1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1
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Attention! We are carrying out
compulsory searches in this sector.

2
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Prepare to be boarded.

3
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I am authorised to use
proportionate force

4
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and a new 15% gratuitous force.

5
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It's slowing down.
Commencing boarding procedure.

6
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:51,000
Commander? Yes? If anything happens
to me, I've written you letters.

7
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They're in my room.
Open one a year on your birthday.
You'll not die, Teal.

8
00:01:00,072 --> 00:01:04,084
And Commander? What?
Do find happiness.

9
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I've done nothing wrong.

10
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A young Lallakkiss on a fast ship.
Stop him because it's not his?
It's alienisimist.

11
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Good morning, young man.
Space Commander Henderson.

12
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Oh, we're all in space. What other
kind of commander would you be?

13
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This shouldn't take long.
Watch it, sonny.

14
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Stairlift Commander Henderson.

15
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Are you now a member of the Furious
Martyrs Of Screaming Justice? No.
Are you carrying meat or eggs? No.

16
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Shame. We could have had a fry-up.
Look, it's a tense situation.

17
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I'm trying to add a bit of banter
to... Commander?

18
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Ah...

19
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Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.

20
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That's laugh-time over.

21
00:01:58,024 --> 00:02:02,092
(What is it?) It's a Dreamgate.
It amplifies neural signals.

22
00:02:03,012 --> 00:02:07,096
The wearer can remotely enter the
dreams of anyone from miles around.

23
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Only the most ILLEGAL piece of
consumer electronics in the galaxy.

24
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What kind of sick freak would get
their kicks from a thing like that?

25
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(What kind of sick freak...?)
Oh, precisely, Commander.

26
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I'm looking after it for someone.
Are you? Yeah.
You want six months in prison?

27
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No. I'm sorry.
Oh, no, it's me that am sorry, son!

28
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Mr York, destroy that brain ball!
Commander.
And you, get out of my sight.

29
00:02:41,088 --> 00:02:48,020
Hey! There's one thing on your ship
in need of urgent repair.
What's that?

30
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Your attitude.

31
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IN HIGH VOICE:
"Oh, please don't arrest me!"

32
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I think he learned something there.
Commander? British fair play.
Commander, just to let you know -

33
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he's emptying his latrine tank
at us.

34
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Oh, that is not right.

35
00:03:24,076 --> 00:03:32,036
Robot, my amulet is stolen.
We will be trapped
on this barren world FOREVER!

36
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Forever!

37
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Mmm.

38
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Screen off. Clock, can you set alarm
for 5.30, please?

39
00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:46,016
I want to get a good head start
on the day. 'Alarm set for 6.30.'

40
00:03:46,036 --> 00:03:53,020
No, I said 5.30. 'You always say
that, Commander. Then you press
"snooze" and I'm tired of it.'

41
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:59,024
I will be up at 5.30.
'I just don't think you will.' Fine.
Back-up alarm clock? 'Commander?'

42
00:03:59,052 --> 00:04:06,088
You are now the new
MAIN alarm clock. Can you set
for 5.30? 'Yes, Commander.' Good.

43
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Lights off.

44
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'Set it for 6.30.' 'I will.'

45
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I am lying right here!
I can still hear you.

46
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Captain, I bring your amulet.

47
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Kid Helix!

48
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LOUD LAUGHTER

49
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You saved my life once again.
Now come with me on new adventures

50
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set between series two and series
three with vastly expanded erotic
content. I'm ready, Captain Helix.

51
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SINISTER LAUGHTER

52
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It works! I stand
in another man's mind.

53
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A cranial conquistador!
I was expecting the Pastie Lords
from Cornish Five.

54
00:05:02,048 --> 00:05:09,032
But he's like no Pastie Lord
I've ever seen. His countenance is
fearsome. Don't mind me. Carry on.

55
00:05:09,052 --> 00:05:17,080
A purple signal! An evil professor
has invented a ray which makes
women's clothing go transparent!

56
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Adolescent fantasy possibly masking
an attraction to Captain Helix.

57
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:27,036
So... I can't do this
if you interrupt. Sorry.

58
00:05:27,056 --> 00:05:34,040
Look what came through
the shuttle post. More junk
from the 1990s? Antiques, Jeffers,

59
00:05:34,060 --> 00:05:41,044
relics from a nobler age.
Now this was maybe the principal
form of entertainment back then.

