --> 00:00:48,056
With respect, perhaps you should.

12
00:00:48,976 --> 00:00:53,046
The shape-changing Limahals of
Rathomon, do they have the
weekend off? You're making that up.

13
00:00:53,062 --> 00:00:55,999
I am not. There's no such thing.
BOING!

14
00:00:56,011 --> 00:00:57,051
That's wrong.

15
00:00:58,051 --> 00:00:59,992
ELECTRONIC WHINE

16
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Cap the nub in.

17
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LIGHT MAKES CORRECT NOISE
Done.

18
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The Bubsy Wasps of CheCheChe.

19
00:01:06,046 --> 00:01:07,999
Do they have the weekend off?

20
00:01:08,015 --> 00:01:11,028
Bubsy Wasps? Yes.
Do they have the weekend off? No.

21
00:01:14,029 --> 00:01:17,010
No! No, no, no!

22
00:01:17,026 --> 00:01:20,987
Now what? It's Alice99!
She always bids against me!

23
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She got that keyring, she got the
bolero jacket. I really wanted that.

24
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So bid again. I'm past my limit.

25
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I'll sit this one out.

26
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That's very sensible, Vine.

27
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Most people round here call
you boring, wussy and afraid.

28
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But I don't. Bid. Bid. Bid.

29
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Right. Eat my bid, you cow!

30
00:01:39,081 --> 00:01:42,006
It's not another set
of Toby jugs, is it?

31
00:01:42,022 --> 00:01:45,055
No, it's nothing like that.
It's a planet.

32
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It isn't?

33
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Oh?

34
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Sorry, where is it?

35
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It's there. Oh, I see, gosh. Very...

36
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How much?! Vine,
you've bid two years' wages!

37
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"Planet. Quantity, one. As new.

38
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"You collect." Yes, but Alice99, she
always gets in at the last moment.

39
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Watch. Five, four...

40
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'VineUK, you have won the auction.'

41
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Oh, well done you!

42
00:02:15,037 --> 00:02:17,062
You beat Alice99.

43
00:02:17,078 --> 00:02:21,039
Now can anyone tell me the
name of the man whose life...

44
00:02:21,059 --> 00:02:25,017
Not yet, Mr Wade... Whose life
we celebrate this weekend?

45
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Gary Neville! Gary Neville!

46
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The inventor of artificial gravity.

47
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Now, a little fact, he came up
with the idea at half-time
at the 2004 FA Cup semi-final.

48
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But he didn't tell
a soul for 15 years,
until he'd perfected his equations.

49
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It's quite a nice story.
Now can anyone tell me what cadets
have on Gary Neville Day? Yep?

50
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Cadets' ball!
Cadets' ball. Cadets' ball.

51
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Sorry, bit late.
That's fine.

52
00:02:54,010 --> 00:02:55,067
I know you'll have a lot of fun.

53
00:02:55,087 --> 00:03:00,088
You know? Some of you
may know, you may not know,
but I rose up through the ranks.

54
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I was a cadet once.

55
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My background is as humble
as any of yours.

56
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Commander...

57
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Here it comes.
On behalf of all the cadets, I'd

58
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like to present you with this
invitation for the ball.

59
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Bless you. Thank you.

60
00:03:17,086 --> 00:03:20,051
Great work. OK. That's lovely.
All right. Shoo shoo.

61
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As in leave. Thank you, guys.

62
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OK, so you're not going to that,
are you? You won't be going to that?

63
00:03:26,053 --> 00:03:28,046
It's Space Force tradition.

64
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They invite the Commander,
but he never actually goes.

65
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No, but you've got to come
to the officers' dinner. Yes,
I'll be there. Stop fussing.

66
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It's just a bit stuffy
for an old cadet, like me.

67
00:03:39,122 --> 00:03:41,118
An old cadet. It'll be fun.

68
00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:43,107
Now, what shall we drink? Wines?

69
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:47,112
I was thinking the Chablis '34
or the '38?

70
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Does Strongbow come in?

71
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Erm, are we playing?
Oh, I'm so sorry, York!

72
00:03:53,030 --> 00:03:55,043
I'll see you later, Teal. OK.

73
00:03:55,055 --> 00:03:57,128
Let's party, mon frere. OK.

74
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,097
'Sportgame recommences.'

75
00:04:04,042 --> 00:04:07,071
D'you remember the cadet balls
back on the HMS Membury, eh, York?

76
00:04:07,091 --> 00:04:10,080
Oh, you never went, did you?
You were a junior officer.

77
00:04:10,096 --> 00:04:13,097
Yeah? Well, you were a lowly drone.

