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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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STEADY BREATHING THROUGH MASK

2
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Approaching the object.

3
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STEADY BREATHING CONTINUES

4
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Oh, listen to him.

5
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Jeffers, the pod is oxygenated.

6
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You don't have to do that!

7
00:00:44,032 --> 00:00:45,084
Please don't spoil it.

8
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Extending grappling arm.

9
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HE MAKES BEEPING SOUND
What is that thing, York?

10
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Broken exhaust casing?
Discarded fuel cell maybe?

11
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What if it was a marker put
down by an ancient civilisation

12
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revealing a message encrypted in the
position of the stars themselves or,
if you will Mr York, the Star Code.

13
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Still reading that cheap Spaceport
trash, I see! Retrieval complete.

14
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Returning to Bay Six.

15
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Carefully, Jeffers, mind the arm.
Mind the arm on the...!

16
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Argh! Pellets!

17
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Don't touch it, Commander.

18
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Its origin is still
unsourced and you're
far too important to the ship.

19
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Vine, touch it! Go on. Get in.

20
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It's emitting a pulse.

21
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2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13.

22
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Then back to two again.
A totally random pattern.

23
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They are all prime numbers.
Well, I mean, unless you're
counting the really obvious pattern.

24
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Look, if it can transmit
maybe it can receive.

25
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Send it the next number in the
sequence. Number 15. Commander.
Commencify my ruling, please!

26
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Five times three. Sorry, 16. 17!

27
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Why though? 17. Number 17.
That's the one, Commander.

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COMPUTER WHIRRS
Oh!

29
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Oh, yes, it's ancient Jundarin.

30
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Oh, I did this at school. "What's
the point of doing a dead language,
Teal?"

31
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This is the point, isn't it? I'm
talking to the trendy set,
that's one in the eye for them.

32
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Concentrate, will you, and tell
me what it says. Sorry, sorry.

33
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"We are entombed. Danger surrounds
us. A Great One shall free us.

34
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"And he shall live forever
in our chronicles."

35
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A calling

36
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from the ancients.

37
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It sent a map to my console.

38
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Wants us to go to a small moon,
34 light years away.

39
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Hey, that's right round the corner.
What do you think, huh? Something a
bit different for a Tuesday?

40
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A hero trap. A classic hero trap.
HE SCOFFS

41
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I'm no hero, Mr York, although the
thousands I've saved may disagree.
Exactly.

42
00:03:09,012 --> 00:03:12,080
What's a hero trap?
Hey, Sandstrom, get us to that moon.

43
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We're coming, ancient one.

44
00:03:14,056 --> 00:03:16,004
What's a hero trap?

45
00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:20,072
It's what we're not hurtling
blindly towards apparently.

46
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York? Teal? Shuttle bay three.

47
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Commander! Commander, here.

48
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Who's in charge when you're away?

49
00:03:39,076 --> 00:03:43,024
Jeffers is the next most senior
officer. So, I guess, Jeffers.

50
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I want to do it. I never do it.

51
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I touched the cone.

52
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Yeah, you did touch the cone.

53
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And you touched it very nicely.

54
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All right, all right.

55
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I'll give you a chance. I'd better
tell Jeffers. It's OK, I'll do it.

56
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Taking responsibility, Dave.

57
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I like that very much.

58
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Ciao.

59
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Blend of exotic species from
several different worlds.

60
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Oh, hello, wisteria!
I used to grow that.

61
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Never used to thrive cos of the
chalky soil. I'm wittering cos I'm
concerned I'm about to die.

62
00:04:23,024 --> 00:04:24,072
Easy, Commander.

63
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That's it?
No guardian monsters or anything?

64
00:04:38,056 --> 00:04:40,036
There may be trip wires, Commander.

65
00:04:41,056 --> 00:04:44,008
No, there isn't.

66
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Funny, thought it'd
be harder than this.

67
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,088
OK. OK. OK.

68
00:04:50,004 --> 00:04:56,008
I put this on the top
and the ancient ones shall be free.

69
00:04:56,024 --> 00:04:57,080
Commander, what is a hero trap?

70
00:04:57,092 --> 00:04:59,048
Stop banging on about...

71
00:04:59,064 --> 00:05:03,028
Look, a hero trap
is not this all right, it's when

72
00:05:03,048 --> 00:05:09,004
a Commander finds a map or a signal,
with a promise of treasure or glory.

