1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1
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Attention all crew.
Missing Earth weather?

2
00:00:24,056 --> 00:00:28,084
Get down to level nine
for wind week.

3
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,048
Today's wind:
a stiff Atlantic breeze.

4
00:00:32,064 --> 00:00:36,016
Tomorrow's wind is a mystery gust.

5
00:00:36,032 --> 00:00:41,044
Find out which one at wind week,
on level nine.

6
00:00:41,060 --> 00:00:43,048
There's nothing here.

7
00:00:43,064 --> 00:00:47,008
All right.
Scan Box 8, subsection 12 W.

8
00:00:47,024 --> 00:00:50,004
Starboard array initiate - scanning.

9
00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:51,072
Has anybody seen my pen?

10
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,048
It's green with sparkles.

11
00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:55,028
They're out there somewhere.

12
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They'll be snared in the
British net like bad mackerel.

13
00:00:58,072 --> 00:01:02,008
Seriously guys, I do not want
to go back to labelling all my pens.

14
00:01:02,024 --> 00:01:04,024
There's no smugglers round here.

15
00:01:04,036 --> 00:01:06,020
Really. OK, then, what's that?

16
00:01:07,076 --> 00:01:10,084
It's a bit of a Malteser.

17
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,068
Guys, can you all
give your consoles a good wipe.

18
00:01:13,084 --> 00:01:16,068
Really give it the arm, please.

19
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,020
Futile. Utterly futile!

20
00:01:19,036 --> 00:01:23,096
We patrol the same boxes over
and over again. And for what?

21
00:01:24,012 --> 00:01:25,088
Nothing! And why?

22
00:01:26,004 --> 00:01:29,024
Because Denmark
has all the good boxes!

23
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,008
It's a joint operation, York.
We're all mucking in.

24
00:01:32,024 --> 00:01:34,024
But they choose their boxes,

25
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:38,004
and so they get all the spoils,
all the plaudits.

26
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And you go along with it.

27
00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:44,032
Like the worm that loves the
robin that sups upon its marrow.

28
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Found it. Yippee! My favourite one.

29
00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:51,080
There's no room
for ego in the fight against the
menace of the spectre of drugs.

30
00:01:51,096 --> 00:01:53,040
I've read about that new drug.

31
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You look at it, you're addicted.

32
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Initially it gets you what they call
"high", and then about a week later
you think you are your own teeth.

33
00:02:01,072 --> 00:02:04,004
Sounds ghastly. It's all right.

34
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:09,012
Just drink plenty of water, make
sure you've got a loaf of bread
for the comedown, and you're fine.

35
00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:10,068
We'll sweep the box again.

36
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Sandstrom, turn and retrace course.

37
00:02:12,096 --> 00:02:15,028
Stand on your head and
wank down your nose.

38
00:02:15,044 --> 00:02:19,016
She's got a virus, I know.
You said you'd fix it.

39
00:02:19,036 --> 00:02:23,020
Thought she had Ploppymouth One.
She has Ploppymouth Two. Gonna take
a while.

40
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:27,076
Gosh, look at this! Single craft.
Very small. Range, one gigamile.

41
00:02:27,096 --> 00:02:30,096
What are the nay-sayers saying now,
Mr York? Not nay, is it?

42
00:02:31,012 --> 00:02:33,088
I think it's yay. That's good.
Thank you.

43
00:02:34,004 --> 00:02:37,004
Vine, pursuit course.
Sandstrom, follow at 35 Vs.

44
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:40,032
Big yellow fannysplash!
Oh, this, this on the bridge.

45
00:02:40,048 --> 00:02:42,052
I'm on it. It's rude. Tut, tut.

46
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:56,000
Teal, why don't you do the contact?
Airscreen, visualate!

47
00:02:56,020 --> 00:03:01,012
Hello. We are the British ship
HMS Camden Lock. Hi there!

48
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Just sorry, are you smuggling?
Because you shouldn't,
drugs are bad, so can you stop?

49
00:03:05,072 --> 00:03:07,060
Give me that. Attention.

50
00:03:07,076 --> 00:03:10,016
This area is under
British surveillance.

51
00:03:10,032 --> 00:03:14,056
We are authorised by HM Customs
and Excise to use maximum force.

52
00:03:14,076 --> 00:03:18,072
Therefore come out of your ship with
at least two years' VAT receipts...

53
00:03:18,088 --> 00:03:20,092
or die.

54
00:03:21,004 --> 00:03:22,084
No response, Commander.

55
00:03:22,096 --> 00:03:25,040
Death shall be their girlfriend.

56
00:03:25,052 --> 00:03:27,076
I've seen that ship before.

57
00:03:27,088 --> 00:03:29,096
Vine, extrapolate the course.