78
00:04:13,113 --> 00:04:17,135
You posh boys missed out, I'm
telling you. We had a proper spread.

79
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Chicken cubes,
fish bites, the works.

80
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And the drink!

81
00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:27,062
Yes, and then the elbow
of chance knocked you onto
the officers' training programme.

82
00:04:27,082 --> 00:04:32,048
Oh, how the fates always
smiled on lucky Henderson.

83
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,124
Trust you to be at the osteopath's

84
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:37,069
the morning the training centre
was eaten by a sentient jelly!

85
00:04:37,085 --> 00:04:39,058
Matchbounce! Yes!

86
00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:42,127
York, York, York! 'York wins.'

87
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Well, played, well done.

88
00:04:45,116 --> 00:04:48,137
Why don't we go and see if they're
still doing breakfast? Yeah.

89
00:04:49,053 --> 00:04:51,094
Yeah, I'll take a cauliflower juice.

90
00:04:54,051 --> 00:04:56,068
Ooh, it's very close.

91
00:04:56,084 --> 00:04:59,057
We could get a shuttle,
go for the weekend.

92
00:04:59,073 --> 00:05:00,137
"Planet 079/ZB2.

93
00:05:01,053 --> 00:05:05,059
"Geologically unstable, not suitable
for long or short term habitation.

94
00:05:05,075 --> 00:05:07,059
"Forms of life, none."

95
00:05:07,075 --> 00:05:11,077
None. It's a retreat.
A haven from the hustle and bustle.

96
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:15,058
Free minibreak, anyone? To 079/ZB2?

97
00:05:15,070 --> 00:05:18,063
No. To Vineworld!

98
00:05:18,075 --> 00:05:19,152
'Attention all crew.

99
00:05:20,064 --> 00:05:22,125
'Happy Gary Neville Day.

100
00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:26,078
'Also, do you enjoy angling?

101
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'If so, get down to level 12

102
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'while it's still flooded.'

103
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Who's coming to Vineworld?

104
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First trip's for free.
I've booked a shuttle.

105
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Oh, look at you! Teal,
are you coming to Vineworld?

106
00:05:40,143 --> 00:05:46,089
Oh, that is kind. But I won't.
Tell you what, ask Jeffers.
He told you to bid. OK? Have fun!

107
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Jeffers, Jeffers, Jeffers.

108
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Jeffers! You don't want to go to the
officers' dinner. Come to Vineworld.
Please come to Vineworld.

109
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Er...no.

110
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You told me to buy it!
So you must want to come!

111
00:05:58,133 --> 00:06:00,077
Vine? Yeah. Mate. Yeah.

112
00:06:00,089 --> 00:06:02,098
I'd rather drink my own spleen.

113
00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:04,075
Sure? Yeah.

114
00:06:14,158 --> 00:06:16,143
We're going on holiday.

115
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Hooray!

116
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:20,168
Hi!

117
00:06:21,084 --> 00:06:26,086
Hi, Sandstrom.
Hello. I've just erm...
I've brought you a little something.

118
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I just felt bad that you don't get
any treats. And it's quite tricky
in space, isn't it?

119
00:06:30,176 --> 00:06:34,149
Us girls have got to stick together,
so I've got you chocolate.

120
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Swiss stuff.

121
00:06:36,170 --> 00:06:39,135
I am only permitted to
eat nourishment gel.

122
00:06:39,151 --> 00:06:42,112
Nourishment gel has
all the nourishment I need.

123
00:06:42,132 --> 00:06:46,177
No, absolutely. But I have to
tell you, this is delicious. Go on.

124
00:06:47,093 --> 00:06:49,170
I know not of chocolate.

125
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Swiss stuff.

126
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,117
Ooh! Yes. It's nice, isn't it?

127
00:06:57,133 --> 00:07:00,126
I actually usually prefer
the 70% dark chocolate.

128
00:07:06,148 --> 00:07:08,148
Chocolate! Swiss stuff!

129
00:07:10,133 --> 00:07:12,182
It happened so fast, you see.

130
00:07:13,102 --> 00:07:17,171
I mean, I was very much
on the other side of the room
doing something else entirely.

131
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,144
And then she just kind of went...

132
00:07:22,125 --> 00:07:24,166
York! Get her off!

133
00:07:24,186 --> 00:07:29,127
Ah, the enhanced.
Emotion and passion vying with
the cold logic of circuitry.

134
00:07:29,143 --> 00:07:31,120
A heady brew. Yes.

135
00:07:31,136 --> 00:07:34,185
I just really hope she doesn't
have to miss the officers' dinner.