73
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It's a set-up. And there
are some bad, bad people there who do

74
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some ransoming and some torturing and
usually a lot of cutting.

75
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But it's very rare.

76
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Don't have nightmares.

77
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All right? OK, OK.

78
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I'll put this on and the ancient ones

79
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shall be FREE!

80
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Phew! Maybe it's not on right.

81
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Can we go back?

82
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Commander, will you carry me?
I'm tired.

83
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I don't want to carry you.
I thought it might be a...
HE GASPS

84
00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:55,028
Ah! They're
free after thousands of millennias.

85
00:05:55,044 --> 00:05:58,012
Oh, Commander, I can't move my legs.

86
00:05:58,032 --> 00:06:03,084
That's their way of saying,
"You're nice, will you
hang around for a bit?"

87
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Commander,
I think I should point out

88
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that my weapon's being atomised into
some sort of shimmering golden dust.

89
00:06:10,048 --> 00:06:14,092
Oh, that's because they believe in
peace. Oh, York, it's so beautiful.
EERIE LAUGHTER

90
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,032
Listen, they're
laughing, they're happy!

91
00:06:17,048 --> 00:06:19,080
ECHOEY VOICES LAUGH IN THE DISTANCE

92
00:06:19,096 --> 00:06:23,076
It's turning into a bit of a mocking
laugh, Commander. Yeah, yes, yes.

93
00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:26,016
It's really very, very bad.

94
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I'm sorry.

95
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FANFARE PLAYS
Oh...

96
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Silence!

97
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They were silent, Father.

98
00:06:49,028 --> 00:06:51,008
Well, that's good then.

99
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Queppunians!

100
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Supreme Ruler,
a pleasure to meet you again.

101
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:58,048
And Lavya...

102
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Sweet, sweet Lavya.

103
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Advanced technology, space travel,
what's happened to you? A-ha!

104
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Are you saying you marvel at our
technology? I wouldn't say "marvel".

105
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He marvelled. I think
everyone saw him marvel there.

106
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Put him on the marvel chart.

107
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As a grade two marvel. I hardly
think it's worth... I grade the
marvels!

108
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Some other aliens came
just after your visit.

109
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Kind aliens.

110
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They said, "We
will share our science with you."

111
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And all they asked for in return
was half my population

112
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to grind up in their mandibles and
feed to their larval young. You see?

113
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Different cultures can get along.

114
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Hey! Jeffers, how's your chair?
Got a lumbar support?

115
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I have.

116
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SCREEN BLEEPS

117
00:08:06,072 --> 00:08:08,020
Um, Sir. Sir.

118
00:08:08,036 --> 00:08:12,044
Mr Vine, sir. Sorry to interrupt,
Sir, but there's 20 ships outside.

119
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Attention! You are surrounded by
the royal fleet of Queppu.

120
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Any attempt to move or communicate
will result in your annihilation.
Oh.

121
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Now. What fate awaits you? We
have many new inventions on Queppu.

122
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Cold fusion.

123
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An apron that makes it look like
you have the bits of a naked lady.

124
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But the most popular is the
thing you call telescreenovision.

125
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And you will be the stars
of our latest programme.

126
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Its name is Death Game!

127
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CHANTING: Death Game,
Death Game, Death Game...!

128
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There are a thousand cameras
in this forest.

129
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Every day they shall watch
you do battles against ever more
dangerous foes, until you die.

130
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And every night they shall watch
you bicker while you cook your meal.
I know what you're thinking.

131
00:09:08,092 --> 00:09:16,056
It's got everything! And I will
co-host a lively discussion
programme called Death Game Chatbox.

132
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You will marvel at
our brand extension!

133
00:09:20,004 --> 00:09:22,020
Now, let the game begin.

134
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As I believe they say on your world,
revenge is a dish best served
on a bed of rice.

135
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Cold. It's best served cold.

136
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I will decide how revenge is best
served around here! And it's rice!

137
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LOUD RUMBLING

138
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BLEEPING

139
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PRESENTER: Broadcasting live from
the forest moon of Grundtal-Mossby,

140
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it's Death Game!

141
00:09:58,012 --> 00:10:01,028
They're not going to try and kill us
on the first night all right.

142
00:10:01,048 --> 00:10:04,084
I'm hoping for a hamper and maybe a
Mexican theme night, could be fun.