58
00:03:30,008 --> 00:03:32,028
Ten. Nine.

59
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,008
Four. Three.

60
00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:36,048
Zer... Stop!

61
00:03:36,064 --> 00:03:40,056
That's Clare Winchester! The round
the galaxy solo spacewoman!

62
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Oh, her. Breaks all the records.

63
00:03:43,048 --> 00:03:46,004
Started from nothing.
She ain't got no friends.

64
00:03:46,024 --> 00:03:49,080
That's the one. She won't have
seen a British soul in two years.

65
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,024
Why don't we surprise her?
20 laser salute!

66
00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:55,084
A pointless indulgence!
She'll love it! Pull alongside.
Piss.

67
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:11,068
You know, she won the Earth to Mars
race aged 13

68
00:04:11,088 --> 00:04:14,032
in a ship her dad built
from an old Land Rover.

69
00:04:14,048 --> 00:04:17,004
What d'you think about that?

70
00:04:17,016 --> 00:04:22,008
Exactly. Set lasers to patriotic.

71
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:23,088
Commander.

72
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,020
Commencify!

73
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RULE BRITANNIA PLAYS

74
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Airscreen on.

75
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SHE SCREAMS WILDLY

76
00:04:40,004 --> 00:04:41,000
HE CHUCKLES

77
00:04:41,016 --> 00:04:45,020
Hello. I am Commander Michael
Henderson of the HMS Camden Lock.

78
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The lights! The lights! Noooo!

79
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I'd just like to say on behalf of me
and my crew,

80
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:55,016
and all your loved ones back in
Blighty, just for the record -
attagirl!

81
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,032
CALMLY: They're in my head.

82
00:05:00,096 --> 00:05:04,068
The lights are in my head.
Oh. Dig them out.

83
00:05:04,084 --> 00:05:06,084
Dig them out. Be fine, probably.

84
00:05:06,096 --> 00:05:08,080
Clare Winchester.

85
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:13,000
YORK MUMBLES
Thank you.

86
00:05:13,016 --> 00:05:15,092
You know, I mean...
YORK MUMBLES

87
00:05:16,008 --> 00:05:18,076
in retrospect...
YORK MUMBLES

88
00:05:18,092 --> 00:05:21,036
I don't think she's very well.
Thank you.

89
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HE MUMBLES

90
00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:27,044
I mean, she's been on her own
for a long time.

91
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:30,004
I think...

92
00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:33,004
I think she's gone off the
rails a little bit.

93
00:05:33,020 --> 00:05:37,060
What I'm going to do is
I'm gonna go over there

94
00:05:37,076 --> 00:05:40,004
and put her back in the saddle.

95
00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:42,088
So, you're neglecting our mission.
And for what?

96
00:05:43,004 --> 00:05:46,000
A Brit in distress.
A famous British person in distress.

97
00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:50,008
It's not like that.
You think she's going
to mention you in her next book.

98
00:05:50,024 --> 00:05:51,080
Invite you to award ceremonies.

99
00:05:51,096 --> 00:05:55,020
Call her next ship
The Golden Henderson or something.

100
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:59,064
It's almost too pathetic to
snigger at, but not quite. Ha!

101
00:05:59,084 --> 00:06:04,008
You are totally wrong.
And The Golden Henderson is a
very good name for a ship.

102
00:06:04,028 --> 00:06:06,072
Leave him alone.
I will. On a ship for several hours

103
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with an attractive young
woman starved of company.

104
00:06:10,032 --> 00:06:14,048
Actually, I don't think you should
go. Come on. Commander. Yeah, Vine?

105
00:06:14,064 --> 00:06:16,064
The Danish guy's on the air screen.

106
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Does he look like he's got the hump?
Oh, yes.

107
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Hump. Let's go.

108
00:06:22,032 --> 00:06:25,068
Come here. Well, I've heard that she
doesn't even fly her own ship.

109
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Come on, get out. Henderson.

110
00:06:27,088 --> 00:06:30,076
We see you are
straying into box number nine.

111
00:06:30,092 --> 00:06:33,044
We thought eight, nine, pretty
close, what the hey?

112
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We feel talents such as yours are
best deployed in Box number eight.

113
00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:40,000
Oh, sorry, I couldn't quite
catch that.

114
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:44,036
I think there is a little bit of
astral interference your end. Hello?

115
00:06:44,056 --> 00:06:49,024
Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?
Hello? Hello?

116
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:53,068
INTERFERENCE, THEY ALL WHISTLE

117
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,008
Hello, welcome to Copenhagen...

118
00:06:56,020 --> 00:06:58,092
Eeeehhhhhhh...and...

119
00:06:59,008 --> 00:07:03,000
Pretty good one today.
Pretty good one.