136
00:07:34,201 --> 00:07:37,114
This could take days to correct.

137
00:07:37,130 --> 00:07:40,187
That is such a shame. I shall have
to access her digi-spine. Right.

138
00:07:44,161 --> 00:07:46,177
British country hike, please.

139
00:07:46,197 --> 00:07:52,131
'Select Peak District, Chilterns,
or A Taste of Scotland.'
Er, Chilterns.

140
00:07:52,147 --> 00:07:54,192
'Beginning.'

141
00:07:54,204 --> 00:07:56,197
Oh, yeah, this is nice.

142
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,193
Don't get much chance to do this.

143
00:07:58,209 --> 00:08:01,134
'Would you like me to add
realistic terrain?'

144
00:08:01,150 --> 00:08:03,115
Yeah, why not?

145
00:08:06,192 --> 00:08:08,149
Oh.

146
00:08:08,165 --> 00:08:11,170
There's litter in there. That is
a fag packet. That's litter!

147
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,182
'Realistic terrain was requested.'

148
00:08:13,198 --> 00:08:16,167
Yeah, but it's just a
little bit too realistic.

149
00:08:16,187 --> 00:08:22,217
That's a condom!
Are you telling me there's a part of
this ship that stores old condoms...

150
00:08:23,138 --> 00:08:26,135
and dog shit,
just for the Chiltern walk?

151
00:08:26,151 --> 00:08:28,179
'Realistic terrain was requested.'

152
00:08:28,195 --> 00:08:31,140
I can't believe that.
End, end the hike.

153
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:36,150
'Please replace realistic terrain
in the hopper provided
so that others may enjoy it.'

154
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:40,147
I don't know if you can see these
but it means I do not
pick up dog eggs.

155
00:08:41,204 --> 00:08:43,152
Have you got any gloves?

156
00:08:43,164 --> 00:08:44,213
'No.'

157
00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:46,218
ENGINE REVS UP

158
00:08:49,131 --> 00:08:50,223
Bye-bye! See you Monday!

159
00:08:54,132 --> 00:08:55,229
Well. Well, well, well.

160
00:09:02,199 --> 00:09:04,184
You stun-sticked me, you tosser!

161
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,196
Where's the radio?
Didn't bring one.

162
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,193
We're getting away from it all.

163
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,218
Tell me there's booze.

164
00:09:14,139 --> 00:09:16,148
Food?

165
00:09:16,168 --> 00:09:20,229
If I brought food, there wouldn't
be enough room for the giant chess.
We'll forage for food.

166
00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:22,230
Forms of life, none.

167
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:31,201
There. An enhanced digi-brain
anomaly corrected in...

168
00:09:31,217 --> 00:09:34,186
3.147 hours.

169
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:37,167
York, you have excelled yourself.

170
00:09:37,179 --> 00:09:39,235
And now, awake.

171
00:09:40,232 --> 00:09:44,229
Right then, I'll just go
straight through. Hello, I'm Becky.

172
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:50,199
So this enhancement thingy,
are you really gonna pay off
my student loan?

173
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,208
Blimey! Where do I sign?

174
00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:54,169
Yeah, yeah, I'll read that.

175
00:09:54,181 --> 00:09:56,233
Erm, "Enhancement process

176
00:09:56,249 --> 00:10:02,175
"may cause slight dizziness
and/or severe personality change."

177
00:10:02,191 --> 00:10:04,232
Oh, it'll be all right.

178
00:10:04,248 --> 00:10:07,233
You wouldn't be doing it
if it wasn't gonna...

179
00:10:07,249 --> 00:10:10,214
You shouldn't have these memories.

180
00:10:10,226 --> 00:10:12,251
I wonder if you dream?

181
00:10:13,163 --> 00:10:14,203
Sandstrom?

182
00:10:18,257 --> 00:10:23,162
Sandy...? Nourishment gel has
all the nourishment I need.

183
00:10:23,178 --> 00:10:27,188
Chocolate. Swiss stuff. Chocolate.

184
00:10:27,204 --> 00:10:29,252
Something is afoot. Data mosaic,

185
00:10:30,169 --> 00:10:33,190
show data footprints for all
officers in the last 48 hours.

186
00:10:34,246 --> 00:10:36,247
Expand.

187
00:10:36,259 --> 00:10:38,195
File open.

188
00:10:38,207 --> 00:10:40,204
Display.

189
00:10:40,216 --> 00:10:42,237
Rotate.

190
00:10:42,249 --> 00:10:44,197
Magnify.

191
00:10:45,254 --> 00:10:47,210
Ah!