60
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It's called a Magic Eye picture.
A what? A Magic Eye picture.

61
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There's a hidden image. Where?
It's hidden. You have to
concentrate and look through it.

62
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I see a thousand screaming faces.
It's a dolphin. I see a dolphin
with a thousand screaming faces.

63
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Oh, I feel sick.

64
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Ah! There you are.

65
00:06:06,084 --> 00:06:10,072
Where have you been hiding?
Commander.

66
00:06:10,088 --> 00:06:15,056
I've been dreaming about you
a lot this week, York.

67
00:06:15,076 --> 00:06:21,092
Just look at these dark matter
anomalies, Commander.
They're so anomalous.

68
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I've been talking to the crew
about their dreams. It's absolutely
fascinating. I've got a few here.

69
00:06:29,016 --> 00:06:35,020
This one is from young Ivan
in Power. It says,
"I'm falling and falling.

70
00:06:35,036 --> 00:06:40,076
"Suddenly Mr York is there
reminding me to get a haircut."

71
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This one's from Claire. It says,
"I'm having sex with my stepmother.

72
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:51,084
"York appears and says my shift
starts in five minutes."
That reminds me... MY dream -

73
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you, me, Captain Helix and Robot.
Robot was riding
you like a drunken prom date.

74
00:06:58,004 --> 00:07:00,088
No, he was not...

75
00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:04,040
Where's the Dreamgate, York? Mmm?

76
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:09,024
York, you were always a
metaphorical nightmare, but this...

77
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:13,080
Do not destroy this. Join me.
Help me map the dream world. Map?

78
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:19,072
In doing so,
I can show you wonders beyond
the limits of your imagination.

79
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I've been round yours. Quite small,
isn't it? Shut up! A man's brain
is his little grey castle, York.

80
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While the crew sleep,
they lie idle on Space Force pay.

81
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:35,084
With this device we can make them
toil in their slumber.

82
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,088
'Crush, grind or shred?' All three,
please. They dream of you.

83
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:43,052
Cancel. Where is cancel?

84
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'Vine?

85
00:07:52,076 --> 00:07:55,040
'Sandstrom? I don't think so.

86
00:07:57,048 --> 00:07:59,048
'Jeffers?

87
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'I'm not ready for that yet.'

88
00:08:05,032 --> 00:08:07,080
Commander? Commander?

89
00:08:07,096 --> 00:08:11,076
Miss Teal.
How dangerous could that be?

90
00:08:11,092 --> 00:08:16,080
We've had a complaint from the
Lallakkiss saying we're alienist.

91
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:23,084
That is typical Lallakkiss saying
that. Now. Not that they're all the
same. I didn't mean that. Exactly.

92
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:31,056
Shall I arrange a visit for a
Lallakkiss school? Lallakkids(!) Or
we apologise in the Lallakkiss way.

93
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And that is? You strip naked. Then
you drive down a main street while
they hurl hospital waste at you.

94
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:44,016
School. School. Hey, Teal? Mmm?
Let me ask you a question.

95
00:08:44,036 --> 00:08:51,072
If someone could see into your mind
as you slept, it wouldn't be bad,
would it? It's worse than murder.

96
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Bye!

97
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She won't mind.

98
00:09:00,088 --> 00:09:05,044
(Hey! I've never been here before.)
Nobody has, it's the gym.

99
00:09:06,048 --> 00:09:13,044
I'm only going to do this once
because if you keep doing it, it's
really bad. Of course, Commander.

100
00:09:13,064 --> 00:09:20,028
It's simple. You place this piece
over the eye. This probe
enters under the eyelids.

101
00:09:20,048 --> 00:09:26,068
Then drives a hypodermic needle
into the cerebellum.
I don't want to do it.

102
00:09:26,088 --> 00:09:32,076
Or you can just hold it
in your hand, whichever you prefer.
B. As you wish.

103
00:09:32,092 --> 00:09:36,060
Are you ready? Nervous.
Don't be. OK.

104
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See you on the other side.

105
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Go!

106
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SNORING

107
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Our first destination -
the mind of Teal.
Wow. I'm actually inside Teal.

108
00:10:01,092 --> 00:10:08,052
And I bet you never thought
you'd say that.
Ho-ho! There is our chemistry.

109
00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:11,004
Holy... Shush now.