143
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:09,036
And they may make us wallow in a
hot bubbly tub together. Well,
that's OK.

144
00:10:09,052 --> 00:10:11,076
So here's the first assassin.

145
00:10:11,096 --> 00:10:16,040
The bare-knuckle fighting
champion of the Queppu army.
Sergeant Destruction!

146
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HE GROWLS AND HOWLS AGGRESSIVELY

147
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:30,012
We need some ideas quick.
OK, violence is often
down to poor nutrition.

148
00:10:30,028 --> 00:10:33,020
So if we could just find a way to
give him Omega 3 tablets.

149
00:10:33,036 --> 00:10:34,032
Leave this to me.

150
00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:38,004
He's spitting...

151
00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:43,032
Whoa! Yeah, yeah, sure you're a big
guy, but ask yourself this.

152
00:10:43,048 --> 00:10:45,028
Are you as fast as me?

153
00:10:49,032 --> 00:10:51,004
Ha! Get back!

154
00:10:51,016 --> 00:10:52,056
Why are you here, Sergeant?

155
00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:55,048
Did they put you away for
a crime you didn't commit?

156
00:10:55,064 --> 00:10:57,056
Huh? Took away your wife, your child?

157
00:10:57,076 --> 00:11:01,092
Took everything from you till all you
could do to ease the pain was fight?
Huh?

158
00:11:02,012 --> 00:11:05,056
It doesn't need to be like this.
I can help you. What do you say, huh?

159
00:11:05,072 --> 00:11:07,012
Hah!

160
00:11:08,028 --> 00:11:11,016
Ta-da! Oh, York!

161
00:11:11,036 --> 00:11:13,052
I am not loving that.

162
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:18,064
I was just going to turn him, he was
going to be our gentle giant buddy,
the ogre with a heart of gold.

163
00:11:18,084 --> 00:11:23,060
Oh well, excuse me for saving
your miserable, ungrateful life!

164
00:11:23,076 --> 00:11:25,024
Don't know why I bother.

165
00:11:25,044 --> 00:11:29,080
Right I'm going to find whatever
this planet's version of a
squirrel is and kick it to death.

166
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:34,080
You can be very insensitive at times,
Mr York. You've upset him now,
Commander.

167
00:11:38,032 --> 00:11:40,044
Well, what are we going to do, Vine?

168
00:11:40,060 --> 00:11:43,056
They could die at any minute, do
you understand that? So could we.

169
00:11:43,076 --> 00:11:46,080
And now everyone here is
looking to you for the answer.

170
00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:49,016
I've got it! I've got a plan!

171
00:11:49,028 --> 00:11:50,084
What?

172
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:56,032
We are going to take an ocular-based
overview of the current
crisis situation.

173
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,096
We're going to watch telly?

174
00:11:58,012 --> 00:12:01,064
Yeah. We're going to watch
them till we think of something.

175
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,032
Now listen up, everybody.

176
00:12:03,048 --> 00:12:05,044
I'm not saying it's
going to be easy.

177
00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:08,056
There's be a lot of eye strain,
a lot of stiff necks,

178
00:12:08,076 --> 00:12:12,088
a lot of raised blood pressure
through eating too many crisps.

179
00:12:13,008 --> 00:12:16,028
But we'll do it for them!
Who's with me? Yes!

180
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,020
Come on.

181
00:12:19,036 --> 00:12:23,024
Vine. This is not a solution.
This is just... Shush.

182
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,084
TV THEME MUSIC PLAYS
Fine.

183
00:12:31,004 --> 00:12:33,064
HE PLAYS THE HARMONICA

184
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:40,080
PLAYS ON TV, AND HENDERSON
COPIES BADLY ON THE HARMONICA

185
00:12:52,044 --> 00:12:54,008
HE SIGHS

186
00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:56,064
I had an idea for a telly show once.

187
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,020
Kids' show.

188
00:12:58,032 --> 00:13:00,048
Dino-Wizards.

189
00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:03,040
They're dinosaurs, right, fine?

190
00:13:03,056 --> 00:13:06,012
Here's the twist.
They're also wizards.

191
00:13:06,024 --> 00:13:08,044
It's good, isn't it?

192
00:13:08,064 --> 00:13:12,092
Never been done, never been done.
I've got the theme tune if
you want to hear it.

