1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,159 The Seven Wonders of the World. 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,879 Christ the Redeemer. 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,349 The Taj Mahal. 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:15,238 The Great Pyramids. 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:19,029 Truly man's greatest achievements. 6 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,350 But there's one man who sees them differently. 7 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,398 It's like a pylon to them, that. 8 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,713 Karl Pilkington. 9 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,312 I don't know the politically correct term. Moron, I think. 10 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:38,192 He is a round, empty-headed, chimp-like, Manc moron. Buffoon. Idiot. 11 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,235 Is that normal? 12 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,356 And he's a friend! 13 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,238 He's a typical Little Englander. He doesn't like going out of his comfort zone. 14 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,151 Bollocks are squashed. 15 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,789 I just think it'd be amazing to send him round the world. 16 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:55,750 What we'd like to see is him experience other cultures, other peoples, 17 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:59,833 and see if in any way we can change his outlook on the world. 18 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,390 I've been to many exotic places. I genuinely think travel broadens the mind. 19 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:08,235 I want him to hate it. I want him to hate every minute of it for my own amusement. 20 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:14,308 Nothing is funnier than Karl, in a corner, being poked by a stick. 21 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:18,234 I am that stick, and now I have the might of Sky behind me. 22 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,035 Shit! Shit! 23 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:25,591 This is one of the funniest, most expensive practical jokes I've ever done. 24 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,910 And it's going to be great. 25 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,879 Just let me go. Jesus Christ! 26 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:40,995 Right, Karl, we've arranged for you to go to Egypt. 27 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,759 To see the Great Pyramids. 28 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:48,709 I mean, that is a remarkable sight, truly one of the Seven Wonders of the World. 29 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:52,315 - What do you know about the pyramids? - Over 4,000 years old. 30 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:56,188 - 4,000 years old! - Are they the oldest thing on the world? 31 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,196 I told you! He needs an absolute. He needs an absolute. 32 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,157 Yeah, they're the oldest thing on the world. 33 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,078 That's pretty amazing, going to see the oldest thing on the world. 34 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:12,711 They're not the oldest thing on the world, are they? How do you think they built it? 35 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,633 Just took their time. Didn't have any distractions. 36 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:20,430 Now you see workmen, it's like, "You've got to get it done. We've got another job on." 37 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,035 Back then, they'd just go, "This is what we've got to do. Get it done, get it built. 38 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,839 "Go for that shape." And each day, they would've just... 39 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:30,879 What? The foreman went, "Go for that shape," and they went, "All right"? 40 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:35,158 - Yeah. - Right, go on, then. Enjoy the pyramids. 41 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,309 All right. 42 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,591 I think we've got to send him Economy. 43 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,717 I think we've got to put him up in shacks and awful hotels. 44 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,358 And that'll be funny. 45 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,280 The nice hotels seem to have gone now. 46 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,878 That's not good, is it? 47 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,155 This is grim round here. 48 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,549 When something looks grim in the dark, 49 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,712 you know it's not going to be better in the day, don't you? 50 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:20,309 We had here Michael Palin. Monty Python. 51 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,630 And has he been back since? 52 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,314 No, not... No. 53 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,798 Thank you. 54 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,916 - How long are we here? - (Man) What? 55 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,797 How long are we here for? 56 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,474 (Dog barks and car horns blare) 57 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:57,396 I don't know what... I mean, this is a bit of a... 58 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:01,632 It's a little bit... grim. Look at it. 59 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:08,958 - Did Rick and Steve know this was... - Well, they knew Michael Palin stayed here. 60 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,554 Yeah, I know, but it was 30 years ago. 61 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,076 A lot's changed. You know, I was still at school. 62 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,628 How many days am I here? 63 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,429 There's a... There's a piano right outside the room. 64 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:27,115 Well, when do they start playing that piano? Cos it's literally right there. 65 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,430 If they start having a sing-along, I'm... 66 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,272 Jesus Christ. 67 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,952 Sit on that. 68 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,554 Sit on that. Is there a mattress on it? 69 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,596 Sit... Honest to God, sit on that. 70 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,114 It is unbelievable. 71 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:49,315 - Oh, God. How am I going to sleep? - (Horns beeping) 72 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,556 It's a bit cosier now. 73 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:05,518 Ricky'll be happy. Ricky'll be over the moon with this when he sees this. 74 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,757 Cos he wanted to annoy me. 75 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:14,437 I don't know how this is teaching me anything about, you know, being Egyptian. 76 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,559 I mean, the fella who owns the place, his dad's 96. 77 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,952 There's no way you live to be 96 by living on a bed like that in a damp room like this... 78 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,077 - (Horns beeping) ...and having them at it all night, bibbing. 79 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,271 I'll leave it there. 80 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,870 I don't know what I'm meant to be doing, cos I haven't heard from Ricky and Steve yet, 81 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,633 so I'm just going to go out for a wander, 82 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,993 walk about, deal with some locals, you know. 83 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,036 And that's the plan, really. 84 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:57,949 Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. 85 00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,917 - No, thanks, mate. - Just to drink. 86 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,877 - A what? - All the drink is ten pound. 87 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:07,193 Coca-Cola, Sprite, water, tea, café, Nescafé, cappuccino, mango, lemon, orange, beer. 88 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,236 All drink, ten pounds. 89 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,636 Yeah, I'm all right at the moment, but I might pop in later on. 90 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,915 - My name is Sharif, OK? - Sharif. 91 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:20,869 - Welcome to Egypt. - Cheers, Sharif. I'll be there for a drink. 92 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,918 Cheers. No, it's all right, I've just had a word with Sharif. 93 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,150 He's going to look after me when I've... 94 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,470 Sharif? Sharif? No café, this eat. 95 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:33,634 That's eat? OK. So if I want a drink, see you, and see you for something to eat? 96 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,790 - Cheers. - Thank you, mate. Bye-bye! 97 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,440 - Hiya. That's good. Hiya. - Have a nice time. 98 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,956 - I will do. Thanks a lot. Cheers. - Come back here and no problem. 99 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:43,712 - If I want a drink... - My name Sharif. 100 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,598 - He's Sharif. - No, no, my name Omar Sharif. 101 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:50,514 - Omar Sharif? - Omar Sharif. Omar Sharif. Here. 102 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:51,999 I'll pop in if I'm hungry. 103 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,833 - Coca-Cola, café, Nescafé... - You what, mate? 104 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:59,436 ...café, Nescafé, cappuccino, cerveza, beer, mango, lemon, orange... 105 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,555 Er... 106 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:04,315 - I'm not hungry at the moment. All right? - (Men talking in Arabic, laughing) 107 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,356 I've... Honestly, it's all right. 108 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,032 - It's all right. Cheers, man. - What do you want? 109 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,553 - Say again? - What do you want? Drink? 110 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,598 I'm just walking through. If I get thirsty, I'll pop by. 111 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,636 Jesus! 112 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,869 Do you know what? I'm not that hungry at the moment. 113 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,032 - Yes? - Yeah, I was, back there. I've gone off food. 114 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,076 I'm OK at the moment, all right? 115 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,991 - Thanks a lot. Cheers. - You come back. 116 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,356 Jesus Christ. 117 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,758 I've already got some. 118 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:40,831 I don't smoke. 119 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,912 If I wanted a watch, I'd buy one off you. Don't need. 120 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,230 - It's for a woman? - Woman. No man. 121 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,834 My girlfriend's head is slightly bigger. 122 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,917 I don't need any glasses. 123 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,678 Jesus Christ. 124 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,793 If there's one thing that's done my head in since I've been here, it's all this. 125 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,236 You can't walk down here. Forget just using it as a cut through. 126 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,596 Cos it's not a short cut. It can't be, cos you get stopped every few seconds. 127 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,155 You all right? 128 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,676 So, I mean, I bet she left the house when she was ten. 129 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,673 I tell you, seriously, it takes you forever to get anything done here. 130 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,956 Morning. 131 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,596 I didn't sleep at all. 132 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,877 Erm... Well, I'm going to go over and see the pyramids today. 133 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,429 That's the plan. That's why I'm in Egypt, innit? 134 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,715 I wish I could have seen them sooner. 135 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,030 The sooner I see 'em, the sooner I can go home. 136 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,113 Steve's sorted out some local bloke who's got a camel. 137 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,668 He's going to take me over there on one of them. 138 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,755 When I was younger, I got on a horse, 139 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,149 and someone burnt the horse's arse with a fag end. 140 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:58,277 It bolted and I was on it, falling off the edge, 141 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,239 so I've always said I'd never go on any animal that's bigger than me. 142 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,915 So it's a little bit crazy, but it seems to be the way they get around here. 143 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,276 They're all using donkeys and camels. 144 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:13,114 So as long as nobody's near me with a fag end, I should be all right, really. 145 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,036 It's crazy here, though, innit? 146 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:20,159 It's the non-touristy bit, innit? This is what it's all about. 147 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,754 So er... Yeah, I'm meeting this fella. 148 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,752 I need to use his toilet straight away. 149 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,991 - Is that rude? - No, should be all right. 150 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,233 - Mahmoud. - Hi. 151 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,039 - How are you doing? Good to see you. - Fine. You, too. 152 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,190 - I'm Karl. - Welcome. 153 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,714 - All right. - Come in. 154 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,268 Do you mind if I use your toilet quickly? 155 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:47,239 It's just that I've drunk a lot of coffee this morning. I'm dying for a wee. 156 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,470 - That's my family here. - Hello. 157 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,551 - Who's that? - Cooking tea. 158 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,200 - Is that your girlfriend or? - She's my mother. 159 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,998 - Your mother? - Come on, man. 160 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,753 - She's not your mother. - She is. 161 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,432 Can I ask how old she is? 162 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,476 She is 38. 163 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,273 She is my mother. In our family, we are married when we are very young. 164 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,830 - How old are you? - I am 22 and I have a child. 165 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,592 (Quiet clucking) 166 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,513 Ah, I needed that. That's better. 167 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,112 That's me and my wife. 168 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,191 Is that it now for life? Are you settled now? 169 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,556 - You'll just stay with this woman? - I can have more if I want. 170 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,950 If I feel like I want one, I can take four woman. 171 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:39,311 - You're allowed four women? - Yes, four woman I can have if I want to. 172 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,870 I'm happy till now, but I don't know what's going to happen. 173 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:46,270 Pace yourself. I mean, you're only 22. 174 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,999 Spread it out a little bit, you know? 175 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:55,553 Do you know how Snow White had, like, a happy midget, miserable one... 176 00:10:55,640 --> 00:11:00,316 She had a mixture. Would you go for a totally different woman? 177 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,757 So that if you're in the mood for someone to be happy, you go, "Oh, I'll see her today." 178 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:08,037 Yes. Life is too short, man. 179 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,393 One, two, three. 180 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:14,358 - Hang on a minute. - Hold on tight on here. 181 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,428 Whoa! 182 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,193 Jesus! Bloody high up, this, innit? 183 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:25,120 - All right. - You just need to hold well. 184 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,475 I'm holding on. 185 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,236 All right? 186 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,353 - (Horns blare) - What's going on? 187 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,430 Fuckin' hell. 188 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:42,109 My bollocks... bollocks are squashed. 189 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,156 (Protracted farting) 190 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:51,999 - Is that you or the camel? - Huh? 191 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,593 - Is that you? - What? 192 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,592 - That sounded human. - That's the camel, man. 193 00:11:56,680 --> 00:12:01,196 Well, you know, bit of the rocking left and right makes things happen. 194 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,511 What you got to remember is, I'm getting the backdraught. 195 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,556 (Mahmoud chuckles) 196 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,396 (Karl) Oh... 197 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,396 (Karl) How you doing? 198 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,676 It's chronic, innit, today? 199 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,558 I can't even see the pyramids. 200 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,039 You come all this way and that's the view you get. 201 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:29,155 I mean, the idea is now that I stand here and I'm blown away. 202 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,435 That's what's meant to happen, innit? 203 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:35,911 I mean, I am getting blown away, but mainly by the wind. We've got a sandstorm on. 204 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:40,152 I've got sand in my eyes. I can't see anything anyway, even if it was a clear day. 205 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:44,518 It's a bit annoying. You know, I thought it would feel more special than this. 206 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,231 I keep getting messages from home. 207 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:56,916 Suzanne's moaning about the boiler again. That's starting to play up. 208 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,709 Normally that's my problem, but now I'm away I've made it her problem. 209 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,236 And then I'm also getting messages... I'll show you this one. 210 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,959 ...from Ricky. He keeps sending stuff because he knows it costs me money to receive 'em. 211 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,632 He's just sent one here. 212 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,875 Seventy pence. 213 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,952 Cos he knows that it's cost me about 70p for him to send that. 214 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,395 There's nothing else. He's not asking, "How are you?" You know. 215 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:23,075 "What are you up to? What have you seen? Are you enjoying it?" 70p. 216 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,515 That's all he said. 217 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,716 - (Man) So why are you wearing this? - It's comfy wear, innit? 218 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,997 This is like pyjamas, at the end of the day. 219 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,516 The problem is, I've been getting mozzie bites and stuff. 220 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:50,479 So I wanted something with longer sleeves on it to keep them away. 221 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:54,394 Er... And it's just comfy. Loads of room in it. 222 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,517 Normally, pyjamas sort of roll up your arms and your legs and that, 223 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,398 but this is... You know, it's all right, innit? 224 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,472 I mean, that's the good thing. If you lived here, you could just... 225 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:07,916 If you start work at nine, you could get out of bed about five to. 226 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,116 Keep it on. Straight off. 227 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:18,195 Steve sent me a text and said meet up with a lad called Ahmed. 228 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,316 He's going to show me round the place. 229 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,072 (Ahmed) Yalla, yalla, yalla! 230 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,673 - Good one. - All right. 231 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,195 Here you are, here's a gap. What do you reckon? 232 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,510 - Yeah? - Yalla. 233 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:33,634 - Good job. - Easy. 234 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,518 - Now you are Egyptian. - Brilliant. 235 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:45,356 Oh, wow. If you saw that at home, you'd presume it was a pet shop. 236 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,670 - What's a pet shop? - Animals that you buy... 237 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,399 No, no, no, that's for food. Only for food. 238 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,950 So when you look at that, do you go, "Mmm" rather than "Aw"? 239 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,429 Well, yeah, they eat them. 240 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,080 - What's this stuff? - Cotton. 241 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:09,912 - Feel? - Egyptian cotton. 242 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,236 - So what would people do with this? - For mattresses. 243 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,436 I could do with that, actually, at the hotel. 244 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,953 Right, we'll do a bit of practice about haggling. 245 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:24,430 You need to haggle, otherwise you will get ripped off. 246 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,432 Hang on. So I come in your shop, I'm browsing, I'm looking around. 247 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:31,069 This is the finest piece we have, and it's for one hundred. 248 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,355 - A hundred English. - Seems a bit expensive, that. 249 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:37,718 Now, you need to tell me... You need to tell me just to reduce it. You say ten. 250 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,514 So you want me to buy the water? I didn't come in here for that. 251 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,149 I came in here for an ashtray for a present. Do you sell ashtrays? 252 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,800 No. We'll try... 253 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,155 OK. 254 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,595 - Have you got an ashtray? - No, no, no, I... 255 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,910 I'll leave it, then. 256 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,639 Right, I'd sack you. If you had a shop, I would get rid of you. 257 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,792 If I owned the shop and you worked in there... That's rubbish. 258 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,592 Hey, my friend! How can I take your money? 259 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,636 I'm all right, thanks. 260 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,917 Sir! Give me one thousand dollars, sir, please! (Laughs) 261 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,150 Welcome to Cairo. Welcome. 262 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,998 - You must be able to go lower than 160. - 160 is nothing. 263 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:21,152 - What about 90? - You want to get it for free? 264 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,390 - Never mind. - You are a very clever guy. 265 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,391 But I don't agree with your price! 266 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:29,632 - Egyptian wool. Egyptian. Is 120. - I thought you agreed 110? 267 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,199 No, he said 120 for you. 268 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,714 Do I get money off with the nose missing? 269 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:34,994 No. 270 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,272 Well, I've been out all day, seeing how the locals live, which is what it's all about. 271 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:50,796 Thought the day was coming to an end, thought I'd be able to relax a little bit, 272 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,757 and I've just got a message from Ricky and Steve 273 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,559 saying they've sorted out a place for me to have my tea tonight, 274 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,915 which is a bit of a worry. 275 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,996 I'll get you the special of the day. 276 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:07,232 - Typical Egyptian food. - Cheers. Thanks a lot. 277 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:12,593 That's a bit annoying. He's just cooking something for me. I don't know what it is. 278 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,677 I don't like hummus that much. Hummus, couscous. 279 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:24,958 Anything like that, I just don't have that sort of stuff. It's not a meal, it's a garnish. 280 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,349 (Bone snaps) 281 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:31,115 I would have loved just, er... chicken and chips. 282 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,913 Just something not too challenging. 283 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:39,077 I just want a meal. I'm hungry. 284 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,233 I've never experimented that much with food. 285 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,788 I didn't have pasta till I was about 21, 22. 286 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,433 - Here. - All right. Brilliant. 287 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:59,754 I got a bit of a taste of that at the end, and I'm sure I knew what it was. 288 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,718 Let me just have a bit again. I'm sure I've had it before. 289 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,358 (Man) OK. 290 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,875 - It's rubbery. - Rubbery, chewy. 291 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,590 Quite beefy. 292 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,558 - Have a testicle. - That's a testicle? 293 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,996 Uh-huh. And the chewy one... 294 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,469 penis. 295 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,478 Normally on a Monday night, 296 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:29,394 I'd probably have a little bit of lamb that's left over from Sunday dinner. 297 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,869 And yet, you know, this Monday night, 298 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,877 cock and bollocks, couple of eyes, 299 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:39,350 er... bit of tongue, you know, for garnish. 300 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,795 I never thought I'd be saying that. 301 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,235 It's supposed to be good for you as a meal. 302 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,073 But why do you use everything to that degree? 303 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,915 We kind of eat everything. Nothing goes to waste. And besides, it's delicious. 304 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,834 - You said... - Yeah, I said... Well, I didn't say delicious. 305 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,673 You put words in my mouth, along with other things. 306 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,556 (Mobile rings) 307 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,676 Hello? Hello? 308 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:10,788 What? 309 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,552 (Laughter) 310 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,716 - It's er... - (Siren blares) 311 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,358 Can you hear that? 312 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,236 It's just car horns and that, constant. 313 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:25,276 (Ricky laughs) 314 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:31,994 - Oh, Godl - Anyway, the hotel's pretty depressing. 315 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,077 What, the little... little hat? 316 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,469 No, I wasn't planning on rushing out. 317 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:58,318 Yeah, but I told you, when in Rome I'm happy to go along with it. I'll eat pasta. 318 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,834 (Laughs) 319 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,480 But when in Egypt... 320 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:08,235 They don't say, do they? When in Egypt, have a bollock for lunch. 321 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,273 See you later. Yep. Bye. 322 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:28,396 When Michael Palin goes working round the world, 323 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,835 is this what it's like for him? 324 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,480 Has he got racket going on like that outside? 325 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,028 Has he got mates calling him up, annoying him? 326 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,079 I mean, when Palin went round the world in 80 days, 327 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,310 I wonder if that was a scheduled time 328 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,198 or if he just said, "I'm sick of this, can we speed it up?" 329 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,356 Is that better? I don't know. 330 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,710 (Call to prayer) 331 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:11,191 I'd be quite happy going home now. Honestly. You know, I've been here a few days. 332 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,909 All right, I haven't seen the pyramids yet, but I bet most of the locals haven't. 333 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,549 That's what happens when you live somewhere. You don't bother seeing touristy stuff. 334 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,631 I haven't even seen Buckingham Palace yet. 335 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,388 But the weather's bad, innit, so what am I meant to do? 336 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:28,314 D'you know what I mean? So I'm just killing time, really, till it clears up. 337 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:32,029 Steve sorted it out with Ahmed to show me round a museum, 338 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,759 which apparently is world-famous. 339 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,673 That's what Steve said. I was like, "What do you mean, world-famous?" 340 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,274 He said, "It's a world-famous museum." I said, "I haven't heard of it." 341 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:43,432 He said, "What do you mean?" I said, "I haven't heard of it." 342 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,159 So, Karl, I would like you to join me on a journey through time. 343 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:51,189 From the moment we walk in, a long history of splendour and mystery will be unfolding. 344 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,919 I will breathe life into history. 345 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,912 So, I'm not looking forward to going round it, to be honest. 346 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,116 I don't go to museums at home. 347 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,794 So I don't see what difference it makes, just cos it's in Egypt. 348 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:05,839 So you have, clockwise, from pre-dynastic to early dynastic, 349 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,717 old kingdom, middle kingdom, new kingdom. 350 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,155 So look here, the pharaoh is harpooning. 351 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,595 A nine-years-old boy king. 352 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:17,037 You cannot see the hippo he is harpooning. Why not? See, this is the magic. 353 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,873 Because with magic, that hippo will come into life. 354 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,475 So, again, a coffin within a coffin, a sarcophagus within a sarcophagus. 355 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,312 You can see the cartouche. 356 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,516 The cartouche has the name of the pharaoh, the boy king. 357 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,592 At some point, he was bringing back a pygmy. 358 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:36,918 Was it a portrait? Can you avoid portraying the pharaoh? This is very hard to reconcile. 359 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,228 Because the soul will be searching. 360 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:42,598 The ka wants to find the pharaoh, the boy king Tutankhamun. 361 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,796 Yes, you do have the cartouche with the boy king, 362 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,313 but it helps even more... 363 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,868 Coming in here with Ahmed, he's like a kid in a sweet shop. 364 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:52,270 He's just... Show you this, show you that. 365 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,271 It's mental, and you can't take it all in. 366 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:58,478 It's like going Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve in a department store. 367 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,199 There's too much going on, too much to look at, too many people. 368 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:05,068 You're being pushed along. It's a nightmare. 369 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:08,357 I want to call it a day here and get back to, I don't know, 370 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,476 eating fucking cock and bollocks again. 371 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,790 Seems more fun than this to me. 372 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,432 That just seems to me like a bit over-the-top. 373 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,592 A lot of gold, a bit sort of Peter Stringfellowish. 374 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:25,832 It's exactly the same as my Aunty Nora's house with ornaments. 375 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,993 She keeps buying one and then she has to buy a new shelf to put the ornaments up. 376 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,594 It's like, "I haven't got room, so I'll buy another shelf." 377 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:37,754 She fills that, and another, and that's what I'm saying about Ahmed saying they're expanding it. 378 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,877 They're saying they're expanding it so more people can get in, 379 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,394 but you know for a fact they'll go, "Oh, you've got more room, have you? 380 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,550 "Bring some more in. Get digging again." 381 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,191 Hey, there's a sign. 382 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,874 Can I get two pieces of chicken? Two. 383 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,557 What? It's a KFC for deaf people. 384 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,272 So what do I have to do? I don't understand. Do I just point? 385 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,350 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 386 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,310 One, yeah. One of them. 387 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:27,712 For one. 388 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,756 Original. 389 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,598 I don't quite know what's going on. 390 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,636 Are they all deaf? 391 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,036 Can you hear me? 392 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,516 Can you hear me? 393 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,478 Hello. 394 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,949 No. They're all... They're all deaf. 395 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,110 Thanks. Thanks a lot. Brilliant. 396 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,638 That was good. It's a good idea. 397 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:07,271 - What, to have a deaf KFC? - Well, yeah, cos... Why not? 398 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:11,592 I don't come in here for a chat. You're coming here for food. Fast food. 399 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,399 It'll be even faster, cos they're not chatting behind there. 400 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:18,553 A lot of the time in McDonald's, they're all gabbing by the milkshake counter. 401 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:24,033 But in here, it was quick. It's there in front of you. Point, bang, done, out. 402 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,156 It's amazing, innit? 403 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:33,189 I mean, with technology, most of it, you don't really use it, do you? It's kind of like a toy. 404 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,919 But seeing them use it, it sort of makes you realise 405 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:40,551 it's a good invention, video calling and picture messaging. 406 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,189 But when Ricky sends me a picture, it's that sort of thing. 407 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,158 So this is what I'm saying. 408 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,913 We don't sort of use it properly. 409 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,956 They've got a proper use. 410 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,917 Do you know what I mean? 411 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,989 I'd say that's the most annoying thing about being in this place, 412 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,594 just being hassled all the time, no matter where you are, 413 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,593 no matter what time of day it is, just constantly hassling you. 414 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,638 A deaf lad sort of tapped me on the back, gave me a bit of paper... 415 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,598 I couldn't read it, cos it was all in Arabic. 416 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,911 ... and pointed to say it's a charity thing. 417 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:37,990 And I went and gave him a hundred Egyptian pounds, so he got twelve quid off me. 418 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,275 He didn't even look that happy. 419 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,191 I'll be skint by the end of tonight. 420 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,395 I spent a load of time with some deaf people in KFC. They were nice. 421 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:52,109 I don't know if he was deaf. That's the thing with that one, innit? 422 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,590 It's not like all the other disabilities, where you can go, "Is he lying?" 423 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,878 You know, you can see if someone's got a leg missing or blind or something. 424 00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:01,916 But with him... 425 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,878 "Oh, that's terrible. There you go, have some money." 426 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,597 My mam's the same. I think that's who I get it off. 427 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:14,959 Me dad said she walked up to some fella who she thought was a Big Issue seller, 428 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,270 who was stood there with a magazine in his hands. 429 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:20,670 She walked up, she said, "You can keep the magazine," and gave him a quid. 430 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:25,356 Turns out it was just a fella stood outside Going Places, with a holiday brochure in his hand. 431 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,112 He kept it. 432 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:28,918 (Rings) 433 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,672 All right? 434 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,350 Yeah, all right, mate. How's it going? 435 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:43,436 Yeah, but I've seen that. I went to the Millennium Dome. It's all the same stuff. 436 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:49,555 Go on. 437 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,030 It's not my sort of night at all. 438 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,350 It's just not the sort of entertainment thing I do. 439 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,796 I mean, it's nice going down any river on a boat, but I'd do it in the day. 440 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,553 At night it's pointless. You can't see anything. 441 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:15,672 And it's that thing. It's like, you know you're there for a couple of hours. 442 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:17,716 There's no getting away from it. 443 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,439 So they could do anything, once you're on there. 444 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,389 They had some entertainment on, with someone whizzing round and round. 445 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,711 He starts off, he's got like a quilt round him, and he starts spinning. 446 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:39,356 And it was only when he'd been spinning for about three minutes that I thought... 447 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,398 "It's pretty difficult. He's just been spinning. He'll be getting dizzy in a bit." 448 00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,836 It went on for ages. It's not the sort of thing you have to watch whilst he's doing it. 449 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:54,356 You just glance over now and again. Oh, he's still going. Having a bit of turkey. 450 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,638 Bit of a waste of energy. 451 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:03,396 It would have been good if at the end he said, "And thanks to, you know, Terry. 452 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,869 "He's been whizzing round, and because of that... 453 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:09,316 "that energy he's created had the oven working. We've got more food." 454 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:13,279 Or just something to make it seem more impressive than it was. 455 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:19,511 But the colours and that were good, and he sort of kept the room quite cool. 456 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:25,391 It was quite hot in there, so you've got him wafting about, creating a draught. 457 00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,232 (Phone rings) 458 00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,276 (Speaks Arabic) 459 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,516 I didn't know what was going on with the comedian. 460 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:42,957 I mean, jokes, anyway, even if he spoke English, humour's different, innit, everywhere you go? 461 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,270 (Speaks Arabic) 462 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,634 It was a terrible night, do you know what I mean? I hated it. 463 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:52,951 It's not my sort of thing at all, that. 464 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,190 When I got up and was dancing, 465 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,158 cos I did it, just cos I thought, "Well, I'm here now," 466 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,276 and Ricky and Steve don't want me to do it. 467 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,033 They know I'd hate it, so I thought, "I might as well enjoy it." 468 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:04,348 So I got up and had a dance. 469 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:15,472 And she told me that I was the best dancer she'd ever seen. 470 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:19,030 Er... Not bad, is it? 471 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,151 The traffic's horrendous. 472 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:40,639 (Sighs) 473 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,235 Just... It's not just the traffic. It's just beeping. 474 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:49,358 But it just seems to be like people letting on to each other at four in the morning. 475 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,396 Like, go home. What are you doing? 476 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:57,037 So, erm... I reckon I've had about... 477 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,228 I reckon I've had about an hour's kip. 478 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,550 I mean, that song, Walk Like An Egyptian, 479 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,718 no one's walking. 480 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,395 Everyone seems to be in a car at all hours, just beeping. 481 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:16,232 (Beeping continues) 482 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:32,112 It's not enough, is it? it's not enough to say something's amazing just cos they're old. 483 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,635 Cos you can get an old person who's done nowt all their life. 484 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,712 You wouldn't go, "Amazing." You'd go, "Lazy bastard. They've done fuck-all." 485 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:42,315 So age shouldn't really make something special. 486 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,597 I'm not worrying about who built them, cos it's ages ago, really. 487 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:50,719 When I first bought my first house, I didn't go, "Who built it?" 488 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:54,429 I want to know, is it safe? Is it structurally sound? 489 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,875 Erm... Is it haunted? 490 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,636 Whoa! 491 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:08,435 What's the rush? It's been here for 4,000 years. What's he doing? 492 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,108 (Groans) Me arse! 493 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,998 This is mental. 494 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,070 Just a lot of er... 495 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:29,957 A lot of shit. 496 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,828 You don't normally see any of this, do you? You don't see that many buses there. 497 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,832 It looks like it's sat in the middle of a nice desert. 498 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,960 But it isn't, is it? It's just a building site. 499 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,349 I'm half tempted to ask for a hard hat. 500 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:48,513 I mean, it's not even bits of old pyramid, is it? You've got all sorts. 501 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,353 You've got bricks here from, like, council houses and that. 502 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:52,668 It's literally just, er... 503 00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:56,514 People have brought up shit and dumped it here. 504 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,557 It's like something out of Planet Of The Apes, innit? 505 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,278 Barren. 506 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:05,310 (Wind howls) 507 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,236 It's like a little tornado, innit? 508 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:16,876 Yeah, you don't see that in the brochure, do you? 509 00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:21,476 A shitty old nappy whizzing through the air. They tend to leave that out. 510 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,199 You see, I've always wanted to see a tornado. 511 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,555 That is on my wish list before I die. 512 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,552 Cos it's natural. It's a natural thing that I don't understand. 513 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:42,876 If that was like a little housing estate, 514 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:46,919 you'd go, "Yeah, any will do. Are they all the same size?" 515 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:51,676 The design actually is a bit odd, cos the square footage, the floor size, is massive. 516 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:56,111 But the upstairs bit is tiny. 517 00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:26,517 The Great Pyramid was built by Atlantian survivors, with extraterrestrial help. 518 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:30,195 And they built the pyramid with the help of sound, 519 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:34,068 because sound was used very much in Atlantis. 520 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:38,919 Andrew and Seija were just saying that they use the pyramids at night. 521 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,116 They just nip in there to do some meditation and what-have-you. 522 00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:43,156 So they said I can go with them, 523 00:34:43,240 --> 00:34:45,674 but I've got to learn to do some meditation first. 524 00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:47,671 So they've just given me some words to learn. 525 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,116 Er, once I've done that, they've said they'll take me in. 526 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,156 So that seems fair enough, don't it? 527 00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:58,109 - Anekh sheshen wibaynoo. - (Crockery clattering) 528 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,317 Are they washing up before we do this? 529 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:05,154 Leave the washing-up, Seija. It's spoiling the mood a bit. 530 00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:07,196 - Leave this? - Yeah. 531 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,680 Anekh sheshen wibaynoo. 532 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:15,038 - If you open that door, I just put those there. - This is madness. 533 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,395 Gandhi wouldn't have washed up before he starts... 534 00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:22,275 (Call to prayer) 535 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,397 Can't escape noise in here. 536 00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:29,837 (Karl) Anekh sheshen winay... wibaynoo. 537 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,913 - (Call to prayer) - How long's this going to go on now? 538 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:38,551 A couple of minutes. Two, three minutes. But it's five times a day. 539 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:43,634 - (Prayer call continues) - You might as well finish the washing-up. 540 00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:45,836 No rush with the washing-up, Andrew. 541 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:48,717 (Call to prayer continues) 542 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,793 I bet they don't show you round a property round here at certain times of the day, do they? 543 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:54,074 No, probably not. 544 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:58,711 When you're buying a place, "Come on, we got to get going." "Why?" "Just let's go." 545 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,836 - You buy it, this kicks off. - (Seija laughs) 546 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:04,353 Unbelievable. 547 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:11,272 That was all a bit weird, wasn't it? But I liked it, know what I mean? 548 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,430 I'm into that sort of weirdness. 549 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:18,514 Plus it means that I'm actually going to go inside a pyramid tomorrow. It's all worth it. 550 00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:27,353 (Draws breath) 551 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:32,275 Got another mozzie bite there. It's well itchy, that one. 552 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,920 I think it's that same mozzie. 553 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,468 It's in the room more than the cleaners are. 554 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,554 They haven't shown their faces still. 555 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:47,235 I don't think they're going to now. I can't see the point. 556 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:57,350 It's like a game of Jenga that's got out of hand, innit? 557 00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,400 Pretty high up, innit? 558 00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:22,837 I've, erm... I've took a little bit of it. 559 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,595 - A little bit of... A little bit of the pyramid. - Let's have a look. 560 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,636 Got a little piece. 561 00:37:30,240 --> 00:37:32,515 - I don't think you're meant to... - It was loose. 562 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:34,830 I didn't chip it off. It was loose anyway. 563 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,515 It's just, it's better than the tat that you buy, innit? 564 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:43,594 It's better than, you know, buying a little Egypt fella on the back of a camel. 565 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,033 One for you. 566 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:48,112 But it's weird how you're allowed to just wander about on 'em. 567 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:53,069 If this was at home, this would all be roped off. Wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it. 568 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:57,995 It's not treated like a wonder. It's just like a manmade mountain, innit? 569 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:03,755 (Low humming) 570 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,235 Well, I'm just with Andrew and Seija again. 571 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,959 They're going to teach me some more chanting before we go in. 572 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,996 (Nasal humming) 573 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:17,990 I don't know what's going on in her head but, you know, I like her. 574 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,277 I think she believes in all the energy thing that she's going on about. 575 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:24,238 I want to believe it. 576 00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:28,632 - (All) Aaaaah. - It'll be nice if something happens, 577 00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:32,156 or if I feel like a bit of a, "Ooh, what's that?" 578 00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:34,196 Let's see what happens. 579 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,596 (Chants sustained, resonant note) 580 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,913 (Seija joins in) 581 00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,076 It's times like this when I think, 582 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:09,073 I used to have a proper job, what am I doing? 583 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:24,674 This is it, then. I'm actually going inside a pyramid, which is good. 584 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:29,197 I didn't even know you could go in 'em. I just thought they were like a solid structure. 585 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:30,918 Just a load of blocks. 586 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,754 But you can get in 'em. So, pretty exciting, innit? 587 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:38,276 We are now in the centre of our planet, 588 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,749 an ancient power point. 589 00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,436 # Anekh 590 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,988 # Sheshen 591 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:49,755 # Wibaynoo # 592 00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,478 I wasn't happy about getting in there. 593 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:03,269 I'm not good in small spaces anyway, d'you know what I mean? 594 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,316 But I just was thinking, "Oh, I don't like this." 595 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,277 (Seija moaning) 596 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:10,193 - So there was a dead body in there? - (Man) Yeah. 597 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,236 I've got in somewhere with some... 598 00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:18,875 All them injections I had, it'll be all right, it'll cover me for that, won't it? 599 00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:20,916 (Andrew and Seija moaning) 600 00:40:21,720 --> 00:40:24,439 I mean, it was all right, you know? 601 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:29,310 Nothing happened, did it? I got a little bit of a twinge, but I just think that was cramp. 602 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:33,632 I don't know, she seems fed up, really, that I didn't get anything. 603 00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:37,793 But there's no point pretending, is there? That's sort of humouring her. 604 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:40,348 (Seija moaning) 605 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,396 I'll tell you what it reminded me of. 606 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,675 Me going to a wedding for Suzanne. 607 00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:47,876 She likes going to weddings, I hate going. 608 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:51,270 And it was like I went, I did it all for her, 609 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:54,955 but because I didn't enjoy it, I still get her moaning at the end of the night. 610 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:56,792 It was a bit like that. I did all that for her. 611 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:03,269 And it was pretty comfy. I mean, you know, compared to the Windsor. 612 00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:07,273 I tell you what, I could probably get me head down in there. 613 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:28,514 - It's not funny, is it? - What? 614 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,831 Well, I've been living next door to this. 615 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,709 - Did Ricky put me in that one on purpose? - Yeah. 616 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,076 Yeah. 617 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,873 This is the room Michael Palin was in. 618 00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:25,871 I don't know if... I mean, they say travel broadens the mind, but I don't know if it does. 619 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,713 It buggers it up. I'm knackered. 620 00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:32,992 # La la la la 621 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:37,312 # La la la la 622 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,917 # La la la la 623 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,231 # La la la la 624 00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:50,551 # La la la la 625 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:52,632 # La la la la 626 00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:54,792 # La la la la 627 00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:56,354 # La la la la #