120
00:07:21,064 --> 00:07:23,096
Oscillating cable flux - check.

121
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:26,096
Trim starboard sail five degrees.

122
00:07:27,008 --> 00:07:29,024
Yes, I am doing it right!

123
00:07:29,036 --> 00:07:30,096
I checked that half an hour ago!

124
00:07:31,012 --> 00:07:34,028
OK, look, I think we have got
some serious issues to discuss.

125
00:07:34,048 --> 00:07:38,028
OK, if you're not going to trust
me in the navigation of... Hello!

126
00:07:38,048 --> 00:07:40,096
What a smashing
little set up you got!

127
00:07:41,012 --> 00:07:44,048
Get out! Get out of my ship!

128
00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:46,028
Get out! Clare Winchester.

129
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,008
Yeah. Commander Henderson.

130
00:07:49,024 --> 00:07:53,056
I spoke to you from the Camden Lock,
on the airscreen. Oh. Hi.

131
00:07:53,076 --> 00:07:57,072
I'm doing a solo mission
which means I have to be alone
or it doesn't count.

132
00:07:57,088 --> 00:07:59,044
So it's nice to meet you, but bye.

133
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,048
I was close,
I thought I'd pop over...

134
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:04,076
That's sweet, but I just can't...
Hold still. Wahey!

135
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,052
One for the album, eh?
BEEPING

136
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:09,088
That is why I can't have anyone...
Sixth.

137
00:08:10,004 --> 00:08:14,028
Oh God! It's amazing, what's
all this? Look at this table.

138
00:08:14,048 --> 00:08:17,000
I don't like it, the spankies
get in and make me...

139
00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:19,072
A little toilet. Don't touch
that...that's got...

140
00:08:19,092 --> 00:08:23,092
It's run out of the cleaner stuff
and it's gone really quite... Yeah.

141
00:08:24,008 --> 00:08:25,084
God, I knew it. Wow!

142
00:08:25,096 --> 00:08:27,040
Ends in a nine!

143
00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:30,092
Nine pocket, eight pocket, seven
six five pocket, four pocket,
three pocket, two pocket, one.

144
00:08:31,012 --> 00:08:34,060
Wow, what a good cake. No!
No, that's my only slice.

145
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:40,036
I'm sorry you can't have that,
cos I'm saving that for the
Christmas after next. And...

146
00:08:40,056 --> 00:08:47,024
Look, you know it's so nice to meet
you, it's so nice for me to have you
but I'm afraid I'm quite busy.

147
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,080
All right... So, thanks.

148
00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:51,064
Do what you've got to do.

149
00:08:59,096 --> 00:09:04,048
Clare Winchester!

150
00:09:06,052 --> 00:09:08,012
Attention all crew.

151
00:09:08,024 --> 00:09:09,072
This is Mr York speaking.

152
00:09:09,088 --> 00:09:15,004
The Commander is temporarily absent,
leaving me in charge.

153
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:18,016
But, whilst he is away, good news.

154
00:09:18,036 --> 00:09:24,000
We are going to have
another one of our
Personal Combat Readiness Drives.

155
00:09:24,016 --> 00:09:26,084
And I suggest
that you all remain alert.

156
00:09:27,004 --> 00:09:33,064
Very alert, for I may physically
attack any one of you at any time.

157
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,064
Carry on. York out.

158
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:40,000
Is that just for cadets and that,
or does it apply to officers?

159
00:09:42,004 --> 00:09:44,052
Ha! Do you submit? Yes!

160
00:09:44,064 --> 00:09:47,064
Learn, Vine. Learn.

161
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:50,060
The bit between your
bumhole and your girl-place!

162
00:09:50,076 --> 00:09:52,024
And fix Sandstrom, Jeffers.

163
00:09:52,036 --> 00:09:54,048
Or you're next.

164
00:09:55,076 --> 00:09:58,032
Must get to you being out here,

165
00:09:58,048 --> 00:10:02,036
on your own.
Must get quite lonely, I guess.

166
00:10:02,052 --> 00:10:05,044
No, it's fine. Yeah?

167
00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:09,084
Mr Cup says I'm hearing things.
But then what does he know?
He's just a cup.

168
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,056
Yeah, he is just a cup.

169
00:10:12,068 --> 00:10:15,080
Don't talk about Mr Cup like that.

170
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:18,016
(He's very violent.)

171
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:23,016
As I say,
I think it's really got to you.

172
00:10:23,032 --> 00:10:26,064
But starting right now,
right this minute,

173
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:31,004
let's see if we can't
turn that frown upside down, yeah?

174
00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:33,060
All right, shut your eyes.

175
00:10:33,072 --> 00:10:36,040
No, I don't want to. Really?

176
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,080
No, no.

177
00:10:38,092 --> 00:10:40,032
OK.