193
00:13:13,008 --> 00:13:14,080
Let me try, see if I can remember it.

194
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,076
HE BLOWS THE HARMONICA,
AND SINGS
No, too high for me.

195
00:13:17,092 --> 00:13:20,016
HE BLOWS ANOTHER NOTE AND
TRIES TO SING

196
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,096
♪ Dino-wizards,
working hard at dinoschool.

197
00:13:23,012 --> 00:13:25,060
♪ Dino-wizards, prehistoric
magic school!

198
00:13:25,076 --> 00:13:27,036
♪ Whoa, whoa! ♪

199
00:13:27,052 --> 00:13:30,024
Watch out, guys,
here comes Tyrannosaurus Hex! Rrrr!

200
00:13:30,044 --> 00:13:36,040
How's the meal coming along, Teal?
Obviously it's going to be awful. I
couldn't find any wild garlic.

201
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:39,024
There was fennel and thyme, but does
that go with rat?

202
00:13:39,044 --> 00:13:42,048
I don't know, and there were no
cookbooks! This is inhumane!

203
00:13:48,020 --> 00:13:51,076
Well, death did not come
today but it sent a card.

204
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:58,068
When that card arrives tomorrow,
the day after, that card will read,

205
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:05,052
"Happy death day to you,
happy death day to you,
happy death day, happy death day,

206
00:14:05,068 --> 00:14:09,084
"happy death day...to you."

207
00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:15,032
I've been thinking about how we

208
00:14:15,048 --> 00:14:20,032
got here. I've always got to be the
bloody hero, haven't I?

209
00:14:20,052 --> 00:14:25,076
Well, when we get off this hunka
stinkin' moss, I'm going to start
doing things a bit differently.

210
00:14:25,096 --> 00:14:30,032
I'm going to listen to you
two a lot more. Really? Yes. Well,
not so much you.

211
00:14:30,052 --> 00:14:36,024
If you two said different things,
I'd probably have to go with York
because he does outrank you.

212
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:42,088
Oh, I'm sorry, that's your rat
that's gone in the fire. So you
can't eat that at all.

213
00:14:43,004 --> 00:14:44,048
Never mind.

214
00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:48,036
Who needs food when you've got music?

215
00:14:48,052 --> 00:14:52,088
Two, three, four...
HE PLAYS THE HARMONICA

216
00:14:58,028 --> 00:15:01,020
GAME SHOW THEME TUNE PLAYS

217
00:15:02,044 --> 00:15:04,044
APPLAUSE

218
00:15:12,072 --> 00:15:14,044
Welcome back.

219
00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:18,032
You've been busy on the textualised
messages.

220
00:15:18,048 --> 00:15:22,056
Warris Quaif writes,
"Loving the show.

221
00:15:22,072 --> 00:15:27,044
"It's certainly taking my mind off
the appalling poverty

222
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:30,092
"and vicious
repression here on Queppu."

223
00:15:31,008 --> 00:15:33,016
Glad to hear it, Warris!

224
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:38,024
..Have him killed.
Now where are you, Lavya?

225
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:43,028
I'm down at the perimeter wall
talking to one of the guards. Hi.

226
00:15:43,044 --> 00:15:45,040
What are you doing?

227
00:15:45,056 --> 00:15:48,072
I'm guarding the perimeter wall.
Ooh.

228
00:15:48,084 --> 00:15:51,012
Back to you, Father.

229
00:15:51,028 --> 00:15:57,004
You will marvel
at what we have coming up later.

230
00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:59,096
Henderson cuts his thumb!
AUDIENCE GASP

231
00:16:00,012 --> 00:16:04,000
And is that a tear in York's eye?

232
00:16:04,012 --> 00:16:07,008
Or just sweat like he said?

233
00:16:07,024 --> 00:16:12,048
Let's ask a behavioural
psychologist. ..You! Speak!

234
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,068
HE GROANS

235
00:16:20,084 --> 00:16:22,092
WHIRRING

236
00:16:26,084 --> 00:16:28,080
Destroy.

237
00:16:32,052 --> 00:16:34,076
Morning, Teal. Morning.

238
00:16:34,092 --> 00:16:37,064
Commander, wake up.
HE GRUNTS

239
00:16:40,068 --> 00:16:42,072
What are you doing?