192
00:10:47,222 --> 00:10:48,263
I have you now!

193
00:11:03,264 --> 00:11:05,225
Oh!

194
00:11:05,237 --> 00:11:08,222
Surprised to see me, Teal?

195
00:11:09,214 --> 00:11:11,243
Well, I just thought you were busy.

196
00:11:11,263 --> 00:11:16,272
A lot of mysterious things have
been happening to the officers on
this ship lately, wouldn't you say?

197
00:11:17,189 --> 00:11:19,185
Question for you, Teal.

198
00:11:19,205 --> 00:11:24,247
Who knows the effect
the ingestion of chocolate
would have on Sandstrom?

199
00:11:24,263 --> 00:11:27,216
Suggested answer for you, Teal.

200
00:11:27,236 --> 00:11:34,218
Perhaps the same person who studied
Sandstrom's on-line manual last
Thursday between 8.03 and 8.49pm.

201
00:11:34,238 --> 00:11:37,275
Eh, Teal? What are you saying
Mr York? What are you doing?

202
00:11:38,192 --> 00:11:39,264
Oh, you're good.

203
00:11:39,276 --> 00:11:42,197
You're very good.

204
00:11:42,213 --> 00:11:46,190
At first I suspected Jeffers,
but he's on Vine's new world.

205
00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:52,236
The new world, incidentally,
that he bought in his insane
rivalry with one Alice99.

206
00:11:52,256 --> 00:11:56,202
Now, remind me,
if you'd be so good please, Teal.

207
00:11:56,218 --> 00:11:58,254
What is your middle name?
No, wait a minute.

208
00:11:58,270 --> 00:12:01,267
I'm sure I can remember it,
it's on the tip of my tongue.

209
00:12:01,283 --> 00:12:04,216
Oh, yes, isn't it Alice?

210
00:12:04,228 --> 00:12:05,229
Um...

211
00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:06,281
is it...

212
00:12:07,197 --> 00:12:10,291
is it Alice? I've just erm...
D'you know, I think it is.

213
00:12:11,207 --> 00:12:12,291
Quite a coincidence. Isn't it? Yes.

214
00:12:13,212 --> 00:12:20,294
Yes. Then, during the course of
my investigations, I was enveloped
in a cloud of sedative gas.

215
00:12:21,214 --> 00:12:26,204
But whoever was responsible
for that dirty little trick,

216
00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:30,225
can't have known I spent a year
with the priests of Quividin,

217
00:12:30,245 --> 00:12:34,259
where I learnt to hold my breath
for seven and a half hours.

218
00:12:34,279 --> 00:12:38,288
And it was then that I knew
who was behind all of this.

219
00:12:39,208 --> 00:12:44,230
It was then that I realised, Teal,
that you, Teal,

220
00:12:44,246 --> 00:12:46,247
are not Teal.

221
00:12:46,263 --> 00:12:51,304
You are a shape-changing Limahal
of Rathomon in the form of Teal

222
00:12:52,225 --> 00:12:57,234
and you are removing the officers
of this ship one by one.

223
00:12:57,254 --> 00:13:01,216
Sorry, I just have no idea
what you just said Mr York,

224
00:13:01,236 --> 00:13:04,225
but we've all been working
very hard lately, and, oh...

225
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,253
This nebuliser
contains a special dioxin.

226
00:13:06,273 --> 00:13:11,295
Just one spray will reveal your
true and hideous form. Look, York...

227
00:13:11,311 --> 00:13:13,280
Oh, it's quite refreshing.

228
00:13:14,308 --> 00:13:18,242
Don't, don't.
Metamorphose, you swine!

229
00:13:24,232 --> 00:13:27,269
I'm not a shape-changing Limahal,
Mr York.

230
00:13:27,285 --> 00:13:29,261
I am a woman...

231
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,318
..with a woman's needs.

232
00:13:33,235 --> 00:13:35,303
And I just wanted to spend some time
with a certain man,

233
00:13:35,319 --> 00:13:38,252
and the officers' dinner
was coming up tonight

234
00:13:38,272 --> 00:13:45,279
and I thought, "What if it was
just me and him, with nobody else
to spoil it? Just once!"

235
00:13:45,295 --> 00:13:47,315
Have a lovely weekend.

236
00:13:53,293 --> 00:13:55,250
'Door opening.'

237
00:13:56,322 --> 00:13:58,279
Good evening. Hello.

238
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,276
You all right? You look nice.

239
00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:04,249
Is that new? Thank you.

240
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:06,250
Where are the others?

241
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:09,247
Oh, they cancelled, so it's erm...