178
00:10:42,052 --> 00:10:46,056
Good, OK. You're going to like this.

179
00:10:46,068 --> 00:10:49,000
This is great.

180
00:10:50,092 --> 00:10:53,040
OK...open.

181
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,012
Look, look.

182
00:10:59,048 --> 00:11:02,008
"Me? Stressed?" he's saying.

183
00:11:02,024 --> 00:11:06,036
I got one of these up in the toilet.
It always works, always.

184
00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:09,028
York's giving it all that and
Teal's giving it all this,

185
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:12,084
bit hassled,
I just look at that and I think,

186
00:11:13,004 --> 00:11:16,004
Henderson, man...
Chill your loaf. Look at the monkey.

187
00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:17,056
It's an ape.

188
00:11:17,068 --> 00:11:19,072
It's a monkey.

189
00:11:19,084 --> 00:11:21,044
I hate it.

190
00:11:23,052 --> 00:11:30,000
Clare, I am trying to reach
out to you and you are making it
very difficult for me.

191
00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:34,056
It's pathetic. It's so pathetic. I
don't really know what to say to you.

192
00:11:34,072 --> 00:11:36,092
You think that's pathetic? I do.

193
00:11:37,008 --> 00:11:39,068
Fine. Do you know what I think
is pathetic? What?

194
00:11:39,088 --> 00:11:43,064
You going round the galaxy
making a zero in the sky
cos you've got no mates.

195
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:46,076
Waaah. That's pathetic, madam.

196
00:11:51,052 --> 00:11:54,036
Idiot. You fat idiot.
SHE SOBS

197
00:11:58,052 --> 00:12:03,036
Attention all crew.
A rumour has been circulating

198
00:12:03,052 --> 00:12:06,060
that the P in the P-Rods used
in the engine room

199
00:12:06,076 --> 00:12:09,020
stands for plutonium.

200
00:12:09,036 --> 00:12:13,004
It doesn't. It stands for
"Perfectly safe."

201
00:12:14,096 --> 00:12:17,032
'Hello.' Hello...
'It's the Commander.'

202
00:12:17,052 --> 00:12:21,040
'My suit radio's turned off right
now but please leave a message.'
BEEP

203
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:25,088
Hello, Commander. Hi. Just ringing
really to make sure you're OK.

204
00:12:26,008 --> 00:12:31,032
So, you're probably on your way
back but just, if you get a mo,
do give me a call back. Thank you.

205
00:12:37,044 --> 00:12:39,032
Hello, sorry, it's me again.

206
00:12:39,052 --> 00:12:43,084
Me as in Teal. I was just ringing
to say it was me, Teal,
because I didn't say that before

207
00:12:44,004 --> 00:12:48,000
so you might have wondered "Who
is that at the end of the phone?"

208
00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:51,096
Hang on, there's a call
waiting so I'll just...
'This is Mr York speak...'

209
00:12:52,016 --> 00:12:55,000
No, that's not you. So I'll get off
in case you're ringing.

210
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:58,052
We might be calling each other
at the same time, like...

211
00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:00,012
(Like a couple...)

212
00:13:00,024 --> 00:13:02,064
CLARE SOBS QUIETLY

213
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,000
I didn't mean what I said,
I'm sorry.

214
00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:07,052
You did mean it. You did.

215
00:13:07,072 --> 00:13:13,036
It's what everyone says about me.
Clare Winchester's got no friends.
It's true.

216
00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:16,084
Maybe they're just jealous,
you know.

217
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,088
I'm jealous.

218
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,052
You know what I'm doing up here?

219
00:13:21,072 --> 00:13:27,080
I'm patrolling a little empty
box of space, cos the Danish
don't trust me with the big stuff.

220
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:31,036
I wouldn't tell that
to the guys but...

221
00:13:32,092 --> 00:13:35,040
..I know it's true. And you...

222
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:41,020
you're travelling round the galaxy
quicker than anyone has ever done.
And that is special, you know.

223
00:13:41,036 --> 00:13:43,024
You're special. I'm not.

224
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:48,036
You are, you're brave
and you're pretty.

225
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:54,096
I know you've a got a nice smile,
cos I've seen it. There it is.

226
00:13:57,092 --> 00:14:00,032
No-one's ever said
all that to me before.

227
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,096
We've got a lot in common,
Clare, you and me, you know.

228
00:14:04,012 --> 00:14:07,064
You started out from nothing,
and me,

229
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:10,016
when I was a cadet... No, stop.

230
00:14:10,028 --> 00:14:11,088
Keep talking about me.

231
00:14:12,004 --> 00:14:14,012
All right, what d'you want me
to say?

232
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:18,016
What do you think about my hair?