240
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,092
You all right, Teal?

241
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,068
Fine. Just a bit peaky.

242
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,052
You look absolutely awful.

243
00:16:49,068 --> 00:16:53,068
I mean, really bad, it's like
the worst I've EVER seen you.

244
00:16:53,084 --> 00:16:55,024
York, doesn't she look bad?

245
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:59,032
Not good. OK, we've
established I do not look pretty!

246
00:17:00,092 --> 00:17:03,016
What are you doing?
Poking you, Commander.

247
00:17:03,032 --> 00:17:05,004
Why? To enrage you.

248
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:09,092
To survive another day in this
arena, we will need anger. It's a bi
early.

249
00:17:10,008 --> 00:17:14,072
Now Commander, anger is your ally,
anger is your friend.

250
00:17:14,088 --> 00:17:18,016
If you go on holiday,
anger waters your begonias.

251
00:17:18,036 --> 00:17:22,032
If it breaks a vase, it buys you two
in return. Anger will be your
saviour.

252
00:17:22,048 --> 00:17:24,008
All right. I get it, all right?

253
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:27,020
Don't. Don't!

254
00:17:27,032 --> 00:17:30,064
Don't! Don't, don't!

255
00:17:33,004 --> 00:17:35,084
And don't do that either.
Don't do what? That!

256
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,084
"Oh, that's what I wanted to see."
Don't do it!

257
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,016
I had no intention.

258
00:17:43,032 --> 00:17:45,024
Nevertheless it came to pass...
Argh!

259
00:17:46,092 --> 00:17:50,056
That is it, I have had it.

260
00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:53,008
OK, are you satisfied? Are you?

261
00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:54,072
You've reduced a good man to this?

262
00:17:54,084 --> 00:17:57,012
THEY GRUNT

263
00:17:58,056 --> 00:18:02,088
You've had your violence.
Maybe you want some smut as well, do
you? Well, here it is!

264
00:18:06,048 --> 00:18:08,056
Do you want some more, you dirty
perverts?

265
00:18:11,004 --> 00:18:12,088
Do you like that?

266
00:18:15,004 --> 00:18:21,068
I never think I'm going to enjoy
this kind of show but then the
characters really draw me in.

267
00:18:23,028 --> 00:18:28,024
ANNOUNCER: And now, not one,
but two assassins to wreak justice

268
00:18:28,044 --> 00:18:32,004
upon the humans. The Queppu Secret
Service's most lethal agents -

269
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,068
Tweedledoom and Tweedledie!

270
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:38,020
What power can stop them?

271
00:18:40,044 --> 00:18:43,048
York! It's always when I'm just
getting through to them, isn't it?

272
00:18:43,068 --> 00:18:48,000
They were going to be our
plucky little pals,
the chirpy one and the silent one.

273
00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:50,072
We'll use their
skulls to gather water.

274
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:53,080
They will help us,
in their own little way.

275
00:18:53,096 --> 00:18:56,088
I'm trying to build a gang here!

276
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,076
Commander. What?

277
00:18:58,088 --> 00:19:00,028
The woman.

278
00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:06,080
Hey! Huh?! You all right?

279
00:19:06,092 --> 00:19:09,024
Yeah.

280
00:19:09,036 --> 00:19:10,088
Is there anything

281
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,028
you want to tell me? No.

282
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:17,000
No. All right, listen.

283
00:19:17,016 --> 00:19:21,088
Do you know the emergency painkillers
we keep in the away medikit?

284
00:19:22,008 --> 00:19:26,096
Oh, the happy pills?
The dichloro-hipto-peptin?

285
00:19:27,012 --> 00:19:29,076
I know absolutely
nothing about those.

286
00:19:29,092 --> 00:19:32,012
Sure, sure. Have a little walk.

287
00:19:32,028 --> 00:19:35,004
Walk with me for a second.
Watch that. You all right?

288
00:19:35,016 --> 00:19:36,056
Log.

289
00:19:36,072 --> 00:19:42,076
Sometimes, on a strange new world,
an officer gets a bit stressed.

290
00:19:42,096 --> 00:19:46,068
Sometimes that officer
grabs for the purple gigglers.

291
00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:48,092
Do you know what I'm saying?

292
00:19:49,012 --> 00:19:52,076
I have absolutely no idea what you
mean at all. I know nothing of what
you say.

