1 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:07,153 The Seven Wonders of the World. 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,549 Christ the Redeemer. 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,359 The Taj Mahal. 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:13,953 The Great Pyramids. 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,915 Truly man's greatest achievements. 6 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,389 But there's one man who sees them differently. 7 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,358 If I built her that, she'd be going, "What's been going on?" 8 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,878 Karl Pilkington. 9 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,359 Close your mouth. 10 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,671 I don't know the politically correct term. Moron, I think. 11 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:39,392 He is a round, empty-headed, chimp-like, Manc moron buffoon idiot. 12 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,152 Is that normal? 13 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,595 And he's a friend! 14 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,831 He's a typical Little Englander. He doesn't like going out of his comfort zone. 15 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,638 Bollocks are squashed. 16 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:52,759 I just think that it'd be amazing to send him round the world. 17 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:59,513 What we'd like to see is him experience other cultures, other peoples, 18 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,593 and see if in any way we can change his outlook on the world. 19 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:07,150 I've been to many exotic places. I genuinely think travel broadens the mind. 20 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:11,995 I want him to hate it. I want him to hate every minute of it for my own amusement. 21 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,389 Right, the lights are changing. Lights! Lights! 22 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:19,190 (Ricky) Nothing is funnier than Karl, in a corner, being poked by a stick. 23 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:24,273 I am that stick, and now I have the might of Sky behind me. 24 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:26,992 Shit! 25 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,834 This is one of the funniest, most expensive practical jokes I've ever done. 26 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,592 And it's going to be great. 27 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,956 Just let me go home. Jesus Christ! 28 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:44,513 Karl, sending you to see Christ the Redeemer. 29 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:50,792 Magnificent religious symbol that towers down over Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. 30 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,395 What's your first thoughts of it? Look how big that statue is. 31 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:58,109 I just think of the people who live in Rio. 32 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:02,955 They've got that there. Every day when they leave the house, they see it. 33 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,271 "Oh, it's there again. Sick of seeing it." 34 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,717 Like a pylon to them, that. You'd get sick of it. 35 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,595 It's a good place to meet. You know, you can see it from everywhere. 36 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,956 I don't think it was built as a rendezvous point, to be fair. 37 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,508 I think it's to do with the spirituality of the country. 38 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,957 It's not just that that you'll be seeing. You'll be experiencing Brazil, a magnificent country. 39 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,077 - You know the Carnival's going to be on? - Gay, isn't it? 40 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:36,589 Do you feel like you have to be part of that to enjoy it? Or do you feel left out if... 41 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,513 - I'm stunned. - Well, he's so confused. 42 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:43,957 Because I don't think Rio Carnival is known specifically for its gay fans. 43 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:50,070 There are a lot of men with tans and little posing pouches. 44 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,152 If you want to see a guy in Speedos and nothing else, this is the place. 45 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,196 That's what I mean. I'm not really into that. 46 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:59,637 - Can we make sure we get him in a thong... - Will you at least get in the spirit? 47 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,557 I'm not doing anything I wouldn't normally do on holiday. 48 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:06,837 Whoa whoa whoa! When you're on the beach you're in trunks, aren't you? 49 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,070 No, I don't. I just wear shorts. 50 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:13,597 So, how short? What's the shortest shorts you'd be willing to wear? 51 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,476 - Would you wear hot pants? - There's no need for that. There's no need. 52 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:22,394 No need to wear trunks like that. No, I'm not doing anything for the cameras. 53 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,755 - Red braces? - I'm just going to go and look at this. 54 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,071 That's all I'm doing. I don't need to go to the gay parade. 55 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,037 (Both) It's not a gay parade. 56 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,031 - Hmm. - (Ricky) Right, enjoy it. 57 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,833 This is the hottest I've ever experienced, this. 58 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,840 Absolutely... I don't know if you can see that. 59 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,876 Wringing! 60 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,715 Is that the Jesus thing up there, Krish, just to your right, on that hill? 61 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:08,510 - Yeah, that's the Jesus thing. - It's not as big as I thought it would be. 62 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,149 What do you think of this? This is Copacabana Beach. 63 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:16,950 It's all right, innit? I mean, I didn't come for that. I'm meant to be looking at the Jesus thing. 64 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:23,479 But this makes the Jesus thing better, don't it? You know, that's like a nice little added extra. 65 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,996 You're on the beach, have a look up, there it is, that thing that's in the films. 66 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,310 Oh, aye. Going swimming again. 67 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,516 Whoo, still hot though, innit? 68 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:37,392 I mean, is it normal to have sweaty ears? I've never had a sweaty ear in my life. 69 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:40,631 They're not even doing anything and they're hot. 70 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:50,189 I've just got to get to the place that Ricky and Steve have sorted out for me to stay at. 71 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:54,876 I don't know anything about it, other than they said it was a good place to meet people. 72 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,552 I don't know what that means. 73 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:00,997 - All right? - Hi. Welcome to Pirates of Ipanema. 74 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:02,752 - So this is your gaff, is it? - Yeah. 75 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,990 Let's go, man. 76 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:10,598 This is the kitchen. When you cook anything, you try to keep clean, OK? 77 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,877 - Don't tell me that. Tell the last fella who... - Yeah! 78 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:18,636 This normally, it's a place for a pool table. 79 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,109 But in Carnival, man, stay crazy, 80 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,112 we've got a hundred persons inside of the house. 81 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,156 The people sleep on their mattress. 82 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:29,152 - A hundred people in there? - Yeah, people sleep there, man. 83 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,674 Pay more cheaper, but sleep there. Because it's crazy. 84 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,591 And this is your dorm. 85 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,797 You stay here, close of the window. 86 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:44,314 How much is it here? How much is it normally to stay here for a night? 87 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,756 - £4 point 5. - Have you got anything for about six quid? 88 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,319 - What? - A little bit better. 89 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,392 Anything for just a little bit dearer. Just a little bit. 90 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,040 Round six or seven pounds? 91 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,031 No, man, no. We don't have. 92 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,076 All right. 93 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:07,720 There's roughing it, then there's roughing it. This isn't roughing it. This is scruffy bastards. 94 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,516 All right. Just, er... 95 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,796 Four quid. I think it's overpriced. 96 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,631 Oh, you are having a laugh. 97 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,676 (Urinates) 98 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:31,996 (Sighs) 99 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:36,153 Well, Ricky and Steve thought you needed to socialise with other people. 100 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,231 - So that's why they put you... - I don't do that. 101 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,754 I'm just not that sort of person. 102 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:43,673 You know. I've got enough friends. 103 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:47,070 I've always said you only need seven mates to get you through life. 104 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:51,438 I've mentioned Snow White with the midgets. She had 'em all covered in seven. 105 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,078 Same thing again with friends. 106 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,190 I've just found out that the Rio Carnival's on, 107 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,317 which is a big dance thing that they do in Brazil every year. 108 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:03,188 Ricky and Steve were probably aware of this. That's why they've sent me this time of year, 109 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:07,034 cos they know I don't like crowds, I don't like parties. So to them, this is hilarious. 110 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,951 - Hickey. - How are you, Karl? 111 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,794 They've sorted out a local fella called The Hickey, who's going to teach me the samba. 112 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,519 He's going to pick me up on his motorbike. 113 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,796 Fuckin' hell. I came to dance. 114 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:34,754 Jesus! 115 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,074 Bloody hell. 116 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,356 I'd rather just walk, to be honest, than this. 117 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:58,396 We are preparing you for this big parade, OK? So first of all, we should... 118 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,710 Whoa, hang on, what do you mean? 119 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:06,079 We are going to parade with this big school of samba. 120 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,594 What, I'm going to be doing it in front of... 121 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,513 Thousands of people, camera and everything else. 122 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:15,878 It's going to be quite a performance. 123 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,916 Like that! 124 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,913 - OK, you there, here. - Do it again, do it again, do it again. 125 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,876 Cha cha cha! 126 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,352 Front, back, cha cha... 127 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,874 - Cha! - Cha. 128 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,639 No, no, no, no. 129 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,918 Is there no area where you've got people who aren't very good, 130 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,754 but you let 'em take part because they're a bit simple or something? 131 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,435 - Just put me with them. - No, I am pushing you to the higher level. 132 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:57,230 That's what you're going to wear and this is your headdress. 133 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,072 You're just gonna look lovely in this. 134 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,318 Just perfect. 135 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,079 - Is everyone going to be wearing this? - Everyone. 136 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,799 I'm not ready for this, am I? 137 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,757 This is like their World Cup final, innit? 138 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:16,311 And you wouldn't say, "Karl likes a game of footie. Stick him in goal." 139 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,391 They shouldn't have me anywhere near it. 140 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,792 - What do you think? - Andy Pandy on crack. 141 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,637 I'm in Rio, right? I'm meant to be seeing Christ the Redeemer. 142 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:43,315 So what am I doing dressed up like a clown, taking part in a carnival? 143 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,437 I mean, what am I meant to get out of this? 144 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,398 Look at this. It's not a good sign, is it? 145 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,948 I've got shit on it and the thing's coming off. 146 00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:01,995 I'm sure one day I'll look back at this and go, "I was in the carnival." 147 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,036 But it's just not happening now. 148 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:08,591 I'm sort of thinking, "I'm in the carnival now. What am I doing here?" 149 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,798 (PA system: Samba vocalist) 150 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,118 I mean, when Hickey said we were going to a sambadrome, 151 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:26,159 I pictured something... just something better than this, really. 152 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,277 I mean, what is this? We're in the middle of nowhere. 153 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:33,558 It's like a trading estate, with a bit of kitchen lino on the road for people to dance down, 154 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:35,232 people sat either side on the chairs. 155 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,709 I mean, it's nothing special, is it? 156 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:43,238 Our float starts, I think, three or four floats that way. 157 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,709 So really, I couldn't be any further back. 158 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:49,918 I mean, it's almost like being at the back of the London marathon. 159 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,879 By the time I go over the end line, people are at home in bed. 160 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:57,430 I might as well be dressed up as a rhino in a fun run. I feel like that. 161 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,159 I mean, I'm next to a couple of old women now. 162 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,595 You know, I can't ask for more, really. 163 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:05,877 I'm right at the back, and with some 70-year-olds. 164 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:10,158 If I can't look good in this, I shouldn't be here. 165 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,515 Oh, I'm knackered, man. I'm knackered. 166 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,796 I've done me feet in. 167 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,636 Oh, look at that blister. 168 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:54,998 Bloody hell. 169 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:04,116 I don't know if she's in the carnival or just earning a few quid at this time of night. 170 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:08,478 I mean, if I've got blisters on my feet, I dread to think what her arse is like. 171 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,596 Oh, fuckin' hell! 172 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:33,238 - (Man) Are you going to go for a wash? - No, forget it. Not worth it, is it? 173 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:37,233 You've seen the mattress. Not worth it. 174 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,274 You've seen the toilets. 175 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,592 It's the equivalent of having one of those Romanians at traffic lights cleaning your screen. 176 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:49,229 They don't do a good job, cos they can't. They've got dirty water and a dirty sponge. 177 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:50,833 Same as in there. 178 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:55,311 But like I say, I reckon I'll sleep anywhere tonight. 179 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,635 (Party music booms) 180 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:14,515 - (Man) Don't you want to go down? - No, it's embarrassing, innit? 181 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,989 I could be some of their dads. 182 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:23,712 Be like your dad going to a party that you're having. 183 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,838 I mean, I'm hoping that they think I am old, at least when they come back up here later. 184 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,708 They might be quiet. "Don't wake him up, he's old." 185 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,712 (Raucous cheering) 186 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,870 I'd be happier in an old people's home. 187 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,196 Seriously. 188 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,589 (Music booms) 189 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:46,716 They'd all be in bed now. 190 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,748 - (Man) Did you sleep? - Did I bollocks! 191 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,558 How can you sleep in this? 192 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,871 I can't do this. Seriously, I can't do it. 193 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,151 I'm not letting Ricky and Steve do this. 194 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,515 Cos that isn't what it's about. 195 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:37,230 Cos I tell you what. They wouldn't do it. 196 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,276 Come in, mate. 197 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,909 Ricky and Steve wouldn't be doing it. You know what I mean? 198 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,231 There's no way Steve could hack it here. 199 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,756 He goes home to his mam and dad's when he's got a cold. 200 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,956 Did you know that? 201 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,996 Right mard-arse. 202 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:08,072 It's not the first time I've seen that since I've been here. 203 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,993 I don't even get the impression they're that religious here. 204 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:15,995 I suppose with a lot of religious people it's about covering up, innit? 205 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,230 And being quite... And not being sexy. 206 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,719 Whereas here, 207 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:23,759 you feel like you've been out with some of the women, you've seen that much of 'em. 208 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,831 There's nothing left to the imagination here. 209 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:30,948 I mean, look at him. No shame, just nipping out for a loaf. 210 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:34,476 When I go to bed, I'm wearing more than that, in case something happens in the night, 211 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,154 a fire alarm goes off and you've got to leave the house. 212 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,390 It's mad, though, cos I'm here in Brazil to see Christ the Redeemer, 213 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,677 the Wonder of the World, the reason why I'm meant to be here, 214 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,193 yet Ricky and Steve are saying, 215 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,635 "Don't worry about that, we've got some other plans for you. " 216 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,188 "Get down to the beach and meet this local fella. " 217 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,350 "His name's Celso. He's going to show you round. " 218 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,396 - It's you. - It is me, yeah. 219 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:57,674 - How are you? - Sosell? 220 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,911 - I'm Celso. Nice to meeting you. - How are you doing? 221 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,353 - I'm very well. - Sit down. 222 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:06,877 No, I don't want to sit down. I just want to give you something. 223 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:10,236 The first contact, we always have to wear it. 224 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,113 Condoms! 225 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:21,557 I've never had that as a gift on a first meeting before. Little bit forward. 226 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:23,753 Yeah... 227 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,391 - Sit down. - Tell me what's going on. 228 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,436 You will see in a minute. 229 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,436 Why is there no other men in here? 230 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,192 Why is there no other men? 231 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,877 There's a woman looking at me in a funny way. 232 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,635 They have women here, but they have a lot of men that come here, too. 233 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,553 You've known me now for a bit. 234 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,596 Will I be happy with this? 235 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,397 Wait. 236 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,032 Well, you know those guys that do surf? 237 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,237 They wax here. Would you like to try? 238 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,275 Not really. 239 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,874 Do I seem like the sort of bloke who has a wax? 240 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:09,238 - I'm like an ape. - You look nice to have a wax. It's gonna work. 241 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,914 - Yeah, but me girlfriend likes it. - Does she? 242 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,560 Yeah, she loves it. She loves the hairy bit. 243 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,318 - I can get out while you get undressed. - No, no. 244 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,913 Why don't you try, even only on your arms a little bit? 245 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,639 I feel much better without a hair. 246 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,517 Yeah... 247 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:41,032 That bit you're having done, I wouldn't mind getting that, cos I have to tuck it in me pants. 248 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:44,669 That's a sign it's a bit too long, innit, when you have to start tucking it in? 249 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:50,038 - Oh, Jesus, it's hot! - Relax. 250 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:54,238 - Relax, or you won't enjoy it. - Oh, Jesus, that's bad, that. 251 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:58,598 - That is bad. She did, she took a bit then. - No, just a little bit, just to see if it's ready. 252 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,352 (Moans) 253 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,908 Jesus! 254 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,959 - Is it bleeding? - There is two other parts. 255 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,998 - If I left it, would it look stupid? - It's not good. 256 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,469 - It seems like you have something here. - (Laughs) 257 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,994 She shouldn't be laughing, to be honest. 258 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,317 - Oh, you look so clean! - Yeah? 259 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,834 Yeah, you look nice. Really nice. 260 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,390 I suppose it's good for me to meet different kinds of people, innit? 261 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,756 There's no point having mates who are all the same. 262 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:35,392 Let's see some boom-boom, something for the beach. What do you think? 263 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,119 I... I don't think this is necessary. 264 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,715 Celso is different to my other mates. 265 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,438 He'd be like a new addition. 266 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,798 Would you like to see some of these, over there in front, to see which one fits on you? 267 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,509 No, honestly. I don't... I don't want a pair. 268 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,716 There's nowt wrong with these. 269 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,155 Do you know what I mean? That's all you need. 270 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,676 (Mobile ringtone) 271 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,512 Er... 272 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,669 I don't know if I'm seeing the real Brazil, to be honest. 273 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,117 No, I just mean in terms of, like, what I've been up to. 274 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,431 # Tall and thin and young and handsome 275 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,637 # The boy from Ipanema goes walking 276 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:31,748 # And when he passes, each one he passes goes "Ooh" # 277 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,149 Here I am. How do I look? 278 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,470 No, well, he bought me some. 279 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,835 No, it's not... It's madness. 280 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,079 I don't... I don't understand why you need that much of a tan. 281 00:19:56,160 --> 00:20:01,393 When I get home, I won't be saying, "Look at the colour of me," whipping me arse out. 282 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,436 - Just the face. - (Cackles) 283 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:22,515 - You're feeling hot, aren't you? - I'm not used to this. Me feet are killing me. 284 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,353 How about the thing that I bought you yesterday? 285 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,637 Don't you feel comfortable, now that it's so hot, to wear it? 286 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,076 Because I'm going to wear mine. I'm already raring. 287 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,038 No, they'd see me arse, and they'd be looking at it, 288 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,714 and going, "Oh, look at the state of him!" 289 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,394 - Nobody's going to look at you. - They are, they are. 290 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:47,150 I have to tell you a story about this part of the beach. 291 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:52,314 In the '70s, all the artists used to come here and smoke marijuana and do this kind of stuffs. 292 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:58,839 And then, since then, this part of the beach become very famous, and a gay beach, too. 293 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,592 I would like to sit down. I'm tired. 294 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:04,468 We've been walking miles. Just keep going for another couple of minutes. 295 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:08,394 - I'm so tired. I would like to sit down. - Come on. I mean, it's good, seeing this. 296 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:13,429 But let's keep walking. Bloody hell, only another two minutes and we'll be out of it. 297 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,715 - Come on. - We can, but I would like to sit down. 298 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:19,349 Don't worry about it. It's a beach like any other beach. 299 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,955 Yeah, but it's... Honestly, didn't I tell you about being closed in? 300 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,634 (Celso) I love this weather! 301 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,517 - I'm not enjoying it. - This wind! 302 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,797 - It's so delicious... No! There is a chair for us. - I'm not bothered. 303 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,395 - Honestly. - I need a chair. (Speaks Portuguese) 304 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:41,030 - Ah, delicious! - Massive beach. Let's sit here. 305 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:47,833 I'm sorry, but I have to take my shirt off because it's too hot. 306 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,998 Are you... Are you gay or... 307 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,356 - What do you think? - It's hard to tell. 308 00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,759 - Hmm? - It's hard to tell. 309 00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:01,876 (Yawns) 310 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,351 There's a friend of mine. 311 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,356 Nice to see you again. 312 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,194 - Are you going to put on a show for us today? - All right? How are you doing? 313 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,953 - I'm Marcello. - Marcello? I'm Karl. 314 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,678 Pleased to meet you. Hi, Karl. 315 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,035 - Welcome to Rio. - You're happy. 316 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,270 Look, you're frying over there! 317 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:25,478 No, I'm fine, cos I've got a few... I've got protection. 318 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,471 No, honestly... 319 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,711 ...it's like, please your ego. 320 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,519 You have novelty value. 321 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:38,833 You are so whitey, you get pinky. It's a lovely colour. 322 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,913 Like really, really lovely. Different from everyone else. People like the difference. 323 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,117 So why do you have to hide your beauty? 324 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,395 I keep it for me girlfriend. 325 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,712 - A girlfriend? What about the others? - What others? 326 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,349 What do you mean? The rest of humanity! 327 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,989 You just need to be looked at. This is what the beach is all about. 328 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,277 That's why I don't come here that much. I don't like being looked at. 329 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,476 I just thought, let's go for a quiet walk. 330 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,676 I'd love a quiet walk. Look at this! 331 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:19,352 I'm going to have some massage, and I would like you guys to join me. 332 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,715 No, I'll watch. I don't need one. 333 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,519 OK. OK. 334 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:25,874 Thank you. 335 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,474 I've seen people have a back rub. 336 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,516 Fuckin' hell! 337 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,388 He should have had his arse done yesterday, shouldn't he? 338 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,550 He had his back and his front done. Look at that. 339 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:48,678 You know, to think that earlier on I was asking whether he was gay or not. 340 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,149 I feel a bit daft now. 341 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,432 I don't want to moan. 342 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,431 I know I'm quite lucky to do what I'm doing. 343 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,915 But I thought the idea was that Ricky and Steve wanted me to broaden me mind, 344 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,638 that's what this is all about. 345 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:09,191 But being in that carnival, that didn't broaden my mind. That just knackered me legs up. 346 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:13,114 I'm here to see Christ the Redeemer. Why can't I just see that and go home? 347 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:17,830 But now they're calling up, saying, "Why don't you go and see a block party?" 348 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,878 They have a party for any occasion. It doesn't have to be your birthday. 349 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,872 It's a Wednesday. Let's have a get-together. 350 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,794 So, er... Yeah, that's what a block party is. 351 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,950 Just going along, hundreds of people. 352 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:33,555 I don't like being in crowds, but apparently they get quite busy. 353 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,316 The closest thing I've probably done to this block party 354 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,551 is when I was a kid and it was the Queen's jubilee. 355 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:49,952 And like, people turned up on a street, you brought your own food, 356 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:53,157 everyone had a good time and went home. I didn't enjoy that. 357 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,550 I remember me mam being annoyed that scruffy Sandra ate a load of trifle, 358 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:57,755 and she didn't bring anything. 359 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:07,636 It's basically a big queue with someone playing some music. 360 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:09,995 Except I don't know what I'm queuing for. 361 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,835 And I hate the silly wigs and stuff. 362 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,798 Maybe I'm miserable, maybe I'm the only one who isn't enjoying it, 363 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,589 but if I'm not enjoying it, I shouldn't be here. I know this isn't for me. 364 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,434 Me ears just haven't stopped since I've been here. 365 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,476 I get off the plane, they were sweating. 366 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,516 I've never had sweaty ears. 367 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:35,436 And since then, they've been overworked with constant, you know, drums, 368 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,078 singing, 369 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,991 whistles, 370 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:40,638 chanting, 371 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,153 dogs, 372 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,879 helicopters, gays. 373 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,554 Warm massage for your ego. 374 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:51,633 Gays wouldn't normally be on that list, but the one I met here, he just wouldn't shut up. 375 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,472 A great place to live... if you're deaf. 376 00:25:55,560 --> 00:26:00,031 That's what I'd say about Rio. Lovely and relaxing if you're deaf. 377 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,590 (Mobile rings) 378 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,717 Oh, I left that in the end. Did my head in. 379 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:17,708 Yeah, it was ridiculous. I mean, I'm not that fussy and that, but it was minging. 380 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:22,157 There was underpants on the end of my bed, and they weren't even mine. 381 00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:36,997 What's the point of this, seriously? 382 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,674 I wouldn't go that far. 383 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:50,957 Isn't that a gay term, that? 384 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,112 I've heard that's a gay term, B&B, for bum and bollocks. 385 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,432 I mean, I'll do it. I'm not that bothered. 386 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:02,149 I mean, I know his house is going to be nicer than where I am now. 387 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,276 What am I doing with him? Is it a night in? 388 00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,555 Can we just have a game of cards or? 389 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:16,355 So glad you decided to stay. How are you? Come in. 390 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,112 Here in Brazil, we have a tradition. 391 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,192 When a friend or someone come to your place, 392 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,033 this person have to sleep on your bed. 393 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,959 - This is tradition. - I've never heard of this tradition. 394 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:33,158 - But this is in Brazil. This is here in Brazil. - Sleeping on your bed? 395 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,232 - I don't want to do that. - But that's the tradition. 396 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:40,632 - Yeah, but I don't know about the traditions. - That's what I'm telling you. 397 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,359 That's the way to say that you're welcome to my place. 398 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,911 - This is a lot of kit you're keeping. - Yeah. 399 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,956 And that's where I sleep. 400 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:56,275 - So where are you going to go? - I have to work. I'll be back late tonight. 401 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:03,268 When Steve said go and stay, I did expect something different. 402 00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:06,511 I thought it'd be a bigger place. 403 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,108 I mean, I hate anything that's overcrowded. 404 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,111 I can't even think straight. 405 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,711 I mean, for me, popping that up there. 406 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,796 Pop it in the bin. It's just like, there's a hole there, shove it in. 407 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,475 That seems to be his thing in life. If there's a hole, pop something in it. 408 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:29,314 And it's nothing to do with anything, but this is mental. 409 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:33,032 I think it's a tradition you should do if you've got the room for it. 410 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,037 I don't even like this. I'm just having it cos I feel guilty. 411 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:40,476 I'm just doing all stuff to please the fella who I don't even know. 412 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,790 He doesn't even tell me what he does, and stuff. 413 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:46,796 - (Fan snaps closed) - What was that? 414 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,156 Here I am. How are you? 415 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,356 - May I sit down? - Sit down, yeah. 416 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,477 Excuse me. Ah, I'm ready to go to job. 417 00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:01,714 This is the last thing you should know about me. I'm a female impersonator. Close your mouth! 418 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:06,315 As a female impersonator, my name is Lorna Washington. 419 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:09,757 Why so surprised? 420 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,354 It's just weird. It's weird, er... 421 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,237 - The way I behave? - No, no. 422 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:18,598 No, just looking at you, hearing the voice coming out that I know. 423 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,831 But it's like you've had Worzel Gummidge... 424 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:26,436 Sort of changed the head. Changed the head. It's a little bit freaky. 425 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,273 OK. Be yourself comfortable. 426 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,875 Be at home, your home. I'm leaving. Have a nice night. 427 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,235 I'll see you when you get back. 428 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:47,111 Is it normal? This Brazilian tradition of making everyone feel welcome... 429 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:53,795 Does that still count when you say, "I want you to stay, but I'm going out"? 430 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,474 I don't see how that counts. 431 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,350 I think I was better out there. 432 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,635 Things like that freak me out. 433 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,793 I'd wake up on the night with that laughing at me, or something, like Chucky. 434 00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,314 I've been in the toilet. There's a couple of cockroaches. 435 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,517 I know we're in Brazil, they're everywhere. But I don't like them. 436 00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,958 I can't see 'em now. Don't worry about it. 437 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,190 So he's got two fridges. 438 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,999 I'm cooking, I'm cooking. I need garlic, where's the garlic? 439 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,595 Is it that one? That one? No, it's down here, with a cockroach next to it. 440 00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,035 Look at that down there. 441 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:37,877 I've heard that cockroaches are like the toughest thing that's on the planet. 442 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,555 They say if there's a nuclear bomb, they'll carry on living. 443 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:45,349 Yet in Celso's kitchen, dead. 444 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,238 It's a bit rude, innit, looking at his house whilst he's out? 445 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,675 But then again, he shouldn't be out, should he? 446 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,991 I said it all there. It's his house, and he's not here. 447 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,679 I don't think we should stay. 448 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,593 Please leave your message and we will return your call. 449 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,714 Hiya, Celso. It's Karl. 450 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:13,237 We haven't got your mobile phone number, so we've had to call your home number. 451 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:17,359 Erm... Even though we're still sat here. 452 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,591 But we're about to leave, cos it's too noisy. 453 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:22,636 I hope your Friday night was good. 454 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,950 Erm... Thanks for having us round. 455 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,670 Honestly, I don't know why he invited me round. 456 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:33,231 Cos it's a bit weird that he gets me round and then he goes out. 457 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,596 The only thing I can think of is, he lives in quite a rough neighbourhood, 458 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,434 and he's thinking, "Oh, I'll get Karl round. He can be a bit of security. " 459 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,829 That's all I can think of. 460 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:47,675 Ah, I just want to go to a quiet beach, really. 461 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:50,716 Get away from it all. 462 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:55,197 Cos it's, erm... It's wearing me out. 463 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,236 It's just been a full-on week, 464 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,629 what with the carnival and then the block party 465 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,996 and that late night at Celso's, do you know what I mean? 466 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:16,958 There's been nothing relaxing about it, has there? 467 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:22,717 It's not a holiday. I thought it was. That's why I took the job on, to be honest. 468 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,110 But, er... It's a good beach. 469 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:27,952 The sea's a bit active. I wouldn't get in that. 470 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,078 Yeah, other than that, it's nice enough. 471 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,432 I worry that if there's more people turning up, it's not that big. 472 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,351 I won't be here if it's crowded. 473 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,911 Oh, for fuck's sake! 474 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,072 Oh, fuckin' hell! 475 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,799 I can never enjoy anything, can I? 476 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:57,559 Is that the plan, to never let me just have a normal, nice day? 477 00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,915 You've always got to... 478 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,914 - (Man) What do you mean? - Well, it's obviously some nudist beach, innit? 479 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,075 I'm not do... 480 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:09,878 You know, I didn't put trunks on, did I? 481 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,679 I'm not going to walk around with me cock and bollocks out. 482 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,833 It's not even that hot yet. He's kept his T-shirt on. 483 00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:19,388 But his pants, bit hot down there, got to whip them off. 484 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,436 Look, bending over now, for a... 485 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,390 I've never seen anyone bend over so much as him. 486 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,470 Bloody hell. 487 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,675 - How you doing? - I'm all right, yeah. Not bad. 488 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:51,278 OK, but here in this beach you have to remove your clothes. Is a naturism beach. 489 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,078 If I want to stay, I have to take them off? 490 00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,549 - Yeah. - These are the rules? 491 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,551 Yeah, is the rules of this beach. 492 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:07,434 The one that's quite interesting is if a male beach goer gets a bit excited, 493 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,834 go into the sea, it says, until it calms down. 494 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,153 But that's embarrassing, cos everyone knows what's happening. 495 00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:18,789 If you suddenly just run into the sea and stand there, looking round. 496 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:24,750 I wonder if these two women here, it's their job to be on it, so it doesn't happen as much. 497 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:29,994 It's like a little... you know, a safety thing, to stop it happening. 498 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,355 I haven't seen one fella run in there and look worried. 499 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,396 (Mobile rings) 500 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:39,916 I've just been going down the beach. 501 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,951 Well, I haven't finished. It was a nudist beach. 502 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,238 - (Splutters and laughs) - Laugh. That's good, innit? 503 00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:52,709 You know. I didn't like it, I felt a bit uncomfortable there. 504 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:58,113 And old people's stuff, because they're doing that all the time, it was all like leather. 505 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,031 It's not about being nude and being free. 506 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:04,033 They just don't like wearing pants. That's the end of it. They're pant haters. 507 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,636 Yeah, I saw that at the carnival. There was an arse on show. 508 00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,596 Well... 509 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,236 Well... 510 00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:45,075 Yeah... It's not... I mean, Sky 1 normally put that sort of shite out. 511 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,116 I don't think it's, erm... 512 00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:51,916 So, you know... 513 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,592 I'm going up the mountain today, aren't I, to see the Christ the Redeemer? 514 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:08,593 Which is a bit weird, that they've stuck it so high up on a mountain, out of the way. 515 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:12,355 It's almost like the locals don't want people to see it. I mean, on a cloudy day you can't. 516 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:16,718 It's weird. So anyway, I'm just going to go up and have a look. 517 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,155 Steve's sorted out a woman to give me a lift. 518 00:36:19,240 --> 00:36:23,552 Erm... yeah. So I'm going to go and have a look at it, see if it's any good. 519 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,949 You know, I'm here to broaden the mind, I'll give it a go. 520 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,679 I'm not saying it's going to be rubbish before I've seen it. 521 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:34,551 I sort of think, from a distance, Jesus, top of a hill, looking like he's about to bungee jump, 522 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:38,315 you pass it, you go, "There he is. Great. What else are we doing?" 523 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:39,992 That's enough, really, for me. 524 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,118 - Karl? - Nice to see you. Karl, yeah. 525 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,156 - I'm Delores. - Delores? 526 00:36:47,240 --> 00:36:48,389 Yes. Come. 527 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:50,118 - Let's go. - Yeah, let's go. 528 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,192 - That's to the south. - All right. 529 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:56,670 - I am the driver. You look right... - Yeah, you keep looking there. 530 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,072 Whoops! 531 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:07,357 - I've just seen the back of Jesus's head. - My beautiful man! The big fella! 532 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:10,716 - How many stairs are there? - 220. 533 00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,360 - 220? - 220 steps, yeah. 534 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,590 There he is. 535 00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:20,909 - You're going to see it very well. - It's a bit crowded. 536 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:24,595 I will explain you very good. You are at the top of the world, man. 537 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,240 Come, come, come, because this is the view, you know. 538 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,276 Look, what a beautiful... 539 00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,317 - I'm in everyone's way. - No, look here. 540 00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:35,631 From here, with this light behind, it seems like magic. 541 00:37:35,720 --> 00:37:39,554 Look at the face, which is so delicate, so clean. 542 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:45,795 - The weight of the statue is 1,145 tons. - Bloody hell. 543 00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,314 And he's not there to punish anybody. 544 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,152 No, it's open arms, 545 00:37:50,240 --> 00:37:51,992 blessing the city. 546 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:57,195 Nice woman and everything, but it's that thing, innit? 547 00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:00,158 That she loves it so much, 548 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,394 that... I'm not going to change your mind, am I? 549 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,790 I'm not going to say... It's all right, but it's not that amazing, is it? 550 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:11,190 It's like telling someone their kid's ugly. It doesn't matter how ugly that kid is, 551 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:12,918 the mam and dad love it to bits. 552 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:18,757 And I didn't want to say, but when I was looking up, I thought, "The chin looks a bit big." 553 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,155 It's like that. 554 00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:26,472 All the rest of it is brilliant. The proportions, his arms and that, his body, but... 555 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:30,439 They just need to chip away a bit more, I reckon, at the chin. 556 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:33,034 It's a bit sort of Jimmy Hill-ish. 557 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,670 Say I get back home and someone says, "You've seen Christ the Redeemer?" 558 00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,797 I go, "Yeah," and they go, "What's it like?" 559 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,678 I'd probably just say, "It's like a big ornament." 560 00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:50,596 Do you know what I mean? It's like something me Auntie Nora would have, next to the telly. 561 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:54,912 But I'd say, "If you're going to come up here, it's not about that, it's about that lot." 562 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,991 It's about coming up here and seeing all the view. 563 00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,150 Knock that down, you'd still get a crowd up here. 564 00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:01,196 Just stick anything there. 565 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,475 Stick a café there and people would come up. 566 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:08,076 You can charge as much as you like, cos you're trapped, dying of thirst. 567 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,116 Charge four quid for a can of Coke. 568 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:17,991 The only mistake I made is I said, like, "He had a chin like Jimmy Hill." 569 00:39:19,720 --> 00:39:23,269 And after that, people told me it's not his chin, it's his beard. 570 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,749 But it doesn't look like a beard. 571 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:30,755 So they could have just done with chipping a bit more out, make it look a bit more hairy. 572 00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:35,238 Saying that, there's so many flying ants round there, 573 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,471 I imagine the workers going, "I've had enough, does that look like a beard?" 574 00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,552 "Yeah, it does, Bob. Let's go. I'm not hanging around here." 575 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,950 I've ruined it a bit. I don't know why there's so many flying ants up there. 576 00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:46,632 Ants shouldn't have wings. 577 00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:49,518 When you see 'em walking, they're all over the place. 578 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,672 They sort of go forwards and then come back, exactly the same path, 579 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,115 and shoot off over there and come back again. 580 00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:58,556 If they're not good at walking, they're going to be useless with wings. 581 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:04,151 I mean, if I don't like it, there's no point in me saying, "Oh, it's magnificent, that." 582 00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:08,279 Do you know what I mean? That's false, innit? And that's what I told Steve. 583 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:14,151 He was going, "You're an idiot. How can you not be blown away by the Wonder of the World?" 584 00:40:14,240 --> 00:40:16,913 And I said, "I think it was the crowd that did me head in. 585 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,309 "I didn't enjoy it cos of all the people." 586 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,073 So he sorted me out a helicopter to see it from above. 587 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,310 He said that'll blow me away. 588 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,949 - (Man) So, have you been in a helicopter? - No. No, I've never done it before. 589 00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:31,555 So it's just a little bit... you know, nervous. 590 00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,790 It's just you've got no chance, have you? 591 00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:38,271 If it goes wrong, it's not like a plane that glides. It just drops. It shouldn't be in the air. 592 00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,755 I should have left a message for Suzanne, really. 593 00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,673 - Do you want to say a quick word? - No, I'll leave it. 594 00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:49,874 She gets a load of money if it all goes wrong. 595 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:51,279 (Groans) 596 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,353 Oh, God! 597 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,551 Oh... 598 00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:13,550 There it is. The big Jesus. 599 00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,676 Just sneaking round the back of him. 600 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,388 Oooh! 601 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,479 Brilliant. Loved that. 602 00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:41,675 I've always thought people with money who buy one, you sort of go, "Absolute knobhead. 603 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:43,079 "What do you need one for?" 604 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,674 But it's definitely the best way to get about, that. 605 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,035 I mean, the landing's a little bit like, "Oh, God." 606 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:51,237 And I wasn't really enjoying seeing the Wonder at the time, 607 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:54,073 cos I'm thinking, "Am I going to land?" and all that. 608 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,435 But it's... it's brilliant. Best thing. 609 00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,795 I reckon I can go home now. 610 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:11,716 I just thought you meant, when you said about the helicopter, 611 00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:13,995 I've just said I enjoyed it, that's all. 612 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,719 Yeah, and the Jesus thing's all right, as well. 613 00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:25,357 # La la la la 614 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:27,631 # La la la la 615 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,911 # La la la la 616 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,152 # La la la la 617 00:42:38,720 --> 00:42:40,631 # La la la la 618 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:42,792 # La la la la 619 00:42:43,240 --> 00:42:44,878 # La la la la 620 00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,595 # La la la la #