233
00:14:18,028 --> 00:14:20,080
I think your hair

234
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:25,052
is very...nice.

235
00:14:25,068 --> 00:14:29,056
And mouse is a very
underrated colour.

236
00:14:31,028 --> 00:14:34,028
SOUNDS OF FIGHTING, SCREAMING

237
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:42,056
Now, if we go back to
box eight, I've plotted a
course that'll get us...

238
00:14:42,076 --> 00:14:46,032
Oh, no, Mr York, not again, you've
already done me four times. Yes.

239
00:14:46,048 --> 00:14:49,000
You're right, you've had your share.

240
00:14:49,016 --> 00:14:52,064
Now I've plotted a course
that'll bypass the positronic...

241
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:59,092
You see, if I were a Red Shiny Robot
of Vortis, I would now be drilling
into your head to extract your mind.

242
00:15:00,008 --> 00:15:03,004
Never let your guard down, Mr Vine.

243
00:15:03,016 --> 00:15:06,004
What d'you think of my fingers?

244
00:15:06,016 --> 00:15:08,048
Well, I...

245
00:15:08,064 --> 00:15:12,020
I can't think of a better way
to end your hand.

246
00:15:14,032 --> 00:15:16,000
What d'you want me to do? My ear.

247
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:19,036
I liked it when you said the
other one was like a shell. OK, OK.

248
00:15:22,016 --> 00:15:25,000
Oh, this one is like a shell too.

249
00:15:28,068 --> 00:15:31,004
Clare, look...

250
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:34,040
I think you're going to be
all right now, yeah?

251
00:15:34,060 --> 00:15:39,068
I'm gonna have to go back to my own
ship. But I want you to keep the
poster, "Me stressed".

252
00:15:39,084 --> 00:15:42,068
Think of it
as a little present, yeah?

253
00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:47,024
Ooh, you wouldn't mind signing
your book for me, would you?

254
00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:52,068
I mean, you could put
something like "To my inspiration,
Michael 'Mike' Henderson.

255
00:15:52,088 --> 00:15:57,068
"He did more for me than
real words could ever say."
Something like that.

256
00:15:57,088 --> 00:16:00,056
I mean, write what you want,
it's your book. Don't go.

257
00:16:00,072 --> 00:16:03,000
Clare, I can't leave
that lot on their own!

258
00:16:03,016 --> 00:16:05,064
Stay and say nice things to me.

259
00:16:05,076 --> 00:16:08,080
For how long?

260
00:16:08,096 --> 00:16:10,088
Until I get bored
and have to kill you.

261
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:14,008
What you doing? I don't care what
you think, Mr Cup. I'm keeping him.

262
00:16:14,028 --> 00:16:17,076
And you know what,
we're going to have sex later.

263
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,064
I think I'm going to mount him.

264
00:16:24,028 --> 00:16:26,088
What d'you think about my cheeks?

265
00:16:27,004 --> 00:16:30,040
I think they're round,
and rosy, like a dumpling.

266
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:33,004
What about my face chin?

267
00:16:34,064 --> 00:16:38,044
Beautiful, like a warmed baguette.

268
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,040
I would like to see it again.

269
00:16:43,056 --> 00:16:49,004
Hello. There's been a change of
plan, I'm staying on Clare's ship.

270
00:16:49,024 --> 00:16:53,012
It's quite nice really,
a real des RES.

271
00:16:53,032 --> 00:17:00,048
No CUE for the bathroom. And
the ME-als seem very nice indeed.

272
00:17:00,068 --> 00:17:07,080
So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
do not worry about me.

273
00:17:07,096 --> 00:17:11,000
Bye. Bye.

274
00:17:11,012 --> 00:17:12,092
I think...

275
00:17:13,004 --> 00:17:14,064
I think he might be in danger.

276
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:18,068
Yes. But unfortunately, there's
absolutely nothing we can do.

277
00:17:18,088 --> 00:17:22,056
Commander Henderson was a brave man,
we'll not see his like again.

278
00:17:22,076 --> 00:17:26,032
Mmmm? And in honour of him, I shall
rename the level three snack bar

279
00:17:26,048 --> 00:17:29,040
the Henderson Level Three Snack Bar.

280
00:17:29,056 --> 00:17:34,016
Or... I could use our recently honed
combat skills, head an elite team,

281
00:17:34,032 --> 00:17:36,008
get in there and rescue him.

282
00:17:36,024 --> 00:17:39,004
I think we should do that,
we should probably do that.

283
00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:42,036
But would that be an appropriate
use of the ship's resources?

284
00:17:42,052 --> 00:17:44,056
TEARFULLY: I think it would,
actually.

285
00:17:44,072 --> 00:17:47,004
Damn it, we're going in.
Follow me to the armoury.

286
00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:49,040
He wouldn't do this for us.
He would.