293
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,084
Show me the box.

294
00:19:56,096 --> 00:19:58,056
All the pills are in it.

295
00:20:00,016 --> 00:20:03,048
Show me the box. I don't think
I need to show you the box.

296
00:20:03,064 --> 00:20:05,020
Show me the box!

297
00:20:05,032 --> 00:20:08,004
I've eaten them all! Argh.

298
00:20:08,020 --> 00:20:10,072
Teal,
you're going to get bad withdrawal

299
00:20:10,088 --> 00:20:15,020
now for a couple of days, and that's
because you're a skanky pillhead.

300
00:20:15,036 --> 00:20:16,072
..Tough love.

301
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:18,024
Smiles.

302
00:20:19,088 --> 00:20:23,024
You two have the happy pills and
that's why you and Mr York are OK.

303
00:20:23,044 --> 00:20:26,092
Give me the pills. Teal, we don't
have any pills. Give me the pills!

304
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:29,016
GIVE ME THE PILLS!

305
00:20:29,036 --> 00:20:33,076
I just want a hipto... Chloe! You
are an officer on board the
HMS Camden Lock.

306
00:20:33,092 --> 00:20:36,024
Now pull yourself together, lass!

307
00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,004
Ballyshambles.

308
00:20:42,048 --> 00:20:43,096
I'm sorry.

309
00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:45,076
All right, all right.

310
00:20:45,088 --> 00:20:47,056
I've been a fool.

311
00:20:47,076 --> 00:20:52,084
Yes, you have but we'll get you
through this, womanzilla.
We'll get you through.

312
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,088
Hey! Get off, I've got no pills!

313
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,020
I only want one! Commander!

314
00:21:00,028 --> 00:21:03,000
It's Vine!
The sparkling sideburns of hope!

315
00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:07,012
We haven't got long, Commander.
Jeffers patched through the
transmission, but it won't hold.

316
00:21:07,028 --> 00:21:09,076
OK, what do we do?
Right, let's see.

317
00:21:09,096 --> 00:21:15,044
Teal's got to lighten up. Everyone's
calling her the Bitch. No, I mean,
what do we do to get out of here?

318
00:21:15,064 --> 00:21:20,032
We couldn't think of anything. So we
thought we'd let you know how you're
coming across.

319
00:21:20,052 --> 00:21:24,052
Commander, they're saying you're
two-faced and you're playing up to
the cameras. I am not!

320
00:21:24,068 --> 00:21:26,052
I like York! He is hot!

321
00:21:26,068 --> 00:21:29,032
Oh, York, you've arrived.
Huge gay following.

322
00:21:29,052 --> 00:21:33,096
Look, if we don't get off this
planet, Mr Vine, we are gonna
die, have you got that?

323
00:21:34,016 --> 00:21:39,036
You sure it's not me that's got the
gay following? I thought, with the
bear thing you know, they might...

324
00:21:39,056 --> 00:21:43,096
Contestants!
You have breached the rules.

325
00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:46,052
You have spoken with the outside.

326
00:21:46,064 --> 00:21:49,080
I tire of your rules, red prune!

327
00:21:49,096 --> 00:21:52,032
You and me. Right here.
No weapons. Let's have it.

328
00:21:52,048 --> 00:21:56,020
You will marvel at
how I don't rise to that one.

329
00:21:56,036 --> 00:22:00,040
Now, what punishment shall I choose?

330
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:03,028
Do your worst. I will then.

331
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,060
Go on then. I shall!

332
00:22:08,016 --> 00:22:10,072
Why did you say that, Commander?

333
00:22:10,084 --> 00:22:12,072
I'm feeling a bit...

334
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,060
THUD!
It's just a phrase, isn't it?

335
00:22:16,076 --> 00:22:20,080
Our next assassin is a hideous
part-mechanoid mutant,

336
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:25,048
and Queppu's most dangerous creature
only a mother could love...

337
00:22:25,064 --> 00:22:29,032
GUNFACE!
HE GROWLS

338
00:22:32,008 --> 00:22:33,092
HIS FOOTSTEPS ECHO

339
00:22:37,044 --> 00:22:41,096
It's OK. Well, it's not OK, is it?
Because I'm going to die,

340
00:22:42,016 --> 00:22:45,096
and when my corpse gets carried
out it's gonna get boos. I don't
want my corpse to be booed!