242
00:14:09,259 --> 00:14:10,323
just us. Oh...ow!

243
00:14:11,239 --> 00:14:14,296
Sorry. Teal, you got my lens, man!
No, leave it.

244
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,329
All the more for us!

245
00:14:18,286 --> 00:14:19,298
Gentlemen.

246
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:21,303
Voila!

247
00:14:23,324 --> 00:14:29,322
There you go. So what's on the
menu tonight? It's always
food from the Nevillian era.

248
00:14:29,338 --> 00:14:33,259
It's Wotsits. Ooh, very posh.

249
00:14:33,271 --> 00:14:35,316
You being mother? Yes, please do.

250
00:14:40,269 --> 00:14:42,346
Yes, keep going. Just one more.

251
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:44,303
I'll have that one.

252
00:14:44,315 --> 00:14:45,339
Mmmm!

253
00:14:46,251 --> 00:14:47,292
Yeah, that's fine.

254
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,352
How you doing? All right?

255
00:15:02,265 --> 00:15:04,309
Yes, thank you. Good.

256
00:15:05,318 --> 00:15:08,271
Your sleeve's going in the food.
Sorry.

257
00:15:09,303 --> 00:15:11,304
Chin-chin!

258
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,313
Good.

259
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,350
Hungry.

260
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,302
So...

261
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:33,347
..just...

262
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:37,273
..just the two of us having dinner.

263
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:41,346
You know anyone who saw us
might think... No, they wouldn't.

264
00:15:41,362 --> 00:15:44,279
D'you not think? No.

265
00:15:50,309 --> 00:15:53,294
It'll pick up speed.
Just needs to warm up.

266
00:15:54,350 --> 00:15:56,299
Is it from a Kinder Egg?

267
00:15:57,355 --> 00:15:59,336
Ah. Hang on a mo.

268
00:16:05,294 --> 00:16:06,350
Boulder.

269
00:16:10,288 --> 00:16:11,372
Where are we going?

270
00:16:12,284 --> 00:16:15,341
We're just leaving Vine City One.

271
00:16:15,357 --> 00:16:21,283
Then we could follow Vine Ridge.
That'll take us to the Vale of Vine.

272
00:16:21,303 --> 00:16:25,297
What if there was another pioneer?
Would he get anything
named after him?

273
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:29,346
Well, everything's got names now.
I can't just change them all
willy-nilly.

274
00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:32,379
Oh, look!
You can see Vine Rock from here.

275
00:16:33,295 --> 00:16:34,384
SOFT MUSIC PLAYS

276
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:41,334
The music
is the pipes of the Gothanil.

277
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:44,371
They say it's the most romantic
music in the galaxy.

278
00:16:45,292 --> 00:16:48,297
Is it? Apparently you can get
pregnant just by listening to it.

279
00:16:48,313 --> 00:16:50,329
We'd better be careful. Mm.

280
00:16:50,341 --> 00:16:51,374
Mm-mm!

281
00:16:54,331 --> 00:16:57,320
What a lovely meal that was.

282
00:16:59,324 --> 00:17:01,317
It must be getting quite late.

283
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:04,370
Half seven, wow.

284
00:17:04,382 --> 00:17:07,355
Thank you so much for that meal.

285
00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:12,329
And you were marvellous company
as always, Miss Teal. And er...
Thank you, Commander.

286
00:17:12,345 --> 00:17:13,393
And, um...

287
00:17:15,354 --> 00:17:19,367
Bye! Oh, hang on you can't go yet
because we now have drinks, don't we?

288
00:17:19,387 --> 00:17:22,340
Cognac in the Commander's Quarters.
Yeah, well...

289
00:17:22,356 --> 00:17:24,377
It's just the two of us,
so we needn't do that.

290
00:17:24,397 --> 00:17:30,327
It's tradition. You wouldn't want
to break with tradition, would you?
No, I can't have officers' drinks.

291
00:17:30,343 --> 00:17:32,347
Not tonight. Why not?!

292
00:17:34,392 --> 00:17:36,353
Because I'm...

293
00:17:37,401 --> 00:17:42,355
I'm going to go
to the cadets' ball.

294
00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:46,356
Yep. I got an invite and I'm going
to go for once, because, er...

295
00:17:46,372 --> 00:17:48,357
I was a cadet once. Really?

296
00:17:48,373 --> 00:17:50,378
You should tell people.

297
00:17:52,390 --> 00:17:54,339
Teal...

298
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,321
You'll be all right, won't you?

299
00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:01,413
Yes, I'll be fine. I'll just...

300
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,414
tidy up, cos the robots
never do a good job, so...