287
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:53,036
He wouldn't. He would. He would not.
He loves us. Love?
What does that mean?

288
00:18:03,048 --> 00:18:05,088
I've got a nephew who
thinks you're brilliant.

289
00:18:06,004 --> 00:18:07,076
I know what you're trying to do.

290
00:18:07,096 --> 00:18:12,068
You're trying to forge an emotional
connection with me, so that in
the end I won't kill you.

291
00:18:12,088 --> 00:18:17,040
I've done a hostage course too.
Really? The New Portsmouth one?

292
00:18:17,060 --> 00:18:22,080
Yeah. How did you know that?
Oh, everyone does that one.
The Bob Gardner one.

293
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,096
Big bloke. Ex-para.
Loves his line-dancing.

294
00:18:26,012 --> 00:18:28,096
He has a beard.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.

295
00:18:29,016 --> 00:18:32,048
Really funny thing happened,
actually, when I did that one.

296
00:18:32,068 --> 00:18:35,088
He was late, and he... You're doing
it again. Yeah, sorry. So I am.

297
00:18:40,024 --> 00:18:43,004
Mr Cup says I should
just kill you now.

298
00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:44,072
Good old Mr Cup.

299
00:18:44,084 --> 00:18:46,024
BEEPING

300
00:18:48,048 --> 00:18:51,096
Ends in a nine! Nine pocket, eight
pocket, seven, six, five pocket,

301
00:18:52,012 --> 00:18:55,000
four pocket, three pocket,
two pocket, one.

302
00:18:55,016 --> 00:18:58,004
I'm surprised
you don't do Kings and Queens.

303
00:18:58,024 --> 00:19:02,012
What's Kings and Queens? Oh, just
an old Space Force superstition.

304
00:19:02,028 --> 00:19:05,044
OK. Let's try and get this right.

305
00:19:05,064 --> 00:19:11,016
You hold something blue, and you
shut your eyes and you recite all
the kings and queens of England.

306
00:19:11,036 --> 00:19:14,092
And what does that do? Stops your
flux cables from overloading.

307
00:19:15,012 --> 00:19:18,088
I haven't got time for that.
Whatever. Your cables, darlin'.

308
00:19:31,052 --> 00:19:35,032
William the First.
Shut your eyes, or it won't work.

309
00:19:38,064 --> 00:19:40,080
William the First,
William the Second.

310
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,072
Henry the First.

311
00:19:44,036 --> 00:19:46,000
Stephen. Stephen.

312
00:19:49,068 --> 00:19:51,068
Why don't we get all that?

313
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,052
Design and build your own. As I did.

314
00:19:54,064 --> 00:19:57,028
V Force - assume formation.

315
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,088
V Force.

316
00:20:02,036 --> 00:20:06,016
I think we should be K Force.
It's "V force", Mr Jeffers.

317
00:20:06,032 --> 00:20:07,092
V. V for Vanquish.

318
00:20:08,004 --> 00:20:09,072
Vengeance. Victory.

319
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:13,048
Vindication. Verve. Vim, vigour.

320
00:20:13,064 --> 00:20:17,044
Ooh, vaporise, just thought of
that one. Lot of choice with a V.

321
00:20:17,060 --> 00:20:19,076
But it's a bit,
"We're in outer space."

322
00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:21,064
You might as well say X force.

323
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:25,016
X force. You are seriously
comparing V force with X force?

324
00:20:25,036 --> 00:20:30,028
X Force sounds fine to me, to be
honest. For goodness sake, does
it really matter what we're called?

325
00:20:30,048 --> 00:20:33,092
Can we just get on with it please?
What about "Guardians of the
Cosmos"?

326
00:20:34,008 --> 00:20:36,060
I take it you fixed Sandstrom,
Jeffers? I have.

327
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:41,076
Because I won't have a foul-mouthed
cyborg in charge of this vessel
while we're gone. Silver angels?

328
00:20:41,092 --> 00:20:44,048
I fixed her.

329
00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:46,048
If you're lying to me...

330
00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:48,088
Eeeeehh! Huh?

331
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,096
V force! Listen up.

332
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:56,052
The Commander may have
Stockholm syndrome, in which
he identifies with his captor.

333
00:20:56,072 --> 00:20:59,060
If this should be the case,
if he resists,

334
00:20:59,076 --> 00:21:03,064
I order you to neutralise him
with extreme prejudice.

335
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,076
Don't you dare hurt him, Mr York!

336
00:21:05,092 --> 00:21:08,052
If you do, I'll pummel you
with my stun-pummeller.

337
00:21:08,068 --> 00:21:10,076
Don't think I won't. Oh!

338
00:21:10,088 --> 00:21:12,028
To the airlock!

