1
00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:08,716
(Stephen Merchant over phone)

2
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,593
(Karl) All right, I'll talk to you
before I come home.

3
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:39,435
(Karl) All right.

4
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,988
- I don't know.
- (Car horns honking)

5
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,911
- Are you looking for the Messiah?
- Yeah.

6
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,195
- He's gonna be here any minute.
- Here?

7
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,998
- Yes.
- What time are you seeing him?

8
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,116
- What?
- What time have you got an appointment?

9
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,556
I don't have an appointment with him.
I'm not a journalist. I'm with him.

10
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,552
- (Karl) Oh, right. So you know him?
- Yes.

11
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,675
- (Dog barking)
- Which side of town does he live on?

12
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,512
- Oh, here he is.
- Oh, yes.

13
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,160
This is him. It's gotta be him, hasn't it?

14
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:10,360
<i>I met Jesus today. I never thought</i>
<i>I'd be doing that in my life.</i>

15
00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,079
<i>He turns up, you know, robe on, beard.</i>

16
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:17,312
<i>Gets off his moped,</i>
<i>that he calls a donkey, apparently.</i>

17
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:21,712
He makes it... He makes it look more like
a donkey by putting blankets over it.

18
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,079
Looks nothing like.

19
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,799
People of Israel. You must be holy.

20
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,394
- Really? Are you holy?
- Otherwise...

21
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,153
you have a problem with your Father, God.

22
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:35,152
Hang on a minute, I was here first.
Have these lot jumped the queue now?

23
00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:38,118
- Is that it? Have I got to wait behind...
- They're not in the queue.

24
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,599
They're just... It's curiosity.

25
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,636
- How are you doing? Steve sent me.
- Thank you.

26
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:43,551
- What?
- Steve. I'm hear to see ya.

27
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,596
- OK.
- Can I sit down?

28
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,671
- Of course, sir.
- Ohhh.

29
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,153
He'd sort of go, "Sit down, my son" or whatever.

30
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:55,597
None of that. He sort of shook me hand, said hi,
carried on arguing with someone else.

31
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,434
(Exchange in Hebrew)

32
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,875
Some of it, you know, in a language
I don't understand.

33
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,589
(Exchange in Hebrew)

34
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,831
I don't know what's going on.
I don't know what's happening, really.

35
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,717
(Speaking Hebrew)

36
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,552
(Jesus) No, I'm not talking French, sir!

37
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,756
No way. Learn Hebrew.

38
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,795
Do some Russian things.

39
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,394
He's one of them people
who starts to answer your question

40
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,118
before you've finished the question.

41
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,873
- So you feel like you have to do this, then?
- Why?

42
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,757
- (Man speaks)
- Oh, questions again.

43
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:28,592
Maybe the real one was like that.

44
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,750
I mean, you know, we don't know, do we?

45
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:34,594
(Speaks Hebrew)

46
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:37,240
This is gonna happen everywhere he goes.

47
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,915
- It's pointless. It's like knocking about with...
- (Continues arguing)

48
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,116
...Jordan or something.
Do you know what I mean?

49
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,270
- This is what's gonna happen.
- (Speaks Hebrew)

50
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,716
I have a health problem.
Let me touch your vest and cure me.

51
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,109
Leave me alone, you crazy guy!

52
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,556
- May I touch your vest, mashiach?
- Don't touch my nothing!

53
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:56,835
- Please...
- I can't touch his vest?

54
00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:59,832
It's like Elvis, innit? It's like Elvis.

55
00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:03,151
If he wasn't dead,
would he still be a legend today?

56
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,514
That's how I feel with that.

57
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,239
I just think he would have been better off
not coming back.

58
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,869
I've had enough.
Can't we just go and see Petra?

59
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,190
Seriously, I think I've played the game.

60
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,794
Steve said see Israel, get involved.

61
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,519
- I've...
- (Car horn honking)

62
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:19,555
Yeah.

63
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,437
Are we going this way, then?

64
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:25,508
What?

65
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,839
- Toilet roll.
- That's OK.

66
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:31,036
Suntan lotion.

67
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,155
Please.

68
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:33,795
(Karl) Fuck me.