341
00:22:46,012 --> 00:22:47,072
I'm going to turn him.

342
00:22:47,084 --> 00:22:50,000
You're a lunatic. Lunatic?

343
00:22:50,012 --> 00:22:52,024
Or just a madman?

344
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,000
Hey!
RAPID GUNFIRE

345
00:22:58,068 --> 00:23:01,088
Can't be easy growing
up with a gun for a face.

346
00:23:02,004 --> 00:23:03,096
Get teased, by the other kids, huh?

347
00:23:04,012 --> 00:23:07,024
"Gunface, Gunface, kiss the
girls and make them die.

348
00:23:07,044 --> 00:23:13,080
"When the kids came out to play,
Gunface blew their legs..."
HE GROWLS

349
00:23:13,092 --> 00:23:15,092
Ahhh.

350
00:23:16,004 --> 00:23:20,076
Oh... Hey, hey, Gunface,

351
00:23:20,092 --> 00:23:23,060
it doesn't have to be like
this any more, all right?

352
00:23:25,044 --> 00:23:30,004
Look, by the standards of
British blokes you're not
that bad looking OK?

353
00:23:30,020 --> 00:23:31,092
Help me, right.

354
00:23:32,008 --> 00:23:37,028
And then on a Friday night you and me
can go to Starbase Seven to Caesar's.

355
00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:40,072
Full of divorcees! You can't
move for the haze of oestrogen.

356
00:23:40,088 --> 00:23:43,008
You will find love.

357
00:23:43,020 --> 00:23:47,000
And if not love, then deffo a handy.

358
00:23:47,012 --> 00:23:49,028
Oh, Gunface!

359
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,072
Sweet, sweet, Gunface. York!

360
00:23:52,084 --> 00:23:54,024
No!

361
00:23:58,028 --> 00:24:02,000
Hey! Do you think you can
put a hole in that wall?

362
00:24:02,016 --> 00:24:05,016
HE GRUNTS
Yeah, let's do it. Let's go.

363
00:24:05,032 --> 00:24:08,028
I'm not the Bitch of the Camp, OK?

364
00:24:08,048 --> 00:24:13,076
So I'm going to stay here and then
they'll get to know the real me,
and then they'll like me, OK!

365
00:24:13,092 --> 00:24:15,028
OK.

366
00:24:18,036 --> 00:24:21,000
GUNFIRE

367
00:24:21,016 --> 00:24:24,088
Father! They've breached the
perimeter wall. We must evacuate.

368
00:24:25,008 --> 00:24:29,076
And renege on our commitment
to quality broadcasting? Never!

369
00:24:29,092 --> 00:24:31,084
Let's have another text.

370
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,056
"You're not very good at
this telescreenovision

371
00:24:34,072 --> 00:24:38,064
"thing if your contestants
escape within three days."

372
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,048
That's from Tareoo.

373
00:24:40,064 --> 00:24:45,076
Well, Tareoo, it's an unpredictable
format and that's why it works.

374
00:24:45,092 --> 00:24:48,056
That's why you marvel!
EXPLOSION

375
00:24:48,068 --> 00:24:50,056
Father, it's over!

376
00:24:50,068 --> 00:24:53,080
You're right. To the Fleeing Tubes!

377
00:24:53,092 --> 00:24:56,076
Oh, I don't think so!

378
00:24:56,092 --> 00:24:59,032
I was just being myself.
What is wrong with that?

379
00:24:59,048 --> 00:25:01,076
At least I didn't have a
game plan like the other two.

380
00:25:01,092 --> 00:25:03,044
Gunface? Round up the guards.

381
00:25:03,056 --> 00:25:05,032
And take Teal. Get Teal out of here.

382
00:25:05,044 --> 00:25:07,060
Just like me.

383
00:25:08,096 --> 00:25:10,096
SHE WHIMPERS

384
00:25:12,024 --> 00:25:15,020
Are we on? Yeah? OK.

385
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:22,024
I, Michael, Mike, Lucky Jack, Hendo
Henderson, am placing you under
arrest.

386
00:25:22,036 --> 00:25:23,040
Arrested.

387
00:25:24,068 --> 00:25:27,092
Sorry. Here? Left a bit...

388
00:25:28,004 --> 00:25:29,044
On that? OK.