301
00:18:05,331 --> 00:18:06,399
OK. All right, well...

302
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:14,342
Look, maybe we can both go
to the cadets' ball.

303
00:18:14,358 --> 00:18:15,402
They're a lot of fun.

304
00:18:17,323 --> 00:18:20,324
Unless...you know,
you've got something else planned?

305
00:18:21,336 --> 00:18:25,337
I might do. All right,
well, if you change your mind.

306
00:18:25,353 --> 00:18:27,342
No, no. I will, I will! Commander!

307
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:43,395
Told you we'd find some food.
Yeah, you did.

308
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:48,425
You did not tell me we'd have to
break into a crashed Russian ship
full of dead cosmonauts

309
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:53,407
and scavenge their dead men's
rations out of their frozen,
dead fingers. Hey!

310
00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,428
No moaning on my world, OK?

311
00:18:57,384 --> 00:19:00,349
Right. Let's get this fire going.

312
00:19:05,431 --> 00:19:07,420
Good, isn't it? Couple of mates.

313
00:19:07,432 --> 00:19:10,381
Couple of buddies, a nice fire.

314
00:19:10,401 --> 00:19:14,370
We work in the same room.
We don't know each other that well,
not really.

315
00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:17,387
Well, let's talk. Tell me things.
Tell me about your family.

316
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:20,404
I never talk about them.
You do here.

317
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:23,413
You really want to know? Yeah.

318
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:28,359
All right then. Well, my mum died
two months before I was born, sadly.

319
00:19:28,379 --> 00:19:32,440
I was raised by Space Pancakes,
which was good, but we had
this fear of maple sy...

320
00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:46,445
My dad brought me up.

321
00:19:47,361 --> 00:19:49,398
He was a software engineer,
a good one.

322
00:19:51,378 --> 00:19:53,447
When I was about five, he got sick,

323
00:19:54,363 --> 00:19:56,432
really ill.
They gave him about six months.

324
00:19:56,452 --> 00:20:02,402
So he wrote a program
which was like a version of him,
to bring me up when he'd gone.

325
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,407
And it worked.

326
00:20:04,423 --> 00:20:08,368
If I went to swing on the curtains,
the program said, "Go to your room."

327
00:20:08,384 --> 00:20:09,445
And I did.

328
00:20:10,453 --> 00:20:16,427
It'd order me a birthday present,
and print off a little paper hat
and say, "I'm proud of you, son."

329
00:20:19,364 --> 00:20:21,405
Then one night,

330
00:20:21,417 --> 00:20:23,429
I was fifteen,

331
00:20:23,441 --> 00:20:25,398
I came in very late.

332
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:30,404
The programme was furious.
It said, "Where were you?

333
00:20:30,420 --> 00:20:34,397
"I was really worried.
We never talk any more."

334
00:20:34,413 --> 00:20:38,386
And I said, "You're not my real dad!

335
00:20:38,398 --> 00:20:40,439
"You're just a piece of code!"

336
00:20:40,451 --> 00:20:42,392
And I deleted it.

337
00:20:48,454 --> 00:20:52,383
Next morning, I tried to recover
the data, but I couldn't.

338
00:20:54,388 --> 00:20:55,436
I never got it back.

339
00:21:01,454 --> 00:21:05,399
There's something I never
told you about myself.

340
00:21:05,419 --> 00:21:09,413
Ever since... Oh, don't bother.
It's not going to beat my story.

341
00:21:09,429 --> 00:21:10,457
Well, nobody knows this...

342
00:21:10,473 --> 00:21:13,422
Does it beat my story? No. No.
Get the barbecue on.

343
00:21:19,424 --> 00:21:23,406
I hope you know how to
square dance, Miss Teal. I do.

344
00:21:23,422 --> 00:21:24,434
Ooh!

345
00:21:25,438 --> 00:21:27,387
Strong.

346
00:21:30,464 --> 00:21:32,473
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

347
00:21:42,472 --> 00:21:46,469
Piretti! Oi! What is that?

348
00:21:46,485 --> 00:21:51,403
Sex In The Middle. OK, you go
to the middle, and you have sex.

349
00:21:51,423 --> 00:21:55,488
Breaks the ice, you know.
Gets it going for later.
Do you want some mould? Mould?

350
00:21:56,405 --> 00:21:58,401
Grows in the missile tubes.

351
00:21:58,417 --> 00:22:01,426
Oh, gets you there, man,
I'm telling ya!

352
00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:06,400
Commander, I want you to know
I made them watch the
Drugs Are Not Your Friend film.

