1 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,399 The Seven Wonders of the World. 2 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,119 Christ the Redeemer. 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,589 The Taj Mahal. 4 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,193 The Great Pyramids. 5 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:18,074 Truly man's greatest achievements. 6 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:22,397 But there's one man who sees them differently. 7 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,630 Like a pylon. 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,479 Karl Pilkington. 9 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,677 I don't know the politically correct term. Moron, I think. 10 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:38,108 He is a round, empty-headed, chimp-like Manc moron. Buffoon. Idiot. 11 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,553 Is that normal? 12 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,631 And he's a friend. 13 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,917 He's a typical little Englander and he doesn't like going out of his comfort zone. 14 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,831 Bollocks are squashed. 15 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:51,357 I just think that it'd be amazing to send him round the world. 16 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:56,753 What we'd like to see is him experience other cultures, other peoples, 17 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:00,833 and see if in any way we can change his outlook on the world. 18 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,390 I've been to many exotic places. I genuinely think travel broadens the mind. 19 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,630 I want him to hate it. 20 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,234 I want him to hate every minute of it, for my own amusement. 21 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:15,311 Nothing is funnier than Karl in a corner being poked by a stick. 22 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,234 I am that stick, and now I have the might of Sky behind me. 23 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:22,039 Oh, shit. Shit! 24 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:26,671 This is one of the funniest, most expensive practical jokes I've ever done, 25 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,910 and it's gonna be great. 26 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,310 Just let me go home. Jesus Christ! 27 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,395 This you must be excited about seeing, surely? 28 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,552 This, truly, without question, is one of the Seven Wonders of the World. 29 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,757 - The extraordinary Taj Mahal. Yeah? - Yeah. 30 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,988 Built in the 17th century. It took them 22 years to construct it. 31 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:54,675 That's not good, is it? If that happened now, you'd go, "What they doing?" 32 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,512 It's the 17th century, 33 00:01:56,600 --> 00:02:00,513 a man who builds a mausoleum for his dead wife, so heartbroken is he. 34 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,114 Guilty. He obviously did something bad when she was alive. 35 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:07,671 That's like giving someone flowers. I've never had to do that. I've never felt guilty. 36 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,639 - You never thought, "Give her some flowers"? - No, she'd be like, "What's been going on?" 37 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:15,508 If I built her that, she'd be going, "What's been going on?" 38 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,476 Why did he feel he had to do that? 39 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,030 Cos he loved her so much. It was a shrine to her memory. 40 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,473 (Karl) Yeah. 41 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:30,512 (Bicycle bell rings, horns beeping) 42 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,351 Just a little elephant going down the street. 43 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:42,718 I can't imagine them being that good as a way of getting about. 44 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:46,998 To me, that's like how people moan in London about people having four-by-fours. 45 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,550 You don't need an animal of that size to get about. It's way too big. 46 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,074 (Vehicles sounding horns) 47 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:57,196 Getting ill is my biggest worry about being here. 48 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,111 I hate being ill. 49 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,350 You know, Suzanne isn't around. I'm on my own. 50 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,194 If I get ill, I'll just have to mope about on my own. 51 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:09,909 It's definitely the poorest place I've ever been to, you know, without a doubt, 52 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,879 and I... I don't know if I'll be able to get used to that. 53 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,236 - (Horse snorts) - Fucking runaway horse! 54 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,833 It's doing my head in, this. 55 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:23,869 I'm meant to be meeting a local fella who rides one of these rickshaws for a living. 56 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:28,238 Um... Ricky and Steve thought it'd be a good idea, for some reason. 57 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,880 I can't work out what the reason is, though. 58 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,714 This is madness. It's like standing in the middle of a motorway. 59 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,190 I mean, what a place to meet a fella who's got a rickshaw! 60 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:42,637 My eyes have never been so busy. There's always something there going, "Look at me!" 61 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:46,508 And then, as you turn that way, you see something over there. So, you're like that. 62 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,239 By the end of today my neck will be well and truly worn out, 63 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,629 cos it doesn't normally move that fast. 64 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:56,475 There's layers of madness. And what is that? Where... where is he taking that? 65 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,872 You can't say he's taking it to the tip, cos there's shit everywhere. 66 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:07,115 They just overload the bike so much that you just kind of think, "Get a van." 67 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,032 Can you see any distinguishing features in this fella's rickshaw? 68 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,794 - Aashiq? - Yeah, yeah. 69 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,836 Are you? 70 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,956 OK. It's a bit of a mad place to sit and have a discussion. 71 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,473 Yeah, yeah. 72 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,710 - (Horns sound) - Oncoming traffic. Oh. 73 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,793 Ah, what the fucking hell's going on? 74 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,599 I've got this bus up my arse here. 75 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,513 Oh! There's no way of getting around. 76 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,114 - Oh! - (Horn sounds) 77 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,589 Going through someone's cricket game. 78 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:50,116 How long have I been here? I haven't even been here a full day yet. 79 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,590 I thought the day was gonna end and I'd at least have a good night's kip. 80 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,717 That's not gonna happen now. Aashiq's just invited me to stay with him. 81 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,711 He lives in the back of a shop. 82 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,360 - You've got a shop. You live in it as well. - Yeah. 83 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,950 - The rickshaw? - Yeah. 84 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,789 Hiya. It's hot in here. 85 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,440 - (Music playing) - (Chatter) 86 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,114 Erm... 87 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,430 I'll just sit down here, if that's all right. 