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The Bucket List ...
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See the glaciers before they melt.
3
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Go on an African safari.
4
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Encounter the world's largest mammal.
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The ultimate things
to do before you die.
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What are they?
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If I was on my death bed,
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There's no way I'd want to
be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.
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It's not things to do
a few minutes before you die.
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It's things
to do in your life.
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Easy, boys, easy!
12
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It's difficult.
It was so suspicious, after last time.
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Oh, good Jesus!
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We've told him that he gets to
choose from the list, whatever he wants to do.
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This is doing my head in.
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But that does not mean that
there won't be a few treats in store.
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Fucking hell!
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This is a man who is reluctant. This is
a man who doesn't wanna do these things.
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- No.
- Let it happen.
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It's making Karl do things other
people want to do before they die.
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Yeah, exactly, yeah. This isn't his list.
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Fucking twats! Agh!
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S02E01
Desert Island
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Have you heard of the term
"Bucket List"?
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Yes, it's things to do
before you die, ain't it?
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We have sort of compiled a Top 100
that we've taken from loads of lists
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and these seem to be the most
popular 100 things to do, before you die.
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Anything you fancy there?
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Fly a fighter jet.
Forget it.
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What's the sort of things you've heard of on
the past as the typical bucket list?
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- It's daft stuff.
- Right.
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Sky-diving.
Bungee-jumping.
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Why is that daft, though?
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That is not worth doing, that sort of thing.
And it's dangerous.
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Why would you think people do it,
if it is pointless?
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Because they're idiots.
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Sort of gelled permed hair types.
Australians.
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You're not jealous of their hair, right?
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- No, I just mean it's that sort of...
- Kind of that go...
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Yeah, normally I'd avoid them.
I don't want to know me, that sort of people.
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Right, going down the list.
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I think you'll find the jumping off the plane
probably is on here, as is bungee-jumping.
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But there's obviously, there's a hundred options
here, of things to do before you die.
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I mean like, being on a private desert island,
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- There you go, right.
- Even though I'm not that interested...
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I prefer that than doing the dangerous stuff.
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So should we take that? Spending the
night on you own private desert island?
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Just the one night?
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But what am I doing there?
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- Just chilling out.
- Hanging out.
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If it's sunny, just walk around naked.
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No, I wouldn't do that.
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Why? There's no one there.
Just walk around, you know, like nature.
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- Completely naked as God intended.
- No, I don't, I wouldn't do that.
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Well, if you're doing that one,
we're confiscating your pants.
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When you land...
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Just because, you never know ...
Only Crusoe was on there, Friday crops up.
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- Who?
- Robinson Crusoe.
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He wouldn't walk
about with his knob out.
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- Yes, he did.
- Yes.
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Then Friday cropped up.
You think no one is there...
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A boat comes in, a cruise with a load of tourists,
and I would stand there with knob and bollocks out.
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Anyway, it's sand in there.
It's not good to be nude, in the sand.
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Nude.
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Okay. Spend the night on you
own desert island... In your pants.
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Yeah?
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You can go a bit mad, though,
can't you?
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Not in a day!
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If I was there, you could.
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Jesus!
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Fuckin' hell...
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We could have gone straight to the desert island.
Instead, we've come all the way here, for a pointless occasion.
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Because it's not gonna happen.
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I said I'm not bungee-jumping.
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When we talked about the whole Bucket List thing
and Steve was going:
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"Oh, yeah, bungee jumping...
That's what people want to do. "
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They might, but I don't.
This is meant to be my bucket list.
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I've been on the world now, for 38 years.
I don't need to introduce this now.
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Fuckin' hell!
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I'm just creating a new problem
if I do get into bungee-jumping.
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I don't wanna change.
I don't want to get into this.
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Karl, let it go.
Look up. Chin up.
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Focus on that men.
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- No, forget it!
- Yes.
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- You're gonna dive here.
- No. I do not want it.
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Honestly, you'll be coming upside
and need to do that again.
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What all that noise? I just made a noise,
I've never heard come from me.
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- Take a deep breath.
- There's a noise again.
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- You do that already. - No.
- Yes. - No.
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- Looking up.
- No, forget it!
91
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- Come on, Karl!
- No, there's a queue. I don't wanna do it.
92
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I don't wanna do it!
93
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- This is your chance!
- Burn the fuck up!
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Stop talking a second. Just give my brain
just a chance to count itself in.
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Do it. Just do it!
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Nah, forget it.
Honestly, forget it. I fold it.
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I'm in New Zealand.
That wasn't on the list.
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Bungee jumping cropped up.
They won't. What's the point?
99
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You know, I was the same with olives.
But you can't put it on the same category.
100
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I made a noise, when
I was stood up there looking down.
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I've never heard the noise come
out of me. It all like a... Noise.
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I've never done that.
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Honestly.
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I was not scared!
Will you stop saying the scared thing?
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I'm gonna see where bungee was invented.
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Don't see what difference does it make seeing
where something was invented?
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It's not even a proper invention.
It's not like a Dyson vacuum cleaner.
108
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That's gotta be some nutter, jumping off the tree,
with a bit of rope attached to his leg.
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It's not invention!
110
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My feet haven't touched the ground,
I can't believe I'm gettin' in another plane.
111
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I've been on the air more than some pigeons.
112
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Pigeons seem to walk about more than
I've been doing the last two days.
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I thought "Easy Jet" was bad.
Look at this!
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Fucking hell...
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Yeah, just about. I'm on a plane.
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I didn't do it.
I told you I didn't wanna do it.
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It's dangerous. I said before I left London,
I wasn't gonna do it.
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What do you mean, I'm taking the piss? If you could see
where I am, I'm not taking the piss.
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This is no feast holiday.
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I'm sat with a load of luggage here
with my knees on the back of the pilot.
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What?
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I've gotta try and just control this.
Otherwise, you're going end up killing me!
123
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I don't know... I should be enjoying this bit now, shouldn't?
Because it is nice, ain't it?
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But I just got that litte niggle
of Ricky and Steve...
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moaning at me,
because I did not bungee jump.
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If I come to the happiest place in the world
and I'm not happy.
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What's wrong with me?
128
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I'm here to see this "land diving" thing,
which is like the birth of the bungee.
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If I keep saying "no" to stuff, it's like
will it get worse?
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I'm just thinking through my head about
what this "land dive" is.
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If I don't do a land-dive,
what are they gonna find for me tomorrow?
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"Karl, get down to tar-dive."
133
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So that's a land-dive?
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My God! Oh, no!
135
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You bring me to these places and expect
for me to fit in.
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Look at that for an image.
137
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- Just dropping, ain't it?
- Karl, just calm down. Just have a look a few jumpers.
138
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I will, I'll have a look. But it keeps.
They're expecting me to jump, it's not gonna happen.
139
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I'm surprised you think that
I would do that.
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I'm happy to go up there and have a look.
But I'm not doing the jump,
141
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because I thought it would be smaller than that.
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Definitely not! No.
143
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Ricky and Steve said it's the island of
happiness. I can't see getting hapiness out of that.
144
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They look happy
and the pants they're wearing.
145
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They're constantly happy.
146
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:15,600
How high is it, John?
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30 meters?
148
00:10:18,839 --> 00:10:24,559
And what do they expect to me?
Because, I doubt I'll do it.
149
00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:27,867
Are there people expecting
me to do it from the top?
150
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Yeah, but why?
151
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I've got a mortgage on my things.
I've got bills to pay.
152
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What a lunatic!
Oh, he bottled it!
153
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Why is the crack?
154
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It's just dangerous.
155
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Kids shouldn't be doing that. People are all saying
"you shouln't give Xboxes and PlayStations to kids",
156
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because they don't play out. But if
that's the alternative, keep them in.
157
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I don't wanna be grabbing something.
Do you know what I mean?
158
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:17,640
I'm happy to have a dance with them, but that's not gonna
be enough for Ricky and Steve,
159
00:11:17,641 --> 00:11:21,781
When you see that lad diving off there...
"He did it, why can't you do it?"
160
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What do you think I'll get
away with me doing it?
161
00:11:25,361 --> 00:11:31,360
What would you be happy for me to jump from?
If I jump from the bottom bar. Is that okay?
162
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- Yes, that's okay.
- That's okay?
163
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Does that count as a land-dive?
164
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- Yes.
- Everybody agree?
165
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If they say, it's right, doesn't matter
what Ricky and Steve say.
166
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It's a land-dive.
I'm diving from there into the land.
167
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I don't think anyone knows how dangerous
it is. I'm get adviced from a cabbage.
168
00:11:59,121 --> 00:12:00,841
I've got sweat in my eye.
169
00:12:04,962 --> 00:12:08,001
This is high up, this.
It's a lot higher than I thought, this.
170
00:12:19,442 --> 00:12:21,122
I feel like Jesus.
171
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Here we go!
172
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Look at it!
173
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Alright.
174
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Let's get to move on.
Probably got a plane to catch.
175
00:13:32,564 --> 00:13:34,100
I'm where I'm meant to be now, at last.
176
00:13:35,003 --> 00:13:35,600
I'm in Vanuatu.
177
00:13:37,604 --> 00:13:42,084
I spoke to Stephen and he was all a bit down on me.
And he was calling me a chicken.
178
00:13:42,084 --> 00:13:45,203
I got there and
did the proper land-dive.
179
00:13:45,203 --> 00:13:50,642
After, they were all like carrying me about
the local village, all throwing me about in the air.
180
00:13:50,643 --> 00:13:52,964
They were loving it.
181
00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:54,404
Done it.
182
00:13:58,524 --> 00:14:01,444
- How high was it?
- I think I've got to be honest with you...
183
00:14:01,444 --> 00:14:04,844
It was on below the child's one.
It's about 120 cm, Karl.
184
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,924
It was about 150 cm.
185
00:14:13,885 --> 00:14:18,885
No! I think it was about 165 cm.
186
00:15:04,886 --> 00:15:08,645
This is all I wanted.
This is how I'd picture it.
187
00:15:08,645 --> 00:15:10,645
When I picked the desert island thing.
188
00:15:10,646 --> 00:15:13,445
Just relaxing.
Enjoying my own company.
189
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:17,805
Time to think. See it my brain works
different, when I've got the stress of
190
00:15:17,806 --> 00:15:23,805
Ricky around me, Suzanne asking for stuff...
Problems at home. The boiler.
191
00:15:23,806 --> 00:15:28,286
That looks like never happen. A starfish and
a sausage never meet.
192
00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:32,525
I'm not enjoying it,
as much as I normally would.
193
00:15:34,405 --> 00:15:38,846
Cuz Ricky and Steve have sorted it out
and a bit of me is thinking why are they doing this?
194
00:15:39,646 --> 00:15:43,646
It's almost like, being in a private hospital.
195
00:15:43,646 --> 00:15:45,525
You're getting a comfy bed,
you're getting good food,
196
00:15:45,526 --> 00:15:49,156
But tomorrow you're having a leg off.
You know what I mean?
197
00:15:57,407 --> 00:15:59,166
This isn't for me, is it?
198
00:16:00,407 --> 00:16:04,246
I'm not going on another plane, Luke.
This is pointless.
199
00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:05,606
No way.
200
00:16:12,047 --> 00:16:14,748
- Alright.
- I'm looking for Karl.
201
00:16:15,086 --> 00:16:17,367
Karl, you're my man!
202
00:16:18,076 --> 00:16:19,598
Fuck it...
203
00:16:20,967 --> 00:16:25,527
Seriously, how many more flights have I got to do on this?
Because, I think it's getting out of hand.
204
00:16:25,807 --> 00:16:28,287
I haven't even my bag unpacked,
since I've been here.
205
00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:31,406
It's just been jumping on a plane,
off a plane, on a plane.
206
00:16:31,487 --> 00:16:35,286
And now I've got to get to another island,
to get on another plane, to get to another island.
207
00:16:35,287 --> 00:16:38,887
It's just doing my head in.
It don't even make sense this place, Vanuatu.
208
00:16:38,888 --> 00:16:41,407
82 islands make it up.
209
00:16:41,407 --> 00:16:46,007
How does that work? It's just in bits,
it's like it's blown up.
210
00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:50,487
Is that the volcano lair, to our right?
211
00:16:50,848 --> 00:16:54,968
Land of magic.
Land of Fire.
212
00:16:54,968 --> 00:16:58,206
I'm not that happy, being this close.
213
00:16:58,609 --> 00:17:01,168
Does that can go off?
214
00:17:01,207 --> 00:17:04,367
Because it can squirt for miles.
215
00:17:04,368 --> 00:17:07,327
Cuz I hate burns.
I hate them when I'm doing fried eggs.
216
00:17:07,328 --> 00:17:10,288
You've got that fat spitting out,
when it's on your hand.
217
00:17:10,288 --> 00:17:13,487
That's what this is like.
Just frying an egg.
218
00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:22,208
I just got a text from Steve.
219
00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:25,888
Hello, Karl. I hope you enjoyed
the 5-star resort.
220
00:17:26,328 --> 00:17:28,487
Sorry, mate, but the fun is over now.
221
00:17:28,488 --> 00:17:31,888
time to go a little deeper,
and see how the locals live.
222
00:17:31,888 --> 00:17:35,809
A plane is taking you to the island of Tanna,
where you'll meet a tribe
223
00:17:35,849 --> 00:17:41,689
who worship Prince Philip.
Enjoy, Steve.
224
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:45,769
What does he mean, there's a tribe
that worship Prince Philip. How does that happen?
225
00:17:45,770 --> 00:17:47,649
How does that come about?
226
00:17:47,929 --> 00:17:51,569
Just when I think
things can't get any weirder
227
00:17:51,569 --> 00:17:55,809
You say: "Give these pictures of Prince Philip, a 90-year old man,
to a trible in the middle of nowhere."
228
00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:04,783
- Hi, Karl.
- Hi. What's your name?
229
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:06,249
- I'm JJ.
- JJ?
230
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:07,250
JJ and...
231
00:18:18,810 --> 00:18:20,009
Rain.
232
00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:22,981
He's happy, ain't he?
233
00:18:24,569 --> 00:18:28,490
You like Prince Philip?
234
00:18:30,169 --> 00:18:32,209
See his face,
let's see if he likes this.
235
00:18:36,410 --> 00:18:38,530
You like him? You worship?
236
00:18:40,090 --> 00:18:41,689
I'll show you this then...
237
00:18:41,891 --> 00:18:43,535
Do you like this?
238
00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:45,809
- Philip.
- Philip.
239
00:18:45,810 --> 00:18:48,176
Philip. His wife.
240
00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:51,409
He was 90.
Just a special coin, he did.
241
00:18:51,410 --> 00:18:54,210
- 5 pounds. Quid.
- 5?
242
00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:55,570
5 quid. 5 pounds.
243
00:19:01,051 --> 00:19:03,770
I think he was happy, with it.
It's fine.
244
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,370
You can have that.
245
00:19:05,371 --> 00:19:07,731
I don't know where
you're gonna keep it.
246
00:19:10,891 --> 00:19:13,691
Karl... Albi...
247
00:19:14,838 --> 00:19:16,016
Solid.
248
00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:23,891
Are we far?
249
00:19:24,891 --> 00:19:25,891
An hour?
250
00:19:25,692 --> 00:19:28,098
An hour on this?
251
00:19:36,451 --> 00:19:39,971
Are they expecting me? They all look
like they're waiting for me.
252
00:19:42,091 --> 00:19:45,092
Is there anything I need to do?
Or just say "hello"?
253
00:19:47,851 --> 00:19:49,132
Hello.
254
00:19:50,811 --> 00:19:52,715
Thanks for having me.
255
00:19:52,751 --> 00:19:56,692
This is like a proper tribe, this.
256
00:20:07,652 --> 00:20:11,491
That is weird, ain't it?
I mean, here they are, proper tribe...
257
00:20:11,492 --> 00:20:14,011
Living half naked, in the jungle...
258
00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:17,333
and yet they like Prince Philip.
Some sort of God-way
259
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:20,773
I can't get my head around that,
how all that came about, honestly.
260
00:20:21,532 --> 00:20:24,292
What's this?
You met him then?
261
00:20:24,292 --> 00:20:27,092
- Hang on. That's not real.
- That's a real.
262
00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:29,732
How did you sort that out?
263
00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:35,172
Because most people who need to meet him,
you do a Duke of Edinburgh's Award.
264
00:20:35,172 --> 00:20:38,412
You have to had helped old people
across the road, or that sort of thing.
265
00:20:38,413 --> 00:20:41,973
You get to get your foot on the door,
and you meet him.
266
00:20:45,493 --> 00:20:46,973
Can't believe that.
267
00:20:46,974 --> 00:20:49,493
Can't believe it.
268
00:20:50,572 --> 00:20:52,652
It's weird,
269
00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:55,892
they've got all these pictures up,
and they worship him.
270
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:59,212
But at least he exists.
271
00:20:59,213 --> 00:21:04,013
Some people worship stuff. These gods
and everything that you don't even know where they are.
272
00:21:04,333 --> 00:21:08,013
You certainly don't have a
post code for your God.
273
00:21:08,014 --> 00:21:10,172
They have. They can write him a letter.
274
00:21:20,733 --> 00:21:27,534
He basically came here once.
And ever since his visit, problems went away.
275
00:21:27,535 --> 00:21:29,614
So they worship him.
276
00:21:29,614 --> 00:21:34,253
Don't know if it is just a coincidence,
don't know if Philip did sort it.
277
00:21:34,974 --> 00:21:37,093
I've never known him
to sort anything.
278
00:21:37,094 --> 00:21:39,253
But at the end of the day,
it's making them happy.
279
00:21:40,094 --> 00:21:44,413
And if they're happy... They've got all
the pictures up, gives them something to look at.
280
00:21:45,254 --> 00:21:48,255
You got to have a hobby, don't you?
And that's their hobby, anyway.
281
00:21:59,175 --> 00:22:01,094
A little heavy, ain't it?
282
00:22:01,135 --> 00:22:03,854
I'm meant to be, to go on a desert island.
283
00:22:03,855 --> 00:22:06,215
Do they know I'm not powerful?
I'm not a powerful figure.
284
00:22:06,454 --> 00:22:08,600
I'm just a bloke from England.
285
00:22:15,855 --> 00:22:17,695
What can I do?
286
00:22:19,575 --> 00:22:23,214
I don't know, "What's the main concern here?
Or what are they worried about? "
287
00:22:25,336 --> 00:22:27,175
I'm not quite sure.
288
00:22:27,935 --> 00:22:29,535
That's madness.
289
00:22:29,576 --> 00:22:32,615
When I was at school, my head teacher said,
Karl will never be a high-flyer.
290
00:22:32,615 --> 00:22:37,375
I'm suddenly part of the UN
solving out the world problems and everything.
291
00:22:37,376 --> 00:22:40,615
That's not me, though.
I think I said the right thing, didn't I?
292
00:22:40,896 --> 00:22:44,094
They don't need to worry.
Everything is gonna be good.
293
00:22:44,095 --> 00:22:48,695
Things change,
but I think it will be alright.
294
00:22:48,695 --> 00:22:50,575
I'd carry on as you are.
295
00:22:50,576 --> 00:22:55,736
It's a bit sort of something that Obama would say.
Something that it's quite sort of positive.
296
00:22:56,816 --> 00:22:59,335
- Join the queue?
- Yes. The queue.
297
00:22:59,856 --> 00:23:02,015
Staying young? Stay in person, yeah?
298
00:23:17,216 --> 00:23:21,296
It's all about keeping happy.
If they feel down, have a dance.
299
00:23:21,297 --> 00:23:25,496
And that's true, ain't it? If you can
get you heart going, it does make you happier.
300
00:23:26,056 --> 00:23:28,976
And I get my heart going,
by moaning.
301
00:23:28,977 --> 00:23:33,417
When I get annoyed,
that's when my heart kicks in.
302
00:23:34,417 --> 00:23:35,936
It's a win-win for me.
303
00:23:35,976 --> 00:23:38,896
For my heart gets going,
when I'm having a moan
304
00:23:38,937 --> 00:23:42,297
and that makes me feel a bit better.
And if I'm happy, I'm happy.
305
00:23:50,417 --> 00:23:52,257
I'm happy now.
306
00:23:52,257 --> 00:23:53,937
No more dancing. I'm happy.
307
00:23:54,257 --> 00:23:55,776
Over the moon.
308
00:23:57,658 --> 00:23:59,977
That was all a bit full.
309
00:24:00,977 --> 00:24:02,497
I still don't know what's going on.
310
00:24:02,498 --> 00:24:04,857
If I have been signed up to
replace Prince Philip or what.
311
00:24:04,857 --> 00:24:07,738
But they all seem happy.
So that's fine.
312
00:24:07,738 --> 00:24:11,177
And now Albi wants to take me
down the road to the local volcano.
313
00:24:11,178 --> 00:24:15,218
That he also worships.
What can you do?
314
00:24:15,937 --> 00:24:17,576
How high up are we going?
315
00:24:17,577 --> 00:24:21,777
I've always thought it would be handy
having a volcano close to hand.
316
00:24:21,778 --> 00:24:26,017
Just to get rid of old mattresses and
old Chester drawers you don't want.
317
00:24:26,018 --> 00:24:29,298
It's a pain in the ass, at home, when
you've got to call the council 25 quid a time.
318
00:24:29,338 --> 00:24:31,098
Chuck it in that big hole.
I'd love that at home.
319
00:24:31,098 --> 00:24:33,978
Some sort of big burning hole,
and just chuck stuff in.
320
00:24:35,058 --> 00:24:38,097
Is it good luck, to throw anything in?
321
00:24:40,299 --> 00:24:41,578
You're not allowed?
322
00:24:41,579 --> 00:24:43,279
We're not allowed to thrown in anything.
323
00:24:44,130 --> 00:24:45,830
What's the point of having it then?
324
00:24:47,738 --> 00:24:49,258
Fucking hell!
325
00:25:06,634 --> 00:25:09,058
But I was happy with it down there.
326
00:25:09,058 --> 00:25:13,058
That was fine. Now we're ass-boarding.
I've never heard of ass-boarding.
327
00:25:17,139 --> 00:25:21,379
You're the last people I'd think who wanna do this.
You're gonna get a load of ash up your ass.
328
00:25:21,379 --> 00:25:23,537
You have the wrong pants on.
329
00:25:24,618 --> 00:25:26,618
So what do you hold on to?
330
00:25:27,899 --> 00:25:30,859
He's just let go,
without telling me what you do.
331
00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:34,098
This not. It's broke.
332
00:25:35,339 --> 00:25:39,819
Albi, can I borrow your sled?
This is knackered.
333
00:25:41,139 --> 00:25:44,178
It's not gliding, though, is it?
334
00:25:48,540 --> 00:25:51,500
I look like a dog
wiping his ass.
335
00:25:59,739 --> 00:26:03,660
So I'm good at it.
Made this stuff making work for me.
336
00:26:03,660 --> 00:26:07,499
Works a lot better. And that's just
what I'll do on my desert island.
337
00:26:07,621 --> 00:26:10,859
Find stuff making work for me.
338
00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:12,732
He's loving it.
339
00:26:12,767 --> 00:26:14,147
Did you say he was the happiest
or the maddest man on the island?
340
00:26:16,147 --> 00:26:17,348
He's loving it.
341
00:26:17,780 --> 00:26:21,579
Have you ever done the thing
when you roll down the hill?
342
00:26:22,621 --> 00:26:25,740
Let's share some fun.
Let's have a roll.
343
00:26:30,181 --> 00:26:35,620
I'd say:
Happiness is like having a cake.
344
00:26:35,621 --> 00:26:39,820
If you have a cake everyday,
you get sick of that cake.
345
00:26:39,820 --> 00:26:42,940
And if you're happy all the time,
you get sick of being happy.
346
00:26:42,941 --> 00:26:46,261
That's a good saying, actually.
347
00:26:46,261 --> 00:26:50,661
Happiness is like a cake.
Have too much of it, you get sick of it.
348
00:27:12,141 --> 00:27:16,741
I do not know why we're messing
around so much, me and all this tribes.
349
00:27:16,742 --> 00:27:18,982
I've met one. I've met a tribe.
350
00:27:18,982 --> 00:27:20,541
They'd better be different.
351
00:27:20,541 --> 00:27:25,101
If I get on there and there's a bloke
with his knob in some wicker.
352
00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:27,701
I'll be annoyed
because I've seen that.
353
00:27:28,221 --> 00:27:32,060
Is this man "Friday",
I'm meeting there?
354
00:27:32,061 --> 00:27:34,301
He is one of the chief's sons.
355
00:27:34,302 --> 00:27:36,902
- This is the chief.
- Chief.
356
00:27:39,181 --> 00:27:40,664
Which language do you speak?
357
00:27:54,222 --> 00:27:54,666
Naho.
358
00:27:58,167 --> 00:27:59,167
It's all with N?
359
00:28:00,743 --> 00:28:01,743
Everything begins with N?
360
00:28:03,862 --> 00:28:05,422
What's that?
361
00:28:16,263 --> 00:28:18,623
Don't you run out of options?
362
00:28:18,623 --> 00:28:22,422
Do your kids play,
have you heard the game "I spy?"
363
00:28:22,423 --> 00:28:23,663
Yes.
364
00:28:23,663 --> 00:28:28,342
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with N.
365
00:28:28,343 --> 00:28:32,823
They can't play that here.
There's no way they'd play it, that'd be well boring.
366
00:28:32,823 --> 00:28:34,982
They'll be there all day.
367
00:28:40,343 --> 00:28:41,744
This is where people are lying?
368
00:28:43,783 --> 00:28:45,942
Bloody hell...
369
00:28:45,943 --> 00:28:47,263
Jesus!
370
00:28:47,263 --> 00:28:47,963
Human?
371
00:28:50,583 --> 00:28:50,977
What's her name?
372
00:28:53,178 --> 00:28:54,678
- Nicola?
- Yes.
373
00:29:06,383 --> 00:29:07,983
It's making kava.
374
00:29:07,984 --> 00:29:12,584
They take some sort of root, chop it off,
pop into that thing, crush it all.
375
00:29:12,705 --> 00:29:15,705
Add a bit of water.
It's all we're gonna be drinking.
376
00:29:15,882 --> 00:29:19,184
I'm a bit worried about.
Because everyone is sticking their hands in it.
377
00:29:19,225 --> 00:29:22,423
You look at this and you go:
"It looks different."
378
00:29:22,423 --> 00:29:27,463
All a bit weird. The pants they're wearing.
But at the end of the day, everyone loves a drink, don't they?
379
00:29:27,464 --> 00:29:30,504
I couldn't, to be honest, I don't think.
380
00:29:31,064 --> 00:29:33,305
Doing this everyday.
381
00:29:34,785 --> 00:29:38,665
It worries me,
if tomorrow I wake up
382
00:29:38,665 --> 00:29:42,113
and they're going, "You're a good sport,
you drank the kava, you had the pork, "
383
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:44,465
"Pop a pair of pants on."
I'm not wearing them pants.
384
00:29:44,466 --> 00:29:47,385
I know Ricky kept going on
about pants.
385
00:29:48,544 --> 00:29:51,865
But I don't know what the rules are.
What happens if they say "pop these on".
386
00:29:51,865 --> 00:29:56,104
"These are a pair of the chief's.
It's a real privilege."
387
00:29:56,105 --> 00:30:02,624
I'm not putting on,
warm pants.
388
00:30:30,946 --> 00:30:32,665
I don't know what's happening today.
389
00:30:32,665 --> 00:30:37,066
The chief's son apparently is
gonna be going on the desert island with me.
390
00:30:37,066 --> 00:30:42,586
But before he does that,
I have got to give him this gift. A pig.
391
00:30:42,586 --> 00:30:45,185
Great, ain't it?
I've never met him before.
392
00:30:45,186 --> 00:30:47,506
You think a box of chocolates
or bunch of grapes would be enough,
393
00:30:47,506 --> 00:30:50,545
Well, I've got to give them a pig.
Some sort of tradition.
394
00:30:50,666 --> 00:30:53,466
So I give you the pig
and you give me this.
395
00:30:54,426 --> 00:30:56,504
Bar term.
396
00:30:57,866 --> 00:31:01,266
That pig makes you
an honorary tribe member.
397
00:31:01,267 --> 00:31:09,107
And this morning, the tribe would like to
honour your presence by presenting you with own Nambas,
398
00:31:09,107 --> 00:31:10,866
a native-pants.
399
00:31:12,747 --> 00:31:15,186
I'm not doing that.
400
00:31:18,628 --> 00:31:21,747
I'm not to worry about that.
401
00:31:21,747 --> 00:31:24,107
Don't trouble yourself.
I'm quite happy.
402
00:31:24,107 --> 00:31:30,307
You'me made me welcome, I stayed the night,
gave me kava. You don't have to give me anymore.
403
00:31:37,710 --> 00:31:43,627
I tried to fit in,
but this is a bit of a big ask for me.
404
00:31:43,628 --> 00:31:49,427
I just thought I was coming to learn some skills.
The pants are not an issue for me.
405
00:31:49,427 --> 00:31:53,067
I've got lots of underwear
whilst I'm on the desert island.
406
00:31:53,068 --> 00:31:57,187
- It's getting a little...
- I know it is, yeah. It is awkward.
407
00:32:01,428 --> 00:32:05,067
They're adding a bit more now.
It's pop the pants on, then have a dance.
408
00:32:05,068 --> 00:32:06,587
And that's when the things pop out...
409
00:32:06,587 --> 00:32:10,027
I've brought him a pig!
They should be well happy with that.
410
00:32:10,028 --> 00:32:13,708
Why would they want to see me dancing about,
in some leaf pants?
411
00:32:13,708 --> 00:32:17,307
That's gonna be out there on Youtube,
forever, me walking around with my knob out, like that.
412
00:32:17,308 --> 00:32:20,948
This is normal for you,
but for me this will go on the TV.
413
00:32:20,949 --> 00:32:24,349
And my mom and me dad are:
"What's Karl been up to?"
414
00:32:24,349 --> 00:32:27,268
I'm dancing around with stuff on the show.
415
00:32:27,348 --> 00:32:29,348
It's all there to see, ain't it?
416
00:32:29,349 --> 00:32:33,388
If it was a Christmas present, you wouldn't
be getting any surprises. "I know what that is."
417
00:32:33,428 --> 00:32:39,227
I've seen other Nambas, and
there's lots of grass, lots of cover.
418
00:32:40,349 --> 00:32:42,628
Yours is slightly different.
419
00:32:42,989 --> 00:32:46,869
When I sat in there, last night,
in the hut and I was looking out, I thought:
420
00:32:46,869 --> 00:32:51,429
"Quite fancy, some sort of sushi." That's what is looks like.
A bit of wrapped up cod in a leaf.
421
00:32:51,429 --> 00:32:53,228
I'm not wearing it.
422
00:32:57,029 --> 00:32:59,187
- Yes, that's good.
- Yes.
423
00:32:59,188 --> 00:33:02,868
- Exactly. And I can leave my...
- Yes.
424
00:33:10,510 --> 00:33:14,469
It wouldn't have been much better
if it had gone the other way.
425
00:33:14,469 --> 00:33:17,269
It's a loose-loose.
426
00:33:53,271 --> 00:33:55,909
John is gonna teach me
everything I need to know,
427
00:33:55,910 --> 00:33:58,470
- How do I use this? How to I build?
- Yes.
428
00:33:58,631 --> 00:34:01,909
- Fish cook? Everything.
- Yes.
429
00:34:01,910 --> 00:34:06,411
John. Hello, John. Good to see you.
430
00:34:06,990 --> 00:34:09,351
Alright then.
431
00:34:14,911 --> 00:34:16,750
This is for shelter?
432
00:34:17,630 --> 00:34:21,910
I don't know. I don't mean there's everything
you might need on the island, Karl.
433
00:34:21,911 --> 00:34:27,390
He's here to teach you what you need to know.
Surely you should be getting involved to it.
434
00:34:27,391 --> 00:34:31,951
I think I'm that type
when I need to do something, I can do it.
435
00:34:31,951 --> 00:34:35,790
I don't have to... Jesus!
436
00:34:38,472 --> 00:34:40,311
Sting wouldn't be happy, would him?
437
00:34:42,191 --> 00:34:44,392
How big is this hut gonna be?
438
00:34:46,191 --> 00:34:48,110
- Are you coming to the beach?
- Yes.
439
00:34:48,111 --> 00:34:52,951
See that over there,
that would be your desert island, mate.
440
00:34:55,192 --> 00:34:57,751
Not as big as I thought.
441
00:34:58,391 --> 00:35:03,071
I was picturing that Bounty advert.
A big con to get under.
442
00:35:06,592 --> 00:35:09,711
It's pissing down,
I'm on my way over to a muffin.
443
00:35:09,712 --> 00:35:12,951
It's not even that far away.
I'm hardly escaping everyone, am I?
444
00:35:12,952 --> 00:35:15,992
I thought it was gonna be like in the middle of nowhere.
Peace and quiet.
445
00:35:18,312 --> 00:35:20,312
Fucking freezing.
446
00:35:22,673 --> 00:35:23,952
Come on, John.
447
00:35:32,033 --> 00:35:35,513
It's just a bad start.
It's like moving on a rainy day.
448
00:35:35,553 --> 00:35:38,912
You're getting all stuff wet.
449
00:35:40,112 --> 00:35:42,232
It's all bloody rock.
450
00:35:42,872 --> 00:35:46,352
I haven't started yet, the
leaves are all damaged.
451
00:35:46,953 --> 00:35:48,872
I've got trying to get this done.
452
00:35:49,513 --> 00:35:50,714
Here!
453
00:35:50,953 --> 00:35:56,553
It is ideal.
A little bit of shelter from the wind.
454
00:35:56,873 --> 00:35:59,113
In that little hole.
455
00:36:03,274 --> 00:36:05,073
Tie it?
456
00:36:05,673 --> 00:36:07,273
I've got some string.
457
00:36:07,274 --> 00:36:07,974
John?
458
00:36:09,033 --> 00:36:11,273
Yeah, use the string.
Let's just get it done.
459
00:36:11,273 --> 00:36:14,193
It's fine.
More rocks for around the bottom.
460
00:36:16,634 --> 00:36:19,753
Yeah, use that.
Let's get the roof up.
461
00:36:21,273 --> 00:36:26,032
I honestly think people at home won't think
I'm in the South Pacific.
462
00:36:26,073 --> 00:36:27,354
It's cronic.
463
00:36:27,474 --> 00:36:30,593
Shouldn't be making a shelter,
should be building an ark!
464
00:36:30,593 --> 00:36:32,354
Should have brought more of this.
465
00:36:32,355 --> 00:36:35,033
I never thought I'd
be running out of gaffer here.
466
00:36:35,033 --> 00:36:37,753
This wasn't what I expected, was it?
467
00:36:37,754 --> 00:36:41,552
I think, at the end of the day,
as I am inside, I will change the rules a little bit.
468
00:36:41,553 --> 00:36:44,793
Putting my coat in a minute,
because this isn't doing anything.
469
00:36:44,794 --> 00:36:48,314
In fact, I think the skirt is growing,
with that much rain.
470
00:36:50,314 --> 00:36:53,634
- I'm not sure Ricky will be happy about this, Karl.
- I don't give a shit.
471
00:36:54,114 --> 00:36:57,113
There's no way he would be putting me up to this.
472
00:36:57,874 --> 00:37:02,874
- It's all ruining the look, isn't it?
- It was hardly a great look, was it?
473
00:37:04,315 --> 00:37:06,515
♪
474
00:37:07,075 --> 00:37:10,314
Pop it over your head.
Keep warm.
475
00:37:11,834 --> 00:37:12,833
Down there.
476
00:37:15,114 --> 00:37:16,914
Put the leaves on.
477
00:37:24,275 --> 00:37:27,154
- What's going on with the fishing?
- There isn't any.
478
00:37:27,154 --> 00:37:29,314
There's none knocking about.
479
00:37:29,315 --> 00:37:30,155
Nothing.
480
00:37:31,075 --> 00:37:32,673
Nothing here.
481
00:37:33,315 --> 00:37:35,795
It's been me and John sat here all day.
482
00:37:36,435 --> 00:37:40,075
Built this, which I think is pretty good going,
considering it can piss me down.
483
00:37:40,076 --> 00:37:43,515
You swamed up over there, fucking filling your big fat faces.
484
00:37:44,636 --> 00:37:48,754
And I thought,
you'd come back with something.
485
00:37:52,036 --> 00:37:54,754
It's not lighting.
It's wet.
486
00:37:58,915 --> 00:38:02,075
He'd survive here on that situation.
But I'm not made for this.
487
00:38:10,156 --> 00:38:11,157
Hi, John.
488
00:38:16,787 --> 00:38:17,787
You're leaving?
489
00:38:19,787 --> 00:38:20,587
Taro?
490
00:38:22,588 --> 00:38:23,388
How long?
491
00:38:25,588 --> 00:38:27,276
Thanks again, John.
492
00:38:29,156 --> 00:38:32,995
So basically, I'm eating that
sort of raw potato for tonight.
493
00:38:35,636 --> 00:38:38,298
Ricky gave us something for
when John left.
494
00:38:38,334 --> 00:38:42,877
In case you were unable
to sort of, deal with your own company.
495
00:38:43,637 --> 00:38:46,597
He thought maybe you'd like
a little friend.
496
00:38:47,877 --> 00:38:49,196
Where's the hole?
497
00:38:54,237 --> 00:38:56,236
That's all he gave me, is it?
498
00:38:56,716 --> 00:38:57,837
That...
499
00:38:58,837 --> 00:39:02,957
What's to do with that?
What's the point of that?
500
00:39:04,837 --> 00:39:07,637
Look at it!
501
00:39:10,077 --> 00:39:12,398
Just gonna wind me up, that.
502
00:39:13,998 --> 00:39:15,397
This is handy.
503
00:39:19,157 --> 00:39:22,997
When I was in the hotel, that nice
hotel that Ricky and Steve put me in,
504
00:39:22,998 --> 00:39:26,236
I took this, because when I
I opened the kitchen cupboard, made me smile.
505
00:39:27,477 --> 00:39:30,237
"Eggs on legs."
Is an egg cup.
506
00:39:30,238 --> 00:39:32,998
I've had that out three times,
from inside with me facing down rain.
507
00:39:32,998 --> 00:39:34,318
It annoys me now.
508
00:39:34,318 --> 00:39:37,397
And that's the thing with hapiness.
You can't just ask for it on demand.
509
00:39:37,398 --> 00:39:39,718
And what might seem like a
good idea one day,
510
00:39:39,718 --> 00:39:41,877
when it happens, it's shit.
511
00:39:41,958 --> 00:39:43,438
Like this egg cup.
512
00:39:43,959 --> 00:39:46,838
It was good the other day.
I was relaxed, I was full.
513
00:39:46,838 --> 00:39:49,159
I wasn't cold.
I wasn't pissed wet through.
514
00:40:00,159 --> 00:40:01,757
I'm starving.
515
00:40:06,519 --> 00:40:08,878
Getting wet all the time.
I hate getting wet.
516
00:40:08,878 --> 00:40:13,438
Wet socks is one of
my biggest hates.
517
00:40:14,839 --> 00:40:17,759
- You haven't got any on.
- I know because they got wet.
518
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,239
It just like nothing, this.
519
00:40:34,958 --> 00:40:38,558
Sort of a cross between wood and cardboard.
520
00:40:42,119 --> 00:40:45,599
Desert Island.
Did it. Done.
521
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:54,279
It wasn't that easy.
It was hardly a beach. There was no sand.
522
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,640
It was all rocky. Sharp stuff.
I had to sleep on it.
523
00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:59,519
Getting on my ass
and my kidneys...
524
00:40:59,599 --> 00:41:03,079
Pissed in the lung.
Wasn't the comfiest night in my life.
525
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:07,240
I sat dazzling at a crossword.
526
00:41:07,240 --> 00:41:10,639
"What is the American version
of a prawn?" Which is shrimp.
527
00:41:10,639 --> 00:41:14,159
Now I've relaxed, I know the answer.
At the time I was struggling.
528
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:30,840
Yes, but that's what I like that, yeah.
I like sort of being older. I'm looking forward to that.
529
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,400
What use was that on
a desert island?
530
00:41:50,881 --> 00:41:54,801
You with the Nambas on.
This thing is a nightmare, it's that.
531
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:56,480
Jesus.
532
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,240
Little bounty...
533
00:42:01,521 --> 00:42:02,520
Alright, see you.
534
00:42:11,881 --> 00:42:15,841
Ricky did say,
he want it back, the foot ball back.
535
00:42:16,602 --> 00:42:20,761
I've 36 hours on a plane, to get back home.
And I'm carrying that as hand luggage.
536
00:42:20,761 --> 00:42:23,681
A little reminder...
That little annoying face.
537
00:42:23,681 --> 00:42:25,441
He's not getting it.
538
00:42:38,401 --> 00:42:41,681
When you finally get to do
the thing that you want,
539
00:42:41,682 --> 00:42:43,521
you realise, it's not the
thing you want.
540
00:42:43,762 --> 00:42:46,602
The problem is,
it's someone else's list.
541
00:42:46,962 --> 00:42:49,682
I've got into, like a pick-a-mix,
and I've picked
542
00:42:49,683 --> 00:42:52,682
the things that I've picked,
because that's what's there.
543
00:42:52,682 --> 00:42:55,442
I might have gone in one liquorish,
but they've got any.
544
00:42:55,442 --> 00:42:57,401
So I had any of the colder cubes.
545
00:43:02,082 --> 00:43:06,242
Typical, ain't it?
The day I'm leaving, the sun comes out.
546
00:43:07,643 --> 00:43:09,442
It's the Pilkington Luck...