353
00:22:06,496 --> 00:22:11,414
Oh, Commander! She's wearing tops
but no bottoms.

354
00:22:11,478 --> 00:22:13,471
That's ruder than nothing at all.

355
00:22:13,487 --> 00:22:17,460
Cool. Hey, it's time for puke
chains! Who's up for puke chains?

356
00:22:17,476 --> 00:22:19,445
Puke chains! Yeah!

357
00:22:19,457 --> 00:22:21,481
I don't want to do puke chains!

358
00:22:23,502 --> 00:22:25,471
Go, go, go!

359
00:22:30,468 --> 00:22:33,421
Mmmm, smell that!

360
00:22:34,438 --> 00:22:35,462
Let's see your hand.

361
00:22:36,470 --> 00:22:39,423
You didn't touch the ground,
did you?

362
00:22:39,439 --> 00:22:41,472
I just wanted to run my fingers
through the soil.

363
00:22:41,492 --> 00:22:45,453
Look what it's done!
And now you've touched the meat.
I won't eat it now.

364
00:22:45,469 --> 00:22:47,502
I'll eat it then.
No, don't you eat it.

365
00:22:48,418 --> 00:22:49,487
Vine! Vine!

366
00:22:50,447 --> 00:22:51,495
Vine!

367
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:56,505
It's shit!

368
00:22:59,470 --> 00:23:01,419
Shit!

369
00:23:03,499 --> 00:23:05,448
It's all shit!

370
00:23:08,441 --> 00:23:10,458
My world is rubbish!

371
00:23:12,502 --> 00:23:14,459
80,000 credits!

372
00:23:15,507 --> 00:23:17,488
I was going to buy a pub with that.

373
00:23:19,433 --> 00:23:23,430
You can sell it on.
Who'd want this crap?

374
00:23:23,446 --> 00:23:26,459
Municipal authority might
want it for young offenders.

375
00:23:26,475 --> 00:23:27,488
I'm such an twat.

376
00:23:31,501 --> 00:23:35,454
Look, when we were out earlier,
I saw something.

377
00:23:35,470 --> 00:23:38,471
Come and have a look.
You'll like it. Come on.

378
00:23:38,487 --> 00:23:40,508
Don't touch me, yeah?

379
00:23:47,494 --> 00:23:49,531
Thank you.

380
00:23:50,443 --> 00:23:51,520
I mean,

381
00:23:51,532 --> 00:23:54,465
when did I get so old?

382
00:23:54,481 --> 00:23:57,446
Well, it's not one particular
moment with age, is it?

383
00:23:57,462 --> 00:24:01,471
It's more an ongoing process
of cellular decay.

384
00:24:01,487 --> 00:24:04,452
Teal, let's go to the sex room.

385
00:24:05,508 --> 00:24:06,517
What?

386
00:24:07,517 --> 00:24:09,514
D'you want...? Yes!

387
00:24:10,502 --> 00:24:12,523
You know, I mean...

388
00:24:13,507 --> 00:24:15,528
Why should they get all the fun?
Yes.

389
00:24:16,448 --> 00:24:20,445
No. Oh no,
we really should book the Sex Room
at least two weeks in advance.

390
00:24:20,465 --> 00:24:23,474
So if we reschedule then that'll...
You know what? Yes?

391
00:24:23,490 --> 00:24:27,452
I am Commander of this ship.
Yes, you are.

392
00:24:27,468 --> 00:24:31,457
And, Chloe, I shall ruddy well
command it to open.

393
00:24:31,473 --> 00:24:33,470
You shall ruddy well
command it to open!

394
00:24:33,486 --> 00:24:35,475
That is so majestic.

395
00:24:48,527 --> 00:24:51,468
Wow. Yeah. Hey, try this.

396
00:24:51,484 --> 00:24:53,493
AH-H-H-H-H!
HIS SHOUT ECHOES

397
00:24:53,505 --> 00:24:54,553
Go on. Shout something.

398
00:24:55,465 --> 00:24:57,462
Loud as you like.

399
00:24:57,474 --> 00:24:58,514
Hello there!

400
00:24:58,530 --> 00:25:01,511
Come on. You can do better
than that. Let it out.

401
00:25:01,527 --> 00:25:04,524
I'VE WASTED ALL MY MONEY
AND I'LL NEVER GET A PUB!

402
00:25:04,540 --> 00:25:06,501
Go on. Fantastic. More.

403
00:25:06,517 --> 00:25:11,471
Space Force is a waste of my life!
Yeah. Come on, do me. Slag me off.

404
00:25:11,491 --> 00:25:13,519
No, you're all right. Go on.
You'll feel better.

405
00:25:13,535 --> 00:25:15,524
JEFFERS IS A BIG ARSE!

406
00:25:15,540 --> 00:25:18,545
HE THINKS HE'S CLEVER, BUT
EVERYONE ON THE SHIP SAYS HE A...

407
00:25:18,561 --> 00:25:19,549
That's enough.

408
00:25:21,514 --> 00:25:23,527
Wow. This is amazing.

409
00:25:28,536 --> 00:25:29,553
Thanks, mate.

410
00:25:29,565 --> 00:25:31,469
Yeah.

411
00:25:31,485 --> 00:25:33,518
You know, this is
going to need a name.

412
00:25:33,534 --> 00:25:36,511
I think I know what
I'm going to call it.

413
00:25:37,568 --> 00:25:40,493
Vine Canyon.

414
00:25:44,482 --> 00:25:45,518
Oh! Sorry.

415
00:25:46,539 --> 00:25:49,492
Oh-h! Oh-h! Oh-h!

416
00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:02,552
TEAL LAUGHS

417
00:26:02,564 --> 00:26:04,493
Oh, Commander...

418
00:26:04,505 --> 00:26:05,505
Michael...

419
00:26:06,493 --> 00:26:07,550
Mike... Mm.

420
00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:10,511
I've been waiting for
this moment for so long.

421
00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:11,579
GLOVE SQUEAKS
Ooh.

422
00:26:12,491 --> 00:26:13,484
Oh!

423
00:26:14,576 --> 00:26:16,541
That's good!

424
00:26:16,561 --> 00:26:21,490
Get them on. I'm not sure these
things really do anything
to me to be honest...

425
00:26:21,506 --> 00:26:22,547
Woo-ooh!

426
00:26:22,559 --> 00:26:24,503
Mmmm!

427
00:26:24,515 --> 00:26:25,560
Bloody hell!

428
00:26:25,572 --> 00:26:27,560
Oh!

429
00:26:27,576 --> 00:26:31,570
We're not too old, are we?
We can still have fun.

430
00:26:31,582 --> 00:26:32,578
Yes!

431
00:26:33,490 --> 00:26:35,587
We can have meaningless sex.

432
00:26:38,496 --> 00:26:41,569
It doesn't have
to mean anything, does it?

433
00:26:46,539 --> 00:26:50,576
Hey, Teal! I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. Please don't go.

434
00:26:51,497 --> 00:26:55,550
I shall report for duty at 8am
on Monday morning, Commander.
Please don't go.

435
00:26:55,566 --> 00:26:56,574
Teal?

436
00:27:05,529 --> 00:27:07,538
'Please state setting.'

437
00:27:07,550 --> 00:27:08,590
One person.

438
00:27:09,503 --> 00:27:10,503
GLOVE SQUEAKS

439
00:27:10,515 --> 00:27:11,555
Ow!

440
00:27:11,567 --> 00:27:13,584
Ah-h-h-h!

441
00:27:15,557 --> 00:27:17,577
'It's Monday morning.

442
00:27:17,589 --> 00:27:19,602
'Attention, all crew.

443
00:27:20,522 --> 00:27:26,508
'Today's meeting in the
inter-denominational worship room
is for the Norse religion.

444
00:27:27,525 --> 00:27:29,553
'If you worship the Norse gods,

445
00:27:29,569 --> 00:27:33,511
'or you're just considering
letting Thor into your life,

446
00:27:33,527 --> 00:27:36,564
'get down to the worship room
on Level Four.'

447
00:27:47,531 --> 00:27:48,532
Halt!

448
00:27:50,588 --> 00:27:52,529
Officer Chloe Teal,

449
00:27:52,545 --> 00:27:54,590
for sabotage and restraint
of fellow officers,

450
00:27:54,610 --> 00:27:58,519
you are sentenced to three days
in the rehabilitation cube.

451
00:27:58,539 --> 00:28:01,548
I personally believe you're
getting off very lightly.

452
00:28:02,557 --> 00:28:03,605
I'm very sorry.

453
00:28:04,521 --> 00:28:07,534
Vine, you can have your
bolero jacket if you want.

454
00:28:07,550 --> 00:28:10,583
Really? Yes. I'll give you
a planet. No. Swapsies. No.

455
00:28:10,599 --> 00:28:11,612
Thank you, though.

456
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:14,561
'Rehabilitation cube closing.'

457
00:28:16,553 --> 00:28:17,586
Go on. Dismissed.

458
00:28:21,583 --> 00:28:23,592
Will you wait for me, Commander?

459
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,529
Commander?