88 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,070 - So, how would you sleep here? - Yeah. 89 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,913 - What, just flat out there? - Yeah. 90 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,834 Tonight, how many will be sleeping here? 91 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,112 Can you understand why this is a little bit of a shock to me? 92 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:53,878 (Chatter) 93 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:57,748 (Karl) When I found out that he ran a shop from where he lived, 94 00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,512 I kind of thought he'd be... 95 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,990 you know, how you see chippies, and they've got a living room in the back 96 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:06,629 and when you walk in, the bell goes and they run out from watching Emmerdale Farm, 97 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,870 and you say, "I'll have cod and chips." 98 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:14,239 That's what I was expecting, not sort of a... I mean, what is this? 99 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,270 It isn't a living space, is it? 100 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:21,319 - What's it lacking? - What's it lacking? 101 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,993 There isn't even a toilet, actually. That's only just hit me. 102 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,755 I was worrying about having to use a traditional toilet. 103 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:32,116 There isn't one, so that's that worry gone. But then... 104 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,599 What... what do I do? 105 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,194 (Horns sounding) 106 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,310 - OK? - So, we're not staying here tonight? 107 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,152 (Chuckles) No, no, no. 108 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:03,189 What makes you think I would be happier in this other place? Have they got a toilet? 109 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,555 - Yeah. - Let's go, then. 110 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,757 - Yeah, let's go. - Good, you've sold it to me. 111 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,756 This is more like it. 112 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,035 This will do. 113 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,719 Toilet, brilliant. Well, how do you go? I don't understand the... 114 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,916 Go, go, go. Turn, turn. 115 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,992 - Hang on. I'm just getting my balance. - Take the... Yeah. 116 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:37,152 No paper? l-I don't think I'll be able to go like this. 117 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,589 My body's just not used to this. 118 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,559 I know, but do you understand how difficult it is for me? 119 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,835 - I've come from London. - Yeah. 120 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:55,268 Less than 24 hours ago, I was sat in one. Newspaper. Quite happy. 121 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,032 Not even 24 hours ago. 122 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,873 Now you're saying, "Come in here, give it that, you'll be all right." 123 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:05,273 It's not as easy as that for me. My insides won't... won't allow it to happen. 124 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,831 It can't possibly be better. 125 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,549 - Splash back. I don't want to get into detail. - No, no, no. 126 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,750 (Snorts) Well, you'll see tomorrow, cos I am getting first dibs on this 127 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:23,310 and you'll see if it's better and you'll go, "Good God, who's been in here?" 128 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,356 - (Laughs) - Let's see how good it is. 129 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,715 You're laughing cos you know I'm right. 130 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,677 Right, hopefully I won't need to go. 131 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,836 I didn't sleep well last night, did I? 132 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,674 I'm still shattered from yesterday. I mean, that was a mental first day. 133 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,196 It doesn't look like it's gonna end. Aashiq's just given me some pyjamas to wear. 134 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:46,159 He said, "Oh, you'll be needing these for your next surprise. " I don't know what it is. 135 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,550 You know, I mean surprises are meant to be nice things, aren't they? 136 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,870 - What's up, Karl? - (Vehicle sounds horn) 137 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,599 (Karl) Just got a text from Steve. 138 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:58,195 "Hi, Karl. India is not all poverty and urban chaos, mate." 139 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:02,193 Well, he obviously hasn't been here, cos it is. So, straightaway that's annoyed me. 140 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,714 "Time to get your arse up north, 141 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,553 "for some exposure to the spiritual side of India, 142 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:11,872 "the biggest religious festival on the planet, only 20 million pilgrims expected." 143 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,837 He knows I hate crowds. 144 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:18,198 "Just one hurdle, to get there, it's an eight-hour overnight bus ride." 145 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,592 Excuse me, what's all this? 146 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,796 Why are they covered in... 147 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,238 - Jesus. - Yes, yes, yes, Holi Day! 148 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:35,757 I want to go to the bus station now. Bus station. You know, the big bus, big... 149 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,239 - Mm. - Toot, toot! 150 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,913 - (Man shouts) - (Horn sounds) 151 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,036 I don't know what's going on. 152 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:49,908 Just everybody... just looks like they're painter and decorators. 153 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,594 Everyone is just caked in colours. 154 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:55,114 - Happy Holi! - (Cheering) 155 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,029 I just hope we don't stop at any more traffic lights 156 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,795 cos every time we stop, someone slaps my face with a load of colour. 157 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,792 Er... the bus is coming up. 158 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,632 Buses. 159 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:11,110 Is this the bus station? Bus station? I'm trying to get a bus. 160 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,272 - You come with me. - Buses down here, yeah? 161 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,116 Your family? 162 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,316 - They... they love you. - Happy Holi. 163 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,992 Happy Holi! 164 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:32,834 Happy Holi! 165 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,070 What's... what are we doing here? 166 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,674 - Happy Holi. Happy Holi. - Happy Holi. 167 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:42,276 I mean, normally if I'm messing about with paint, I'm quite a tidy worker. 168 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:43,713 This wouldn't happen. 169 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,110 But I didn't have the time to not do it, did I? 170 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,670 He said, "Come and meet my family." I'm like, "All right, then." Next thing you know... 171 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,113 (Drumming) 172 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:56,079 I mean, it is paintball, basically, without the safety. 173 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,913 There was no goggles involved. It was just, "Doofl" 174 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,037 (Drumming) 175 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,231 It was good that Aashiq was concerned about my clothing, 176 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,197 and he gave me summat to wear today. 177 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,714 He could have told me about the shoes, you know. 178 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,712 I mean, that's all very well telling me, like, to worry about a T-shirt 179 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,631 that was 12 quid from Topman. 180 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,951 I've got 70-quid trainers on. He didn't tell me to take them off. 181 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,600 So, um... they're knackered. 182 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,830 Yesterday I thought I'd got used to it. 183 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,753 I thought, "Right, I'll be OK tomorrow." 184 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:37,277 Just when you think, "Right, I know what India means, I know what it's all about," 185 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,920 this happens. 186 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,556 Anyway, where's this bus stop? 187 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,314 I'm not well, honestly, I feel really sick. 188 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,595 - (Water dripping) - I've got a fever. 189 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,797 I can't tell if I'm sort of... got a bad fever, 190 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:07,510 cos, you know, I can't tell what colour I am with all the... with all the dye. 191 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,593 - (Water dripping) - But, um... What's that? 192 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,240 Er... I don't care any more. 193 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:20,111 I just sort of feel like if I'm gonna shit myself, I will. 194 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,760 Cos I just feel that sort of ill. 195 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,394 That's never been used. 196 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,550 (Door creaking) 197 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,793 Is that it? Is that the... Oh, there's a queue here. 198 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:41,759 - I'm just... He's helping me out. - Not here. 199 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,990 Yeah? Is that all right? Sorry. Just a quick one. 200 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,150 Is there a ticket to Haridwar? 201 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,436 They're kicking off. I knew that would happen. 202 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,351 Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. 203 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,829 I'm happy... 204 00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:01,516 I mean, at the end of the day, are these all for the same bus? 205 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,989 You know, I don't want to be sat on a bus for eight hours 206 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,753 with some people who, you know, are pissed off with me. 207 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,559 Oh, excuse me. Thanks. 208 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,790 (Chatter) 209 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,440 Excuse me. 210 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,956 I tell you what, it doesn't matter how amazing that Taj Mahal is, 211 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,110 it's not worth all this. 212 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,839 I haven't even seen it yet but I'm telling you that now, 213 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,992 and that isn't good, going with that attitude. 214 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:30,073 Alan Whicker, he did all his travel shows years ago. 215 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,118 A smart fella with a suit on. Never saw him covered in shit. 216 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,270 Never saw him knackered, whinging, moaning. 217 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:38,830 People will be watching it going, "What's wrong with you? It's India. What do you expect?" 218 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:39,875 You're not here. 219 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:49,231 (Voicemail) Received 4:58pm. 220 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,278 (Ricky) Um... yeah. 221 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:21,319 (Vehicle sounding horn) 222 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,991 I don't know anything about the festival, 223 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,629 other than what Steve told me about it being a massive religious thing 224 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:33,190 and it's by a famous river, you know, the Ganges, which I've heard of. 225 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,236 But other than that, I don't know why I'm going, 226 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:39,472 and on top of all that, Ricky's told me that I'm staying at a place called Lahore House. 227 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,949 - Sounds good, doesn't it? - Your tent is ready. 228 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,076 - Tent? - Yes. 229 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:48,312 A tent, brilliant. I haven't slept. I'm being put in a tent. 230 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,192 You see? 231 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,077 - This is all right, isn't it? - Yes. 232 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,789 - Bathroom. - This is well smart. 233 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,429 (Chuckles) I wasn't expecting this. Brilliant. 234 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:05,275 Bit of a stretch there for the toilet paper, if I'm being picky, that distance. 235 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,590 But I tell you what, I am really chuffed. 236 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:12,800 Yeah, I've been camping. I've done tents before. But nothing like this. 237 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,790 I've got a normal toilet, which is handy cos of the way I've been feeling. 238 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,552 Nice comfy bed. 239 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,154 View of that, you know, famous river. 240 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,390 Can't ask for more. 241 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:29,076 A lot of people say, "I'm going to India to find myself." 242 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,594 Look at the colour of that. 243 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,319 But what happens if I change and I go home and I'm all different? 244 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:38,712 Suzanne's gonna go, "What's happened to you", and then she doesn't like the new me. 245 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,475 And then I'll start to hate myself because I'm not the person who I thought I was. 246 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:44,152 I know who I am. Bloody hell. 247 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,391 I'm getting bills for Karl Pilkington left, right and centre, so I hope I'm him. 248 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,835 Cos if I'm not, I'm paying for someone else. 249 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,832 (Chanting) 250 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,071 (Chanting) 251 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,350 There's nowt wrong with this, is there? 252 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,717 All this space here. 253 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,315 Honestly, I'm happy. I can stay here now for the rest of the time here. 254 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,755 (Chanting) 255 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:15,836 If I'm listening to him doing that, isn't that me getting involved? 256 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,831 Isn't that enough? 257 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,474 I'm just saying let's have a few days here. 258 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,109 That's the Ganges. I'll look at that. In't that a big part of India? 259 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,350 Let's focus on that for a bit. 260 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:33,553 (Man) It's not very interesting telly to just stay here all day, though, Karl. 261 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,315 I don't know why Steve wants me to go to a religious festival. He knows I'm not into it. 262 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,278 The only things that's making me sort of interested a little bit 263 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:45,558 is the bloke who's had his arm in the air for 12 years and the elephant Baba. 264 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,916 Other than that, I don't know what's down there for me. 265 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,036 (Bells chiming) 266 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,360 - (Phone rings) - (Karl) All right, mate? 267 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,796 Er... Well, I've had better holidays. 268 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,272 All this spiritual stuff you keep harping on about, it's not me. 269 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,191 Why do you think I'm interested in... 270 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,955 But that's like going to a brothel and saying, "I'm just gonna stand over here and watch." 271 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,110 Either you get involved or you shouldn't be there. 272 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,070 (Karl) Yeah. 273 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,516 Yeah, and tonight I had some sort of new pudding that I've never had before, 274 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,955 carrots with sort of milk and sugar on it. 275 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,838 I enjoyed it. I'd have it again. I don't know if I'll find it in London. 276 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,392 In HD? 277 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:02,955 This is a bit weird, isn't it? Are these the Baba people? 278 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,476 I mean, they're meant to have special powers, aren't they? But look at 'em. 279 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:10,792 I mean, I thought they'd be sort of more religious-looking, all prim and proper. 280 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,314 This one hasn't even got pants on. 281 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,312 We are now in the area which is all different Babas. 282 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,038 Welcome. 283 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:21,396 You should take his lesson. 284 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,717 First Baba, he reminded me of Bill Oddie. 285 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,597 His feet are backwards. 286 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,671 - Holy yoga. - Yoga. 287 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,479 - Big power. - Big power. 288 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:37,236 Even though he's meant to be this mystical sort of man, different life and everything, 289 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:41,279 I'm just looking at him thinking, "I haven't seen The Goodies for ages." 290 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,157 (Low chatter) 291 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,439 And then the other Baba looked like Jim Morrison. 292 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:51,718 There he was, stark bollock naked, shades on. 293 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,711 He was concerned about hurting his eyes in the sun 294 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:58,271 but wasn't worried about, you know, sunburning his arse cheeks. 295 00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:02,035 He is showing you some new postures so he'll... 296 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,680 - He's showing a lot. - Yeah. 297 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,070 - If you want to see more, you'll have to pay. - I don't want to see more. 298 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,513 I didn't know where to look. 299 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,113 Tell him that's enough. 300 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,670 Sticking his legs around the back of his head. I got a right eyeful. 301 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,830 (Karl) OK. 302 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,356 Can I try? I just wondered how bendy my legs are. 303 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,796 That's all I'm taking off. 304 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:27,714 - Phwarr! I just heard something crack. - (Chuckling) 305 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,633 Right, are you ready? Hang on. 306 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,393 - Hey. - (Grunting) 307 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,075 Aah! 308 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,833 Aah. I can't. 309 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,354 - (Grunts) - (Laughter and chatter) 310 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,796 - (Bell chiming) - (Grunts) 311 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,075 Hey! Dollar! 312 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,720 - A dollar? - Very good. 313 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,474 Here you are, here's that Baba out the paper. 314 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:05,718 So, could he explain the... the reason why he's decided to do this? 315 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,234 (Speaks native language) 316 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:13,348 He has chosen this as a part of his way of communicating 317 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,238 and his way of reaching to the gods. 318 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:21,276 That-that to me is... It's ridiculous. 319 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,238 Most of the time, my left hand is only helping out the right hand. 320 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,914 It's if I'm washing up, I'll pass it something. 321 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,276 That's it or it just holds something whilst this one does all the work. 322 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,476 I understand that one arm is better than the other, 323 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:36,473 but I'd never say, "Oh, but I don't need it, right?" 324 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:42,237 Has... has anybody ever took it further and done both? Both arms? 325 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,231 (Bell chiming) 326 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,915 (Translator) There are others also who do it with one leg up, both hands up, 327 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,197 both the legs up so they'll never stand on their feet. 328 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,748 That's no existence, is it? 329 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,957 We all dedicate our lives to something, don't we? 330 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,156 Been with Suzanne for 16 years. 331 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,549 That's dedication for you. 332 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,676 And I've got my two arms to do things for her. 333 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,228 Is he married? How does he help around the house? 334 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:10,950 "Albert, windows need cleaning." "Oh, you'll have to do 'em." 335 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:15,158 - You know. It's just a great excuse, isn't it? - (Bell chimes) 336 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,438 (Bell chimes) 337 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,195 Yeah, it was better than I thought it was, you know, quite interesting, 338 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,078 and I'm going back tomorrow to see the elephant Baba. 339 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,833 He's got a head like an elephant. That should be good. 340 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,876 (Bells chiming) 341 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,599 (Bird chirping) 342 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:40,549 I'm gonna go down to the Kumbh Mela festival again. 343 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:44,918 Which is weird, cos I didn't want to go initially. But I found it quite interesting. 344 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,834 And the translator's called and he's told me that he's found the elephant Baba. 345 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,480 - Yeah, I can see him. Yeah, I can see him. - You can. 346 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,790 - Here we take off our shoes. - Shoes off. 347 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,836 Money down there. 348 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,911 Oh. 349 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,231 - How is he feeling today? Is he well? - OK, good. 350 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,993 - OK. - Mm. 351 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,111 He doesn't mind... he doesn't mind me looking at all? This is fine? 352 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,555 Yeah. 353 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:16,910 Does he have any sort of health issues with him? Does he struggle doing anything? 354 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,719 (Speaking native language) 355 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,115 He's quite healthy. He does his yoga every day. 356 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:31,271 Could you get him to explain what effect it has had on living here 357 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,316 and looking like this? 358 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,914 (Speaking native language) 359 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,471 The main god for them is Ganesh, the elephant god, 360 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:46,351 and so they consider him to be kind of an incarnation of Lord Ganesh. 361 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,955 It was how I thought it would be, you know, meeting elephant Baba. 362 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,996 He seems quite happy. 363 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,356 You know, he's doing what he can do with the way he's been born. 364 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,671 It was his mate that surprised me more. 365 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,194 Whips his, er... walking stick out. 366 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,272 (Karl) Oh, God. 367 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,352 I don't... I don't understand what... What does that show? 368 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:17,831 He can... he can do it just because he does yoga every day. 369 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,309 (Karl) I've never heard of that sort of yoga. 370 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,438 - (Click) - Ooh! What was that? There was a crack. 371 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,239 When you're doing that every day, you need the walking stick. 372 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:31,074 It's handy, that, it's a two-in-one tool in a way. 373 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:35,312 But I don't understand this need here to let everyone know what you believe in. 374 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,871 Vandalising his own sort of... knob and bollocks. 375 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,873 Yeah, that was an added bonus. I didn't know I was gonna be getting that today. 376 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,439 (Bell chiming) 377 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,273 (Drum roll) 378 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:55,437 I got a text message this morning from Steve. He said, "All right, Karl? 379 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:59,798 "I was worried that you would not be able to understand the spirituality 380 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:04,908 "so I've asked a local saint to take you to his ashram for the night 381 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,993 "for some one-to-one discussions on the nature of life 382 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,548 "and higher levels of consciousness." 383 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,753 Apparently I'm gonna meet one of his disciples, a feller called Dav Ram. 384 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,356 Hiya. Are you Dav Ram? 385 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:21,793 America. 386 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,838 - Dav Ram? - America. 387 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,309 - What? Are you Dav Ram? - Yes, I am. 388 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,949 - What do you mean, America? - I thought you said where did I come from. 389 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,077 - Yes, my name is Dave Ram. - Dav Ram. OK, brilliant. 390 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:42,233 We're gonna meet, really, one of the great saints of India. 391 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:46,836 Swamiji has reached the height of spiritual development. 392 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:53,951 Just being in the presence of a master of that calibre elevates one's awareness. 393 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,918 - Will he keep asking me if I'm feeling that? - No. 394 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:58,592 - No? - No. 395 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:03,834 I'm trying to think of times in my life where I felt a bit different. 396 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,478 Right. 397 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:10,793 And I remember, it was years ago, I nearly choked to death... 398 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,518 Hm. 399 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,831 ...on an ice pop. - Hm. 400 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,273 My mum had to give me... 401 00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:20,750 Do you know the thing where you squeeze round the waist and cough it up? 402 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,752 - Right, uh-huh. - And I got my breath back. 403 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,913 And after that, I felt quite, er... 404 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,195 alive. 405 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:36,992 OK, well, take that experience, magnify it manifold, and let it be uninterrupted. 406 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,355 Hey, how are you, Swamiji? 407 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,835 That's good. 408 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,239 I've been better. 409 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,789 I'd say mind. 410 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,592 Hm. 411 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,198 Anyway, next thing I know, 412 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:12,034 Swamiji says, "I want to take you across the Ganges in a boat. " 413 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:16,193 Cos he wanted to cleanse my soul. I've never had it cleansed before. 414 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,475 Here you are, look, it's having a dump. 415 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,238 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 416 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,788 Yeah, all right. Yeah. 417 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,555 I'm not dipping there. No chance. Not a chance. 418 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:37,473 You all right, swami? 419 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:41,519 - (Phone ringing) - Oh, shitting hell. Hang on. 420 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,953 Hello? 421 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,388 I'm just on the Ganges at the moment. 422 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,040 I'm just on a rubber dinghy with a 77-year-old man. 423 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:50,473 (Ricky laughs) 424 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,149 So, it's not a great... 425 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,118 I'm sat on the front here of a rubber dinghy. Can I call you back? 426 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,799 I'll see you later. Ta-ra. 427 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,512 Good time to call, wasn't it? 428 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,109 Innit it wrong, though? For me to get in there. 429 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,510 It doesn't mean anything to me, does it? It doesn't count, surely. 430 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,036 He said, "Do you want to go in the Ganges?" I didn't know. 431 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,479 - Yeah? - Yeah. 432 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,516 I... 433 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,034 And he left it at that, which I thought was quite good. 434 00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:29,032 He didn't force it on me, to go any further. 435 00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:33,238 And then, um... he started stripping off so I had to. 436 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:37,359 - This is madness. - (Laughs) 437 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:44,117 - Come on, eh? - (Both laugh) 438 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,556 Right. 439 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,191 (Swami laughs) 440 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:59,115 And I said, "Well, if you go in, I'll go in", and he did. 441 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,398 So I had to. 442 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,710 Oh! 443 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,199 (Grunts) Bloody hell! 444 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:13,556 And I thought that was it, and then suddenly, no, it's dunk your head. 445 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:16,758 Yeah, right. 446 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:22,233 You know, not once, either. You have to do it three times, three dunks. 447 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:26,836 You don't do that with a ginger nut and a cup of tea. That's a two dunk. 448 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,672 Yeah, that's it. Yeah. 449 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:33,957 Fine! Fine, fine, fine. 450 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:38,272 So, do that, he's happy. 451 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,638 He was saying, "Oh, look what it's done to you. You look full of life." 452 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:46,349 And it did wake me up a bit, but it is like minus five. 453 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,438 Back for a cup of tea? 454 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,388 - Have you got some biscuits? I love a biscuit. - Yeah, yeah. 455 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,358 I feel like I can take a biscuit off you now. I did that for you, that. 456 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:09,872 It's funny, isn't it? It's funny how things change. I said I wouldn't get in there. 457 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,111 (Drumming and chanting) 458 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,351 I don't feel like I'm round some sort of special power, 459 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,750 but he seems like a nice bloke and that's all you want really. 460 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:21,990 Nice bloke, makes you feel welcome in his gaff, 461 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,516 he's fed us, he's let me have a bed, messed about in his rubber dinghy. 462 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:30,196 You know, if that's what spirituality's about. I mean, that's just being mates, really. 463 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:34,319 That's basic, isn't it? It's just about getting on with people. 464 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,595 (Drumming and chanting) 465 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,069 He's a transformed man. Look at this guy! 466 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,913 - (Karl) Very hairy. - (Laughter) 467 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,318 - (Speaks native language) - See you in the morning. 468 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,755 (Both laughing) 469 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,676 Thank you again. 470 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,874 (Music playing) 471 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:36,272 (Karl) I don't know why Steve sent me to look at a cow. We've got them at home. 472 00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:40,911 Anyway, soon as I got in there, they had me on cow worship duty. 473 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,673 I'm giving it a centre parting. 474 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:48,559 - Cow dung cake? - Cake. 475 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,108 - Is that fresh? - Yeah, this fresh. 476 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:54,749 Anyway, these cow dung cakes, you know, it's a type of fuel. 477 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,434 You know, it shouldn't really have the word "cake" in it. 478 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:04,632 Oh, it is as well, isn't it? I thought it might have just been mud but it is proper cow shit. 479 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,438 And I was worried about the local thing 480 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:10,354 about, you know, using your hand when you've been to the toilet. 481 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,512 I'm getting neck high in cow shit. 482 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,192 - My God. I never thought I'd be doing that. - (Bell chiming) 483 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,672 I've been ill twice already, so this isn't gonna help the situation, is it? 484 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,513 I thought I was on the way to the Taj Mahal today. 485 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:28,478 They said, "Oh, let's stop over here." 486 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,678 No problem. I'll see some cows. What can go wrong? 487 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:37,675 And then like just as I'm leaving, you know, they drag me into some sort of souvenir shop. 488 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,398 - Soap? - Yeah. 489 00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,152 - Cow dung juice? - Yeah. 490 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,595 No one I know has ever been rushing around going into Body Shops 491 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,194 saying, "You haven't got any cow shit soap, have you?" 492 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:50,635 It's not needed. It's so not necessary in life. 493 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,835 Right, toothpaste but powder. And what... what's this made from? 494 00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:03,993 You can still like the cow without going that far with the... with the shit and the piss. 495 00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,518 - Went over my arm then. Oh, God! - (Laughs) 496 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:13,196 It was just like old man piss. Sort of when your grandad's been and hasn't flushed. 497 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,714 You drink that? 498 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,628 - It cures baldness? - Yeah. 499 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:24,599 I come all the way to India. Sticking cow shit on my head. 500 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:26,830 If I said, "Get stuff out of a chicken and rub it over your head," 501 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:28,273 they'd go, "Don't be stupid." 502 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:32,353 But because it's a cow and it's this sort of religious animal, 503 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:35,557 it's just, "Yeah, drink it direct. Get the tail up." 504 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,676 It's just too much. 505 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:40,479 I think it's... It annoyed me a bit. 506 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,073 (Sighs) 507 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,799 I've still got bits under my nails. 508 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,550 No, it's starting to do my head in again. 509 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,519 Just, you know, even when I went out travelling today. 510 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:56,115 Normally I like travelling around, sat in a car, looking out of the window, 511 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,556 but it's not... it's not a nice thing to do in India. 512 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,437 Honestly, I just want to go home. 513 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:05,877 Oh, Jesus. It stinks. My eyes are burning. 514 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,553 All right? 515 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:30,910 - (Horn sounds) - There's the hotel. 516 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,150 - This is the hotel? - Yeah, this is the hotel. 517 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:37,313 - This one? - Ha, thik hai. This is very mahanga. 518 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,198 This hotel's got a honeymoon suite. 519 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,715 (Sounds horn) 520 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,030 Pilkington, honeymoon suite. 521 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,796 Good, isn't it? 522 00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,548 It's good. 523 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,189 Honeymoon suite? This isn't a honeymoon suite. 524 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,238 - Who'd have a honeymoon here? - (Horn sounds) 525 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:08,276 What's that? What's the cupboard for? 526 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:14,869 Oh, right. It's sort of an en-suite shed, which is, er... quite handy. 527 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:18,794 Oh, God, it stinks. (Clears throat) Fuck me, what a shit hole! 528 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,356 Sandpaper. 529 00:34:23,720 --> 00:34:26,188 What's this one? A dartboard? 530 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:31,036 Hm. I thought that was gonna be the fridge to the room. 531 00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:34,510 Turps. Paintbrushes. Good. 532 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:38,593 That's what you want on your honeymoon. Every time you have a smell of Ronseal. 533 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,114 "Oh, that takes me back to our special night." 534 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,675 (Loud music playing) 535 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,035 (Horn sounds) 536 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:52,035 I can't see the Taj. He... he said you look straight out there. 537 00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:54,076 (Horn sounds) 538 00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:58,188 That's what you can see, that. 539 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,475 (Sighs) It's madness, that. 540 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:05,076 A dead body staying in summat half decent like that and I'm in here. 541 00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,720 - (Horn sounds) - I hate it, honestly. 542 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,756 l-I really hate it here. 543 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,155 Fuck this. I'm not staying here. I can't be arsed with this. 544 00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:17,037 (Man) Karl, where you going? 545 00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,031 Karl? Karl? 546 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:21,588 Karl, where you going, mate? 547 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,240 Fucking hell, I'm just... I'm not staying in that room. 548 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,231 - (Rumbling traffic) - What's it about? 549 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:28,629 (Man) I don't think anyone knew it was quite as bad. 550 00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:31,075 I mean, your room's not that bad compared to ours. 551 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,116 It stinks of shit. 552 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:36,431 - (Rumbling traffic) - What d'you mean, it's not that bad? 553 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,114 It fucking stinks. 554 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,555 (Rumbling traffic) 555 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:43,596 (Low chatter) 556 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,436 (Horn sounds) 557 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:52,519 It's just that I've been here for like ages. I'm knackered. I haven't slept. 558 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,511 It's another noisy road. I've been ill. 559 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:56,591 D'you know what I mean? It's not your fault. 560 00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:58,398 - All right. - It's not your fault. 561 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,153 (Horns sound) 562 00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:04,789 - (Chatter) - (Horns sound) 563 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,394 - (Music playing) - (Chatter) 564 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,192 - (Music playing outside) - (Vehicles sounding horns) 565 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,232 I bet many a bloke's spent a night in here on their own, 566 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,356 even though it's a honeymoon suite. 567 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,591 I bet the woman says, "That's it, it's over. 568 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:30,036 "If this is where you bring me for my wedding night, forget it." 569 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:31,758 (Horn sounds outside) 570 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,799 It's six in the morning. I've been awake all night, throwing up. 571 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,348 It's still coming out the other end. 572 00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:56,879 I'm not feeling my best, to be honest. 573 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:05,156 (Man) So, it's your first proper glimpse of the Taj Mahal, Karl. How does it feel? 574 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,833 It's all right, isn't it? 575 00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:11,911 It's not bad. 576 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:15,390 It took 20 years to build. He built it for his dead wife. 577 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:18,278 I just think it was a case of keeping himself busy. 578 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:21,158 They say that, don't they, when someone dies, 579 00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:24,835 it's a loss in your life so give yourself a little project to do. 580 00:37:26,240 --> 00:37:29,038 (Man) It's quite a big project, though, isn't it? 581 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:34,791 Yeah. I mean, did he treat her well when she was knocking around? 582 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:37,758 (Man) Well, she was one of four wives. 583 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,229 Know what I mean? 584 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:45,110 One of four wives. "No, I had three other wives. I shouldn't have done that, really. 585 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,555 "Best stick her in something nice now she's dead." 586 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:52,077 It's too late, it's too late, mate. Don't come crawling back once she's dead. 587 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,671 (Horn sounds) 588 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,274 (Horns sound) 589 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,479 - Remish, hiya. I'm Karl. - Nice to meet you, sir. 590 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,074 - Welcome to the Taj Mahal. - Thank you very much. 591 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:17,039 When you look the Taj Mahal from the next arch, like a Taj Mahal in a frame, 592 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:20,192 beautiful like the postcard view. 593 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,874 Yeah. It works well, that, doesn't it? Nicely fits in, doesn't it? 594 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,872 (Remish) Yes, your dream come true. 595 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,554 You're front of this beautiful building, majestic. 596 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,313 - Is this part of your tour? - Yeah. 597 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:34,517 There you can see a beautiful reflection view of Taj Mahal. 598 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,398 Like a, "Buy one, get one free". 599 00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,233 - Buy one, get one free? - Good offer. 600 00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:44,677 - Next step? - So, you can see the Princess Diana chair. 601 00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,992 When was in 1992 she came here, she took the pose from here. 602 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,519 It's daft how the tourists all love the Princess Diana chair. 603 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,592 Queuing up to sit down on a chair that Princess Diana sat on. 604 00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:00,399 Load of nonsense. 605 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,472 - We're after these two. - Yes, sir, that's your turn. 606 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:07,553 This is a sausage factory. Sit down, look miserable. Duh-zhoosh! Next. 607 00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,598 Yes, hands on the knees. 608 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,750 That's the style. 609 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:14,068 Very nice. 610 00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:16,993 - Was that good? - You have a photogenic face. 611 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,197 Taj Mahal's beautiful, you're more handsome. 612 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:26,195 - (Man) Have you got any feelings coming up? - Er... stomach's better now. It's fine. 613 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,113 (Man) I meant more of an emotional nature, being here. 614 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,033 Erm... how can you have an emotional feeling here? 615 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,554 There's like 40 people stood around. 616 00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:40,988 Princess Diana had it closed off, didn't she? She could sit here and think about stuff. 617 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,953 But compared to out there, this is peaceful. 618 00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,759 And I think that's why Diana came here, that's why she looked fed up. 619 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:49,558 She probably had the shits for two days. 620 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:53,428 Sick of the racket, crap hotel. She's like, "God, when am I going home?" 621 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,478 Nothing to do with her marriage break-up. It's India. 622 00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,397 The main white structure, four sides symmetrical. 623 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,199 - Look from all side, same view. - Oh, right. 624 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,670 So by the centre line, Taj Mahal divide like a mirror image. 625 00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:08,955 Half this side, half other side. 626 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:11,793 - It is, isn't it, exactly? - Yes, sir. 627 00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:14,917 I find it odd, to be honest. He's built it for a dead person. 628 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,878 Yet he was doing all of that symmetrical stuff. 629 00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:24,316 It's like, "Hang on a minute." It's almost like having a gravestone with a Suduko on it. 630 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,437 What is it? Is it a place to remember someone and have a special moment? 631 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,556 Or is it a place to go and have a puzzle? 632 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,074 Have you ever done that thing where you have a mirror... 633 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,038 - Yeah. ...and you go like that in the mirror? 634 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,873 - And it looks like both sides are going up? - That's right. 635 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:41,270 - It's the same... same idea, isn't it? - Same idea. 636 00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:46,795 (Chanting) 637 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,637 This is the best way to see it, for me, this. 638 00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:55,872 It's not the best river I've ever been down. I think I've just seen a fish with three heads. 639 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,997 But I just like the peacefulness. 640 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:00,877 - (Phone rings) - (Chanting) 641 00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:04,033 All right? 642 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,588 Yeah, I've just been to see the Taj. 643 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:11,237 Yeah, it's all right, you know. I was pretty impressed. 644 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,636 I hate it. 645 00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,636 I stayed at that place that had an en-suite shed. Did he stay there? 646 00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:23,676 (Ricky laughs) 647 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,991 (Chanting) 648 00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:35,675 And this is like the final view of it, in't it, before I go home? 649 00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,476 All right, mate? How's it going? 650 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:48,273 It's been interesting, Steve. I've learned a lot. I've seen a lot, I've done a lot. 651 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:51,079 - I've shat a lot. - (Laughter on phone) 652 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,630 I mean, just over there, they cremate bodies over there. 653 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:59,838 So, you're never that far away from a bit of weirdness in India, even here. 654 00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:04,516 Probably on the telly you're going, "That looks lovely, wildlife going on there, 655 00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:06,511 "the sun going down, the Taj Mahal. 656 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:10,559 "Hang on, what's that? There's a load of dead bodies at the back." 657 00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:24,312 - Definitely not. - (Ricky laughs) 658 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:31,312 This has been the only building in India that has a bit of normality to it. 659 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,277 So, maybe that's why it's a wonder. 660 00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:38,993 Yeah, I can't see anything matching this one, to be honest. 661 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:43,795 Pretty serious for me, that, innit? 662 00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,238 # La la la la 663 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:53,592 # La la la la 664 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,037 # La la la la 665 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:02,311 # La la la la 666 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,558 # La la la la 667 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:08,952 # La la la la 668 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:11,072 # La la la la 669 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:12,594 # La la la la #