1 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,791 The Seven Wonders of the World. 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,879 Christ the Redeemer. 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,349 The Taj Mahal. 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:13,953 The Great Pyramids. 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,278 Truly man's greatest achievements. 6 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,352 But there's one man who sees them differently. 7 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,158 It's like a pylon. 8 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,512 Karl Pilkington. 9 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,953 Ha ha! 10 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,871 I don't know the politically correct term. 11 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,075 Moron. 12 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:38,269 I think he is a round, empty-headed, chimp-like Manc moron. 13 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,716 Buffoon. Idiot. And he's a friend! 14 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:42,994 - (Clunk) - Aiee! 15 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:46,675 He's a typical Little Englander and he doesn't like going out of his comfort zone. 16 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:47,715 Aargh! 17 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,872 I just think it'd be amazing to send him round the world. 18 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,234 (Children shouting) 19 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:56,472 (Stephen) What we'd like to see is him experience other cultures, 20 00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:01,680 other peoples, and see if in any way we can change his outlook on the world. 21 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:05,275 I've been to many exotic places. I genuinely think travel broadens the mind. 22 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,316 I want him to hate it. 23 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,233 I want him to hate every minute of it, for my own amusement. 24 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,475 Nothing is funnier than Karl, in a corner, being poked by a stick. 25 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,394 I am that stick, and now I have the might of Sky behind me. 26 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,191 Shit! Shit! 27 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,671 This is one of the funniest, most expensive practical jokes I've ever done. 28 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,069 And it's going to be great. 29 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,152 Just let me go home. Jesus Christ! 30 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:43,149 Karl, you may have seen this place in the film Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade. 31 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,708 Petra in Jordan. 32 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:50,590 Extraordinary ancient city, carved into the rock. 33 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,114 Yeah, I suppose it's like cladding for a cave, in a way. 34 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,270 - In a way. Yeah. - It's an impressive entrance. 35 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,874 - I mean, I'd love that to be my house. - Would you? 36 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,316 - It would be amazing. - What I say about things like this is, 37 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,836 you're better to be in the cave across from it, 38 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,592 - where you're looking at that. - Right. 39 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:09,956 You're getting the nice view. The people living in this are looking at my hole. 40 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,479 Do you know what I mean? I always think that about nice houses. 41 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,869 - Why only a hole? - You're better off in a council block. 42 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,633 - Cos you're looking at a stately home. - You're looking at the niceness. 43 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:22,679 - They're looking at the grimness. - Yeah, but you're living in the grimness. 44 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:26,116 We haven't seen the inside, for a start. You're saying that's amazing. 45 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,475 I'm saying it looks good from the outside. 46 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,597 That sort of thing, on an estate agent, you'll go, "Let's see that." 47 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,717 But then you go, "Hang on a minute. Why ain't it been sold yet?" 48 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,075 There's a reason. The inside's not that good. 49 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,879 Well, let me know. Let me know if it's worth buying. 50 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,076 And also, what does it face? 51 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,197 Cos if there's a shack across the road, I'm not buying it. 52 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,511 - I'll buy the shack. - Right. That's what I'm saying. 53 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:27,158 When I started this off, there was no mention of coming to places like Israel. 54 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:31,438 "Seven Wonders of the World. That'll be all right. Where are they? Nowhere dangerous. 55 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,829 "Oh, they're in Jordan..." What are we doing here? 56 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:39,232 Israel's bad news. I don't know why we couldn't just go straight to Jordan, 57 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,436 see the Wonder, go home. 58 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,875 When we went to India, there was none of this. 59 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,110 We went straight there. There was no stopping off. 60 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,839 "Let's just nip to Afghanistan." There was none of that. 61 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:52,117 Straight there. So why are we messing about here? 62 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:59,751 Maybe it's not that bad, but all I know is, whenever I hear about Israel, it's problems. 63 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,353 That's all I see on the news. 64 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,512 They never have a, "And finally, a happy story. 65 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,955 "The world's largest marrow has been grown in Israel." 66 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,679 It doesn't happen, that. It's never a fun story. 67 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,716 It's the... "It's kicking off again." 68 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,554 Sort of feel like that relationship that that bloke had. 69 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,315 You know, the one who climbed a mountain and ended up cutting the rope of his mate. 70 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,552 Steve's cutting the rope here. He's leaving me here dangling in shit. 71 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,749 It's doing my head in, this place. 72 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:33,879 Do you know what I mean? You've got blokes walking around with guns. 73 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,315 I just feel like I'm constantly on alert. 74 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,278 Cos it's... There's an edginess to it, isn't there? 75 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,196 (Shouting in Arabic) 76 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:00,474 Hey, leave him, leave him, leave him! In his car! Hey! 77 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,917 (Karl) I can't breathe. Fucking hell, me back. 78 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,314 - (Groans) Fuckin' hell. - (Bleep) 79 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,595 - (Shouting in Arabic) - What? 80 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,352 I don't know what you're saying. 81 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,037 Stop hitting me on the head. 82 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,276 (Shouting in Arabic) 83 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:50,833 Be good. Be good! 84 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,992 - (Karl) I'm being good. - Be good! Talk to me! 85 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,310 (Karl) Hang on a minute. I'm... Are you English? 86 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,949 - Yes! Talk to me! - Who are you? What do you want? 87 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,157 - What are you doing with Israelis? - I'm just here on a holiday. 88 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,754 - Just on holiday? You are spy! - I'm not! 89 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,717 - You are fucking spy! - I'm not a fucking spy! 90 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,438 You are fucking spy! Israeli spy! 91 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,080 Who is your manager? What is the number of him? 92 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,913 - It's in my mobile. - What mobile? What is the number of him? 93 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,356 I don't know! I don't even know my mam and dad's number! 94 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,795 Give me the fucking number! 95 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,270 Who... who are you working with this... all this shit? 96 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,716 - For Sky. Sky. Sky! - Sky? What sky? Sky? 97 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,314 - Sky One. HD. - Sky One? 98 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,756 - Well, that's who we're giving all this shit to. - TV? TV? 99 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,230 It's pretty... pretty frightening. 100 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,515 - You know, most of the people... - Crap. Sorry. 101 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:44,749 Yeah, this is, uh... 102 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:49,436 I mean, the adrenaline. I was shaking for about 15 minutes after that happened. 103 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,954 But it makes me realise that I haven't got a clue, really. 104 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:56,716 You have to know by heart the telephone number of the back office of you, 105 00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,076 that you are going to call them and tell them the secret word, 106 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,878 that you decided before. 107 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,394 You say the secret word, that mean he knows, 108 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,391 he knows that you are under danger. 109 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,630 - There's no secret word. - There should be. 110 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,314 - I haven't got one. I'm not messing around. - There should be. 111 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,435 No one has given me a word. 112 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,477 I don't know what number to call. I'd have to call Suzanne up. 113 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:17,959 Say, "I'm in a bit of bother." 114 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:22,272 I wouldn't want to panic her straightaway, so I'd say, "How is everything?" 115 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,352 - Then, "So, right, listen. Bit of a problem." - OK. 116 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:28,273 "I was taken away." She'd probably start going, "What do you mean?" 117 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,750 - I'd go, "Sh. Quiet. I've got low battery." - OK. "Where are you? Where are you?" 118 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,876 - "Don't shout. They can hear." - "Where are you?" 119 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,997 - "Where? What country? Where?" - "I'm in... You know where I am." 120 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,798 - "Where?" - "You never listen to me. 121 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,711 - "You go on about haircuts..." - "Where?" 122 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,473 - "I'm in Israel." - "In Israel? What? Where are you?" 123 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,471 You're right. We haven't sorted anything out. 124 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,596 - You're OK. - I mean, I'm clueless. 125 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,875 But I didn't know I was coming to Israel. 126 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,632 The fact that they teach that stuff here means that it does go on. 127 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,190 That wasn't all set up for me, was it? That's proper training. That's what they do. 128 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:01,034 Surely they wouldn't... Why would they have me? What can I offer? 129 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,510 They'd call the embassy up, say, "We've got Karl Pilkington here." "Who? 130 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,433 "Oh, we've got no record of him." 131 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,159 Erm... I don't think it'd even make the news. 132 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,437 I'd probably get in the local paper in Manchester if it was a light news day. 133 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:17,559 "Karl Pilkington, Manchester, is stuck in a hut somewhere in Israel." 134 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,919 Go, go, go, go, go! 135 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,355 Go! Go! 136 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:25,918 - Check the other side. - Fine. 137 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,513 - Go to the door. - Stay there! 138 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,510 Good. 139 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,273 OK! How you feel? 140 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,510 Knackered. 141 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,511 - Huh? - Yeah. 142 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,992 Did that look good? 143 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,196 This guy is wait for you in the corner. 144 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,556 Yeah. I don't know if I saw the gun or not, though. 145 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,990 I just... He looks like he's from Liverpool. I thought, "He's up to no good." 146 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,469 - Yes. - He looks like a Scouser. 147 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:04,514 What is this all about? You know, I thought I was seeing the Wonders of the World. 148 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,114 I thought I was on my way to see Petra in Jordan. 149 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,395 The plane lands, I'm in Israel. 150 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,950 Not Jordan, you know, where the Wonder is. Israel. 151 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:20,118 Yesterday, I spent a day getting a bag put over my head, 152 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,510 and he turned round and said, "Oh, you might need that, being in Israel." 153 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,272 Well, don't have me in Israel, then. 154 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,632 Then, it can't be that dodgy, can it? Look at all the tourists. 155 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,154 It's sort of relaxed me a little bit, I think. 156 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,515 Cos you don't queue up to go into a danger zone. 157 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,511 But there is a lot of people about with guns. 158 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,990 You know, is it all part of it, though? Do they do that for the tourists? 159 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,753 Does it make the tourists feel like, "Oh, it's a bit edgy," 160 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,398 but really it's not going to kick off? 161 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,198 I can't work out. 162 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,593 At the end of the day, I'm just not that into religion. 163 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,672 Do you know what I mean? It doesn't excite me. I don't need it in my life. 164 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,070 But because I'm here, Steve's saying, "Well, you might as well see some of it." 165 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,230 I said, "Like what?" He said, "The Wailing Wall." 166 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,630 I said, "You what?" He said, "The Wailing Wall. It's really popular there. " 167 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,711 So I'm going to go and look at a wall. 168 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,756 (Chanting in Hebrew) 169 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:17,229 This is all new to me. It's not like I've come here with any idea of what this is about. 170 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,471 I've no idea. They all seem to be doing different things. 171 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:24,439 Some are kissing the wall. He's nodding at it. 172 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,829 People sticking bits of paper in. 173 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,078 There's bits of rubbish in there. 174 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,072 There's some sort of... One of those insurance slip... Sorry. 175 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,232 Like a form about insurance or something, stuck in that one. 176 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:40,108 So they even get junk mail. There's junk mail in the wall. 177 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,076 It's a weird one, the wall. 178 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,790 It reminded me of, like, people who write to Jim'll Fix It, you know. 179 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,110 You're not gonna get an answer. Not everyone, anyway. 180 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,556 A waste of time. I always think about an alien. 181 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,235 If an alien landed, and for some reason it picked me, it'd go, 182 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:04,759 "Karl, you're our leader whilst we're here. Why do people do this in Israel?" 183 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,910 "Dunno." 184 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,230 How'd you explain that? 185 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,951 It's not how I thought it would be, Jerusalem. 186 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,713 I had this vision in my head of a place where, you know, 187 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,631 Jesus was knocking about on a donkey. 188 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,711 That's been shattered now. 189 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,989 Everywhere you go, there's some other religious people coming out of the wood. 190 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,117 It's like... It's like Pacman. Innit? Do you know what I mean? 191 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,634 You go down a little alley thinking, "This will be quiet," 192 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,676 then a load of stuff comes at you. 193 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,194 (# Pop music) 194 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,912 Nothing's ever easy, is it? 195 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,754 You know, Steve said he'd sorted me out with a lift to get back to the hotel. 196 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,798 Well, that's nice of him. And then this lot turned up. 197 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,712 My whole life, this is all I want to do. I want to go around, 198 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:09,112 this car, or another car, every day, and make people happy, why not? 199 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,516 Here's what we do in traffic jams. 200 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:18,239 They were nice enough lads, and that. But doing that is dangerous. 201 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,676 And there's enough danger here, you know, with, you know, bombs going off, 202 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,591 or blokes walking about with guns. 203 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:27,195 I don't need to add more danger to me little trip by dancing about on a busy road. 204 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,874 You know how many smiles we're gaining right now? 205 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,269 We could be saving lives right now. 206 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,636 Somebody who's maybe depressed and wanted to commit suicide, 207 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,551 now he's smiling, now he doesn't want to. 208 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,917 - She's not smiling. - Take a sticker... See a sticker? 209 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,070 - Yeah. - Put it on the bus. 210 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,594 - (Horns beeping) - She's terrified. She is terrified. 211 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,398 She's going, "For God's sake." 212 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,277 She went like that and locked the door. 213 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,794 - Let the public... - All right, the lights are changing. 214 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,394 Lights, lights, lights! Lights! 215 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,556 (Horns blaring) 216 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,793 We're not getting out again? Where are you going? 217 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,348 (Horn blares) 218 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,476 And it took ages, didn't it? 219 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,120 I mean, I might as well have got on a bus. 220 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,555 You know? At least a bus has less stops than they do. 221 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,598 I mean, every hundred yards, they were getting out and having a dance. 222 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,796 - Enough, huh? - Yeah, let's go. 223 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,519 Come out with us! Come out with us. Just for a bit. Come on. 224 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,273 (Karl) We're moving. Two minutes. Two minutes. 225 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,316 (# Pop music) 226 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,712 On a corner. Couldn't pick a dangerous spot. 227 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,439 This is the most dangerous place. 228 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,076 (Horns beeping) 229 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,908 Yeah, I felt a bit bad about jumping out and legging it. 230 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,355 But I don't like dancing, do I? 231 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,112 You know, I don't dance at weddings, 232 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,510 so I'm not going to start doing it on a dual carriageway, am I? 233 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,273 I mean, they're right. There is a lot of misery in the world. 234 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,158 But that doesn't help me. That's making me worse. 235 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,754 (Horns beeping) 236 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,400 They're causing all that bibbing. 237 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,313 You know? Someone's trying to get to hospital. Their gran's dying. 238 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,073 They're in the road. (Sings tune) 239 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,116 Get out the fucking road! 240 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,678 Spoke to Steve this morning. 241 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,955 and he said, "Oh, get yourself over to Bethlehem, 242 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,349 "to see where baby Jesus was born." 243 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,512 Bit of a problem, I found out it's in Palestine, which, you know, 244 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,114 that's another place I've heard nothing but bad news about. 245 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,317 Plus, I've got to get over a massive wall to get to it. 246 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,231 It's just ugly. 247 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,356 And it goes on for miles. 248 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,796 I mean, they're not messing about, are they? I kind of thought, 249 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,348 "I bet there's some way you could sneak under it or over it." 250 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,954 But... there's no way. 251 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:55,355 (Man) Well, you've got to call London before we go over, mate. 252 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,954 - The person you are calling is unable... - That's good. 253 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,554 The man in charge of making sure I'm safe... 254 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,712 ... record your message... 255 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,439 - (Bleep) - All right, Richard, it's Karl. 256 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,557 About to go over the border. If you don't hear from us in four hours, 257 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,596 it's all gone tits up. 258 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,275 I mean, that's Richard. That sums him up. He's always on the phone. 259 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,511 So of all the people to have as our emergency number, 260 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,830 you know, calling 999 and it's engaged. 261 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,558 Sums him up. 262 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,951 That checkpoint was a bit weird, weren't it? 263 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,669 I mean, I sort of felt guilty, even though I hadn't done anything. 264 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,230 I've got a Palestinian fella meeting me called Kase. 265 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,073 Yeah, but I think... I'm meeting someone. 266 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:39,752 - Are you Karl? - All right, yeah. 267 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:43,196 - Hi, I'm Kase. How are you? - Who I'm meeting. Got a lift already. 268 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,157 - How was it? - Depressing. 269 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,434 (Laughs) 270 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:50,069 Honestly, I didn't think it would have that effect on me, I'm not that sort of person. 271 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:53,550 You know, if you're passing here every day, it's not depressing. 272 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,108 If you're waking up every morning, 273 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,317 and seeing this ugly concrete stuff in front of your eyes, 274 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:00,628 then it's depressing. 275 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,790 - You're my guest. This is my car. - Safe. 276 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,108 - Huh? - Safe. 277 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,236 Yeah, course it's safe. I have insurance. 278 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,552 Pipes are shaped like that. 279 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,756 (# Plays whistle) 280 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,877 - Are these for us? - Yeah, it's a gift. From the Holy Land. 281 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,235 - Holy Land... - It makes holy music. 282 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,879 You won't think that when I'm playing it. 283 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,118 See, there's nothing like that at home. 284 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,350 There's nothing like that anywhere on earth. 285 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,910 (Karl) No. We have a congestion charge that caused a little bit of fuss. 286 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,992 If you drive into London, you have to pay £8. 287 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,310 Everybody was like, "This is an outrage!" 288 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,914 But it's nothing compared to this. Honestly... 289 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,675 This is costing the people more than £8, man. This is costing them their future. 290 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,072 Is it going to be busy in there? 291 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,277 Well, check it out. Did you close your door well? 292 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,669 Yeah. Is anyone going to nick it? 293 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,797 - I mean, it's a religious... holy... - Nah, lots of cops, so don't worry. 294 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,348 People who are into religion shouldn't be nicking cars. 295 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,034 - (# Plays flute) - So why are these a big deal, then? 296 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,556 - Why are we bringing these here? - Because the shepherds... 297 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,391 Watch your head, man. 298 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,436 Anything you need, you can ask us. 299 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,317 The flute says... 300 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,719 No, you can't. 301 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:18,110 The flute says that the shepherds came to the site of Birth carrying flutes. 302 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,919 - Whatever, you cannot use it inside. - OK, just carry it. 303 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,592 This is where Jesus was born. 304 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,910 - Right there? - Right there. 305 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,752 - (Knocks) - On this rock. 306 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,515 - Are you allowed to touch it? - You can touch it, you can kiss it... 307 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,955 I think that's all you can do with it. (Laughs) 308 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,393 How do they know that? 309 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,119 It's an oral tradition, saying this is the place. 310 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:46,113 But does Jesus want us to come here and see where was he born, 311 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,589 and touch the stones and go crying and blah blah blah? 312 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,636 I don't think so. 313 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,949 No. I think I'm with you on that. 314 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,835 - (# Flute) - (Karl) # Little donkey 315 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,876 (# Playing Little Donkey) 316 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:13,876 I'd say the only time I've had religion in my life was playing Little Donkey at school. 317 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,679 And my mate Wayne, he was Catholic, 318 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,910 and he said, "Oh, do you want to go and do this?" 319 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,228 and I was like, "Piss off." 320 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,675 And he said, "Right. You just swore. 321 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,518 "If you don't come with me to church, 322 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,716 "Ill tell your mam that you told me to piss off." 323 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,438 So I had to go with him. 324 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:34,275 And in the end, I got chucked out for bouncing a tennis ball, sort of in the church. 325 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:37,591 That's been about it. But I think I got more of a feeling from that wall 326 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,875 than I did from where Jesus was born. 327 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,748 Yet people are going in there, sort of like, "Oh... Ah..." 328 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:48,594 You wanna go over there. That's where you're gonna have a tear. It's depressing. 329 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,636 (# Playing Little Donkey) 330 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:08,071 Been here four days now and we're only just going to the Wonder. 331 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,029 But, erm... 332 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:16,159 I was looking in the guidebook, and we pass the Dead Sea this way. 333 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,879 It'll just be nice for me to have a bit of a restful day. 334 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,552 Ricky doesn't even need to know. 335 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,393 Looks quite good. I'm not a great swimmer. 336 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,074 The good thing with the Dead Sea is you just float about in it. 337 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,832 It's, like... Loads of salt in it. 338 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,117 It's another experience, innit? It's one of life's little wonders. 339 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,715 A proper wonder, a natural wonder, which is the sort I like, really. 340 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,629 It's not too busy, either. I thought it'd be a right tourist trap. 341 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:55,274 This is all right, this. Er, something that I read in the book, 342 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,716 this is the lowest place on the world. 343 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,998 I know we don't normally have sort of information on this programme and that, 344 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,072 like, not proper stuff, anyway, but that's a little bit. 345 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,914 It's the lowest... This is... You can't get lower than this. 346 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:16,511 I don't know why. I don't even know if it's true, but that's what I read. 347 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,075 So I might as well give it a go. Everybody else seems to be doing it. 348 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,994 Right. Whatever I'm doing, I've got to do it quick, cos that is so hot. 349 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,915 It's really uneven. 350 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,990 Fuckin' hell, you really do, you know? 351 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,553 Look at that! 352 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,431 I don't even have to, like, do anything. This is ace. 353 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,034 (Man) Karl, what's going on with your belly button, mate? 354 00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,076 What the fuck is that? 355 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,436 Is that a fag end? 356 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,668 Or was that... Was that someone's goz? 357 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:11,156 It looks like someone's gobbed in here. 358 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,956 Fuckin' hell, it is, as well. 359 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,756 - (Mobile phone) - Phone. 360 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,476 Come here. 361 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:32,673 Hello? 362 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,716 I'm just in the Dead Sea. 363 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,350 Yeah, just floating around with someone's goz. 364 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,510 - Urgh. - There's old people in here, 365 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,192 just clearing their throats and that. 366 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,838 I just had some in me belly button. 367 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,676 So that's what's floating above. Christ knows what's floating under me. 368 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,796 Maybe that's why I'm floating around. 369 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,111 - 90%... - (Laughter) 370 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,156 90% catarrh, or... 371 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,830 - It's nice, though. It's good, this. - Now... 372 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:15,355 I've been doing work! I've been doing work for four days! 373 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,590 This is an experience. It's good for the programme. 374 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,389 I'm explaining to people how it's loads of salt in it, 375 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,994 - you float about, it's good for your skin. - Yes. 376 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,076 Exactly. Exactly. 377 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,752 This is the truth. 378 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,150 There is. 379 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,231 (Bleeping) 380 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,869 He sounded a bit pissed off that I was having a rest, didn't he? 381 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,916 Hiya. Passport? 382 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,514 - Where are you going? - Where am I going? Petra. 383 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,397 - Petra? - Yeah. 384 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,357 Go? I can go? 385 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:17,559 Yeah, it's good to be in Jordan. 386 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,632 But we could have been here days ago, couldn't we? 387 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,632 Petra's only down the road. We could drive there. 388 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,836 But Ricky's come up with this idea that, you know, 389 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,037 I meet a local bloke called Mohammed who's got a camel. 390 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,395 You know, how long's that gonna take? 391 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:34,748 - My friend. - Hello. 392 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:36,796 We need to cross this road. 393 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,033 (Camel bellowing) 394 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:42,669 And how many hours? How many hours that way? 395 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,231 At least 48 hours. Two days, full days on the camels. 396 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,392 - (Camel grumbling) - Fuckin' hell. 397 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:54,155 - Oh, dear. - (Calling to camel) 398 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,795 (Wind whistling) 399 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:06,350 - (Karl) Would you like some music? - What kind of music do you have? 400 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,590 (Karl) It's just music. No singing. 401 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,638 When I'm a little bit stressed, it calms me. 402 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,631 (# Acker Bilk: Stranger On The Shore) 403 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,357 (Mohammed) Is a lady sing? 404 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,591 (Karl) There's no singing, it's just a man on a clarinet. 405 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,716 (Mohammed) Ah. (Karl) Nice, isn't it? 406 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,756 (Mohammed) Very nice. 407 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,076 Very nice! You teach me English song, I'll teach you Bedouin song. 408 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,116 (# Sings) 409 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,356 (# Karl mimics song) 410 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,355 (# Mohammed sings) 411 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,596 (# Karl sings) 412 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:57,476 - (Hisses) - How is it, my friend? 413 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,869 - Good, yeah. - How's your ass now? 414 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:02,030 Fuckin' hell! 415 00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:05,317 Look, you can see up here, it's going on for miles. 416 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,595 (Sighs) 417 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:11,389 Just doesn't make sense, does it? Why do people live in the middle of nowhere, 418 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,472 when you've got to travel that sort of distance to get to somewhere? 419 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:18,109 Cos he was saying, some people have to do that once a week to nip to the shops. 420 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,589 And they get a big order in, then carry it all the way back. 421 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,433 Move, then. Move closer to the shop, or open a shop. 422 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,390 What's it like where we're staying tonight? 423 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,755 (Mohammed) Maybe we find Bedouin tents. 424 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,957 Maybe we're alone in the desert. Sand dunes. 425 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,554 - (Karl) Sand dunes? - Sometimes, the Bedouins, they move. 426 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,517 - I don't know. - (Karl) You must have a plan. 427 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:40,991 (Mohammed) This is desert. We don't know what's the desert keep for us. We'll see. 428 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,036 (Camel bellowing) 429 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,556 This camel's knackered. 430 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,231 Keeps stopping every ten minutes. 431 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:59,312 - (Camel groaning) - (Mohammed talking, indistinct) 432 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,675 I could be a good camel. 433 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,069 It's just sort of moaning, innit? 434 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,116 (Imitates camel) 435 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,150 (Camel bellows) 436 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,470 (Karl) "Fucking sick of this..." 437 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,516 (Camel bellowing) 438 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,590 - We're going to carry it now by the car. - On the van. 439 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,477 Yeah. 440 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,920 - (Bellowing) - (Karl) That was weird, that. 441 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,912 It was like a breakdown, proper breakdown in the desert. 442 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:37,391 They turn up, stick it on the back. "No, it's knackered. It's gonna cost you." 443 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,198 But, to be honest, it's a bit of luck, that. 444 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,919 Cos I've had enough. I'm up to here with this. 445 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,351 Camels have been around for years. 446 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,637 The ships of the desert. That's what they're known as. 447 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,312 We've ended up with Titanic. 448 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:13,196 As long as there's not a major gale, I'm sure it'll be all right. 449 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,236 He's got 14 kids. 450 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,308 So, you know, me staying's hardly an issue, is it? 451 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,077 You see it, how the camel stand up? 452 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,196 (Karl) Yeah, he's happy now. 453 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,748 - You just strap the bag to its head? - Yeah. 454 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:30,796 Get in there! 455 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,672 Let's get this done. Get the day done. Get to bed. 456 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,836 (Groans) 457 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,276 (Karl) These are all his sons? (Mohammed) Yeah. All his sons. 458 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:44,749 - But I'm not allowed to see the mother? - No. 459 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,638 At all? Not even to say hello? Thanks for having us? 460 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,433 Forbidden. No way. 461 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,834 - That's why the... You see... - What about by accident? 462 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,070 That's why the house, it's covered. 463 00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:00,516 (Karl) Well, say if I go to the toilet, I knock... 464 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,797 "Doof doof doof doof." (High-pitched voice) "I'm in here!" 465 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,110 She comes out, I see her. 466 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,715 That's not her fault, that's my fault. So what happens then? 467 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,598 - This is by mistake, is no problem. - That's fine. OK. 468 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:20,115 Mr Mohammed said, erm... He said they don't get many guests here. 469 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,430 So... be polite. 470 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,396 There's a big pot of something in there 471 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,199 that looked like some sort of milk. 472 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,431 I've not seen any cows. I don't know what it's come from. 473 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,590 I'm not a fan of milk anyway. 474 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,593 It's not being rude, it's just I don't want to eat it. I don't want to get ill. 475 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,114 The... I'm surprised. They don't want me to get ill. 476 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:41,713 Cos we're all sharing that little toilet. 477 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,196 (Mobile phone) 478 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,235 I'm in the middle of nowhere, honest to God. 479 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,073 It's moonlike. 480 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,191 Eight hours on a camel. 481 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,151 Well, I tell you, it's not funny. 482 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,674 I mean, I reckon I've done some damage. 483 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:03,671 It was just long, and it was hot. 484 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:07,708 Yeah. 485 00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,109 That's what I'm saying. There's nothing to look at. 486 00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:14,432 It's not like it's worth doing so many hours. After half an hour, you've seen it. 487 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,350 It's not, though. 488 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,110 Hang on a minute. Something's just fucking run up my leg. 489 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,633 Can I call you tomorrow or summat? 490 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:48,119 (Static) 491 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:50,398 See you later. See you later. 492 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,357 What the fuck was that? 493 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,396 See you. 494 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,316 Fuckin' hell. 495 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:01,756 Can we just eat and go to bed? 496 00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,113 I don't like the look of this. 497 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:09,876 Don't put too much of that on... on my bit. 498 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:13,396 I can't, erm... I can't have too much of that. 499 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,596 - That's the tongue. - The what? 500 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,433 The tongue. Tongue of the goats. 501 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,078 - You have it. - No! 502 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:21,275 - Why? - Come on! 503 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,158 (Karl) Ooh! Thank you. (Mohammed) Eat more. 504 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,910 - It's meat. From the goat. - (Karl) What bit is it, though? 505 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,911 - That's not meat. - This is the eye. 506 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,672 - There, eat. - (Karl) I can't eat eye. 507 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,036 I'll tell you now. I've got a very bad gag reflex. 508 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:39,556 Now, if I eat that, and I start gagging, that doesn't look good either. 509 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:40,834 They'll think I'm rude. 510 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,076 This is a weird night out, innit? 511 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,908 What time do we normally go to sleep? 512 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:53,754 - (Speaking) - (Mohammed) Er, tonight, we have a guest. 513 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:55,512 - So what does that mean? - He means you. 514 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,068 And he could not go sleep early. 515 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,116 Oh, he can! He can, honestly! 516 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,555 (Laughing) I'm so tired! 517 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:04,631 (# Singing) 518 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,358 I'm shattered. I just want my bed. 519 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,908 But, you know. What can you do? 520 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,437 I'm with a family who doesn't understand me, I don't understand them, 521 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:22,272 they're cooking food I don't like. 522 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,874 Well, it's... it's been hard work today, hasn't it? 523 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,952 Are we actually going to get to Petra tomorrow or what? 524 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:41,674 I just want to see the Wonder today. Petra. That's what I'm here for. 525 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,957 I'm not in any mood for messing about. I didn't sleep that well last night. 526 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:48,271 I had a rough day yesterday, ten hours on the back of a camel in roasting heat. 527 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:52,148 I've just spoke to Mohammed, he said we're not even quarter of the way there yet. 528 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,550 Does he think I'm getting on a camel again? How are we going to get there? 529 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:59,474 We could have drove on this brilliantly yesterday, but we were on a camel instead. 530 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:00,959 We can now drive. 531 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,713 (Mohammed) We don't have a car, my friend. We have camels. 532 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:05,791 Yeah, but they broke down yesterday. 533 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:09,077 - Why can't we just get in that one? - No, we have to ride camel. 534 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,879 (Karl) We don't have to. I don't need to get on a camel again. 535 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:15,475 - But we are half the way down. - The programme's an hour long. 536 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,437 We've done eight hours of filming on a camel. 537 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,431 - OK. - You do the math. 538 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,796 We're going on a fucking camel again. I swear to God. 539 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:27,759 We've talked about this. I'm bored of arguing with you. 540 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,877 If you're not listening, I'm not listening. 541 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,791 - I'm not going on a camel again. - Come on! 542 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,518 - I'm not going on a camel again. - Why? 543 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,352 - I'm not going on a camel. - Why? 544 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,431 - I'm not going on a camel again. - We have... 545 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,476 - Not going on a camel. - We have one day more! 546 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,437 OK. We could go with this car. 547 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,152 So how long will it be by car? 548 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,357 (Mohammed sighs) 12 hours. 549 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,351 (Karl) I'm just sick of camels. 550 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,079 I mean, you've got to prefer this, haven't you? 551 00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,549 - So much nicer. - (Mohammed) Yeah? 552 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:02,394 (Karl) Yeah. I'll be in a good mood, then, when we see Petra, 553 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,835 and I'll go, "Oh, wow. Amazing." 554 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:12,718 So we're in now. This is the start of it? 555 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,314 (Mohammed) We are now in the beginning of the city of Petra. 556 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,392 OK, my friend. I have to leave you now. Nice to meet you, Karl. 557 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,516 - See you again, yeah? - See you again, again. 558 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,834 (Man) Please key in the commentary number. 559 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:33,596 One. Welcome to Petra. A city half as old as time. 560 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,949 The word Petra is Latin for "rock". 561 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,952 The city dates back to 300BC, 562 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:41,519 when it was known... 563 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:47,596 He just said that..."Welcome to Petra," he said Petra is Latin for, erm... 564 00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:51,673 I've forgot, now. This is the problem with this. There's too much to take in. 565 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,796 I didn't come here for a Latin lesson. 566 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:57,031 I just want to know where the Wonder is, and let's have a look at it. 567 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:06,352 Ten. El Khazneh. You are now face to face with one of the ancient world wonders, 568 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,908 and the most famous monument in Petra. 569 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,070 The word in Arabic means "treasury". 570 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,196 You may recognise the facade. 571 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,511 This is the site where the movie Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade, 572 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,670 among others, was filmed. 573 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:22,828 (Mobile phone) 574 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,876 Hang on a sec. Hang on. 575 00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:26,313 Hello? 576 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,438 All right. 577 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,796 I've, er... I'm just stood in front of the Wonder. 578 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,952 That was a waste of time last night, staying with the Bedouins. 579 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:39,749 He gave me lamb's eyes to eat. Er, I slept on a hard floor all night. 580 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,593 So I feel like shit. That's how I'm feeling. 581 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:46,309 I mean, it looks all right. I'm sure if I was in a better mood, I'd big it up. 582 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:50,598 I'm basically in the middle of a load of rock, and someone's carved it out. 583 00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:54,514 And it is amazing. But I don't know what more there is to say than that. 584 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,236 What for? 585 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,153 What's... What... 586 00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,196 What? 587 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,394 - But... - (Bleeping) 588 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,794 Steve. 589 00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:18,438 All right, it's Karl. Erm... 590 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:22,115 I've just spoke to Ricky. He said, "Oh, you're staying in a cave tonight." 591 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,270 Well, what... what's that about? 592 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,477 Cos I don't think he's taking this serious. 593 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,798 Yeah, but I didn't... I didn't... 594 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,914 No, but I didn't literally mean that's what I'd like. 595 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:55,115 (Bleeping) 596 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,033 I mean, this is a... an all-time low, I reckon. 597 00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:03,196 Of... my life. 598 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,955 (Man) You've barely mentioned the wonder. (Karl) Well, I'm not thinking about it, am I? 599 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,679 How can I stand there and go, "Oh, what a beautiful bit of work," 600 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:13,753 when in the back of my head, you're going, "Karl, you're living in a cave tonight"? 601 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,159 I can't focus on that. 602 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,395 (Sighs) Oh, God. 603 00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:22,712 Steve said I've got to find a fella called Ibrahim who's gonna let me stay in his cave. 604 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,360 - It's been a long day. - How are you? 605 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:28,275 How do you do? 606 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,351 - So what do you put down... - Huh? 607 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,237 What do you put down as an address? 608 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,595 - Jordan, Petra. That's all. - Just Jordan. 609 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,716 - That's never gonna get to you. - It will. 610 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:38,392 - The postman would know... - Yes. 611 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,630 - Yeah, they know. - And everything you order... 612 00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:42,278 - Yes. ...always gets to your house? 613 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,112 - (Both) Yeah. - The cave. 614 00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:47,556 (Karl) Hm. I can't believe that. Cos when I order stuff, and get it delivered, 615 00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:49,596 - sometimes it doesn't turn up. - No! 616 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:50,749 And I've got a postcode. 617 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:53,559 - That's amazed me more than the Wonder. - Yes. 618 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,791 That. That you can get post delivered. I can't believe that. 619 00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:57,915 Yes. 620 00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:01,071 (Karl) What facilities are in the cave? 621 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:04,948 (Ibrahim) We put a mattress, er, we make the fire, 622 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:06,951 and we sleep wherever. 623 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:10,237 Between the sky and the land. Not like, er, the city. 624 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,112 Ricky called, says, "You're staying in a cave." Starts laughing. 625 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,158 And I pictured the sort of caves you get in Wales, 626 00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:21,471 where it's all sharp... sharp edges, 627 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:26,680 really damp, and the sea comes in at some point in the night. 628 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:31,197 I get here, decent size, dead warm, dead cosy... 629 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:34,637 Nice touch with the candles. 630 00:37:34,720 --> 00:37:37,837 I tell you, I've seen houses that are worse than this. 631 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:42,674 I think I can... I can sort of fit into this way of life. 632 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,479 It is like a holiday every day. 633 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:50,509 Nice little holiday home, eating like this, having a drink. 634 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,909 Suits me down to the ground, this. 635 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,474 Ricky always says I'm a bit, like, you know, a caveman, and I haven't really evolved. 636 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:02,473 He says the shape of my head, and the way my eyebrows come out a bit... 637 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,757 Maybe that's it. Maybe, er, I was born a bit late. 638 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,078 Mm, it's nice. 639 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,071 See, we haven't all evolved, have we? 640 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,116 It's just a few of us. 641 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,351 I haven't got a clue half the time. I turn the tap on, still, and I go, 642 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,192 "How is water coming out of that?" 643 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:25,033 I'm lucky, cos I'm around and someone else has come up with it. 644 00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:30,797 But at the end of the day, if stuff was left down to me, I'd still be living in here. 645 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,678 If I was lucky, you know. I don't know if I could come up with this. 646 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:35,796 He just was saying how they used to do it. 647 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,269 He said they put a hole in the rock, 648 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,715 stick, like, a tree trunk in it, 649 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,832 put water in, and the wood expands... 650 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,593 Is that what he was saying? Makes it all bigger. 651 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:49,796 There's no way I could come up with that. 652 00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:51,598 I wouldn't come up with that now. 653 00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:54,319 And yet they did that three and a half thousand years ago. 654 00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:08,870 Slept all right once I got off, really. 655 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,356 Erm... 656 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:18,476 There's a cat mooching about now and again. Wandering in. 657 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,358 I suppose that's the problem when you haven't got a front door. 658 00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,788 That was a good night. Best night since I've been here. 659 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:27,711 - Yeah? - I'd do it again, you know? 660 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,998 Whilst I've been in this part of the world, there's not many things that have happened 661 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,672 that I'd say, "I'd do that again." 662 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,591 But that, I would. 663 00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:39,070 So, yeah, I loved it. Really, really smart. 664 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,589 I can imagine living at this time. 665 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,558 I can picture myself just coming out of a little hole, 666 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:52,315 just with a club, thinking, "What am I gonna do today?" 667 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,790 And it's easy to invent stuff back then, cos there was nothing else about. 668 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:58,269 So anything you needed, you'd come up with it. 669 00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:01,796 "I want to dry my hands, I've just washed my hands." Do a towel. 670 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:07,159 Everything. Anything you think of. "This soup's hard to eat. I want a spoon." 671 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:09,435 Do you know what I mean? You think of something now. 672 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:13,195 You try and come up with something now that you need now. 673 00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,714 I came up with a see-through toaster. 674 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,109 You always do that, you're thinking, "Is it done yet?" 675 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:22,193 And you keep pressing the spring, and you end up breaking it cos you've forced it open. 676 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,192 See-through toaster. Went online, typed it in, 677 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,032 it's already been invented. 678 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:30,192 Dragons' Den back then would have been a piece of piss. 679 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:34,034 Everybody who came in, "That's a bloody good idea. Get it made." 680 00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:41,030 30. El Deir, the monastery. 681 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:45,636 Sitting at the summit of Jebel El Deir is Petra's grandest monument of all. 682 00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:49,269 El Deir. The name is the Arabic word for "monastery". 683 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:53,831 Do take advantage of this moment and immerse yourself in the magnificence 684 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,275 and mysticism of this historic place. 685 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:00,749 Right. Yeah. 686 00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:06,677 (Sighs) I can't even go in it. That's ridiculous. 687 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:09,714 I mean, that's useless, innit? Who's put them there? 688 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,472 That's... I mean, look. 689 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:19,714 But my point is, you're sat in there, and that's your view, over there. 690 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,788 If you look here, point proven. 691 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:31,114 You're better off living in the hole, looking at the palace, 692 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:33,839 than living in the palace looking at the hole, aren't you? 693 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,552 So Ricky and Steve can say I'm a knob. 694 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:39,710 I think that's my point proven, innit? 695 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:46,189 But I wasn't just talking about buildings. I mean, in life. 696 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:49,431 Even being a good-looking person or an ugly one. 697 00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:54,275 In a way, you're better off being the ugly one, and you get to look at nice things. 698 00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:56,635 You're looking at the nicer-looking people. 699 00:41:56,720 --> 00:42:00,076 Doesn't matter about being ugly. How often do you look at yourself anyway? 700 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:03,152 Same thing. Be the ugly one. Look at the nice one. 701 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,910 What's that? Who owns that? Why's the dog so high up? 702 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,070 (Barking echoing) 703 00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:19,150 It's not gonna shut up, that dog, is it? 704 00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:22,118 - (Camel bellows) - Oh, fuck me! Jesus! 705 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,197 # La la la la 706 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:32,551 # La la la la 707 00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:36,792 # La la la la 708 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,431 # La la la la 709 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,677 # La la la la 710 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:47,639 # La la la la 711 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,072 # La la la la 712 00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,715 # La la la la #