389
00:25:32,028 --> 00:25:33,096
Yes, people of Queppu,

390
00:25:34,016 --> 00:25:38,080
telescreenovision
doesn't have to be about humiliation
and cheap voyeurism.

391
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,036
You could have quality programming.
Dramas, documentaries.

392
00:25:42,052 --> 00:25:45,032
Dinosaurs who are also wizards,

393
00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:47,020
never been done before actually.

394
00:25:47,032 --> 00:25:49,036
Commander...you've won.

395
00:25:49,048 --> 00:25:51,036
What, what do you mean?

396
00:25:51,048 --> 00:25:54,056
All this was for you.

397
00:25:54,068 --> 00:25:57,008
My father is old.

398
00:25:57,024 --> 00:26:00,044
Soon, I will need
someone to rule by my side.

399
00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:04,028
Beware her siren words, Commander.
Shush, you!

400
00:26:04,044 --> 00:26:06,088
You said you were going
to be listening to us a bit more?

401
00:26:07,004 --> 00:26:09,076
Yes, I said, "When we get
off this hunka stinkin' moss."

402
00:26:09,092 --> 00:26:11,088
He did, it's in his Best Bits.

403
00:26:13,048 --> 00:26:16,048
Carry on,
for all the good it will do you.

404
00:26:16,064 --> 00:26:20,088
We had to test you, but
you have proved more than worthy.

405
00:26:21,004 --> 00:26:24,000
Be our new Supreme Ruler.

406
00:26:24,012 --> 00:26:27,000
I know your seed is mighty.

407
00:26:27,016 --> 00:26:34,048
The people will marvel at you,
as I marvel at you, Michael.

408
00:26:34,064 --> 00:26:37,064
Do you really marvel?

409
00:26:37,076 --> 00:26:39,008
I marvel at you! Fool!

410
00:26:40,016 --> 00:26:42,000
Come, Father!

411
00:26:42,088 --> 00:26:45,040
To the Fleeing Tubes.

412
00:26:45,052 --> 00:26:47,092
THEY LAUGH MANIACALLY

413
00:26:54,064 --> 00:26:58,028
THEY GRADUALLY STOP LAUGHING

414
00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,080
Oh, flap.

415
00:27:26,004 --> 00:27:28,012
I know you! You're off the telly!

416
00:27:28,028 --> 00:27:31,040
All right, you've been banging
on about it for two days. Enough.

417
00:27:31,056 --> 00:27:33,092
You're much smaller in real life.

418
00:27:34,004 --> 00:27:35,080
Enough! Hello.

419
00:27:35,092 --> 00:27:39,012
Afternoon to you.

420
00:27:40,076 --> 00:27:42,080
Teal,
are you back on the happy pills?

421
00:27:42,092 --> 00:27:45,012
No...

422
00:27:45,028 --> 00:27:48,092
Counsellorbot for you in the
morning. It actually moved.

423
00:27:49,008 --> 00:27:52,048
You're off your head. You can't work
like that, go home.

424
00:27:56,012 --> 00:27:58,008
Go to bed, Teal.

425
00:28:00,004 --> 00:28:03,076
Not there, you big lunatic!

426
00:28:03,092 --> 00:28:07,096
You'll never move her now. Get
the forklift from the docking bay.

427
00:28:12,012 --> 00:28:18,040
Commander, before we commencify
the next mission, could we
make a small detour? Oh, why?

428
00:28:18,060 --> 00:28:22,096
It's just that I've received a
request to attend the opening of
a new gentlemen's establishment.

429
00:28:23,016 --> 00:28:25,092
A disco-cum-sauna-cum-bath house
called Spurt.

430
00:28:26,008 --> 00:28:29,080
HE LAUGHS
Do they want us both to go?

431
00:28:29,096 --> 00:28:32,004
No, I
don't believe you were mentioned.

432
00:28:32,024 --> 00:28:37,016
It's clearly a distraction from my
current objections so, no, all right.
That's very unattractive.

433
00:28:37,032 --> 00:28:39,032
What? Jealousy. I'm not jealous.

434
00:28:39,052 --> 00:28:43,028
I find it deadens the eyes.
My eyes aren't dead. Look at me a
second.

435
00:28:43,044 --> 00:28:46,004
Oh dear, absolutely nothing.

436
00:29:08,092 --> 00:29:10,096
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

437
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:13,008
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk