1 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:04,953 What's this, in the Guardian? 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,315 - Guardian Guide, Pick Of The Day. - Oh, right. 3 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:10,915 Oh, Pick Of The Day. This... this will be a good review, then. 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,992 I can see that this ball-achingly dull series... 5 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,799 (Laughter) 6 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,714 Have you ever... has your balls ever ached from watching a programme? 7 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,475 Have you ever watched a programme and gone, "My balls are aching, I hate it, 8 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,630 "this is the dullest thing, oh, hang on"? 9 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:28,551 It doesn't... I don't know what that means. 10 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,518 His balls are aching cos the series is that dull. 11 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:37,516 lf... if TV that he doesn't like makes his balls ache, why doesn't he turn it off quicker? 12 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,194 - He must get a twinge and go, "Oh!" - (Laughing) 13 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:45,435 The Seven Wonders of the World. 14 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,509 Christ the Redeemer. 15 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,319 The Taj Mahal. 16 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,913 The Great Pyramids. 17 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,874 Truly man's greatest achievements. 18 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,428 But there's one man who sees them differently. 19 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,239 Most of the world is grim. 20 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,436 Karl Pilkington. 21 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,598 (Karl) It's hard to let people know how bad it is. 22 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,272 Oh, Jesus. 23 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,709 - (Alarm on) - (Karl) I was ill, fed up... 24 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,153 I want to go home. 25 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,276 ...tired, and didn't like where I was. 26 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,191 Karl, where you going? Karl? 27 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,794 I'm not staying in that room. What's it about? 28 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,472 (Grunting) 29 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,516 The stuff that these eyes have seen... 30 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,317 Oh, for fuck's sake. 31 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,790 There's loads of things that you go, "Why do you do that?" and they go, "It's tradition." 32 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,474 Why is this traditional Chinese massage? 33 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,357 Argh! 34 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,476 - (Explosions) - (Karl) My body's in proper shock. 35 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,120 I don't like having danger in my life. 36 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,633 (Shouting) 37 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,836 - Who are you giving all this shit? - Sky 1. 38 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,388 - That's who we're giving all this shit to. - TV! 39 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,948 If I had a bad heart, that could have done me in. 40 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,429 Shit! Shit! 41 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,353 I'm not doing any more, anyway. It's the end of it. 42 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:04,228 - All right! Yes! - Just let me go home! Jesus Christ! 43 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,789 Hello and welcome to episode eight of An Idiot Abroad, 44 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,997 - with me, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant... - Hello. 45 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,036 ...and the eponymous hero, 46 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,276 - Karl Pilkington. - All right? 47 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:23,670 - I suppose this is a... a roundup. - In a way. 48 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:28,038 We've watched the series. We've laughed. We've cried. We've got angry. 49 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,839 - I... I've got bored as well, if I'm honest. - (Laughs) 50 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:35,072 But welcome back, Karl, because, you know, it's quite an adventure. 51 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:44,313 You can see it for miles. It goes on for miles over the hills and everything. 52 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,152 But so does the M6. 53 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:53,236 It's almost like a... you know, like a diamond in a turd. 54 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,472 Yeah, you don't see that in the brochure, do you? 55 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:05,110 A shitty old nappy whizzing through the air. They tend to leave that out. 56 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:10,115 The stuff that these eyes have seen, they'll remember it. 57 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:15,513 Well, it's funny you should say about your eyes because I've been consulting your diary here. 58 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,238 "The only reason I'm finding it so hard to relax 59 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,118 "is that there always seems to be something going on, something to take in. 60 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,556 "I think I've blinked less since I've been here as I don't want to miss anything, 61 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,710 "so my eyes have been open longer than normal. 62 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,631 "Maybe that's why my eyes are so tired." 63 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:31,918 I was using my eyes more. When I'm here, sometimes, I... I don't know what they're doing. 64 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,230 (Laughs) 65 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,880 - Are you with me? - No. What do you mean? 66 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,190 Life here can be quite boring for your eyes. 67 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:44,035 Sometimes driving, I get to some place and I go, "How did I get here?" 68 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,475 And it's because you're not really looking where you're going. 69 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,118 While driving? 70 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,715 No, it's only the odd things in life that makes your eyes sort of go, "Ooh." 71 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,110 There's been a lot of things. Food. You've seen some pretty grotesque things. 72 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,555 Like that fella there who was your driver in China. 73 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,916 (Ricky) Oh, man, this is incredible. 74 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:04,072 Look at this lot. Thank you. 75 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,235 This is all right. What's he having over there? 76 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:16,872 God, Jesus. Does he know it's not all in one piece, that noodle? 77 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,793 Are we in a race? I didn't realise... 78 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,792 I mean, what... Why is he in a hurry? 79 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:27,749 I'm in his van. Should I be getting a move on? He's meant to be giving me a lift home. 80 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,353 The suction on that. 81 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:36,389 One minute it's there... It's like opening an airplane window. It just all sucks out. 82 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:39,153 (Slurps and mutters) 83 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,196 (Slurps) 84 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,910 That's it, he's eaten it. I've hardly touched this. 85 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,317 - What's he got now? - (Low chatter) 86 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,870 - What is that? - (Man) I think it's chicken's feet. 87 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,392 You don't pick a... a food by what sort of feet it's got. 88 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,233 Just... just have chicken if he wants chicken. 89 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,754 We're paying. He could have had anything he wanted. 90 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:07,196 He's spitting it out now. He's just spitting its nails out, by the looks of things. 91 00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,793 No, thanks, you're all right. 92 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,509 I wouldn't mind, but he's been munching like Mintoes in the van. 93 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:16,639 He's never offered me one. He gets the chicken feet, suddenly he's keen for me to have one. 94 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,757 He's just spitting stuff out. He's chewing on it. He's spitting on it. 95 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,195 I... I can't eat this. 96 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,033 Oh! See that then? 97 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,629 It's his van. He'll have to clean it up. 98 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,676 Oh! 99 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,079 You're not having pudding, are you? 100 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,789 See, I'm with you on that. There's... there's no reason to eat like that. 101 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,919 I don't think you'll ever hear of a Chinese man who starved to death, 102 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,353 because there's no reason to. 103 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,873 Street food out there, 104 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,714 I thought street food meant, you know, you have chefs on the street cooking food. 105 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,110 They don't mean that. It's street food. Whatever's crawling about, they grab and eat. 106 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,316 - Do they? - Yeah, honestly. 107 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,868 Are they dead? Are they toads? 108 00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:00,635 Honest to God, that market, I thought it was a myth, all that, before I went. 109 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,678 I thought they don't eat weird stuff like that cos there's no need. 110 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,513 There's loads of stuff in the world. You don't have to get to that level yet. 111 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,639 I think even in Lost, that programme, they didn't even get to insects and that, did they? 112 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,870 They were stuck on an island there with coconuts. 113 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:17,829 At no point do you see one going off to eat a squid or a lizard or a... a scorpion. 114 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,273 It never happened. 115 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,351 Yet there they just, "I'll have that." 116 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,193 Not a problem, just... just shoving them in her face. 117 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:27,670 I don't think they do I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! in China, 118 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:30,593 because they'd go, "What's the problem? This is lovely. You can eat buffet here." 119 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,989 Not a problem for them. 120 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,350 (Hawking and spitting) 121 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,754 That thing on the bus when they're all going... 122 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,718 - (Hawking and spitting) - (Ricky) it's disgusting. 123 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,153 It doesn't matter where you're from. 124 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,596 (Karl) I don't know what you have to do over there to offend someone. 125 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,148 Just farting, burping, spitting. 126 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,629 That driver, he farted three times one morning. 127 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:59,872 No one went, "Oh, you," had a laugh about it, "you dirty sod", nothing. Just carried on. 128 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:04,158 But that's the way they are. In a way, are they right? 129 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,550 Is that the way we should live? I don't know. 130 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,832 Noise has been a big thing on the whole trip. 131 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:16,471 Well, look, here you're complaining about all the noise in Brazil. 132 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,596 My ears just haven't stopped since we've been here. 133 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,195 They've been overworked with constant, you know, drums... 134 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,078 singing, 135 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,991 whistles, 136 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,638 chanting, 137 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,153 dogs, 138 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,834 helicopters, gays... 139 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,639 Warm massage for your ego. 140 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:40,430 Gays wouldn't normally be on that list but the one I met here just wouldn't shut up. 141 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,795 (Stephen) Now, I went to Brazil during carnival time. 142 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,997 I had a whale of a time. I really enjoyed myself. Great. 143 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,548 It's lively, it's vibrant, loads going on. 144 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,598 People are in good spirits. Colour, energy. 145 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,477 You, nothing but whingeing. 146 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:58,270 No, because I don't like, you know, the carnival and the block parties. It's all... 147 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,271 Parties, for me, I've never liked them anyway. 148 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,272 I've never really had them. I've never had a birthday party. 149 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,590 Um... I just... when I see them, 150 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,990 you know, like that advert for Iceland, Iceland supermarket. 151 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,992 You see Kerry Katona and Christopher Biggins have a vol-au-vent. 152 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,469 (Music and cheering) 153 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,952 I don't look at that and go, "That looks like a good night." 154 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,996 - No. - But you're meant to, aren't you? 155 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,479 It's meant to give you a good feeling. 156 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,835 Iceland. Look at the fun you can have with the food. 157 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,309 I don't know where that party would be happening. 158 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:31,393 But I don't look at it and go, "I'd love to be there." And it was the same in Brazil. 159 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,789 I don't like false fun. 160 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,632 - That's what it is. False fun. - Yeah. 161 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,598 I don't like it when people organise stuff. "Come round Thursday. 162 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,956 "Come round and have a drink and a chat." I don't know how I'll feel on Thursday. 163 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,793 But you'd never get anything done if you didn't have a bit of planning. 164 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:48,873 No, because you just, er... you go with it. It's good. 165 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,679 Because you could go up to somebody and go, 166 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,274 "Fancy coming round tonight? I've got some beers in. Have a chat." 167 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,318 - I wish you'd have said. I'm going to a party. - No, you're not. No, you're not. 168 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,516 - What... - Cos there isn't such a thing as planning. 169 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,388 - I'm walking down the street. I see you. - OK, yeah. 170 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,789 - Fancy coming round tonight? - No. 171 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:10,476 - Why not? - I need more notice than that, really. 172 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,630 - Why? - I left a chicken out. It goes off. 173 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,518 OK. I go along. All right, Steve? Are you coming out tonight? 174 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,160 - He's having chicken with me. - Oh. 175 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,276 - No, we hadn't arranged that. - Yeah. 176 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,635 - So, I've got something going on, Rick, sorry. - Sorry? 177 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,473 I can't eat a whole chicken. Do you want a chicken? 178 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:30,395 OK. And there you go, you see. So, my night is better than yours. I'm eating your chicken. 179 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,597 I'm having a free night out here because there was no planning going on 180 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,638 - and I'm getting a free night of chicken. - What? 181 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,679 Now, imagine if on the Wednesday before you went... 182 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,309 - What day is it now? What day was today? - Tuesday. 183 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,231 So, Tuesday, we're all walking down the street? 184 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,914 I always get emails from people going, "Are you coming out next week?" 185 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,231 - I don't know. I don't know. - You don't know? 186 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,675 I don't like it. 187 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,550 - Hello! I'm Mr Aashiq. - Aashiq. 188 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,029 - Nice to meet you, Carlitos. - How you doing? 189 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,918 - (Motor whirring) - All right, didn't wave back. 190 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:11,437 So, that's... they don't know what that means or they hate me already. I don't know. 191 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,795 He reminded me of Bill Oddie. 192 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,475 I'm just looking at him thinking, "I haven't seen The Goodies for ages." 193 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,950 (Speaks native language) 194 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,759 - What? - (Speaks native language) 195 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,193 What's that? 196 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,477 (Karl) And then the other Baba looked like Jim Morrison. 197 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,790 (Singing folk song) 198 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,957 - (Speaking native language) - Hang on, hang on. Hang on a minute. 199 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,958 (Chanting) 200 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,791 (Karl) I don't do socialising. I don't do that. 201 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:50,237 I've always said you only need seven mates to get you through life. That's it. 202 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,835 I've mentioned Snow White with the midgets. She had 'em all covered in seven. 203 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,831 Same thing again with friends. 204 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,674 You met a lot of interesting characters. Tell us about your favourites. 205 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,593 Who are the ones that stick in the mind? What about Celso in Brazil? 206 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:05,911 # Tall and tan and young and handsome 207 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,798 # The boy from Ipanema goes walking 208 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,589 # And when he passes, each one he passes goes 209 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,477 # Oh... 210 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,790 - (Karl) I thought he was all right, Celso. - How do I look? 211 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:18,996 (Karl) He's a different sort of mate. 212 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,755 (Ricky) What was your first thought when he walked out looking like that? 213 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,751 (Karl) Hm. 214 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,717 - (Bang) - Oh, Jesus! What was that? 215 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:32,875 It's just weird. It's like you've had Worzel Gummidge sort of changed the head. 216 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,520 Change the head. It's a little bit freaky. 217 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,238 (Stephen) Worzel Gummidge? 218 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:41,393 Why do you make no effort to try and speak to people in terms they might understand? 219 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,790 What's the chances of him from Brazil knowing who Worzel Gummidge is? 220 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,713 There's people watching this who won't remember who Worzel Gummidge is. 221 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:52,271 He just seemed very sort of well... well into the arts. 222 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:53,918 (Laughs) 223 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,911 (Karl) And it's his mates as well. 224 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,797 - Marcello. - Marcello. I'm Karl. 225 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,030 - Pleased to meet you. Hi, Karl. - How you doing? 226 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,475 - Welcome to Rio! - You're happy. 227 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,438 (Karl) I have never sort of met a gay man so gay. 228 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,593 It was just that voice, that sort of over-the-top... 229 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,831 Nice enough, but I can't see us getting on long term. 230 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:14,638 - No? - D'you know what? 231 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:18,395 It's a good job I wasn't born gay, because I don't know what I'd do. 232 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,438 - Why not? If you're gay, you'll be loving it. - I wouldn't. 233 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,829 - Yeah. - I don't think I'm suited to it. 234 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:27,629 - Why? - Just the lifestyle. I mean parties and stuff. 235 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:32,032 Because the lifestyle, the way they... they walk about over there, showing off, being quite... 236 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,076 OK, you... you wake up. 237 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,958 Gay. Tomorrow. 238 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,679 What's the first thing you do? Do you get a boyfriend? 239 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:43,275 - Or do you play the field? - I think you play the field. 240 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,316 Yeah? Are you gonna talk the same? 241 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,039 Yeah. Maybe in time, I suppose, things rub off. 242 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,190 If I'm knocking about with John Inmans of the world, 243 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:55,593 I'm probably gonna start maybe a little sort of... Give me something to say. 244 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:59,992 - Oh, hello, I haven't seen you for ages. - Right, so it'd be a bit different. 245 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,071 - Maybe the, "Oh, hello!" - Right, OK. 246 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,674 "I haven't seen you for ages." It'd be little things like that. 247 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,672 People would suddenly go, "Have you met Karl recently? He sounds different." 248 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:11,673 So, you go home. You go home. Your dad goes, "All right, son? How's it going? 249 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,671 "Have you been doing any DIY recently?" 250 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,593 Oh, hello, Dad. I haven't... haven't been here for a bit. 251 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,309 Mm. Oh, what you doing that for, Karl? How's Suzanne? 252 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,915 Er, I'm... I'm not with her any more. 253 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,195 (Both laugh) 254 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:30,671 This is pointless, because it's not the life I would choose. 255 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,593 OK, but you've woken up gay. 256 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:37,878 But I wouldn't believe it then. I'd just go, "I feel a bit happier today. I don't know why." 257 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,871 No, but then you start going, "Oh." 258 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,269 You'd go and buy a gay magazine. You're flicking through. 259 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:46,114 You're looking at more cock than you've ever seen before in your life and you're loving it. 260 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,317 You look down, summat's happened. What do you do next? 261 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,277 I just wouldn't look at that magazine again. 262 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,512 No, you're loving it. You'd go, "Oh, I can't believe I haven't seen this magazine before!" 263 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:57,874 I've seen knobs before. 264 00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,188 - Have you? - Yeah. 265 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,475 - Where? - You see knobs all the time. 266 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,790 - Where? - In gyms and that. 267 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:08,192 And don't say you don't look, cos you do when you're in a gym because it's there. 268 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,158 - What is? - If you don't look, that's more of a worry. 269 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,516 If you're not happy looking a knob in the face, there's something wrong. 270 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,238 (Laughing) 271 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:20,154 - You should be comfortable with it, just... - It's a good rule of thumb. 272 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:27,672 So, you have always been a big fan of what society would generally term "freaks". 273 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,150 You know, one of your favourite movies is The Elephant Man, 274 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:36,234 which is why we were very excited when we sent you to see the elephant Baba. 275 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,240 Oh, yeah, I can see him. Yeah, I can see him. 276 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,998 Shoes off. Money down there. 277 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,870 (Karl) It wasn't as shocking as I thought it would have been. 278 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:55,670 I think the weird thing is with elephant Baba is he's different from Elephant Man. 279 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,512 Cos with Elephant Man there was a build-up. 280 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,034 He's walking about with a sack on his head. What is under there? 281 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:04,557 I mean, the first thing I always used to worry about, where he got that hat from that fit him. 282 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,154 It's a normal cap he had on, Elephant Man. 283 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,231 Who was that made for? 284 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,959 But then he had the sack on top as well and a little hole in it. 285 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,679 I remember watching it as a kid thinking, "Can I see anything in the hole?" 286 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,116 And then he takes it off and it was like, "Oh, God, that's well weird." 287 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:22,113 Now, with elephant Baba, it wasn't as weird. Do you know The Elephant Man? 288 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:26,352 The weirdest bit of it is when he was walking about with that head but with a suit on. 289 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,396 (Ricky) Yeah. (Karl) It doesn't match. 290 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,232 - No. - But in India, because he's sat there... 291 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,552 If you said to a tailor, "Have you got anything to go with this?" they'd go, "Not really." 292 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:38,428 - Yeah, whereas with the fella in India... - It sort of goes with it. 293 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,876 ...it goes with it so it wasn't as shocking. - (Ricky) Sure. 294 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,078 Now, there's the one-arm Baba, who... fella who had his arm in the air for 12 years. 295 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,513 (Ricky) That's ridiculous. 296 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,955 From a distance, though, it looks friendly. It's like he's going like that. 297 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,110 Like, "Here's Karl and the camera crew." 298 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:57,354 I sit down. Erm... two fellas sat next to him, worshipping him. 299 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,317 - Really? - They loved him. Yeah. 300 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,039 I asked all the normal questions, "What you playing at?" 301 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,634 Ha-ha! Straight in, straight in with, "What you playing at?" 302 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,995 I asked all the normal questions, "What you playing at?" 303 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,435 I agree, though, I agree. What you playing at? 304 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:14,116 Apparently there's other Babas with like two arms, one arm, one foot in the air. 305 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,589 - Really? - It's mental. It's proper mental. 306 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,433 But are they standing up or are they laying down with one foot in the air? 307 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,832 Well, I suppose if you knock him over, that's it, isn't it? He's down for good. 308 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,873 (Karl) Oh, God. 309 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:32,511 Another fella with his knob and bollocks on a stick. What are you doing? 310 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,909 Karl, if you can't look a knob in the face... 311 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,673 (Karl) I was happy looking the knob in the face. It's what he was doing to it. 312 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,069 (Ricky) He was just showing you his trick, his party trick. 313 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,515 That probably would get him to the final of Britain's Got Talent. 314 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,397 Amanda Holden would be a huge fan of that. 315 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,471 - I, er... - Cock round a stick. 316 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,074 I mean I'll never forget it. 317 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,152 You can't with the names. The names go with them. It's like old-fashioned names. 318 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,074 They say if you're a baker, you'll be known as Mr Baker. That's how names caught on. 319 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,993 So, the fact he's called elephant Baba and one-armed Baba, 320 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,753 you don't go, "Who's that one again? I can't quite picture him." 321 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,718 I don't believe they are called elephant Baba and one-armed Baba. 322 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,028 They are called that. 323 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:09,590 I went around that camp and I was saying to people, "One-armed Baba knocking about?" 324 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,511 They were going, "Yeah, he's three tents down." 325 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,910 Everyone knew him. It was like a council estate, how you have nicknames. 326 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,797 John the Screw about? Where's Tattoo Stan? 327 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,952 - So, all the same thing, all these nicknames. - Yeah. 328 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,156 Now, if I said, "Where..." I don't know his real name. 329 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:26,074 But if he was called, I don't know, Neil or whatever, "Neil about?" 330 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:30,073 They'd be going, "Neil? Which one's Neil? What... what does he do in the camp?" 331 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:34,756 And you go, "He's got a head like an elephant." "Elephant Baba. Three... three down." 332 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,195 - So, it's convenient. - (Laughing) 333 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,718 - There's certain things I've learnt. - Tell us, what have you learnt? 334 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:48,635 I learnt that babies in China, a lot of 'em have square heads. 335 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,915 (Both laugh) 336 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,991 Right, go on. 337 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,469 - Why? - Is this... Can we look at this clip? 338 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,835 All right. 339 00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,751 He's a big lad. 340 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,389 - Has he got a square head? - Let's have a look. 341 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,040 - Let's see. - I can't tell. 342 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,678 Yeah. 343 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,115 (Ricky) But why do they have square heads? 344 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,397 (Karl) I asked some questions and the main answer... 345 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,910 seemed to be so they don't roll out the cot. 346 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,719 - (Laughs) - No, no way. 347 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,519 How do they make sure their baby gets a square head? 348 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:27,593 They somehow... they stick a book to the back of its head when it's born. 349 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,148 - When you're born, your head's soft, isn't it? - That's right, yeah. 350 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,800 Did your mum strap a dinner plate to your head when you were a kid? 351 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,110 Yeah, a ladle. 352 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,794 But I didn't get all the ins and outs, and this is what I'm saying. 353 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,158 That doesn't stop 'em rolling out of the cart. If you've got a square head, they can roll out. 354 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,674 Babies' heads. Remember your head is quite big as a baby. 355 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,718 - Right. - The body... the body's sort of like that. 356 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:51,315 And its head, it's trying to roll but it can't cos it's like that. 357 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,631 - And it's attractive, apparently... - Show me again. Do it again. 358 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:59,111 The baby's in the cot like that, and it would want to sort of... 359 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,270 - So try and roll... ...just go like that. 360 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:04,511 Yeah, so now do it with a square... How is it stopping it? I don't understand. 361 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,160 Because it's kind of going... You can't roll. 362 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,993 - What shape is a wheel? - Round. 363 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:14,435 Some people think that you are a character that we write and direct. 364 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,717 If we had created a character as brilliant as this, would we have flogged it to Sky? 365 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,836 - Definitely not, definitely not. - Definitely not. 366 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,751 (Karl) There's loads of weird fish, though. 367 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,910 I think there's fish in here that I've read about 368 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,514 that are so see-through that they're invisible, 369 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,717 so I don't even think they know they exist. 370 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,598 Because other fish don't go up to it and like mate and stuff. 371 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,798 I don't know how it works. But it's like they're not there to us or to them. 372 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,190 So, they might as well not be there. It's a really weird... I don't know all the facts. 373 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,512 If you're invisible, you'd eventually get ignored a lot 374 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:51,390 and you'd go, "There's no point acknowledging anyone, because no one can see me." 375 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:55,155 - (Man) I don't think that's how it works. - Course it is. 376 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,834 Think if you were invisible and I walked past you. 377 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,753 I'm gonna ignore you, cos I can't see you. 378 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,673 You can't communicate, cos I'd go, "Who was that?" 379 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,718 And eventually you'd just go, "I can't be bothered communicating," 380 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,519 so you're just there, floating about, eating. 381 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:14,310 So, that's probably why they carry on, cos they just eat, they've got nothing else to do. 382 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:18,158 I read it, and I think they're in here. 383 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,073 But you're not gonna see 'em so I can't prove it. 384 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,390 There's people who say I'm an actor called Graham. 385 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,074 - (Ricky) Yeah. - I wish I was. I wish I was. 386 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,310 Change your name to Graham and become an actor. 387 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,595 No, because then they'd go, "Oh, we knew that." 388 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,877 So, the reason you're not changing your name to Graham and becoming an actor 389 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,270 is that you don't want to give idiots the benefit of the doubt. 390 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:43,079 No, it's also that thing of remembering that you've changed your name. 391 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,879 It's like I told you, when I was a kid and I changed my name to Brett, 392 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,349 everyone in the family went along with it and I kept forgetting. 393 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,796 They kept shouting at me, and I was ignoring them, so I thought, "This isn't working." 394 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,435 - (Phone rings) - All right, mate? 395 00:20:55,520 --> 00:21:00,719 - (Stephen) How are you getting on, man? - Er... well, I've had better holidays. 396 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,554 (Stephen) It's not a holiday. I have to keep reminding you it's not a holiday, my friend. 397 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,234 You are making a travel programme for the television. 398 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,072 I can never enjoy anything, can I? 399 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,195 Fuckin' hell. 400 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:15,070 (Stephen) So, get out of the Dead Sea, put some clothes on, and do some fucking work. 401 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:16,673 That's fucking shit. 402 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,876 (Ricky) I've got a little surprise for you. 403 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,713 You're spending the night in a cave, Karl, tonight. 404 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,756 What for? 405 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,991 (Ricky) It's funny. 406 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,670 - But... - (Phone beeping) 407 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,070 (Karl) I had some sort of new pudding that I've never had before, 408 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,197 carrots with sort of milk and sugar on it. 409 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:39,554 I enjoyed it. 410 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:43,189 (Stephen) I don't want to watch you eating carrots on the tellyl 411 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,556 - In HD. - (Stephen) Even in HD. 412 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,598 I reckon I've had about an hour's kip. 413 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:53,719 I am knackered, and I don't know how to get that across to them, that I'm pissed off. 414 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,030 (Ricky) Karl, this is for my amusement 415 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,156 and if you're having a bad time, 416 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,516 bumping up and down on a camel with your testicles being battered, 417 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:06,594 that's good entertainment, this is what I'm giving back to society. 418 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,797 You are my gift to the rest of the world. 419 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:16,629 Now, that's the other thing as well, that, um... people think that, you know, 420 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:24,593 because I call you a little round-headed, chimp-like buffoon, moron, Manc twonk... 421 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,352 I could go on. 422 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,193 - Some people, they mistake that for bullying. - Mm. 423 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,158 What would you say about people that say me and Steve bully you? 424 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:36,995 lf... if they think I am being bullied, what are they doing? When have they come to my help? 425 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,878 Where's Esther Rantzen? Why hasn't she been on the phone? "Leave him alone!" 426 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,748 Nothing's happened. Everyone's saying that. "Karl's being bullied." 427 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,832 Well, first of all, I'm nearly 40. Don't worry about me. 428 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:50,037 Two, well, if you're worried about it, do something. 429 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,236 I've had post delivered to me. 430 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,073 And because you say, "Karl Pilkington's got a head like a fucking orange", 431 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,196 people think they can do it. 432 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,158 I got some lamps delivered in a box. 433 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,196 Somebody along the way, I don't know who, 434 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,840 either the bloke who packed 'em, the courier, 435 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,071 or... I don't know how many people are involved in packing lamps to me, 436 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,470 but somebody wrote on the box, "Head like a fucking orange". 437 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,835 Now, that shouldn't happen. 438 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,638 (Laughing) 439 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:20,032 There were instances where we had planned stuff that you were completely unaware of. 440 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:23,556 In fact, you had very little idea of where you were gonna go and what was gonna happen. 441 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,437 I think a highlight for both Ricky and I 442 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:29,433 was when we gave you some very important training in the event... 443 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,875 - Amazing. That, again... ...you were captured during a terrorist... 444 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,315 ...that went better than I'd ever imagined. 445 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,550 (Men shouting) 446 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,915 (Shouting) 447 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,197 - (Shouting) - Argh! All right! 448 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:50,872 What you doing? 449 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,032 - Leave him alone, man! - (Karl) Yeah, I think you were out of order. 450 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,714 (Stephen) What is going through your head when those guys grabbed you? 451 00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:01,749 You did not know they were gonna attack you and grab you and drag you in the back of a van. 452 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,149 (Karl) It all went black. 453 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,710 Erm... I heard a lot of shouting going on. 454 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:11,873 I didn't know what was happening. I thought, "Is this it? Have I been taken hostage?" 455 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,430 They put my hands behind my back. They put one of those tie things on. 456 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,479 It was cutting into me. I'm thinking, "Is this for the programme? Cos this is hurting. " 457 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,279 (Shouting) 458 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,910 (Karl) I've never experienced that before. 459 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:29,551 (Stephen) They often say in those moments that your whole life flashes before your eyes. 460 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,278 Is that what happened? 461 00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:35,273 No, cos, like I said to you, I had a bag over my head, I couldn't see a thing. 462 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,874 - Talk to me! Talk to me! - Hang on a minute. Are you English? 463 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,997 - You English? Who are you? - Yes, talk to me! 464 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,753 I love it when you go, "Who are you?" 465 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:47,833 Where the adrenaline's kicking in, you can hardly breathe, and you do a posh voice! 466 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,354 - "Who are you?" Ha-ha! - I know. 467 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,193 Because it's terrifying, that, not knowing what's going on. 468 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,430 - What is the number for you? - It's in my mobile! 469 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,636 - What is the number for you? - I don't know! 470 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,553 I don't even know my mam and dad's number! 471 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,791 (Karl) I thought maybe this is part of the setup, I don't know. 472 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,677 But my body didn't know, 473 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,275 because it was going through the same thing as Terry Waite would have gone through 474 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:11,396 or whoever else had been tied to a radiator. 475 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,471 Help! 476 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,678 Did you learn anything from that? 477 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,479 That was important training to make you able to cope 478 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,596 if such a terrible thing did occur to you. 479 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:27,309 If you go to places that you're in danger of being kidnapped, 480 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:28,753 you're meant to have a code word, 481 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,798 - so that when the people who've nicked you... - Right. 482 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,916 ...call up the London office... - Yeah. 483 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,560 ...and they go, "We've got Ricky, Steve and Karl here..." 484 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,029 - Right. ...and the London office go, "Yeah, yeah"... 485 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,997 Give us your code word. 486 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,433 - Well, at the time... - Mm. 487 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,432 ...it was congress tart. - Congress tart? 488 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:49,115 - How do you slip that into a conversation? - No, you don't slip it in. 489 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,715 They've got a bag over your head, gun to your head. "Tell them you've been kidnapped." 490 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,872 You go, "Congress tart." And they go, "Bloody hell, he's been kidnapped." 491 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,428 Before you know it, the A-Team's coming in. 492 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,397 Right, so, er... ring, ring. 493 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,233 - Hello, Karl mate, how's it going? - Congress tart. 494 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,515 - What? - Congress tart. 495 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,955 - Rick, who's on the phone, mate? - It's... it's Karl. 496 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:12,192 He said "Congress tart" so he's been kidnapped. Who are they? What do they want? 497 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,352 - Right, who am I talking to now? Cos... - Them. Ask 'em. 498 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:19,069 What do you want? He's asking what you want. 499 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,355 There's no one here to do that bit of role-playing 500 00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,954 so maybe you should tell me what they're saying. 501 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,599 They said, erm... they just said they... they want to use me as bargaining power. 502 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,069 (Both) But what do they want? 503 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,754 But what do you actually want? 504 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,956 Oh. 505 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:40,033 What would they want? Is it money? Give 'em money. Money. 506 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:43,396 - Look at him. - A million. Er... two... five million pounds. 507 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,392 Too much. I'm not spending that sort of cash. I've worked hard for this. 508 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:48,436 - No, you don't do that. - I'm not spending that cash. 509 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:51,557 - You see, this is what worries me. - I'm not spending 5 million to get you back. 510 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,518 That's what's worrying, because that's what would have happened. 511 00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:58,115 - Can't we negotiate? Put them... put them on. - Here you are, here's Ricky. 512 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,351 Right, you've got to play him as well, though. Hello? 513 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:02,998 - Hello. - Who's that? 514 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,755 - Never mind that. Where's my five million? - Can't afford five million at the moment. 515 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,718 - We're gonna kill this kid if... - He's not a kid. 516 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,233 ...you don't give us the five million. 517 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,754 - We're getting sick of him. - Why? What's he doing? 518 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,628 - He's just shouting, "Congress tart!" - (Laughs) 519 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,280 Give him the money. Give us the money. 520 00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:22,112 (Laughing) OK! 521 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,749 I wouldn't have got 'em to call you, actually. There's no way. There's no way. 522 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:27,796 OK, let's have a break! 523 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,713 Oh, God! Oh, God! 524 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,268 (Whooping on television) 525 00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:45,798 (Karl) It's not really a dance, is it? It's like a little bit of a shuffle, really. 526 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,831 It's just that. 527 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,150 Not really... not using... 528 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:56,268 not even adding... not even adding that sort of thing to it. 529 00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:59,238 Just a bit more with the face, even. 530 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,118 (Whooping and chanting) 531 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:03,952 It's that sort of old man shuffle. 532 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,270 You know when old men are sort of a bit pissed up 533 00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:08,430 and their pants have fallen down a bit. 534 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,236 Sort of that pissed-up walk. 535 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,470 (Muttering) 536 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,596 Like that. 537 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:21,593 But, you know, it killed a bit of time. There was nothing else to watch. 538 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,035 (Chanting and whooping) 539 00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:28,750 I was tempted to sort of... I'd join the line and then do that and see if they copy it 540 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,752 and then that'd be me giving them something. 541 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,195 But then is that interfering? 542 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:37,750 Maybe it wouldn't look frightening by the time... you know, if another tribe came in 543 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,991 and they're all stood over there looking like Lionel Blair. 544 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,959 You know, they're just gonna go, "Right, let's get 'em. We can handle these." 545 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,957 I mean, I'm so jealous of you being in the Peruvian jungle. 546 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:52,237 - Didn't you have a whale of a time? - Erm... 547 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,515 Fuckin' hell! 548 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,353 I want to go home. 549 00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,591 (Karl) People watching it'll sort of go, "Yeah, but, you know, I've seen all this, 550 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,911 "Ray Mears and Bear Grylls sucking on elephant shit and all that. " 551 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,434 It's hard to let people know 552 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,636 - how bad it is out there. - (Ricky) Yeah. 553 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:12,838 (Karl) When I came out of there, I'd... I'd had no phone signal. 554 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:16,071 For five days, no phone signal. 555 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,755 Stuck in a jungle, the Amazonian jungle, in a one-man tent, 556 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,479 and then with a tribe for a couple of days. 557 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,791 Called Suzanne up and said, "All right? I'm safe" and all that, 558 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,440 - expecting to get like a hero's welcome. - (Snorts) 559 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:33,992 All I got was, "Oh, it's... it's reassured me that if you died, I'd be all right." 560 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,231 That's what she said. For 16 years I've been with her. 561 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,039 Not a day's gone by when I haven't spoke to her at some point. 562 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,998 She turns round and says that, "I'd be all right if you were dead." 563 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,356 "All right, cheers for that. I've got to call Ricky now." I called you up. 564 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,275 - Well, no, we didn't say anything... - (Crackling) 565 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:11,593 We didn't say anything about that. We said it's Karl Pilkington's Seven Wonders. Hello? 566 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:19,190 - One of those things that... - Yeah, well, who's the idiot abroad? 567 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,396 Yeah, well, they would, cos you said it. 568 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,677 They all sit there going, "Yeah, that's great, Ricky. Yeah, we'll do that." 569 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,036 We're not having An Idiot Abroad. It's Karl Pilkington's Seven Wonders. 570 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:35,557 I've been through a load of shit here. You're sat there giving them bloody shit titles. 571 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,916 We're not having An Idiot Abroad. We're not having it. 572 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:43,152 It's the one... one thing that I said that I'm happy with. 573 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,118 I've got... I don't want people thinking I'm a div. 574 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,430 Who was in the meeting? 575 00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,550 Well, I'm back in a... in a couple of days. 576 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:03,394 We'll have another little meeting about that. Let's have another little meeting. 577 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:07,678 Was it all... all croissants there and free coffee as they all sat around on their arse? 578 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,558 "Yes, that's great, Ricky. Any other ideas? Pour us another coffee." 579 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,471 I'm sick of that lot. Tell 'em now. 580 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,597 Call them now and tell 'em that we're not doing series two. 581 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:17,398 Nip that in the bud. 582 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,790 - I'm not doing any more. That's the end. - Yeah, you are. 583 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,474 - People love it. - No, I've done that. I've had enough. 584 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:26,916 No, come on, let's think of something else you can do. Seriously, what about this? 585 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,788 - We're not gonna sort that out today. - Idiot Abroad, Fool's Gold. 586 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:34,668 I give you a million to spend and you've got one year to make two million. 587 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,319 - I've got to double a million. - Yeah. 588 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:45,951 You can gamble, you can put it all on a horse, or you can put a little bit on a horse. 589 00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,794 You could go to the Dragon's Den. You could go, "Look, I've got an idea, clippable mug. 590 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,314 "What about the tie you can carry scissors in and stuff?" 591 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,152 - That's already out there. - Is it? 592 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,071 What is the first thing you'd do with that, 593 00:31:56,160 --> 00:32:01,234 if I said you've got a year to make one million, and you've got this million? 594 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,276 - I'd just do loads of stuff. - Go on, then. 595 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,157 What's the first stop? What do you do? 596 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,437 Antiques and, um... buy antiques, flog 'em on. 597 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:10,875 - Art. I'd buy a house in Bulgaria. - Right. 598 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,428 - What do you know about antiques? - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 599 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,875 You're gonna buy a house in Bulgaria. That's your first thought. 600 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,077 - How much is the house in Bulgaria? - Hundred grand. 601 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,232 - Right, how much do you want to sell it for? - For 200. I'm gonna do it up. 602 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,515 - Double your money on a house in a year? - Easy. 603 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,875 - You got to make... - I'm spinning plates here. 604 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,679 - Go on, then. What else? - You got to keep flying to Bulgaria. 605 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,832 - No, I've got the local builders on it. - In Bulgaria? 606 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:37,152 Yeah, I'm just plate-spinning. Antiques on the go. I'm buying scratchcards. 607 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:39,310 - You're buying scratchcards? - I buy a load. 608 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,756 - How many? - Ss... Five thousand scratchcards. 609 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:44,831 - (Stephen) Right. - I'd have some kids doing that. 610 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,434 I'd say, "Right, you can have a fiver if you..." 611 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:51,354 - You're giving it to... - I haven't got time. I'm giving it them to do. 612 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:55,831 This is the worst idea I've ever heard. That... My... my million's gone, hasn't it? 613 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,638 - Yeah, he's lost it. - No, it hasn't. 614 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,110 If you've got money, you make money. That's a fact. 615 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,634 - Where is Bulgaria? - It's somewhere... 616 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,757 I know Bulgaria's good for property. I've seen a lot of property programmes. 617 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,274 - Do you mean Belgravia? - I just watch... No, no, no. 618 00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,397 There's a lot of things that you can do with property, antiques... 619 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,313 - What else? ...and buying classic cars and doing them up. 620 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,994 So, you're doubling your money on a classic car in a year? 621 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,799 - Yeah, but I've made inventions. - What have you done? 622 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,474 I'll do the Dragon's Den. Like you said, the clip-on mat idea. 623 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,518 Like you have your cup there, but look at that saucer. 624 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,751 Every time I have a cup, have a little bit of tea, I'm talking to you 625 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,513 and I've got to go like that, I've got to look where I'm putting it again. 626 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,876 - A clippable mat is stuck on. It's attached. - That's ridiculous. 627 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:39,589 I'm talking to you. And I don't have to put it down there. I could put it down there. 628 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,638 I'm not limited as to the surface that I can put it on. 629 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:44,631 It's attached. 630 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:48,713 It's washer-proof. Dishwasher-proof. It's an idea. 631 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,997 - I'm out. - (Laughs) 632 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,389 Fuck me! So am I. 633 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:55,754 Oh. 634 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,674 - (Birds tweeting) - (Dog barking) 635 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,189 (Dog barking) 636 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:05,271 (Karl) Most of the world is grim. 637 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,910 Louis Armstrong did that What A Wonderful World song. 638 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,991 (Dog barking) 639 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,469 I don't know what he's going on about. 640 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,797 (Dog barks) 641 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:24,156 If Louis had seen what I'd seen, he wouldn't have brought that out. 642 00:34:24,240 --> 00:34:27,630 Well, Karl, you talked a lot before you went on the trip 643 00:34:27,720 --> 00:34:31,554 about how probably your happiest holiday time was when you were younger. 644 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,200 - Where did you used to go? - Wales. Porthmadog. 645 00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:36,350 - (Stephen) Right. - Year after year after year. It was brilliant. 646 00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,716 - And why was it so great? - It's everything you want. It's a good... 647 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,756 You know, it was a good holiday park. 648 00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:43,876 - (Stephen) Right. - Weather was good. 649 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:47,077 I had loads of mates. There was always kids knocking about there who I got on with. 650 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,152 Arcade. Beach. 651 00:34:50,240 --> 00:34:53,277 - It was Hell's Angels down one end... - Mm. 652 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,636 ...and I remember watching them, thinking, "I want to be one of them." 653 00:34:56,720 --> 00:35:02,078 I wanted to be a Hell's Angel, cos they looked hard, all the leather on and that. 654 00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:06,756 And, er... I don't know. You see, this... again, this might not be true. 655 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:10,549 But my mam told me, it might have just been to put me off, 656 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,552 she said to be a Hell's Angel, you got to shit in your pants. 657 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:17,030 Why does your mum give you... 658 00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,953 Shit in your pants and keep 'em on for a week. 659 00:35:21,240 --> 00:35:23,037 - So... - Oh! 660 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,634 ...yeah, my dad said my Auntie Nora could have joined, then. 661 00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:28,598 - But, er... - (Laughs) 662 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,478 So, what you're saying is that you have nothing but happy memories 663 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,471 - of your glory days back in Wales? - I loved it. 664 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,676 You were whingeing when we were sending you on these trips. 665 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:38,752 You were like, "Oh, I had a great time back in Wales, blah, blah, blah." 666 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:42,310 Well, we sent you back to Wales. Let's have a look how you got on. 667 00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:49,791 Every holiday we had, we'd go to this place in Wales, this campsite. 668 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:54,556 My mam and dad got a caravan there. It's designed, it's hi-tech. 669 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:57,074 I wanted to experience it. 670 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,671 It's all right, isn't it? 671 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:07,352 This is good, isn't it? See, you've got loads of space for stuff and that. 672 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,715 Big fire. 673 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,916 Three bedrooms it's got. 674 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,556 But what's good is, 675 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,313 normally, 676 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,278 say if, um... your gran comes in. 677 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:24,397 "Oh, I didn't know your whole family's coming. Where can I stay?" 678 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,836 You just go, "Hang on." Watch how quick this is. 679 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,395 Oh, no, that isn't one. Hang on. 680 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,311 Just hang on. 681 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:38,550 You stay there. 682 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,874 And you just sort of... 683 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,316 That's not right, is it? 684 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:15,518 (Panting) Well, she can just sort of... you know. 685 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,149 What's wrong with that? 686 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:24,917 (Bleeping) 687 00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:30,837 (Seagulls cry) 688 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:35,436 (Karl) I remember getting chickenpox when I was here. 689 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:40,116 I just sat in the bath with a load of salt, stop 'em itching. 690 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,350 - Er... - (Seagulls cry) 691 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:45,556 I burnt my hand badly. 692 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:49,428 Cos Joan Ross was with us on holiday and she gave me a plate with sausage rolls on it. 693 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:53,399 But she handed it to me with a tea towel. I just grabbed the plate. It stuck to my hand. 694 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:56,552 A lot of injuries happened here, really. 695 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:00,672 Some people next door. 696 00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:02,796 See, that might get annoying. 697 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:07,237 They've put us right next to a family of 12 or whatever. 698 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,276 They seem the sort who'll be out there all night. 699 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,999 They've got a table there with all sorts. 700 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,674 Game of Monopoly. You don't have a quick game of that. 701 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,752 You know what I mean? They're there for the night now. 702 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:21,071 You're company now. If I was here, I'd be quite happy sat here. 703 00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:24,118 I'd probably put the telly on. Have a cup of tea or something. Relax. 704 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,430 But 'cause you're here going, "What do you do now", 705 00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:29,114 it's like I've got to try and impress you. 706 00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,074 What's wrong with just sitting here now? 707 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,197 The air's coming in. They're getting on my tits. 708 00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,236 (Seagulls cry) 709 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,751 We used to come to do crabbing. 710 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,159 But it's a bit of a ropey day today, innit? 711 00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:51,030 You see, this isn't... 712 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,510 I didn't really want Ricky and Steve to see it like this. 713 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,358 My thing's broke. 714 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:01,955 Can we go back? 715 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,713 - (Seagulls cry) - (Karl) Been a bit rubbish, hasn't it? 716 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,793 It has been a bit rubbish. I don't know. Is it because I've changed? 717 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,599 Is it cos I've been round the world and seen other things 718 00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,513 and then seeing this doesn't... doesn't work any more? 719 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:18,559 Have I sort of messed up the fact that I used to like simple things 720 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:24,510 and now, you know, if Suzanne books a holiday, I'll be going, "Never mind, 721 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,348 "forget having a swim in the pool. Where's the local tribe?" 722 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,317 What is that? 723 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,915 One of my ambitions for the series... I mean, I know Ricky's got his own agenda. 724 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,753 But I was hoping that, you know, maybe travel would broaden the mind. 725 00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:41,990 That's the phrase that we hear. 726 00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:46,710 Do you feel, now the dust has settled, like a different Karl? 727 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,553 You're saying about the broadening of the mind. 728 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:54,270 I've put more stuff in the mind, and whenever you do that, something has to go. 729 00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,635 - Why does something have to go? - No, no. 730 00:39:56,720 --> 00:40:00,429 It's the mind. Everything's only got a certain amount of space. 731 00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:03,512 Even with computers, they go, "Ooh, disc space full" or whatever. 732 00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:07,434 - It's the same with the brain. - But when I learn a new fact... 733 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,910 I don't have to make room, I don't have to go, "Right, I've got to chuck some out. 734 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,355 "I've got to chuck some out now." 735 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,158 Course you do. 736 00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:17,834 Unless you're Stephen Hawking, who's got it all on a hard drive, 737 00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:22,277 you can't just go, "Oh, where's that thing? Where's that thing that I want to remember?" 738 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,158 You might go, "Oh, I remember knowing something like that." 739 00:40:25,240 --> 00:40:27,196 Before when you were talking about bananas, 740 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:31,398 now, I had that fact about if you eat more than six, it can kill you. 741 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,471 No, that's definitely... That's not a fact. 742 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:38,156 It is a fact. Potassium levels are dangerously high if you have six bananas. 743 00:40:38,240 --> 00:40:42,916 Now, when I walked in here today, I wasn't going, "Must tell Ricky about the banana fact." 744 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:46,549 I went in that place you were having make-up on, I saw a bowl of bananas. 745 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,677 I said, "There's six bananas there. You know why. Seven would be dangerous." 746 00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:52,069 Let's hear what happened. 747 00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:55,391 What fact squeezed out of your brain to accommodate the banana information? 748 00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,835 - I don't know cos I forgot it. - Perfect. 749 00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:01,196 (# Louis Armstrong: What A Wonderful World) 750 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,793 # I see trees of green... 751 00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:08,359 Ha-ha! 752 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,954 # Red roses too... 753 00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:13,474 - There's no doors or anything. - # I see them bloom 754 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,630 # For me and you 755 00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:20,109 # And I think to myself 756 00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:25,710 # What a wonderful world... 757 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:31,479 (Laughs) 758 00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,393 # I see skies of blue... 759 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:37,358 What the fuck is that? 760 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:39,192 Was that someone's goz? 761 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:42,033 - (Camel growls) - # The bright blessed days 762 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,998 # The dark sacred nights 763 00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,150 # And I think to myself... 764 00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:49,959 The lights are changing! Lights, lights, lights! 765 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,508 # What a wonderful world... 766 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,955 A load of bees here! 767 00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:57,752 Is anywhere safe? 768 00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,070 # - The colours of the rainbow... - (Explosions) 769 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:04,831 # So pretty in the sky 770 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:06,990 # Are also on the faces... 771 00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:10,914 - That's a testicle? - # Of people going by 772 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,468 # I see friends shaking hands... 773 00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:15,676 - I'm Marcello. - Marcello. Not bad. 774 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,991 - OK. - Ah, Jesus! 775 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,878 # They're really saying 776 00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,554 # I love you 777 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,712 # I hear babies cry... 778 00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:31,110 - Fuckin' hell! - # I watch them grow... 779 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,392 (Karl) I'm not putting myself above my station here. 780 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,589 I thought I was gonna be the new Palin. 781 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,035 Soon found out I didn't know much. 782 00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,476 But then I put myself out to learn a bit more. 783 00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:50,072 It's been a journey. People watching it have been on my journey. 784 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,151 # Yes 785 00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:55,357 # I think to myself... 786 00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,795 Everything I've been through, they've seen. 787 00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:02,908 # What a wonderful world 788 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,998 # Oh, yeah # 789 00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:18,188 I mean, they say that travel broadens the mind, but I don't know if it does. 790 00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,953 Buggers it up. I'm knackered. 791 00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:24,271 # La la la la 792 00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,630 # La la la la 793 00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:32,995 # La la la la 794 00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:37,390 # La la la la 795 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,636 # La la la la 796 00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:43,517 # La la la la 797 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:45,990 # La la la la 798 00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:48,310 # La la la la #