110
00:10:11,024 --> 00:10:18,088
I'm late for ballet class
and the Queen of Finland is coming
for tea! And I can't find my shoes!

111
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,008
Neigh!

112
00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:27,000
Neigh! I love being a horse!

113
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Chloe! Chloe!

114
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SNORTING

115
00:10:36,044 --> 00:10:39,028
There you go, my girl.

116
00:10:39,044 --> 00:10:44,092
Nosh on this. Aw!
You be a beauty all right.

117
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Such handsome flanks!

118
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:53,068
Oh! I knew it'd be wrong,
but it feels so right!

119
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:56,020
NEIGHING

120
00:10:56,036 --> 00:11:02,088
Let's go. Are you sure, Commander?
Yeah. Let's go
into someone else's head.

121
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,076
Yeah. Toast for you.

122
00:11:05,088 --> 00:11:09,064
Yeah. Toast for you. Uh-huh.

123
00:11:09,084 --> 00:11:15,072
Toast for you. That's right.
Toast for you. Yeah!
But no toast for you.

124
00:11:15,088 --> 00:11:20,036
A big piece of toast for you.
That's what I'm talking about.

125
00:11:20,056 --> 00:11:24,088
There is symbolism here
I couldn't even begin to unravel.

126
00:11:25,004 --> 00:11:29,036
Toast for you, Queen Elizabeth.
And toast with jam.

127
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:36,040
Can I talk to the girls? Best not,
Commander. In some circumstances,
potentially fatal. Hello, you.

128
00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:43,032
I'm his boss. I'm the place
where the buck stops. Excuse me.
She smells like a dream!

129
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,080
Hey!

130
00:11:47,092 --> 00:11:52,008
Ah-ha. We're in Vine. Yes.

131
00:11:52,028 --> 00:11:59,012
Now his dreamscape is unique.
This is the only dream he ever has.
Never shifts or changes.

132
00:11:59,028 --> 00:12:03,016
It's remarkably concrete.
He's a pub landlord. 1995.

133
00:12:03,036 --> 00:12:09,096
For Vine this
represents a simpler time.
We are in Vine's pub conscious.

134
00:12:10,016 --> 00:12:16,088
Hello there. What can I get you?
We've just started
doing Thai food.

135
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:20,044
Yeah. Dave's our own best customer.
Sandstrom?

136
00:12:20,060 --> 00:12:22,096
OK. Now come here.

137
00:12:23,012 --> 00:12:28,008
I'd say that is a dream Sandstrom,
an impossible fantasy of his.

138
00:12:28,024 --> 00:12:31,064
Fantasy? Yes. Cor!

139
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:35,048
Are you all right with all this?
Mm?

140
00:12:36,012 --> 00:12:37,060
Oh.

141
00:12:37,072 --> 00:12:40,096
Hoff... Hoffmeister.

142
00:12:41,012 --> 00:12:47,064
Can I have a pint of Hoffmeister
and whatever he wants.
No, thank you. I'm driving...a car.

143
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:52,036
Hoffmeister. Commander? Mmm.
Commander! Mm?

144
00:12:52,056 --> 00:12:59,036
I should stress it is not safe to
stay in any one dream for too long.
Vine really knows his stuff.

145
00:12:59,056 --> 00:13:05,040
We are soaking in the hot bath
of history. Yes, nevertheless,
it's important... Relax!

146
00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:10,064
It's not like we're going
to get drunk. It's only dream beer.

147
00:13:11,068 --> 00:13:13,068
Mmm.

148
00:13:16,072 --> 00:13:19,048
Castlemaine...is ten out of ten.

149
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:24,056
Tennants Extra is like Tennants,
but a little bit more so.

150
00:13:24,068 --> 00:13:30,056
And Apple Hooch - you know? It's
lemonade, but there's a twist.

151
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:37,040
It's alcoholic and it's made
with apples and hooch.
Where did it all go?

152
00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:44,044
Yes. The risk potential status is
now unacceptably high, Commander.
Time to leave. Look. What's this?

153
00:13:44,064 --> 00:13:51,048
It's a mobile phone. I wonder if
you can call someone from a dream?
It's an interesting question.

154
00:13:51,068 --> 00:13:58,092
Jeffers? Jeffers?
An aerial. I'll put this up
and then... Jeffers. Jeffers.

155
00:13:59,008 --> 00:14:03,028
You're going for it, aren't you,
my darling?

156
00:14:03,044 --> 00:14:07,044
Commander...
How did you and Dave get together?

157
00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:10,032
Vine? Me and Dave?

158
00:14:10,048 --> 00:14:17,020
It was at the Poll Tax riots.
I was a WPC then
doing a baton charge.

159
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:24,024
And I saw this hairy little crusty
holding a great big scaff pole. And
I was just about to break his face

160
00:14:24,044 --> 00:14:28,072
and then our eyes just met.
That was it, really.

161
00:14:28,088 --> 00:14:31,048
What a lovely story. It can happen!

162
00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:38,052
Let's get him over. Let's have a
drink. No. He's gone down the cash
and carry, love. Is that dead? Yeah.

163
00:14:38,072 --> 00:14:44,056
Vine! You wouldn't listen,
would you, Commander?
Vine has left the pub

164
00:14:44,076 --> 00:14:51,064
and that means he's woken up.
If he's woken up, then
the dream pathways are severed.

165
00:14:51,084 --> 00:14:58,068
And now we're trapped in Vine's pub
conscious. Just wait till he goes
back to sleep and it'll be OK.

166
00:14:58,088 --> 00:15:04,088
Why don't we have an optics?
You don't seem to understand,
Commander.

167
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:10,004
If one stays in any one dream
for too long, one becomes absorbed.

168
00:15:10,024 --> 00:15:16,008
We may now become a permanent part
of this dream. Lost forever.

169
00:15:16,028 --> 00:15:21,024
Absorbed in a dream - it's like
something Bob would say. Bob?

170
00:15:21,044 --> 00:15:27,032
Who is Bob? Bob, he works
at Jewsons. He sold a motorbike
to Glenn Hoddle. Bob.

171
00:15:28,036 --> 00:15:31,016
And so it begins.

172
00:15:31,036 --> 00:15:38,020
Commander? Oh, Vine, I can't find
the Commander or Mr York. And the
Lallakkiss children are here.

173
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:44,024
And they've already had their
packed lunches. Have you seen
the Commander? I dreamt about him.

174
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:49,068
So did I! They have
to be seen by the Commander or
diplomatic relations will crumble.

175
00:15:49,088 --> 00:15:55,088
And there'll be another war
and millions will die
before we've had breakfast.

176
00:15:57,048 --> 00:15:59,020
What?

177
00:16:02,032 --> 00:16:04,052
I'm Commander Henderson.

178
00:16:04,072 --> 00:16:10,008
Welcome to the Camden Lock,
the fourth British ship
to carry that name.

179
00:16:10,028 --> 00:16:16,032
Two of them were blown up
by your lot. Don't put that
on your worksheets.

180
00:16:16,052 --> 00:16:23,080
Thank you. Now the Commander will
show you to the control room where
there are lots of buttons to press.

181
00:16:23,096 --> 00:16:27,000
OK? That's it.

182
00:16:27,016 --> 00:16:33,036
Buck your ideas up.
You're impersonating a great man.
Get through there!

183
00:16:33,052 --> 00:16:36,040
LALLAKKIDS:
Wonky door! Wonky door!

184
00:16:36,056 --> 00:16:40,096
Oh dear. Don't touch it, please.
Steady! Keep going.

185
00:16:41,012 --> 00:16:43,020
Wonky door! Wonky door!

186
00:16:44,024 --> 00:16:46,072
Vine! Vine!

187
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:51,076
Oh, we're trapped in your head! I'm
turning into a roofer called Phil!

188
00:16:51,096 --> 00:16:56,008
Vine! We've got to get out of here.
I keep thinking my name's Stuart.

189
00:16:56,028 --> 00:17:01,016
And I work down Our Price
and sell loads of CDs by Blur!

190
00:17:01,032 --> 00:17:03,072
I mean, what's a CD by Blur?

191
00:17:03,092 --> 00:17:10,016
We've got to get a message
to Vine's conscious mind.
Yes. But how? How?

192
00:17:10,032 --> 00:17:15,000
We've got to think, Commander.
And we've got to think fast.

193
00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:21,004
Karaoke machine, a primitive model
from the era before it became
an Olympic sport.

194
00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:26,004
Commander? Commander?
I need you to stay with me.

195
00:17:26,024 --> 00:17:32,096
No-yeah. I have an idea.
If you utilise this device
to create powerful sonic waves

196
00:17:33,016 --> 00:17:37,024
while I initiate a process
of spatial physical entropy,

197
00:17:37,044 --> 00:17:43,012
it might cause a temporary breach
between the conscious
and pub conscious minds. What?

198
00:17:43,032 --> 00:17:48,016
IN MANCUNIAN ACCENT:
You whack up the volume on this.
I'll trash the place!

199
00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:51,076
Tape 236 - Cotton-eyed Joe. OK.

200
00:17:51,092 --> 00:17:57,040
Hey, Vine! We're in your head!
Listen to us, Vine!

201
00:17:57,056 --> 00:18:01,052
♪ ..Cotton-eyed Joe
Where did you come from...

202
00:18:01,068 --> 00:18:04,076
Listen to us, Vine!

203
00:18:04,088 --> 00:18:07,076
♪ I've been married a long time ago

204
00:18:07,092 --> 00:18:11,048
♪ Where did you come from
Where did you go... ♪

205
00:18:11,064 --> 00:18:16,008
Did you hear that? Vine,
we're in your mind. Listen to me!

206
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:22,092
'Vine!' The Commander will show you
round the control room.
This is where the navigator sits.

207
00:18:23,008 --> 00:18:25,048
Our navigator's called David Vine

208
00:18:25,068 --> 00:18:32,032
and he's the best in the game.
(Tosser!) Who wants to be
a navigator when they grow up?

209
00:18:32,052 --> 00:18:40,004
Well, you should do. Navigator
is the most important job
on the ship... 'Vine!'

210
00:18:40,020 --> 00:18:42,008
'Vine!'

211
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:45,008
'I'm Henderson!

212
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:49,004
'I'm Commander Henderson.'
Yes, you are.

213
00:18:49,024 --> 00:18:55,072
'Go to the gym!'
The Commander feels
physical fitness is very important.

214
00:18:55,088 --> 00:19:00,016
'In Vine's head. Being absorbed.

215
00:19:00,036 --> 00:19:07,008
'Where did you come from?
Where did you go? Where did you
come from, Cotton-eyed Joe?'

216
00:19:09,056 --> 00:19:11,060
Hey! Hey!

217
00:19:11,072 --> 00:19:14,052
Vine! Vine! Vine! Vine!

218
00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:20,056
Vine! Vine! Vine! Vine!
Vine! Vine! Vine!

219
00:19:20,072 --> 00:19:24,052
Vine! Vine! Shut up or I'll...
Vine.

220
00:19:24,068 --> 00:19:27,044
OK, lads. Karaoke's on a Thursday.

221
00:19:27,060 --> 00:19:32,052
If you want to smash the place up,
you'll have to wait till Saturday.

222
00:19:32,072 --> 00:19:39,072
Now, who are you two?
Je m'appelle Phil.
Je...suis...un roofer.

223
00:19:39,092 --> 00:19:48,008
I'm Stuart and there was something
I was trying to remember. Oh, Bob
says you can do his roof for 200.

224
00:19:48,024 --> 00:19:52,032
200 quid! Wha-hey! Dream on!
Dream on!

225
00:19:52,052 --> 00:19:58,036
Right. There's a bit of a change
of plan because they've got to
rescue the Commander and Mr York.

226
00:19:58,056 --> 00:20:04,092
So I'm going to lock you in a
cupboard. But it's OK because I'll
change its name to Fun Cupboard!

227
00:20:05,012 --> 00:20:12,016
Fun Cupboard! A very fun cupboard.
There's some technical manuals
at the back to colour in.

228
00:20:12,032 --> 00:20:14,032
'Door closing.'

229
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:21,036
They're in my head!
They're in my head!

230
00:20:21,048 --> 00:20:23,088
They're in my head. Look.

231
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,020
This is a Dreamgate 4000 series.

232
00:20:27,032 --> 00:20:30,032
It's the deluxe model.

233
00:20:30,048 --> 00:20:34,040
Not that I've seen one myself.
How do we get them out?

234
00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:41,016
If Vine fell asleep, they'd find
their own way out. Lie down.
Sleeping now. Shush!

235
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:44,080
♪ Oh sweet Vine
Sweet baby Vine... ♪

236
00:20:44,096 --> 00:20:47,032
Sleeping now. Are you asleep? No.

237
00:20:47,052 --> 00:20:54,084
Vine! You've got to sleep! If you
don't, they'll die and it's all
your fault! Can't seem to drop off.

238
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,056
Why don't we just unplug them?

239
00:20:58,064 --> 00:21:05,048
You can't unplug people from a
Dreamgate. You give them irreparable
psychic embolisms with a hot unplug.

240
00:21:05,068 --> 00:21:11,012
Why's this so hard?
We'll use the Dreamgate
to enter the Commander's mind

241
00:21:11,032 --> 00:21:19,008
and follow the path he took into
Vine's mind. Oh, I could kiss you!
You could try. Shall we?

242
00:21:19,024 --> 00:21:22,000
I'M COMING, COMMANDER!

243
00:21:22,020 --> 00:21:29,004
Hang on. We're going to enter my
own head. I don't want to go there!
I've spent years repressing...

244
00:21:29,020 --> 00:21:32,088
Oh, we really don't...

245
00:21:33,004 --> 00:21:37,068
Back, Pastie Lord!
You cannot defeat me!

246
00:21:41,056 --> 00:21:48,080
Excuse me! Coming through!
Thank you. Oh, sorry.
You dropped your... There you go.

247
00:21:48,096 --> 00:21:51,032
I know.

248
00:21:51,044 --> 00:21:53,084
ELECTRONIC SQUEAK

249
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,000
Oi, oi. Ravers. Tossers!

250
00:22:07,052 --> 00:22:09,056
Commander.

251
00:22:09,068 --> 00:22:12,008
Hang on. Big un's coming.

252
00:22:13,068 --> 00:22:17,060
This is quite literally
my dream pub.

253
00:22:17,072 --> 00:22:21,084
Are you my wife? Yeah, Dave.

254
00:22:21,096 --> 00:22:25,092
And do we...? Yeah.

255
00:22:26,004 --> 00:22:29,096
Just a bit. That's perfect.

256
00:22:33,028 --> 00:22:35,076
Street Fighter II. Guys! Guys!

257
00:22:35,092 --> 00:22:40,080
These were all destroyed in the
Retrogamer Massacre back in 2054.

258
00:22:42,012 --> 00:22:45,080
All right. Let me just try
and work this through.

259
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:53,004
So I am Commander Michael Henderson
from the spaceship Camden Lock and
I've got to come with you now? Yes!

260
00:22:53,020 --> 00:22:56,016
And I'm First Officer Pork?

261
00:22:56,032 --> 00:23:03,008
YORK. York. So I'll have
to remember that.
And my life's in danger too? Yes.

262
00:23:03,020 --> 00:23:05,080
LOUD LAUGHTER

263
00:23:05,096 --> 00:23:09,056
It's Edmonds, innit?
Is it Edmonds?

264
00:23:09,076 --> 00:23:16,060
Commander! It's like Vine's Magic
Eye picture. You've got to see
the pattern through the chaos.

265
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:22,060
Try and remember somebody who cares
for you more than she can say.

266
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:28,092
My old nan. Oh, for goodness sake!
OK. There's this big brown chair

267
00:23:29,012 --> 00:23:35,036
and you like sitting
in your big brown chair.
Oh, yeah, Spinning. Spinning.

268
00:23:35,056 --> 00:23:42,080
Mr York, we're in Vine's head!
We need to get out through the mind
portal. You're in on it too, then?

269
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:49,072
Are you getting me back
for putting your name
on all those prozzy cards! Teal.

270
00:23:49,088 --> 00:23:52,080
Rip your uniform. Do it! What?

271
00:23:54,076 --> 00:23:58,084
Wilful uniform damage.
To the Punishment Cube!

272
00:23:59,060 --> 00:24:02,016
Mr Vine!

273
00:24:02,032 --> 00:24:06,060
Hey, Jeffers. Let's go.
Couldn't we do this first?

274
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:13,064
Where are you taking my husband?
You don't want to know. I took out
ten hippies at Stonehenge with this.

275
00:24:13,084 --> 00:24:19,052
You're not you. The real you
is a cyborg on a spaceship
in the 22nd century.

276
00:24:19,068 --> 00:24:22,060
You're part of a dream
in David's head.

277
00:24:22,076 --> 00:24:27,024
You never leave the pub
and it's always ten to three.

278
00:24:31,044 --> 00:24:37,040
Is this true, Dave? How come?
Everything we've worked for.

279
00:24:37,052 --> 00:24:39,044
Me?

280
00:24:39,056 --> 00:24:42,068
Is none of it real?

281
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,020
Sorry.

282
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:52,024
I bet that feels pretty REAL!
Now, do you want to try a chair?
I love you! I want to stay here!

283
00:24:52,044 --> 00:24:57,096
I've tried the real world
but I don't get along with it. Oh,
Dave! I want to live here with you.

284
00:24:58,016 --> 00:25:05,084
You can put my body in a tank and
get some tubes into it, so I can
stay here? Yeah. That's possible.

285
00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:14,028
Are you sure you want to do this,
Dave? There's no coming back
from it. Yeah. As you wish. Hey.

286
00:25:14,048 --> 00:25:19,088
It was lovely to meet you.
You really are wonderfully brassy.

287
00:25:20,004 --> 00:25:23,008
Go! Go! Oi! Dave!

288
00:25:23,020 --> 00:25:25,060
Dave! Dave!

289
00:25:29,004 --> 00:25:31,052
Put me back in my head!

290
00:25:31,068 --> 00:25:36,036
Oh, really! Whose mind is this?
Take a wild guess. Of course.

291
00:25:37,096 --> 00:25:40,088
SCREAMING
Cheers. Likewise.

292
00:25:42,032 --> 00:25:46,056
Where are we now?
Perhaps we've taken a wrong turn?

293
00:25:46,072 --> 00:25:51,040
Hey! Map. You've got a map?
He has a map. Thank you.

294
00:25:51,056 --> 00:25:57,004
OK. Um... But we don't know where
we are now. That's true. Guys?

295
00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:06,092
That is creepy.

296
00:26:07,004 --> 00:26:09,044
Oh, Commander! Oh, no!

297
00:26:12,052 --> 00:26:16,064
Oh, lord. Stop it.
I don't like it.

298
00:26:20,076 --> 00:26:23,040
Is everyone all right?

299
00:26:23,052 --> 00:26:27,028
We're home. Reality.

300
00:26:27,048 --> 00:26:33,036
Is it, though? Can you feel that?
Yes, I can. Can you? Yes. Are you
sure? Yes. Stop picking at me.

301
00:26:33,056 --> 00:26:40,040
Because maybe we were so desperate
to escape, that one of us fantasised
the perfect recreational ship

302
00:26:40,060 --> 00:26:46,000
and we've just slipped into
that reality without realising?

303
00:26:46,016 --> 00:26:49,036
No.
 Lallakkids!

304
00:26:53,084 --> 00:26:58,016
OK. OK. Fine. So you came on to
the spaceship as a goodwill gesture.

305
00:26:58,036 --> 00:27:04,000
A scary man screamed at you and you
got locked in a not fun cupboard
by a very tall lady.

306
00:27:04,020 --> 00:27:10,024
What bribe do we need so you don't
tell anyone? A lolly? A lolly each?
Two lollies each and a sticker?

307
00:27:10,044 --> 00:27:16,020
Two lollies each, a sticker
and 10,000 credits?
..Yes, of course.

308
00:27:19,088 --> 00:27:23,024
Cheers, mate.

309
00:27:25,016 --> 00:27:27,064
OK. Good.

310
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:32,048
As we dispose of this little globe
of troubles,

311
00:27:32,064 --> 00:27:37,052
let's not get lost in recrimination
about who went into whose head...

312
00:27:37,072 --> 00:27:44,092
Because you went into ours. You did.
Yes. But that's not the issue. The
issue is... Well, it is. I agree.

313
00:27:45,012 --> 00:27:49,096
I think I'll have a bath.
Teal, walk with me a while.

314
00:27:52,020 --> 00:27:54,068
TEAL GIGGLES

315
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,020
You wait till tonight.

316
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:07,044
Look. I just wanted you to know
that anything that I saw
inside your mind

317
00:28:07,060 --> 00:28:12,048
will be treated with the strictest
confidence. Really? Absolutely.

318
00:28:12,068 --> 00:28:18,068
Thank you, Commander.
That's a relief. Good. Come on.
Get out of here. OK.

319
00:28:20,072 --> 00:28:23,032
NEIGHING AND SNORTING NOISES