339
00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:16,052
VINE: The Sky Valkyries?

340
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,000
King Charles the Third.

341
00:21:21,012 --> 00:21:22,060
King Harry the First.

342
00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:24,052
Queen Shanice.

343
00:21:24,064 --> 00:21:27,012
King Keith.

344
00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:34,040
EXPLOSION, SCREAMING

345
00:21:38,064 --> 00:21:40,056
Allow us to introduce ourselves!

346
00:21:40,072 --> 00:21:44,016
We are the four horseman
of your own private apocalypse.

347
00:21:44,032 --> 00:21:47,008
Get off my head, Jeffers! You tit!

348
00:21:47,024 --> 00:21:50,084
Commander? Drop your weapons!
And sit down on my bed.

349
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:11,096
Sandstrom! We're drifting away
from the other ship.

350
00:22:12,012 --> 00:22:14,024
Quim!

351
00:22:14,044 --> 00:22:20,040
Yeah, well, we thought, maybe
we should correct the course, a bit.
Tit, with a knot in it!

352
00:22:22,016 --> 00:22:26,028
There's too many of you,
you'll slow my ship down.

353
00:22:26,048 --> 00:22:29,028
And I only need one of you to
say nice things. Look, Clare.

354
00:22:29,048 --> 00:22:32,000
Spare me and murder my crew,
what does that make you?

355
00:22:32,016 --> 00:22:34,004
Who says I'm keeping you, huh?

356
00:22:34,016 --> 00:22:36,004
Oh, I just assumed.

357
00:22:36,020 --> 00:22:38,052
Maybe someone else is
better at compliments.

358
00:22:38,072 --> 00:22:43,032
Nobody speak.
I would just like to say that
I love the way you hold a gun.

359
00:22:43,052 --> 00:22:49,048
A lady certainly doesn't
have to wash to smell sexy.

360
00:22:50,064 --> 00:22:51,092
What?!

361
00:22:53,060 --> 00:22:57,012
Mr Cup says I should
just kill you now.

362
00:22:57,028 --> 00:22:59,008
Mr Cup says it's the only way.

363
00:22:59,020 --> 00:23:02,068
It's the cup, it's the yellow cup.

364
00:23:02,084 --> 00:23:05,044
Mr Cup says I should
just pull the trigger.

365
00:23:08,036 --> 00:23:12,072
Mr Cup says it's the only way.

366
00:23:14,048 --> 00:23:16,056
ALARMS BEEP

367
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,068
You are not
welcome in this quadrant.

368
00:23:22,084 --> 00:23:25,064
You have thirty seconds to leave.
The Danes!

369
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,052
The next shot will not be a warning.

370
00:23:27,068 --> 00:23:30,024
Danes. They're docked
with a Lemurian freighter.

371
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,032
Hang on, the Lemurians are...

372
00:23:32,052 --> 00:23:38,064
Notorious drug smugglers. And the
Danes are in on it! And that is why
they kept us in Box number eight!

373
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:41,024
They mustn't see we're here.
I suggest we keep back and stay...

374
00:23:41,024 --> 00:23:43,044
They mustn't see we're here.
I suggest we keep back and stay...
Shame on you! Henderson?

375
00:23:43,064 --> 00:23:48,088
You've dragged the great name
of Denmark through the mud,
you drug-trafficker! Oh!

376
00:23:49,004 --> 00:23:50,076
You're a bloody disgrace.

377
00:23:50,092 --> 00:23:53,048
A disgrace to bacon,
and a disgrace to Lego.

378
00:23:53,064 --> 00:23:57,056
And a disgrace to the legend
of the great Peter Schmeichel.

379
00:23:57,076 --> 00:24:02,088
You will go right now, sir,
to Starbase Three, and you will
turn yourself in, and face justice.

380
00:24:04,060 --> 00:24:07,000
Kill them.

381
00:24:22,088 --> 00:24:26,076
Clare! Clare,
we need to go to my ship.

382
00:24:26,092 --> 00:24:29,012
Mr Cup says I'm imagining you.

383
00:24:29,024 --> 00:24:31,036
Mr Cup says I'm imagining all this.

384
00:24:31,048 --> 00:24:32,092
It'll all stop in a minute.

385
00:24:33,004 --> 00:24:35,092
Listen to me. Mr Cup is a prick.

386
00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:38,084
He is pure ceramic evil.
Don't listen to him.

387
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,072
Fly us to my ship,
and I'll protect us.

388
00:24:42,092 --> 00:24:47,008
Mr Cup says you're wrong.
He says I'm stupid for ever believing
that you're real.

389
00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:52,032
Mr Cup says it's exactly the
kind of stupid stupid stupid
thing that I'm always doing...

390
00:24:52,048 --> 00:24:55,092
Mr Cup, will you just shut up!

391
00:24:56,004 --> 00:24:57,072
CUP SMASHES

392
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:02,072
Clare? Where to?

393
00:25:11,032 --> 00:25:13,036
Camden Lock! Camden Lock!

394
00:25:13,052 --> 00:25:17,020
We have two hostile ships in
pursuit. Open fire when in range.

395
00:25:17,036 --> 00:25:18,072
Drink my jacksie juice!

396
00:25:20,032 --> 00:25:22,064
You said you fixed her!

397
00:25:22,076 --> 00:25:24,024
Sandstrom.

398
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,080
Open fire when in range.
Do you understand?

399
00:25:26,096 --> 00:25:28,032
Slam your cock in the fridge.

400
00:25:29,076 --> 00:25:31,088
She doesn't understand.

401
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,060
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

402
00:25:33,076 --> 00:25:36,060
She no longer understands English.
Don't you see?

403
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:41,048
Ploppymouth Two has now corrupted
her entire operating system.

404
00:25:44,024 --> 00:25:49,016
If we converse with her in
sufficiently base terms,
she may follow our commands.

405
00:25:49,036 --> 00:25:54,000
You want me to swear?
It's our only fighting chance.

406
00:25:54,016 --> 00:25:58,024
Sandstrom, you...erm...

407
00:25:58,036 --> 00:26:00,044
Helmet worm!

408
00:26:00,056 --> 00:26:02,060
What?

409
00:26:02,072 --> 00:26:04,080
Sandstrom, you helmet worm.

410
00:26:04,092 --> 00:26:07,044
Open fire on enemy spunkbuckets.

411
00:26:07,056 --> 00:26:09,044
Cocking confirmed!

412
00:26:13,016 --> 00:26:15,044
Fly true, you silver dart of fury!

413
00:26:17,016 --> 00:26:18,084
Destroy!

414
00:26:20,008 --> 00:26:23,064
You've done it, you bastards!

415
00:26:23,076 --> 00:26:27,072
Yes. Yes. Come on. Yeah?

416
00:26:27,088 --> 00:26:31,036
Oh! You liked that,
you little nutcase, didn't you?

417
00:26:43,048 --> 00:26:47,068
And so, thanks to the
brave actions of my crew,

418
00:26:47,088 --> 00:26:52,052
the peril of the spectre of the
nightmare of the menace of drugs,

419
00:26:52,072 --> 00:26:56,088
has been banished from this sector
for a long, long time to come.

420
00:26:57,004 --> 00:26:58,076
This concludes my report.

421
00:26:58,092 --> 00:27:02,056
I am Commander Michael
Mike Hendo Henderson. Out.

422
00:27:02,072 --> 00:27:05,040
Yes, today we were fortunate.

423
00:27:05,060 --> 00:27:10,072
But the forces of evil
encircle us hour by hour,
like thirsty she-wolves.

424
00:27:10,092 --> 00:27:14,056
And sooner or later they shall
pounce, oh, yes, they shall pounce.

425
00:27:14,076 --> 00:27:18,052
You've always got to bring the
bloody mood down. What do you mean?

426
00:27:18,072 --> 00:27:22,052
Set course for the
Lakeworld of Sproo.
We've earned a few days fishing.

427
00:27:22,072 --> 00:27:25,096
Hear my tongue. They shall pounce.
Lighten up! Sandstrom?

428
00:27:26,012 --> 00:27:29,012
Commencify that course.
Yes, Commander.

429
00:27:29,032 --> 00:27:32,092
Good to have you back, kiddo.
Airscreen. Port view, please.

430
00:27:34,048 --> 00:27:36,024
There she goes.

431
00:27:36,036 --> 00:27:40,044
And into the history books.

432
00:27:40,056 --> 00:27:43,000
She'll be all right now.

433
00:27:43,016 --> 00:27:48,064
Oscillator B levelling off
at twelve - check.

434
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:53,056
Vector 18 by three...

435
00:27:53,072 --> 00:28:00,012
by 266. Will you stop wolf-whistling
while I do this?

436
00:28:00,028 --> 00:28:03,024
I'm trying to do some work, here.

437
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,096
I don't do that kind of thing
straight away, in a relationship.

438
00:28:07,016 --> 00:28:09,068
You'll have to bear with me here,
I wanna go slowly.

439
00:28:09,088 --> 00:28:15,024
Work-based romance is notoriously
difficult and my last boyfriend
was a terrible, terrible bastard.

440
00:28:15,044 --> 00:28:18,056
No, you're not.
You're not an ape.

441
00:28:18,072 --> 00:28:24,088
You're a monkey.
A dirty, dirty monkey!

442
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,036
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 2006

443
00:28:55,036 --> 00:28:55,044
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk