1 00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:05,599 NARRATOR: Marco Polo, one of the world's greatest explorers. 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:10,117 In the 13th century, he embarked on an epic journey from Venice to China 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,668 that took over three years to complete. 4 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:16,116 Now Ricky Gervais is sending his mate Karl Pilkington 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,191 to follow in his footsteps. 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,033 But this time he's got a little company. 7 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,996 Will you stop just puffing and panting like that? 8 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:32,437 KARL: Jesus Christ! It's like a Primark sale. 9 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,557 He said if he did it again, he'd want some company this time. 10 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:38,632 He meant me, but I've sent someone in my place. 11 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,756 KARL: Grab hold of that. WARWICK: I can't see. 12 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,957 RICKY: They are like chalk and cheese. Karl whinges all the time. 13 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,349 He's doing me head in. He's treating it like a holiday. 14 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,353 RICKY: He says he doesn't want adventure. He doesn't want stress. 15 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:50,589 I'm just not a good swimmer. 16 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,079 Once you're in, it'll be fine. 17 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,311 Warwick never says no. He'll take on a challenge. 18 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:56,799 Tease the camera, tease the camera! 19 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,030 Now do a little bit from Oliver! Good. 20 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,033 It's not the night for this, is it? 21 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,590 - I never had a kite. - Whoa! 22 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,796 RICKY: They're gonna have the adventure of their lifetime. 23 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,075 Whether they like it or not. 24 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,188 KARL: Whoa. 25 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,636 NARRATOR: Previously on An Idiot Abroad... 26 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:21,798 I've never seen a dwarf 27 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,519 go on a round-the-world trip on any programme. 28 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,160 Ranulph Fiennes, or whatever his name is, when he climbed Everest, 29 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:28,719 he didn't say, "Here's me little mate I brought." 30 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,870 Karl, what's his height got to do with it? 31 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:31,995 Yeah. 32 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,798 I just think you're going to be a hindrance. 33 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,552 WARWICK: Yeah, but I'm trying to open your mind 34 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:37,198 and open your eyes a bit to appreciate 35 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,555 - where we are and what we're doing. - Fuck me! 36 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:43,633 Warwick's an actor. That's what he does. Who is the real Warwick? 37 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,110 He's doing me head in. It's exactly what I said to you at the start. 38 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,080 - There's nothing here. - KARL: There's nothing wrong with this. 39 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,515 Of all the people to be moaning about being in a tight space, 40 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:53,715 you're not the one. 41 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,437 This is your idea to come to the party. You go in there. 42 00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:59,078 - Relax. - KARL: I am relaxed. 43 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,720 - This is good. Touch it, touch it. - No, I've had enough now. 44 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,552 - KARL: I nearly died! - You're fine. 45 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,710 I think you need to find yourself, Karl. 46 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,234 Nah. Songs of Praise on a Sunday. It's well boring. 47 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:15,788 I don't want to see the old people dancing around to the Lord's prayer 48 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,154 sticking knives in their head. 49 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,629 - WARWICK: Get me down. - (LAUGHING) 50 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,638 - Keep hold of that rope. - (RICKY ON PHONE) 51 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,274 If you offered me a cat now I'd do a swap. 52 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,790 (RICKY LAUGHING) 53 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,309 (BEEPS) 54 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,556 (RICKY ON PHONE) 55 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,511 WARWICK: I just love the atmosphere already. 56 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,558 You can feel it. You can feel the energy, can't you? 57 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,352 - I'm excited to see the hotel. - You have no idea, have you? 58 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,716 You won't even see the hotel. Last time I was here I saw more backs 59 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,394 of toilet doors than I've ever seen in me life. 60 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,914 You sort of want graffiti for something to read. 61 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,560 I don't intend on using any toilets while we are out and about. 62 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,756 - (KARL LAUGHS) - Do everything in the hotel. 63 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,479 - Done for the day. - No, no control of your arse. 64 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,872 The moment you land in India that is it, your arse has got a mind of its own. 65 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,076 It just comes with it, it comes with every meal. 66 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:40,551 You have a starter, main course, pudding, shits. 67 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,074 WARWICK: This is lovely, our own palace. 68 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,196 KARL: It's not bad, is it? 69 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:55,877 WARWICK: Oh, it's gorgeous, just look at that view. It's stunning. 70 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,633 It's sort of what I expected, I think, at the moment. It's full of life, 71 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:03,157 you know, there's a certain energy you get here and, yeah, I'm enjoying it. 72 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,154 - Has Warwick got that view? - DIRECTOR: What view? 73 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,630 This view. Has Warwick got that? Look at it. 74 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,235 It's like they've seen you coming with all your camera kit 75 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,276 and they think Antiques Roadshow is here or something. 76 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,397 There's no reason for all this to be left out here. 77 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,710 It sums up India for me, that. 78 00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:23,669 That's probably why they put those domes on the Taj Mahal, innit, 79 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,716 to stop people putting shit on his roof. 80 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,833 DIRECTOR: Do you know what you're doing with Karl then? 81 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,673 Oh, I've been having a look through the books. 82 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:42,029 Something caught my eye which was quite cool. Um, Laughter Yoga. 83 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,076 (ALL LAUGHING) 84 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,556 And it's actually been proven to cure depression 85 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,393 and sort of lighten the spirit and the mood. 86 00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:00,633 I'm hoping that Karl's gonna get involved and have a go at this. 87 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,395 And we may well see a difference in him 88 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,277 over the few days following. 89 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,278 KARL: It's not a place that I think about coming for a good laugh. 90 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:14,759 You don't see many "laughy" faces. 91 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,831 And there should be with what you're wearing. 92 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,480 - It's my yoga pants. - You're like a fucking Oompa Loompa. 93 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:20,595 (WARWICK CHUCKLES) 94 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,628 Even though I was laughing it wasn't a genuine laugh. 95 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,633 It was more of a release of stress. 96 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,669 At the annoyance of Warwick, in a way, just given a chance to sort of yell out. 97 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,069 It's more of a yell. Far from a laugh. 98 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,875 - DIRECTOR: What makes you laugh? - I saw a woman walking down the street 99 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,109 with a pram and the baby fell out. 100 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,953 No, it was quite old, it must have been about three or four or something. 101 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,272 And she was busy on the phone with a fag on, greasy hair, leggings 102 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:20,509 and she didn't notice. 103 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,955 She sort of hit the kerb and it fell out and it made me laugh 104 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:24,268 and no one else saw it. 105 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,476 So it was like a little private joke just for me. 106 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,634 That's the problem with the world these days. You're not allowed to laugh 107 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,756 at things that you shouldn't really laugh at. 108 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:46,149 And that's why this is important. We'll be doing this at home. 109 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,958 'Cause there's nothing you're allowed to laugh at any more. 110 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,439 (CROWING) 111 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:53,835 Laughing's dying out. 112 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,354 Crying, everybody's at it. On X- Factor. 113 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,798 Nick Knowles doing DIYSOS, they give some fellow in a wheelchair 114 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,518 a new kitchen, everyone's at it. 115 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,716 It's like evolution. 116 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,189 We're not laughing any more, not like we used to. 117 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,959 Definitely not like that. 118 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,951 When do you see old people laughing at home like that? 119 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,477 It's a different side to India that I saw last time I was here. 120 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,790 There was no laughing going on there. 121 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,917 And that's a little bit of a niggle, that he's having quite a nice time. 122 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,355 But I just think you need to find some shitty things for him as well, 123 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:30,634 just to give him a taste of that. 124 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,233 And then let's do some laughing yoga there. 125 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,790 You know what I mean, when he's shitting his pants. 126 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,075 Let's have a laugh, Warwick. Ho, ho, ha, ha, ha. 127 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:39,593 Let's see him laugh then. 128 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,352 Let's see how much this works, 129 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,512 in a toilet with no toilet roll, no toilet seat, no toilet sometimes, 130 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,397 just a hole. That's what I wanna see. 131 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,515 - (SPEAKING IN HINDl) - Ready? Smile. 132 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,231 Do it again, do it again, he was still taking it. 133 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,519 (PHONE BEEPS) 134 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,472 (RICKY ON PHONE) 135 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:27,271 It's an honour I think, really, isn't it, to be invited to do that. 136 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,238 I don't know how many western people get to do that. 137 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,072 I mean, I don't know whether they've gone for me because, 138 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,435 you know, the name Warwick Davis to have in a film 139 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,351 is quite cool as well. I don't know. 140 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,872 There's more to acting than people think, 141 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,110 and I think Karl's under some illusion 142 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,158 that what I do is really easy and it's just dressing up 143 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,710 and dancing around as silly characters, which it isn't. 144 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,598 We're here for some rehearsals, thank you very much. 145 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,229 Just stick with me and be enthusiastic, okay? 146 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,118 - Well, what are we gonna do? - New step, new songs. 147 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,315 - New song? - For a new movie. 148 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:08,918 I'll show you the steps. One, two, three, start. One, two, three, four. 149 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,116 One, two, three, four... 150 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,556 Okay, you just do one thing, you follow me. 151 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:15,675 I am. 152 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,673 One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. 153 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,718 You're just missing two or three beats. 154 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,394 From the start. One, two, three, start. 155 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:29,553 One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. 156 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,313 - One, two, three, four. - Very good, very nice. 157 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,277 Thank you very much. I know what you're doing wrong. 158 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,555 You're not doing that as one beat. 159 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:40,952 - So it's one, two, three, four. - One, two, three, four. 160 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,274 Yeah, but it's left hand though. 161 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:46,194 One, two, three, four. One, two. One, two. 162 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:50,558 - One, two, three, four, five, six. - You're a bit stiff. 163 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,710 Just loosen up your body, a bit. 164 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,075 If I wasn't following you I can loosen it. 165 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,991 - I'm really good. - (LAUGHS) 166 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,310 But I don't want you to loosen it without the beats. 167 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,790 Loosen up and be in the beats. You have to do exactly the same step. 168 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,110 KARL: If everyone's doing the same dance, just have one person. 169 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,395 WOMAN: Next. KARL: There's no point. 170 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,311 DIRECTOR: No, it's about being all en masse... 171 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,914 No, but why not just have everyone having a good time? 172 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,309 Doing what they want. The music's there. 173 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,152 At the end of the day, the audience is gonna be looking at that. 174 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,196 I wish I could just come out when they're all doing that, 175 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,032 then I come out and do something different. 176 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,032 Give some energy and just sneak off again like that. 177 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,439 (SPEAKING HINDl) 178 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,956 Dance is meant to be about, you know, expression. 179 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,350 I get something different from the music than what Warwick gets. 180 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,750 There's no way that I'm having it that Warwick's a better dancer than me. 181 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,718 No way. Not in this world. 182 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,159 I mean, look at that. 183 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,038 - Did you see that there? - DIRECTOR: Yeah. 184 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,554 WOMAN: Ah, yes, yes, yes. 185 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,473 KARL: I don't care who you are, 186 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:51,629 you wouldn't remember that 187 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,188 in the amount of time we had to learn it. 188 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:57,078 If it's Ted Danson or Bruce Willis, they'd struggle 189 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,230 to do what I've had to take in. 190 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:02,039 WARWICK: Sometimes that's what it's like when you're in this business, 191 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,235 is you have to sort of... 192 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,788 KARL: What do you mean "this business", you're not a singer and dancer... 193 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,393 WARWICK: No, no, but show business in general. 194 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,993 It's like the show must go on, 195 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,640 whatever happens you got to get out there and deliver, 196 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:14,712 and it's sort of not about going, "Oh, I can't today." 197 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,473 KARL: It's going to look like the early stages of Britain's Got Talent 198 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,834 - or something. - (WARWICK LAUGHS) 199 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,275 Innit? Proper shit. 200 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:33,793 WARWICK: When we do this Bollywood thing 201 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,757 just let me sort of take the lead on that, okay? 202 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:36,875 Yeah, will do. 203 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,030 'Cause, you know, I've had experience with acting. 204 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,712 Oh, here we go. 205 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,074 What you mean, "Here we go?" 206 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,435 It's you and your acting stuff again. 207 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,318 Karl, if we go somewhere where I feel it's your arena, 208 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,391 then of course I would take your lead on it. 209 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,391 I would love to get you in your little bear outfit 210 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,790 on a day like this. Sweating your bollocks off. 211 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,836 WARWICK: Just stop banging on about the bear, right? 212 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,559 Star Wars was a film I did 30 years ago, 213 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,473 and it started my career. Without it I wouldn't have a career. 214 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:04,869 I mean, I'm remembered for playing an Ewok, 215 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,188 but I'm remembered for a lot more. 216 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,236 But all you see me as is a bear. 217 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,878 All right, an Ewok. 218 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,315 That to me is a bear because Ewoks don't exist. 219 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,960 That's in the sci-fi fantasy world again. 220 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,793 It's just made-up shit. Do you like Harry Potter? 221 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,279 - It's the same thing. - Of course I do. 222 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,874 - I was in all eight of them. - Were you? There you go... 223 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,473 I haven't seen that either. 224 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,349 (PEOPLE CHATTERING IN HINDl) 225 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,953 (MAN SPEAKING) 226 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,637 - In Hollywood? - Yeah. 227 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,995 I haven't been doing anything in Hollywood, recently. 228 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:43,433 Okay. 229 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,191 - You've not been to Hollywood. - I've been to Hollywood, yeah. 230 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:47,315 - Hollywood? - Yes, I have. 231 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,630 You haven't been to Hollywood. 232 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,034 Yeah, what about you, Karl? 233 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,759 I'm more of an explorer than an actor. 234 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,354 (MAN SPEAKING) 235 00:12:58,440 --> 00:12:59,589 WARWICK: Thank you. 236 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,119 (MAN SPEAKING) 237 00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:05,193 WARWICK: Uh-huh. 238 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:09,795 Okay. 239 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,116 Right, your right-hand man, yeah, yeah. 240 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,553 DIRECTOR: I think that's your outfit, Karl. 241 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,392 KARL: So what's me part? 242 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:28,439 DIRECTOR: In the dance scene you're kind of like a henchman 243 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,397 for the main gangster. 244 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,509 A gangster wouldn't wear that. Again, not believable. 245 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,351 It's like fucking John Inman. 246 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,838 This was all going quite well, okay. 247 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:46,436 That with that and that... 248 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,029 What's going on here? 249 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,237 They literally took a pair of trousers and they just chopped the ends off. 250 00:13:58,320 --> 00:13:59,673 (MUTTERS) Gangster! 251 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,352 That's just wrong. 252 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,553 So that's what you do with this? 253 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,198 DIRECTOR: It's like a... Yeah. 254 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,039 Honestly, is this... 255 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,269 No gangster's dressing like this. 256 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,515 - What does this look mean? - Very handsome. 257 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,319 Dancing. 258 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,119 Yeah? 259 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,360 - Are you making this up? - Yes. 260 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,632 See, if I could just dance me own way. 261 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,394 MAN: Yes, yes. 262 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:46,639 Yes, yes. 263 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,229 (MAN SPEAKING HINDl) 264 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,548 Do. 265 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:56,553 MAN 1: Sir, this also very nice. MAN 2: Very nice. Lovely. 266 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:57,834 Okay, okay. 267 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,519 Very nice, this one... 268 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,678 MAN 1: Oh! Yes! Come on! MAN 2: Yes! 269 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,998 Am I a gangster or some sort of rent boy? 270 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,992 Why have I got bruises and wearing an outfit like this? 271 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,428 I reckon you're gay. I reckon we're both gay. 272 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,239 I think that's something that we haven't been told. 273 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,039 I reckon we're both gay and that's why we're angry. 274 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:35,951 Because we're part of a gang thing 275 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,996 and we're not allowed to tell anyone that we're gay. 276 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,679 Hello. 277 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,069 - Hi! - Warwick Davis. Nice to meet you. 278 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,912 Shilpa. How are you? 279 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,832 Hi, Karl. Great to see you, Karl. 280 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,638 - He's a very inexperienced guy. - Good to see you. 281 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:56,156 This is your moment now. Remember the face, sell it, sell it. 282 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,798 MAN: Sound! Roll camera! 283 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,393 (MUSIC PLAYING) 284 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:05,999 Good. 285 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:07,709 MAN: Very good. 286 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,119 (LAUGHING) 287 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,836 Do that bit from Oliver. 288 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,314 - See, that's good. - What else? 289 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:18,628 Body-popping. Go for it. 290 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,593 Bend. Now tease them, tease the camera, tease the camera. 291 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,399 Oh, yes! Here she is. 292 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,199 Flirt. Flirt with her. Flirt. Yeah. 293 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,548 This is Jungle Raj. 294 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,676 (MAN SPEAKING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE) 295 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,951 (SONG PLAYING) 296 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,390 (SPEAKING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE) 297 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,508 Scotland Yard? (SPEAKING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE) 298 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,519 (SONG PLAYING) 299 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,116 (SPEAKING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE) 300 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,759 (SONG PLAYING) 301 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,836 (MAN SPEAKING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE) 302 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:38,913 What are you going to do about Carli's arrest? 303 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,150 - WARWICK: Yeah, yeah. Do something. - No comments. 304 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:42,798 - Sir, sir! - Yeah, never any comments, is it? 305 00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,997 I wasn't happy with that other take though, I was not happy. 306 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,195 Well, if he's happy. 307 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,396 I'd have liked to have done another one to be honest. 308 00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,794 WARWICK: It was chaotic, Karl. 309 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,633 KARL: Yeah, but it was... That's what I like, the freedom 310 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,233 to just sort of mix it up. 311 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,673 WARWICK: It wasn't very professional, was it? 312 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,910 KARL: Compared to what? WARWICK: That I did one take. 313 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,513 I wasn't happy with it, it wasn't great, 314 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,636 and then they move on. Now that's forever on film. 315 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:12,755 No one's gonna see it. 316 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,353 I'm a professional and I like to get it right. 317 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,670 And that was a shambles. I mean, I don't feel comfortable. 318 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,398 Look at these trousers. 319 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,994 Nothing feels right about this whole thing. 320 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,672 KARL: I thought it looked all right. 321 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,832 (RICKY ON PHONE) 322 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,830 KARL: Jesus Christ! It's like a Primark sale. 323 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,677 KARL: There's a kid being passed through the window here. 324 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,913 Fucking hell, man! 325 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,757 Wow, look at that. The river Ganges. 326 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,638 Thank you. 327 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,590 (BOAT MOTOR STARTS) 328 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,433 KARL: What's going on here? 329 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,478 WARWICK: That's what they call "burning ghats". 330 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,232 That's where they do the cremations. 331 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,231 People come here from all over India 332 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,039 with their dead and they cremate them here. 333 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,554 KARL: You're not gonna be looking at the sun then when this is going on? 334 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,279 Well, in the morning, a lot of people come down to meditate as well 335 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,396 and that sort of thing. 336 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,233 You know, the sunrise is very significant to them. 337 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,833 So, when you die, are you gonna be here? 338 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:08,828 You wish for this? 339 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,110 What, chucked on a bit of wood like that? You're happy with that? 340 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,839 WARWICK: The awful thing is some people can't afford enough wood 341 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,036 to fully consume the body, 342 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,236 so sometimes there are bits that are left 343 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,039 and then those bits are tossed into the Ganges. 344 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,998 What, half-cooked bodies, sort of, chucked in? 345 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,115 Yeah. 346 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,192 But again, in their belief, it's going into the holy river. 347 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,271 And the holy river will take it on to a better place. 348 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,839 There you are, look. What's that one there now? 349 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,956 WARWICK: Yeah, that will be a body coming into the river. 350 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,837 KARL: Them people are carrying one? 351 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,158 You are joking. There was kids down there swimming. 352 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,435 You can pay a bit more money 353 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,034 for a different sort of wood to be burned with here. 354 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,430 Special wood. It's nonsense. 355 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,080 They say, "Oh, this one's a bit more special so spend some money." 356 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,516 They pressurise you into doing things to rip you off. 357 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,155 You think everything's a con... 358 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,118 Well, it is. That's how the world's evolved. 359 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,512 I'm sure that when it started, it wasn't like that. 360 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,751 There wasn't a bloke there opening up a briefcase with a selection of wood. 361 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:12,114 "Now what you do if you really love them, 362 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,839 "use this stuff, mahogany. It's your best wood you can get, 363 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,992 "it's going to send them to Heaven faster than any of this other old shit. 364 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,230 "Buy this stuff here." It's a con. 365 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,630 If you're going to Heaven, you are there forever anyway, 366 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,280 so what's the rush in getting there any quicker? 367 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:29,158 If Heaven does exist I'm worried that I get up there 368 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,674 and there's a load of people who I know 369 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,832 who annoyed me in this life and suddenly you're on this place 370 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,592 with them forever. 371 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,192 People who are a pain in the arse and then suddenly, 372 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:43,876 "Hiya, Karl. Oh, you're dead, are you?" "Oh, Jesus, you made it, did you?" 373 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,188 Forever. 374 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,035 (PHONE BEEPS) 375 00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:58,712 (RICKY ON PHONE) 376 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:11,113 KARL: I don't understand travelling to see the sun. 377 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,236 It's exactly the same one. 378 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,470 Let's make the best of it while we're here, yeah? 379 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:17,595 Yeah. 380 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,114 We want to pitch the tent so it's facing east. 381 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,235 Why? 382 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,039 Well, then we can open up the flaps and watch the sunrise. 383 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,839 The majesty. I think it's that way. 384 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,797 Right, okay, what's... 385 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,916 - Is it meant to be like a dome? - Not really. 386 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,433 Oh, this is the instructions. 387 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,478 Pop that in there. Pop that at the back. Done. 388 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,596 There, look at that, brilliant. 389 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,159 That's all right. 390 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,151 Is this really a two-man tent? 391 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,676 It's got a picture of two men laying in it on the instructions. 392 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,437 I don't think he's that happy. 393 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:57,195 He was just moaning in there, when I got in there he just was moaning a bit. 394 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,032 I don't wanna force him into doing something, 395 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,634 'cause then it's like bullying, innit? 396 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,188 I don't wanna bully him, if he wants to go in a hotel or something. 397 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,793 It would've been nice to see the sun come up, 398 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,155 but let's knock it on the head. 399 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:09,429 Well, I don't know, it's... 400 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,511 - What's so awful at the minute? - What? 401 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,033 What's bad? We've got everything we need. 402 00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:15,315 We've got some firewood, we've got a tent. 403 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:16,753 Well, that's alright then. 404 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:20,071 No, that's fine then. If you want to stay, yeah. We'll do it then. 405 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:26,710 As long as you are happy, I was just thinking about you. 406 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,279 That's nice that. 407 00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:29,839 (PEOPLE TALKING) 408 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,717 I can hear voices. 409 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,436 Ravi, are many people here for the sunrise? 410 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:41,078 KARL: The monks? 411 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,317 Some holy people as well here with us? 412 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,359 Why aren't we annoying them? 413 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,431 Why are they happy to be so close to us? 414 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,238 Why don't they go over that way? 415 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,871 Yeah, it'll be all right and you... They don't like... 416 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,916 You've something in common with them, they don't like crowds 417 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,115 and neither do you. 418 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,156 Yeah, we can meet the holy people because 419 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,471 they could talk about the sunrise and... Yeah? 420 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,109 KARL: If I call up Ricky and just say, "Warwick's had enough..." 421 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,998 But I don't want to be the one that's to blame. Do I? 422 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,115 Why not? 423 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,111 Because I'm not saying that we shouldn't stay here. 424 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,758 What's the worst that can happen? 425 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,472 (SPEAKING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE) 426 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:28,754 Hello, here they are. 427 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,151 KARL: How many of them are there? 428 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,468 He looks like he's drunk a bit. 429 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,638 (MAN SPEAKING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE) 430 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:38,398 Yeah. Welcome. 431 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,151 Welcome to the camp. 432 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,755 I don't know what's happening. 433 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,079 Ravi, what's happening here? 434 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,230 Hey, they seem a bit, like, angry? 435 00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:59,270 Yeah, I know that, but what's he on about? 436 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:01,795 They don't sleep? 437 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,838 KARL: Well, that's what we'll be like in a couple of days. 438 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,038 WARWICK: Can we ask about the sunrise? 439 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:08,519 Do you enjoy the sun? 440 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,910 He's never up in the morning. He's getting hammered till 3:00am. 441 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,149 He's asleep when the sun comes up. 442 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,470 There is no way he's ever seen the sunrise. 443 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:16,834 He's off his tits. 444 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,679 Warwick, we can get a hotel, mate, seriously. 445 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,754 Okay, right. Let's knock it on the head. 446 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,831 'Cause this is getting a bit fucking silly, this. 447 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,117 Brilliant, Warwick. "Bring them over," he said, "Bring them over." 448 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,156 Good to have some company. 449 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,391 We're in the middle of nowhere, peace and quiet. 450 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,948 This one doesn't want to be part of it. Look at him. 451 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,235 He's thinking, "Why am I involved in here?" 452 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,357 Why is he here? Why is he knocking about with these? 453 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,670 Is it that tough to make new friends? 454 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,512 See, maybe there's something good in Twitter 455 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:49,079 and Facebook and MySpace and that. 456 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,355 It gives you a chance to meet new people. 457 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,159 If you live in the middle of nowhere, you're knocking about with knobheads. 458 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,192 I'll tell you what, I'm not staying here tonight. 459 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,430 I'm not interested. I'm not having him as a neighbour. 460 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,511 Bollocks to the sunrise. 461 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,032 (SPEAKING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE) 462 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:17,951 I'm a little bit disappointed that I didn't get to see that sunrise 'cause... 463 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,190 I don't think I would be coming back here again. 464 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,272 You know, I wanna be there for that moment 465 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:26,318 and be able to share that with the viewers of the show, as well. 466 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,277 DIRECTOR: We just asked Karl about it 467 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:31,511 and he said, "Well, if Warwick really wants to go, 468 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,636 "I'll get up and I'll go." 469 00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:35,997 We should go, definitely. 470 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,799 I only did it 'cause, you know, if you were getting up. 471 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,269 I thought if you're witnessing it I best witness it. 472 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,554 So, what do you think of that, it's pretty majestic, isn't it? 473 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,353 KARL: Still burning the bodies. 474 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,751 I wonder how long it takes to get a body cooked... 475 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,916 - You know, to nothingness. - Yeah. I don't know. 476 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:18,669 Are you meant to wait? If you're there to see them off, 477 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:20,318 are you meant to wait until it's all gone? 478 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,118 I don't know, Karl. 479 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,235 WARWICK: Look, we've got ash dropping on us here. 480 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,914 KARL: Weird that, innit? WARWICK: Mmm. 481 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,949 That's one person, isn't it? 482 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,713 How fed up are they gonna be having landed on you? 483 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,110 Just a little bit of... Little bit of dead body. 484 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,352 "Oh, I missed the Ganges and landed on Karl. 485 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:45,837 "After all this way." 486 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,389 Oh, look at it now, the light's reflecting off the Ganges. 487 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,831 I'm not getting anything. 488 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:02,189 Is that up now then? Can we go or what? Is that fully up? 489 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,956 Yeah. It's fully up. 490 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:06,879 Next. 491 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,876 WARWICK: Well, I hope you're gonna be a bit more enthusiastic 492 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,076 about what I've got lined up for you next. 493 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,355 Have you heard of the Indian circus? 494 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:29,634 KARL: No. 495 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:30,914 WARWICK: It's a big deal out here, 496 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,195 it's a tradition that goes back hundreds of years. 497 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:34,838 I think we should check it out, 498 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,674 get involved and, you know, maybe even get you onstage. 499 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:39,954 KARL: (SIGHS) Here we go again. 500 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,554 It's like, any excuse, innit, to get on stage with you. 501 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,119 I'm surprised you haven't got an agent over here, 502 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,077 the amount of work you are taking on. 503 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,879 Here you are. Watch out. Good Jesus! 504 00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:01,672 WARWICK: Here we are. "Welcome Olympic Circus." 505 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:07,076 Hasn't quite got that excitement that I remember a circus having. 506 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:08,673 Look at the roof! 507 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:11,670 Look at the state of this! 508 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,671 WARWICK: Hello. MAN: Hello. Hello. 509 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:16,478 KARL: Hello. WARWICK: Hello. Montu? 510 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,073 I'm Warwick. Very nice to meet you. 511 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:20,515 - I'm Karl. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 512 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,433 So, I guess we gotta figure out what Karl's gonna do in the circus. 513 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:24,635 And you. 514 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,512 Good Jesus! 515 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,835 - Have you ridden a motorbike before? - No. Never been on one. 516 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,115 - Try, you try... - It's not that different to a bike. 517 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:36,952 - You can ride a bike, can't you? - Rev and go? 518 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,076 - Yes. - I had a go-kart like that. 519 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:40,309 All right, yeah. 520 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,558 You're having a laugh. 521 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,915 First time on a bike, so I'm not doing that. 522 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:58,711 - Rope of death? - Yeah. 523 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:00,518 Oh, my God! 524 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:04,918 I can't. 525 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,318 Frog act? He's running out of ideas here. 526 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,358 He started off big, he's bringing out a frog. 527 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:19,152 Do they even have frogs in India? Does anyone even know what that is? 528 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,151 I'm not doing it as a frog. 529 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:26,317 It's not circus. It's not... Do you know what I mean? 530 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,358 I've never heard of "Amazing Keepy-Uppy Man". 531 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,317 It's never happened. 532 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,631 You've got to find the springy point on these. Hey! 533 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:36,508 Thank you! 534 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,679 You can do it. 535 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,475 - Thank you very much. - KARL: 'Cause he's smaller. 536 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:46,471 - It's easier. - It's nothing to do with that. 537 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:48,869 I'm a born performer. 538 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,838 He's got better chances than me of getting the crowd going. 539 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:53,114 I'm going to flatten the night. 540 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,191 And I don't know why he doesn't see that. 541 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:56,952 He must have seen it. I've been asking him on the travels, 542 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:58,951 "Have you noticed how everyone looks?" He goes, "They're not." 543 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,237 People pretend they don't like to see little oddities. They do. 544 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,754 Not to laugh at. Just 'cause it's different. 545 00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:06,068 Right, somersault, yeah? 546 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:07,832 - Can you do it? - It's hard, this. 547 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,956 I've never done it before. 548 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:12,388 Yes! 549 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,516 Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. 550 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,398 He's looking at Warwick, he's seeing pound signs. 551 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,516 I tell you, we'll have to check the car when we leave 552 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,079 to make sure he hasn't had him. 553 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,230 He might give us one of his. Thinking, "He's getting a bit old now. 554 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,117 "Get him out, get him in." 555 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:28,873 What time's the frog on? 556 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:30,951 DIRECTOR: I don't know. But have you established with Warwick 557 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,076 exactly what you're gonna do? 558 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:37,472 Well, I'm either doing the magic trick or the keepy-uppys. 559 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,790 There's no point in me trying to learn something new. 560 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,114 What do mean, magic trick? 561 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,270 It's the magic trick that I did at school. 562 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,874 The only thing I'm worried about doing the magic trick is 563 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,032 if they're not familiar with the bird thing. 564 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,680 The sort of the hanky... 565 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,069 The crowd, they're all going, what's he doing? 566 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,470 A sort of bird... And then you pull it away. 567 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:58,879 And there's a bird. 568 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,155 No, it's not a bird. That's how changed it at school. 569 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:02,753 It's just an egg. And I go, "Oh! 570 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,718 "It's not born yet." That's what I like to do with people. 571 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,518 Come out, they're expecting something, 572 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,750 they're thinking they know what they're gonna get, there's a twist. 573 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,193 what you gonna do? You're not gonna say it's a bird. 574 00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:12,554 You're gonna have a handkerchief in your hand... 575 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,358 - Yeah, I'm gonna say the bird... ...in that massive arena. 576 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:15,953 - Yes. - This is close-up magic. 577 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,112 And then you're gonna go, "And an egg!" 578 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,589 How are you saying "it isn't born yet" 579 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,238 to people that don't understand English? 580 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,470 How do you say "it isn't born yet"? 581 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,551 (MAN REPLYING IN HINDl) 582 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,274 Is there any English people in the audience? 583 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,476 You don't want to do more than two minutes. 584 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,393 There's only 50 in there. They'll all go, "Get off!" 585 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:48,233 How about something like Laurel and Hardy? 586 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:49,912 Do you think they've heard of Laurel and Hardy? 587 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:54,118 Benny Hill and all that, that's still big in places like this. 588 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,033 - Norman Wisdom. - Slapstick. What's the classic routines? 589 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,314 Oh, yeah. Costumes. 590 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:06,473 I was gonna say, "Do you think they've got one that fits?" But then... 591 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,912 - We come out, bit of a jog. - Yeah. And we're waving. 592 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,752 Like that. I just bend down there. 593 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,239 - Yeah. - Good. 594 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:18,829 (CROWD LAUGHING) 595 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,916 I respect all forms of performance and entertainment. 596 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:28,992 But out in the ring, of course, your nerves can take over a bit. 597 00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,277 Not for me, for Karl. And he's still got a couple of bits. 598 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,157 - I'm going round again. - Don't milk it. 599 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:37,152 I'm going round again. I've got to look towards you, don't I? 600 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:38,275 Oh, come on. 601 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,033 Karl didn't necessarily listen to everything I said. 602 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:43,953 He kind of takes it in, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." I'm like... 603 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,792 I don't think you're actually listening to me. 604 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,997 Come towards me from the front, so they can see it. 605 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,268 Yeah, come on. Be careful. 606 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:54,392 (EXCLAIMING) 607 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,549 The reason I don't go to circuses at home is because it's that. 608 00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:01,393 You see, I wouldn't go and watch that. It was more fun being in it. 609 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,675 There's no way I'd be sat in there watching me and him doing that. 610 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:05,034 It's garbage. 611 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,039 WARWICK: Bloody hell! It's a power cut. 612 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,357 How am I supposed to perform in this? 613 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,709 KARL: I thought it went all right, considering. 614 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:20,076 We would have lifted the roof off the place if it had had one. 615 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:36,758 What you're gonna see now, you'll never get the chance to see again. 616 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:40,037 It's a one-off. More my cup of tea. 617 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,548 They're known as the Spider Sisters. 618 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,593 - The what? - Spider Sisters. 619 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,114 Why are they? Spider girls? 620 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,192 - Siamese... Siamese twins. - Siamese? 621 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,274 - You can't say that. - Who said? 622 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,830 You just don't. That's not what you say any more. 623 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:00,353 That's where they found them. 624 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,000 It was Ying and Yang, or something. It was two fellas. 625 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:04,593 Anyway, what's wrong with that? 626 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:08,878 That's all it's known for. Cats and twins. Siam. 627 00:35:09,720 --> 00:35:11,915 And yet you're happy to take one of the things away 628 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,797 from the country that it's known for. 629 00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:16,836 WARWICK: I don't know why you're so fascinated with it. 630 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:19,992 Because it's different. It's something different. 631 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:24,039 I've never seen Siamese twins. I've only seen pictures, photographs. 632 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,911 Come in the beginning bit and have a look. 633 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,798 No, I'm not going in, but I just don't want to be left in the car. 634 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,312 I just wonder, you know, if Warwick wasn't small, 635 00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,356 would he be just as keen as me? 636 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,876 Or is he thinking, "Oh, I don't like being looked at 637 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:46,916 "so I don't want to do it to someone else." 638 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,349 He's getting a bit mobbed there, look. 639 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:54,955 Jesus, we're in a village that have the Spider Sisters. Look at it. 640 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,954 Hi, everyone. It's bizarre, innit? 641 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,991 Hello. Hello. 642 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:09,077 We're trying to work out which one's sort of the one in charge, I'm guessing. 643 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:12,152 It doesn't matter even if they weren't joined. They're still twins. 644 00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:13,275 We're treating them like twins. 645 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,079 If you think about Bros, Matt was the leader, wasn't he? 646 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,793 And that's what I got to do. I got to work out which one 647 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,792 is the lead and then 648 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:25,758 I'll let the other one get on with whatever she's doing. 649 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:29,228 What are their names? 650 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:31,880 - Jamuna and Ganga. - I'm Karl. 651 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,712 Shake that one. 652 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,155 Oh, and that one. Ah, right. Okay. 653 00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:39,277 So you have total control of the top half? 654 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,353 MAN: Yeah. 655 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,512 I'm just gonna wait outside. Let Karl go and ask his questions, 656 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,273 get it out of his system and then we'll be off. Yeah? 657 00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,152 I'm not very good with questions. 658 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:53,832 Not very well, bad gut, bad belly. 659 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,030 (SPEAKING IN HINDl) 660 00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,918 Whose stomach? You have one stomach? 661 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:01,068 One stomach? 662 00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:04,312 He said he had all these questions for them. 663 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:06,960 He's trying to sound all like journalistic and worthy. 664 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,076 "Oh, I'm gonna ask them what it's like, 665 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:12,311 "sort of what it feels like to be joined." 666 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,072 But it won't be that at all, will it? 667 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,957 So, if you only have one stomach, who eats? 668 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,713 Do you have the main or do you have the pudding? 669 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:22,994 How does it work? 670 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:24,399 (SPEAKING IN HINDl) 671 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,674 That's... Yeah. Weird. 672 00:37:36,720 --> 00:37:40,713 What happens if you wake up early? 673 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,233 You want to get up, go to the toilet, 674 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,153 but you don't want to wake the other one up. 675 00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,152 (SPEAKING IN HINDl) 676 00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,038 So, she could go out for a drink, 677 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,192 think "What's all the noise?" It's 'cause she's in a pub. 678 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:12,034 What about boyfriends or that sort of thing? 679 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,638 - No boyfriends? - No. 680 00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:18,359 Why do you smile though, you're looking a bit sheepish. 681 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:22,228 Both of them, in fact. There's something going on, isn't there? 682 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,550 Who are you seeing? Come on. 683 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,916 Why is that funny? Something's happened recently, innit? 684 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:30,918 (SPEAKING HINDl) 685 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:32,953 (LAUGHING) 686 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,875 TRANSLATOR: You said something fishy so they're finding that funny. 687 00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:40,795 Fair enough. 688 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:45,314 Well, let them get ready for the show. Thank you. 689 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:51,431 Two heads are better than one. There's a saying. They've got that. 690 00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:55,069 That's a good thing. Maybe that is how the future will be. 691 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,152 That's what we need. More stress in the world, you've got to multitask. 692 00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:02,995 - Hello? - (RICKY ON PHONE) 693 00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:04,672 All right, Ricky? 694 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:09,073 We sort of took a diversion a bit today. And we've come up to see 695 00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,071 some conjoined twins. 696 00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,873 Which is obviously, you know, what he likes. 697 00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,636 No, I know what you're saying. 698 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:27,553 Let me get Karl because I think you need to talk to him about this. 699 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,752 I'm gonna get him. Karl, it's Ricky. 700 00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:32,798 - What's he after? - Just want to have a chat. 701 00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:34,313 - Tell him about this. - Hello? 702 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:42,716 Just everyday questions. I was saying what about birthdays? 703 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:44,438 How do you buy each other a gift 704 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:47,557 without knowing what the other one's got you? 705 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:50,518 They were laughing. They were having a lovely time with me. 706 00:39:51,720 --> 00:39:52,948 Honestly, everyone's worrying. 707 00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:54,996 I said to them, "Do you mind being called Siamese twins?" 708 00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:56,991 They started laughing again. 709 00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,833 Yeah, 'cause they're thinking, "Idiot. Ignorant idiot." 710 00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:01,592 - No, they were quite... - (RICKY LAUGHING) 711 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:08,638 No, there's no... 712 00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,113 No. No. 713 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:19,873 That's it. 714 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:22,714 The thing is, Ricky, I know what you are saying, 715 00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,872 but you should see the crowds here when Warwick was walking down the street. 716 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:28,315 It's the same thing, people just like seeing 717 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,868 little, sort of, oddities in life. 718 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:35,792 I'm standing right next to him, Ricky. 719 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:37,632 That's what humans do, we've evolved. 720 00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:39,790 We learned to stand up, we learned to light fire, 721 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:42,155 we learned to say "what is that"? 722 00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:43,992 (RICKY LAUGHS) 723 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:47,994 And that's what I was doing tonight. 724 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,992 Just saying "what's going on here?" I've never seen anything like it. 725 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:03,911 All right. Anyway, I'm off to see them live. They're doing a show tonight. 726 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:05,629 Yeah. 727 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:09,910 It's amazing, they get around, isn't it? So well. 728 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,877 I know, they've got it all mapped out. 729 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:20,353 Amit, is it okay if I ride them to work? 730 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:22,112 WARWICK: Taking them to work. 731 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,271 I can't believe this. 732 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:28,837 Look at him going off like he's some sort of hero now. 733 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,512 Is this good? 734 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,190 He's just left me here. I don't seem to exist at the minute. 735 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:36,829 He's so tied up in this whole "what's going on", 736 00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:39,915 that I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I just... 737 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:41,353 I mean, he's just gone off. 738 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:42,873 He didn't even think to give me a lift. 739 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,191 When it comes to the Spider Sisters, oh, yeah, he'll do anything. 740 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,430 He's probably in there now doing their make-up for 'em, 741 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:49,635 ready for the show. 742 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:52,079 Is this where you work? 743 00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,879 NARRATOR: Next time on An Idiot Abroad... 744 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:00,513 It would be good if Warwick was willing 745 00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,477 to sit on there and raise some more money. 746 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:05,870 I'll sit there, white person, bald, they've never seen that before. 747 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,916 They've never seen a little man before. 748 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,719 DIRECTOR: He's offered you and him to perform on stage. 749 00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:11,835 Oh, great. 750 00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,832 I'm not just going to go and stand there and have people look. 751 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:16,035 What are you doing? 752 00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,509 Just when I think you've said the weirdest, 753 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,670 stupidest thing ever, you top it! 754 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,115 You sit there, I'll sit behind you, people will come in, 755 00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:24,679 I'll give you a centre parting. 756 00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:27,399 It's just annoying me that we're not having the same experiences. 757 00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:28,799 What, is it the same way you made me share 758 00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,518 the experience with the Spider Sisters? 759 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:31,715 Yeah. 760 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:34,591 - That isn't that bad. - Don't tell me what it is. 761 00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,796 That's a lamb bollock. 762 00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:38,871 KARL: It's a bit funny how I've got the shits and you haven't. 763 00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:40,234 Does this really convince them? 764 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:41,673 It's just an excuse to dress us up. 765 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,671 (BOTH GRUNTING) 766 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,159 People don't always get what they want. 767 00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:47,117 - My favourite films are Elephant Man... - Yeah. 768 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,270 ...and Kes. I don't like happy endings.